The Official Zombie Apocalypse thread

[Ross Richie]

You know you want to.

G'head.

"During the Zombie Apocalypse, I'd grab a ___ and use it to ___."

"The problem with civilians in Zombie Apocalypse movies is that they ___. If they were smart, they'd ___"

Unleash. We are all secretly dreaming about it.

Chewy chewy best,
-R

[Michael Alan Nelson]

You know you want to.

G'head.

"During the Zombie Apocalypse, I'd grab a ___ and use it to ___."

"The problem with civilians in Zombie Apocalypse movies is that they ___. If they were smart, they'd ___"

Unleash. We are all secretly dreaming about it.

Chewy chewy best,
-R


Ah yes, the Zombie Apocalypse. Some people daydream of vacationing with starlets, rocking out onstage in front of thousands of fans, and flaunting the mad-cash made from gaming modules in front of the bully who stole their lunch money back in the day.

But some of us daydream of the undead.

So let's get right to it!

"During the Zombie Apocalypse, I'd grab a ___ and use it to ___."

Well, the first thing I'd grab would be my billy club that I keep next to my front door. It's an old-school police beater that a Chicago cop gave to my mom back in the late 60's. She used it as a laundry stick for 30 years(my mom is only 4'9" and needed it to pull out clothes in the bottom of the washer). It's solid, easy to handle, and can split skulls with the greatest of ease.

I also have a walking stick made of cedar. It's pretty flimsy but it has a pointed end that can be used in a pinch. There's also a sword next to the kitchen table. It's a full meter of Spanish steel, though it's dull and pretty unweildy. But I'd still grab it because, let's face it, sword + ZA = hot chicks.

At least it does in my world.

The second thing I'd grab would be that thing that everyone has in the back of their closet: the Apocalypse Kit. Flashlight, batteries, first aid kit, iodine pills, adrenaline shots, etc. Can't leave home without that, now can I? (You have an Apocalypse Kit too, don't you?)

It would be a good idea to have a bow with a few dozen arrows and about a hundred yars of rope. Nine times out of ten, survivors are going to end up on top of buildings. they'll be safe from the zombies but in danger of starving or dehydration. And it's usually the guy a block over who has all the food while another one has all the weapons. With the bow and the rope, you can shoot over a length of rope to another building and create zip lines, pulleys sytems, etc. Granted, it won't be where you want to stay but it should help you get stocked up with needed supplies without unnecessarily risking your lives.

"The problem with civilians in Zombie Apocalypse movies is that they ___. If they were smart, they'd ___"

The problem is they split up, argue, infight, debate over who's in charge, and just generally paint giant blue-plate specials on their foreheads that say "Dinner Here!" That's why I have the utmost confidence in my Apocalypse Crew. We are a well oiled machine. Everyone in my A.C. knows that the millisecond the zombie shoe drops, it's game on. No messing around. No time for panic. We all have our roles and know what those roles are. Just grab the brain smasher and the Apocalypse Kit (if you don't have one you better get one), coordinate a meet point, and then head to the hills.

That's probably the one thing that bugs me the most about ZA survivors. They don't know how to use their surrounding to their advantage. The biggest tool that you find in your surroundings is, well, your surroundings. Head to some place cold. We're talking about the dead folks. No body heat. No heat, they freeze. They freeze, can't move. Can't move, can't bite. Hence, victory. And it doesn't smell like napalm in the morning, boys and girls.

It smells like roadkill.

[Ross Richie]

Hmmm. Nelson, Stokes, you know me pretty well. What function would I serve in the Zombie Apocalypse amongst the survivors?

Publisher?

Best,
-R
file under "things that'll getcha killed"

[CoreyB]

I'm going to be completely and utterly honest with myself.

In the event of an Zombie Apocalypse.... I'd be completely and utterly useless.

I'd be dead in minutes.

[Flawless P]

I'd have a very sharp kitana as it is the only thing readily availble to me. After that a gun, then bigger guns. Then i would mod a bus. It would be like a combination of monster garage and Pimp my ride, The thing would rock. Zombies would eventually kill most of mankind. With that I am going to an Island in the middle of a lake. The Island would have booby traps and a Helicopter on it in case they pull a land of the dead on me. Well thats the plan, but nothing I ever do goes according to plan.

[Michael Alan Nelson]

Then i would mod a bus. It would be like a combination of monster garage and Pimp my ride, The thing would rock. Zombies would eventually kill most of mankind. With that I am going to an Island in the middle of a lake. The Island would have booby traps and a Helicopter on it in case they pull a land of the dead on me. Well thats the plan, but nothing I ever do goes according to plan.


What kind of mods would you make? I think that's something everyone who ponders the Z.A. thinks about at one time or another. Pretty soon you're going to need to move from point A to point B, preferrably NOT on foot with the undead masses close behind. So how do you do it?

[Erwin Heinek]

We all have our roles and know what those roles are. Just grab the brain smasher and the Apocalypse Kit (if you don't have one you better get one), coordinate a meet point, and then head to the hills.

And right there is your fatal flaw. You better co-ordinate your meeting point well ahead of time because once the Zombie Apocalypse hits there will be no communications network left.

[Michael Alan Nelson]

And right there is your fatal flaw. You better co-ordinate your meeting point well ahead of time because once the Zombie Apocalypse hits there will be no communications network left.


That's a good point. In fact, you should have several meeting points ready to go, then choose one when it all goes down. When zombies start running amok, meet points become compromised quickly so you have to have several in reserve, places that can't be agreed on until it happens and the situation can be assessed. And that's how you make it to the end credits: by having a plan.

[Erwin Heinek]

People participating in this thread might want to check out urbandead.com if they haven't already.

[Erwin Heinek]

"During the Zombie Apocalypse, I'd grab a ___ and use it to ___."

-R

...decent off-road capable truck, fill it with my family and the Deluxe Apocalypse Kit...head north to the fishing cabin my Apocalypse crew have built as a holiday time-share but (in the back of our minds) also as a meeting/survival place come the Zombie Apocalypse. We would then spend the winter waiting for the cold to take care of the Zombies. Any zombies left after that first winter should be less of a threat when we go back to a town for items we cannot make or grow ourselves as we try to carry on living.



"The problem with civilians in Zombie Apocalypse movies is that they ___. If they were smart, they'd ___"

-R

...stay too close to their comfort zones, that is cities. ...get as far away as possible from the cities since the larger the population, the more zombies you would have to contend with.

[Mac Danny]

Ive been thinking aobut Zombie plans so much I even wrote one whenI was 5! Here is a page out of my diary about zombie survival.

"Dear Diaray, should there ever be a Zombie Apocolypse, I would do my best to stay alive. I would put on my worst clothes that are all smelly from gym. I wold muss up my hair and use my Mom's makeup to make me look all Zombified. Then I would follow the zombies into a mall and find something really heavy to hit them with if they catch on that I am not a zombie.

I'd have to steal some trasportation, maybe a bulldozer. It may not be fast, but it would be real helpfull when the dead are piled 4 foot high. Plus it cool.

It would also be helpful to meet up with some really out of shape survivors. then there is less of a chance of me being eaten if we run.

then I would set up my non Zombie kingdom. I would round up all the vegetarians and hipies I could find and use them to feed any zombies that happened by my kingdom.

In my kingdom,. to prove you were not a zombie you would have to do something. Like recite a poem or make chocolate milk. Zombies can't do any of those things.

-danny brennan May 20th 1979 "

[Goody]

"During the Zombie Apocalypse, I'd grab a ___ and use it to ___."

I'd grab a 'set of leather clothes, with a helmet' and use it to 'protect myself a little bit better from the ravenous zombie hordes. Covering up isn't just protection against skin cancer, people. It's also protection against hordes of the undead.

"The problem with civilians in Zombie Apocalypse movies is that they ___. If they were smart, they'd ___"

They 'cling to the way things used to be.' If they were smart, they'd 'start cracking skulls and not looking back.' I love my folks and girlfriend, but if they ever come staggering at me with bits missing from their throats or an arm missing I think I'd be able to process that they're just trouble at this point.

[Mac Danny]

There is one big problem with the Zombie Apocolypse. people who question things. the ZA is no time for questions!!!

Now the movies have portrayed this as a very gender specific thing. Why is it, whenever a guy comes into the room and yells, "We got to get the F*%$# outaa here!!" and he is covered in blood. It is always his grifriend who instead of running, asks "Wait... What happened?? Who is chasing you?? why do we have to run?? Where are we running to? Etc.." wasting valuable time that could be spent, yep you guessed it.. RUNNING!

Noe he people that have layoed out thier plans here for the zombie apocolypse seem to have a good head on thier shoulders for staying alive. If you find a questioning person in the group. Beat them on the head and leave them as food for the zombies chasing you. they will only slow you down.

As I have heard it said, and I forget who or where so I apologize for not citing the ery funny source, "When you see a man, running down the street naked and screaming with his junk flapping in the night air. YOU RUN WITH THAT MAN!!"

This has been a public service announcement for the Zombie Apocolypse.

-Mac Danny
To Live and Die in the Z.A.