They watch their own movie, X-Men First Class

[The Master Meglomaniac]

What would happen if the comic book character featured in the X-Men first Class movie, sat down and watched their own movie?

[Aubergine~!]

Darwin: "Wait, why am I played by a black guy? I'm half black, but I don't actually look anything like that gu- oh I died. Ah. That explains it. F*cking Hollywood."

----

Magneto: "Charles..."

Professor X: "Yes, Erik?"

Magneto: "Is it just me, or is there a lot of... homoerotic tension between our characters in this movie."

Professor X: "No, no it's definitely there."

Magneto: "..."

Professor X: "... well, this is awkward."

Magneto: "Yeah..."

Professor X: "..."

Magneto: "Wanna go make out?"

Professor X: "Oh god yes."

Magneto: "Let's do it in Scott's bed."

[Powerboy]

What would happen if the comic book character featured in the X-Men first Class movie, sat down and watched their own movie?

Xavier: This guy playing me is okay but I'll like him better when he frows up to be Patrick Stewart.

Magneto: Is it just me or did they cast this guy to project a Sean Connery James Bond feeling into the character? Are they saying the Magnificent Magneto isn't interesting enough?

Mystique: So I follow Magneto around and just because he said I waqs hot-looking? Good actress. Too bad the character isn't me.

Alex Summers: So I'm my brother's father? That is just- weird.

[Oggy]

Cyclops: So not only do I get relegated to a bit part in the last two X-men movies...dieing off screen in Last Stand mind you, but my younger brother is actually portrayed as being considerably older than me? And God damn, does Wolverine have to be in every movie? :mad:

Wolverine: Suck it Cyke

Alex: That's right bro, suck it...heh, who's the franchise golden boy now?

Wolverine: Technically that's still me bub.

Alex: W-well after that

Wolverine: Well, Banshee had more screen time than you, and portrayed by a younger actor, so he had the "aww" factor going, then Mystique's origin added more depth to her character and allowed for a deeper understanding of her internal conflicts...

Magneto: Deeper...yes, I know all about that...

Wolverine: Oh GOD, would you just leave!

Alex: I don't think I needed to be reminded of what he just implied...:frown:

Wolverine: No one ever does bub...but anyway you, like your brother, was relegated to a bit part, behind Charles, Magneto, Mystique, Beast, Banshee, Shaw...your story resolution was...well, useless...

Alex: I-I suddenly know what its like to be my brother...

Cyclops: Sucks doesn't it?

Alex: I feel--dead inside...

Cyclops: I know, but at least your character didn't die in this movie...5 MINUTES IN! :evilangry:

Alex: Yeah, and at least Darwin was given the respect of an on-screen death.

Cyclops: Oh F*CK YOU!

[Powerboy]

Cyclops: So not only do I get relegated to a bit part in the last two X-men movies...dieing off screen in Last Stand mind you, but my younger brother is actually portrayed as being considerably older than me?


Yup like probably thirty+ years older as in, "I am your father, Alex." :biggrin:

[Fast]

Emma Frost: All of these great performances in this movie and the one playing me is by far the worst. Damn

[GrampaGen]

Darwin: "Wait, why am I played by a black guy? I'm half black, but I don't actually look anything like that gu- oh I died. Ah. That explains it. F*cking Hollywood."


Darwin: Okay, no, wait, they've established my schtick as 'Adapt to Survive'. I mean, I've come back from worse, so I'm sure I'll be back anytime now...

*Mutants' training montage passes, no Darwin*

Darwin: ...alright, well, pacing, you know? This is all baby steps, which means they're obviously saving the best for later, no problem.

*X-Men gather in the hangar in preparation for leaving for the mission. Figure steps out of the shadows...revealing Beast*

Darwin: ...oh yeah! I got it! Adapt to survive! Where would the emotional tension be if they're all geared up for the mission and I'm already immune to Shaw's powers? Chekov's gun, heh heh, any second now...

*Final battle ensues, Havok's in trouble*

Darwin: AND DARWIN TO THE RESCUE!

*saved by Banshee, both are attacked by Angel*

Darwin: OUT FROM THE OCEAN LIKE NAMOR!

*later, Magneto attacks Shaw to no avail*

Darwin: Yes, yes, here comes the payoff! Alright you Nazi bastard, you're gonna get it now! ADAPT! TO! SURVIVE!

*Coin through the head...movie ends*

Darwin: ...F*cking Hollywood...

[Powerboy]

Darwin: Okay, no, wait, they've established my schtick as 'Adapt to Survive'. I mean, I've come back from worse, so I'm sure I'll be back anytime now...

*Mutants' training montage passes, no Darwin*

Darwin: ...alright, well, pacing, you know? This is all baby steps, which means they're obviously saving the best for later, no problem.

*X-Men gather in the hangar in preparation for leaving for the mission. Figure steps out of the shadows...revealing Beast*

Darwin: ...oh yeah! I got it! Adapt to survive! Where would the emotional tension be if they're all geared up for the mission and I'm already immune to Shaw's powers? Chekov's gun, heh heh, any second now...

*Final battle ensues, Havok's in trouble*

Darwin: AND DARWIN TO THE RESCUE!

*saved by Banshee, both are attacked by Angel*

Darwin: OUT FROM THE OCEAN LIKE NAMOR!

*later, Magneto attacks Shaw to no avail*

Darwin: Yes, yes, here comes the payoff! Alright you Nazi bastard, you're gonna get it now! ADAPT! TO! SURVIVE!

*Coin through the head...movie ends*

Darwin: ...F*cking Hollywood...

Yeah I know.

Darwin: "So, let's see.

Black guy first to get killed off. Check.

White male telepath who could make everybody else his beyotch if he wanted to running the good guys team. Check.

White female telepath who could make everybody else her beyotch and probably does want to NOT running the other team but working for a guy who uses her as nothing but a sex toy, a secretary and a waitress to serve his coffee and that's before he gets the plot device helmet made by the Russians who don't even think there are any mutants but somehow can make a helmet that is completely immune to telepathy. So she could be making the rest of her team do the hokey-pokey for laughs if she wanted to but she's a glorified stewardess. Check.

At the end, all of the female members of the team are shown to have weak personalities and easily give in, going over to the villain side. This leaves the tried and true real first X-Men being the all-white male mutants. Check.

Yup. Par for the course."