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View Full Version : A Thank-You Note for the Universe


Tages
08-25-2005, 06:32 PM
Some of you might have noticed, though perhaps not cared, that lately my behavior has been...inconsistent. I'm belligerent (well, moreso than normal) but drop out of debates early now. I get defensive over unimportant stuff and ignore material more deserving of attention. In short, I'm not acting like myself.

It occurred to me just now that I do not believe that, in two years of posting at CBR, I have ever had a proper "vent" thread. Probably because I grew up with a father who complained about each and every insignificant detail of his life that was less than perfect and always made everything about him, and I reacted against that. Well, I hope everyone can forgive me this one lapse into self-indulgent, barely coherent melodrama, because I can't take this anymore.

These are things that have happened to me recently, in chronological order:

-Kristen dumped me. Yeah, big thing there, you'd imagine I would have mentioned this by now, but honestly it took a while for the reality to sink in. The woman I'd grown to say I loved, who was absolutely perfect for me in every possible way, who is so far the only woman who has ever cared about me back instead of fleeing or taking advantage of me, broke up with me the Tuesday before last in the Hilton (it's a big casino that's getting turned into an indoor waterpark, Bouncing Boy knows what I'm talking about) parking lot. As it was raining. And a teary, melodramatic song I hate (Green Day's "When September Ends," and I like Green Day, just not sappy Green Day) was playing on the radio. I guess that's our song now.

For those who have yet to hit the back-button on their browser out of disinterest or whatever other reasons, you may be wondering why she dumped me. Well, the main reason she gave me was that she could tell I was looking for something more long-term and committed than she was, and she couldn't give that to me, and she was afraid that one day I'd wake up and realize that I'd wasted my life with her, and blah blah blah. Of course, what I heard was more along the lines of "Your feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure are completely justified, because I don't like you, and like all other romantic interests in your life exist for the sole purpose of making you hate yourself." My universal translator, so to speak.

The other reason, supposedly, was my religious beliefs. I'm Christian. She's agnostic. It never bothered me but apparently it bothered her, because "You have something there for you I'll never have there for me." This in spite of that I never, once ever made religion an issue in our relationship and accepted her for who she was. Har har har, joke's on me for being tolerant!

Some of my friends have been real swell in helping me to deal with the tsunami of depression that rolled over me soon after this. My parents and sister, of course, being themselves, said such conscience-soothing and therapeutic things as "Yeah, it sounds like a line" and "She just probably wants to see other guys, hell, there might be another guy right now," before of course moving on to subjects of more interest to themselves (read: themselves) and calling me lazy for not getting over it on their schedule. Thanks, Mom, Dad, Sis. Always knew how to cheer me up.

-Which leads of course to the next item. My family. Ah, I love my family, and during my more pessimistic moods (like now) I think it's because no one else can. Dad's as self-absorbed as ever, Mom's so much of a control freak I can actually feel her digging her fingernails into my soul, and my sister is as always the consummate drama queen, turning everything of more significance than a hangnail into grand tragedy, and hey, she just lost her job, which was her own fault, because she just "Didn't feel like going" anymore, so hey everybody, look at and feel sorry for her!

All of whom, of course, are quite interested in my life and wonder why I don't live it like they want me to. Well, uh, I'll get back to you on that.

-Disease! On and off throughout the month of August, I've been sick, first with the flu, which opened me up to a tonsilitis infection, which subsided, only to return. My throat's swelling up, it feels dizzy to walk, it feels like it's 130 degrees in here, and earlier when I sat down in a chair I passed out for almost half an hour. I tell you, nothing cheers me up more than knowing that ravenous swarms of microorganisms are running amok my body like a barbarian army, feasting upon my cells and organs at will. It's almost enough to dig me out of my insomnia.

-Insomnia. Until last night, with the help of Ambien, I split about six hours of sleep over a span of four days. This is fairly-self-explanatory.

-Car accident. No, I didn't fall asleep at the wheel. I was driving down the highway to a doctor's appointment when a huge chunk of metal that happened to be lying in the road was kicked up by the car in front of me, which then went hurtling to my windshield. If it weren't for a searchlight near the driver's side front window left over from when it was a security car it probably would have went through the windshield, in which case I would have gone to the hospital or...somewhere else.

I don't know if my insurance covers this, yet. Until I replace the windshield I can't see out the front and it's illegal for me to drive my car. I also potentially have a new job starting soon and if I can't drive, then well, I won't. Thank you, physics.

-The movie. Today's the last day of shooting, and because of my car and my being sick, I can't be there to witness it, and I had to help rewrite some scenes to switch them from taking place in a hospital to home care. You can't guess how happy this makes me. Does it help that we're over schedule and over budget, too? The answer is...no.


So, there it is, my catharsis spilled for all to see. My girlfriend dumped me, my family's driving me crazier than normal, I'm sick, I can't sleep, I almost got killed, and I'm missing out on the coup de gras of the only worthwhile thing I've accomplished so far in life.

I'm sorry for making the day of whoever's read this whole thing just slightly worse. I'm sorry to anyone I've made angry or upset lately because of my inability to deal with my problems. I'm sorry for anyone who feels sorry for me. I'm sorry to anyone who takes the time to reply. I'm sorry for anyone who may be going through worse things for taking deserved attention away from them, because I know there are people out there dealing with things that make this entire rant look like "Family Circus." And most of all, I'm sorry that I, Jason Williams of Reno, Nevada, self-loathing, self-obsessed, utterly alone, entirely unlikeable git, just can't think of a way out of this mess I've dug myself into.

Thank you, everyone. I'll be here if I'm needed.


Sincerely,
Koba

i_mmmchocolate
08-25-2005, 06:38 PM
You'll be in my thoughts, koba. I hope things get better soon.

JeffreyWKramer
08-25-2005, 06:39 PM
Jason... sorry to hear, man.

Don't feel bad about venting. Venting is good. Many others here have done it, and you've been there for some of them. It's okay to let others be there for you.

If you'd like to chat on the phone, IM me your phone number.

Either way, be well.

Pól Rua
08-25-2005, 07:02 PM
Yes. Venting good.
Hope things turn around, matey.

Shellhead
08-25-2005, 07:05 PM
Jason,

Stay strong, Tages. And you are a very strong person. It's not easy to hang tough in a debate when there are so many more people on the other side... that's what I faced growing up as a liberal in Indiana.

Right now, it may seem like you lost the perfect woman, but trust me on this, you will eventually find somebody better. In the coming weeks, I suspect that you will relentlessly analyze that relationship (I know that I have in similar situations), and you will eventually realize that there were some important differences that couldn't be reconciled.

It sounds like money could help with some of your problems, so try really hard to make it to the new job. Public transportation, beg rides from friends, whatever you can do. Don't just call your insurance company, get them to understand how much you need a car to start your new job, help them to see you as a person in need, and you might be pleasantly surprised what they can do for you. (emphasis on *might*, depends on your insurer.)

Regarding your family, love them if you must, but don't feel especially obligated to do so. To quote Grimjack, "Friends are the family we choose." Once you have good, reliable friends, you have people who will always be there for you when times get tough. Family should do the same thing, but mere coincidental genetics and a shared past don't always yield the same results as true friendship.

About the illness, sleep can help you get better, so take that Ambien (whatever it is :) )... I usually just survive on caffeine until I get to a point of exhaustion and then my insomnia goes away for awhile. But I finally tried Nyquil earlier this year, and that was so good and effective that it was almost scary. Hopefully your new job has afforadable health coverage. Otherwise, try to get enough sleep and take some vitamins, especially if you can get them in the form of healthy food.

You will get through this tough time, and be stronger for the experience. And since things are so bad right now, you've got some better times to look forward to soon. Good luck, and rant here as often as necessary.

--Mike

Nate C.
08-25-2005, 07:56 PM
Tages,

If you haven't been able to figure it out by now, I am very fond of you. I love your distinct presence on CBR. It hurts to see you hurt, so you bringing all this stuff up helps me to hurt with you. (I could tell something was wrong, but couldn't put my finger on it.)

Take some time off. Do the things Christians know to do in times of crisis/dark nights of the soul.

Do the things that Jason himself knows is good for Jason. (First time I learned your name-cool beans.)

Do the things for others that will help you get out of your funk.

And give yourself the freedom to let it take time. You're not punching a time clock on life, friend.

Wish you all the best. My PM box is here.

Nate.

Adam Crocker
08-25-2005, 08:01 PM
Jason;

Seeing as how I am currently exhausted and lacking in natural talent for writing or saying comforting things for people's personal problems, I hold off a proper response for tomorrow morning. However, I will add some advice for the insomnia, which I am not stranger to. I usually find that getting some daily exercise of least thirty minutes or so (walking, bike riding, gym) helps me settle into a regular sleep cycle. I don't know if it will help, but it's worth a shot.

I go sleep n.....*whump*

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

-- Adam Crocker

SUPERECWFAN1
08-25-2005, 08:05 PM
Heres hoping everything gets better for ya. Once ya feel better hit some bars n all. May help ya get over your ex. Also....good luck on the movie.

howyadoin
08-25-2005, 10:20 PM
My girlfriend dumped me, my family's driving me crazier than normal, I'm sick, I can't sleep, I almost got killed, and I'm missing out on the coup de gras of the only worthwhile thing I've accomplished so far in life.All you need is a dead dog and a stolen pickup truck and you've got a country song.


Oh, and for what it's worth, you're one of my favourite people to argue with around here.

Shellhead
08-25-2005, 10:43 PM
Jason;

Seeing as how I am currently exhausted and lacking in natural talent for writing or saying comforting things for people's personal problems, I hold off a proper response for tomorrow morning. However, I will add some advice for the insomnia, which I am not stranger to. I usually find that getting some daily exercise of least thirty minutes or so (walking, bike riding, gym) helps me settle into a regular sleep cycle. I don't know if it will help, but it's worth a shot.

I go sleep n.....*whump*

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

-- Adam Crocker

Another vote for daily exercise here. I've been working out a lot lately (overcompensating since my traumatic 40th birthday), and I've been sleeping really well in the last couple of weeks.

Paul McEnery
08-26-2005, 02:40 AM
Sucks to be you, man.

Much love to the brother. You've got my phone number. Leave yours if you don't get me the first time. Which you prob'ly won't.

thehod
08-26-2005, 03:17 AM
I've got many friends who've been through stuff like this, and I've gone through it myself, and I'll say the same thing to you as I said to them.

Two things.

1. Day by day. Don't worry about the future, don't think about what tomorrow brings, just take each day as it comes and try to make it as productive and enjoyable as you can. Don't worry about having bad days, as they'll come too, but if you have one, let it happen and move onto the next day. Time does heal all wounds (unless, of course, you're Bruce Wayne), and by taking it day by day you'll be surprised about how quickly six months has flown by and things really won't look so bad.

2. This too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever. Thats a bit of a bitch about the good times, but it does also mean that the bad times don't go on forever either. Remember that, and take each day as it comes, and life will turn around. Enjoy the good times and cope with the bad and you won't go far wrong.

Rabid Trekkie
08-26-2005, 06:54 AM
God, and here I was feeling bad about myself because I have to throw myself out of my three year break from society straight into college.

I don't have much advice besides get some antibiotics to fight that barbarian horde, don't fret about the movie as it will probably make enough money to cover everything (if you put half as much work into it as some of your posts here I'll be seeing pics of you in an Entertainment magazine at some wacky liberal film festival) and while it sucks that you don't get to be there for the last day trust your crew and relax knowing you did most of the work. Find a friend who owes you a couple of favors and get him to take you to work and make sure he pays for the gas, you can't choose your family but you can pay attention to your caller ID and ignore them for awhile just enough to get over everything. I wish I could help with the dating thing but I swore that off a long time ago, but maybe you could try finding a christian girlfriend. At least in that way you'll be some what alike, and if she breaks up with you you can tell her she's going to hell and have it mean something.

To cheer yourself up why not put on your favorite cd and start up a civil war discussion or how much the American government sucks no matter who the president is thread?

I hope you feel better Tages.

Tages
08-26-2005, 07:22 AM
Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling a little better after passing out on and off for almost twelve hours.

I'll try and respond to you individually later when my energy returns.

Lone Ranger
08-26-2005, 07:34 AM
-Kristen dumped me. Yeah, big thing there, you'd imagine I would have mentioned this by now, but honestly it took a while for the reality to sink in.

I know that feeling.

I used to wait at least a week before going public with a 'break up', just to make sure that it was for real.

In terms of her being 'perfect for you' - I had at least two women who were 'perfect for me' before I met my wife. Only with hindsight could I see the problems - both with the woman and me (at least in the way in which I related to the woman).

Good luck with everything - sleep and good health will come in time.

Rachel Grey
08-26-2005, 07:34 AM
Jeeze. I wish I could help, but you know, I'm several countries away...

Still my heart dose go out to you and I hope that things quickly improve.

K'Nort
08-29-2005, 10:22 PM
Very sorry to hear it, Koba. Esp so much at once. We're here, even if your family isn't. Glad to hear it's already improving a bit.

Fenris
08-29-2005, 10:38 PM
Wow. You really have had a load of problems dumped on you all together. I'm really sorry to hear that, Tages.

I'm glad that at least you got some sleep in recently.

PM me if you'd like to chat. I hope things get better (especially stuff like the car-and-work situation, which are obviously kind of urgent.)