Co-Worker Antics

[Shellhead]

Anybody want to share some wacky stories about co-workers here?

I've got one, but the situation is still in progress.

Last year, we hired a couple of recent grads from a local university. They did have some practical lab experience, so in theory we wouldn't need to start from scratch with the training. We hired one, then hired the second one in part due to a recommendation from the first one.

Turns out that they are both terrible employees. They are lazy, dishonest, and sneaky. One of them has screwed up three different scientific studies and cost us a big new client. The other one is always whining and blaming other people when we try to give her constructive criticism, so her training has been slow.

It gets better. A few months ago, they realized that they were in danger of being fired for incompetence. So they started gathering information to blackmail various managers, on the theory that if they had enough blackmail material, they would be immune to getting fired. So they tried to turn some faint, illegible pencil marks in a lab book into some kind of scandal. They recently double-checked some surgeries performed by the head of their department, by re-opening the sutures and then sewing up again. (They didn't find anything.) And they also think that they might blackmail the company because a manager in a different department dated one of their co-workers for a while.

When all this was brought to my attention yesterday, my reaction was immediate and instinctive: fire them now. But, no, we're going to write them both up for insubordination and disruptive behavior. The next offense for either of them will be another write-up, and the third time will be termination.

This blackmail scheme just seems so goofy. Did they get this idea from some lame sitcom or something?

[Pól Rua]

Mac needs to tell the story! He does he does he does!!!!

[Nightstar1441]

Wow - not the brightest bulbs in the box are they?

I can see why they are writing them up - creates a pattern to base letting them go on. Now that they have been exposed - look for the managers to try and hold them a bit more accountable on their responsibilities and see if they can trip them into an verbal insubordination with witnesses

[fly on the wall]

I worked with a woman named Diane Temple. If one carefully observered her duties she was a mere secretary but for some reason she had this artificially elevated position. It was odd around the workplace as those who started doing well got in trouble for some reason or they got fired. Whenever I did really well at work my boss would burn my ass over some usually trumped-up transgression that I had been seen doing. When I asked my boss who my accuser was, she would say nothing.

This went on for a few years and we began to suspect it was Diane Temple. She started getting sloppy and we were almost sure that it was her. So we hacked into her email and read all her emails. She was behind everything and we even found one email where she had altered an email to totally distort it's meaning to make us look bad and then she sent it to the big boss.

So we had proof of all of our suspicions about Diane Temple, we realized what her exalted position was, she was the spy for the big bosses, although she was a spy that perverted all the information she gave to the bosses. We got in trouble when we did well because that was when she felt threatened by us. But there was nothing we could do, the bosses were in on it too. And our evidence was obtained illegally. So my partner got a new job pretty quick and a few years later I went to work with her. That's one way to deal with a toxic environment, leave it.

Of course I'm still married to Deci-Belle.

[howyadoin]

This blackmail scheme just seems so goofy. Did they get this idea from some lame sitcom or something?They should take all those fractions of pennies in their cashflow and siphon them into another bank account.

[dupont2005]

3 of my coworkers were fired for drugs. all 3 were brought to the clinic and ended up skipping out on foot to avoid the test.

why were they being tested? one backed into a water tower and knocked it over, flooding an entire construction site. this was his first day riding solo after training.

the second guy rolled a truck in an intersection.

the third stole $1800 and said he got mugged. sometimes on saturdays we would get stuck with large amounts of cash because the dispatch office closes early. on monday he came in to work and said the money was gone. he got mugged. he didn't call the police.

when i worked in the mine everyone but me was missing a body part. fingers, eyes, hands, and so on. one guy looked like freddy kreuger from a terrible accident. freaked me out. i thought if i stayed in there too long i would be missing a limb too. oh yeah, one guy lived at work and kept a shitload of guns around. he was crazy

[Michael P]

They should take all those fractions of pennies in their cashflow and siphon them into another bank account.

Triple-check that decimal point, though.

[Ottmeister X]

No good stories to relate in large detail, but it's amazing how accurate Dilbert is sometimes.

[Monty_Cristo]

we have a food thief in my office ex. half of my supervisor's sandwich was eaten and put back in the fridge. what's weird is that we're in a badge-only-accessible area and there are only 10 of us. yeah, it's not a very exciting story. but it reminds me that the working world is really just an extension of grade school.

[HomerJay]

No incompetency here, but my favorite coworker was a magnificent asshole named Tom that I was a news videotape editor with about 11 years ago. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the character of Randall in CLERKS was based on him.

One instance: a story called for a specific piece of video off a CNN news feed. Upon not finding said piece of video, Tom walked out to the newsroom to inform the producer that video was not on the newsfeed tape. When met with skepticism from this producer, Tom retorted with "I hate talking to you, so if the video was there, I wouldn't standing here right now."

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Back a years ago I worked at McDonalds. Not the high achievment job locally you all envy I know. But there was a cast of characters. So here is a story of one of them.


His name was Josh I believe. He was about 5'7 , and he wasn't a tall guy. Me and my cousin somehow got this job working there. She was older than me ...and Josh was in High School. He was...weird. I mean more weirder than me. He'd be wearing McDonalds shorts and high ankle socks. He'd then start shaking and dancing back there as he'd lip synch some song.

I couldn't help but laugh 90% of my time with him. He was just a funny guy to watch and see . Then one day he and manager got into it.

"I can't work Tammy...I can't. I have HS football practice and I can't be late to it."

"Josh its just 30 minutes. Til , Steve comes in and takes the shift. Then you can go."

"No , Tammy ...you don't understand. I have a dream. A dream one day I will make it into the N-F-L. I will be in the Hall of Fame damn it and this screws up my chances of getting in the NFL ! I can't work and ruin my future NFL career."

So he refused... pissed and angry as he walked out. Claiming he had his NFL career ahead. Me and my female cousin watched this and looked at each other. Then she said this which made me and the female manager Tammy burst laughing.

"I believe the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top for that poor guy."

Josh to prove how close the NFL was , quit a day later. Claiming they at McDonalds were killing his NFL dream. The manager just shook her head and laughed the whole time...while he gave his passionate speech of how they couldn't stop him from the Hall of Fame.

[Sir Tim Drake]

This isn't a co-worker story, but it reminds me of some of the stories on this thread, because it's an incident that happened at work and because it involves stupid behavior.

About a week ago, one of my students turned in an essay about her stuffed bunny. She wrote about how it comforted her when her parents divorced, and how she and her mother sewed all kinds of patches onto it. Reading the story, I said "awww" numerous times and was prepared to give her an A for writing such an emotionally effective essay. However, I also noticed that the level of writing was somewhat higher than her usual standard. So just to be on the safe side, I Googled one of the phrases from the essay, and I found this blog post from 2007:

http://swimmer7712a.blogspot.com/2007/12/object-essay.html

It was exactly the same as the essay that the student had turned in. Yesterday morning, I confronted her about her obvious plagiarism. She flatly denied that she had plagiarized the essay. When I showed her the blog post, she claimed she had never seen it before. However, later in the day she withdrew from the course.

The way one of my professors explained it is, students may think they can get away with plagiarism, but they forget that English teachers are professional readers and interpreters of texts. Therefore, we become suspicious when a student's writing is unusually good compared to that student's previous work.

[Puma]

I have no wacky co-workers. I have co-workers who are neurotic, mentally unstable, and desperately in need of medication.

[Pól Rua]

Mac needs to tell the story! He does he does he does!!!!

A-ha! Managed to find it, Jim MacQuarrie's tales of co-worker stupidity!
Made ME laugh...

http://www.monkeyspit.net/rantman/pranks.php

[Athena Bast]

I have no wacky co-workers. I have co-workers who are neurotic, mentally unstable, and desperately in need of medication.

Ditto.

Though, one of my favourite co-workers was a guy from McDonald's that I'm still friends with. He's a combination of a suave Michael Caine and debonair Patrick Stewart wrapped in a 20 year old philosophy/journalism student.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Another co-worker I had at McDonalds and this one was pretty damn crazy. He was a big mountain of a man. He had to go about 300-400 pounds. Along with his size , he was a bully type . I had been transfered to that McDonalds while they redone the old one.

So within days of meeting this guy (he worked drive-thru) he was an ass to me and anyone else. He would walk by and bump you on purpose. I wouldn't budge for him..as he'd give me a look. I knew if he kept pushing I would throw all the ketchup and shit all over his dumb big ass and try and beat the shit outta him.

One girl hated him as he'd try his pickup lines. She would tell me she just wished he'd leave her the fuck alone and stop asking what color panties she had on and all. Even she was wanting to sling grease on him after so long.

None of us during his shift was ever allowed near the drive-thru window. One of us would ask , he'd get in a huff and tell us men ...one of us would have to beat his ass for the job. The women who wanted it were told they could sleep with him .

So after weeks of us all basically trying to exist and not wanting to kill this dumb obese bastard , we finally got good news. And the entire thing began weird. I was working as my manager asked to see me alone. Now , what would you think ? I was kinda worried I had done something wrong.

Its there she revealed that McDonalds was launching an internal investigation and had others audit the drive-thru window. Everyone in the store was supposed to be asked if we worked the window. But she knew I never did. I was often the food prep guy , grill worker , or maintance man and had never had that job ...ever.

She told me they knew who did later as I was shocked. Seems "Fat Bastard" didn't want us near drive-thru since he was embezzling from the til. He was told to pay it back and and they wouldn't make it a criminal deal. Plus he was told to quit.

Is it wrong to say we all had a small little crew party , and the girl he bothered the most was really happy . She said it was like an early X-Mas gift. :tongue:

[Zero Hunter]

My favorite is my old superviser. He was always a ass with a severly overinflated ego. Well one day he was walking outside to check somthing and slipped and fell breaking both wrists. I thought great since I would not have to deal with that asshat for at least 6 weeks. This idiot came back to work after 2 weeks with both his wrists all pinned up and set. He was so worried about them realizing how little he actully did around there he came back. It was hilarious watching him try to light a cigertte when he could only really move a finger or two on each hand. I would go into his office to get him to sign something or check something and almost fall on the floor watching him try typing like that. And after all that he was demoted less than a year latter to the same level as me so that even made it more funny.

[Romero]

At my old job I was a mid-level supervisor over some customer service reps. This one girl we hired slept with at least 75% of the men in the office, or at least the ones she deemed hot enough.

Didn't matter if they were single or married and she had no shame about it either. She made it public, joked about it, and would try and get me to sleep with her, loudly and publicly.

She was cool and funny and had nice hooters, but there was NO WAY I was going to get myself involved in that, and have it be public knowledge. Even after I quit working there, I didn't do it.

It really seemed like a need or obsession with her. Maybe not that she was a true "nympho" but that it seemed to go beyond just enjoying sex.

EDIT: this woman I currently work with just told us all that her doctor said she is a "carrier" for strep throat! I didn't know that was possible but I guess it is. Definitely won't be kissing her either! LOL

[Shellhead]

Ah, McDonalds. I worked at three different McDonalds in my late teens/early 20s, and I was an Employee of the Month once at each one. I met some very memorable characters at every one.

At the first one, there was this guy named Marlon who was notorious for sexual harassment. Whenever a young female got hired there, he went after her like he was a pimp at a Greyhound station. One time, he was hitting on this plump, young blonde in the breakroom, and asked her if she had any kids. She said no, and he leered, "Wanna make some?"

Eventually, my favorite manager Frank straightened Marlon out. Frank was a cool Italian-American guy who was clean-cut but very into heavy metal. Anyway, he called Marlon into the freezer for "a brief discussion." I didn't see what happened because I was working really hard to cover Marlon's side of the grill and mine, but there were crashing sounds inside the freezer. Then Frank stepped out with a smug look on his face and I caught a glimpse of Marlon hunched over in pain and holding his groin area with both hands.

[Arvandor]

It's not just Americans who are provincial.

My workmate: "So, have you ever been abroad?"

Me: "I went to Canada, once."

Workmate: "I didn't know you've been to America."

I stare at him in stunned silence for several seconds.

Me: "Canada is not a part of America."

Workmate: "So what country is it a part of, then?"

Me: "IT'S IT'S OWN COUNTRY, YOU IDIOT!!!"

[i_mmmchocolate]

When I was 19, I worked at a whole foods type of grocery store. On my first day on the job, I saw a co-worker steal a few twenties from the register. She claimed she was going to give the extra twenties to our boss, so he can place it in the back office. Not. As it turns out, they hired me to replace her.

When I was in my early 20's, I worked for a fairly small library. All of the department supervisors hated this one particular supervisor (who happened to be my boss). They thought she had some sort of superiority complex (which she didn't) and wanted her out. Cattiness to the extreme. They basically made her feel very unwelcome for the 5-6 years she was there. I left for unrelated reasons, but later found out that she had quit shortly thereafter.

At the most recent job I've had, I don't even know where to begin...

-People were often hired because they knew someone who worked there, e.g. a relative or when the director hired a police officer's kid (who is still employed despite being an idiot). It's a miracle I got that job because I didn't know a soul.

-Then there was the time my ex-boss was convinced that one of her employees knew she was pregnant before she was hired. My ex-boss would passive-aggressively make remarks about that. I guess she was trying to see if anyone could confirm this or not...

-When I was trying my darndest to finish my unpaid internship hours (something I really didn't want to do, but had to for my degree), I requested many days off. This apparently didn't sit well with my boss (even though my status was 'temp' which means I'm not obligated to work a set number of hours). One day, she called me into her office to tell me that she had been disappointed with me working so few hours and that she wouldn't have anything nice to say if I put her down as a reference for a job opportunity. I was totally taken aback. Still, to this day, I don't get her anger-- I wasn't taking time off to go on vacation. I was trying to complete my degree requirements. Weird.

-The most recent-- I asked to be excluded from the schedule for the next three months (again, I'm a temp) and that offended quite a few people for the most ridiculous reasons (according to a few, I was being inconsiderate for leaving because they're short-staffed and, also, that I didn't call one of my supervisors to let her know beforehand (that ruined our friendship in her eyes, apparently). Passive-aggressiveness galore!

[SUPERECWFAN1]

At my old job I was a mid-level supervisor over some customer service reps. This one girl we hired slept with at least 75% of the men in the office, or at least the ones she deemed hot enough.

Didn't matter if they were single or married and she had no shame about it either. She made it public, joked about it, and would try and get me to sleep with her, loudly and publicly.

She was cool and funny and had nice hooters, but there was NO WAY I was going to get myself involved in that, and have it be public knowledge. Even after I quit working there, I didn't do it.

It really seemed like a need or obsession with her. Maybe not that she was a true "nympho" but that it seemed to go beyond just enjoying sex.

EDIT: this woman I currently work with just told us all that her doctor said she is a "carrier" for strep throat! I didn't know that was possible but I guess it is. Definitely won't be kissing her either! LOL

Ah, McDonalds. I worked at three different McDonalds in my late teens/early 20s, and I was an Employee of the Month once at each one. I met some very memorable characters at every one.

At the first one, there was this guy named Marlon who was notorious for sexual harassment. Whenever a young female got hired there, he went after her like he was a pimp at a Greyhound station. One time, he was hitting on this plump, young blonde in the breakroom, and asked her if she had any kids. She said no, and he leered, "Wanna make some?"

Eventually, my favorite manager Frank straightened Marlon out. Frank was a cool Italian-American guy who was clean-cut but very into heavy metal. Anyway, he called Marlon into the freezer for "a brief discussion." I didn't see what happened because I was working really hard to cover Marlon's side of the grill and mine, but there were crashing sounds inside the freezer. Then Frank stepped out with a smug look on his face and I caught a glimpse of Marlon hunched over in pain and holding his groin area with both hands.

Ha ha funny stories. I actually had 2 sexed co-workers at McDonalds when I worked there. One was a female and pretty damn hot. She would pull her pants down some to show off a thong at times. That she was wearing one. Once she caught me looking (what man could deny that ?) and she laughed and showed me in the break room a nice peek of her ass in that thong.

What was funny is I'm slow to the uptake and she asked me later if I was going any place special. I being dumb said no...just home (I was a teenager man...) . So a few weeks later she quit . I heard she got pregnet by some guy and all. I wished em luck. But another one told me she usually would ask guys that and sometimes let them take her home and spend the night. :tongue:


The 2nd over sex-ed worker was a guy named Joe who was in his 30's . No clue whatever happened to the dude. But as someone told me , he'd ride his bike to work for years. Joe also loved DA PORN. I found that out one day when a guy there was havin fun and said he'd return a porno tape he had borrowed from Joe.

Seems Joe collected quite a lot of porno. Not a small amount either. He had 2,500+ porn tapes. I was like....whoa....I then without missing a beat said.. "Joe this isn't personal but ill make my own lunch here ok..." as we all laughed.

What was sad is Joe and me barely got along. I worked the closing night crew. Joe worked the morning shift. He'd ask the managers to review how I closed and what I did to get closed in 40 minutes. I never gave a shit and neither did the managers who would ignore him.

Odds are he's still riding his bike to work.

[Shellhead]

Super, that's classic about Joe, and you reminded me of the ongoing antipathy between openers and closers. I tended to work opening shift, and we always just assumed that closing shift was a bunch of lazy potheads. And on the rare occasions that I did work closing, there were indeed some potheads on that shift.

Speaking of McDonalds and porn...

I had just moved to Minnesota, and was struggling to find any kind of job in my field, so I went back to work at McDonalds. (After 3 weeks, I became employee of the month, and by week 4, landed a much better job in accounting and left McDs.) I had just discovered that there was a local chain of comic book stores and went to the nearest one on one of my days off. And I noticed that they had a porn section in the back, so I went to check that out.

While I was studying one of the fine pictorials in the latest issue of Penthouse, this ugly middle-aged co-worker from that McDonalds walks into the porn area with her husband. I held up the magazine to block my face so I could pretend that I didn't see her, but she walked right up and introduced her husband. It was extremely awkward and embarrassing, and she made it worse by talking on and on, in a loud enough voice that people outside the porn section could easily hear her. When she started asking me about the new issue of Penthouse, that was enough. I told her that I was running late and got out of there right away.

[Thadeus Thunderwinkle]

When I was plumbing last summer (assisting a master plumber, that is), I was usually grouped with an apprentice/journeyman who went out of his way to be late for appointments by driving back to his house to pick up things, driving to Jamba Juice to get a smoothie, driving to Taco John's to get a breakfast burrito, and making one last trip to the shop before finally meeting our clients (come to find out, many people were angry with him in the months after I left).

I think I was most annoyed last year when he asked me to drive him to the body shop to pick up his car even though we were in the middle of a job.

[Sabrina_Fried]

I've been with the company where I am working now for just over 7 years (And yes, that's about 7 years too long). In that time, I have gone through 4 permanent managers, and had my department handed off to managers of other departments temporarily until they could replace a fired manager three times. The issue is, I am very experienced at my job. And for many of those seven years, I was a department of one. So I work very well with minimal supervision. TOO well as far as some control-freak type (and former) micro-managers are concerned.

The permanent manager I had prior to the one I have now, was the type of manager that likes to dictate every. little. detail. of how you are to do your job. It's not that she was setting company policy or conforming to privacy or security restrictions or whatever, she just liked to be in absolute control. As a result, she decided she was going to need to sign off on every littlle thing that I do, from processing new client files, to routine updates of clients' mailing addresses and phone numbers. She was also the type of manager who got herself invited to just about every meeting that ever happens in the office on a given day, even if it is not a meeting she really needs to attend. As a result, in a given day, she basically spent the entire working day in one meeting room or another (as an office of 40 people we have no fewer than 4 meeting rooms, plus about 10 offices that are large enough to serve as meeting rooms).

My work started to back up because she never had the time to sign off on the work I was doing. Documents that could have been processed same day were backed up as much as four months. The Executive director of the company personally came to my desk on numerious occassions with the intent to chew me out for not doing my job, only to learn that *I* was not the one holding up the files. Eventually my manager got the message: Clear the backlog. Or Else.

Naturally, she would not give up her busy (and totally unnecessary in most cases) schedule of meetings, so instead of delegating the work to other staff like she should have, she took files containing very private personal and financial data home with her to work on them. For most of these files, because of the backlog she created, there was no backup data. These were originals.

And she decided to do this, in violation of the company privacy and security policy that she attended meetings to help write, without telling me, AKA the staff that was responsible for maintaining those files.

Naturally, a few of the files didn't make it back to the office. The next time *I* was scheduled to have a meeting with her, the Executive director attended instead, apologized, and told me that security had just escorted her from the building.

She did return the files before she was fired - most of them were water-damaged to the point of being unreadable, or otherwise ruined. It took me the better part of a year to chase the affected clients and restore the lost data.

Sabrina

[Serik]

I was an office clerk at my last job, helping the IT team close trouble tickets and dealing with customer requests for new equipment and/or maintenance. Annoying but easy stuff that none of the higher-paid employees wanted to bother with. My managers liked me because of my anal retentiveness: none of the company IT databases became disorganized on my watch.

Anyway, the clowns in charge of a multimillion dollar building project ordered construction to begin before obtaining the required permits and talking to various other contractors. Ultimately, one of the structures had to be bulldozed shortly after completion because it was smack-dab in the middle of a planned city roadway. Total communication failure.

The project manager was promoted to an executive position shortly thereafter, even though that shit happened on his watch :O

[howyadoin]

While I was studying one of the fine pictorials in the latest issue of Penthouse, this ugly middle-aged co-worker from that McDonalds walks into the porn area with her husband. I held up the magazine to block my face so I could pretend that I didn't see her, but she walked right up and introduced her husband. It was extremely awkward and embarrassing, and she made it worse by talking on and on, in a loud enough voice that people outside the porn section could easily hear her. When she started asking me about the new issue of Penthouse, that was enough. I told her that I was running late and got out of there right away.Okay, that's cringeworthy on many levels.

[thehod]

I had a co-worker that used to note down what a fellow female co-worker wore to work every day.

A month after starting this, he walked up to her and said "That's a nice blouse. You wore that one three weeks ago with that blue skirt didn't you. Look, I noted it down in my diary."

They don't work together any more.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

When I went to work at a Steakhouse awhile later after McDonalds I had more funny people there to watch and see. One of them... lets call him James was very...very...LOUD. The man had a booming voice and really to me had problems with "voice control".

One day our manager was walking by the front display/grill area where James worked , and there is a microphone near the grill so people can hear you ask how ya want your steak done. So James is there and decides to joke with the manager in front of a few customers.

'HEY , SEAN IS IT OK IF I GET A BLOWJOB WHILE WORKING THE GRILL TODAY !"

The customers , me in the back of the lobby... everyone stopped and turned and looked. I mean had he said it low and all for the manager to hear and not over the mic so everyone in the front could hear and with his loud voicing booming it....maybe he could have got away with asking it.

Sean (our #2 manager) walks over and gets James alone ...

"Are you fucking crazy...everyone could hear ya ..."

There was a big discussion about volume control. But James had problems controlling how loud his voice could be . The decision was to take him off the front display and make him work in the back. Which he hatesd(it was more work) but hell.... there at least the sounds of work and all could drown out his loud voice . :tongue:

[Donald M.]

SuperE's story of Joe reminds me of when I worked at Stop & Shop. There was this guy, can't remember his name so we'll call him Frank. Now, every weekend Frank would ride his bike to New Hampshire, a distance of some 50 miles, to check out his favorite strip club. So, he was kind of an odd guy.

For a time he worked the fish counter and during this time a new employee started working at the nearby deli counter. We'll call her Sally. Sally is ten years older than Frank, married with three kids. Frank and Sally are somehow attracted to one another and embark on a relationship the highlight of which was their being caught on camera having sex in the break room.

Eventually Sally left her husband for Frank and I heard there was a rather sad confrontation in the parking lot during which the husband, about a foot and a half taller and a hundred pounds heavier than Frank, broke down crying.


Then there was the black co-worker who teamed with a known vehement racist to ripoff shrimp from the seafood department. This was all caught on camera and was a great relief to the manager who had been trying to get rid of the racist, the ultra-lazy head of the deli department, for some time.

What gets me is deli guy was selling his share of the shrimp to a local Chinese restaurant, but the other guy kept his share. Why he thought he needed fifty pounds of shrimp for personal use I'll never know.


Then there's the kid who got caught on camera fucking a shopping cart.


Finally, there's this story which involves a co-worker but wasn't really about anything she did. She had the most incredible pair of legs I've ever had the privilege of laying eyes on and loved to show them off, thus catching the attention of one of our regular customers, a 70 year cross-dresser with a beard that would put a crazy prospector to shame and for some reason always had a piece of tape with a swastika drawn on it wrapped around one arm of the filthy dress her always wore.

Anyway, one day El Crazo hands my leggy co-worker a love note in which he expresses his desire to have a sex change so they can be lesbians together.

Now, the sex change/lesbian deal no longer strikes me as odd as it did ten years ago, but it's still rather strange coming from a cross-dressing Neo-Nazi who looks like Gabby Hayes.

[Mermaid]

wow you guys have had waay more interesting co-workers than me!


I think the trouble with co -workers you don't get on with is unfortunately you quite often have to spend more time with them than you do with your loved ones! That can pretty tough if you don't get on with someone. Trust me i've had a few of those!

[RBishop]

I was employed as a manager for a chain of bagel shops for about a year and a half and had my share of interesting employees/coworkers.

At one store in a small town, I had a high school girl who worked the counter for me for whom the word "loose" did not even come close. One incident, confirmed independently by four sources including two of my male employees who were involved, was when she and her best friend were the stat keepers for the local HS boy's basketball team. After practice one day, once the coaches had left, the two girls lined up the eleven guys on the team, freshmen on the ends to seniors in the middle, and starting at opposite ends, gave blowjobs to completion to the guys while racing to see who could finish off more; she won, by a wide margin, getting off seven of the guys to her friend's four.

Another incident, widely rumored but never confirmed, was that this same girl had sex with her boyfriend's pet cocker spaniel after he and his friends collected and paid her over $500 so they could watch her do it.

At another store, I had a fairly-hot 16-year-old counter girl who hated working Saturday nights. As the only male manager there, she offered me blowjobs every week in exchange for not being scheduled on Saturdays. Since I had to work a certain number of evenings and she was one of my only evening options, I had to deal with this for the entire five months I was at that store. Had she been 18 and not in high school, I might have taken her up on the offer, but no way was I touching jailbait.

Last interesting one was at another location near a college where one of the female managers was bisexual and used to hook-up with girls in the stockroom during slow periods and after hours. She was pretty attractive and it was apparently widely-known around campus that she was very skilled at performing oral on women, so the bi-curious sorority girls would come by in the evenings around closing and get it on with this manager, leaving myself and rest of the crew to close up the store while they were moaning and groaning in the back. I never said anything to the district manager because, hey, I had legitimate reason to be in the back of the store at closing and could watch occasionally; never did get to participate though, much to my disappointment.

[Michael P]

At one store in a small town, I had a high school girl who worked the counter for me for whom the word "loose" did not even come close. One incident, confirmed independently by four sources including two of my male employees who were involved, was when she and her best friend were the stat keepers for the local HS boy's basketball team. After practice one day, once the coaches had left, the two girls lined up the eleven guys on the team, freshmen on the ends to seniors in the middle, and starting at opposite ends, gave blowjobs to completion to the guys while racing to see who could finish off more; she won, by a wide margin, getting off seven of the guys to her friend's four.


So did they keep stats?

[RBishop]

So did they keep stats?
I left that store, and the restaurant industry as a whole, about three months after that incident came to light, so it might have been an ongoing thing but I'll never know.

[Shellhead]

Okay, that's cringeworthy on many levels.

It would have been completely humiliating if I had been wearing my McDonalds uniform, but I was wearing normal clothes at the time.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

While at the steakhouse , one manager came in as our new #1 Guy. His name was Tom . Now Tom had one problem...he hated to delegate others to small tasks. And as a buddy told me who was a #4-#5 manager there said , "Tom hated to trust others with work. 90% of the paperwork he did alone , he could give it to us to do , skim it....and turn it in. Instead he'd wanna do it all himself."

Tom thought being the BIG CHIEF in charge under the owner of the franchise made him believe all decisions and shit was his deal. Not realizing....you have 4 other managers there besides you. They are supposed to handle things on a level.

Plus he was an idiot at times. Like when me and 2 other managers worked up the store order (food , condiments, other items like TP/etc etc) . Now usually on holidays we got a big order. But for a normal week/day ....the orders were small. We'd get 3 trucks a week. So the need to order past 300-500 units on a slow week was slim. Because we'd get 3 trucks a week to handle it.

So were sittin getting ready for the truck as i have the paper in my hands. Truck was my responsibility and I'd grab 2 from other places to help. We'd joke as sometimes the guy delivering the food was someone we knew.

"Got ya a big order today. Really big..." the guy laughed.

"Yeah 476 units. Debby (manager) done told me what were getting."

"No... ..no your new manager Tom made some changes. Heres your food order now." he says handing me paperwork. My eyes nearly popped....there on the food list is 900+ items. HOLY FUCK.

I get Debby in quick order and were all sitting there debating it. The guy delivering it from the truck can't turn around and take it back. He has deliveries to make to other steak houses in WV. Were stuck with it .

Debby told me I had the whole day to figure out how to get a store that can barely fit 600+ items will now handle a 900+ shipment. So for hours I was busting down boxes , making room. I took nearly the entire freezer . I then took the walk in and moved items that were being prepped to cook that day.

Tom walks by as im taking sections of the store for dry stock (napkins/salt/etc etc) and using them to store goods.

"Richard , if your having trouble with this , ill just get someone new to handle it." he says arrogantly. I had a can of peas in my hand and was arching to throw em at his head ...as Debby shook her head no.

After 4-5 hours....and taking nearly every spare spot in the store and stacking goods there and crunching boxes and making room for things....I was finished. Debby thanked me for working so hard to solve the problem. Even she admitted she had no clue where the items could possibly go and all.

I think my skills as a comic book collector , always making room , stacking things and making more room helped me there. It was the 1st and last big order we ever got from Tom. He never took part in a food order again as Debby wouldn't give him the list. :tongue:

[sweetdreams]

I worked at a kiosk in Sears for Christmas one year. The Hickory farms kid seemed cool and would hang out when it was super slow.

So he asks if I'll make him up some free business cards. I told him I'd make him the cards, but it cost almost nothing and it would be on me. So I made them and paid for it.

Shortly after this, the cute as heck security guy comes and hangs out and casually mentions that the bubble right over my kiosk is a camera. I'd never noticed it. (Suddenly you start to wonder if you've pulled your panties out of your crack or picked at your nose or what, assuming that no one was around.) And cute security gaurd starts seeming kind of creepy.

Then about a week later the Hickory Farms kid disappears. He'd been giving all sorts of stuff to his friends, no surprise. I guess they call the cops and I don't know if he gets arrested or what, but it was a huge deal.

Then my bf, who was an artist, comes by the kiosk and right after he leaves the boss says to me "You know you have to watch out who you associate with."

:eek: :eek: :eek: are you kidding me?

So it's a toss up on that one. I've worked with much, much worse though, all kinds of illegal, that actually make that seem really tame.

There was the time, the other apartment housekeeper asked me to fill in on an apt. but fails to mention that it is because the gangbangers next door have a problem with her competing with them at selling crank in the complex, both of us being about the same height, weight and with blonde hair and ponytails. thanks so much.

[RolandJP]

Worked retail for an electronic chain. I had a co-worker that could hypnotize people.

He was 6 foot 4, crystal blue eyes, handsome man. Women would do whatever he said.

One time a lady came to buy a battery kit for her cell phone. Lets just say in the end she wound up flashing her naked breasts at him near the electronic service center.

[Athena Bast]

I came in one morning when I worked for McDonald's to find the people that closed the night before made a snowman in the freezer.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Another Tom story at the Steakhouse was the moment that led to him leaving the restraunt and having the owner step in.

It was a Friday and as usual I was asked to work the back all of a sudden. We were running outta salad prep on a busy day and they asked me to cut things up ASAP. Tom had barely left his office that day and we all were kinda pleased.

Its when he left his office in a bad mood (remember how I said he never allowed anyone else to do paper work above...well it had its effect) after staying 18-22 hours at work. Some nights he'd sleep all night there. So his mood was not nice.

He walks to the front and a server and her husband/bf are leaving . She was getting off from work and Tom started in. Seems he had been flirting with her some and then he started asking if she could stay and work longer. (Even though as one girl told me...we had enough servers and this girl didn't have to stay)

The server was wanting to get home and so was her man. Then Tom's attitude pissed off the husband/bf . He told Tom he better go back in his office and get outta his face. The other managers ran over (did I forget to mention we were busy as fuck?) to break this up.

Baxter (our one manager) had cooled the guy down. He even said she could have Saturday off and come back Sunday to work. Baxter said he was defusing it and telling them it was cool as it was getting close to breaking loose.

Tom never listened. He said something else to this pissed off guy and finally the guy had enough. He came over and knocked Tom straight on his ass with a punch. Baxter was begging the guy to not kill him....as they took Tom to the office.

It became a huge joke among us and Baxter and others said , had Tom backed off and not said a word to this guy...he was ready to walk. Tom never came out. We finished working and all and the next day us core team members (I was part of the core team) was asked to meet and have a vote with the owner.

"I really don't have time for this. I will make this short and sweet. Its up to you...do I replace Tom with Charlie (our ex- #1 Manager who weirdly left and what we hated) or do I keep Tom ?"

It was pretty much a 7-0 vote for Charlie. But don't feel sad for Tom. As Dilbert or Drew Carey joked , you don't fail in this corporate structure. Tom was transfered to another steakhouse to be a #1 there. :tongue:

[PympMyQuinjet]

Worked retail for an electronic chain. I had a co-worker that could hypnotize people.

He was 6 foot 4, crystal blue eyes, handsome man. Women would do whatever he said.

One time a lady came to buy a battery kit for her cell phone. Lets just say in the end she wound up flashing her naked breasts at him near the electronic service center.

I must learn his ways.

[Spike-X]

I came in one morning when I worked for McDonald's to find the people that closed the night before made a snowman in the freezer.
I came in one morning to find that my boots had been glued to the floor.

I was cursing and laffing simultaneously.

[dupersuper]

I was employed as a manager for a chain of bagel shops for about a year and a half and had my share of interesting employees/coworkers.

At one store in a small town, I had a high school girl who worked the counter for me for whom the word "loose" did not even come close. One incident, confirmed independently by four sources including two of my male employees who were involved, was when she and her best friend were the stat keepers for the local HS boy's basketball team. After practice one day, once the coaches had left, the two girls lined up the eleven guys on the team, freshmen on the ends to seniors in the middle, and starting at opposite ends, gave blowjobs to completion to the guys while racing to see who could finish off more; she won, by a wide margin, getting off seven of the guys to her friend's four.

Another incident, widely rumored but never confirmed, was that this same girl had sex with her boyfriend's pet cocker spaniel after he and his friends collected and paid her over $500 so they could watch her do it.

At another store, I had a fairly-hot 16-year-old counter girl who hated working Saturday nights. As the only male manager there, she offered me blowjobs every week in exchange for not being scheduled on Saturdays. Since I had to work a certain number of evenings and she was one of my only evening options, I had to deal with this for the entire five months I was at that store. Had she been 18 and not in high school, I might have taken her up on the offer, but no way was I touching jailbait.

Last interesting one was at another location near a college where one of the female managers was bisexual and used to hook-up with girls in the stockroom during slow periods and after hours. She was pretty attractive and it was apparently widely-known around campus that she was very skilled at performing oral on women, so the bi-curious sorority girls would come by in the evenings around closing and get it on with this manager, leaving myself and rest of the crew to close up the store while they were moaning and groaning in the back. I never said anything to the district manager because, hey, I had legitimate reason to be in the back of the store at closing and could watch occasionally; never did get to participate though, much to my disappointment.

Your resume reads like a Penthouse forum letter...

Worked retail for an electronic chain. I had a co-worker that could hypnotize people.

He was 6 foot 4, crystal blue eyes, handsome man. Women would do whatever he said.

One time a lady came to buy a battery kit for her cell phone. Lets just say in the end she wound up flashing her naked breasts at him near the electronic service center.

I wish I could say I'd be classier if I could hypnotize people...I really do...

I remember my managers back when I worked at a certain call center all fell into 1 of 2 groups; younger (20's and 30's, for some reason usually guys) managers who did their jobs but knew it was a crappy job and didn't bother with the silly corporate mandates any more than they had to, and older lifers (30's-50's, for some reason usually women), who'd decided this was their career and took everything far too seriously for my tastes. 1 from the latter group was especially anal. Before every shift they had "pre-shift meetings"; useless meetings where they mostly repeated the same things over and over (stuff like "...and some people still aren't turning off their computers when they leave..."), for these unpaid lessons in futility you were supposed to be there 10 minutes before the shift started, and if you were a minute late you could see the supervisor in question look up at the clock and write your name down...and your eyes would roll.

Also, nothing to do with any specific employee, but there was a survey we did about the lottery that was the worst thought out survey I'd ever encountered. The openning speil said it took 10 minutes (a lie), and all you needed to qualify was to have played a ticket in the past year, so people who didn't give a rats a$$ about the lotto got sucked in if they got 1 in a birthday card or something, and, worst of all, there was a horrible section on what games you've played. For EVERY TICKET available in my area, you asked the person FIRST have you ever played ____ ticket, THEN have you played it in the past year. You had to read this as written; you could not skip the second question if they said no to the 1st. They never set it up so the survey skips it, or just switched the order of the questions, so there were about 15 qustions you had to go through even though it made you sound like a moron. Usually, after the 3rd or 4th, the person answering would start to get pissed. We lost A LOT of respondents at this point. It was pathetic.

[Spike-X]

Worked retail for an electronic chain. I had a co-worker that could hypnotize people.

He was 6 foot 4, crystal blue eyes, handsome man. Women would do whatever he said.

One time a lady came to buy a battery kit for her cell phone. Lets just say in the end she wound up flashing her naked breasts at him near the electronic service center.

I was employed as a manager for a chain of bagel shops for about a year and a half and had my share of interesting employees/coworkers.

At one store in a small town, I had a high school girl who worked the counter for me for whom the word "loose" did not even come close. One incident, confirmed independently by four sources including two of my male employees who were involved, was when she and her best friend were the stat keepers for the local HS boy's basketball team. After practice one day, once the coaches had left, the two girls lined up the eleven guys on the team, freshmen on the ends to seniors in the middle, and starting at opposite ends, gave blowjobs to completion to the guys while racing to see who could finish off more; she won, by a wide margin, getting off seven of the guys to her friend's four.

Another incident, widely rumored but never confirmed, was that this same girl had sex with her boyfriend's pet cocker spaniel after he and his friends collected and paid her over $500 so they could watch her do it.

At another store, I had a fairly-hot 16-year-old counter girl who hated working Saturday nights. As the only male manager there, she offered me blowjobs every week in exchange for not being scheduled on Saturdays. Since I had to work a certain number of evenings and she was one of my only evening options, I had to deal with this for the entire five months I was at that store. Had she been 18 and not in high school, I might have taken her up on the offer, but no way was I touching jailbait.

Last interesting one was at another location near a college where one of the female managers was bisexual and used to hook-up with girls in the stockroom during slow periods and after hours. She was pretty attractive and it was apparently widely-known around campus that she was very skilled at performing oral on women, so the bi-curious sorority girls would come by in the evenings around closing and get it on with this manager, leaving myself and rest of the crew to close up the store while they were moaning and groaning in the back. I never said anything to the district manager because, hey, I had legitimate reason to be in the back of the store at closing and could watch occasionally; never did get to participate though, much to my disappointment.

Well, shit. My story sounds kinda boring now.

[sweetdreams]

I came in one morning when I worked for McDonald's to find the people that closed the night before made a snowman in the freezer.


Now, that's just cute. I like that.

[RolandJP]

For those who thought my hypno co-worker story was BS. Here is a quick Hypnotizing trick to win you a free beer.


First bet someone you can hypnotize them for a beer.

Then tell them you will hypnotize them to keep their eyes shut without touching them.

Proceed to put them under:

Tell them to look upward toward the sky. Then tell them to close their eyes shut as tight as possible--while continuing to look up. Ask them are they keeping their eyes shut? Are they looking up?

Then Command them to open their eyes. They will not be able to.

Collect beer.
Toast with a thank you--for the free beer excelsior. :smile:

[sHayden]

Old job..guy gets a puncture wound in his leg and stuffs it with napkins. Everybody tells him to go get stitches. He won't. A week later at work, the scab breaks and blood is pooling all around his foot and he freaks out. All first aid responders refuse to help.
This is the guy who also spilled boiling water on his foot and kept it wrapped in a baby wipe all day to heal/disinfect it.

[RBishop]

Your resume reads like a Penthouse forum letter...
What can I say? I worked with some seriously screwed-up people in the restaurant industry, moreso than I have ever encountered since I moved on and got into the business realm.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

One of the funniest stories actually happened to my sister...where she works. Its a gamblin place (little poker machines) and all. I usually would stop by and hang out at the one place she 1st worked at. She was thinkin of gettin me a job there for awhile. But the owner even though he liked my sister , said he had rules against relatives working and with her being a manager at the time ...he felt she would give me favortism .

So he said maybe if she ever went to another one , he'd hire me. I understood and on my off-days would stop and hang at the place , chat with some of the girls there...and the owner if he was there. He was a cool guy. Then one day he sold the place. Him and his wife owned it and sold it.

My sisters problem started soon in. As the manager she was on a set salary with healthcare and all. She worked a set number of hours , would be asked to clean the machines , make runs to the bank ....etc etc. Well this new older woman (lets call her Judy) was hired. She actually had came in and worked under the last good owner...(the one that liked my sister).

Within weeks Judy became "Buddy/Buddy" with the new owner. The new owner in turn started to put the screws to my sister and her management skills. Never mind that my sister had never had 1 problem running the place. She knew everyone ...and the biggest complaint she had once was over sleeping at 8am open... (she showed up at 8:30) .

A deal was made with whoever bought the place...my sister stayed on. Thats what the good owner said when he sold it. So the new guy had to keep her. He told her he'd demote her as manager and keep her original salary/deal in place. My sister was like..."Ok cool , less responsibility ,same pay...sure..."

What shocked my sister was Judy became manager. And within days she started making the schedule and doing things to screw with my sister. Nevermind she wouldn't have had the job if my sister hadn't said "hire her". Judy started taking more time with a new female worker she hired and would go off and dissapear for hours.

Now my sister told me "This is wrong , as manager your supposed to make these runs sure. But not be gone from the store this long."

She voiced her problems with the new owner who dismissed it all. Take it up with Judy he'd say. My sister joked.... "Well , she's never here to take it up with. Its like she got the position and im still doing the same job."

Within 8 months new owner suddenly annouced he was selling it back to the old great owner my sister liked. The cool guy. Of course the old owner joked with my sister : "Yeah he lost his ass big time on running this place , he put his trust in the wrong people."

Judy and this female worker ...never showed up. In fact the old owner barred them from the place. Saying if they show up , tell her she's fired.

Now my sister told me she couldn't prove it. But the rumors at work was Judy and this new girl she had hired were embezzling and pulling some other shady deals. Either way the 2 never came back to the place , my sister became manager yet again.... til the old owner a year and half later ...sold it again....:tongue:

[giovedi]

I've had a lot of crazy co-workers, but this particular incident, I will never forget:

I worked retail for less than a month. I did all the price changes, but the department I was in was mostly 2 cashiers, and the rest were sales people. It was slow that day, so we were talking about current events. It was me and 2 salesmen.

We were talking about Kim Jong Il. One of the sales guys asks "Isn't he the one that did Pearl Harbor?" The other guy and I had a nice laugh about that. So we explain who he is. The response we get is "Oh, well, I don't care about other people's business." He was serious.

Another story I have is when I worked on a military base. I was a graphic designer there, but I didn't have the internet in my office. The secretaries in the front offices, did. We worked in a laid back office with a lot of downtime. So, one of the Secretaries (who was hired the same day I was) was seriously into vampires and goth stuff. She would get around the blocked sites and use the RP chat rooms. Not a big deal, but she would tell everyone. Then she kept following around customers and employees, telling them about her vampire fantasies, other personalities that she was an assassin that was a vampire ("Sometimes I can see the glimmer in my eyes... and I know 'she's' there"... she told me that once.) She's write vampire smut on the government computers, then leave the Word document open hoping someone would read it. This was before the Twilight craze hit.

tl;dr: If you're into vampire smut, don't leave your fanfic open or announce to the office you got around the internet restrictions.

[Noir_Dark]

I work at a mine. Everyone shares an area called 'the dry' Its basically a big dry room where everyone can hang up their wet clothes after a shift. About six months ago I brought in a new pair of boots, worked my shift, then hung up my boots just like every other shift. The next morning- I walk into the dry put on my boots and noticed that my new boots seemed a little less snug than then I remembered from the day before. No big deal. New boots often feel strange.
About a week later. They seemed even bigger, a lot bigger. I put them on and took a short walk. These were not my boots. A glance at the tag confirmed my suspicions. Someone had switched my size 10 and a 1/2 with a size 13.
As it turned out, a co-worker of mine noticed that I and another worker had bought the exact same boot on the same day. So he waited for us to finish our shift then exchanged my 10 and 1/2 with his 11 and a 1/2. Then about a week later he noticed someone else with a size 13 and made the switch again.
Wasn't bad for me but the poor guy who usually wears 13 had to fit into the 11 and a 1/2.
We straightened everything out and everyone got their boots back. A couple days later I peppered the inside rim of his hard hat with some industrial strength red dye . So for the next week he had a red stripe across his forehead.

[dupersuper]

For those who thought my hypno co-worker story was BS. Here is a quick Hypnotizing trick to win you a free beer.


Screw beer, I want the boob trick!