The Return of Vartox!!!!

[WorstThingUS]

I was just thinking about Vartox and his gay porn look while looking at old Superman covers for another thread when lo and behold the cover of the upcoming Power Girl #7:

http://i.livescience.com/images/power_girl_07.jpg

http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/superman/281-1.jpg

I may actually have to...look at this in the store.

[Melfice]

Haha I'm looking forward to this one ;)

[WorstThingUS]

Haha I'm looking forward to this one ;)

I wonder if they'll keep the previous Vartox stories in continuity. Though sad, it'd be hysterical:

PG: Um, Clark? It's Kara. No, the other one. Look, there's some guy here hitting on me says he knows you. Some kinda space cop. No, not Hal Jordan. I know who Hal Jordan is. Kinda looks like a middle-aged porn star. Yeah, Vartox. That's his name. What's his deal? A new beard? Ohhh, now it all makes sense. Thanks.

[Melfice]

I wonder if they'll keep the previous Vartox stories in continuity. Though sad, it'd be hysterical:

PG: Um, Clark? It's Kara. No, the other one. Look, there's some guy here hitting on me says he knows you. Some kinda space cop. No, not Hal Jordan. I know who Hal Jordan is. Kinda looks like a middle-aged porn star. Yeah, Vartox. That's his name. What's his deal? A new beard? Ohhh, now it all makes sense. Thanks.

LOL classic man classic indeed!

[Zembo]

Vartox (http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2009/03/12/thursday-whos-who-vartox/), baby! Respect the Sombrero Galaxy!

[KET]

Needs more hair on his chest. :biggrin:

[Infernorhythm]

Is this like some Zardoz parody? I see that and all I can think of is Sean Connery from that movie.

[Slaughter]

How gay and insane you have to be to walk around like this? Or alternatively, maybe he's so gay-looking the gayness converts to manliness? He probrably has "The Power of Manliness" amongst his 600-hundred hyper-powers. The guy was so full of powers it made Silver Age Martian Manhunter look like a normal man in comparison.

[Static-Pulse]

Statistically speaking, it was conceivable that other people liked Matter Eater Lad's fashion sense. I just unconsciously hoped it'd never be in a book I was buying.

[CBikle]

Even though I've dropped the title, I'll probably pick up the issues of this storyline.

Vartox is such a stupid, stupid character, but I love the guy.

I remember that he always entered the story sucker-punching Superman because of a "misunderstanding".

[Duy]

Is this like some Zardoz parody? I see that and all I can think of is Sean Connery from that movie.
Yes, though I don't remember the site where this was confirmed.

Seeing Connery in that outfit is even more traumatic.

[Ms. M]

Just when I thought they had revived every past Superman character banished by the reboot, they bring this guy back. And in the same costume!

On another note, if that cover is suggesting a possible Power Girl/Doctor Mid-nite romance, then I approve.

[carabas]

Yes, though I don't remember the site where this was confirmed.

Seeing Connery in that outfit is even more traumatic.They're both from 1974. November 1974 in Vartox's case.
http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a288/Gugenheimer/zardoz.jpg

[Name Already Taken]

I stopped pouring bleach on my eyes and decided to drink it straight up and get this over with after seeing that picture.

Thanks Carabas. That pic scared even my reflection away before it cracked the mirror.

[Bored at 3:00AM]

He'll be right at home in the Power Girl comic.

[carabas]

I stopped pouring bleach on my eyes and decided to drink it straight up and get this over with after seeing that picture.

Thanks Carabas. That pic scared even my reflection away before it cracked the mirror.Don't mention it. Always glad to lend a hand :biggrin:

[DarkKnghtJared]

OH. MY. GOD.

...That is so horrible it's become inverted into awesomeness.

[BYC]

And people complain about female costumes. Yeesh.

[dupersuper]

Didn't he have a slightly less rediculous costume in 1999?

[Sanlear]

I stopped pouring bleach on my eyes and decided to drink it straight up and get this over with after seeing that picture.

Thanks Carabas. That pic scared even my reflection away before it cracked the mirror.Must....scrub....brain.....

[Crisis]

i'm sorry i was licking my screen...what?:biggrin:

[DarkKnghtJared]

Didn't he have a slightly less rediculous costume in 1999?

I really can't imagine him being awesome with a costume that is any less rediculous.

[superchick]

And people complain about female costumes. Yeesh.

And that costume on a fat, hairy woman is nothing like a bustier on wonder woman ;)

[Vic Vega]

How embarrassing is that costume?

Tyroc is ashamed to be seen with him!

Extrano thinks he’s too campy!

Damien wants to be just like him when he grows up!

[Lightbend]

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:UYPS0mIe0c0xgM:http://www.dennishollingsworth.us/archives/images/Zardoz022005.jpg
Yeah, you know the rest.

I WAS going to follow that with "The Penis is Evil!" but I can't paste images.

Hence, joke died.

I'm very sorry.






Okay.

[Jmacq1]

On another note, if that cover is suggesting a possible Power Girl/Doctor Mid-nite romance, then I approve.

This.

There have been a couple tiny teases way back when about Mid-nite and Power Girl. But mostly I approve because Mid-Nite is awesome, and sometimes seems to get back-burnered in JSA, or sideline as just "The Medic."

He also got undeservedly burned by Black Canary when Ollie got resurrected (though at least she was honest with him and herself about it).

[naglfar]

At last, the greatest pre-crisis hero has returned, all kneel before the thigh-booted god of machismo, the champion of Valeron(before he accidentally destroyed it) and the man who is bringing 'taches back to the Milky Way.

Yes, Vartox did appear in three post-crisis comics in a new costume that featured neither thigh-boots nor his manly chest coverage, thank god he still had the moustache or it would have been a complete joke.

It's good to see that Vartox has returned in the spirit in which he was intended, I can't wait to read this. I imagine Sean Connery will also be pleased that his legacy lives on, surviving ridicule and a crisis on infinite Earths, to captivate and amaze a new generation. Maybe this heralds the end of the girly-boy metrosexual superheroes of modern times and the return to the real super-MEN of old.

[gwydion]

I bet Power Girl bursts into laughter when she sees him!:biggrin: Just can't stop laughing for the entire arc...:wink:

[Free-Man]

I wonder how he would plan on marrying her in the first place.

[FemGeek]

I wonder how he would plan on marrying her in the first place.

Clearly, by punching out a blind guy, what woman doesn't love that.
Ugh, Vartox, I bet PG will be unable to make eye-contact with him.

[Free-Man]

Clearly, by punching out a blind guy, what woman doesn't love that.
Ugh, Vartox, I bet PG will be unable to make eye-contact with him.

Perhaps it will be something like he forces her by kidnapping Terra or one of her friends. And let's not pretend that smug SOB Mid-Nite didn't have it coming.:tongue:

[Spiffy]

I was just thinking about Vartox and his gay porn look while looking at old Superman covers for another thread when lo and behold the cover of the upcoming Power Girl #7:

http://i.livescience.com/images/power_girl_07.jpg

http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/superman/281-1.jpg

I may actually have to...look at this in the store.


Amanda Connor is my heroine. This is HILARIOUS! (and a great tribute too)

[Spiffy]

Didn't he have a slightly less rediculous costume in 1999?

It's more of a maroon than a "red", now isn't it? :evilsmile:

[naglfar]

Clearly this story arc is going to end when Power Girl realizes that Vartox is far too much man for her to handle and he realizes that she is right.

[gwydion]

The arc ends when Vartox realizes that he is in fact gay, and should have not hit the only other guy on that cover...

[WorstThingUS]

The arc ends when Vartox realizes that he is in fact gay, and should have not hit the only other guy on that cover...

Actually the caption should read, "How dare you refuse the advances of Vartox for this blonde hussy!?! And to think, I wore my new boots for you!"

There's a preview at Newsarama:

http://www.newsarama.com/php/multimedia/album.php?aid=32455

I hate, hate, hate, that I'm probably going to pick this up just because I own the original Superman comic.

And just to be a continuity annoyance, but shouldn't they have noticed New Krypton and Supergirl?

[Stressfactor]

And just to be a continuity annoyance, but shouldn't they have noticed New Krypton and Supergirl?Why?

And just reading the preview to this I'm already hearing stuff like this in my head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlzlNpttvVM

Which is funny as hell.

In a good way.

[WorstThingUS]

Why?



I don't know, because nothing is less funny than Vartox hitting on 50,000 women who can punch a hole in the moon.

[Captain Smith]

A contraceptive bomb - now that's getting a bit out there. I suppose the Vatican would oppose it.

[Thok]

I wonder how the WW forums are going to react to the appearance/death of a character who appears in this issue.

It's the Blue Snowman. Really.

[Kid Kamikaze10]

I wonder how the WW forums are going to react to the appearance/death of a character who appears in this issue.

It's the Blue Snowman. Really.


Personally, that was the funniest return and death I've seen in a while.


True Herald will probably hate it. LOL.

[gwydion]

Hell, the whole issue was far funnier than I'd thought it would be---I like that they finally went for it and did an outright comedy issue. Did pretty well too. Never thought I'd like Vartox...:tongue:

[Stressfactor]

I laughed so hard all the way through. Funniest comic I've read since Joss Whedon's "Sugar Shock".

[40footwolf]

Delightful.

[Christopher Cross Is God]

And just to be a continuity annoyance, but shouldn't they have noticed New Krypton and Supergirl?


That would probably be explained away by Vartox's devices being advanced enough to detect Powergirl and her origins, but screwy enough to not get up-to-date data, just yet, about New Krypton & Supergirl.

[Nyssane]

Blue Snowman must return. :frown:

[Vic Vega]

This was fun.

Now I want a buddy book featuring Groovicus Mellow and General Peacemonger. :biggrin:

[WorstThingUS]

I'm a little disappointed there wasn't a single joke about previous visits to Earth and dealing with Superman.

Actually, I get the feeling Vartox's previous history was retconned away. His wife's death wasn't exactly comedy friendly and her psychic connection with a woman on earth is clearly too silly for today's ultra-serious comic reader.

[Apathetic-piggy]

I'm a little disappointed there wasn't a single joke about previous visits to Earth and dealing with Superman.

Actually, I get the feeling Vartox's previous history was retconned away. His wife's death wasn't exactly comedy friendly and her psychic connection with a woman on earth is clearly too silly for today's ultra-serious comic reader.

Well, there is always next issue, but I'm not certain that'll pop up there either.

[Danvh3]

Why did the artist give Vartox inner thigh hair?

And why did I look in the first place? :confused:

[Apathetic-piggy]

Why did the artist give Vartox inner thigh hair?

And why did I look in the first place? :confused:

Either you're interested in the human form, secretly have a thing for men resembling Sean Connery's legs, you're not used to seeing it in a comic and your eyes were drawn to the irregularity, it was a color contrast issue, because he's the "hyper male," or one of many other possibilities. Also, some men actually have body hair. Stop the presses, right? Apparently, manly men have manly hair all over their manly bodies in order to be manly. Being the hyper male, naturally Vartox wants to show he's the DCU's Chewbacca. But manlier.

Lots of answers, see?



In all seriousness, though, it's because you love it.



Cheers.

[Danvh3]

Either you're interested in the human form, secretly have a thing for men resembling Sean Connery's legs, you're not used to seeing it in a comic and your eyes were drawn to the irregularity, it was a color contrast issue, because he's the "hyper male," or one of many other possibilities. Also, some men actually have body hair. Stop the presses, right? Apparently, manly men have manly hair all over their manly bodies in order to be manly. Being the hyper male, naturally Vartox wants to show he's the DCU's Chewbacca. But manlier.

Lots of answers, see?



In all seriousness, though, it's because you love it.



Cheers.

I totally dig thigh hair. My wife will be so pleased. :cool:

[Apathetic-piggy]

I totally dig thigh hair. My wife will be so pleased. :cool:

Liberation from leg razors would be something to celebrate indeed. Awesome.

[Danvh3]

Liberation from leg razors would be something to celebrate indeed. Awesome.

This whole thing could be really good for our marriage. I'll tell her tomorrow over cornflakes.

[dupersuper]

I'm a little disappointed there wasn't a single joke about previous visits to Earth and dealing with Superman.

Actually, I get the feeling Vartox's previous history was retconned away. His wife's death wasn't exactly comedy friendly and her psychic connection with a woman on earth is clearly too silly for today's ultra-serious comic reader.

He was reintroduced post-crisis; showed up in Superman 148 and 150.

[Free-Man]

Really liked the cameo from Blue Snowman.

[AllisterH]

I don't know, because nothing is less funny than Vartox hitting on 50,000 women who can punch a hole in the moon.

Eh, IIRC, Vartox pre-Crisis was kicking the ctap out of the "I push planets for fun" Silver Age Superman.

[Sandy Hausler]

This.

There have been a couple tiny teases way back when about Mid-nite and Power Girl. But mostly I approve because Mid-Nite is awesome, and sometimes seems to get back-burnered in JSA, or sideline as just "The Medic."

He also got undeservedly burned by Black Canary when Ollie got resurrected (though at least she was honest with him and herself about it).

I was thinking the same thing almost word for word. Jmacq1, are you sure you're not me?

Sandy Hausler

[WorstThingUS]

Eh, IIRC, Vartox pre-Crisis was kicking the ctap out of the "I push planets for fun" Silver Age Superman.

One Superman is not 50,000 women who don't appreciate your body hair.

[IvCNuB4]

That would probably be explained away by Vartox's devices being advanced enough to detect Powergirl and her origins, but screwy enough to not get up-to-date data, just yet, about New Krypton & Supergirl.

Page 5, panel 2: "Vartox has chosen the fair-haired beauty whose physical endowments best complement his own". Plus he goes on about her being the sole survivor of her universe and her unique genetic lineage.

Sounds to me like Supergirl just didn't make the cut :biggrin:

[gwydion]

Page 5, panel 2: "Vartox has chosen the fair-haired beauty whose physical endowments best complement his own". Plus he goes on about her being the sole survivor of her universe and her unique genetic lineage.

Sounds to me like Supergirl just didn't make the cut :biggrin:

Yep! Lucky her...:biggrin:

[AgPhoenix]

This was fun.

Now I want a buddy book featuring Groovicus Mellow and General Peacemonger. :biggrin:

Why stop there. Imagine the funny if Deadpool and Vartox ever teamed up. Poor Siryn and Power Girl.

[WorstThingUS]

Page 5, panel 2: "Vartox has chosen the fair-haired beauty whose physical endowments best complement his own". Plus he goes on about her being the sole survivor of her universe and her unique genetic lineage.

Sounds to me like Supergirl just didn't make the cut :biggrin:

Translation: Vartox is a boob man.

[Apathetic-piggy]

Translation: Vartox is a boob man.

A bit on the nose, but yes, to put it bluntly. Much like whoever was in charge to canonize her bust size.

[WorstThingUS]

I know it's just nitpicking, but why the hell is Power Girl putting her head to Dr. Midnight's chest to see if he's alive? Superhearing? X-Ray vision? Hello!?!

[gwydion]

I know it's just nitpicking, but why the hell is Power Girl putting her head to Dr. Midnight's chest to see if he's alive? Superhearing? X-Ray vision? Hello!?!

Er, yes, I noticed that one too. I wish they would remember what they character can do in the future.

[IvCNuB4]

Any chance his tunic is lined with lead ?

[WorstThingUS]

Any chance his tunic is lined with lead ?

Which stops super-hearing how?

[IvCNuB4]

Good point ! :biggrin:

[ForEverAncien]

Oh why, why oh....this read has become such a tour of farce, in a fun loving way?

[AdamYJ]

Y'know, if Maxima were still alive, I think we may have found the perfect guy for her. :tongue: :biggrin:

[Walter West]

Is it me, or does Vartox act a lot like Marvel's Hercules from the more whimsical issues of Incredible Herc?

[The Chief5425]

Loved this issue. Usually not much for comedy in my long underwear comics, but yeah, this one brought the funny.

[Stressfactor]

I know it's just nitpicking, but why the hell is Power Girl putting her head to Dr. Midnight's chest to see if he's alive? Superhearing? X-Ray vision? Hello!?!

Cheap excuse to cuddle?

[gwydion]

Cheap excuse to cuddle?


For the win!:tongue:

[The Chief5425]

I wonder how the WW forums are going to react to the appearance/death of a character who appears in this issue.

It's the Blue Snowman. Really.

Considering the fact that it's a WW rogue--no matter how ancient, obscure or silly--who isn't treated with all the respect of Darkseid armed with the Miracle Machine, they reacted about like you'd expect (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xbjcq4_overreaction-fail_fun).

[Sillia]

And just to be a continuity annoyance, but shouldn't they have noticed New Krypton and Supergirl?

I'm pretty sure that editorial's gone on record saying PG's book is out of continuity (for now), in order to better establish itself first. I'm actually very happy for that reason; it's allowing me to enjoy a really fun book without needing to spend a lot of time and money tracking down all the other references to stuff I don't know (or care) about.

--S

[gwydion]

I'm pretty sure that editorial's gone on record saying PG's book is out of continuity (for now), in order to better establish itself first. I'm actually very happy for that reason; it's allowing me to enjoy a really fun book without needing to spend a lot of time and money tracking down all the other references to stuff I don't know (or care) about.

--S

No, they haven't said that the Power Girl book is out of continuity, simply that they are ignoring WONK to "establish" Power Girl, (though as I've stated elsewhere, there are ways to do both).

[WorstThingUS]

Y'know, if Maxima were still alive, I think we may have found the perfect guy for her. :tongue: :biggrin:

You may get your wish. It's been suggested that it wasn't really Maxima that died, but one of her duplicates.

[40footwolf]

Considering the fact that it's a WW rogue--no matter how ancient, obscure or silly--who isn't treated with all the respect of Darkseid armed with the Miracle Machine, they reacted about like you'd expect (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xbjcq4_overreaction-fail_fun).Do you have a link? It seems like it could be worth a chuckle.

[IvCNuB4]

No, they haven't said that the Power Girl book is out of continuity, simply that they are ignoring WONK to "establish" Power Girl, (though as I've stated elsewhere, there are ways to do both).

Right. Dido reiterates that in this recent interview (http://www.newsarama.com/common/media/video/player.php?aid=32600)

[gwydion]

You may get your wish. It's been suggested that it wasn't really Maxima that died, but one of her duplicates.

Meh, they never actually showed Maxima dying, simply her ship exploding. She could have left or been taken away by a great many means before that happened.

[Apathetic-piggy]

Meh, they never actually showed Maxima dying, simply her ship exploding. She could have left or been taken away by a great many means before that happened.


I must have missed the issue, but did she ever hear Superman got married?

[gwydion]

I must have missed the issue, but did she ever hear Superman got married?

Don't recall exactly, but she did go after Aquaman after that happened, but the guy turned out to be a cold fish...

[dupersuper]

I must have missed the issue, but did she ever hear Superman got married?

I don't think she ever knew Supermans secret identity, so no.

[dupersuper]

Meh, they never actually showed Maxima dying, simply her ship exploding. She could have left or been taken away by a great many means before that happened.

Like her loyal ftl transporter bodyguard standing right beside her...

[Apathetic-piggy]

I don't think she ever knew Supermans secret identity, so no.

Would certainly make for an interesting issue, then.