So, my mom has lost her mind ...

[Sabrinaset]

Okay. I put in some extra hours at work and I'm enjoying my day off by taking care of some chores like getting the car an oil change (which was a story in and of itself!) getting groceries, and annoying Kris at work. I come home and start watching my Star Trek Blu-Rays and playing WoW. Now, the only people here are me, the lil bratty brother, and Mom. Dad's off helping fix a friends house, and Kris is still at work.

So, my mom, who works in real estate, goes nuts. She has some kind of curse, sort of like in an old episode of the Twilight Zone, where computers don't seem to work quite as well for her as they do everyone else. Anyway, it seems that she has two 'puters, and one of them can run her real estate proram, but not e-mail, while the other one is the reverse, so she walks from one 'puter to the other all the time. Now, Daddy, Kris, and the Brat, who know 'puter stuff, have tried to help her, but it inevitably never seems to last for long.

Anyway, an hour ago, she bursts into my room asking me if I can make her 'puter work faster because she can't use the real estate program because the 'puter is too slow ... and I have ZERO idea how to do that, as I'm not really computer literate. Kris and Daddy could, but they're not here, and in any event, the Brat is better at computer reprogramming than Kris or Daddy. Anyways, Mom goes and yells at the Brat. She doesn't ask for help, she YELLS. So naturally, he hides in his room (which he usually does anyways) Mom then goes to her first 'puter and kicks it and the monitor over. Then she puts her fist through her bedroom door, THEN kicks holes in the Brats door. THEN she starts screaming and crying for about twenty minutes.

Anyway, Daddy came home, and is sort of still at a loss for words. Kris just came home and asked if Mom did anything in our room. The Brat came out, fixed her 'puter again, and swore he'd never help her again.

Since Mom lost her job, Kris and I have been making up the lost income here, and she's made NO money since going into real estate. My plan was to stay here until my loans were paid off and when my family was out of its financial straits, then kidnap Kris and buy my own house, but maaaan ... I gotta start thinking about moving out now.

[beetlebum]

My unprofessional assessment?

I'd say it was stress.

I get mad and frustrated at my computer when it doesn't work properly.

And plus, I think, ( I might be projecting here) but maybe she's a tad bit resentful that her daughter's doing well, and is successful, while she's not succeeding in her chosen profession?

Maybe that came through.

I don't know much about your mother, except on an entry in your LJ, you once stated that, whenever you try to come to her with things that are bothering you, she somehow tries to turn it around and make it about her.

But this is what I gather, from what little info I have.

[Bo Bo]

Wow. Sorry I don't have anything really helpful to say. I'm just glad she took her frustrations out on objects only. Maybe it's stress, but it definitely sounds like she needs some professional help, especially if it's not the first time. :frown:

[dupont2005]

that sucks. reminds me of how my dad was, and the stress of living with him was more than i could bear. i would hate coming home from work and when i was home i hated leaving my room. hope it works out for you and your family

[Tobias March]

Stress, frustration, feeling cooped up in the house.

I can easily see that.

Hell we've been staying with my folks two months now.....fricking climbing the walls, lemme tell you.

[Free-Man]

I'd just like to go back to your plan. You were gonna kidnap Kris and ransom her? How would that work?:tongue:

[GeorgieGirl]

Staying with the 'rents is the worst. I stayed with mine for six months after my enlistment ended. It was pure hell. Both because I had been living on my own for six years, and they hadn't lived with any of their children in as long. It was an adjustment for all of us.

I'm sure it's kind of the same in your home. Besides, when there are that many people in one home, there's ALWAYS craziness! Hang in there; it's not forever!

[Guest_1001]

Well my advice is probably going to be highly . . . pointless but I definitely think you should stick around at your house. I obviously don't know your mom but today sounds like a very bad day (and that's an understatement) so . . . maybe it's a one-off? In any case, it makes sense for you to stick around until your loans are paid off so you're not snowed under by it later. In spite of the dangers of fists and feet crashing through bedroom doors every so often.

[Corrina]

Yeah, she's lost her job, her sense of identity, her new career is falling apart, and then she couldn't even control her computers.......

Her response was over the top but unless she makes a habit of this, I'd say all this mess just came out at once. She used you guys as punching bags because you're safe--unacceptable, of course, and she needs very much to deal with her stress another way, but it doesn't mean that the situation will stay untenable.

[beetlebum]

Oh yeah, I'd imagine that control is a big part of it.

Recently, I got really angry when a computer that I spent nearly $200 to get fixed, had trouble booting up nearly a week later.

Anyone who's seen my user profile on Facebook read about it, when I hinted at it in my status.

I get the feeling of being frustrated that there are things in life you can't control, and it takes one little thing to set off that trigger in you, and to let it all loose.

You don't ask for much, just for this one thing to work properly. And it doesn't.

Growing up, I had a control freak for a father, and I think I may have unfortunately, acquired my control freak tendencies through learned behaviour.

I've learned to stop engaging in violent outbursts every time I get mad, and I'm slowly but surely, learning to let things go.

Maybe this is just a phase, and if this doesn't happen often, I wouldn't consider moving out of the house yet.

And I think your parents might need the extra income you give them.

[Sabrinaset]

Thanks for the words, everyone, they are ... I have to agree with most of it. Lemee try to play catch up here ...

And plus, I think, ( I might be projecting here) but maybe she's a tad bit resentful that her daughter's doing well, and is successful, while she's not succeeding in her chosen profession?

I don't know much about your mother, except on an entry in your LJ, you once stated that, whenever you try to come to her with things that are bothering you, she somehow tries to turn it around and make it about her.

I dunno about the first part ... she's never seemed resentful about that at all. Now Daddy, HE'S really proud of me and calls me his Retirement Plan (in a nice way!) but then again, he did get seventeen dozen mortgages on the house because of me and I still have a lot of money to repay him as well. But ... mom never seemed to care one way or the other.

But yeah, I can't talk to her about anything. Heck, my flamer supervisor at work is more like mom to me than she is sometimes.

Stress, frustration, feeling cooped up in the house.


Oh yeah that's ANOTHER thing .... she bought a used car after her last one gave up the ghost, and THAT one is a bit of a lemon. Sooo ... she doesn't go out much. See what I mean about her being cursed?

Yeah, she's lost her job, her sense of identity, her new career is falling apart, and then she couldn't even control her computers.......

Her response was over the top but unless she makes a habit of this, I'd say all this mess just came out at once. She used you guys as punching bags because you're safe--unacceptable, of course, and she needs very much to deal with her stress another way, but it doesn't mean that the situation will stay untenable.

And actually, the Brat got the brunt of it. She just screamed at me, and I tried to listen and talk to her even if I don't know how to do anything with 'puters, and then she just lay down on my bed and stayed there in a semi-fetal position for a bit ... then got up and left. I worried a lot about her punching MY doors in. Daddy is putting a new door on the brats room right now as Mom kicked holes through it. I don't think he's happy.

And I think your parents might need the extra income you give them.

Well, that's the other major reason Kris and I are still here. Daddy ... on his salary (he's a teacher) probably would go under if not for Kris and I kicking in. And Samantha is working at Target, but she also just started college, so she's not actually bringing in anything either.

The whole thing just sucks. And I put in 60+ hour weeks, so this may have happened before but I never see it ... or sleep through it.

[Tetsuo_man]

My mom also doesn't really know how to poperly use a computer. Hate that I'm the one whom she askes all the time. I usually don't know what she wants me to do. condolences bree.

[a. non]

*hugs bree*

[mgs]

sounds like stressful times at the house. :frown:
I hope things get better for you and all your family Sabrina.

In my fam, it's the opposite, my dad freaks and my mom is the calming influence.

[Tien Long]

I can definitely sympathize with your mother, since for the past year or so I think I've been going through some of the same issues as her. Having no job and being in a position that seems to lead nowhere are difficult and bitter pills to swallow, especially when everyone else seems to have these questions settled. It's been very difficult to see friends and relatives on definite and clear career paths, becoming doctors, lawyers, and businessmen while still being unsure as what to do yourself. Furthermore, as other posters have mentioned, the move back in with the folks can definitely added more tension. My father especially has made it a point to constantly remind me of what my life should be.

Thus it doesn't surprise me that your mom snapped the way she did. Before I left for China, I was basically angry with everyone in the house, and especially w/ my father, who I argued with constantly. Though I've practiced martial arts and meditation, I still punched walls and table tops, which ultimately led to an injured hand for a good five months. That's the thing about anger. While it hurts other people, it hurts oneself the most. Hopefully your mom will understand that, and reading your descriptions about how she cried afterwards, I think she has an inkling of this idea.

As to what you should do yourself, moving away could be an option. Being away from your mother could help you to focus and calm yourself. Indeed, one of my sisters who still lives at home is able to handle the stress of her life by spending the weekends w/ her boyfriend. Still, I think this only works if one is able to COMPLETELY let go of the negativity you have towards your mom. If you can let go of the anger, hatred, and frustration, then perhaps living on your own could be the best bet. Alternatively, if you don't, well it doesn't matter have far away you run, all of these things will follow you. Indeed, I'm half way around the world, as far away from my problems as I could be, but I act like they're still here.

If you decide to stay, what I can only tell you is to endure. Respond to you mother's anger with a sympathetic compassion. Understand (I mean, REALLY understand) that your mom is going through difficult and painful times. Be sincere (I mean, REALLY sincere) that you love her and care for her, BUT be sincere w/her about how this latest display of anger made you feel. I know, easier said than done.

I apologize for the length of my post and for going off on some tangents. I hope this helps though.

[Sabrinaset]

I can definitely sympathize with your mother, since for the past year or so I think I've been going through some of the same issues as her. Having no job and being in a position that seems to lead nowhere are difficult and bitter pills to swallow, especially when everyone else seems to have these questions settled. It's been very difficult to see friends and relatives on definite and clear career paths, becoming doctors, lawyers, and businessmen while still being unsure as what to do yourself. Furthermore, as other posters have mentioned, the move back in with the folks can definitely added more tension. My father especially has made it a point to constantly remind me of what my life should be.

Thus it doesn't surprise me that your mom snapped the way she did. Before I left for China, I was basically angry with everyone in the house, and especially w/ my father, who I argued with constantly. Though I've practiced martial arts and meditation, I still punched walls and table tops, which ultimately led to an injured hand for a good five months. That's the thing about anger. While it hurts other people, it hurts oneself the most. Hopefully your mom will understand that, and reading your descriptions about how she cried afterwards, I think she has an inkling of this idea.

As to what you should do yourself, moving away could be an option. Being away from your mother could help you to focus and calm yourself. Indeed, one of my sisters who still lives at home is able to handle the stress of her life by spending the weekends w/ her boyfriend. Still, I think this only works if one is able to COMPLETELY let go of the negativity you have towards your mom. If you can let go of the anger, hatred, and frustration, then perhaps living on your own could be the best bet. Alternatively, if you don't, well it doesn't matter have far away you run, all of these things will follow you. Indeed, I'm half way around the world, as far away from my problems as I could be, but I act like they're still here.

If you decide to stay, what I can only tell you is to endure. Respond to you mother's anger with a sympathetic compassion. Understand (I mean, REALLY understand) that your mom is going through difficult and painful times. Be sincere (I mean, REALLY sincere) that you love her and care for her, BUT be sincere w/her about how this latest display of anger made you feel. I know, easier said than done.

I apologize for the length of my post and for going off on some tangents. I hope this helps though.

Oh no, not at all, your post was spot-on and made me think. You really brought up a number of good points there.

I dunno ... I don't really have any choice BUT to stay at this point if only for financial reasons. But Mom ... I love her, but I don't know if I can deal with this if it happens again. But you have helped me understand her a bit better.

Bree

[DungeonmasterJim]

The world's less enjoyable when Bree isn't making smart-alec comments on YABS. :frown:

I hope things get better for you and your family.


DM Jim

[Cam63]

I'm sorry about the situation, Bree.

Here's hoping things turn around soon.

[Major Comma]

Sorry to hear about this Bree.
I hope things get better for you and your family very soon.

[schwamp]

Is Mom depressive or menopausal? Scary that she actually hulked out on the doors in the house. Wifey has struggled with depression and joblessness for several years now. I know she stresses from it. Thing is, when she really needs help from others the most, that seems like the time she gets the craziest and makes it so difficult to be around her, it's impossible to help. Maybe Mom is drifting into this territory? I don't know. I don't mean to be a downer, but punching walls and kicking 'puters? She's an adult. She just sounds like someone who is losing their grip. Hope it isn't what it sounds like, for everyones sake.

[Spike-X]

So, you didn't call the cops, get her kicked out of her own house, and file a restraining order? Because there are plenty of men who have had that done to them for a hell of a lot less than what happened here.

I can't believe so many people here are trying to bend over backwards to try and make excuses for this kind of behaviour just because it's a woman doing it.

"Respond to you mother's anger with a sympathetic compassion"?!?! You're taking the piss, surely.

[Reverend Smooth]

Unfortunately, I'm with Spike-X, but I also acknowledge that I am estranged from my family, so my views on abusive parents are pretty harsh.

I certainly have no patience for a parent who goes after their kids (adult or no) and breaks down doors to get at them.

Sorry if this comes off as dissing your mom; there are reasons underlying what she did, but only part of it is her financial situation. From what I hear about the way she treats you when you have a problem, she needs to grow up. A lot of people are in the same situation as her, and they don't go all chupacabra on their relatives and their house.

[section 8]

Watching helplessly as a parent breaks down completely is one horrible experience. and not one I would wish on anyone. The worst part is looking at this person you care for and realizing they aren't there anymore and all you're left with is just some thing wearing their face.

My heart goes out to you, and i pray this was just an isolated emotional breakdown.

[Guest_1001]

So, you didn't call the cops, get her kicked out of her own house, and file a restraining order? Because there are plenty of men who have had that done to them for a hell of a lot less than what happened here.

I can't believe so many people here are trying to bend over backwards to try and make excuses for this kind of behaviour just because it's a woman doing it.

"Respond to you mother's anger with a sympathetic compassion"?!?! You're taking the piss, surely.

Spike-X, believe me, I understand every single word you're saying because, as a supporter of men's rights, far too many times I've read the exact same scenario you described and had the exact same reaction to it.

But this is definitely a different scenario. Personally, I'm not too bothered about trying to understand why Sabrinaset's mother did it as long as Sabrinaset, Kris, her dad and "The Brat" are all safe. I also think I'd be less inclined to understand if, just for example, Sabrinaset and her brother were still very young and this happened. But I'm not seeing a gender issue here, which is odd because, admittedly, I'm normally the first person to read things the wrong way and say practically the same thing you did.

Although I should point out, I do agree with you on one very major point; I don't condone or accept her violent reaction. Male or female, it sucks.

[Corrina]

Man or woman, there's a difference between whether this is an isolated incident or not or whether the anger was taken out on inanimate objects or not.

From what Bree said, she thinks it was more of an isolated incident. And while I wouldn't condone punching doors and computers and screaming at one's own kid (is your brother underage, Bree?) it doesn't seem like it's a pattern.

So the question becomes what's the best way of preventing it from happening again.

Understanding and getting the person some help in dealing with anger issues would seem a better choice than calling the cops and pressing criminal charges, man or woman.

[Spike-X]

I'm not saying that's what should have happened. I'm glad it didn't, because I agree, that would not be a productive solution.

I'd just like to know where's all this compassion and understanding when a man loses his shit because he's under a lot of stress? Oh, that's right. We're just expected to remain stoic and soldier on and God forbid we ever let the cracks show in any way.

[Aspield]

I can't live with my parents anymore. Even when I stay there, I revert into 12 year old Andy, eat like a pig, and get angry over silly things.

Moving out is a good thing.

It helps alleviate the stress all the way around.

And student loans will always be there. It's just about managing debt -- student loan, mortgage, etc.

GOOD LUCK!

[Guest_1001]

I'm not saying that's what should have happened. I'm glad it didn't, because I agree, that would not be a productive solution.

I'd just like to know where's all this compassion and understanding when a man loses his shit because he's under a lot of stress? Oh, that's right. We're just expected to remain stoic and soldier on and God forbid we ever let the cracks show in any way.

Again, I agree. When women do something wrong, there seems to be an attempt to understand why she did it. When men do something wrong, there is a knee-jerk judgemental reaction about how much of a he is.

But no matter how wrong that reaction is, the way to solve it isn't to be [I]more judgemental on the woman. It's for everyone else to be less judgemental on the man. Basically, the next time a judgemental reaction to something a man does comes up on the YABS board, the two of us can be there and say "wait a minute, look at this thread . . . you don't think that's a sexist double-standard, boys and girls?"

Now though? I don't think it really applies. This does seem to be a one-off and, although Sabrinaset's mom's actions were horrible, hopefully she'll own up to doing something wrong and learn from her mistakes.

[Major Comma]

maybe the answer here is starting small.
Bree,
Try to become a sounding board for your Mom.
Let her talk to you about her day.
Seek her out to ask her about it on a daily basis.
If she gets angry, remain silent until she is finished.
It may not sound like much but over time you might teach her another way to interact with you.
I would imagine it will take awhile though and much discipline on your part.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Yowza....that is some powerful stress , Sabrina. I do think its great your trying to help your parents and family out. You should sit and talk with your mom and try and help her get a handle on her stress and what she did. Maybe she needs a family sit down ya know.

[Sabrinaset]

Catch-up post time!

Is Mom depressive or menopausal? ... but punching walls and kicking 'puters? She's an adult. She just sounds like someone who is losing their grip. Hope it isn't what it sounds like, for everyones sake.

Posy-menopausal. Kris asked me that yesterday. She also pointed out, almost word for word, what you just said. Yeah, while she was in the middle of all that, I was thinking, among other things, "I'd expect this from a two-year old!"

So, you didn't call the cops, get her kicked out of her own house, and file a restraining order? Because there are plenty of men who have had that done to them for a hell of a lot less than what happened here.

I actually do see the point you're making, but I thought it was more the product of a nervous breakdown than abusive behavior.

I certainly have no patience for a parent who goes after their kids (adult or no) and breaks down doors to get at them.

Sorry if this comes off as dissing your mom; there are reasons underlying what she did, but only part of it is her financial situation. From what I hear about the way she treats you when you have a problem, she needs to grow up. A lot of people are in the same situation as her, and they don't go all chupacabra on their relatives and their house.

Nah, go ahead and diss her ... right now I don't have a whole lot of respect for her myself, and she does need to grow up. From where I was standing she looked more like she was just taking out her anger ON the door rather than trying to break INTO it ... although from where my brother was, I bet it felt a lot different. When she was doing that I was with her asking her to calm down.

Man or woman, there's a difference between whether this is an isolated incident or not or whether the anger was taken out on inanimate objects or not.

From what Bree said, she thinks it was more of an isolated incident. And while I wouldn't condone punching doors and computers and screaming at one's own kid (is your brother underage, Bree?) it doesn't seem like it's a pattern.

So the question becomes what's the best way of preventing it from happening again.

Understanding and getting the person some help in dealing with anger issues would seem a better choice than calling the cops and pressing criminal charges, man or woman.

Well, mom didn't touch either of us. A kind of ominous thing the brat said was that mom didn't go after me as much because I have guns. Luckily, no one but Kris knows where I hid the one in my room, and mom will never find it. (Big hint to everyone out there: carve a small hole in the wall, then cover it up with a fake electrical outlet. Works every time)

The brat is under 18, but not by much.

maybe the answer here is starting small.
Bree,
Try to become a sounding board for your Mom.
Let her talk to you about her day.


The thing is, I DO try to listen to her while I'm there. I mean, whatever else she is ... she's my mom. If she had wanted to talk, I would have turned off the TV and listened, but she just came in screaming. What Beeb referenced awhile back was, when I need to talk to mom, she always turns it around to talking about herself.

Yowza....that is some powerful stress , Sabrina. I do think its great your trying to help your parents and family out. You should sit and talk with your mom and try and help her get a handle on her stress and what she did. Maybe she needs a family sit down ya know.

Daddy and Sam are doing that now; I was talking to her but just left. My brother is spending the week with a friend ... we wouldn't have even known unless he has sent Sam and I an e-mail this morning. I don't really feel like talking to her right anymore now, and all Kris has said is "If she had touched you, I would have broken her arms." She would have too.

[Alex L]

I... um, don't really know what to say? I certainly don't feel like I'm in a position to psychoanalyze anyone over the Internets.

PM box is always open if you need to vent, but otherwise hope things work out.

[beetlebum]

I'm not going to turn this into a debate over gender, but I just wanted to say that in no way was I giving Bree's mom a pass for her actions.

Understanding why someone did something is not the same as justifying it.

In this thread, I did admit to my own violent behaviour, and, if I didn't think it was wrong, I wouldn't have changed the way I act, and I'd still be breaking things whenever I get mad.

The reason why I gave Bree the opinion that she shouldn't move out is it seems to be a one-off incident.

If this was a repeated pattern of behaviour, Bree -- who is open about her personal life -- would have mentioned it in a few posts, or via im or pm to me.

If that were the case, I'd encourage her to get away.

But it's not; it's a one-off incident, and trying to pinpoint just what exactly triggered this violent action, and talking things through seems like a reasonable course of action in order to prevent this from happening again.

[Corrina]

I don't think engaging with your mom is the answer, otherwise if she's not right yet, she'll pull you into drama.

Try a script:

"Mom, I love you and I understand there are problems but you need to solve them and until that happens, I don't want to get pulled into your anger."

Just rinse, repeat, as often as possible. Refuse to engage, refuse to get pulled in, keep emphasizing that you love her and she needs to deal with the anger another way.

[beetlebum]

I don't know if this will work for you, but: My mom engages in the histrionics A LOT, and whenever she does that, I just walk away and lock myself in my room.

I'm more content to writer her a letter telling her how I feel rather than have her scream at me to my face.

In some instances, I do eventually end up having one on one conversations with her.

But when your mother is behaving like that, sometimes it's just best to walk away.

[Sabrinaset]

I'd just like to go back to your plan. You were gonna kidnap Kris and ransom her? How would that work?

Uhm ... I buy a house, move out, and take her with me.

My heart goes out to you, and i pray this was just an isolated emotional breakdown.

Well, thanks ... I'm hoping it was that too.

I don't think engaging with your mom is the answer, otherwise if she's not right yet, she'll pull you into drama.

Try a script:

"Mom, I love you and I understand there are problems but you need to solve them and until that happens, I don't want to get pulled into your anger."

Just rinse, repeat, as often as possible. Refuse to engage, refuse to get pulled in, keep emphasizing that you love her and she needs to deal with the anger another way.

Well, if you think it will work ...

I don't know if this will work for you, but: My mom engages in the histrionics A LOT, and whenever she does that, I just walk away and lock myself in my room.

The problem is, that's pretty much what my brother did, and it didn't work out too well for him. Then again, he DOES have a new door Daddy installed yesterday! The only reason I didn't get it as bad is because ... well, she's screaming about fixing her 'puter; what the heck can *I* do about it when she knows I know less about them than she does!

I asked Kris what she would have done if she were here because she does know 'puters and Mom knows it, and Kris said she would have stared silently at Mom until she calmed down. "Oh ... like the teacher stare Daddy gives us when he wants us quiet?" "Yup!"

[Free-Man]

Like a lot of people have suggested, I'd guess it would just be stress. But has she shown any signs over the years that she may have some sort of mental or medical condition?

Sometimes they can lay dormant for years from what I understand.

[CBikle]

1- I don't think it's a good idea for there to be guns in your house (hidden or not); just seems like a tragic accident waiting to happen.

2- For the computer stuff, to make it run faster, try:
- empty the temporary internet files of all cookies, etc.
- Turn off unnecessary programs while your mom is running this real estate
program.
- Maybe look into one of those online "virtual desktop" packages, most of those have 24/7 online support and this way, your mom will only have to work from one PC and since the real estate software would be running from the offline desktop, your PC wouldn't be as slowed down.

[Lester C.]

You don't ever have to worry about having to look for work because you have one of the most specialized, stressful, back breaking hard work job in America with relatively low pay for what you do but still high compared to the rest of us. I only bring this up because whether you move out or not is only determined by emotional rather than financial pressures. Therefore I think you need to come to a decision emotionally rather than logically because it's the emotional impact that going to haunt you, like feeling guilty for leaving or very stressed for staying.

I wish I could give you advice on how to proceede because I know how difficult this is for you and as your friend I want to lighten your burdens anyway I can. Unfortunately at the end of the day this is only a decision you and your family can make as you all are the only ones impacted by it. Sadly other than giving you emotional support there really isn't much I or any of us can really do for you.:frown:

[beetlebum]

Well, there's no one size fits all method now is there?

Different things are to be applied prescriptively.

And you are a good daughter for trying to listen to your mom, this despite the fact that she's revealed that she's not always willing to do the same for you.

[Spackling Compound]

I don't think engaging with your mom is the answer, otherwise if she's not right yet, she'll pull you into drama.

Try a script:

"Mom, I love you and I understand there are problems but you need to solve them and until that happens, I don't want to get pulled into your anger."

Just rinse, repeat, as often as possible. Refuse to engage, refuse to get pulled in, keep emphasizing that you love her and she needs to deal with the anger another way.

A young woman told me her mom pulled almost the same thing. She came in her room about 2am and began to re-arrange her clothes in the closet and throwing the clothes she didn't like in a garbage bag. She then wanted the girl to give her the password to the computer so she can see what's she's been doing.

I told her that it seems her mom wants to be in control because something else seems to be out of her hands.
Turns out, her husband is losing his job. She has to work more hours as a nurse now. And her father is rapidly declining in the final stages of lung cancer.

The girl is 19. I told her she should say basically what Corrina said. But I also said that she needs to think of finding a place to live.

Being at home under Mommy's roof will always lend itself to Mommy being in control. You and your girlfriend may need to just find a space outside of Daddy, Brat and Mom's. It may even help the two of you.



For some reason, I can totally get the way Moms are acting. Motherhood seems to last longer as does childhood for somes. It's hard to be the parent for adults.

[bert]

sounds to me like stress, as others have said.

thoughts and prayers headed y'all's way, for a quick and speedy return to "normalcy"

:)

.

[FalconX2000]

Wait a minute....what are your bedroom doors made of?

[Reverend Smooth]

It's pretty easy to punch through one or rip one off, as long as it's not solid woo or metal. A lot of interior doors are flimsy.

[dupont2005]

i used to deliver doors and windows and stuff for a living and it's true almost everyone has hallow core doors these days. all mine are solid core, keeps noise down

[schwamp]

The worst part is looking at this person you care for and realizing they aren't there anymore and all you're left with is just some thing wearing their face.

My heart goes out to you, and i pray this was just an isolated emotional breakdown.

Sometimes other people are able to describe what you are thinking better than you can say it yourself. This is a home run.

[Major Comma]

I would be interested to see what happens if you try Corrinas script idea .
At least it would keep you from being pulled in further.
Anything that doesnt make the problem worse is the way to go.

[Corrina]

Corrina's script is developed from dealing with her special needs kid, who can flame out quite spectacularly.

If I took everything personally she said while she's sorta out of her mind, I'd be a quivering bowl of jelly in a straightjacket.

Plus, anger feeds anger.