Seperate bank accounts or one bank account in marriages

[Mark_Parnell]

I have been happily married for 10 years and I swear in large part it is due to the fact that my wife and I share the same bank account. Of my friends and family that have seperated or divorced 90 per cent of the marital break downs was over money and in all cases there were seperate accounts. I hear of relationships in which the wife is given an allowance or where both couples split the bills. Am I alone in sharing an account?? What say the rest of you??

[LewMoxinsghost]

Sometimes it's best to treat the family finances the way you do a business. Whoever makes the most money has controlling stakes of a central shared account. Whenever a purchase is made over a certain amount of money (say $100), or a series of smaller purchases which add up to a significant amount (again, say $100) in a short time, the person making the payment tips the other off. "I'm buying a Batmobile replica signed by Adam West and Burt Ward for $105, ok honey?" To which your spouse replies "but we need baby formula!!" And thus, the crisis is averted and your kid doesn't go hungry.

Individual accounts are fine, but they should be treated as specific accounts with a specialized focus- ie, college fund, hobby-you-hope-turns-into-business-some-day, etc. That way, it's understood where the money goes in advance.

Another thing that is really great to do is have a monthly or quarterly cash flow review. That way each party understands where money is coming from, and where it is going. This can tell you if the big picture family finances are rising or falling, and can help identify trends which can be either encouraged or rejected.

Then, after you do all of this, you fight about money anyway.

[DavidAllred]

I have been happily married for 10 years and I swear in large part it is due to the fact that my wife and I share the same bank account. Of my friends and family that have seperated or divorced 90 per cent of the marital break downs was over money and in all cases there were seperate accounts. I hear of relationships in which the wife is given an allowance or where both couples split the bills. Am I alone in sharing an account?? What say the rest of you??

I think sharing is the way to go. I know couples that don't, and I guess whatever works for them is cool, but I can't imagine keeping a whole section of my life walled up from my partner. When we first got married we had student loans and credit card debt wracked up from college. Both of us had car loans too. We just picked a debt and started working together on it until they were all paid off. I don't think we could have accomplished that if we were living divided financial lives.

Plus my wife makes lots more than me, so I want her to share dang it!!! :eek:

[spair]

In my household three accounts work best. One for me..one for you..and one for us 50/50, which consists of household bills and savings. I do what I want with my money ..you do what you want with yours.. as long as the rent and bills are paid, food is on the table life is good..and no one needs to know I just came back from back from Bulletproof and spent $70 on tpb's...two weeks in a row...and I don't need to know anyone bought a pair of white short pants for $50 bucks. It works out pretty good..

[Lester C.]

A few years ago now I saw a grown age man crying and having a nervous breakdown because his wife emptied their savings and checking account. After that I told myself that if I ever get married I'm not co-mingling my funds.

[snarkbunny]

Totally depends on the people and the relationships - I known couples who have been successful with separate accounts, joint accounts or a mix of joint and separate and I known couples of who have completely f@#$@#$# it up financially with all those scenarios too.

I think the best bet is for people to sit down and honestly discuss how they manage money and devise a plan that works for them.

[Gaelforce]

Been married for over 24 years.

Had a shared bank account for 26 years.

We're both very happy :)

[Nevets F]

We first shared an account, and it went perfectly fine for 3 or 4 years. Then we decided to close that account and change banks. I wasn't able to go the same day, so he got an account and I went and got one later. That was about 3 years ago. For us at least, life is the same with separate accounts as it was with a shared account.

[bert]

In my household three accounts work best. One for me..one for you..and one for us 50/50, which consists of household bills and savings. I do what I want with my money ..you do what you want with yours.. as long as the rent and bills are paid, food is on the table life is good..and no one needs to know I just came back from back from Bulletproof and spent $70 on tpb's...two weeks in a row...and I don't need to know anyone bought a pair of white short pants for $50 bucks. It works out pretty good..

ding ding ding. . we have a winnah!


(that's our arrangement too: 1 for the household, 1 for me, and 1 for him)

[Mark_Parnell]

I guess the thing that amazes me is how little some of my friends wives know about what their husbands earn for a living and how much they spend.

[Major Comma]

In my household three accounts work best. One for me..one for you..and one for us 50/50, which consists of household bills and savings. I do what I want with my money ..you do what you want with yours.. as long as the rent and bills are paid, food is on the table life is good..and no one needs to know I just came back from back from Bulletproof and spent $70 on tpb's...two weeks in a row...and I don't need to know anyone bought a pair of white short pants for $50 bucks. It works out pretty good..

I like ths idea best.
Sometimes when a couple gets divorced, and they share a joint bank account
One spouse will choose to drain the account ,thinking they are totally in their rights because its a joint account.

[DavidAllred]

Just a curious questions here, but don't you think planning "in case" of a divorce sort opens the door for it? I don't know, but if my wife said to me, "Dave, I need my own account in case you divorce me..." I would feel a little bummed that she didn't trust me.

Now that said, I do think partners need to plan for retirement with seperate accounts. But that's just because of some of the transfer issues. I also think its probably dangerous for every credit card and every savings account to be in a single name and not joint names.

For example, when my in-laws divorced in their late 50's, one of them got stuck with all the credit card debt because of the single name on the card. Then the problem mate went out and checked out dozens of DVD's on the partner's card and sold them to feed an addiction. Sharing liability seems like a safe thing, so does sharing wealth.

Of course, that doesn't mean that my wife and I don't have fun money for each of us built into the budget. My fun money is about 75% comics & 25% video games. Hers involve food, margaritas, and trips with the girl friends.

Bascially, because we share accounts, she is affording me my play money. If we kept seperate accounts, then she'd be having lots of fun and I'd be crying about not having comic books. I dunno, but it seems like that would introduce additional stressors into the marriage. Maybe less so if we both made about the same amount in monthly salary, but that's not our situation.

[Paul McEnery]

I like ths idea best.
Sometimes when a couple gets divorced, and they share a joint bank account
One spouse will choose to drain the account ,thinking they are totally in their rights because its a joint account.

Been there. It's not a fun experience.

Especially if you're the one moving out.

[Gaelforce]

Just a curious questions here, but don't you think planning "in case" of a divorce sort opens the door for it? I don't know, but if my wife said to me, "Dave, I need my own account in case you divorce me..." I would feel a little bummed that she didn't trust me.'

I'm there. It's not his money or my money any more than it's his house or my house. It's our money, our house, our comics, etc. I can't imagine keeping a separate anything in case we divorce.

I think it's that trust and faith in each other in regards to the money that is a key component to our success. He makes more money than I do (he works more hours) but he gets far less sick leave than I do - I think I'd go nuts trying to keep track of who has more of what, who spends more or less, etc.

We check with each other for purchases over a certain amount of money, discuss and debate and, yeah, sometimes argue over the bigger purchases and we work things out.

[dupont2005]

It really depends a whole lot on the marriage. There is no one answer for all relationships.

[titanfan]

It depends on the relationship, but the best system I've heard of was actually 3 bank accounts, one for each of you, and the other for both of you.

Yes, the #1 reason for divorce is finances.

[WeAreGoingToEatYou]

Just a curious questions here, but don't you think planning "in case" of a divorce sort opens the door for it?

Not at all. I think it's called being smart. Love isn't some magical force that binds two people together for life, though a lot of people seem to think it is. Anything can happen, and you should be prepared for it.

[Deus ex Chris]

Totally depends on the people and the relationships - I known couples who have been successful with separate accounts, joint accounts or a mix of joint and separate and I known couples of who have completely f@#$@#$# it up financially with all those scenarios too.

I think the best bet is for people to sit down and honestly discuss how they manage money and devise a plan that works for them.

There's the answer.

[Typo Lad]

We have several accounts. One for bills, one for long term savings, one for our daughter's bat mitzvah...

[mikekerr3]

We have several accounts. One for bills, one for long term savings, one for our daughter's bat mitzvah...

If your still at the point where it's his money and her money i believe that marriage is something that you should reconsider carefully.

[Typo Lad]

If your still at the point where it's his money and her money i believe that marriage is something that you should reconsider carefully.
You're welcome to that opinion.

We have "our" money, and then side money. Money I earn from tech support is "mine" or she earns from side jobs is "hers". We choose to pool it generally, but sometimes it's good to be able to buy stuff without checking with the other.

[Paul McEnery]

If your still at the point where it's his money and her money i believe that marriage is something that you should reconsider carefully.

... because it's still not sufficiently co-dependent?

[Paul McEnery]

You're welcome to that opinion.

We have "our" money, and then side money. Money I earn from tech support is "mine" or she earns from side jobs is "hers". We choose to pool it generally, but sometimes it's good to be able to buy stuff without checking with the other.

For a start, then she'll never know how expensive that present you bought her really is.




And that's another thing. There's little more dispiriting at birthdays, Xmas, etc. than being bought a present out of your own money.

[WeAreGoingToEatYou]

Seriously, the kind of girl I'm looking for is the self-sufficient one who doesn't NEED any of my money in the first place.

[md62]

I have been married for 26 years & we have 2 joint checking accounts & 2 joint savings accounts. The checking account that my wife is listed first pays all the bills. 90% of my paycheck goes into that account. My wife works part time & hers goes into both that checking account & the savings account where she is listed first. We use that savings acct for household emergencies (new water heater, etc). She also has another smaller savings account that we use for Christmas & summer vacations.

The accounts where I am listed first is 10% of my paycheck. Out of that checking account I use it to buy lunches, gas for my car & my comic books & her Christmas gifts.

This system works for us. We both don't draw money out of the same account & mess things up. It has enabled us to be in our mid 40's & have no debt except our mortgage (which will be paid off in 7 yrs). But since they all are joint accounts both of us can look online at any time & keep an eye on things.

[Perry Holley]

My wife and I (married for almost 11 years, living together for 5 years before that) have always had separate bank accounts. It's worked just fine for us.

We've occasionally discussed getting a third joint-account, and will probably do so someday, but it's never been a pressing priority, as we've gotten along just fine without it.

[mikekerr3]

You're welcome to that opinion.

We have "our" money, and then side money. Money I earn from tech support is "mine" or she earns from side jobs is "hers". We choose to pool it generally, but sometimes it's good to be able to buy stuff without checking with the other.

I have no problem with that, Just fielding the total incomes into hers and his seems strange and unstable

[DavidAllred]

Not at all. I think it's called being smart. Love isn't some magical force that binds two people together for life, though a lot of people seem to think it is. Anything can happen, and you should be prepared for it.

I just can't imagine living that way. While it is true that love isn't magical, it's a choice of the will. I guess two people just have to determine the strength of each other's will to thrive in the relationship.

I think I must be a crusty old fart. I just don't undestand how the world works when two people prepare for the worst in a marriage. But then again, I could probably live under a bridge and be happy, so whatever. She can have the farm if that's what she wants. (ETA: Of course we don't own one, but if we did...)

[mikekerr3]

... because it's still not sufficiently co-dependent?

Marriage should weld lives together, in a marriage co-dependency makes synergy and that is a good thing.

[Typo Lad]

I have no problem with that, Just fielding the total incomes into hers and his seems strange and unstable
She earns a salary. I earn a salary. We share expenses, of course, but my work is worth x and her work is worth y, and saying "it's all the same" devalues our work.

[dumbstruck]

I think sharing is the way to go. I know couples that don't, and I guess whatever works for them is cool, but I can't imagine keeping a whole section of my life walled up from my partner. When we first got married we had student loans and credit card debt wracked up from college. Both of us had car loans too. We just picked a debt and started working together on it until they were all paid off. I don't think we could have accomplished that if we were living divided financial lives.


We had a similar situation, but we conquered the debts without having a joint account. My wife and I have lived together for 7 years, and we've kept our individual accounts. If both people are fiscally responsible, than there is no need for joint accounts. If one person has a spending problem then.......