Things Spider-man would never say.....

[Sentry]

Not sure if this has been done in this forum yet so sorry if it has. There is a similar Dr. Doom one in the Marvel Universe section.

Enjoy!

I will start off with a couple....

''Responsibility ....Re-smoonch-ibility! ''

and

''not tonight M.J''

[Evil-Spidey]

"gwen is a pig fucking bitch"

[leg end]

'I'm so glad Uncle Ben died, cos otherwise I'd be a spoilt brat!'

[Hellfan]

Talking to the Stacy twins: "Who's your daddy?"

Hey MJ that blonde look really works for you.

[Sentry]

''with great power comes... wait... what is it again?''

[Evil-Spidey]

"Come and discuss all Batman related comics, characters, creators, movies, and everything else. Even batarangs."

[kudlaty_true]

"Green goblin, I love you. U'r the whole world to me"

[Evil-Spidey]

"My absolute favorite Spidey story arc has to be the original Sin-Eater story from Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man. It was just a great story.We had the death of a Spider-Man ally, bonding of Spidey and Daredevil, and just very well written all around."

[streator]

"my fingers remind me of unicorns and ten rainbows!"
"me=dance"
"ham sandwich or ernest beauregard?"

[Calamas]

"Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot"

[Crimson]

"Hey Norman! Let me get a round in!"

[The Defenestrator]

"You better respect the big Spidey before he slits yo' damn throat."

[Calamas]

“There’s just not enough time. If only I had a clone.”

“And you won’t be liable for fraudulent chaaaar-ges”

[bushboy]

"With great power, comes a great nightlife"

[Sabrinaset]

"Spider-Mobile? Sounds like a GREAT idea!"

"Na na na na na na na na Spider-Maaaaaan!"

"Sure, put Byrne on my book. Have him write about my early years."

"God, the Human Torch is so damn smart."

"Here, Reed, Let me explain Hawkman continuity to you. It's really simple..."

[Doom Hammer]

"gwen is a pig fucking bitch"

That's tasteless.

[Harold of the Rocks]

“There’s just not enough time. If only I had a clone.”


"With great power, comes a great nightlife"

.. Actually, I can see him saying these pretty easily. He is quite the smartass, and isn't afraid of self-depricating humor, ya know.

But I can't see him saying...

"Right now...there's a gopher in my pants, and his name is Carlos."

"I'm sorry MJ, but I'm in love with Razorback!"

"Woe to you oh earth and sea, for the devil sends the beast with wrath, for he knows that time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast... for it is a human number... it's number is 78,453,212,053.726 ... give or take twenty."

"Fish On!"

"Thank goodness that my costume wasn't ripped off! Otherwise, Rhino would have seen my my Mary Jane Watson Underoos (bra and panties)!"

"DDM's avatars are soo sexy!!"

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!"

"Nobody draws me better than Todd McFarlane!"

(no offense, TF, because my stick-man sucks, but your Spidey is way down on my list...then again, I believe there are others who think you are the dank...so the proverbial grain of salt is required here.. ;) )

"Black Cat, if you think my hands are sticky.. sister, you haven't lived!!"

"This web-condom will show you how much of a man I am Goblin!!"

(and if he ever says this, I will pull an Oedipus Rex and rip out my own eyes and flagelate myself until my skin is gone...)

"Harold of the ..... Rocks!"

;)

[Harold of the Rocks]

That's tasteless.

Agreed. Evil Spidey tries too hard to be Howard Stern, which he aint...

My advice (and future action/inaction) is to not even dignify this crap with a reply. Being a heartless dickwad is easy. Being thoughtful... takes thought.
;)

[Sanagi]

"With great power comes great opportunities for promiscuous sex!"

[Thrice]

Hey just because gwen is dead does not mean i cant make love to her.

[Thrice]

I have taken the goblins memeber in my booty but can I take the rhino. Well with great power comes great anal sex.

[Evil-Spidey]

That's tasteless.
thats why its a thing which spider-man would never say

and better tasteless than useless like this thread. :rolleyes:

[bushboy]

"I wonder Venom loves me.?

[Sabrinaset]

"Quiet or Papa Spank"?

[ocelotrevs]

"Wanna see how I deliever my poison"

[jade_nova]

"You know that Green Goblin is a pretty good guy."

[Converge]

"I know what you're asking yourself. And the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the octagon. But I aslo nicknamed my testis. My left one is James Westfall and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noiswater. You ladies play your cards right, you just might get to meet the whole gang."

[The Defenestrator]

"Quiet or Papa Spank"?
Excellent. :D

[Alan2099]

"I've been thinking about a new look. Black leather, some chains, spikes, maybe some outrageously huge cape...What do you think?"

"Wait. You can make clones of anybody? You know, maybe we can just skip the butt kicking stuff today. I have a little deal for you..."

"I crave the taste of human flesh"

[MaxPowers]

"Marvel needs more symbiote characters. Venom, Carnage, and Toxin aren't enough. How about a foamy white symbiote named SPERMICIDE? Yeah, I'd love to tussle with that dude."

[Dark Soul # 7]

I´m sorry MJ but I have to leave you. I have found someone else, someone who treats me the way I want to be treated. Now goodbye.

*later in another appartment*
SM: That was great! Did you feel the Earth shake?
J. Jonah Jamesson: Sure did wallcrawler, sure did.

More of a scene but still.

[metalhead_dave743]

"adios Mafia!"

"ho Ho Ha Ha Ha Ha! Goodnight Americanos!"

[Six_and_Up]

"I wanna clone myself"

[StarsAndGarters]

"Flash, Flash, Flash, how many times did I tell you not to drink and drive, but noooooo, you wouldn't listen..."

So not Spidey.

[Sentry]

'' well i thought batman begins was better than both 1 and 2!''

[Doom Hammer]

"Thwippin' ain't easy."

[Arrjay]

Suck on my chocolate salty balls.

[Sir_Hawkeye]

"I don't have a good quip ready!" That he would never say!

[Your Impending Doom]

" I'm Rick James bitch!" ????

[untitled user]

"I know what you're asking yourself. And the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the octagon. But I aslo nicknamed my testis. My left one is James Westfall and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noiswater. You ladies play your cards right, you just might get to meet the whole gang."

Yes, but he would use the following quotes:

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!"

"LOUD! NOISES!"

[The Defenestrator]

Yes, but he would use the following quotes:

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!"

"LOUD! NOISES!"
"I love... lamp..."

[Erebus]

*peter changing his costume, when aunt may knocks on his door*
"Peter, what are you doing intere?"
"N-Nothing, aunt may"
'That boy is going to get tunnel syndrome with all that touching he does by himself,' auntmay thinks

Ok, I know thats not what Spidey would say, but whatever.

[Backblast]

"No sir, Mr. Smith. I don't mind at all that you took three ****ing years to finish writing my Black Cat mini." :p

[DLH1970]

"So Norman, how was she?"

[Doom Hammer]

"So Norman, how was she?"

EW!

Now see, that lacked taste, but was clever enough to make up for it.

Nice.

But still, EW! :D

[Kirayoshi]

(to scared crooked cop snared from a scaffold, screaming, "I don't know anything, I swear to God!") "SWEAR TO ME!"

[Evan Lanctot]

"Tell DiDio I wanna talk to him"

"Pass the bong, Osborn"

"Hmmm.....MJ and Gwen would've made a great Spidey sammich"

[Kirayoshi]

(movie version)
"So, MJ, doin' anything after the funeral?"

[rockgrant]

Where...is Padme? NOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Shadow Skill]

Spidey:Hai Wade.

DP:Bye Doggie.

[RDMacQ]

Spider-Man to Molten Man:

"Oh, HAI Mark...."

[RyanParkerMan]

Today the best person I know set me free.

[RyanParkerMan]

Yo Logan wanna get a manicure after we f@#k up the hood?!?

Actually, he might say that...

[Mister Mets]

"Pass the bong, Osborn"

It's five years too late to offer congratulations, but I do believe this is the winner.

[RDMacQ]

"That's a LIE, I'd never HIT her!"

"You're TEARING ME APART!!!"

[xcoijoi]

That's a good one, the one about finishing up the Black Cat mini.

[xcoijoi]

MJ, I'd like to marry you again, but only if Felicia can share the bed.

He might think it, but his Spider-sense would slap him silly, before the 8th word came out of his mouth.

[dodger8804]

"MJ, the only reason I married you was for your tits."

...
"I mean seriously. Look at them. GOD DAMN."

[Jer]

I'm going to get laid tonight and I don't care who I pick up.

[the Dagman]

"My name is Peter Parker. And I have been Spider-Man since I was fifteen years old."

[Duy]

"My name is Peter Parker. And I have been Spider-Man since I was fifteen years old."
"Peter Parker is dead. I am the Spider."

Oh wait.

[sixela]

"Oh for f$%ks sake Aunt May...Wheatcakes.....AGAIN???"

:evilsmile:

[Billium 3]

"I know who FACADE is!!!"

*To MJ after witnessing him crawl out his window the night his Uncle Ben was murdered* "You've seen too much; I can't let you live. Trust me, it's a helluva lot nicer than what my editors will do if I don't..."

*Receives Oscar* "Wow. This is such an honor. I just want to thank Avi Arad and such a wonderful cast, like Topher Grace and Thomas Hayden Church; those guys were great. Plus, it doesn't hurt to have the Betty Page of our times, Kirsten Dunst, in your movie. If you liked number 3, wait'll you see 4, it's gonna knock your socks off!"

"Gwen who?"

"I love you, Mary Jane. I want to spend the rest of my life with you..."

"MJ, Will you marry me? Again?"

"I miss Howard Mackie... And John Byrne."

"And remember that time those spikes, or stingers, or whatever the hell they were called came out of my arms?!? Yeah, me neither."

"Today was so great Aunt May! Mr.Osborn took me and Harry to the park! And then he took us to get Dairy Queen while he waited in the car! And when we got back, Gwen was there with him in the back seat! It was such an awesome surprise, I tell you what..."

[Karl Cook]

"I, Peter Parker, take thee, Mary Jane Watson, to be my lawful wedded wife..."

"My name is Peter Parker and I'm a sex addict. I'm particularly fond of 'swinging'."

"With great power comes no responsibility whatsoever. Seriously, Uncle Ben, what were you thinking?"

[matthewaos]

"Kraven is gay"

[Karl Cook]

"Uncle Ben may have died under tragic circumstances but at least I have his rice to remember him by."

[John Zaleski]

"Oh for f$%ks sake Aunt May...Wheatcakes.....AGAIN???"

:evilsmile:

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

"does anyone find it wierd i'm having sex while wearing a spider-man mask?"

[ShaggyB]

"This is my wife Mary Jane"

[sixela]

"Uncle Ben may have died under tragic circumstances but at least I have his rice to remember him by."

:biggrin: That was good!!


" Thanks Dr. Strange, in addition to the mindwipe , no one on earth can get my electric company theme song out of there head."
:evilsmile:

[coconutphone]

"Uncle Ben may have died under tragic circumstances but at least I have his rice to remember him by."

LOL Reminds me of what my buddy whispered to me while watching the Uncle Ben death scene in Spider-Man 1

"I'd say Uncle Ben was cooked."

We couldn't stop laughing for a good 10 minutes. Got dirty looks from other movie goers. But then I had to sit through that dreadful movie so I consider it even.

[E. Wilson]

"Well, congratulations, doctor, I think that-Psyche! Hail Hitler!"

[Horizon09]

Spider-Man to Molten Man:

"Oh, HAI Mark...."

"Anyway, how's your sex life?"

[xcoijoi]

"MJ, I'd like to marry you again, but only if you stop getting upset when I shout out, 'Oh, Gwen, nobody does it like you!', when we're climaxing. It's the heat of the moment, MJ, you shouldn't take it so personally."

[xcoijoi]

"MJ, I'd like to marry you again, but only if you support me, while I watch superhero cartoons. I'm tired of risking my life because of some dead uncle, whose simplistic philosophy couldn't possibly apply to people with superpowers."

[Aziz Abbasi]

616:
"Die Aunt May"
"Dr. Octopus, let us be master and student, and you will be my student"
"Iron Man is a dick"
"Luke, I had it with your wife when we were 20 years old, she was sexy back then"
"My favorite voice actor for my role is Mike Vaughn"
"Michelle Gonzalez is perfect to be my wife"
"I will be a better mercenary than Wade is, I'll kill with no guns"

Ultimate:
"Norman is my master"
"Nick Fury is a great man"
"Octavius, let us be master and student, your are my student"

[Silvermoth]

"You've all got some mansplaining to do."

[TimmyG316]

"Can't Pay my rent this month. Why wont aunt May die so I can cash in on the inheritance?"

[Froggy]

"Ok kitty/mj/gwen you're not acting crazy, no not at all"-Ultimate PEter

[Schmed]

"shazam!!!!!"

[CSM101]

After i stick this hot poker in your ass, i'm gonna chop your dick off


"Na na na na na na na na Spider-Maaaaaan!""

i think he said that in one of the hulk books

[Schmed]

After i stick this hot poker in your ass, i'm gonna chop your dick off

Someone has been watching the Tudors!

[RDMacQ]

BaZinga!!!

[SuperCooper]

"In Brightest Day, in Blackest Night..."
"I hope there's a Deadpool Corps character analogous to me!"

[Perkele]

"Screw the rules, I have money!"

[Jim Thompson]

"Aunt May? %$#& that old bag." :biggrin:

[The Superior Michael Deery]

I can't believe I've been trapped in a giant bath

[Alan2099]

Okay Jameson, it's time for your daily erotic massage.

[AmazingPancake]

Nothing has gone wrong this year, and I'm completely happy! Yay! :biggrin:

[Duy]

"I live in a giant bucket."

[CSM101]

Someone has been watching the Tudors!

Old George Carlin, actually

[Aziz Abbasi]

"I'm the richest man on Earth"

[Jim Thompson]

Old George Carlin, actuallyIndeed it is! :biggrin:

[sixela]

" Yea...the costume's green and the spider is now a marijuanna leaf...you guys can't see my eyes can you?? hur hur hur..."

Spiderman intros his new costume to the New Avengers:

[Aziz Abbasi]

"I really miss the Iron Spider"

[Jason Abbadon]

"I impaled Norman after he impaled Gwen"

"I filmed Auny May getting freaky"

"I'll never borrow money again!"

"Harry...ya got any painkillers?"

"You'll never guess how I learned Photoshop with no computer!"

"Meet my new partner...Spider-Kid!"

"I'd sell my soul for more web-fluid right now..."

[Web Swing]

"You better respect the big Spidey before he slits yo' damn throat."Damn this just this.

This thread confirms that Wade Wilson is Spiderman's evil twin brother or clone. His jokes and Spidey's jokes aren't really different except Wade will make jokes ad nausim and do it with no holds bared, Spider man being light hearted and a role model holds back his witty material a bunch. Spidey if he was not the whole Hero, would be just like Wade minus the insanity.