Fiance

[Phelpzy]

So my fiance and I have been together roughly 3 years, in November its 3. Tonight she was going out with friends to go bowling, and was suppose to come back and us watch movies until bed. Well at 10:20 see comes in hands me a bag of Taco Bell and says that she's going over to her friends and staying over there tonight . I try to tell her that I've had a bad day and wanted her to stay home, at 4 I had to take my best friend to the E.R. and didnt get out until 8. She processed to tell me that I am always with her and she never gets to hang out with friends. She head toward the door and I kiss her and tell her I love her, she says it back and just leaves. I've sent her two texts and havent gotten a reply. I dont know what to do.

[DrewTheXenocide]

Maybe chill out a little?
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJtf7R_oVaw&feature=avmsc2)

[Jeff Brady]

Seriously, relax. This is nothing. Literally nothing to get worked up about. Don't become one of those possessive, needy, controlling psychos, because she will dump your ass when you do.

[Phelpzy]

Ok, only reason I'm really worried is because this friend of hers HATES me and every time they are together she tried to get her to dump me. Also last time she went out her friend took her to a party and got her shit faced and she hit on ever single guy there

[howyadoin]

Ok, only reason I'm really worried is because this friend of hers HATES me and every time they are together she tried to get her to dump me. Also last time she went out her friend took her to a party and got her shit faced and she hit on ever single guy thereNo offense, but that sounds like a really unhealthy relationship you've got goin' on there.

[klaww]

No offense, but that sounds like a really unhealthy relationship you've got goin' on there.
wot he said.
you've gotta TRUST her, man. dont let them other hoes in yo way. man, TRUST.
uhm. seriously, just trust her, if something happens, it probably wasnt meant to be, if she doesnt, good for you. :)
and she's your fiancee, i dont think she'd cheat on you.

[Phelpzy]

She never drinks and she was upset with me while she was at that party, so I can understand it then, but believe me we don't have a unhealthy relationship, we always get along and are cuddly/ lovey, it is just when she goes out with this friend, and only this friend, when she goes out with other friends shes normal its just this one she goes into bitch mode

[bipolar danger girl]

Give her some space, and don't make her feel bad about needing space. Just be happy to see her when she comes home, give her a big happy hug, and tell her Taco Bell is not an acceptable dinner replacement.

[Paradox]

What the others said. Just take a deep breath and let it go. Behaving needy and clingy will get you nowhere. Making an issue out of this will make things worse, not better. Just let her go have her fun. It's a stupid old adage, but the "if you love something, let it go..." bit is true. If at some point she's going to bail on you, there's not much you can do about it. If she's not, you could certainly wreck things by acting like she is.

[Phelpzy]

Give her some space, and don't make her feel bad about needing space. Just be happy to see her when she comes home, give her a big happy hug, and tell her Taco Bell is not an acceptable dinner replacement.

Thanks for the advice, hopefully it works but she can be weird

[howyadoin]

She never drinks and she was upset with me while she was at that party, so I can understand it then, but believe me we don't have a unhealthy relationship, we always get along and are cuddly/ lovey, it is just when she goes out with this friend, and only this friend, when she goes out with other friends shes normal its just this one she goes into bitch modeOh, the poison friend. Watch out for her - she will destroy your life if she can find a way.

[Phelpzy]

Oh, the poison friend. Watch out for her - she will destroy your life if she can find a way.

What do you mean?

[dupont2005]

I say go over there and try your best to kick the door in screaming "I know there's a guy in there!!"

Then go get drunk and leave her a few voice messages.

[howyadoin]

What do you mean?Meaning that she's manipulative, a bad influence, and on some level probably jealous that you're closer to your girlfriend than she is.

Obviously I'm generalizing wildly, but I've certainly seen this kinda shit happen before.

[Phelpzy]

Meaning that she's manipulative, a bad influence, and on some level probably jealous that you're closer to your girlfriend than she is.

Obviously I'm generalizing wildly, but I've certainly seen this kinda shit happen before.

Dude you just described that bitch in the same words I would have

[howyadoin]

Dude you just described that bitch in the same words I would haveDon't even get me started, man. If you knew half the raving psychos I've tangled with, it'd keep you awake at night, I swear.

[Paradox]

The thing is, if "the bitch" can poison your girlfriend, she's got to have something to go on. If your relationship is solid, just laugh it off. If it's not, well there's probably not much you can do to fix it so, just laugh it off. One other person can't turn your mate against you unless they were at least somewhat predisposed in that direction to begin with.

[Phelpzy]

Don't even get me started, man. If you knew half the raving psychos I've tangled with, it'd keep you awake at night, I swear.

lol, so is there anyway to just get rid of a person like this? I've tried talking to her about how the friend makes her act and all she said was that im wrong and that nothings going to come between us but whenever shes with this friend she always makes me feel like shit because she ignores my calls and/or txts. Her friend even called me bitching one time when my fiance went over to drop movies off and i text her to telling her I has supper done.

[howyadoin]

lol, so is there anyway to just get rid of a person like this?Hah. Probably nothing short of cement shoes.

[Phelpzy]

Hah. Probably nothing short of cement shoes.

That's what I was thinking, but she's got a bun in the oven or I'd have done it by now

[Genocide]

Damn a girl who's already a horrible person, who is pregnant and filled with female hormones?

Sounds like someone I would avoid like the plague.

As others have said, put your faith in your relationship and if your relationship is solid, everything should work out fine

[Justin D.]

I seem to be the only one who finds it odd and am a bit weary of someone who comes home with Taco Bell bag before telling him she's staying the night at a friend's house. The way you phrased it, I assume you live together now. If she didn't mention it at any other point and there's no emergency to it, yeah, it's a bit rude for her to just drop that info on your right before she heads off. So many people are telling you to chill out or relax, but I have to say it's okay to tell her that was a rude thing to do. I doubt it would be acceptable if the sexes were reversed.

[Phelpzy]

I seem to be the only one who finds it odd and am a bit weary of someone who comes home with Taco Bell bag before telling him she's staying the night at a friend's house. The way you phrased it, I assume you live together now. If she didn't mention it at any other point and there's no emergency to it, yeah, it's a bit rude for her to just drop that info on your right before she heads off. So many people are telling you to chill out or relax, but I have to say it's okay to tell her that was a rude thing to do. I doubt it would be acceptable if the sexes were reversed.

Exactly, she just walked in gave me the food and left. Hadn't seen her all day cause she left at 3:30 and stayed the night over at her mothers the night before to help her with something. I found it disturbing that she just came home and left again without even talking to me about it. I'm still upset about it and when she gets home she's probably not going to like me for awhile

[Ozymandas]

I have little patience for behavior like this. How about a phone call to let you know she made plans for the evening? Dropping off food and leaving so that you have no chance to have a say is insulting.

I'd end things right there, but that's me. Of course if she's preggers, it's more complicated than that...

[Spike-X]

Dude, you're sounding more than a little clingy and insecure here. And she's not sounding like so much of a prize catch either.

Might I suggest you both wait and grow up a lil' more before you go getting married?

[FunkyGreenJerusalem]

and on some level probably jealous that you're closer to your girlfriend than she is.


I disagree.

'On some level' and 'probably'?

Unless she's different to every other bitch friend in the world, it's 'every level' and 'definitely'.


lol, so is there anyway to just get rid of a person like this? I've tried talking to her about how the friend makes her act and all she said was that im wrong and that nothings going to come between us but whenever shes with this friend she always makes me feel like shit because she ignores my calls and/or txts. Her friend even called me bitching one time when my fiance went over to drop movies off and i text her to telling her I has supper done.

Does your fiance know that you feel this way about the friend?
Not that you think she's a bitch - but that you feel she doesn't like you?
Without harping on about it, let her know you think everything's not cool with this chick.
Then play the waiting game.
Eventually, she'll go too far trying to discredit you, or get really pushy or domineering, and your missus will see what you were talking about, and they won't be friends anymore.

Trick is though, you can't try force it, nor slag the friend off - maybe an eye roll or two, but other than that, make it seem like you are trying to be nice and friendly.
Of course, if your missus ever complains about her, feel free to encourage it, or even, if you're feeling cocky, disagree with the missus to defend the friend, but in a way that highlights whatever slight she has done was totally selfish.


Little odd your lady didn't even notice you were a bit messed up.
On the other hand, she brought you some dinner.

[Phelpzy]

I disagree.

'On some level' and 'probably'?

Unless she's different to every other bitch friend in the world, it's 'every level' and 'definitely'.



Does your fiance know that you feel this way about the friend?
Not that you think she's a bitch - but that you feel she doesn't like you?
Without harping on about it, let her know you think everything's not cool with this chick.
Then play the waiting game.
Eventually, she'll go too far trying to discredit you, or get really pushy or domineering, and your missus will see what you were talking about, and they won't be friends anymore.

Trick is though, you can't try force it, nor slag the friend off - maybe an eye roll or two, but other than that, make it seem like you are trying to be nice and friendly.
Of course, if your missus ever complains about her, feel free to encourage it, or even, if you're feeling cocky, disagree with the missus to defend the friend, but in a way that highlights whatever slight she has done was totally selfish.


Little odd your lady didn't even notice you were a bit messed up.
On the other hand, she brought you some dinner.

Ya she knows how I feel about the friend, she knows her friend doesnt like me she's flat at told her to dump me because im a piece of shit, said this while I was in the room looking at her.

[Phelpzy]

Dude, you're sounding more than a little clingy and insecure here. And she's not sounding like so much of a prize catch either.

Might I suggest you both wait and grow up a lil' more before you go getting married?

Dude, I had to sit in a hospital for 4 hours today and wait to see if my best friend was ok, then I come home and wait for her to get home for supper and get a taco bell bag throw at me and TOLD that shes staying at her friends tonight without even talking to me about it with me. All i'm saying is its a bitch thing to do and it always happens when she is with this friend, and only this friend which I find complete bull shit

[FunkyGreenJerusalem]

Not to be rough man, but if you're the love of her life, then why would she hang around with someone who hates you, and talks constantly about hating you?
Who, when engaged, hangs around with someone who keeps trying to get them to dump, or cheat on, the person they are seeing?
It seems pretty messed up she's got this friend at all.

[Phelpzy]

Not to be rough man, but if you're the love of her life, then why would she hang around with someone who hates you, and talks constantly about hating you?
Who, when engaged, hangs around with someone who keeps trying to get them to dump, or cheat on, the person they are seeing?
It seems pretty messed up she's got this friend at all.

I'm starting to think that as well, she only hangs out with this friend once every two to three months though, in my book its not really a friendship its her friend comes around when none of her other friends are around, yet my fiance doesnt see this even when I've tried to tell her

[Typo Lad]

Oh, the poison friend. Watch out for her - she will destroy your life if she can find a way.

I, personally, take great pleasure in the fact that my wife's "poison friend" is still single and miserable, 11 years later.

Not saying being single is a miserable situation, but it is for this girl, it seems.

[The Mast]

One of the most evil things a girl can do is act like nothing's wrong when it is.

I am someone who, due to past events in my life, IS generally kind of possessive. I don't mean to be, I'm not possessive in a harsh or mean way, but I do kinda get on edge when I feel like something's wrong. My girl understands that and she always tells me what's up. I've chilled out because she has helped me to.

Any girl that puts a guy through the torture of that, or guy doing it to a girl, is just horrible. "I'm pissed, I'm letting you know something's up, but I won't tell you."

Forget that garbage.

[Tom]

Dude, you're sounding more than a little clingy and insecure here. And she's not sounding like so much of a prize catch either.

Might I suggest you both wait and grow up a lil' more before you go getting married?

dingdingdingding!!!

We have a winner!

[Zero Hunter]

Your 19 and have been with her for over 3 years and are now engaged? I don't mean to be a dick here but the chances of this realtionship lasting are not good at all. She might already be at the point where she feels like being tied down is making her miss out on all the things that people your age do.

[The Black Guardian]

Gotta agree with Zero. It's been two nights in a row she's slept somewhere else? Something is seriously wrong. Don't sweat it though, at 19 you and your girl should probably not even be thinking about engagements and "death do us part." Long-term relationships really don't tend to be good at that period in a person's life.

[Justin D.]

Dude, you're sounding more than a little clingy and insecure here. And she's not sounding like so much of a prize catch either.

Might I suggest you both wait and grow up a lil' more before you go getting married?


dingdingdingding!!!

We have a winner!

Ok, I have to ask why this thought keeps coming up. How is the guy seen as clingy? The only way I get that is the part about the two texts since she left, but from everything else here, he could have been telling her how he wasn't happy with the way she told him she was staying the night elsewhere and that it was rude not to have mentioned it before then. I'm reading into it as much as anyone else there too.

If I came home after 10 PM, dropped off a bag of fast food with my girlfriend for her dinner, and unexpectedly told her I was going to stay the night at a friend's house, there is no way she would take that well and I wouldn't blame her one bit. I wouldn't think it was clingy for her to get upset about that kind of behavior either.

[Spike-X]

Dude, I had to sit in a hospital for 4 hours today and wait to see if my best friend was ok, then I come home and wait for her to get home for supper and get a taco bell bag throw at me and TOLD that shes staying at her friends tonight without even talking to me about it with me. All i'm saying is its a bitch thing to do and it always happens when she is with this friend, and only this friend which I find complete bull shit
Don't get pissed at me because I'm not telling you want you want to hear.

You need to both sit down and talk through this, and come up with a reasonable solution. If you can't do that, together, for whatever reason, then the two of you are not ready to be even thinking about getting married yet. And what with being 19 and all, you're probably not ready to be married yet.

Don't get me wrong; I would also be damn pissed off if I was in the same situation right now. I can understand where you're coming from there. I can also see things from her point of view, though; I imagine she feels like she's being forced to choose between you and her friend. I've been in that situation, and it's a shitty place to be.

[Ben Charles]

Phelpzy,

Do yourself a favor and invest more of your time into your interests. From the story you've told us it appears that your GF is distancing herself somewhat. Perhaps she just needs a temporary getaway or it could be something more permanent.

Regardless, by putting more time into your own endeavors she will be given the added space she seems to require and you will be better off if she decides to move on. This is just my experience mind you, but women at that age tend to be turned off by guys that are too available. By taking time away from her and investing in your own interests it may help to restore some of that mystique not to mention the obvious personal benefits of getting to know yourself more.

I agree with others here that the way she went about things was all wrong. Space from each other in a long term relationship is a GOOD thing, but only if conducted in a respectful fashion. Good luck to you!

[dupont2005]

Ok, I have to ask why this thought keeps coming up. How is the guy seen as clingy? The only way I get that is the part about the two texts since she left, but from everything else here, he could have been telling her how he wasn't happy with the way she told him she was staying the night elsewhere and that it was rude not to have mentioned it before then. I'm reading into it as much as anyone else there too.

If I came home after 10 PM, dropped off a bag of fast food with my girlfriend for her dinner, and unexpectedly told her I was going to stay the night at a friend's house, there is no way she would take that well and I wouldn't blame her one bit. I wouldn't think it was clingy for her to get upset about that kind of behavior either.
It doesn't sound like this is the first time she has done that. She gets wasted with a friend that supposedly has it in for him, and goes out flirting with guys. The fact that he is still engaged to her is the "clingy" part. It's not her friend's fault either. It's just the kind of girl he's engaged to. Either deal with it or break it off I say.

[howyadoin]

It's not her friend's fault either.Considering she's actively trying to break them up, and has referred to him as a piece of shit, I'd say it's fair for her to shoulder at least some of the blame.

[Spike-X]

I, personally, take great pleasure in the fact that my wife's "poison friend" is still single and miserable, 11 years later.

Not saying being single is a miserable situation, but it is for this girl, it seems.
I'm gonna venture that, even if she wasn't single, she'd still be miserable.

Some people not only don't want to be happy themselves, they don't want anybody else to be happy either.

[FunkyGreenJerusalem]

Considering she's actively trying to break them up, and has referred to him as a piece of shit, I'd say it's fair for her to shoulder at least some of the blame.

Yeah, I've flat out hated some friends girlfriends, and some were the worst people in the world, but it's not cool to be constantly telling them that.
You just don't talk about them.
The friend hates Phelpzy, she should just sit on it.

(Then again, chicks seem to have very different rules on treating a friends partner than guys do).

[howyadoin]

Then again, chicks seem to have very different rules on treating a friends partner than guys do.Yeah, the only time they won't try to interfere is if the guy is beating their friend up.

[FunkyGreenJerusalem]

Yeah, the only time they won't try to interfere is if the guy is beating their friend up.

There's also the just being a bitch factor - I've had shit said to me by girls friends that I'd never even consider to saying to a mates girl, let alone the fallout that would happen if I actually did.
And god forbid you ever said anything like that to a girlfriends friends.

[howyadoin]

There's also the just being a bitch factor - I've had shit said to me by girls friends that I'd never even consider to saying to a mates girl, let alone the fallout that would happen if I actually did.
And god forbid you ever said anything like that to a girlfriends friends.Believe me, it gets even worse once they all start getting married. At least when they're just dating, there's a chance the guy might break up with the bitch and then you can finally say what's on your mind.

[o1pickleboy]

Gotta agree with Zero. It's been two nights in a row she's slept somewhere else? Something is seriously wrong. Don't sweat it though, at 19 you and your girl should probably not even be thinking about engagements and "death do us part." Long-term relationships really don't tend to be good at that period in a person's life.

That is behavior my ex was having before her affair. Something is lacking at home and she is looking elsewhere for it.

I suggest going out with friends and have a good time yourself, but to play it safe and give her the benefit of doubt for now. Plan seeds for the future just it case you need your personal life to grow.

[FunkyGreenJerusalem]

I suggest going out with friends and have a good time yourself, but to play it safe and give her the benefit of doubt for now.

I suggest going out to a strip club and coming home with glitter on your face.

If nothing else, she'll be hesitant to leave you alone again.

[FunkyGreenJerusalem]

Believe me, it gets even worse once they all start getting married. At least when they're just dating, there's a chance the guy might break up with the bitch and then you can finally say what's on your mind.

Most of the one's suckered into marriage by stopped being allowed to come out with me a long time ago.

[klaww]

I suggest going out to a strip club and coming home with glitter on your face.

If nothing else, she'll be hesitant to leave you alone again.
I, personally, think that is the way to do it. But, my eye-for-an-eye kind of policy is probably frowned upon with women.