Lorendiac
05-06-2005, 04:57 PM
So I asked myself – If two politically active Americans, a Liberal and a Conservative, each looked at hundreds of issues of comics about Batman, each looking for evidence that Batman was a puppet for the other side, what would they find?
I am making some sweeping assumptions here – chief among them, the assumption that both the Liberal and the Conservative would be capable of distinguishing between “regular continuity” on the one hand, and Elseworlds, movies, television shows, and so forth on the other hand. So you won't see me mentioning anything Batman did in DKR or in the movies or whatever.
I have tried to be fair, by being equally unfair to both sides at once! If that isn't open-minded on my part, then I don't know what is! ;)
10 Reasons Batman Comics are Liberal Propaganda
01. Batman never carries a gun.
02. Batman nonetheless manages to overcome gun-wielding bad guys routinely. This is obviously meant to brainwash us into thinking that real people can reasonably expect to courageously defeat gun-wielding muggers without needing firearms of their own to even the odds. But what else do you expect from a liberal?
03. Batman never has the guts to kill even the worst cases, not even when he could honestly swear under oath that it had been done in the heat of the moment in simple self-defense of himself or of innocent civilians, when a known murderer was brandishing a deadly weapon and was obviously ready to use it again. This makes Batman much, much more of a yellow-bellied bleeding-heart liberal than that nice conservative Superman fellow who did have the guts to appoint himself judge, jury, and executioner, and wipe out the three Phantom Zone criminals after they had committed planetary genocide in an alternate world back around 1988.
04. Batman's parents loved each other dearly, we're told, and yet in eight years or so they only had one child. Practicting birth control like mad were they, so that the single kid wouldn't be too much of a burden on their narcissistic lifestyles? That's liberals for you!
05. Although he has no official standing with the legitimate authorities of Gotham City (not to mention the county, state, and federal governments), Batman is obviously far more intelligent and effective than the trained professionals who are legally authorized to enforce the law. Makes you wonder why we bother giving law enforcement agencies any tax money at all, if private citizens are going to "empower" themselves to do most of the necessary work anyway.
06. Batman routinely breaks the law, all sorts of laws, even invading the White House and robbing the President of the United States on at least one occasion, but his crimes are usually written in such a way that we are supposed to believe we should be gentle and sympathetic with his antisocial behavior because of extenuating circumstances, instead of tossing him inside a maximum-security cell so hard that he bounces off the concrete floor twice, and then leaving him there to rot.
07. On a similar note, Batman is incredibly forgiving of Catwoman’s past sins, without expecting her to actually submit to arrest, throw herself on the mercy of the court, and serve her time behind bars.
08. For years Batman has frequently served as part of one incarnation or another of the Justice League, an organization which is sponsored by the United Nations. Anyone who voluntarily works for the UN instead of the national government of his own homeland is clearly a shameless, unpatriotic, internationalist, bleeding-heart LIBERAL.
09. Batman never manages to settle down with a nice girl, get married, raise kids, you know, all that old-fashioned "family values" stuff – instead, he goes through girlfriends like they were cheeseburgers. He’s probably a big believer in “free love” without feeling guilty about it.
10. Batman has been known to threaten people’s lives, and/or beat them up, in order to get them to spill their guts about anything they know regarding criminal schemes. Clearly he is following the philosophy of that well-known liberal legal scholar, Alan Dershowitz of the Harvard School of Law, who recently wrote a book advocating the legalized torture of suspected terrorists.
10 Reasons Batman Comics are Conservative Propaganda
01. Jason Todd’s mother had performed illegal abortions to make money in the days before Roe v. Wade, gave birth to an illegitimate child, and ended up working in a famine relief camp in Africa. Was it any surprise that she was then revealed to be utterly corrupt?
02. Batman is extremely insensitive, even to his friends, teammates, the women he dates, etc., across the last several years, and seems to glory in it. (“I’m an old-fashioned, macho, alpha male and I’m proud of it! Sensitivity and courtesy are for women and wusses!” is the clear message that he consistently sends with his painfully bad example.)
03. The way the Joker, Two-Face, the Riddler, etc., keep coming back to cause more trouble, time after time, is obviously meant to brainwash us into thinking that they ought to be executed the next time they’re arrested, whether they’re legally sane or not, in order to be on the safe side – it’s the only sure way to prevent even more people from dying. The concept of civilized, nonviolent lifetime imprisonment as a serious alternative is treated as a bad joke – in Batman’s world, a “life sentence” translates to “he'll be off the streets for about six weeks if we’re lucky.”
04. In "A Death in the Family," Batman thought nothing of using a truth serum to pry into Lady Shiva’s personal life ("have you ever had children?"), which was really none of his business.
05. Batman lives in a world so dangerous that it makes the typical reader think, “Gee, considering that I’m not a graduate of any kind of Ninja Training School the way our hero is, maybe I better keep an automatic weapon handy at all times in case a crazed serial killer breaks into my house! This seems to happen to innocent citizens in Gotham about twice a week, every week of the year!”
06. Seems like every man, woman, and child Batman meets either has superpowers or has a gun. But the innocent bystanders whom he rescues never have guns; they depend upon him to save them. Clearly, those innocent bystanders are suffering under the burden of unfair Gun Control Laws. Living proof of the argument “Outlaw guns and only outlaws will have guns!” That’s exactly the situation Bats encounters every night of the week!
07. No Man’s Land – consider the basic premise. The President had placed the Gotham City area off limits and had stationed troops who were authorized to shoot you if you tried to approach the boundary with a humanitarian aid package (food, for instance). This event basically happened in the Bat-titles through the year of 1999 (may have started in late '98?). Since everyone and his brother knows the President of the United States in 1999 was Bill Clinton, it’s obvious that DC was trying to say that Clinton was the sort of vicious maniac who would refuse to authorize federal aid for a big city stricken by a natural disaster, and instead would get his jollies as he proudly gave American servicemen firm orders to shoot unarmed American citizens on sight just because they wanted to peacefully walk in or out of a disaster area whenever they felt like it. Talk about smearing a man’s character in a libelous fashion!
08. Batman gives a lot of his money to charitable works. On the face of it, this seems like good liberal behavior, but the evil here is that he is implicitly supporting the idea that charities need to be privately funded and administered in the civilian sector, as if he doesn’t trust Big Government to bravely assume the full responsibility of spending all the necessary amounts of money on welfare programs in a wise and sensitive fashion. Classic conservative dogma!
09. Batman has been known to invade other countries for various reasons, without getting his passport stamped by customs, without being invited in by local government, without doing one thing or another that an American is supposed to do when he travels abroad. Classic conservative arrogance!
10. Batman has been known to threaten people’s lives, and/or beat them up, in order to get them to spill their guts about anything they know regarding criminal schemes. Clearly he is following the philosophy of that well-known conservative legal scholar, Alberto Gonzales, the new Attorney General, who is credited with writing some legal arguments explaining why a President of the United States has the constitutional right to order prisoners tortured under certain circumstances.
I am making some sweeping assumptions here – chief among them, the assumption that both the Liberal and the Conservative would be capable of distinguishing between “regular continuity” on the one hand, and Elseworlds, movies, television shows, and so forth on the other hand. So you won't see me mentioning anything Batman did in DKR or in the movies or whatever.
I have tried to be fair, by being equally unfair to both sides at once! If that isn't open-minded on my part, then I don't know what is! ;)
10 Reasons Batman Comics are Liberal Propaganda
01. Batman never carries a gun.
02. Batman nonetheless manages to overcome gun-wielding bad guys routinely. This is obviously meant to brainwash us into thinking that real people can reasonably expect to courageously defeat gun-wielding muggers without needing firearms of their own to even the odds. But what else do you expect from a liberal?
03. Batman never has the guts to kill even the worst cases, not even when he could honestly swear under oath that it had been done in the heat of the moment in simple self-defense of himself or of innocent civilians, when a known murderer was brandishing a deadly weapon and was obviously ready to use it again. This makes Batman much, much more of a yellow-bellied bleeding-heart liberal than that nice conservative Superman fellow who did have the guts to appoint himself judge, jury, and executioner, and wipe out the three Phantom Zone criminals after they had committed planetary genocide in an alternate world back around 1988.
04. Batman's parents loved each other dearly, we're told, and yet in eight years or so they only had one child. Practicting birth control like mad were they, so that the single kid wouldn't be too much of a burden on their narcissistic lifestyles? That's liberals for you!
05. Although he has no official standing with the legitimate authorities of Gotham City (not to mention the county, state, and federal governments), Batman is obviously far more intelligent and effective than the trained professionals who are legally authorized to enforce the law. Makes you wonder why we bother giving law enforcement agencies any tax money at all, if private citizens are going to "empower" themselves to do most of the necessary work anyway.
06. Batman routinely breaks the law, all sorts of laws, even invading the White House and robbing the President of the United States on at least one occasion, but his crimes are usually written in such a way that we are supposed to believe we should be gentle and sympathetic with his antisocial behavior because of extenuating circumstances, instead of tossing him inside a maximum-security cell so hard that he bounces off the concrete floor twice, and then leaving him there to rot.
07. On a similar note, Batman is incredibly forgiving of Catwoman’s past sins, without expecting her to actually submit to arrest, throw herself on the mercy of the court, and serve her time behind bars.
08. For years Batman has frequently served as part of one incarnation or another of the Justice League, an organization which is sponsored by the United Nations. Anyone who voluntarily works for the UN instead of the national government of his own homeland is clearly a shameless, unpatriotic, internationalist, bleeding-heart LIBERAL.
09. Batman never manages to settle down with a nice girl, get married, raise kids, you know, all that old-fashioned "family values" stuff – instead, he goes through girlfriends like they were cheeseburgers. He’s probably a big believer in “free love” without feeling guilty about it.
10. Batman has been known to threaten people’s lives, and/or beat them up, in order to get them to spill their guts about anything they know regarding criminal schemes. Clearly he is following the philosophy of that well-known liberal legal scholar, Alan Dershowitz of the Harvard School of Law, who recently wrote a book advocating the legalized torture of suspected terrorists.
10 Reasons Batman Comics are Conservative Propaganda
01. Jason Todd’s mother had performed illegal abortions to make money in the days before Roe v. Wade, gave birth to an illegitimate child, and ended up working in a famine relief camp in Africa. Was it any surprise that she was then revealed to be utterly corrupt?
02. Batman is extremely insensitive, even to his friends, teammates, the women he dates, etc., across the last several years, and seems to glory in it. (“I’m an old-fashioned, macho, alpha male and I’m proud of it! Sensitivity and courtesy are for women and wusses!” is the clear message that he consistently sends with his painfully bad example.)
03. The way the Joker, Two-Face, the Riddler, etc., keep coming back to cause more trouble, time after time, is obviously meant to brainwash us into thinking that they ought to be executed the next time they’re arrested, whether they’re legally sane or not, in order to be on the safe side – it’s the only sure way to prevent even more people from dying. The concept of civilized, nonviolent lifetime imprisonment as a serious alternative is treated as a bad joke – in Batman’s world, a “life sentence” translates to “he'll be off the streets for about six weeks if we’re lucky.”
04. In "A Death in the Family," Batman thought nothing of using a truth serum to pry into Lady Shiva’s personal life ("have you ever had children?"), which was really none of his business.
05. Batman lives in a world so dangerous that it makes the typical reader think, “Gee, considering that I’m not a graduate of any kind of Ninja Training School the way our hero is, maybe I better keep an automatic weapon handy at all times in case a crazed serial killer breaks into my house! This seems to happen to innocent citizens in Gotham about twice a week, every week of the year!”
06. Seems like every man, woman, and child Batman meets either has superpowers or has a gun. But the innocent bystanders whom he rescues never have guns; they depend upon him to save them. Clearly, those innocent bystanders are suffering under the burden of unfair Gun Control Laws. Living proof of the argument “Outlaw guns and only outlaws will have guns!” That’s exactly the situation Bats encounters every night of the week!
07. No Man’s Land – consider the basic premise. The President had placed the Gotham City area off limits and had stationed troops who were authorized to shoot you if you tried to approach the boundary with a humanitarian aid package (food, for instance). This event basically happened in the Bat-titles through the year of 1999 (may have started in late '98?). Since everyone and his brother knows the President of the United States in 1999 was Bill Clinton, it’s obvious that DC was trying to say that Clinton was the sort of vicious maniac who would refuse to authorize federal aid for a big city stricken by a natural disaster, and instead would get his jollies as he proudly gave American servicemen firm orders to shoot unarmed American citizens on sight just because they wanted to peacefully walk in or out of a disaster area whenever they felt like it. Talk about smearing a man’s character in a libelous fashion!
08. Batman gives a lot of his money to charitable works. On the face of it, this seems like good liberal behavior, but the evil here is that he is implicitly supporting the idea that charities need to be privately funded and administered in the civilian sector, as if he doesn’t trust Big Government to bravely assume the full responsibility of spending all the necessary amounts of money on welfare programs in a wise and sensitive fashion. Classic conservative dogma!
09. Batman has been known to invade other countries for various reasons, without getting his passport stamped by customs, without being invited in by local government, without doing one thing or another that an American is supposed to do when he travels abroad. Classic conservative arrogance!
10. Batman has been known to threaten people’s lives, and/or beat them up, in order to get them to spill their guts about anything they know regarding criminal schemes. Clearly he is following the philosophy of that well-known conservative legal scholar, Alberto Gonzales, the new Attorney General, who is credited with writing some legal arguments explaining why a President of the United States has the constitutional right to order prisoners tortured under certain circumstances.