Steve Austin defends Helm's Deep

[Gordon Smith]

The Six Million Dollar Man (TV version) is swapped out for Aragorn and finds himself knee-deep in orcs at the battle of Helm's Deep (book-canon). He gets Aragorn's standard equipment. How goes the battle?

[Sharpandpointies]

Marginally better due to him being fully capable of hurling armored orcs from the ramparts like iron-clad, flailing missiles. Completely with the screaming artillery shell sound effect.

Quite a bit worse for not having Aragorn's ability to inspire and command. Also, I don't really see Austin as having Aragorn's battlefield savvy and melee skill, despite his enhanced speed and strength.

I'd say all around worse. :(

[Beadle]

Probably not well. Does Steve Austin have any sword-wielding feats? Horse-riding feats?

And if he gets hurt, Middle Earth DOESN'T have the technology to rebuild him.

[fopums]

I clearly had the wrong steve austin in mind when I read the thread title.

[Beadle]

I clearly had the wrong steve austin in mind when I read the thread title.
Yeah, ditto.

[Gordon Smith]

Marginally better due to him being fully capable of hurling armored orcs from the ramparts like iron-clad, flailing missiles. Completely with the screaming artillery shell sound effect.

Quite a bit worse for not having Aragorn's ability to inspire and command. Also, I don't really see Austin as having Aragorn's battlefield savvy and melee skill, despite his enhanced speed and strength.

I'd say all around worse. :(

You think Hem's Deep would fall before the relief force arrives?

[Deuseven]

Stone Cold would wreck lurtz's shit. Thas all I know.

[Gordon Smith]

Does Steve Austin have any sword-wielding feats? Horse-riding feats?



I can't recall any sword-wielding feats from Austin. He can ride, though. I recall him and Jaime going on horseback rides when they were dating.

[The MunchKING]

The Six Million Dollar Man (TV version) is swapped out for Aragorn and finds himself knee-deep in orcs at the battle of Helm's Deep (book-canon). He gets Aragorn's standard equipment. How goes the battle?

Those orcs are going to get Stunnered right off of Helm's Deep.

[Captain Smith]

Eventually gets one in the non cyborg eyeball and bye bye.

[Shellhead]

I clearly had the wrong steve austin in mind when I read the thread title.

My fail was worse. My initial reaction was, "How could Stone Cold possibly defend that scene? The half hour buildup was tedious, and then the battle itself went on at for at least 10 minutes too long, which is an eternity for a movie-goer. It was the low point of the trilogy."

[Deuseven]

My fail was worse. My initial reaction was, "How could Stone Cold possibly defend that scene? The half hour buildup was tedious, and then the battle itself went on at for at least 10 minutes too long, which is an eternity for a movie-goer. It was the low point of the trilogy."

Spectacular.

The fail is strong in you.

[Oggy]

It becomes EPIC when Steve jumps from the wall of Helm's Deep in slow motion sound effect laden excellence and speed blitzes the orc army in slow motion camera footage. :biggrin:

[JCAll]

Marginally better due to him being fully capable of hurling armored orcs from the ramparts like iron-clad, flailing missiles. Completely with the screaming artillery shell sound effect.

Quite a bit worse for not having Aragorn's ability to inspire and command. Also, I don't really see Austin as having Aragorn's battlefield savvy and melee skill, despite his enhanced speed and strength.

I'd say all around worse. :(

I dunno, seeing a guy beat the crap out of an orc using another orc would be pretty damn inspiring.

[Powerboy]

Probably not well. Does Steve Austin have any sword-wielding feats? Horse-riding feats?

And if he gets hurt, Middle Earth DOESN'T have the technology to rebuild him.

He doesn't need a sword. He has a bionic arm.

He doesn't need a horse. He can run faster and jump higher.

He doesn't need to worry about getting hurt. That's when he switches sides and joins Saruman for his forging tech.

[Powerboy]

The Six Million Dollar Man (TV version) is swapped out for Aragorn and finds himself knee-deep in orcs at the battle of Helm's Deep (book-canon). He gets Aragorn's standard equipment. How goes the battle?

It is gonna be awesome seeing him using pillows as weapons, throwing them
so hard he's knocking out orcs with them.

Personally, I want to see Jaime Sommers there and see everyone's reaction when she starts stomping orcs.

Or if he calls in his pal, Bigfoot, on the side of the Fellowship.

[Powerboy]

I clearly had the wrong steve austin in mind when I read the thread title.

That's fuuny because I saw an interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin where he said he was not initially happy with using that name because the Six Million Dollar Man was his favorite show as a kid and to him, Steve Austin was Lt. Colonel Steve Austin, the bionic man.

Now you can get the in-joke when Tazz used to call Stone Cold "The Bionic Hillbilly" and that the whole Steve Austin name, especially back when he was "The Ringmaster" Steve Austin, was meant to denote that he was cold, calculating and methodical- as if he was part machine.

[Deuseven]

That's fuuny because I saw an interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin where he said he was not initially happy with using that name because the Six Million Dollar Man was his favorite show as a kid and to him, Steve Austin was Lt. Colonel Steve Austin, the bionic man.

Now you can get the in-joke when Tazz used to call Stone Cold "The Bionic Hillbilly" and that the whole Steve Austin name, especially back when he was "The Ringmaster" Steve Austin, was meant to denote that he was cold, calculating and methodical- as if he was part machine.

The point that Steve was obviously trying to make and that you may be missing, it that drinking beer, beating ass, growing a gut while hunting deer and chewing tobacco makes you a super human ass whooping machine. Capable of killing satan and bringing down corporate regimes.

Six million ain't got shit on righteous devil killing.