"Special" Injuries

[HomerJay]

Ok, we've already discussed our scars and painful injuries in the past. A la CHASING AMY, let's compare injuries received (or caused to someone else) during...ahem...intimate relations with a willing partner (or even by yourself). Let's try (it'll be tough) to keep things relatively clean too, people!

As for myself, outside of some severe rawness (after my personal sex record of 5 times in one 8 hour period) and deep scratches on my back, I once actually sprained my tongue while "attending to a partner's needs".

[Guts/Batman]

As for myself, outside of some severe rawness (after my personal sex record of 5 times in one 8 hour period) and deep scratches on my back, I once actually sprained my tongue while "attending to a partner's needs".


Hmmmmmmmm...sprained tongue. How would a doctor diagnose that injury?

[JerrBear81]

A blister because my pants were to tight, after some self-loving.

[Dreadstar]

Temporarily dislocated jaw. Don't even ask.

It still hurts sometimes when I yawn...

[JerrBear81]

I forgot to mention, I was once sore for a week due to self-loving and accidentally brushing up against the sharp edg of a blanket...

[ghostrider666]

Well, you know about scratches on your back? Well there was this time when my then girlfriend was wearing a diamond ring that she had gotten from her grandmother. I had a 5" cut across the top of my back & a 1" cut lower on my back. They didnt need stiches, but bled pretty good.

[Solaris]

Internal trauma, resulting in what I was afraid was a tumor, and the doctor initially thought might be a cyst, but turned out to be a large blood clot trapped under the lining tissue. Why? Because the idiot was in such a damned hurry, he didn't bother with lube or to let me get that way naturally. Basically, it's some of the same kind of thing you see in a rape.

Price? Around $350 for the doctor visit and the outpatient surgery, and my physical inconvenience, embarassment, and healing time.

What would have been the Preventative cost: caring enough about your partner to make sure things are okay before diving in.

Okay, buddy: Here's Your Sign.

:mad:

[JeffreyWKramer]

Let's see....

I've had the tongue/jaw strain more than a few times...

One time a lady clamped her thighs around my head so hard she literally dislocated my jaw...

I've had clawmarks on my back, ass and thighs bad enough to leave scratches that were visible for months...

And one time I kissed the sole of juli's very ticklish feet, she reflexively kicked me in the jaw hard enough to knock me out of the saddle and pretty much TKO me. I thus learned to not do that unless she was well-restrained.

[BoosterBronze]

I had the top bunk of a bunkbed collapse do to the shaking, while we were on the bottom bunk. I took the brunt of it, my partner at the time being protected by frame. A falling metal beam knocked me unconcious, and another as the mattress collapse I bruised a rib. The girl i was with was unharmed. (and it was HER bed.)

[Shellhead]

This woman that I used to date was much smaller than me, so when we did it doggystyle, I was approaching from a slightly elevated angle. Once, she enthusiastically pushed back up against me while I was mostly out, backing up for another thrust. That caused a sensitive portion of my anatomy to bend farther than I ever want to see it bend. It didn't hurt much, but it scared me.

[Nitmo]

I've gotten several nosebleeds from when my lady bucked a little too hard whilst I was down there.

Bruised back from falling off the bed, onto something (I can't recall what it was right now).

These are just asides from the usual rawness, tongue/jaw strain, rope burn and scratches most people normally get.

[phoenixrising]

Oh! Fun!

-Internal trauma after re-losing my virginity (or that's how it felt at the time...I know it doesn't really "grow back")

-Severe bruising across my ass. Typically in the rough outline of a hand.

-Black eyes on three occasions from wild elbow action.

-Lockjaw. Luckily, it came about after the fact, not during.

[howyadoin]

Mostly just the usual stuff - scratch marks, chafing, bite marks, carpet burns, wax burns.




And a broken heart a time or two.

[JeffreyWKramer]

wax burns.

Using the wrong sort of wax then. ;)

[howyadoin]

Using the wrong sort of wax then.Oh I know that now...

[JeffreyWKramer]

Oh I know that now...

Maybe Comm needs a pervilicious how-to thread, in order to prevent others from suffering thru such trial-and-error mishaps...

[howyadoin]

Maybe Comm needs a pervilicious how-to thread, in order to prevent others from suffering thru such trial-and-error mishaps...No shit. It's a wonder I don't have scars on my stomach.

[Mike Smash!]

I have a chip on my right front tooth from a badly aimed kiss.

[JeffreyWKramer]

No shit. It's a wonder I don't have scars on my stomach.

Here's hoping it wasn't just the stomach so imperiled!

[howyadoin]

Here's hoping it wasn't just the stomach so imperiled!Well, after the burning sensation on my stomach, that particular little adventure came to a halt pretty quickly. I was always jumpy when she lit a match after that...

[JeffreyWKramer]

I was always jumpy when she lit a match after that...


For good reason! Alrite, sounds like I have my next thread topic.

[Lex]

Okay, this is weird for me. I've only been married for a month and I'm really new to sex.

I was in a goofy mood and thought it would be fun to get a running start and jump into bed right next to Alice. Unfortunately, I was going too fast. I ended up jumping over the bed and over Alice. I landed on the other side of the bed on the hard wood floor. Man, did that hurt! Luckily, Alice knew just the right thing to do to make me forget about my pain. :)

[Spike-X]

One time I nearly broke it.

[BcAugust]

Let's see...

I've never had anything happen to me, but once I had a partner a few years ago who was so black and blue all over his chest after a night of play he had a hard time breathing for three days. Mainly because he was so caught up in what we were doing, he forgot to mention he bruised easily(diabetic) and I didn't know they did so at the time.

[Rebuilt In Error]

With one of my many crazy ex lady friends:

"let's take a trip 'til I treat myself" said she of the overly enthusiastic goth clothing and makeup.

"Okay" said I of the can we do it in public mindset.

Basicaly we went and she got porceline vampire canine teeth caps made.
Much to her joy she found out she could bite things and not break the. Woo Hoo!

So we get home to hers and they are still in her mouth, drunkeness ensues and I get a bit on the amourous side, as does she and much to my suprise so do her new jagged little friends.

Clothes are removed, gods are praised and genitals are free! We get down to it and she moves down, much to my nervous joy she manages to perform her party trick with the ice cubes without severing my little friend from his well maintained furry base.

On we go to the main act...........
As we get really into it she sits on my lap facing me as we get really carried away and she starts making the "I forgive you for killing my kitten and sleeping with my sister" type noises and i get really excited.
Then, as she reaches her back scratching, neighbour frightening crescendo (?) she suddenly throws her head forward and sinks her newly modified gnashers into my chest.
Needles to say i screamed like a baby meeting a doctors hand after being dragged from the warm 'n' wet.

I threw her off and jumped around bleeding and whimpering like a big girls blouse before looking down and seeing the site of 2 almost inch deep holes leaking blood all over the place.

Her reaction...................""don't get blood on the carpet, my dad'll kill me" :confused:

As a little post script to this:

Don't ever clean chest wounds out with cotton buds and never try to explain a vamyric idiot to a doctor!!!!!!

Also - I still had to go home and interfere with myself because I never got to finish!!!!! :mad:

[Michael P]

-Lockjaw. Luckily, it came about after the fact, not during.
Now there's a mental image that'll have my brain whimpering in a corner for the next hour or so.

[Typo Lad]

she starts making the "I forgive you for killing my kitten and sleeping with my sister" type noises

Best...description...ever.

[Typo Lad]

Now there's a mental image that'll have my brain whimpering in a corner for the next hour or so.

it was the handprints that did it for me...

[Michael P]

it was the handprints that did it for me...
That one's actually counterbalancing the other one, preventing me from descending into a Lovecraftian maelstrom of insanity.

[Rebuilt In Error]

Relax kids, try not to think too much about it!!!!!
If it helps I will take a picture of my perforated scrotum and post it on here to cool your jets.

The handprints are a nice image though :)

[Michael P]

perforated scrotum
This would be a great name for a rock band.

[Rebuilt In Error]

And thanks for the approval of my description Morts :)

[Ray R.]

Pool table felt leaves really, really, bad carpet burns. That's all I'm gonna say at this time......

[Guapo Méndez]

As a teen I had a very heavy petting session with my first girlfriend. You know the type...you're still "standing in attention" and will be for an undisclosed amount of time -or when you think about Bea Arthur and Madeline Albright-.

So I left her house. I had to walk 3 blocks to the bus stop -last one of the night- because I didn't have a car. Well, maybe two blocks away from the bus stop, I see the bus stopping and maybe 2 passengers climbing to a very ready to go bus.

I had to run 2 blocks at full tilt -with you know what at full tilt- while wearing very tight jeans. Very, very tight jeans.

Carpet burn has nothing on denim burn.

[Spike-X]

think about Bea Arthur and Madeline Albright

Together?

That's hot.

[JeffreyWKramer]

Together?

That's hot.


I think the correct word there would be "not."

[HomerJay]

I had to run 2 blocks at full tilt -with you know what at full tilt- while wearing very tight jeans. Very, very tight jeans.

I have a similar story but thankfully without any physical pain involved.
I was a freshman in high school and making-out big-time with my girlfriend in the basement while my parents were home upstairs. My GF's mom came to pick her up and I still had a huge hard-on in my shorts so I simply kissed her goodbye without walking upstairs and to the front door. It was no big deal to her so she just left. Well, it WAS a big deal to my Dad, who later chewed me out for not walking her to the door like a proper gentleman.
I of course did NOT explain to him why I chose not to get up and parade upstairs through the living room to the front door sporting a tentpole a la Ron Burgundy.

[howyadoin]

Now there's a mental image that'll have my brain whimpering in a corner for the next hour or so.The thought of people having oral sex makes you whimper?

[Solaris]

Okay, this is weird for me. I've only been married for a month and I'm really new to sex.

I was in a goofy mood and thought it would be fun to get a running start and jump into bed right next to Alice. Unfortunately, I was going too fast. I ended up jumping over the bed and over Alice. I landed on the other side of the bed on the hard wood floor. Man, did that hurt! Luckily, Alice knew just the right thing to do to make me forget about my pain. :)

Thanks for making me laugh! That was great. :D

[Solaris]

With one of my many crazy ex lady friends:

"let's take a trip 'til I treat myself" said she of the overly enthusiastic goth clothing and makeup.

"Okay" said I of the can we do it in public mindset.

Basicaly we went and she got porceline vampire canine teeth caps made.
Much to her joy she found out she could bite things and not break the. Woo Hoo!

So we get home to hers and they are still in her mouth, drunkeness ensues and I get a bit on the amourous side, as does she and much to my suprise so do her new jagged little friends.

Clothes are removed, gods are praised and genitals are free! We get down to it and she moves down, much to my nervous joy she manages to perform her party trick with the ice cubes without severing my little friend from his well maintained furry base.

On we go to the main act...........
As we get really into it she sits on my lap facing me as we get really carried away and she starts making the "I forgive you for killing my kitten and sleeping with my sister" type noises and i get really excited.
Then, as she reaches her back scratching, neighbour frightening crescendo (?) she suddenly throws her head forward and sinks her newly modified gnashers into my chest.
Needles to say i screamed like a baby meeting a doctors hand after being dragged from the warm 'n' wet.

I threw her off and jumped around bleeding and whimpering like a big girls blouse before looking down and seeing the site of 2 almost inch deep holes leaking blood all over the place.

Her reaction...................""don't get blood on the carpet, my dad'll kill me" :confused:

As a little post script to this:

Don't ever clean chest wounds out with cotton buds and never try to explain a vamyric idiot to a doctor!!!!!!

Also - I still had to go home and interfere with myself because I never got to finish!!!!! :mad:


Ow. Just Ow. And Damn. Ow.

I hope you left the psycho b. alone after that! Yeouch.

Vampire teeth can be fun, but the really good ones *are* razor sharp, and you need to take a LOT of CARE with them to avoid injuring your partner. Or biting the shit out of your own lip or tongue. Ouch.

And I've gotta admit: that noise descriptor is worthy of being in someone's novel. That's a good one. :D

[Michael P]

The thought of people having oral sex makes you whimper?
No, the thought of lockjaw kicking in during the act of female-on-male oral makes me whimper.

[howyadoin]

No, the thought of lockjaw kicking in during the act of female-on-male oral makes me whimper.A. It kicked in afterwards.

B. Maybe it was locked open.

[Michael P]

A. It kicked in afterwards.

Yeah, but it still brings up the thought.

B. Maybe it was locked open.
That's not so bad, although I'd probably be dumb enough to laugh at the sight, and consequently never get any again, ever.

[phoenixrising]

A. It kicked in afterwards.

B. Maybe it was locked open.

It was locked open, actually. I had to drink my meals for a coupla days.

And yes, I got made fun of and stopped doing it for a coupla months in retaliation.

[howyadoin]

It was locked open, actually. I had to drink my meals for a coupla days.

And yes, I got made fun of and stopped doing it for a coupla months in retaliation.That would make one hell of a sitcom episode.

[JeffreyWKramer]

That would make one hell of a sitcom episode.

I vote "Will & Grace". That would drive the fundy media watchdogs nuts!