Ever had anyone read your diary/private-journal w/o permission?

[west3man]

If so, what happened?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
In my case, I was in the sixth grade and had a lil diary that didn't lock. I usually put it out-of-sight, but was kinda in a rush and trusted that no one in my household would invade that privacy*. One day, I stayed overnight at a friends or something. After returning, one of my parents sat me down to talk about the freaky shit I'd put in there. I'd been involved in freaky stuff since I was a lil kid and put the more recent stuff in that diary. I was so disgusted by this invasion of my privacy, I don't recall much of what we talked about. I just remember tearing up and burning the pages of that diary.

Obviously, I've never forgotten that and, as much as I love all of my family members, I'll only trust certain ones SO MUCH, as a result.




* ...particularly since I distinctly recall the same parent telling me how uninterested s/he was in reading my diary. This after I'd scooted into a different position so that I could write in it without anyone seeing.

[bfrank]

You have kids?

Is it not a parents job to snoop?

suppose you were a columbine kid, and the discovrey of your diary was made after wome deaths at your highschool...

I'm with Bill C(osby, not clinton) on this one...

[i_mmmchocolate]

Yes, and that's exactly why I keep an online blog. My family has no clue about it. buwahaha!

My mom bought me a diary when I was 13, she encouraged me to write. So, I jotted down a few angry thoughts about my dad and sister. She discovered it one day...apparently, that's not what she had in mind for my diary at all.

Eventually I'll need a blog to write about bloggers.
I kid.

[BoosterBronze]

In college I kept a somewhat crass and disturbingly detailed "Little Black Book" with a rating system, and constant cross refrences between girls.

It wasn't hidden, but it was a nondescript little black book I kept in the little pull-out tray for my computer keyboard. I was out, and my roommates girlfriend read it.

I come back in, and I hear third hand how she was telling my roomate what a sick pig I was. Word about it got around and I was pretty pissed. I had words with ther girlfriend, and we never spoke again.

[howyadoin]

My mom bought me a diary when I was 13, she encouraged me to write. So, I jotted down a few angry thoughts about my dad and sister. She discovered it one day...apparently, that's not what she had in mind for my diary at all.Sounds to me like she had an ulterior motive in buying you the diary.

[Alex]

West had a diary?
Pfft, girl.

[howyadoin]

West had a diary?
Pfft, girl.Hey, Doogie Howser had a diary.

[Wonder Bebs]

I'm the second child in my family. My older brother constantly picked on me growing up... mainly from the stuff he read in my diary. >/ So, yes, I HAVE had my diaries read. Often and repeatedly.

[Nate C.]

West had a diary?
Pfft, girl.

Yeah, when you're a guy, it's called a "journal".

See Samuel Pepyes. (google him, probably spelled wrong)

[Michael P]

You have kids?

Is it not a parents job to snoop?

suppose you were a columbine kid, and the discovrey of your diary was made after wome deaths at your highschool...

I'm with Bill C(osby, not clinton) on this one...So what you're saying is, trust has no place in a relationship between a parent and a child.

[monkeysweat]

So what you're saying is, trust has no place in a relationship between a parent and a child.
Trust has some place. Supervision and effective parenting have a larger place.

[Alex]

Hey, Doogie Howser had a diary.
Yeah?
He was a big nerd too.
"Dear Diary, Today i did a triple bipass and my balls didn't drop. Vinnie is cute"

[StoneGold]

Hey, Doogie Howser had a diary.
And have you seen Doogie lately? A picture is worth 1000 words...

http://archives.newyorkish.net/031003/NeilPatrickHarris2.jpg

[Alex]

And have you seen Doogie lately? A picture is worth 1000 words...

http://archives.newyorkish.net/031003/NeilPatrickHarris2.jpg
...
Is he some kind of gay vampire dancer?

[Fabian]

I never kept a journal but knew a lot of kids growing up who did that got read by other people. Even as a kid I never understood why people kept a journal and didn't want people to read it. I always told them, "Why would you write something that you don't want anyone to read? It's like doing homework for a non-class"

[DarkBlade]

Well, some of us have a rather fucked up memory...

[Grant]

I tried to keep a diary but got bored and just doodled pictures of Batman fighting dinosaurs. Which is a whole lot more interesting then my adolescence.

I also wrote "Zeppelin Rules!" a lot too.

[Fabian]

I tried to keep a diary but got bored and just doodled pictures of Batman fighting dinosaurs. Which is a whole lot more more interesting then my adolescence.
Or you can show it to your grandkids and they'll think you're the coolest grandfather ever

[Grant]

Or you can show it to your grandkids and they'll think you're the coolest grandfather ever

Or the dorkiest.

[Fabian]

Or the dorkiest.
Batman is always cool. Always. Even when he had that silly tv show, people still liked him.

[Grant]

Batman is always cool. Always. Even when he had that silly tv show, people still liked him.

Actually because of the silly tv show people still liked him. Batman was almost canceled before it came out.

[Fabian]

Actually because of the silly tv show people still liked him. Batman was almost canceled before it came out.
But he's still cool. And every superhero comic was almost cancelled back then. Nothing could stop the Bat, not the tv show, not the gay rumors, nothing

[DarlingNikki]

i had a journal and i knew it would be read by my mom, so i would put vile things in it to freak her out. for a minute there, she contemplated taking me to a psychologist. ultimately i did end up seeing one, but it was years later after a traumatic experience. i had stopped writing in my journal by then. frankly, i think had i continued to write in it, i probably wouldn't have had to go see a psychologist in the first place.

[west3man]

Well, some of us have a rather fucked up memory...
Whatcha mean? ...of a diary experience? ...of yours?

[west3man]

West had a diary?
Pfft, girl.
If I'm a girl, you're a democrat.

[howyadoin]

Trust has some place. Supervision and effective parenting have a larger place.So much for teaching by example.

[howyadoin]

I also wrote "Zeppelin Rules!" a lot too.Well, that's true.

[Alex]

If I'm a girl, you're a democrat.
Oh, nice one!
I'll have to write that in your diary.

[west3man]

Oh, nice one!
I'll have to write that in your diary.
I can't think of a board-friendly come-back.

[Fabian]

I can't think of a board-friendly come-back.
Go to Rita's then

[Sam A. Robrin]

One of my least favorite songs ever is that one that begins "I found her diary underneath a tree/ And started reading . . ." It would have been quease-inducing enough just from the plaintive whine in the singer's voice, but then there's the story: He reads the diary, then discovers that the passages he thought were about him were actually about another guy. All I could think about was, if he'd read her diary without permission, what sort of relationship did he really think they had in the first place? And how does a song so morally deficient become such a big hit?

[monkeysweat]

So much for teaching by example.
Example is one of many ways to teach. It's not all-or-nothing. Sometimes example isn't the best way to give a lesson. Sometimes circumstances necessitate a different approach. Parents have an obligation to get in their kids' business when necessary, whether the kids are happy about it or not. That's parenting.

[Deathstroke]

Sorry, but I never kept one. Always thought about doing a "Deathstroke's Journal" when I was in early teens but I'm glad I didn't. Sadly there wouldn't be anything overly interesting to write about.

[DarkBlade]

Whatcha mean? ...of a diary experience? ...of yours?
I have difficulty remembering some things. (Sometimes with reason.) Journaling can help me process, as well as look back and see how I was thinking about something... and clarify details.

Though I've been a lot better about doing that the last few years than I used to be. I'd start journals and then stop, often times because yes, my stuff was being gone through. No, not by Solaris.

[DarkBlade]

Monkeysweat, there's also a time and place for it. Abuse that, and you lose serious amounts of trust.

[howyadoin]

Example is one of many ways to teach. It's not all-or-nothing. Sometimes example isn't the best way to give a lesson. Sometimes circumstances necessitate a different approach. Parents have an obligation to get in their kids' business when necessary, whether the kids are happy about it or not. That's parenting.Betray their trust, and they'll never forget. Is maintaining control really worth damaging your relationship with the kid and making them untrusting and paranoid?

[Grant]

Betray their trust, and they'll never forget. Is maintaining control really worth damaging your relationship with the kid and making them untrusting and paranoid?

My mom had a drug test done on me without me knowing about it. I thought it was just a random check. It's also when the government put the microchip in my head too.

[howyadoin]

My mom had a drug test done on me without me knowing about it. I thought it was just a random check. It's also when the government put the microchip in my head too.No wonder you won't allow yourself to be photographed.

[Spike-X]

When my kids are older, I'd like to think (and perhaps I'm being hopelessly naive here) that I'll know enough about what's going on in their lives and in their heads that I won't need to snoop in their diaries/blogs/whatever.

[Brian Cronin]

My mom had a drug test done on me without me knowing about it. I thought it was just a random check. It's also when the government put the microchip in my head too.

Dude, that's awesomely messed up.

-Brian

[Grant]

No wonder you won't allow yourself to be photographed.

Well the camera does steal your soul.

[west3man]

I can understand that if your child seems to be in some serious trouble, you'd take serious measures to help or protect the child. But that's why they're called "serious" or "extreme" measures... They're only meant to be taken in serious or extreme circumstances.

[Alex]

I can't think of a board-friendly come-back.
Proof that my shot worked.
I must write how pleased i am on my not at all like a diary blog.

[monkeysweat]

Monkeysweat, there's also a time and place for it. Abuse that, and you lose serious amounts of trust.
That's why I said get in their business "when necessary". I'm not talking about being nosy and intrusive. I'm talking about supervision. Parents need to know what their kids are up to. Sometimes that makes kids unhappy. So what?

I agree, just like any other power, it can be abused. I really don't think it's an extreme measure at all, though.

[west3man]

That's why I said get in their business "when necessary". I'm not talking about being nosy and intrusive. I'm talking about supervision. Parents need to know what their kids are up to. Sometimes that makes kids unhappy. So what?

I agree, just like any other power, it can be abused. I really don't think it's an extreme measure at all, though.
Argh. I can't seem to phrase this effectively.

I kinda see what you mean and I think you kinda see what some of us mean. I also agree that there are far more extreme measures, but this one... grr... A diary, specifically, is known to be a private thing. It's private on a different level than someone's room being private. Mom may come in the room for one reason or another. Rifling through stuff is a little more extreme. Looking through something that is almost by definition, "for your eyes only" seems to be even more extreme, to me.

Grr. I don't even know what I'm asking. *rassum frassum growlin' belly*

I guess I just would like you thoughts about or reaction to that.

[monkeysweat]

Argh. I can't seem to phrase this effectively.

I kinda see what you mean and I think you kinda see what some of us mean. I also agree that there are far more extreme measures, but this one... grr... A diary, specifically, is known to be a private thing. It's private on a different level than someone's room being private. Mom may come in the room for one reason or another. Rifling through stuff is a little more extreme. Looking through something that is almost by definition, "for your eyes only" seems to be even more extreme, to me.

Grr. I don't even know what I'm asking. *rassum frassum growlin' belly*

I guess I just would like you thoughts about or reaction to that.
To me, it depends on why they're rifling. Are they just being disrespectfully intrusive? Or do they have suspicions that can't be cleared up by simply talking to you? By your own admission, you were up to some freaky shit. And you were a little kid. That's something adults need to know.

I honestly don't think a ten year old should be afforded the same degree of privacy as you and I. The adult-child relationship is different to the adult-adult relationship. If you're a kid your rights are abridged. Until you know better, it's for your own good.

And when I say "kid", I'm talking teenagers too.

A parent's job isn't just to drop you on earth, feed you and let you loose. They're supposed to mold you into a respectable, respectful, well-adjusted individual. Molding requires pressure. Sometimes heat. It's not always pleasant in the short term. Feelings get hurt. There were many days as a kid when I hated my parents. Sometimes they were intrusive. But now from the objective distance of adulthood, I appreciate the hell out of them. They had a job to do. They weren't perfect at it, but I'm glad they gave a damn.

[west3man]

To me, it depends on why they're rifling. Are they just being disrespectfully intrusive? Or do they have suspicions that can't be cleared up by simply talking to you? By your own admission, you were up to some freaky shit. And you were a little kid. That's something adults need to know.

I honestly don't think a ten year old should be afforded the same degree of privacy as you and I. The adult-child relationship is different to the adult-adult relationship. If you're a kid your rights are abridged. Until you know better, it's for your own good.

And when I say "kid", I'm talking teenagers too.

A parent's job isn't just to drop you on earth, feed you and let you loose. They're supposed to mold you into a respectable, respectful, well-adjusted individual. Molding requires pressure. Sometimes heat. It's not always pleasant in the short term. Feelings get hurt. There were many days as a kid when I hated my parents. Sometimes they were intrusive. But now from the objective distance of adulthood, I appreciate the hell out of them. They had a job to do. They weren't perfect at it, but I'm glad they gave a damn.

I was thirteen, sexually interested, and "armed" with condoms supplied by my parents. There was no need to read my diary to figure out that I might actually USE the condoms they GAVE me. (not yelling. just emphasis)

All they had to do was ask. The fact that there was no impending danger and that they never bothered to ask me makes this situation an example of an unfair and unnecessary invasion of my 13-year-old privacy.

(It's so much easier to form a clear sentence when you've had something to eat.)

[Ayo]

Over the years, I've kept some kind of journal...only briefly and on rare occasion.

I almost never wrote anything private or personal in them. I mean, someone might read it!



I really wish I had kept a journal in college. I can only remember some visual impressions of my years there, and my first year is heavily photographed. But I wish I wrote down the details (although I'm also glad I didn't, because it would have been endless sobbing about any of a dozen hopeless girls). But it would have been great to remember some things.

[monkeysweat]

I was thirteen, sexually interested, and "armed" with condoms supplied by my parents. There was no need to read my diary to figure out that I might actually USE the condoms they GAVE me. (not yelling. just emphasis)

All they had to do was ask. The fact that there was no impending danger and that they never bothered to ask me makes this situation an example of an unfair and unnecessary invasion of my 13-year-old privacy.

(It's so much easier to form a clear sentence when you've had something to eat.)
OK. I thought you were younger. That changes things a little. If your relationship was such that you would have spoken openly about what you were doing, then I think that's how they should have approached it. They certainly may have skipped a few steps.

I still don't see it as a major violation, though. Because a thirteen year old awash in fresh hormones and armed with condoms and a boner is in potential danger. Sex makes people do stupid things. And when you multiply that with the natural stupidity that comes with being thirteen, I'd say that was cause for extra vigilance.

I'm not picking on you, by the way. Hope it doesn't seem like that. I was just using your example. And I wasn't there, so all of this is just uninformed opinion.

[west3man]

Something about Ayo's post reminded me. When I was in the fourth grade or so, I wrote up some details of my life, up til then, in some yellow, lined paper. I talked about relationship stuff - who liked whom, breaking up, how I felt about this and that... whatever. So, it was kinda like a compressed little diary.

Years later, I stumbled across those pages and read them. It was so WILD reading my 'inner-most thoughts' from when I was ten or eleven years old. I even had General Hospital references in there (I used to watch the show when I was too young to tell time. I knew after the soap operas went off, cartoons came on. As a result, I ended up knowing waaay too much about Ryan's Hope, One Life to Live, General Hospital, and The Edge of Night.) I compared the "love triangle" in my life to the one on General Hospital at the time (Luke, Laura, and I don't remember who else... Not Scorpio... Hmm).

Anyway, tangent aside, I wanted to mention how a diary or any writing samples from childhood can be like windows into your mind and heart from way-back-when. It's an irreplaceable gift.

[west3man]

OK. I thought you were younger. That changes things a little. If your relationship was such that you would have spoken openly about what you were doing, then I think that's how they should have approached it. They certainly may have skipped a few steps.

I still don't see it as a major violation, though. Because a thirteen year old awash in fresh hormones and armed with condoms and a boner is in potential danger. Sex makes people do stupid things. And when you multiply that with the natural stupidity that comes with being thirteen, I'd say that was cause for extra vigilance.

I'm not picking on you, by the way. Hope it doesn't seem like that. I was just using your example. And I wasn't there, so all of this is just uninformed opinion.
Ha!

Nah, I'm not offended. In fact, I just laughed-out-REAL-loud at "Because a thirteen year old awash in fresh hormones and armed with condoms and a boner is in potential danger. "

Too funny.

[monkeysweat]

I just laughed-out-REAL-loud at "Because a thirteen year old awash in fresh hormones and armed with condoms and a boner is in potential danger. "
Yo, I remember thirteen. Sleeping with extra pillows. Trying to feel on geriatric art teachers. I know what's up.

[Reptisaurus!]

Honestly, I'd think it's a judgement call.

I'd prefer to respect my kid's privacy, whatever their age is.

However... If I thought that there was something really wrong, like suicidal thoughts, overuse of drugs and alcohol, joining a Zimbabwean Death Cult,

And my kid wasn't gonna come to me...

Then, yeah. I'd use whatever resources are at my disposal to try to find out what's goin' on.

Or maybe I just want to see the cool pictures of Batman fighting Dinosaurs.

[cactusmaac]

I used to keep journals off and on but quit since my brother would inevitably blab to my parents that I'd written, "Today I had to go visit my fucking aunt's place. Only got to play a half hour of Nintendo. Fucking relatives!"

Still it was interesting to read the one I kept when I was eight particularly the days regarding when my youngest brother was born.

Brought back the memories.

[cosmic cat]

I was always the one who read the rest of my family members diary's. Including my parents.

not because I wasn't to use it against them..I guess I was just a curious person. Mine's been read once or twice in retaliation, but I rarely write anything interesting in it, and while I dont run around screaming at everyone to read it, I try not to care too much if something gets read. Depending on how personal it is.

[bfrank]

So what you're saying is, trust has no place in a relationship between a parent and a child.

if I were saying that I would have said "trust has no place in a relationship between a parent and a child"...

[bfrank]

So much for teaching by example.
I sure the columbine kids partents thought that they were teaching by example...

[bfrank]

Betray their trust, and they'll never forget. Is maintaining control really worth damaging your relationship with the kid and making them untrusting and paranoid?

If it leads to stopping another school shooting, saves a kid from an abusive relationship, stops drug use, etc, etc. yes...

[west3man]

If it leads to stopping another school shooting, saves a kid from an abusive relationship, stops drug use, etc, etc. yes...
Well, there's "maintaining control" and there's probable cause that they're a danger to themselves or others.

[bfrank]

That's why I said get in their business "when necessary". I'm not talking about being nosy and intrusive. I'm talking about supervision. Parents need to know what their kids are up to. Sometimes that makes kids unhappy. So what?

I agree, just like any other power, it can be abused. I really don't think it's an extreme measure at all, though.


give this man a gold star

[howyadoin]

If it leads to stopping another school shooting, saves a kid from an abusive relationship, stops drug use, etc, etc. yes...You don't think that feeding a kid's paranoia would make him more likely to shoot up a school?

[bfrank]

Well, there's "maintaining control" and there's probable cause that they're a danger to themselves or others.

the probable cause is what leads to maintaining control...and when the little ones have little ones they will get it...

[west3man]

the probable cause is what leads to maintaining control...and when the little ones have little ones they will get it...
Where would you draw the line, then, if anywhere?

[bfrank]

You don't think that feeding a kid's paranoia would make him more likely to shoot up a school?


I don't agree that doing everything possible to get your child help is feeding a kid's paranoia...

and you make that the rule from jump: You have as much privecy as I allow in my home...It is my job to protect them from society, and if need be society from them..

[bfrank]

Where would you draw the line, then, if anywhere?

see my last response...this rule was estbalished from the time I knew how to talk.....

[west3man]

see my last response...this rule was estbalished from the time I knew how to talk.....
That just says "as much as I allow." It doesn't say what you'll allow. From what you've said, it seems that you won't allow for ANY... at least when it comes to anything they don't want you to read.

That's why I'm asking. What would it take for you to invade that kid's privacy?

[bfrank]

That just says "as much as I allow." It doesn't say what you'll allow. From what you've said, it seems that you won't allow for ANY... at least when it comes to anything they don't want you to read.

That's why I'm asking. What would it take for you to invade that kid's privacy?


Right, as much as I allow. Now if my children are giving me signs that they are a bit crazed you had better believe that I will "invade" (which, as I stated is pretty impossible for a parent who is doing the job to do) their "privacy"....

It also depends on the child, what works for one, will not work for the other...

there was a bunch of shit that my moms did when I was younger that pissed me off, including reading my shit, but, in hindsight, I gave her more than valid reasons to be concerned...

[Paradox]

If you write down your thoughts, ASSUME someone is eventually going to read it, because the likelihood is very, very high.

One of my ex's wishes SHE hadn't written stuff down...

[tempestuousepulchre]

It's really terrible to be sitting downstairs watching tv and have your little sister come up to you with a triumphant smile on her face which signifies that you're in trouble. I know the feeling.