The Dosadi Experiment
03-13-2005, 04:57 AM
The sky had been painted dark grey. The heavy clouds showed no optimistic silver lining, they had gathered in absolute silence and without a word they had decided to reveal nothing of the otherwise serene blue sky.
His mind turned inside, searching his memories for familiar scenes, having this moment merge with countless of stored images of grey skies past. In less than a second the moment had become meaningless, part of an impersonal collection of other irrelevant details.
He felt insignificant, the world around him was still moving towards a destination he couldn’t grasp, and he had no real desire in finding out more. With a sad understanding he accepted his desolate position in the world.
Surrounded by people, by friends, family, pets, buildings, artefacts, music, videos, and a billion other things, he still felt hopelessly alone. He knew he wasn’t the only one who felt alone and distant, those around him probably felt the same way, or perhaps they felt it once, but somehow overcame the problem, freeing themselves from the strange empty feelings he felt today. His mind spoke softly to him, and assured him that there were also those who had yet to discover the horrible truth he had discovered. He was more than them, he was smarter than them, because he was unhappy.
He remained silent as he crossed the street and made his way through the crowd.
He avoided contact, he tried not to look into someone’s eyes, tried hard not to touch or brush another human being, and moved as if time only lasted so long.
He still tried to be casual, of course, to walk with a certain rhythm, to move fluidly, avoiding the clothed obstacles of flesh, blood, and bones. He smiled, confident, but not too confident, the idea of being more than the world around him permeated through and tainted his smile. It wasn’t confident, nor casual, the weak friendliness had been washed away and replaced by arrogance.
He couldn’t help but to look at others, his eyes danced across the crowd, searching for unfamiliar faces. His mind judged the people around him, questioned them, wondering who had discovered what he had discovered, and who would still be blissfully unaware of the cruelty of their solitude.
The pretty faces accompanied by other pretty faces were the ones most likely to still be clueless. He knew that these were the ones who would remain in the dark longest of all, they were reluctant to ever admit the truth to themselves, they lead the truly meaningless lives. They faked happiness, a thought crossed his mind and he became aware that they were most likely to believe in the lie they told themselves. Blissfully unaware that they could have pierced the surface if only they didn’t deny its very existence by being engulfed in their own delusions of joy.
They didn’t concern themselves with these matters, he knew it just by looking at them for less than a second, his mind had pierced theirs in those lost uncountable non-seconds, and he knew that he knew them better than they did themselves. They were hollow, shallow little people whom the end of the world would certainly sweep away with the greatest ease and pleasure. Less than pawns, far less than him. They filled only space, they didn’t think, they went through the motions of life, like sophisticated puppets with a vague echo of a mind.
He shook his head, without anyone seeing it. His smile had broadened, but the arrogance was now coupled with visible traces of disgust for his fellow human beings.
These were the days he felt less than human, and infinitely more sophisticated and better than most of them. He knew all the secrets of the mind, he knew the hidden wonders of the world, he knew that all wonders are abominations.
As the grey clouds grew darker, he increased his pace, making sure that whatever would fall from the sky, wouldn’t fall on him, wouldn’t touch him, wouldn’t contaminate him. So many of the mindless freaks followed his lead, making haste, increasing their speed, looking for refuge, looking to escape from whatever it was to would come down.
And he noticed that even the ones with pretty faces fled.
His mind turned inside, searching his memories for familiar scenes, having this moment merge with countless of stored images of grey skies past. In less than a second the moment had become meaningless, part of an impersonal collection of other irrelevant details.
He felt insignificant, the world around him was still moving towards a destination he couldn’t grasp, and he had no real desire in finding out more. With a sad understanding he accepted his desolate position in the world.
Surrounded by people, by friends, family, pets, buildings, artefacts, music, videos, and a billion other things, he still felt hopelessly alone. He knew he wasn’t the only one who felt alone and distant, those around him probably felt the same way, or perhaps they felt it once, but somehow overcame the problem, freeing themselves from the strange empty feelings he felt today. His mind spoke softly to him, and assured him that there were also those who had yet to discover the horrible truth he had discovered. He was more than them, he was smarter than them, because he was unhappy.
He remained silent as he crossed the street and made his way through the crowd.
He avoided contact, he tried not to look into someone’s eyes, tried hard not to touch or brush another human being, and moved as if time only lasted so long.
He still tried to be casual, of course, to walk with a certain rhythm, to move fluidly, avoiding the clothed obstacles of flesh, blood, and bones. He smiled, confident, but not too confident, the idea of being more than the world around him permeated through and tainted his smile. It wasn’t confident, nor casual, the weak friendliness had been washed away and replaced by arrogance.
He couldn’t help but to look at others, his eyes danced across the crowd, searching for unfamiliar faces. His mind judged the people around him, questioned them, wondering who had discovered what he had discovered, and who would still be blissfully unaware of the cruelty of their solitude.
The pretty faces accompanied by other pretty faces were the ones most likely to still be clueless. He knew that these were the ones who would remain in the dark longest of all, they were reluctant to ever admit the truth to themselves, they lead the truly meaningless lives. They faked happiness, a thought crossed his mind and he became aware that they were most likely to believe in the lie they told themselves. Blissfully unaware that they could have pierced the surface if only they didn’t deny its very existence by being engulfed in their own delusions of joy.
They didn’t concern themselves with these matters, he knew it just by looking at them for less than a second, his mind had pierced theirs in those lost uncountable non-seconds, and he knew that he knew them better than they did themselves. They were hollow, shallow little people whom the end of the world would certainly sweep away with the greatest ease and pleasure. Less than pawns, far less than him. They filled only space, they didn’t think, they went through the motions of life, like sophisticated puppets with a vague echo of a mind.
He shook his head, without anyone seeing it. His smile had broadened, but the arrogance was now coupled with visible traces of disgust for his fellow human beings.
These were the days he felt less than human, and infinitely more sophisticated and better than most of them. He knew all the secrets of the mind, he knew the hidden wonders of the world, he knew that all wonders are abominations.
As the grey clouds grew darker, he increased his pace, making sure that whatever would fall from the sky, wouldn’t fall on him, wouldn’t touch him, wouldn’t contaminate him. So many of the mindless freaks followed his lead, making haste, increasing their speed, looking for refuge, looking to escape from whatever it was to would come down.
And he noticed that even the ones with pretty faces fled.