Postcards from the X-Men

[Flight]

Dear Rogue
Enjoying my holiday in France right now. The people are pretty excitable but nothing like your Gambit who smells like horse radish and shoe shine.
Been to the Arc De Triumphe 14 times now. Bought a yakka for you-know-who.
No, not Voldemort you silly halfwit!!!!

Weather is good. Been Sinister sunny all week which is good. Off to the beach soon - still not found our target yet. she's slippery, like an eel.
Anyway, my shoes are getting wet so I'm going to go.
See you soon
Love *********
x

[Fuzzy_Blue_Fetish]

Dear Bobby,

Being brainwashed to the dark side by the Hand really really sucks. I wish you were here. You'd make some lame joke, then I'd slap you on the ass, and things would just be normal.

Dreaming of you nekkid,
JP

[Brian M.]

Dear Scott,

You know I don't why they call this the White HOT Room. It's really not that hot. I just wanted to tell you that the reason you and Ms. Frost are so happily in love is that I wanted it to happen, it was kinda a choice between you and Slut Queen or a horrible horrible future that makes any our kids are from look like a trip to Disney Land, not World, that Paris version is worse than this future. Sooooo you really don't love her and I'll be back sometime around next summer, say July 2006. Till than, keep my clothes washed and my sheets clean, I'll be back soon.

Love Jean Grey-Summers

P.S. Tell Rachael good choice on the name and Logan that what he's doing w/ my old uniforms is just creepy.

[foxfire]

Dear Cable:

Enjoy life while you can. You know I'm coming back...

-Apocalypse

(oh, I thought this thread was postcards FOR X-Men... close enough :)

[Valmore]

Dear Mystique -

Damn were you fine, woman. Ma cherie, I must say maybe havin' you 'round to pretend you're Rogue ain' such a bad ting after all. Mebbe next you can change yoself into Stormy. And yes, I do write like de way I talk.

Love -
Foxxy Remy.

[Fuzzy_Blue_Fetish]

Dear Hank,

There is no escape. All mansion exits are being patrolled by my large floating cybernetic spheres that I affectionately refer to as "Happy Balls of Doom". It's only a matter of time. Your Twinkie stash is dwindling, and before long my Happy Balls will begin to dangle a cream-filled surprise outside your bedroom window. You will reach for them, and when you do, I *will* capture you.

So why am I sending you this postcard? Well, all great villians reveal their plot before executing it, of course! Muahahahaha!

When I finally have you, what fun we shall have! I met an interdimensional conquerer named Kahn, and he had some of the cutest harem outfits...but enough about my clothes. You will be the recipient of all my insane sexual desires and raging libido. I will do things to you that will break your MIND!!!...and possibly other things.

Give a snuggly hidee-ho to Kurt for me (he's next).

Sincerely,
-FBF

[Sean Whitmore]

Dear Havok,

Your costume is so ugly even I can see it.

Sincerely,
-Destiny

P.S., please C.C. this postcard to Beast when you're done with it.


SEAN

[Kirayoshi]

Dear Peter;

Uh, remember my fourteenth birthday? Y'know, back when we were implanted with Brood eggs, and we thought we were gonna die? When I tried to seduce you but you were a perfect gentleman and insisted that I was too young?

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm 20 now.

I'll bring the chocolate body paint. XOXOXOXOXO

"Katya"

[streator]

dear bishop,

hi. you left me in another reality. i was accidently brought to this place, and really would like to get back to my family and friends. i am admittedly pissed. where are you???
sincerely,
michael

[streator]

dear sinister,
I AM TEH 3RD SUMMERS BROTHER!!!!!!1!!

-adam x

[streator]

dear scott and alex,
I AM YOUR BROTHER!!!1!!!
------(@ adam x
(the x-treme)

[Sanagi]

Jamie,

I've been trying to catch up with you guys for ages! Where the hell are you? You just changed apartments without a word! I saw one of us the other day in a supermarket but he made eye contact for a second and then ran off! Is this because I'm the only one of us who will admit the truth about our sexuality? I hope not, but please tell me the truth!

Yours,
Jamie

[StarsAndGarters]

Dear Flight,

I'm so flattered that I actually have a fan. I've never had one before so I don't know what to do. Anyway, are you sure you're not just calling my brother by my name? It happens sometimes. I'm used to it because I'm missing lots of self esteem.

Well, enough babbling. I'm feeling down, since Lorna won't talk to me without slapping me. If you can think of any ways to make me feel better, it would be much appreciated.

Sincerely
Havok

[twilight]

Dear Bobby,

It was ICE to see you hahahahahahaha

Love,
Crazy 'Ol Lorna

[Rachel Grey]

Dear Scott,

Having a wonderfull time in Paris with Kitty & Petey. Or at least we were. Thought mum got resurected again, but it turned out to be another of Sinister's clones (how many of them dose he have on ice anyway?) She will probably be arriving at the mansion a few days after this card.

Love, Rachel.

P.S. My love to Logan & Kurt.
P.P.S. Emma's a ho, tell her for me.

[Sean Whitmore]

Lorna,

Stop it. Just...just stop it. I did not bang your mother. Stop being stupid.

Regards,
Magneto


SEAN

[atoningunifex]

Dear Scott and Emma,
Having a wonderful time here in the white hot room. From here you can see all of the universe- and several alternate universes to either side. The view is just fabulous!

I understand you're going through a bit of a retcon right now. It's kinda cute. I suppose when I come back I'll be sucked into it too. But for now I'm just sipping my glass of distilled essence of creation and enjoying it all.

Tell Charles that (unintelligable concpet encoded on the postcard and relayed through Scott's brain). He'd love that.

Well, I've got to go now. I've got to join the White Phoenix team. We're playing badminton against the Green Phoenix team. This time we're gonna totally kick their (unintelligable concept).

All my love and righteous fire,
Jean

P.S. Emma- those pants make your ass look fat.

[Frank]

Dear Lorna,

I just wanted to tell you i`m having fun with you body banging these weird and disgusting Savage Land Mutates freaks. And when you wake-up everybody will be mad at you about something called "House of M" I came up with.

Aurevoir precious,

Malice

[streator]

dear bobby,
your'e only coming out because you came back in.

jean-paul

[Uncle Nobs]

Hi Chucky--
Having a blast in the Keys. Thanks for covering for me with one of the clones. Sorry it had to be clone #4... DA-RAAA-MAAAA!! Too bad also that you're stuck in Genosha. GAWD! Everyone talks about how depressing it is, but nobody wants to mention how TACKY it is there in "polite conversation!" Boo-friggin-hoo. I mean, RUBBLE? ...Puh. Lease. So 2001.

Anyhoo... I think after a few more weeks here, I'll be rested enough to y'know, defend myself against a world that hates me and finally find a positive direction for my life, blah, blah, blah... Seriously, can we tone that blather down a bit? Sometimes pillow talk is just pillow talk, okay? Anysnootch, I'll see you soon. (Had some wicked ideas on magnetism and wheelchairs. ;) Dying to try them out.)

XXXOOO (& an extra X)

M.

PS
Is the whole cape-skirt thing I've been sporting going too far?

[Tobias March]

Dear Jamie,

Alright, ye convinced me. I'll help ye out 'n Mutie Town. But I swear to Christ if ye pull any of dat ''it wasn't me, it was my clone!'' rubbish, I'll rip yah a new one ya tosser ya!

Slan leat go foil,

Terry

[Brian M.]

Dear Logan,

GO ON VACATION

Love ,
Marvel Universe

[Michael P]

Dear Chris,

For the love of Christ, stop writing me with that accent. You didn't lay it on nearly that thick back in '89. I mean, seriously, I can't go anywhere now without smartass college students shouting "I gar-on-TEE!" at me. I know you're just trying to be a team player, but you don't have to accept *every* damn thing Lobdell and Nicieza did with my characterization. Peter isn't. I like Peter. I can send his comics to my famiy. Please be more like Peter. If I get laughed at again at Mardis Gras next year, I'm coming for you.

Sincerely,

R. LeBeau.

[Flight]

You weren't all supposed to join in!!!

But oh my, did these make me laugh!

[Factor Three]

X-Men and all those who oppose Factor Three,

Factor Three's dominance is assured. Your doom is sealed.

[Brian M.]

Dear Factor Three,

60's are over, go away.

Love,

X-Men

[Gaveedra 6]

Dear X-Men-
Having a great time meditating on a mountain top and helping impoverished families in Tibet. I'm getting a feeling that my whole life is some sort of weak plot device. Oh well, I'll probably cease to exist soon anyhow.

You suck,

Xorn II

[slively]

Dear Scott,

So sorry to have to break it to you like this, dearest, but, really, you didn't expect us to last now, did you? Because let's face it, while your body is hot, you are, in fact, dumb as a post. And the only reason I hooked up with you in the first place was the great pleasure I derived from knowing Jean was out there somewhere watching...

By the time you read this, I will be sunning my oh so supple....body.....atop Havok...somewhere on the Riveria. Now there's a man who knows how to please...

When I'm with him, dear, I can finally find the heat in my Summers....

Try to remove your head from out of your ass occasionally, dearest, and perhaps you, too, might be able to hold on to a woman.

Emma

[streator]

Dear Jubilation and Paige,

MY LAST NAME IS TEH FU#@$@% ESPINOZA, BIATCHES!!!!1!!
MOURN ME CORRECTLY!!!!!!

but, really, jubes, exhume me...
the extra 6 feet can go anywhere... you just have to pull at it a little.

from the grave,
angelo

[Kirayoshi]

Dear Piotr,

I'm NOT going to be ignored.

Love,

Zsaji.


(I just want to see if anyone gets the movie reference)

[Brian M.]

Dear Emma,

Well I fooled everyone. I was using you. Your a great piece but really, your no Jean. Conversation with you is dull and boring, I know that's a shock coming from me but really, you still act like a school girl with the gossip on Rouge and Remy, my Brother and Lorna and everyone else in the school you pretend to help. The truth is, Jean is on her way back and we all know what will happen than. You just can't compete with the Phoenix and someone I've known since I was little. Goodbye, thanks for the rides.

In Lust,
Scott

P.S. Jean says clean the sheets before she gets back.

[slayer2005]

Dear Mr. Worthington III,


You may have all the money in the world, but please stay away from my daughter Paige! I'll contact the authorities if you don't do what I'm telling you right now!


Mrs. Guthrie



Dear Warren,

You want some hot, young and sexy lady? I'm right here at the Institute, waiting for you to dump my ho of a sister and come to me. I can give you things my slutty sister cannot give you.

Lots of love,

Melody Guthrie

[atoningunifex]

(I just want to see if anyone gets the movie reference)

*hides his pet bunny*

[atoningunifex]

Dear X-men,

Have a lovely time. Wish you were here. Especially you, Wolverine.

The REAL Thunderbird.

[Sabre]

Dear X-Men:

I know you were scared of me and my teammates, and I know we brutally whupped you within an inch of your lives, but I'll be back to terrify you again!!!


Sincerely,
Mammomax

PS, Keep a bag of peanuts handy

[synthetikdemon]

Dear Chuck Austin

I am going to reverse all your lame ass plots and character setups you have so woefully created over the past few years in a few panels of the christmas issue of X-Men.

Lots of Love

Chris Claremount

[JolieBrunette]

Dear Rogue,

I've had a lot of time to think lately, ever since I've been sent to Limbo, and I've come to realise that it's you and not Dazzler that I've always wanted. I know you're seeing someone else at the moment, but I thought I'd try my luck.

So, how about it, babe? Feel like getting lucky?

Love,
Longshot
xxxx

[streator]

Dear X-Men,

I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAINS!!!!1!

-Venom

[Flight]

Loooooollllllll~~~~~!! @ the above!!
Lovin' them. Keep em coming!

[mattbib]

Here's one that seems to have been lost in the mail...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v467/mattbib/leechpostcard.jpg

[mattbib]

Oh, and here's another one...


Dear X-Men,

HELP!

Love,
Leech

[Kirayoshi]

(this one was delivered just after the Secret Wars)

Yo, Cain.

Got a solid to ask you. I'm gonna be bringing Petey over to Murphy's tonight to get him good and drunk before knocking him down a peg, but I really don't wanna get my claws dirty. So, if you could arrange to be at Murphy's around eightish, I'll set it up so Pete dumps his beer on you, and you can take it from there. I'll slip you five hundred to make it worth your while.

Thanks in advance, Bub,
Logan

[Valmore]

To the esteemed residents of Xavier's School For the Gifted -

It has come to my attention that you are in the market for, as you would call, villains looking to reform through the probationary period. However, I was saddened to hear that your two latest inductees are no longer present. Cain Marko, also known as The Juggernaut, has mysteriously vanished, no doubt to come back months later as a thorn in the side of your group. And Raven Darkholme, also known as Mystique, recently seduced my favorite son, Remy LeBeau, and then fled the estate, thinking you would not allow her in, despite the fact that you overwhelmingly voted her into the group.

Nevertheless, you should take heart. For I have decided that I shall reform my ways and take you up on the offer of joining your esteemed group of fascinatingly gifted young students. With my wealth of knowledge and experience, I believe we can make the world a better place for my mutants.

I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,

Doctor Nathaniel Essex.

P.S.: Scott, I seem to have misappropriated my hairbrush. Would you mind letting me borrow yours when I arrive?

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

To Colossus, Magneto and Jean,

Where is that afterlife Out door you people keep finding?

Sincerely yours truly,

Madelyne Pryor, The Goblin Queen.

[Brian M.]

Dear X-Men,

I find it really hard to do my job when you guys keep making me look like a fool. I come to visit one of you atleast once a year and I fully expect never to have visit the same person twice. Quit doing this to me. You don't see other humans or mutants doing this, it's just you. I understand one of you kinda has it in her powers to make my job a joke but seriously, everyone else, stop. I would really appreciate it, your making me look bad infront of my friends too, I'm the laughing stock at the Afterlife Bar.

Sincerely,
Death

[Vegetarian Goat]

P.S.: Scott, I seem to have misappropriated my hairbrush. Would you mind letting me borrow yours when I arrive?

HARHARHARHARHAR!!!!

Brilliant!

[xakko]

Emma,

I would recommend that you not call Katya any more bad names, or we will see if diamond form can withstand enraged organic steel. Then again, you never know when a large diamond may be required for the odd ring or two.

Piotr

[streator]

Dear X-Men,


...

-gateway

[streator]

Dear Bishop,

I don't know what to say :(
I can't make up my mind at all :(
I just wish I knew what to do :( :(

-Neal "rookie" Sharra

[streator]

Dear Mrs. Guthrie,

I'M RICH BIATCH!!!!!

Simmer.

-Warren Worthington III

[streator]

SPOILER

(highlight to read)

Dear Ultimate Gambit,

Bang! You Dead!

-Ultimate Juggernaut

[StarsAndGarters]

Dear sir or madam!

What will happen to your family, friends and estate when you pass away? With this limited time offer, Such&Such Life Insurance can ensure that the benefits they deserve will not be lost!

Such&Such Life Insurance

[Frank]

SPOILER

(highlight to read)

Dear Ultimate Gambit,

Bang! You Dead!

-Ultimate Juggernaut

:eek:

That must have been the greatest comic eva! :evilsmile

[Dizzy D]

Dear Peter,

I can't tell you this to your face, but recent events have come back to haunt me. You know when you were busy playing dead in the Outback and I was having a decent time with Rachel and Kurt in England. Well... on a weekend out in London I met this guy.. He was old, but really cute and smart and one thing let to another.. and.. Short story, Erik and I called them Anya and Peter.

Love, Kitty

[Dizzy D]

From: The Superhuman Law Office
To: Miss A. Sefton
Re: Limbo

Dear Miss Sefton,

our client, miss Witchfire, has strong claims to the otherdimensional habitat known as Limbo is her rightful inheritance. You are hereby asked to leave the premises by the end of the month or we will sue.

With kind regards,
Miss Jennifer Walters

PS: That sword is mine as well, bitch!

Love Witchfire.

[atoningunifex]

Dear Angelo,
I am writing this postcard for you and leaving it on your grave for when you get back.

Let's get naked.

Jubilee

[Dizzy D]

Westchester, 1986
Dear Brian,

don't worry. I'm alive

Betsy

Westchester, 1990
Dear Brian,

don't worry. I'm alive

Betsy

Westchester, 2005
Dear Brian,

don't worry. I'm alive

Betsy

[Ryan K]

Dear Angelo,
I am writing this postcard for you and leaving it on your grave for when you get back.

Let's get naked.

Jubilee

Bastard...

[atoningunifex]

Dear Mr. Austen,

Have you ever had a firework go off in your pants? In the FRONT?

No? Well, you're gonna you hack!

XXOO

Jubilee

[Ryan K]

Dear Mr. Austen,

Have you ever had a firework go off in your pants? In the FRONT?

No? Well, you're gonna you hack!

XXOO

Jubilee

I wrote one just like that. What a coincidence.

[Rasputin]

Dear Mr. Austen,

Have you ever had a firework go off in your pants? In the FRONT?

No? Well, you're gonna you hack!

XXOO

Jubilee


Dear Jubilee,

Are you coming on to me?

Chuck Austen

[StarsAndGarters]

Dear Jubilee,

Are you coming on to me?

Chuck AustenBest comeback ever. :D

At the very least this week

[streator]

Dear Bobby,

GAY AND A MUTANT!!?!?!

JEEBUS.

-Dad

[Brian M.]

Dear Wanda,

Thanks a lot.

Jean

[Alan2099]

Dear Betsy,

I sort of thought I'd be back by now. isn't being a X-man meaning that you don't say gone like this? I mean, it's nice here, but this purple skinned guy with a funny chin keeps dropping by and he really creeps me out.

Anyway, see if you can put in a good word for me and get me back, okay? I'd appreciate it.

Kwannon

P.S. Some Indian guy called Thunderbird said to tell you everybody he said "hi".

[slively]

Dear Warren,

Dude, you gave the words "feather bed" a whole new meaning last night! I'm still pulling feathers out of my..****. You can stuff my pillow any time.

Call me.

Daz

[xakko]

Dear Lightengale,

You washed up hag, keep your disco era refugee hands to yourself. Just because you weren't lucky with your man gives you no right to mine. Go join the Surreal Life or whatever aging pop stars do.

Paige

[Grazzt]

Sinister,

Wish you were here. Hell just isn't the same without you. Don't worry, though. I should be out soon, and I promise you will get to experience it yourself, firsthand. In the meantime, give my regards to Cable.

Yours,
Apocalypse

[Alan2099]

Charles,

let's be frank. I haven't had a decent job in a long time. I mean, I'm cool and all that, but the last time I showed up, I was working with Post. POST! That's one step away from being a member of Stryfe's MLF. Seriosuly, I could use the job and would really appreciate being part of the team again. I'd even settle for being part of that new Generation X team I've heard som much about. Seriosuly, drop me a line. Please.

Calvin "Mimic" Rankin

P.S. Tell Scott, Jean, Bobby, Warren, and ... what's-his-name... the Beast that I'm still better than they are.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Charles,

I appreciate it and all, being recognised for my bravery and that you gave me the chance to be a hero. And I was dying anyway, so dying as your stand-in against Gro-Tesk was just a small thing to do for me. Now that you have turned up alive and well, I have just one small request: COULD YOU CHANGE THE NAME ON THE DAMN TOMBSTONE TO MY OWN NAME NOW???

Love, Changeling.

[atoningunifex]

Hiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so great here in gloomy Madripoor! Am having lots of fun playing pirate! I even have an eyepatch! Wish you guys were here!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you lots and lots!!!!!!!!!!!!

Logan

[Flight]

Dear Jubilee

Ha! I'm gonna be in an X-Book again! And a critically acclaimed one too!
IN YOUR FACE!

Love,
Monet
xx

[atoningunifex]

Dear Monet,

So? Everyone will still think you can be summed up by the phrase "snotty little bitch". You've got the character development of a soap opera villain.

Not to mention the personal hygiene of a small barnyard creature.

You can kiss my asian ass, wench!

Hugs and kisses,
Jubilee

[psycholinguist]

Dear Wolverine

I haven't quite forgiven you for stabbing me through the heart and resurrecting me as an evil monster, but my therapist says i'm getting there.
Hope to be out of rehab soon.

Northstar

Ps. I would send you some photos of my stay here, but I seem to have really red eyes in all of them.

[Alan2099]

Hiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so great here in gloomy Madripoor! Am having lots of fun playing pirate! I even have an eyepatch! Wish you guys were here!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you lots and lots!!!!!!!!!!!!

Logan


Hey Doc Essex

Looks like you won the bet. Spiking all his food and drink with that weird combination of cocaine and highly concentrated sugar did work. Enclosed in the thirty bucks I owe ya'.

Pleasure doing buisness with ya'
Arcade

[Kirayoshi]

Here's my prediction regarding the Spider-Man/Shadowcat pairing in the Ultimate titles:

Peter,

I was once involved with a guy who was using me as a placeholder for a girl he really loved. I swore I wouldn't go through that again.

I just had a long talk with Mary Jane.

Do me a favor and lose my email address.

Good bye,
Kitty.

[streator]

Dear X-Men,

I AM TEH STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!!!1!!!!

-banner

[streator]

Dear Cable, Marrow, Psylocke, Magneto, Wolverine, Omega Red, Juggernaut, Cyclops, Ice-Man, Sabretooth, Hulk, Dr. Doom, Spider-Man, Sentinel, War-Machine, Sprial, Blackheart, Iron-Man, Venom, Rogue, Storm, Gambit, Colossus, Thanos, Wolverine (bone claws), Silver Samurai, and Captain America,

HADOKEN!!!!!1!!!!!!

Sincerely, Ryu

[Ryan K]

Dear Scott,

Why haven't you answerd my letters or returned my calls about joining one of the teams yet. I've been twiddling my thumbs here at the mansion for 6 months now. Pull your pants up. Ms. Frost needs to rest sometime.

-Jubilee

[Blackcat]

Dear Neal,

I'm alive and kicking, live now in Genosha. The wether is good, the view not so, but that will hopefully chance soon.

I heard you're in Singpour now dating a Shi'ar girl, gotten over me so quickly huh?

Well I've better things to do now than worry about our past. Enjoy your life handsome.

Still love you thou!!!!


Love,

Karima

[Blackcat]

Dear Neal,

I'm alive and kicking, live now at the mension again. They rebuild the institute it's waaay bigger now!

I heard you're in Singpour now dating a Shi'ar girl, gotten over me so quickly huh?

Well I've better things to do now than worry about our past. Enjoy your life handsome.

Still love you thou!!!!


Love,

Betsy

[StarsAndGarters]

Hehe clever BC.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Neal,

I'm alive and kicking, live now at the mension again. They rebuild the institute it's waaay bigger now!

I heard you're in Singpour now dating a Shi'ar girl, gotten over me so quickly huh?

Well I've better things to do now than worry about our past. Enjoy your life handsome.

Still love you thou!!!!


Love,

Betsy


Dear Betsy,

we couldn't help but notice this letter. Who got over who again real quickly?


Love

Co-signed,
Gabriel, Doug (dec.) and Warren

[Atomic Mongoose]

Dear Chris Claremont -

I know I was in need of a little oomph when it came to character development, but really... I mean, seriously... c'mon...
A F*CKING BIRD!?!?!?

- Heather "Lifeguard" Cameron

[Alpha to Omega]

Dear Neal,

I'm alive and kicking, live now at the mension again. They rebuild the institute it's waaay bigger now!

I heard you're in Singpour now dating a Shi'ar girl, gotten over me so quickly huh?

Well I've better things to do now than worry about our past. Enjoy your life handsome.

Still love you thou!!!!


Love,

Betsy

Dear Betsy,

You got over me pretty damn quickly after I freaking I gave my life to protect you. And you haven't even so much as thought of me since the 80's.

Tom Lennox

[Dizzy D]

Dear Betsy,

You got over me pretty damn quickly after I freaking I gave my life to protect you. And you haven't even so much as thought of me since the 80's.

Tom Lennox

I knew I forgot one.

And not to drift:

Dear Mr. Claremont,

don't worry about me. The cancellation of my part in Excalibur came unexpected, but I have had some very lucrative offers from various Japanese movie productions.

Love, Callisto.

[streator]

Dear Wanda,

It's what is on the inside that counts.

Sincerely,
Morty

[streator]

Dear Jean,

It's what is above the waist that counts.

-Prof

[streator]

Dear Cain,

When I'm inside of you I count.

-Tom

[Brian M.]

Dear Jean,

It's what is above the waist that counts.

-Prof

Dear Charles,

You would say that.

Jean

[Dizzy D]

Dear Wanda,

It's what is on the inside that counts.

Sincerely,
Morty

Dear Magnus,

this time you're faster. But next time she's mine!

Sincerely,
Morty

[Rachel Grey]

Jubilee,

I keep meaning to get back - nevermind Emma's naked again.

Scott.

[Dizzy D]

Dear TJ,

I heard that Morty and Magnus are fighting over Wanda's comatose body. You bring your DNA-test, I'll bring Lorna and her DNA-test. I think we can talk Magneto into a swap.

Love,
Kurt "Who's your daddy?" Wagner.

[Alan2099]

To Kurt, Shiro, Logan, Scott, Sean, Ororo, Piotr

Wish you were here.

John Proudstar

[JolieBrunette]

Jubilee,

I keep meaning to get back - nevermind Emma's naked again.

Scott.


Scott

Like eeeeeww to the max, dude!!!!

Jubes

[Tommy]

Dear Ultimate Colossus,

According to our files you seem to be gay, much like Destiny, Phat, Vivisector, Bloke, Sunfire, Northstar, AOA Northstar, and Northstar The End. Have you considered making your life insurance policy out to Marvel Comics?

Sincerely,
Marvel Comics

[Flight]

Dear Iceman

WEAR MORE DEODARANT!!!!

Love,
Storm

[DrMagnetoDoom]

Dear Mr. Summers,

Our files indicate tht you are overdue for a physical. We request you make an appointment so we can give you a regular check up and take some more of your DNA.

Thank you,
The Offices of Nathanieal Essex

[Accroître]

Warren,

You think I'm 'dead' so you turn to the first girl who will show you a little attention no matter what her age is? What is that about? I'm an X-Man we don't stay dead forever!

Couldn't kick Paige's butt without blinking,

Betsy

[StarsAndGarters]

Dear Mr. Summers,

Our files indicate tht you are overdue for a physical. We request you make an appointment so we can give you a regular check up and take some more of your DNA.

Thank you,
The Offices of Nathanieal EssexOffices of Nathaniel Essex, et al.

I would be pleased to come in for a physical. Would you schedule me for an eye exam as well? Thank you very much.

Scott Summers

[streator]

Dear Scott,

Re: Hey, how have you been?

Well, things have been interesting to say the least. I have been okay, for the most part... wait... oh my god... I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!!!1!!!

-Prof


/think david cross in scary movie 2 when he comes back after falling out the window
//yes, i have watched that movie
///not trying to be offensive to paralyzed people

[streator]

Dear Jean-Paul,

AS IN NOT JUST "HAPPY"???????

Confused,
Bobby

/I do that with all of my friends :confused:

[Brian M.]

Offices of Nathaniel Essex, et al.

I would be pleased to come in for a physical. Would you schedule me for an eye exam as well? Thank you very much.

Scott Summers

Dear Mr. Summers,

An eye exam is not necessary, I just want you to cough for me.

Offices of Nathaniel Essex, et al.

[Cloak]

Dear Readers,

My psychic blade is the sum total of my telepathic power, in case you didn't know. *T&A Jim Lee pose*

, Psylocke

[Cloak]

Dear beautiful goddess of all things holy Storm,

Wish you weren't fictional.

Love and Obsession,
Chris Claremont

[JolieBrunette]

Lorna,

Jean told me about the stripper. You're toast.

Rogue

[Brian M.]

Lorna,

Jean told me about the stripper. You're toast.

Rogue


Dear Rogue,

Quit talking to the ground.

Lorna

[Jottma]

Dear Scott,

Well I thought we worked well together at least.

Sincerely,
Grant Morrison

[Rachel Grey]

Kittycat,

All Your Panties Are Belong To Me!!!!!!!!


Deadpool.

[Kirayoshi]

Dear Joss:

You modeled that scrawny-assed vamp-shagging Slayer chick after me? I think I'm insulted!

Kitty.

[Brian M.]

Dear Scott,

Well I thought we worked well together at least.

Sincerely,
Grant Morrison

Dear Grant,

Yea we worked wonderful together, thanks to you I lost my wife.

Eat Me,
Scott

[slayer2005]

Kittycat,

All Your Panties Are Belong To Me!!!!!!!!


Deadpool.


Dear Deadpool,

Your head belongs to me.

Piotr.

[Sanagi]

Dear X-Men,

I can walk again! It must be a side effect of that thing that happened just recently. Remember that thing?

-Prof X

ps. It just wore off.

[Schellenberg]

Deaer Kattya:

Moscow bring memries back, of home I think and I hrt yuo more thn commune tractor is allott.

I m hopping not kiled to bee agan bfore I reeturn to yuo. DO not touch painnting is wet. Hop. not it scarred yuo.

Tell Scot will pay for brokken wall.

I hugg yuo wiht mny afectiun,

Piotr

P.s. Pls. to blam speling on ceunsors

[slayer2005]

Dear Joss:

You modeled that scrawny-assed vamp-shagging Slayer chick after me? I think I'm insulted!

Kitty.


Dear Kitty,


Look on the bright side, at least i didn't modeled you after the whiny sister of the Slayer...or Lisa Simpson.

Joss

[venuscameback]

Here's one that seems to have been lost in the mail...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v467/mattbib/leechpostcard.jpg


oh wow that's brilliant Matt!

[Alpha to Omega]

Dear Joss:

You modeled that scrawny-assed vamp-shagging Slayer chick after me? I think I'm insulted!

Kitty.

Dear Kitty,

No, I modeled the red-headed Jewish bisexual hacker after you.

Joss Whedon.

[Brian M.]

Dear Deadpool,

Your head belongs to me.

Piotr.


Dear Piotr

Which head are you talking about? Is this Ultimate Piotr or 616-Piotr...PLEASE BE 616.

Just Friends,
Deadpool

[Psyco panda]

Dear Wolverine 2,

how are things working out with the new Avengers? i don't know how I could stand it. Listening to Spiderman and his awful commentary all day. Ugh. anyway, things are working out pretty well for me. I'm no longer brainwashed by the Hand, so that's good. Got me some revenge.

I talked to Wolverine 4 and he's having fun hanging around with cyclops and them. Just got back from Genosha, and he says it sucks. Completely destroyed by some big sentinel. Also Marvel called, they need one of us to do another crap miniseries. I suggested you. Later Bub.

Wolverine 5

[DDM]

Dear Scott,
I knew I would be dead again soon. Therefore, I left you this message: I'll be back hon. I will always return like a bad penny or a boomerang. My name is Phoenix! What do you expect? Don't do anything I wouldn't do until I get back. I will always love you.

Love,
Jean

[darkchylde7]

Dear Bobby,

I know where you live,

Hugs, Kisses and Bodily Fluids

Evil Northstar
xoxoxoxox

[Dizzy D]

Dear Jean-Paul

Can I watch?

Love, Lorna

[darkchylde7]

Dear Lorna,

No.....but Alex can join in and we'll send you photos

JP

[Michael P]

Dear Jean-Paul,

Deal.

Lorna

[xakko]

Dear Piotr,

I know I shouldn't have peeked, but I did... we so need to talk when you get back. Remember that I'll always be there for you, and we can work through this.

Love,
Katya

P.S.- Lockheed says hi!
P.P.S.- It looks like some 3 year old is forging postcards from you.

[Indigo Al]

Dear Scott,

Can I have my keys back?

Love,
Colleen

[Dizzy D]

Dear Colleen,

No, I need somewhere to hide when Jean comes back and sees me with Emma.

Love, Scott

[Dizzy D]

Dear Alex,

as your older brother I have always given you good advice, haven't I. Now listen to me, because this is the most important lesson in my life: If you and say.. Lorna are having sex and say.. Annie suddenly comes in, whatever you do, don't say "Well, ladies, how about a threesome?". I speak from personal experience.

With brotherly love,
Scott "hoping to one day walk again" Summers

[Flight]

Dear Scott

I'M THINKING OF TURNING GAY! (X-)WOMEN ARE TOO MUCH HASSLE AND THERE'S A SEXxXY SCOT I'VE GOT MY EYE ON.......... no not moira. she's deader than your SHAM OF A MARRIAGE to GREY.

Love,
Havok

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dizzy D]

Dear Scott

I'M THINKING OF TURNING GAY! (X-)WOMEN ARE TOO MUCH HASSLE AND THERE'S A SEXxXY SCOT I'VE GOT MY EYE ON.......... no not moira. she's deader than your SHAM OF A MARRIAGE to GREY.

Love,
Havok

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Alex,

we have talked about this. Despite the short hair, Rahne is a woman.

Love, Scott

[Brian M.]

Dear Alex,

we have talked about this. Despite the short hair, Rahne is a woman.

Love, Scott


Dear Scott,

How dare you.

Rahne

[Flight]

Dear Scott,

How dare you.

Rahne Dear Rahne

You've gone sloppy since I stopped writing you.
Its "How dare ye"

Claremont

[Sanagi]

Dear Rahne

You've gone sloppy since I stopped writing you.
Its "How dare ye"

Claremont

Dear Chris

I'm dubbed now. I sound like everyone else, except for a hint of a Canadian accent from time to time.

Rahne

[Dizzy D]

Dear Chris

I'm dubbed now. I sound like everyone else, except for a hint of a Canadian accent from time to time.

Rahne

Liebe Rahne,

you don't know how glücklich you are. I have waited for Jahre for just a german accent instead of getting random german Wörter sparsed through my dialogue.

Alles Gute,
Nightcrawler.

[LoneWolf21]

Dear Chris

I'm dubbed now. I sound like everyone else, except for a hint of a Canadian accent from time to time.

Rahne


Dear Rahne,

You're lucky. I got fansubbed once. It wasn't pretty, they kept thinking I used the F-word as a comma.

Off to go save Jubilee from being terrorized by a tentacle monter.

Stupid japanese schoolgirls.

Sunfire

[Oracle_0128]

Dearest Frosty,

How are the twins? Give them a wet one for me.

Always horny,
Deadpool

[streator]

Dear Logan,

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

-Jack

[Bard]

Here’s one á la X- Factor:





Dear Lover,


When I told you to not sulk over my death, I didn’t mean for you to run after every woman in spandex! I always knew you had a soft spot for Jean, but then came that police officer, then a psycho queen in purple thongs, and now a child half your age!!?! Honestly Warren, you were better off when you lost your wings.

I hear Cameron is gloating in Hades, right next to En Sabah Nur. But your parents are faring well, and wish you would eat more veggies.

Miss you,


Candy Southern

[Kirayoshi]

Liebe Rahne,

you don't know how glücklich you are. I have waited for Jahre for just a german accent instead of getting random german Wörter sparsed through my dialogue.

Alles Gute,
Nightcrawler.
Dear Kurt,

Count your blessings, Tovarisch. Some of the X-Evo fanfiction I've seen where I figure prominently has to be read to be believed! Some writers give me such a thick accent, it sounds like I should be making 'beeg trouble for moose und squirrel!"

Later, Comrade,
Piotr.

P.S. Katya and the dragon say 'hi, Elf!'

[slayer2005]

Dear Wanda,


Thanks a lot for losing our powers, you loony hack. No more mutants? Hide while you can.

Love,

Jubilee

[Deadpool_Disassembled]

Dear Wolverine 2,

how are things working out with the new Avengers? i don't know how I could stand it. Listening to Spiderman and his awful commentary all day. Ugh. anyway, things are working out pretty well for me. I'm no longer brainwashed by the Hand, so that's good. Got me some revenge.

I talked to Wolverine 4 and he's having fun hanging around with cyclops and them. Just got back from Genosha, and he says it sucks. Completely destroyed by some big sentinel. Also Marvel called, they need one of us to do another crap miniseries. I suggested you. Later Bub.

Wolverine 5

One for the whole Wolvie haters society here

Kittycat,

All Your Panties Are Belong To Me!!!!!!!!


Deadpool.

Absolute brilliance

Dear Deadpool,

Your head belongs to me.

Piotr.


Dear Piotr

Which head are you talking about? Is this Ultimate Piotr or 616-Piotr...PLEASE BE 616.

Just Friends,
Deadpool

You guys cracked me up, you win, no more! I can't take any more!!!!

[LoneWolf21]

Dear Kurt,

Count your blessings, Tovarisch. Some of the X-Evo fanfiction I've seen where I figure prominently has to be read to be believed! Some writers give me such a thick accent, it sounds like I should be making 'beeg trouble for moose und squirrel!"

Later, Comrade,
Piotr.

P.S. Katya and the dragon say 'hi, Elf!'


Dear Piotr,

At least people actually write you in X-Evo fanfics!

See ya,

Sam.

[streator]

To: John
Re: Should I take Xavier's offer?

My spidey-sense is tingling....


-Pete

[Brian M.]

Dear Piotr,

At least people actually write you in X-Evo fanfics!

See ya,

Sam.


Dear Cannonballs,

With a name like that they aren't writing you in NORMAL fanfics. Look under the adult fanfics Cannonnuts.

Deadpool

[Crash-Man]

Dear X-Men,

I can walk again! It must be a side effect of that thing that happened just recently. Remember that thing?

-Prof X

ps. It just wore off.


HA! Teh win!

[LoneWolf21]

Dear Cannonballs,

With a name like that they aren't writing you in NORMAL fanfics. Look under the adult fanfics Cannonnuts.

Deadpool

Dear Wade,

Give me my Mom's old costume back!

Regards,

Rachel.

P.S.: I guess you can keep THOSE. They're unwearable by anyone now.

[slayer2005]

Dear Wade,

Give me my Mom's old costume back!

Regards,

Rachel.

P.S.: I guess you can keep THOSE. They're unwearable by anyone now.


Dear Wade,

I'll pay you Emma's entire fortune if you traumatize Cyclops wearing my mom's old costume.

Rachel

[Brian M.]

Dear Wade,

I'll pay you Emma's entire fortune if you traumatize Cyclops wearing my mom's old costume.

Rachel

Dear Rachel,

How about this, I'll give your mom's costume back if you prove to me your a redhead?

Yours anytime,
Wade

ps: Is it ok if Bea Authur joins ?

[xakko]

Dear Rachel,

How about this, I'll give your mom's costume back if you prove to me your a redhead?

Yours anytime,
Wade

ps: Is it ok if Bea Authur joins ?
Dear Wade,

How about instead I telekinetically scatter your molecules in volcanos, glaciers, tar pits, and the stomach acid of a whale?

Let me know,

Rachel

[Iron Syndicate]

These are funny.... here's some more...
---------------------------
Dear Jean,

It's not funny anymore. You keep leaving when it's YOUR turn to do the dishes...
stop it.

John Proudstar

---------------------------
Dear Wanda,

Good One.
Next time, can I have europe as well?

Apocalypse

----------------------
Dear Kurt,

Need to borrow image inducer. Have Gala tonight.
Thanks.

Ororo

------------------------------
Wing,

Dude!! I just found a little outcropping that looks straight into the girl's locker-room!!! DUDE!!!!! We just have to fly up the.... oh... nevermind.

Icarus

[Brian M.]

Dear Wade,

How about instead I telekinetically scatter your molecules in volcanos, glaciers, tar pits, and the stomach acid of a whale?

Let me know,

Rachel

Dear Wade,

Keep it up, she's still my daughter also, you wouldn't want me telling her mother about this would you?

Scott

[Blackcat]

Dear Mutants,

If I did get a counterpart in the 616 universe I could have undone HoM for you all.

Unfortunately they forgot all about me and because of that a lot of you will get depowered.

Best regards,

Switchback (AoA-universe)

.

[Blackcat]

Dear Brian,

Why didn't you invite me for the re-start of Excalibur, huh?

Amanda

.

[Blackcat]

Dear David, Lauri, Jay and Sofia,

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,....10, guess what, youre out!!!!!

Greetz,

The new new new mutants
Josh, Noriko, Julian, Cessily, Santo and Sooraya


PS: watch out, you might get de-powered now LOL



.

[Blackcat]

Dear Lord Magnus,

If you weren't so busy with your brain damaged daughter, you could have seen us waving the whole time at you back in Genosha.

Wanted to let you know we're alive and kicking. The other Acolytes died.

Greetz,

Scanner, Neopathe, Uniscione, Katu, Voght, Cargill and Senyaka.


.

[Alpha to Omega]

Dear Brian,

Why didn't you invite me for the re-start of Excalibur, huh?

Amanda

.

Dear Amanda,

Because you walked out without a word last time and Kurt tells me your a drunk.

-Brian

[Blackcat]

Dear Amanda,

Because you walked out without a word last time and Kurt tells me your a drunk.

-Brian

...hips... not true ...hips...

.

[streator]

To: ric
Re: last night, the banana, watching total recall, anthony michael hall, the whole "we're just friends" speech

i'm soooooo confused.........
:confused:

-shatty

[Brian M.]

To: ric
Re: last night, the banana, watching total recall, anthony michael hall, the whole "we're just friends" speech

i'm soooooo confused.........
:confused:

-shatty

Dear Shatterstar,

Sorry, that night was written by Liefeld so chances are it was a future version of myself from a very apocolyptic future who just wanted to cuddle, but yea even the banana confuses me...what the hell.

Rictor

PS...don't tell M about this, I've always wanted to nail a rich girl.

[Rachel Grey]

Dear Wade,

Keep it up, she's still my daughter also, you wouldn't want me telling her mother about this would you?

Scott

Dear Scott,

Mum allready knows. She also knows exactly what you and Emma have been doing with her favorite fridge magnet, the crystal dolphin statuette, three avacados and the vacuum cleaner.

Rachel.

PS: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

[Flight]

Dear Bishop

Next time you want to borrow my underwear, at least borrow the matching bra too!!!!!111111111111

Love,
Wolverine.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Bishop

Next time you want to borrow my underwear, at least borrow the matching bra too!!!!!111111111111

Love,
Wolverine.


Dear Wolverine,

not until you either a) get electrolysis or b) clean out the little hairs from it.

Kisses,
Bishop.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Mr. Stark,

thank you for the new image inducer. I have been enjoying it very much. I especially like the new memory-stick option with preprogrammed looks in it. Now I have a small favour to ask. Could you send me a stick with the following preprogrammed personalities?

- Scarlet Witch
- She-Hulk
- Wasp
- Spider-Woman
- Ms. Marvel

In return I'll send you my card.

Danke schön,
Kurt Wagner

PS: Has Stark Industries designed a self-cleaning mirror yet?

[LoneWolf21]

Dear Dazzler,

I'll let you keep my Slip-N-Slide if you let me have a couple of pictures of you using it.

-Deadpool.

P.S Clothing is optional.

P.P.S. If you include Bea Arthur I'll kill someone for you for free.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Scott,

I can appreciate that mutants need to stick together and all that, but allowing a guy named "Peepers" within 100 yards of the women's shower is just asking for trouble now, isn't it?

Love,
Kitty

[Brian M.]

Dear Scott,

I can appreciate that mutants need to stick together and all that, but allowing a guy named "Peepers" within 100 yards of the women's shower is just asking for trouble now, isn't it?

Love,
Kitty


Dear Kitty,

Hank had just given Peepers a photographical implant so that he could print what he saw. We thought this might give us an advantage when planning missions and such, you know, give us maps and all. Sadly we forgot Peepers had never been laid and well sorry.

Scott.

P.S. Might I add.....NICE!!!!!!

[Dizzy D]

Honeybuns,

I know that you mutants are being prosecuted right now, but do you really think that mansion is a safe place? I bet they won't even let you shoot any guys attacking you.. a slight maiming at best. Back at the office, you can shoot everybody! Well, not Sandy, but Tony is fair game. Please come back?

Love and kisses,
Alex

[Flight]

Dear Daddy

Why didn't you call me Pietr"a"?

Love,
Pietr"o"

[LoneWolf21]

Dear Polaris,

I hear you like fellas on the freaky side now.

You. Me. Nekkid in a tub of chocolate.

How about it?

Love, Deadpool

[rilokyle]

Dear Dazzler,

I ain't coming back to you until you grow some hair and become a blonde again. You look retarded.

-Longshot

[rilokyle]

Dear Lorna,

I just wanted to apologize for blowing up your green alien friend and failing to save you when it took you and the Leper Queen away. I also wanted to apologize for dumping you at the altar for that dirty ho of a nurse. What do you say? Will you take me back once you return from wherever Doop took you?

Love, Alex

PS- oh, and don't stress about losing your powers; your hair's still green so technically you're still a mutant. a mutant with a crap power that is. kisses!

[rilokyle]

Dear Wanda,

Thanks you bitch for making me lose my powers. I'm totally blaming you for getting me kicked out of any X-Men title. You're a great sister.

Lorna

P.S.- There's only room in this family for one crazy psycho, so back off bitch.

[rilokyle]

Longshot,

You have a mullet. Don't even start with me.

-Alison

[rilokyle]

Scott,

Thanks again for blaming me for Inferno and abandoning me and our baby for another redhead. You really know how to make a girl feel special.

Madelyne

PS- Alex is SO much better in bed than you. If I had survived Inferno he totally would've been my babydaddy.

[Brian M.]

Dear Maddy,

Quit bitching. Nate turned out alright, Scott and I raised him for 12 years in the future. That's right Scott and I, the parents Nate should have had. So enjoy the Afterlife, I know you've seen me there but unlike you I can come and go as I please so ha ha ha eat that.

Jean Grey-Summers

[Unkillable Cat]

Dear X-Men:

Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

- Lila Cheney.

[streator]

Dear Shatterstar,

I want your sex.

-George Michael

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Dear Professor Charles Xavier,

It is with great regret that we must inform you of our decision to cnacel your your home repair policy with our company. We cannot afford to rebuild your residence again. Six times in one year is just too excessive.

Sincerely,

AllCountry Insurance and Casualty


PS Please inform Mrs. Grey-Summers that we are cancelling her life insurance policy as well. we have been unable to contact her at her new address. What country is this White Hot Room located in by chance?

[Dizzy D]

Dear X-men,

waitaminute who are you again? Why am I writing this? How am I going to get this delivered? WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER!!!!


Love, Longshot

[Hi-Fi]

PS Please inform Mrs. Grey-Summers that we are cancelling her life insurance policy as well. we have been unable to contact her at her new address. What country is this White Hot Room located in by chance?

:D


..

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Dear Maddy,

Quit bitching. Nate turned out alright, Scott and I raised him for 12 years in the future. That's right Scott and I, the parents Nate should have had. So enjoy the Afterlife, I know you've seen me there but unlike you I can come and go as I please so ha ha ha eat that.

Jean Grey-Summers



Dear Jean,

Thank you so much for the note. I still wish i had killed the little tricycle motor but at least I didn't have to raise him. How are your and Scott's children? Oh that's right you never had children with him. Guess I was the lucky one.

Oh and one more thing, what's up with that coming and going you brag about? Guess you finally got stuck, you fat cow.

Oh well, at least Scott found a better class of woman than you. Not nearly so whiny and sniveling. But we can't help who we are.

Hope you're enjoying your isolation.

Love

Madelyne Pryor
Scott's first wife and mother of his only (explainable) kid

[The Fury]

Dear X-men,

Need House insurance?

You ain't ever gonna get any ever.

From

Churchill Insurance..

[Mitsaso]

Dear Bobby,

I'm sorry I'm letting you know in such a manner and not face-to-face, but we both need to start seeing other people. Or alien green potatoes, in this instance.
I know you were just resentful towards Alex, but don't worry, I never gave in on any of his proposals to get back together with him.
I also know you were just using me as a "beard" to hide your obvious feelings towards Jean-Paul, and now that you're not all-iced-up and can actually TOUCH people now, you don't need me for cover. Soon JP will be back from his rehab (oh, I did mention that he's alive, didn't I?) and I can be the best fag-hug for you guys. :)

Oh, and my new boyfriend is bisexual and doesn't mind doing swinging parties, so we might have more fun than you'd expect! :cool:

Love and Kisses,
Lorna and Doop.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Jubilee,

I know you missed your chance with Synch and Skin, but that part of Chamber is still working for now. Take your chance while you can, dear.

Love,
Monet

P.S.: You can strike Banshee off your list as well.

[Dizzy D]

Dear James,

you can fly??? Dammit, I needed that far more.

Resting In Peace,
John

[Dizzy D]

'Dear' Vulcan,

you BASTARD!! You, utter, utter bastard!! That should have been me. Joe Q, he promised me. He told me: "Adam, son, 2006 is going to be the year of the Third Summers Brother. Now move that cardboard box, it's blocking the door."

With burning HATRED,

Adam-X, TEH X-TREME.

[Brian M.]

'Dear' Vulcan,

you BASTARD!! You, utter, utter bastard!! That should have been me. Joe Q, he promised me. He told me: "Adam, son, 2006 is going to be the year of the Third Summers Brother. Now move that cardboard box, it's blocking the door."

With burning HATRED,

Adam-X, TEH X-TREME.

Dear Adam-X,

Honestly...you really wanted to be in this family?

Gabby.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Adam-X,

Honestly...you really wanted to be in this family?

Gabby.

Dear 'Gabby',

not so much the family. I just don't want to eat garbage anymore. But I just overheard Joe Q talking on the phone with Ellis, something about Nextwave and using third-rate characters. I knew that setting up my cardboard box outside his window would pay off! I'm in like Flynn this time. I'm glad I saved those royalties for X-treme X-men.
Off to England to camp in front of Ellis' pub!

Adam-X, TEH X-TREME

[Dizzy D]

Dear Sean,

don't planes just suck?

Love,
John

[Dizzy D]

Dear 'Danger',

you sure got a purty mouth, girl. How about you and mean go exchange some nuts and bolts one of these days?

Love,
Cerebro

[Mitsaso]

Dear Havok,

Ш рщзу нщг агслшт ВШУ ащк идфыештп ьу штещ ф згдз дшлу ерфею Щрб фтв Ш ьфву щге цшер нщгк пшкдакшутв Дщктф дщщщщтп иуащку нщг ыфц ьу ащк еру ашкые ешьую

Love, Daap.

[Dizzy D]

Dear Havok,

Ш рщзу нщг агслшт ВШУ ащк идфыештп ьу штещ ф згдз дшлу ерфею Щрб фтв Ш ьфву щге цшер нщгк пшкдакшутв Дщктф дщщщщтп иуащку нщг ыфц ьу ащк еру ашкые ешьую

Love, Daap.


Dear Daap,

really? Man, Lorna has become a freak! I'm glad I got out of there. I had my suspicions when she asked me to wear her underwear.

Good luck, man, you're going to need it.
Havok.

[Hi-Fi]

Dear Ultimate Rogue,

How come you're cooler than me? Am I just too old now? I miss my old self.

Love, regular Rogue.

[Valmore]

To Lorna:

You've taken Jell-O wrestling too far. Sure, it was great when you and Storm were rolling around in a big tub of tropical fruit Jell-O. But falling in love with a big green blob of space Jell-O that happens to be one of the worst characters to ever be introduced in the X-Universe is CREEPY.

I'm afraid that, for the second time in my life, I will have to windwipe someone. It's for your own good. It will already have happened by the time you finish reading this sentence.

Love,

Professor Xavier.

P.S.: Your name is Lorna. You live with the X-Men. Avoid both Bobby Drake and Alex Summers. I'll brief you soon.

[Rachel Grey]

Dear TJ,

No offense, but come on... "Butt Monkeys"? That was the best you could come up with?

Oh well, at least it isn't "Astroglide" I guess.

Love, Rachel.

PS. "Grrl" is so '98.

[Dan Apodaca]

But falling in love with a big green blob of space Jell-O that happens to be one of the worst characters to ever be introduced in the X-Universe is CREEPY.

Doop haters have their own special ring of hell, where everyone talks in Doopspeak and I laugh in your face at the torture you suffer.

[rilokyle]

Dear Emma,

You're a dirty slut, and have fun with my sloppy seconds. The only reason Scott's with you is because you're an easy ho. Oh, and just remember this: every time we've squared off, I've kicked your pathetic telepathic ass all over town, so chew on this bitch. You best pray I'm not Phoenix when I get back or your cellulite ass is toast.

Kisses,
Jean

[Valmore]

Doop haters have their own special ring of hell, where everyone talks in Doopspeak and I laugh in your face at the torture you suffer.

Good thing everything else in my life more than makes up for hating a crappy character invented by a pathetic writer.

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Dear Lorna,

Speaking as your therapist, I must ask that you come in to see me at my office immediately. We may need to up your medication doses after seeing that you are now in 'love' with what is basically the result of a Galactus allergy attack.

We have discussed this issue you have with constantly needing to 'be in love' with someone but this is truly taking things too far, Lorna. What happened to the 'Love Monkey' I gave you to help with these feelings.

Please, Lorna, come in and see me at once before this gets out of hand.

Dr. N. O. Crazieness

[chemicalx]

Dearest Logan & Betsy:

So this is what retcon feels is like... GODDESS SAVE ME FROM BAD WRITING!!!!


Lovingly yours,

RO

[Tre Styles]

Dear Rhane,

I'm sending you some very special poodle shampoo from Milan. I hear it does wonders for fleas. Aren't you ever so grateful?

Love,
Monet

[Rachel Grey]

Ro,

Wish I could help, darlin. I'm the best at what I do, but what I do ain't dealing with editors.

Logan.

[Brian M.]

Ro,

Wish I could help, darlin. I'm the best at what I do, but what I do ain't dealing with editors.

Logan.

Logan,

I understand...but hey atleast here in Africa I can keep up w/ your every move, your in every issue made in Marvel.

Here's to what might have been...

Ororo aka Mrs. Editor-Mandated-Black Panther

[Dan Apodaca]

Good thing everything else in my life more than makes up for hating a crappy character invented by a pathetic writer.

Okay, I didn't realize you were gonna get so riled up. I'm sorry that you can't see the greatness of Doop and the X-Statix characters, and I hope you find the time to loosen up a bit.

[Flight]

I thought this needed revising...
Go!!

[X-Factor]

Dear Jean,

Your "daughter" is ugly and Marvel doesn't want you back.

Hugs and kisses,
Emma Frost

[xakko]

Dearest Emma,

Sweetie, there's a reason the ONE soldiers were peeking at Rachel and not you. Could it be all the plastic doesn't show up on their infrared, and they see you for the surgeon's cutup you really are?

Alas, Marvel has relegated me to big events, whereas you just whore yourself out in any old title. But at least it's familiar territory for you.

lovingly,
Jean

[X-Factor]

Dear Jean

I think the ONE soldiers are gay. Or they are now anyway.

I'm in as many titles as your love interests so take that an lick it, birdy.

And darling, House of M is done and where are you? Awaiting for an Image artist to take interest?

Cordially,
Emma Frost

[streator]

Dear Bobby,

Picking up trash does qualify as community service for me.

Ciao, Boy George

(red, gold and green; red, gold and green)

[streator]

Dear James,
Re: A Modest (roflol, :D :D ) Proposal

My car talked to me. I commanded a talking car.

You think you have a chance?;)

DH

[Foley]

Dear Jean

I think the ONE soldiers are gay. Or they are now anyway.

I'm in as many titles as your love interests so take that an lick it, birdy.

And darling, House of M is done and where are you? Awaiting for an Image artist to take interest?

Cordially,
Emma Frost

Dear Emma,

The ONE solders aren't gay. Its just your perceptions are skewed by dating the shell of the man I used to love. How does it feel to have my left overs? Its a shame Rachel is in space, because those poor ONE soldiers aren't going to have any eye candy. By the way, tell your bald lesbian slavedriver (cassandra) that she's lucky that I'm not around to kick her ass again. Since the X-men have no telepaths left, (oh dear, i'm sorry...did you think you were a telepath?) she might have a chance.

Lovingly yours,
Jean

[Unkillable Cat]

Dear Gambit:

You're mine now!!

R.A. Salvatore.

[david r]

Dear students,

Having a wonderful. Wish you were. Can't wait to be coming.

Thinking of you and will be arriving home.

Charles Xavier

[Sentinel K]

Dear students,

Having a wonderful. Wish you were. Can't wait to be coming.

Thinking of you and will be arriving home.

Charles Xavier

Say WHAT!!?

[Sentinel K]

Dear Gambit:

You're mine now!!

R.A. Salvatore.

What?

Is he writing something with Gambit?!

Care to explain?

[david r]

Say WHAT!!?

Dear students,

Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here. Can't wait to be coming home.

Thinking of you and will be arriving home soon.

Charles Xavier.

I Just had to throw out all those postcards cliches. I should have written "Thinking of."

[Mikl C]

I liked the dirty version better :D Oh Charles you minx.

[Valmore]

What?

Is he writing something with Gambit?!

Care to explain?

Hee hee hee.

R.A. Salvatore invented Drizzt and wrote the majority of the popular Drow Elf material and books.

Now that Gambit looks Drizzt's long-lost twin brother, we're changing his name to Gambbt.

[Sentinel K]

Hee hee hee.

R.A. Salvatore invented Drizzt and wrote the majority of the popular Drow Elf material and books.

Now that Gambit looks Drizzt's long-lost twin brother, we're changing his name to Gambbt.

Oh.

You got me exited there.:(

[Valmore]

Oh.

You got me exited there.:(

Dear Mr. R.A. Salvatore -

Now that I look like a Drow, can I please be written into one of your books? Maybe a Drizzt, Gambbt team-up? It's been so long since I've been written decently by a X-writer that I need to go free agent. I already have the cool balck leather armor and fight with a staff.

Please, please, please! I could go for some hot Drow lovin' about now.

Sincerely,

Gambbt.

[david r]

Dear students,

I am having a splendid time here in Hawaii. Wish you were all here. I miss those oil-rubdowns by Jean <wink, wink>, but have found a nice Hawaiian girl here to rub my tired muscles for me. You know, boys will be boys!!

I understand that Peter and Katherine have begun their little romance again, since I've been gone. I absolutely forbid this unholy union to continue. 20 demerits for both of them!

Ah, I love to watch the sunset from my palatial home here on the mountaintop. From here in my wheelchair, I can sit and stare at the sea and the darkening skies. Unfortunately, the brakes on my chair snapped and I plummeted hundreds of feet into the ocean waves and nearly drowned. Luckily, a kind fisherman rescued me from certain death and all is well.

Kind wishes to all at the Mansion,

Charles Xavier

[Kirayoshi]

I understand that Peter and Katherine have begun their little romance again, since I've been gone. I absolutely forbid this unholy union to continue. 20 demerits for both of them!
Dear Professor Xavier:

YOU'RE STILL A JERK!

Much love,
Kitty.

P.S., Peter says hi, and also that Magneto was a better team leader than you were.

[Polaris437]

Dear Alex, Bobby, and the rest of the gang,

I'm still searching for Apocalypse and so far I've been to Mexico, Brazil, and parts of Europe. I hope you won't come looking after me. I'm also enjoying the powers Pocy gave to me. In addition to my magnetic willing abilities, I can somehow tell if people are lying to me, it's like I've become a human lie detector. Now I must continue on my journey to En Saba Nur. Huh. Wait. En Saba Nur. Could he be in.... Oh. Nevermind. I'll write back soon.

No longer belonging to anyone but myself,
Lorna

P.S. Alex, you have a better chance of getting with Rogue right now than with Emma. And Bobby, you really don't look good in Hawaiian shirts, so stop listening to JP.

[Darkwave]

Dear Henry McCoy

Have you noticed that bald spot growing a little larger? Have you considered using the combover or toupees in an attempt to cover up? Are you concerned that women won't find you attractive without your hair?

For more than 30 years, Hair Club has been a trusted solution for hundreds of thousands of men with thinning hair and hair loss. Hair Club is the world's leading provider of all proven hair loss solutions, including: state-of-the art, non-surgical hair replacement; the gold standard in hair transplantation; and, hair therapy programs that incorporate FDA-approved hair re-growth agents.

Hair Club is not about one product, one shampoo, or a miracle cure - Hair Club is about all proven hair loss solutions - backed by a guarantee of satisfaction. We will get you your hair back, thicker and fuller than before, enabling women to see the tiger within you.

We welcome your phone call to 1-800-GRO-HAIR, and look forward to hearing from you!

- Hair club for men (introducing our new Westchester office!)

[Foley]

Dear Henry McCoy

Have you noticed that bald spot growing a little larger? Have you considered using the combover or toupees in an attempt to cover up? Are you concerned that women won't find you attractive without your hair?

For more than 30 years, Hair Club has been a trusted solution for hundreds of thousands of men with thinning hair and hair loss. Hair Club is the world's leading provider of all proven hair loss solutions, including: state-of-the art, non-surgical hair replacement; the gold standard in hair transplantation; and, hair therapy programs that incorporate FDA-approved hair re-growth agents.

Hair Club is not about one product, one shampoo, or a miracle cure - Hair Club is about all proven hair loss solutions - backed by a guarantee of satisfaction. We will get you your hair back, thicker and fuller than before, enabling women to see the tiger within you.

We welcome your phone call to 1-800-GRO-HAIR, and look forward to hearing from you!

- Hair club for men (introducing our new Westchester office!)

That rocks! You're my hero!

[X-Factor]

Dear Emma,

The ONE solders aren't gay. Its just your perceptions are skewed by dating the shell of the man I used to love. How does it feel to have my left overs? Its a shame Rachel is in space, because those poor ONE soldiers aren't going to have any eye candy. By the way, tell your bald lesbian slavedriver (cassandra) that she's lucky that I'm not around to kick her ass again. Since the X-men have no telepaths left, (oh dear, i'm sorry...did you think you were a telepath?) she might have a chance.

Lovingly yours,
Jean

Dear Jean,

Whatever you say, darling. You may have the power, but you certainly do not have the control. While your powers may be fortunate enough to bring you to life, mine give me the luxury of not dying.

Speaking of hairstyle impaired lesbians, have you spoken to Rachel lately?

Cordially,
Emma Grace Frost

[Brian M.]

Dear Jean,

Whatever you say, darling. You may have the power, but you certainly do not have the control. While your powers may be fortunate enough to bring you to life, mine give me the luxury of not dying.

Speaking of hairstyle impaired lesbians, have you spoken to Rachel lately?

Cordially,
Emma Grace Frost


Dear Emma,

You said it best,"Superpowers, scantallizing whit and the best body money can buy and you still rate lower than a corpse".

See ya Bitch,
Jean.

[Rachel Grey]

Dear Emma,

Your surgeon called, apparently the warranty on your implants just expired. I'm told they will now swell up and violently explode. I'd say "you have my sympathies" but we'd both know I'd be lying.

Yours,
Rachel.

P.S. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!!
P.S.S. You cant prove I had a damn thing to do with them exploding. Sucker.

[X-Factor]

Dear Emma,

You said it best,"Superpowers, scantallizing whit and the best body money can buy and you still rate lower than a corpse".

See ya Bitch,
Jean.

Dear Jean,

I will admit Jean, Scott certainly still misses you. You are one of his previous loves after all.

You know what I mean about previous love. After all, there were those pictures of you and the Professor on the internet.

Say Hi to Elaine,
Emma

Dear Emma,

Your surgeon called, apparently the warranty on your implants just expired. I'm told they will now swell up and violently explode. I'd say "you have my sympathies" but we'd both know I'd be lying.

Yours,
Rachel.

P.S. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!!
P.S.S. You cant prove I had a damn thing to do with them exploding. Sucker.

Dear Rachel

I see Claremont is deciding to switch on the infant personality today.

I sure hope you settle on a solid personality before heading off to space. It's not healthy, dear Rachel, it is not healthy.

Sincerely
Emma

[Foley]

Dearest Emma,

I understand that you're having some personality issues yourself recently. After my father hands you your ass, please feel free to seek therapy outside of the mansion. If it does turn out that you're just delusional, maybe you'll finally admit that your many shortcomings make you an unsuitable X-man. I would say that you should pursue your teaching career, but we all know that you'd just get your students killed. Until then, enjoy keeping Mom's bed warm and being Dad's cum depository.

Toodles,
Rachel

[X-Factor]

Dear Rachel

Funny you should mention my students. Didn't your entire family die right before you? I still have students, yet you couldn't save not even one of your flesh and blood?

Shortcomings, child? I did not allow telepathic dinosaurs take control of my mind so I could attack my team.

I have my own bed, dear Rachel. Aren't you using your mother's nest? After all, you are using her name and attire.

Have fun at the family reunion,
Emma Grace Frost

[Flight]

Soooooooooooo bitchy!!

[Brian M.]

Dear Emma,

Nice job on the Hellions, GenX and the New X-Men squads.

Rachel.

[Hi-Fi]

Dear Rachel

Remember when you were cool? Yeah, me neither.

Love Emma

[Brian M.]

Dear Rachel

Remember when you were cool? Yeah, me neither.

Love Emma

Dear Emma,

Remember when you were a virgin?

Yea neither can we.

Rachel.

[X-Factor]

Dear Emma,

Remember when you were a virgin?

Yea neither can we.

Rachel.

Dear Rachel

And this thought came to you how?

Flattered, darling, that you are interested in my sex life though.

Your stepmom,
Emma G. Frost

[streator]

Dear Cyclops,

I swear that last one was not me.

Talk to someone. Please.

Always and forever,

John Dee

PS- irritable bowel syndrome is treatable; stop blaming me for everything already.

[streator]

Dear Magma,

Re: OOOHHHH IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!!!!!1!!

Yeah, not me again.

PS- stay away from Mammomax for once. Geez.

-JD

[Matthew K.]

this thread is twisted. :evilsmile

[Brian "Vash" Ashby]

Dear God,

It's me Iceman. When am i going to get my period? Bruiser already got hers and its making me nervous. I await anxiously, tampon in hand, for your deliverance. Send me a sign on the wings of my maxi-pad.

Hugs and Kisses
XoOxOOXOXOX

Bobby

[Brian M.]

Dear Bobby,

Don't talk to me homo.

~God

[Omega Alpha]

Dear Rachel,

The first time you came to this reality, you whined about your father being with another woman and begun to dress like and try to replace your mother. The second time you came to this reality, you whined about your father being with another woman and begun to dress like and replace your mother. I don't know what it was like in your reality, but here we would call you a sick and incestuous b*tch.

Sincerely, the only one who keeps your father warm at night,

Emma

PS: Hooking up with an alien? Who you're trying to fool?

[creaky]

Dear Kurt,

Family dinner on Friday. All your friends are welcome.

Sincerely,
~Dad

[Brian "Vash" Ashby]

Dear Gambit,

REMY! ITS DA TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

with deepest regards
Thieves guild member #6

[Flight]

Re-reading this threads always fills me with joy.

[Pro]

Dear Scott,

if you read this it means i died again.
I'll be back for diner.

Love, Jean

[Slung]

Dear Scott,

if you read this it means i died again.
I'll be back for diner.

Love, Jean

Dear Jean,

Your body may still be warm, but the leftovers are cold in the fridge. No worries, I was moving on by the time I got to the end of your postcard. Reheat, but don't wait up. I'll be doing my own cooking tonight.

Forever yours,
Scott

[YummiYami]

Dear Jean And Scott
HEY MOM AND DAD il take the left overs~ Btw make sure its not to hot or to cold i like it nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Rachel
P.S Mom you have to stop visiting the sauna.!

[Mikl C]

Dear Sage
I like your costume. Life is so tiresome without you. I haven't orgasmed in months.
-Storm.

[Slung]

Dear Ms. Frost,

We regret to inform you that we will not be able to issue you a New York Driver's License at this time. Although we agree that you certainly look 27 in the photos you sent us (the boys and I especially appreciated the panoramic one on the polar bear throw rug), we can not, in good faith, ignore your birth certificate and legally change your age. We are baffled that you managed to convince the Massachusset's DMV to doctor your age and weight on the license they issued you - you must have some mighty powers of persuasion. You are welcome to come in and discuss this with us at your convenience. We certainly wouldn't be opposed to seeing more of you (if that were possibly). You yourself said that 50 was the new 30 - and we feel that you should embrace that mantra with more realistic expectations.

Sincerely,
Salem Branch
New York DMV