I'm Your New Dungeon Master

[west3man]

*bonks west3man with his lute*
As long as that's a literal lute, I'll take the hit. Otherwise I'm filing medieval sexual harassment charges.

[JeffreyWKramer]

Gets hit in the head by a rock, falls over and gets back up laughing madly. The Old Ones are apon us!! Apon us I say!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


The elf watches for any sign of eldritch bad mojo of the Unspealable type, and if any shows, he's gonna aim for Rachel's heart and let fly an arrow - then another - then another.

[darkkeeperjr]

*Looks at the surrounding madness*

"I fear we been abandoned by the force that guides us"

*shoots a bolt at rachel head. *

*reloads*

[Michael P]

*Looks at the surrounding madness*

"I fear we been abandoned by the force that guides us"

*shoots a bolt at rachel head. *

*reloads*
*attempts to catch the bolt in midair*

[west3man]

*attempts to catch the bolt in midair*
*riiiiing*
Apologizes for mobile phone ringing at this suspenseful moment.

*feels the collective glare from everyone*

[venuscameback]

oooh looks fun! can anyone play?

if so how do i generate a character & are you using any particular system or your own, culled from various?


venus

[K'Nort]

*Looks at the surrounding madness*

"I fear we been abandoned by the force that guides us"

*shoots a bolt at rachel head. *

*reloads*

*snatches crossbow*

"We do NOT attack strangers for simply appearing mad."

DM: I'd like both an alignment and a morale check on DK here.


Venus: Total free-form.

[Valmore]

Gets hit in the head by a rock, falls over and gets back up laughing madly. The Old Ones are apon us!! Apon us I say!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

This opponent appears to be rather looney, which probably means she's in the wrong game. This isn't "Call of Cthulhu" - this is AD&D.

[Valmore]

As long as that's a literal lute, I'll take the hit. Otherwise I'm filing medieval sexual harassment charges.

You take 2 hit points of damage and feel rather violated, since you didn't do anything to deserve this.

[Bard]

Wife of DM: :p

[JeffreyWKramer]

Wife of DM: :p


There goes all the treasure! ;)

[Valmore]

Wife of DM: :p

Dungeon Master is distracted as wife sticks her tongue out at him - if you're going to fudge rolls, now would be the time to do so!

[Michael P]

Dungeon Master is distracted as wife sticks her tongue out at him - if you're going to fudge rolls, now would be the time to do so!
*fudges his roll on catching the arrow*

[Valmore]

*fudges his roll on catching the arrow*

With amazing deftness, you catch the arrow exactly in the middle of the shaft - no bleeding from the point hitting you, and no breaking the feathers. You could use it again if you wanted!

[west3man]

You take 2 hit points of damage and feel rather violated, since you didn't do anything to deserve this.
Thank you.

An unexpected result is that now I go at night secretly trolling for lute.

[Michael P]

With amazing deftness, you catch the arrow exactly in the middle of the shaft - no bleeding from the point hitting you, and no breaking the feathers. You could use it again if you wanted!
I snap the arrow in halfand hand it back to dark, saying, "Thought, then action. Try it sometime."

[Bard]

((Hint to players: I have ways to totally distract him if you need a really good roll.))

;)

And yes, I am on call tonight.

[Valmore]

Thank you.

An unexpected result is that now I go at night secretly trolling for lute.

west3man hears a rumor about a Lute who likes to coach young men playing a game in some place called "Arizona."

And yes, I am on call tonight.

The Dungeon Master's wife is on call, and should come visit her poor, working stiff husband. :p

[west3man]

The Dungeon Master's wife is on call, and should come visit her poor, working stiff husband. :p
*blackmails the Dungeon Master for valuables in exchange for not posting this in Ye Olde Oute Ofe Contexte Digeste Threade*

[ragnarok_2012]

"This never happened with Venger."

[darkkeeperjr]

*hangs head down slightly*
"sorry about the bolt"

"can any of the scouts see any part of the town ahead?"

[Alex]

I thought this would be different, like...you still post, but you do it in D and D style.
"You are walking down a dungeon, the dank smell of it causes you to place your cloak over your nose. You hate christians, especialy if they are republican, and you think black people are portrayed corectly in comics.
Suddenly, you are attacked by a conservative with a knife that is Plus 2 to off topic coments...
And so on, and so forth.

[Valmore]

Alex gets attacked by a Liberal Communist Pinko brandishing a burning American flag. Roll for initiative, fascist boy!

[venuscameback]

I thought this would be different, like...you still post, but you do it in D and D style.
"You are walking down a dungeon, the dank smell of it causes you to place your cloak over your nose. You hate christians, especialy if they are republican, and you think black people are portrayed corectly in comics.
Suddenly, you are attacked by a conservative with a knife that is Plus 2 to off topic coments...
And so on, and so forth.


*giggle*


that's my favourite post of yours that I've ever read Alex

I didn't know you were so witty


venus

[Rachel Grey]

*hangs head down slightly*
"sorry about the bolt"

"can any of the scouts see any part of the town ahead?"

Pulls the bolt out of her head. No problem! :D

Strahd cakes anyone?

[Michael P]

Pulls the bolt out of her head. No problem! :D

Strahd cakes anyone?
Psssst... I caught it.

[darkkeeperjr]

Psssst... I caught it.

good catch too!

[Valmore]

Pulls the bolt out of her head. No problem! :D

Strahd cakes anyone?

Rachel performs a magic trick by pulling a bolt from her head, since Mr. Pullman already caught the one fired at her. Many are impressed.

[K'Nort]

I suggest we resume our journey before our scout (Rags) gets too far ahead.

[Valmore]

I suggest we resume our journey before our scout (Rags) gets too far ahead.

The party continues its journey westward towards the nearest town. As you progress you can make out some of the taller buildings over thw treeline as the sun sets. You hope there's a good tavern nearby, since many of you are getting hungry and thirsty and tired.

[Bard]

Alex gets attacked by a Liberal Communist Pinko brandishing a burning American flag. Roll for initiative, fascist boy!


Nah, said redheaded (who's most american indian) republican conservative hits Alex; Alex suffers 36 damage points. :evilsmile :p

[Valmore]

Nah, said redheaded (who's most american indian) republican conservative hits Alex; Alex suffers 36 damage points. :evilsmile :p

Alex gets hit for 36 points of damage and dies. His entrails hang from him like Christmas lights on a tree.

[darkkeeperjr]

The party continues its journey westward towards the nearest town. As you progress you can make out some of the taller buildings over thw treeline as the sun sets. You hope there's a good tavern nearby, since many of you are getting hungry and thirsty and tired.

"I hope we can get some cold ones and catch up on some news too."

[ragnarok_2012]

*is probably in the town by now*

I try to find rooms for the group.

[Jagatai_Khan]

Yep. I've decided to drop this facade of posting stuff, which seems to just make people mad at each other, and I'm going to type posts like I'm running a role-playing game now.

And so we begin:

You are walking along a dirt road that leads through a dense forest. It's late afternoon, getting near dusk. You should be in town within the next two hours, however.

There's nary a cloud in the sky, and you see some squirrels hopping around, looking for food. Some birds chirp a little in the trees. And despite the hour growing towards nightfall, it's unseasonably warm outside.

Minutes later, you are ambushed by orcish raiders! There's six of them, wearing leather armor and brandishing different sorts of swords and axes. They demand you pay them the toll of 25 gold per person.

Quick! What do you do?!?


I tell my squad's Automatic Rifleman (Ding Chavez, of course) to hose them down with his M-249, and have one of my grenadiers turn their bodies into red mist afterwards with an OICWS airburst Grenade.

It's the only way to be sure. :D

[Rachel Grey]

Follows the party, juggling kittens as she goes.

[darkkeeperjr]

The party continues its journey westward towards the nearest town. As you progress you can make out some of the taller buildings over thw treeline as the sun sets. You hope there's a good tavern nearby, since many of you are getting hungry and thirsty and tired.

*runs up aheads to the scouts*



(posting something to keep it off the back page)

[Winslow]

*starts to hum a halfline tune*

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.

[Valmore]

*runs up aheads to the scouts*

Just after nightfall your party makes it to town. It's a modest-sized down with a good-sized population. You see your choice of at least three inns as well as other shops, though those have closed down for the evening. You hear merriment from one of the inns on the left of the street called, "The Drunken Fodder."

[K'Nort]

Just after nightfall your party makes it to town. It's a modest-sized down with a good-sized population. You see your choice of at least three inns as well as other shops, though those have closed down for the evening. You hear merriment from one of the inns on the left of the street called, "The Drunken Fodder."

And the other two?

[Bard]

Shouldn't matter as long as they have good rum. *Hic*

[darkkeeperjr]

Just after nightfall your party makes it to town. It's a modest-sized down with a good-sized population. You see your choice of at least three inns as well as other shops, though those have closed down for the evening. You hear merriment from one of the inns on the left of the street called, "The Drunken Fodder."

" Well stags and lass. Who up for a bit a fun at the fodder?" huh?"

" Hey uni lover! might be a chance for you to get lucky before we travel tomorrow! hee hee"

" hey let's have some fun, but don't be caught napping if you take my meaning! huh?

[Valmore]

And the other two?

Further up on the left is a relatively quite inn called "The Knight's Reprieve." The lights are on there, however. Across from there is another relatively quiet inn called, "The Tin Mug." The lights are also on there.

[Rachel Grey]

Carrot ale! Foamy orange beverages! :D

[Valmore]

Carrot ale! Foamy orange beverages! :D

Are you entering a tavern and ordering a beverage?

[Rachel Grey]

Are you entering a tavern and ordering a beverage?

If we're allready in the tavern, if not I'm just excaliming joyfully about beverages. :p

[Bouncing Boy]

Goes into the Drunken Fodder and sings some drinking songs, hoping to get a few coins to pay for my room.

[darkkeeperjr]

*Goes into the fodder and looks around as i head to the bar*


(What do i see?)

[Michael P]

Against my better judgment, I follow my comrades into The Drunken Fodder.

[darkkeeperjr]

"Make sure us bigger folks watch out for the wee ones."
"won't be surprise if someone tries to eat them in this place. Hee Hee"

[Valmore]

Against my better judgment, I follow my comrades into The Drunken Fodder.

You all walk into the Drunken Fodder, or so I assume. It's a lively sight with many folks tossing back mugs of beer, ale and all other sorts of potent potables. A few people are already passed out. A small crowd has gathered over by the fireplace, where an Elvish mandolin-player is signing a song about a great hero saving the lady fair. Some are even dancing. In another corner, a young lad drinking his first beer is also getting his first taste of something more lecherous, as a saucey bar wench is also trying to tickle the tops of her teets with his three-day old stubble.

Still, there seems to be room enough for everyone, and there is an open table, albeit in the furthest place away from the bar.

[darkkeeperjr]

You all walk into the Drunken Fodder, or so I assume. It's a lively sight with many folks tossing back mugs of beer, ale and all other sorts of potent potables. A few people are already passed out. A small crowd has gathered over by the fireplace, where an Elvish mandolin-player is signing a song about a great hero saving the lady fair. Some are even dancing. In another corner, a young lad drinking his first beer is also getting his first taste of something more lecherous, as a saucey bar wench is also trying to tickle the tops of her teets with his three-day old stubble.

Still, there seems to be room enough for everyone, and there is an open table, albeit in the furthest place away from the bar.



*walks to the open table*

[Winslow]

*hops on bar stool*

*throws several coins on bar, waves to comrades*

DRINKS ARE ON ME!

[Nate C.]

I say, hullo, hullo. Someone say "free drinks?"

[Michael P]

*sits down at the table and surveys the room, looking for potential troublemakers (other than my compatriots, of course)*

[darkkeeperjr]

"well get the bar wrench to set us up with some strong ales!!"

"

[Michael P]

"well get the bar wrench to set us up with some strong ales!!"

""I'll pass on that, but if there's meat and milk to be had, I'll gladly take some."

[Rachel Grey]

Carrot Ale!! Foamy orange beverages! Grabs two tankards of ale and sips from each before hopping (literally) onto the dancefloor.

[Bouncing Boy]

*joins the elvish bard with the mandolin in singing.*

[tricksterpup]

*joins the elvish bard with the mandolin in singing.*
*howls in the background*
http://www.jeffrichphoto.com/images/mammals/coyote%20howling%20vertical.jpg

[Slam_Bradley]

Does the old water into wine trick.

[west3man]

*wanders into deserted cottage* *stomach growls*
*sees 3 uneaten meals* *quickly gobbles them up*

*rolls dice to see how my stomach reacts to'em*


CRAPS.

[Winslow]

*drinks another ale*

*belches*

*makes sure money pouch is still concealed*

[ragnarok_2012]

*pays for an ale & goes off into a dark corner*

[The Grey Man]

Being as I favoured Super Hero games, most notably the highly underated but actually brilliant Villains & Vigilantes, I creep into the latrines and change into my PhotonTM costume. I leave via the window only to reenter by the front door. I remonstrate with the young fellow about the moral ambiguity of having a buxom wench gyrating in his face until he leaves, ashamed and chastened by his unseemly behaviour. I then recall that as a Dragon Warriors character, (another criminally under appreciated games system), I was a barbarian and return to the privy to change into my furry loincloth and chainmail. I then return to the bar, order a flagon of mead in loud, boarish tones and plonk myself on the recently vacated stool by the dancing wench. Once ensconced I ply her with bronze coins in her saucepan-lid bra whilst looking out for the mad man or merchant who invariably can be found in inns looking for bands of adventurers to fullfil some quest or other. Once i've located said plot-device npc, and after satisfying myself with dancing wenchs charms, I offer my services to the npc to guard his merchant train, hunt his kidnapped daughter, explore hidden caverns, etc
:D

[Slam_Bradley]

Does the water into wine trick on a larger scale.


"Is the proprietor pissed off yet?"

[darkkeeperjr]

"Whispers to pullmann" it's that guy in the lioncloth the same one that chased away the young boy while wearing a funny looking uniform?"

"did he do that for the wench?"maybe the ale had gone to my head. but i only had a sip."
"Ha! he acts like me in my younger days. I think he all show and bluster. we need to watch him thou!

*orders meat and patatos. gives up a few coppers for it.ask and receives some spices from the kitchen which i wrap and put in one of my pockets.*

[Valmore]

*hops on bar stool*

*throws several coins on bar, waves to comrades*

DRINKS ARE ON ME!

Winslow has become the most popular man in the bar, as several people have now decided that they are his "comrades" and have come up to the bar to get their free drinks.

Fortunately, the coins piled on the counter seem sufficient enough to the bartender to pay off the drinks so far, since the bartender has quickly put them away.

[Valmore]

*joins the elvish bard with the mandolin in singing.*

At first the bard is hesitant, until he realizes that you know the tune and can keep pace with him. The two of you go through a rousing middle-age jam session of sorts, the likes of which the locals have never seen. Many drinks are brought before you and some people even toss tips into empty glasses and put them down in front of the two of you.

Rachel Grey can be seen dancing around to the tunes.

Tricksterpup, however, is soon led off by the bouncer and tied up outside to a post, since no one likes to hear howling inside an enclosed area. Roll to see if you can resist the scent of another dog "marking his territory" by the post you're tied to.

[Valmore]

Does the water into wine trick on a larger scale.


"Is the proprietor pissed off yet?"

No, but he hands you some gold as thanks for resupplying him with wine. He had lots of water, but his wine shipment was weeks overdue. He was down to a really cheap dwarvish wine concoction.

[Valmore]

"I'll pass on that, but if there's meat and milk to be had, I'll gladly take some."

A bar wench brings you some goat's milk and a plate of spare ribs. Your search for trouble only seems to spot a couple of louts who have had too much to drink and tend to be on the angry side of inebriation. Though you make a note of a hooded man in the corner who appears to be sizing you and your comrades up with curiosity.

[Michael P]

I pay for the meat and enjoy my meal, glancing surreptitiously at the mysterious stranger every so often.

When Slam comes over and sits down, I tell him that lodgings for the group are on him.

[ragnarok_2012]

After nursing my ale, I finally go onto my second cup o' brew.

[North]

*walks into bar*

"Could i have some milk please"

*entire bar looks at me*

"uh milk and whisky and rye I mean of course....."

[Rallura]

*saunters back in with a bag of dice and a bag of funyuns*

I am ready to roll my character now. Jerks.

[Rachel Grey]

Dances over to the table and belches along to the music.

[Michael P]

*walks into bar*

"Could i have some milk please"

*entire bar looks at me*

"uh milk and whisky and rye I mean of course....."
"And put it in a dirty glass."

[Winslow]

Though you make a note of a hooded man in the corner who appears to be sizing you and your comrades up with curiosity.

Is that one of them there Rangers?

[Valmore]

I pay for the meat and enjoy my meal, glancing surreptitiously at the mysterious stranger every so often.

When Slam comes over and sits down, I tell him that lodgings for the group are on him.

You pay like an honest person and have a delicious meal. Slam, on the other hand, isn't thrilled at the prospect of paying for everyone's lodging.

The stranger notices you glancing at him. It doesn't seem to bother him, it's almost as if he wants you to take an interest in him.

[Valmore]

*walks into bar*

"Could i have some milk please"

*entire bar looks at me*

"uh milk and whisky and rye I mean of course....."

The bartender looks at you with a strange look, and then mixes some milk, whiskey and rye together in a glass and hands it to you.

[Michael P]

*thinks "Is that guy checking me out?"*

[Valmore]

*saunters back in with a bag of dice and a bag of funyuns*

I am ready to roll my character now. Jerks.

The Dungeon Master wonders if Rallura will ever get her character ready.

[Rallura]

The Dungeon Master wonders if Rallura will ever get her character ready.

Rallura wonders if she should go get a soda.

[Valmore]

Rallura wonders is she should go get a soda.

Dungeon Master hands Rallura a nice, cold Fresca.

"So, tell me about your character..."

[Rallura]

Dungeon Master hands Rallura a nice, cold Fresca.

"So, tell me about your character..."

Dwarven fighter, strength 17, dex 14, con 18, intelligence 13, wis 13, charisssssma 11, name Govvar Coppereye. Hrm. Maybe I should reroll though...

[Valmore]

Dwarven fighter, strength 17, dex 14, con 18, intelligence 13, wis 13, charisssssma 11, name Govvar Coppereye. Hrm. Maybe I should reroll though...

Your dwarf enters the taven. :p

DM waits for the inevitable pile of funyuns to be dropped on his head.

[Rallura]

Your dwarf enters the taven. :p

DM waits for the inevitable pile of funyuns to be dropped on his head.

*grumbles*

"A whiskey, barkeep, and hurry it up"

Selects largest funyun and flings it, hitting DM squarely in the nose.

[Valmore]

*grumbles*

"A whiskey, barkeep, and hurry it up"

Selects largest funyun and flings it, hitting DM squarely in the nose.

Dungeon Master gets hit with funyun on the nose, smells the salt.

You receive a shot of whiskey from the barkeep.

[Rallura]

Dungeon Master gets hit with funyun on the nose, smells the salt.

You receive a shot of whiskey from the barkeep.

Rallura smirks at the DM.

*grabs the shot glass an sneers at it*
"What is this? Do I look like I need a baby glass!

[Valmore]

Rallura smirks at the DM.

*grabs the shot glass an sneers at it*
"What is this? Do I look like I need a baby glass!

The bartender hands you the entire bottle, fearing your glare of doom.

Some of the wenches start avoiding you out of fear.

[darkkeeperjr]

*walks over to the barkeep*
"hey stranger,where can one find some adventure at?"

[darkkeeperjr]

*walks over to the barkeep*
"hey stranger,where can one find some adventure at?"


he said:
"coming soon a new rpg that will surpass the being 'played' now"

[Valmore]

*walks over to the barkeep*
"hey stranger,where can one find some adventure at?"

If you hold your horses, a belligerent drawf should wander in at any minute.

[Rachel Grey]

Finds a big, bearded bear of a man and randomly punches him in the balls.

[darkkeeperjr]

If you hold your horses, a belligerent drawf should wander in at any minute.

thank you :D

[Bouncing Boy]

Finds a big, bearded bear of a man and randomly punches him in the balls.
Geeze, I'm glad my character's an elf, because if my character looked anything like me he'd be in tremendous pain right now.

[Michael P]

Finds a big, bearded bear of a man and randomly punches him in the balls.
Curls up in pain and squeaks, "Whyfore you punch me in the nuts?"

[Slam_Bradley]

Returns from a long mental journey to the green Northlands.


"What did I miss?"

[Valmore]

Finds a big, bearded bear of a man and randomly punches him in the balls.

Big bearded man doubles over in pain. His wife gets very upset and calls for a big, burly bouncer, who gets in your face. Roll for initiative.

[ragnarok_2012]

I just look bemused.

"That unicorn was our moral center."

[Rachel Grey]

(w00t! Natural 20! Go go Gadget barfight! :D)