J-Bolt News

[Gail Simone]

Well, looks like the fun is over. Heard it from someone supposedly deeply involved in his 'movie,' that J-Bolt has disappeared completely and hasn't been heard from in months.

Dangit.

And he was going to prove everyone SO WRONG.

Gail

[Jacob Banyan]

but what about Pat Morita? :(

that sweet, sweet Karate Kid money has to be running out...






*cries*

[MartinRedmond]

You are evil.

[Lima Delta]

I'm so sad. Sad like a fox wearing a beret. So sad.

[PatrickG]

Let this be a lesson, kiddies.

You wanna work in comics, work on comics. You wanna do a movie, do a movie.

You wanna be a bi-polar, hype-spewing nutjob, rely on the internet and you can keep it up until reality catches up with you.

Ah...

Las Vegas. What happens there, stays there so when in doubt, get the hell outta there...

*sigh*

Anybody wanna start a pool on when J-Bolt returns and tries to use a story about being abducted by aliens, the mob and/or alien mobsters to sell more copies of that 12 page ashcan he did five years ago?

[Brandon Hanvey]

Plus his site is gone.
http://lightning-bolt-comics.com/

[Crowley]

somebody should squat that big time!
when he finally does the movie, it'll be worth millions!

[Sheldon]

Poor J-bolt....so many hopes and dreams dashed on the the rocks of reality.....

[Shade]

But his message board is still good to go! (http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/)

[Crowley]

that's so sad... all the forum posters are people from here. What about the fans? it's like children's dreams are laying shattered around me.

[Roquefort Raider]

J-Bolt has disappeared completely and hasn't been heard from in months.



You mean... He bolted???



- Ben

[MWGallaher]

Folks, this is seriously sad news. For all the "fun" we've had with J-Bolt, we need to recognize that everything he wrote showed signs of a serious problem, and a "disappearance" is extremely ominous. J-B may have had delusions of grandeur, but he is a human being, and that alone should make him worthy of our concern and respect.

[Adam Crocker]

But his message board is still good to go! (http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/)

Mac, PLEASE don't tell me you engaged in commerce with the man.

*Sigh* I'll miss J-Bolt though. :(

[Crowley]

Folks, this is seriously sad news. For all the "fun" we've had with J-Bolt, we need to recognize that everything he wrote showed signs of a serious problem, and a "disappearance" is extremely ominous. J-B may have had delusions of grandeur, but he is a human being, and that alone should make him worthy of our concern and respect.

whoa, whoa, whoa. This guy was attempting to rip people off with various ill concieved scams... all we know is that he's gone. So the logical conclusion is that it
caught and is a in some legal trouble
he quit

if anything tragic happened then I can pretty much guarantee we would be sorry.

More than likely he'll resurface in 2 or 3 months claiming Spielberg is directing.

[Iangould]

Has anyone ever offered to spend the couple of thousand bucks to print his comic?

his notoriety would probably sell a couple of thousand issues.

[Gail Simone]

Ian, I'd absolutely not give him a dime, because you'd never see it again. HOWEVER, if I thought he'd actually do any real work other than hype, I'd gladly donate a script for him to draw, and promote the hell out of it.

I really did want him to succeed. I just think it was fun to watch him go nuts in the meantime.

Gail

[Cam63]

Hey, 100 post Simm :)

You've given JB more than enough of your time.

Time for that wanker to EARN some respect.

[Adam Crocker]

I really did want him to succeed. I just think it was fun to watch him go nuts in the meantime.

If J-Bolt could've found a way to market his hype as saleable product he'd be a millionaire.

[Crowley]

he'd need a PRODUCT behind the hype... and coherent writing skills (not to mention spelling and grammar)

[MacQuarrie]

Mac, PLEASE don't tell me you engaged in commerce with the man.

*Sigh* I'll miss J-Bolt though. :(
Twenny bucks.

I was trying to buy him off so I could do an interview with him. You can read all about it at Monkeyspit.

[Lima Delta]

I heard he was teaming up with Danny Donovan. Just a rumor though...

[Thomas]

I heard he was teaming up with Danny Donovan. Just a rumor though...
Quit trying to start rumors just because you want everything to involve Danny.

[Lima Delta]

Quit trying to start rumors just because you want everything to involve Danny.
I can't help it if his huggyloves have put a spell on me. Just like they have to Gail.

She loves him, really.

[Thomas]

I can't help it if his huggyloves have put a spell on me. Just like they have to Gail.

She loves him, really.
He's alright I guess. But he's no Jazbo.

[Lima Delta]

He's alright I guess. But he's no Jazbo.
No one is as cool as Jazbo. No one.

Not even you, Thomas.

[Crowley]

i heard Marvelman was pretty damn cool. Hmmm... wonder who he could be?

[jimmything2681]

You mean... He bolted???



- Ben

Shameful, shameful abuse of puns.

[Adam Crocker]

he'd need a PRODUCT behind the hype... and coherent writing skills (not to mention spelling and grammar)

No, no, no...I meant 'how could his hype be turned into a product?' since that's clearly the only reason people pay attention to this guy.

(Okay, but the fact is the only reason people pay attention to the hype is that it is unintentionally funny. And it's funny since it is clear he has no product at all, but is absolutely full of it. I suppose I posed an unsolvable problem, but I dunno how serious I was in the first place.)

Twenny bucks.

I was trying to buy him off so I could do an interview with him. You can read all about it at Monkeyspit.

:eek:

Oh Mac! You poor deluded fool! :'(

That was a good article. You paid for that pettiness so it should be rightfully yours!

[Shade]

Hey the site is back up and most of the posts made by Mac, gail and I have been deleted. So J-Bolt is back with new delete action.

[Sheldon]

Whoohooo......I was getting withdrawl symptoms!

I'm off to re-read the Ashcan!!! (http://www.lightning-bolt-comics.com/Comics/Ashcan/WLS0ashcan1.html)

[PatrickG]

Uhm, Gail...?

Could you donate a script for him to draw? You're under exclusive contract with DC, aren't you?

Of course, it's moot anyway because that assumes he'd do anything with it.

I've thought about submitting to the guy before. I know it probably would never amount to anything and his credibility/ethics are lacking... But I know I'd get a lot of hype whatever happened.

If I had an artist, I'd put up the cash to get a comic published... Thing is, art is a lot more time consuming and convincing someone to work for free with a minimal probability on any returns is tough. Even if I write the entire thing off as a loss on my part, the artist is looking at very little money, by industry standards, even if I can get a small print run to sell out. If that's J-Bolt's problem, I genuinely sympathize.

Of course, if I were him, I'd try to get an artist to double the length of that ashcan and try selling it to Dark Horse, Image, whoever. He's halfway there and it's easier to attract more artists (if he needs them) with the promise of Image/Dark Horse pagerates.

Unless you're content with a photocopier job, publishing ain't cheap. Distribution can be a headache. I honestly can't understand why somebody would self-publish these days. It's no wonder ElfQuest went to DC, Mike Allred and Jeff Smith are mainly doing mainstream work and a lot of indies are folding.

I'd take that donated Gail Simone script if I were J-Bolt. Heck --- I bet I could use it to bait an artist into working with me.

It's hard for new talent to organize with eachother. Sometimes I think the only way to attract and develop new talent effectively would be to pair it with established talent.

Had a concept not too long ago (don't remember if I posted this) for a DC maxi-series I'd call "Secret Origins Showcase". Basically, it would be a 12-issue, American Idol-style jam book. You do three DC character origins per issue pairing established talent with the debut work of new writers and artists telling classic origin stories. Because DC already owns the origins, you get around the legal hassle... Any writers submitting to the book WOULDN'T be doing particularly novel stories but instead jamming on storytelling and dialogue using established origin plots. All 7 page stories. By the end, you've got a handy, easily accessible telling of 36 DC hero origins that can be put in the hands of new readers as a far better primer to the DCU than any Secret Files could hope to be.

Although only half the talent featured would be "new", you'd give 18 artists and 18 writers some good exposure (hence the "Showcase")... And using ballots included with the issues, readers would vote on one writer and one artist to get an ongoing book. And thus the series is a "Secret Origin" not only for the characters featured but for one new writer and one new artist who will get their first big break.

Hm. Even J-Bolt would have a shot with something like that...

[Roquefort Raider]

Hey, the ashcan features the DRACO!!!

I wonder if J-Bolt will sue Chuck Austen for stealing Marvel's
most successful concept of the last few years!

[PatrickG]

What concept would that be?

The X-Men? Angsty relationships?

Grant Morrison was the one who introduced the girl with bomb powers...

[Sheldon]

Hey, the ashcan features the DRACO!!!

I wonder if J-Bolt will sue Chuck Austen for stealing Marvel's
most successful concept of the last few years!
Yeah I noticed that too.....its too bad that Austen storyline, despite its title didn't have anyone named Draco in it......it would have made the Nightcrawler's horny demon dad story even better!

[Gail Simone]

Wonder how long before I'm banned?

Gail

[OzBat!]

Somebody email MacQuarrie! We need a Monkey Spit! update!!

[Roquefort Raider]

(...) HOWEVER, if I thought he'd actually do any real work other than hype, I'd gladly donate a script for him to draw, and promote the hell out of it.



Mmmmh... I wonder if J-Bolt will now claim that renowned writer Gail Simone was eager to give him a script and promote his work, but that he decided to turn her down because he had more important things to do?

Kind of the way he "fired" his movie agent...


- Ben

I used to work for a guy like that... he had a strange perception of reality .

[Sheldon]

awww did I miss something?

I think they cleaned off the boards again.....

[Shade]

Wonder how long before I'm banned?

Gail


I get a message at his board stating my ip address no longer is allowed access to that board. He's crackin down people!

[MacQuarrie]

Me too!

Good thing I have three other places I post from, huh?

[MacQuarrie]

I suppose it's only a matter of time before J-Bolt bans my other IPs, so let's have some fun.

Everybody go to The Lightning Bolt Forum (http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=3027534503&cpv=2) and post questions about his shady practices, but here's the fun part.....

Everybody post under my name!

name: MacQuarrie
e-mail: macq@monkeyspit.com
website: http://www.monkeyspit.net/rantman/jbolt.php

Just ask where my posters are and why he's dodging me. Don't be threatening or obscene. It'll be fun!

[PatrickG]

Hokay.

Go to the LBC board. You'll see a familiar name looking for writing work.

If pressed for credentials, I'd like everyone to speak up on behalf of Mr. Hockenberry (those of you not on bad terms with J-Bolt, at least) and we'll see where this leads. I'm sure we could all have fun if LBC takes Mr. Hockenberry on staff.

*ahem*

[Gail Simone]

HAHAHAHHA!

BRENDAN "NIGHTWING" HOCKENBERRY!

HAHAHA!

Gail

[Justin Davis]

Oh,that's just wrong and too damn funny.

[Justin Davis]

I just mentioned J-Bolt to another poster here at CBR and he didn't know who that was. Then, I tried to put into words who J-Bolt is, but I couldn't say it all.

Just how exactly do you explain J-Bolt?

[Crowley]

who's Hockenberry?

[Sheldon]

I just mentioned J-Bolt to another poster here at CBR and he didn't know who that was. Then, I tried to put into words who J-Bolt is, but I couldn't say it all.

Just how exactly do you explain J-Bolt?
The best way to introduce J-Bolt is to use MacQs Rantman article....its comic gold!
http://www.monkeyspit.net/rantman/

[Sheldon]

who's Hockenberry?


Brendan "Nightwing" Hockenberry is one of the best Batman fanfic writers out there....

Check out a few of his masterpieces here (http://www.comicbookresources.com/columns/index.cgi?column=yabs&article=152) and here (http://www.comicbookresources.com/columns/index.cgi?column=yabs&article=273) and here (http://www.comicbookresources.com/columns/index.cgi?column=yabs&article=654) and lastly a great collaboration. (http://www.comicbookresources.com/columns/index.cgi?column=yabs&article=1128)

[Spike-X]

I'm sure we could all have fun if LBC takes Mr. Hockenberry on staff.


I could not possibly think of a writer more suited to the job.

[Crowley]

that's hilarious I had forget the Hockenberry name.

[Gail Simone]

I'd really love to add Brendan to Birds of Prey at some point.

Gail

[MacQuarrie]

I'd really love to add Brendan to Birds of Prey at some point.

Gail
I'll give you a dollar if you do.

[Justin Davis]

I'd really love to add Brendan to Birds of Prey at some point.

Gail

You missed such an opportunity to name the parking lot attendant that Huntress had to go out on date with Brendan Hockenberry. Think about it.

"I bought you flowers and . . . wrote a little story for you. Want to hear it?"

Then you could have had someone draw in it while he tells it. Oh, such a missed opportunity.

[Sheldon]

It looks like J-Bolt has some defenders ... (http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/311222/)

For those who can't get on the page.... here is the post in full...watch out MacQ, you might get sued!

Subject: Tell McQuarre to shut up!
Name: Dwight R. Vlahos
Date Posted: Jun 11, 04 - 12:45 PM
Email: drvlahos@hotmail.com
Favorite LBC Character: Bombshell, shes hot!
Message: You guys should sue that Monkeyspit guy. I snet him some e-mail a while back in which I worte reviews of some current comics and movies with the idea that he could maybe hire me for his sight, and he put them up on a page and made fun of me. That's not right.

Why would he ask for submitions if he's just going to ridecule them?

I really liked your ashcan comic. It would be really cool if that blue & black guy could be more like the greatest comic ever, Deathlok the Demolisher. Marvel has toatally squandered the potential of this carhacter, and you could probally do great things with the basic Idea.

Good luck wiht the Bombshell movie. I hope that someday I can review it for an online movie sight, hopefully one that's better than that piece of crap Monkeyspit thing!

Sincerely,

Dwight R. Vlahos


Comic genius.....

[Gail Simone]

OH, MY GOD, the GENIUS!


Gail

[MacQuarrie]

It's really too bad we took Dwight's reviews down. They were great!

[Beefy]

And while J-Bolt goes down once again, Bolt of Beef Comics (http://www.supersoda.com/boltofbeef.php) continues to thrive.

[fly on the wall]

J-Bolt is to YABS what BatBoy is to the Weekly World News.

If there was no J-Bolt, Gail would have to invent one.

A thousand years from now all religions and comic book heroes will be forgotten except a Faith based that has Gail and J-Bolt as it's God and Devil.

But my crystal ball's not clear enough to see whom would be whom.

[Guapo Méndez]

It's really too bad we took Dwight's reviews down. They were great!

And J-Bolt answered (http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/313000)

[Sheldon]

For those who are blocked here is the full text of his response:
Thank you, Dwight...
We don't worry about MacQuarrie nor his bash forum ilk because the viewers and followers of the Lightning Bolt Entertainment family of companies are too intelligent to fall for their antics. This is the only sort of thing that they know how to do.
I personally mailed his package, myself, and if he would have done as eBay suggested, as per additionally purchasing insurance and delivery confirmation, he'd be able to know what's going on with his package, if his claims are even true. Considering all the problems that he, and his cronies, have caused us over the years, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he actually did receive his package, but only made the purchase for the sole purpose of having a public transaction record in which he and his buddies could say that we did not deliver. That is the sort of thing they've ALWAYS done and I should've known better than to expect a leopard to change its spots, as I did.
MacQuarrie's next step, if his package truly is missing, is to contact the USPS and trace the tube from zip code 89119 (since that is the Post Office branch that I mailed it from that day, along with other items I had to mail at the time). If it's not true (the more likely of the choices), he should stop his useless efforts because we all are becoming as bored of it as you are.
Their bash forum is called YABS ("You'll All Be Sorry"...if that's not a clear indication of their intentions with every comics creator, other than their own little circle). If you go to their forum, at http://www.comicbookresources.com, and type in J-Bolt in the "Search Word" and select "All" in the "Sections" scroll, you'll find how they've done everything possible to try and defame me and my companies...even to the notice and mention of all the other forums, whereas they outwardly tell of the YABS geeks' meanings to try and harm the works of me and my companies.
The best thing for us all to do is to ignore them. If you see them posting here, before we can get their posts out, tell 'em off (just please don't use profanity in doing so). As soon as we can their posts, we'll make sure the entire string of posts are deleted so that everyone can continue to have fun here, keeping as much negativity as possible off this bulletin board. Until we catch it, your support is always appreciated, though.
I'm glad you like the WLS Ashcan and Draco. We do have great plans for him and are looking for just the right artist and writer to do his mag.
Keep watching the site and our IMDb listing so that you know what's going on with the BombShell movie. You might even want to post your own comments on the IMDb listing, so that everyone knows that you'll be one of the first reviewers of the film. This would truly be an honor to us.
Thank you once again and keep watchin' us.
J-Bolt
President/CEO
Lightning Bolt Entertainment, Co. and its subsidiaries

We're Ilk!

[Guapo Méndez]

For those who are blocked here is the full text of his response:


We're Ilk!

I'm ill.
Gail' silk.
J-Bolt's bilk.


who's milk?

[Gail Simone]

Funny that he'd try this routine (that it was lost in the mail) because he tried that at Ebay several times.

Oh, and his movie must be going REALLY well, since his co-producer says he dropped off the face of the Earth.

Gail

[Jacob Banyan]

we all know who the real victim in this situation is... Pat Morita.

[Guapo Méndez]

Funny that he'd try this routine (that it was lost in the mail) because he tried that at Ebay several times.

Oh, and his movie must be going REALLY well, since his co-producer says he dropped off the face of the Earth.

Gail

If he ever inhabited the big blue marble.

[Sheldon]

Funny that he'd try this routine (that it was lost in the mail) because he tried that at Ebay several times.

Oh, and his movie must be going REALLY well, since his co-producer says he dropped off the face of the Earth.

Gail
well really what else can he say? He won't admit to ripping of MacQuarrie, so he blames it on MacQ, and the poor folks at the US postal service. Those guys don't get any breaks...

[Spike-X]

There's a whole "Lightning Bolt family of companies" now? That's an awful lot of overhead to maintain for somebody who's yet to actually produce...well, anything.

[Michael P]

J-Bolt is to YABS what BatBoy is to the Weekly World News.

If there was no J-Bolt, Gail would have to invent one.

A thousand years from now all religions and comic book heroes will be forgotten except a Faith based that has Gail and J-Bolt as it's God and Devil.

But my crystal ball's not clear enough to see whom would be whom.
Alls I can say is, if Gail's Satan, hand me the Necronomicon.

[Michael P]

I'm ill.
Gail' silk.
J-Bolt's bilk.


who's milk?

Burma Shave.

[MacQuarrie]

What a load of horseshit.

[Roquefort Raider]

What a load of horseshit.

That comes from one of his many companies...

"J-Bolt's Supergro Organic Fertilizer".

It makes carrots grow... like lightning!



- Ben

But it smells funny.

[Sheldon]

Another update from J-bolt
One last, note about the bash forums before they're never talked about, by me or my staff again, in this bulletin board: MacQuarrie and his ilk consider me and my company in so low of regards and continually go out of their way to try and ridicule me. Gail Simone, the head basher in that forum, has even incited such a useless brigade. And yet, Gail Simone, herself, offered her services as a writer to Lightning Bolt Comics admittedly right after signing an exclusive contract with DC Comics. Her other buddies thought this was a great idea, even, and knew that she'd be breaking such a contract. I guess she, and the other cronies, must feel that my company is a lot more reputable than what is led to believe. Wouldn't everyone agree?
MacQuarrie wouldn't agree, especially with the crappy websites he's published about me/my companies? How can I convince him otherwise? HHMMMmmmmmmm...OH! I know! How about if I have her e-mails published on this site, backing up everything I just said, so that the other viewers can give their opinions on that matter?
No? That wouldn't do it for him? Darn! Lemme' think of something else then....hhhmmmmmmmmm...I'VE GOT IT!!! How about if I forward those e-mails to DC Comics and get THEIR opinion on the matter?! That would HAVE to convince MacQuarrie that I'm not a bad guy, and that my companies are all the positive things that we've said! RIGHT???
I mean...DC Comics wouldn't FIRE her or anything for something like that, would they? And breaking an exclusive contract with a major comic book publishing company would always have other comic companies wanting her to work for them on top of that, knowing that she has no problem with breaking contracts and knowingly attempt to conceal such a thing by asking that written credit be avoided. Right?
There would be no harm, whatsoever, doing that since MacQuarrie and his ilk feel that its okay to publish defamatory and/or untrue websites and webpages about me/my companies in an attempt to harm my companies and the projects we're working on. Right?
On top of that, there's no problem, for MacQuarrie, in posting something so untrue, in every regard, on the BombShell movie page of IMDb.com, which means that I can publish and forward TRUE information to EVERYONE who would want to know about it! RIGHT?
If it is not okay, just let me know by simply removing any negative webpages about me/my companies and appending an apology on any negative posts, such as the one on IMDb. If that happens, then I'll know that such a thing is not feasible to do, on my part. Otherwise, I simply don't know any better and I'll start by having the necessary e-mails published on this site VERY SOON. If I'm not given the described indication not to do this, it won't be my fault if the WRONG PEOPLE (or RIGHT PEOPLE...depending on your perspective of the situation) are notified about it. Right?
I hope MacQuarrie lets me know soon because I'll be having my staff get busy on publishing those first thing in the morning.

What does everyone else think?

J-Bolt
President/CEO
Lightning Bolt Entertainment and its subsidiaries

The post can be found here (http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314230/)


He is nuts.....watch out Gail!

[Gail Simone]

Would someone please post to this idiot that my exclusive is up in a few months? AND that I clearly said it would be pointless because J-Bolt would never actually do the work?

Jesus, what a moron.

Gail

[Gail Simone]

Hey, JIM FISHER, why not also post that your co-producer doesn't believe there ever WAS such a film in production as Bombshell, and that you've completely dropped off the face of the Earth?

Gail

[Gail Simone]

Here's my exact quote, which you can also post there (I could figure a way to do it myself probably but that would require brains I don't have this morning).

"Ian, I'd absolutely not give him a dime, because you'd never see it again. HOWEVER, if I thought he'd actually do any real work other than hype, I'd gladly donate a script for him to draw, and promote the hell out of it.

I really did want him to succeed. I just think it was fun to watch him go nuts in the meantime.

Gail"

[Guapo Méndez]

Here's my exact quote, which you can also post there (I could figure a way to do it myself probably but that would require brains I don't have this morning).

"Ian, I'd absolutely not give him a dime, because you'd never see it again. HOWEVER, if I thought he'd actually do any real work other than hype, I'd gladly donate a script for him to draw, and promote the hell out of it.

I really did want him to succeed. I just think it was fun to watch him go nuts in the meantime.

Gail"

whaddaya know?
I'm banned from LBC forums!

the horror...the horror...

how can my life go on...?

[Sheldon]

Gail,

I'm posting something right now. When I have it finished I'll post it here.
Before I post it do you want me to make any reference to the emails from you he said he'd publish?

Let me know....

Well I guess I'll be getting one of my work cpu's banned.

[Gail Simone]

I have no idea what emails he's talking about. My last several emails merely said he'd better send Mac what Mac paid for.

He can post what he likes. I happen to have saved every single email he ever sent me, and I can guarantee he won't enjoy seeing them reprinted, should he go that route. Hell, beyond that, I have emails from most of the people he claimed to be working with where they don't have a single good thing to say about him. I don't think he'd enjoy those either. One at least makes a claim that's so devastating I don't think ol' J-bolt would ever be able to do his usual sidestepping around it.

Feel free to post that. :)

Gail

[Sheldon]

Cool.....will do.....

And here is what I posted

Hey J-Bolt,

Gail wanted me to post a response to your lengthy diatribe. As you've banned her from posting here.

Here is her original quote concerning writing a script for you:

"Ian, I'd absolutely not give him a dime, because you'd never see it again. HOWEVER, if I thought he'd actually do any real work other than hype, I'd gladly donate a script for him to draw, and promote the hell out of it.

I really did want him to succeed. I just think it was fun to watch him go nuts in the meantime.

Gail"

She pretty much makes it clear that it would be pointless because your work would never show up. It will remain as always a whole lotta hype.

Also her exclusive contract is up in a few months, so all of your stilted legal threats really have no weight. Its not like you would be able to produce a comic that would be release in those few months let alone a 5 years.

And in reference to the e-mails she had this to say:

"I have no idea what emails he's talking about. My last several emails merely said he'd better send Mac what Mac paid for.

He can post what he likes. I happen to have saved every single email he ever sent me, and I can guarantee he won't enjoy seeing them reprinted, should he go that route. Hell, beyond that, I have emails from most of the people he claimed to be working with where they don't have a single good thing to say about him. I don't think he'd enjoy those either. One at least makes a claim that's so devastating I don't think ol' J-bolt would ever be able to do his usual sidestepping around it."

So the ball is in your court J-Bolt.

Sheldon


I wonder how long before I'm banned. Well I'll always have my home ip

[Crowley]

wow this is getting pretty damn harsh now.

[Crowley]

just posted:
So Jim,

why don't we see any information about the Bombshell movie on Sable's website? Or Pat Morita's?

and how many posters have you sold in the last year? how many comics have been produced?

and most importantly, when do you plan on interviewing yourself again? We expect the hard hitting tough questions this time!

[Dreadstar]

Baned!

YER ALL BANED!





...and so am I.

[Gail Simone]

The funny thing is, I know a ton of stuff about J-bolt that I've held back out of respect for individual privacy, and because I don't want to be mean just for the sake of being mean.

But if he wants to threaten, bring it on, Jim. I have ammo you wouldn't believe.

Gail

[Crowley]

heh, Gail, I think you're becoming Oracle ;)

*mental note* never fuck with Gail...

[Gail Simone]

A lot of these people actually contacted ME, oddly enough.

Gail

[Crowley]

the GSDN is in full effect... Gail Simone Defense Network.

[PatrickG]

Geez.

The guy has a respected industry writer offering a script (even as a backhanded gesture) and instead of jumping on it, the FOOL takes a dump on her offer and threatens blackmail.

Y'Know, if I was him, I'd be spinning it like Jeph Loeb's offer to write FANTASTIC FOUR for a dollar or Jim Lee doing "Hush" to settle that bet over whether he could do 12 straight issues.

If he doesn't have time to draw what with his "busy companies", I bet you could find an artist who'd work cheap (or maybe free) for the exposure and the chance to work with Gail.

In turn, it wouldn't be hard then to publish the damn book for somewhere in the neighborhood of $500 (something which *I* could accomplish) and hopefully make enough off it to finance some actual publishing ventures... -sigh-

[Crowley]

Hell I will match Gail's offer and draw it for free just to work with Gail!

[kcarroll]

As I really enjoy the J-Bolt forums, I tried not to get banned by posting the following:

you asked what everyone thinks about your suggestion. I think it is dangerously close to blackmail. It sounds like you are attacking Ms. Simone because you have a problem with Mr. MacQauarrie.

Wouldn't it be simpler to resolve this issue by working out an arrangement to provide him with posters? I know you have already sent them, but there was clearly a miscommunication, so wouldn't a more prudent course of action be to work out an amicable resolution. The posters were not received, but at the same time your company was not able to receive correspondence to try to resolve the matter. You must admit some of the blame lies with your technical problems, and as such, I would recommend rather than get into a war of words, simply take the high road and furnish additional posters to Mr. MacQuarrie.

Thanks for asking.

[Cap'n Panda]

7:30 – Wakes up to his Bombshell/Sable alarm-clock (which he made himself out of a real alarm clock, a Barbie doll and some Silly Putty.)

7:35 – Bounces on his bed, falls off, cries a little.

7:45 – The nice lady who lives at his house gives him breakfast. Finishes it, asks for more Pebbles. Receives negative answer. Throws bowl on the floor. Receives handful of dry Pebbles. Eats a few, then uses the rest to form his name on the table. Misspells it.

8:00 – Says goodbye to nice lady, promises to go to work today.

8:05 – Waves goodbye from porch as lady drives away. Sees squirrel in yard, chases it.

9:30 – Decides not to catch stupid, negative squirrel after all. Runs home and writes “I hate squils” in his Garfield daily planner, which he got for his birthday. Writes it in the wrong day. Doesn’t notice the planner is for 2001. DOES notice the Lightning Bolt, LTD logo on the front. Decides to sue whoever put it there without his permission. Remembers which he drew all by himself.

9:35 – Decides he feels sick today. Practices his cough.

9:45 – Calls in sick to work. Reminded by former boss Todd that he has been fired five weeks ago. Asks for old job back. Is told he has been replaced by a high school junior who works on weekends and after school. Threatens to sue Todd, and also threatens to tell Todd’s wife Todd is gay. Is told Todd is not married, and is, in fact, gay. Says “Gross, ewwww!” and hangs up.

10:00 – Decides to change out of sleepy-time footy pajamas. Changes into day-time footy pajamas.

10:15 – Goes to do some work on vital Lightning Bolt, LTD business in his office. Greets Vice President in Charge of Corporate Development, who is a water heater, whom J-Bolt has named Walter J. Heater.

10:30 – Sits behind desk (refrigerator box). Starts making important phone calls, using disconnected phone. Voices both sides of conversations. Hangs up phone. Jingles a set of keys to make a ringing sound. Picks up phone, shouts, “Sell! Sell! Buy! Sell!” Hangs up, satisfied.

11:00 - Has a cigar (attempts to light the end of a pretzel stick).

11:02 - Runs into bathroom, splashes water on smoldering crotch of pajamas.

11:05 - (edited for content)

11:10 - Returns to office, decides to grant exclusive interview. Fetches baseball cap with the word PRESS written on the bill. Sits in front of desk, asks probing question about how great Lighting Bolt Comics is, as great as a) Beatles (the rock band), b) SpongeBob or c) …

11:15 - Decides the question will just have A) and B) choices. Runs around to other side of desk, removes Press hat, sits in chair. Places arms behind head and leans chair back to provide proper air of contemplative thoughtfulness before answering question. Chair is not designed to lean back, is in fact folding chair, and tips over backwards.

11:20- Giggles for 20 minutes due to drawing of clown taped to ceiling to ease pain tipping chair over and falling (note: this has happened before).

11:40 - Realizes that, during the fall, folding chair has folded onto naughty bits. Screams in pain, extricates said bits.
11:45 - Waddles to bathroom to sooth aforementioned bits.

11:50 - Attempts to (edited for content)

12:30 - Frustrated, returns to office. Hears real phone ring in kitchen. Runs to answer it. Speaks for several minutes to loyal fan, who is offering to sell J-Bolt a time-share. J-Bolt counter-offers to show the caller several pages of his home-made comic-book for a fee. Caller asks to speak with J-Bolt’s mother. J-Bolt thanks fan for loyalty, terminates call.

12:35 - Decides to peruse internet.

1:35 - Successfully logs on. Goes to IMDB to check on progress of movie. Wonders why so little progress has been made since movie was posted. Creates reason, posts it. Reads other posts.

1:40 - Cries RE: posts, and the mean posters who post them.

1:45 - The word “posters” has triggered memory. Looks at posters that have yet to be mailed to MacQuarrie. Realized he needs mailing tubes. Goes to kitchen and unspools another roll of paper towels.

1:50 - Becomes distracted by rollicking game of “Mummy!” Uses paper towel tube as light saber. Becomes confused about what games he is playing.

2:00 - Frosting break!

2:20 - Vomits aprox. 3 pints of chocolate frosting.

2:30 - Returns to office. Checks LBC forum for fan responses. Contemplates seriously hiring new writer named Hockenberry, wonders if he would accept shares of upcoming hit Bombshell movie in lieu of salary.

2:40 - Notices lack of positive fan responses. Selects one from pile of stuffed animals. Moving paws to type on computer keyboard, logs in under stuffed animals name, and posts positive feedback. Paws are not well designed for typing, and hit many keys unintentionally. Spelling in post is noticeably better than average J-Bolt post.

3:00 - Decides to confer with Bombshell movie collaborators. Picks up disconnected phone, dials randomly, asks to speak to Mrs. Sable. Retrieves homemade Bombshell/Sable alarm clock to help set mood. Speaking in high-pitched voice, promises to appear in movie. Seals deal, hangs up.

3:05 - Makes out for a little while with alarm clock.

3:10 - Calls Pat Morita. Picks up disconnected phone, dials randomly. Pretends to speak Chinese. Calls self “Daniel-san.” Seals deal, hangs up.

3:15 - Makes out with Ralph Macchio poster.

3:20 - In a moment reminiscent of the Hawthorne story Feathertop (http://www.classicreader.com/read.php/sid.6/bookid.284/) sees himself in mirror and has sudden, heartbreaking flash of realization that he is a horrible, horrible writer, a mediocre artist, and a farcically incompetent businessman, who has succeeded at absolutely nothing, save making himself a laughingstock and occasional object of pity. Screams and begins to sob.

3:30 - Farts

3:31 - Giggles.

4:00 - Continues to giggle.

4:10 - Nap time!

6:00 - Awakes to sound of car pulling into drive-way.

6:10 - Goes to happy place inside head during hour-long hysterical screaming from usually-nice lady who lives at his house. Hears words like ‘fired’ and ‘foreclosure’ and ‘pajamas’ and ‘harebrained scheme’. Briefly considers suing or blackmailing her. Briefly.

7:15 - Sits in corner.

8:30 - Asks to watch Teen Titans on TV. Attempts to explain that it is vital research for his company.

8:32 - Regrets attempt.

10:00 - Told to go to bed. Defiantly refuses to change into different pajamas. Avoids mirrors.

10:10 - Attempts to (edited for content). Gets caught. Unsuccessfully attempts to return to happy place in head during the ensuing scolding.

11:00 - Cries self to sleep. Hopes Bombshell movie opens tomorrow, as he is looking forward to seeing it.

[Papergirl]

A moment in time in Papergirl's dreary day at work:

3:15 PM - Logs on to CBR from work computer.

3:17 PM - Heads to the YABS forum to see what the latest news of J-Bolt is.

3:19 PM - Shakes head sadly as she reads how badly J-B has deteriorated.

3:23 PM - Ponders replying to J-B's diatribe on his forum.

3:23 1/2 PM - Decides against it, as the guy is obviously beyond help at this point.

3:25 PM - Resumes reading this thread.

3:26 PM - Falls out of chair, laughing her ass off at Cap'n Panda's post.

3:27 PM - Decides to post her own timetable out of appreciation and thanks for the laugh.

:D

~Bev

[Typo Lad]

Now I have to explain to everyone at work why I'm laughing so hard.

[Justin Davis]

Holy shit, Panda, that was great. Like reading "Flowers for J-Bolt". Good stuff.

[Papergirl]

Now I have to explain to everyone at work why I'm laughing so hard.
What?! No timetable, Morts?!

Sheesh. I feel so cheated now.

Got your PM, by the way. Short answer: No, I haven't moved yet. I'm looking at a 2 bedroom apartment in Yonkers ($850/month) on Saturday! More later, I promise!

~Bev

[Typo Lad]

Nah, no timetable. I'm not that creative today.

No thread drift from the spectacularity that is J-Bolt please. PM me.

[Papergirl]

Nah, no timetable. I'm not that creative today.

No thread drift from the spectacularity that is J-Bolt please. PM me.
BAH! I'm more interesting than he is!

Cuter, too.

Besides, I was just giving you the Reader's Digest version of what's happening. You'll get a much longer version later. :p

[Typo Lad]

I would not know about the cuter, as you DID NOT SHOW UP TO THE ZOO!

Still, now that you mention it...Suzannah is going out of town for a few weeks....



























...wanna help me sort my comic collection?

[MacQuarrie]

My work computer is baned from the LBC forums, so could somebody please tell J-Bolt that I would happily take down my page, if I believed that one word of it was false. Meanwhile, he has my money and no proof that the posters were ever mailed.

The next correspondence he receives concerning this matter will be from the law firm of Richardson & Harman.

[Guapo Méndez]

My work computer is baned from the LBC forums, so could somebody please tell J-Bolt that I would happily take down my page, if I believed that one word of it was false. Meanwhile, he has my money and no proof that the posters were ever mailed.

The next correspondence he receives concerning this matter will be from the law firm of Richardson & Harman.

He banned my home IP too. since I never posted anything from home, I guess he simply shut down Prodigy, the mexican internet provider. He just kissed goodbye his latino audience.

[MacQuarrie]

He banned my home IP too. since I never posted anything from home, I guess he simply shut down Prodigy, the mexican internet provider. He just kissed goodbye his latino audience.
You ARE his latino audience!

[Guapo Méndez]

You ARE his latino audience!

With me he lost the latin and iberian market (I have a cousin in spain that reads comics).

[MacQuarrie]

I posted some of Dwight's essays for J-Bolt to read over on the LBC board. Read 'em quick before the Eradicator deletes 'em.

[Papergirl]

I posted some of Dwight's essays for J-Bolt to read over on the LBC board. Read 'em quick before the Eradicator deletes 'em.
Ha! Thanks for the early morning chuckle, Mac! I laughed so hard, my coworkers are demanding an explanation (I sent them all to Monkey Spit, by the way... After they read THAT, I'll direct them to this thread) and I have hot cocoa all over my monitor!

[Guapo Méndez]

I posted some of Dwight's essays for J-Bolt to read over on the LBC board. Read 'em quick before the Eradicator deletes 'em.

Post the link to the post. I can't read the whole forum, but individual posts are fair game.

[Gail Simone]

Panda might be the greatest genius the world has ever known.

Gail

[Crowley]

i wonder how close to the truth that actually is?

[MacQuarrie]

I posted a lot, and so far it's still there...

My reply about the "Bash forums":
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314630/

Re: "Are you calling me a liar?":
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314639/

"Just so you know" (my explanation about Dwight, with his first e-mail to me):
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314632

Dwight's columns....
"I am not insane; Gail Simone is a creation of the Illuminati":
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314633

Part II:
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314635

"I know a Lot More than You Know":
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314640

Part II:
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314642

"An Open Letter to Daniel Way and Marvel Comics":
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314643

Part II:
http://pub36.bravenet.com/forum/3027534503/fetch/314644

Damn 5000 character limit at Bravenet.

[Cap'n Panda]

Panda might be the greatest genius the world has ever known.

Gail


I can TOTALLY live up to that.















{SHREIK} THE PRESSURE!

[Cap'n Panda]

Panda might be the greatest genius the world has ever known.

Gail

BTW, that's Cap'n Panda. I didn't spend four years at Panda Acadamy to be called Panda, thankyouverymuch.

[Crowley]

Gail,

according to Dwight you're an internet creation! :rolleyes:

[Papergirl]

I would not know about the cuter, as you DID NOT SHOW UP TO THE ZOO!
With darn good reason, if you recall! Psycho Landlady!

Still, now that you mention it...Suzannah is going out of town for a few weeks....
Nuh uh. No way, pal. Not going there. :p


























...wanna help me sort my comic collection?
Oh.

That's all I'm good for, huh? You think that, just because I am the dept. coordinator at my job, I'll just sort and coordinate anything? Sheesh.

...

Besides... I have to sort my OWN collection first. :p

Now, back to the subject of J-Dolt-- err... J-Bolt...

[MacQuarrie]

Since Gail can't read J-Bolt's forum, I'm pasting the text here...

* "One last, note about the bash forums before they're never talked about, by me or my staff again, in this bulletin board: "

What staff? You've admitted more than once that you're a one-man band.

"MacQuarrie and his ilk"

I have an ilk? Can you tell me where my ilk is? I haven't seen it.

"consider me and my company in so low of regards and continually go out of their way to try and ridicule me."

I don't go out of my way to do anything. You took my money and stiffed me. Didn't answer my e-mails. And I didn't try to ridicule you. I simply told the truth and provided links to back it up.

"MacQuarrie wouldn't agree, especially with the crappy websites he's published about me/my companies?"

Accuracy is everything, J-. It's not "websites" it's "webpage" singular. One page about you and your delusional behavior. Behavior that includes referring to your kitchen table as your "companies." Now, granted, Playboy started out as one guy working on his kitchen table, but the difference is, he actually did the work. You've been waving that same 12-page promo for several years now; where's the comic book?

"How can I convince him otherwise?"

Three words (you can pick which three): Deliver the goods. Keep your promises. Do the work.

"How about if I forward those e-mails to DC Comics and get THEIR opinion on the matter?! That would HAVE to convince MacQuarrie that I'm not a bad guy, and that my companies are all the positive things that we've said! RIGHT???"

Wrong. That would convince me of the opposite. If you want to convince me that you're not a bad guy and your company is all positive, all you have to do is deliver the posters and then actually do any one of the many things you claim you're going to.

"There would be no harm, whatsoever, doing that since MacQuarrie and his ilk feel that its okay to publish defamatory and/or untrue websites and webpages about me/my companies in an attempt to harm my companies and the projects we're working on. Right?"

Show me where one single word I said is false, and I'll happily retract it. Didn't I announce it when I discovered that Jackson Bostwick had committed to your project?

"On top of that, there's no problem, for MacQuarrie, in posting something so untrue, in every regard, on the BombShell movie page of IMDb.com, which means that I can publish and forward TRUE information to EVERYONE who would want to know about it! RIGHT?"

Nothing I posted at IMDB is untrue. You're lucky you retracted that auction before the Feds caught you. It was a clear violation of SEC laws.

"If it is not okay, just let me know by simply removing any negative webpages about me/my companies and appending an apology on any negative posts, such as the one on IMDb. If that happens, then I'll know that such a thing is not feasible to do, on my part. Otherwise, I simply don't know any better and I'll start by having the necessary e-mails published on this site VERY SOON. If I'm not given the described indication not to do this, it won't be my fault if the WRONG PEOPLE (or RIGHT PEOPLE...depending on your perspective of the situation) are notified about it. Right?"

Is that a threat? Go for it. Are you just going to make up e-mails, the way you made up that conversation with Jacki Baskow? Here's a tip: Get someone to help you with that, because so far all your supporters mangle the language exactly the same way you do.

I retract nothing. I apologize for nothing.Deal with it.

"I hope MacQuarrie lets me know soon because I'll be having my staff get busy on publishing those first thing in the morning."

Bring it on, Sparky. I'm forwarding the URL for this page to my attorney. I hope I can get him to stop laughing long enough to contact you.
*

[MacQuarrie]

Re: "J-Bolt, are you calling me a liar?" by MacQuarrie

Bolt, maybe you con't know anything about consumer protection laws. Until the product is in the customer's hands, it's the seller's responsibility. The sale is not concluded until the product is received. Putting it in the mail is not the limit of your responsibility. If it got lost or damaged in the mail, you are legally required to refund or replace the goods. You really don't want to involve postal investigators. They are rather humorless.

By the way, "You'll All Be Sorry" is the name of the humor column Gail wrote for a couple of years; it's not a warning about what people can expect. And of course, anything that's been said about you there is directly the result of your own conduct there. You teach people how to treat you.

And what is this mainframe you keep talking about? Do you know what a mainframe is? You certainly don't have one in your apartment. This is you trying to impress people and only succeeding in being absurd, parading your ignorance.

[MacQuarrie]

Just so you know...

We never made fun of Dwight or mocked him in any way. We posted his article without comment. The fact that he got a negative response from the readers can't possibly be our fault. As proof, here, from my archives, are the actual pieces Dwight submitted to Monkey Spit:

What a pile of crap!
Macquarrie, I think you remember me from the San Diego comic con a few years
ago (or at least you should; I think I gave you some GREAT advice even if
you choose not to follow it). In case you can't remember, this is Dwight R.
Vlahos.

Look, I think you're little funny site is kind of cute and everything, but
what kind of services are you really offering to the community at large?
You've got all this "humor" on this thing, but really, where is the
hard-hitting journalims or at least commentary that helps the casual comic
reader and unabashed fans stay informed on everythig that is improtant to
comics? Where are the previews, the reviews, at the LEAST a column talking
about the steat of the industry, which is on its last legs thanks to idioicy
like what you guys are doing.

I know, you're probably afraid of me and what I could do for your site. I've
included a couple of samples of work as an attachment. If you're anything
like all the other sites on the 'net, you're going to be afraid of what I
have to say as well, so I"m used to that, and it wno't surprise me. I'm
going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you arne't stupid,
and taht you know that you need to balance your "humor site" with some hard
stuff. Professionals know this guys ... and I can help you with the
porfeisoinalism!

if there are a few splelling mistakes, yo uhav eto understand that I"m
typing this in a hurry, as I have to meet me ex-wife to go over stuff about
our house (really my house--i think I told Macquarrie about this last time
we talked). Besides, that's what editors are for, right? As professionals,
we all understand this.

Anyway, your stie is awful, but it could be better.

-dwight

His articles will follow....

[MacQuarrie]

* I Am Not Insane; "Gail Simone" Is A Creation of the Illuminati

By Dwight R. Vlahos

I’m convinced, more and more, that everyone in the world is a moron except for me. The world makes sense in no way other than this, that everyone is a lunatic, except for me. But if everyone is crazy, and you are sane, does that make you insane? Yes, you are insane, but I am not insane. The ex-wife might disagree with this, but that’s why she’s the ex, because she is insane and I am not. Insanity is suggesting selling the collection when you’ve got a house payment. My solution was much simpler. As I explained to the skunk, we can always get a new house, but ****it woman, you don’t just FIND near-mint copies of the entire run of Charlton’s The Thing on e-bay every day of the week.

I’m not going to waste precious netspace with rantings about the skunk. She isn’t really worth the effort. I don’t think about her. Ever. At all. I’m done thinking about her. See, I’m not thinking about her right now at all. I’m not thinking about the time she put all of my old Archie Digests into a BOX and left them near the WATERHEATER where they developed a strange MOLD that probably caused my pneumonia. NOT, as the skunk used to say, because we kept the heat at 50 degrees to save money. Learn to wear a sweater woman; I don’t care if they make you look fat! It’s your fat that makes you look fat. I’m done thinking about her.

I exercised the demons of my ex with a(nother) Marvel proposal that went nowhere; Ex-Wives. Some read this proposal and said, "This is an attempt at crass-commercialism, trying to cash in on the exciting buzz of the X-Men movie by slapping X in front of a book and calling it good." Others said, "Is this more crap about your ex-wife?" To which I reply, "It isn’t crap if it sells."

Ex-Wives was aromatherapy. I used to squirt copious amounts of the skunk’s k-mart perfume near my desk before I started cranking on those proposal pages. For writers out there, this is amazingly effective. I’m considering sniffing some old army boots before I write start writing, "Amazing Soldier" again (for any fans out there, No, Sgt. Iron and Machete Woman are NOT getting back together--grow up, it’s just a comic). "Ex-Wives" was about the girls of the X-Men (Storm, Rogue, Shadowcat, Jean Grey, Emma Frost and Queen Iliandra) getting together to do woman things, like shop, bake, talk about the boys, that kind of thing, the kinds of things women do. They then take their sewing group to the next level, which is starting their own supergroup, bent on taking over the world. It would’ve been a company wide maxi-series crossover, with all of the women of Marvel becoming Ex-Wives, enslaving the men folks, and taking over the world (the kicker is when Reed Richards would’ve declared, "But Sue already rules my world!"). Anyway, the story would’ve ended with a new character I created called "The Man" who would come in, "romance" some of the key Ex-Wives, and show them all that the men-folks aren’t so bad, if you know what I mean (I’m with Joe Quesada, comics aren’t for kids, why should they be?). Anyway, I showed the proposal to some friends, they thought that the women seemed phony; I thought they were full of crap, and Marvel passed.

Anyway, strangely, begrudgingly, I discovered that my friends were right. The biggest problem with Ex-Wives was that I had no idea, really, what it was like to be an ex-wife. My imagination couldn’t fill in the gaps of what it was like to be a woman, devastated that their men, "don’t understand them anymore *sob sob*." I KNOW that I write realistic men. Sure, Sgt. Iron may only have half of his brain, two wooden legs and a prosthetic eye, but he’s a guy, and one that many guys can relate to (it’s metaphors, people, learn to read).

Now, I’ve read "Deadpool." I have a certain affinity for the character. Friends have told me before, "Dwight, you’re so much like Deadpool, it’s almost like I want to wretch every time I see your face." I understand what they mean ... it’s like, my spirit and his are so close, it’s scary ... a wise-cracking man of skill who doesn’t look to bad in tights, using guns to solve his problems. I mean, I don’t have the guns, nor do I have a healing factor, and I often think of great comebacks a few minutes after-the-fact, but I know what they’re talking about. I look GREAT in tights.

Now, "Gail Simone" gets this, and she’s writing a guy’s guy. When I’m reading Deadpool, I’m thinking, "Hey, that’s me. That’s me to a t." It’s like "Gail" is following me around, recording the things I would say, and then going back later and translating them into scripts. Of course, I don’t REALLY think I’m being followed (I have medication to help me with that). It’s metaphors, as I’ve said. Anyway, as I’ve finished issue #66, all I have to say is that there is no possible way that "Gail Simone" could be a woman, at least not the one writing Deadpool. A woman couldn’t write a guy that well.

I have a theory. I believe that "Gail Simone" is an internet creation, a pen name being used by a conglomerate of writers, much like William Shakespeare was really a pen name used by a group that was the precursor of the Illuminati to push their "agenda." I can’t prove that there is a "Gail Simone"/Illuminati connection ... my guts say that there is, because I cannot reconcile a woman writing a guy’s guy so well, when I know that guys can only write guys, and women can only write women. So, and I want this on the record, I’m going to be the first to say that "Gail Simone" is actually a creation of the Illuminati, being used as a mouth-piece for various sect members. There is no way that one writer could have such a broad range, especially if she’s a broad. You can take it from me, readers ... watch out for this "woman", especially if she’s writing the men. I’m going back to read everything that she’s written, and when I can decode some of it with my Illuminati handbook, I’ll post a report on the connection.

Anyway, for the folks out there, stick to what you know. I still think that, as a premise, "Ex-Wives" could make a great marvel comic, and is the kind of comic that I imagine women would go for in droves. Perhaps the new editorial board at Marvel now realizes this. It’s all about market expansion, Marvel Comics, you have to get the people into the shops, and some of those people are women. Boys, to get the girls into the shops, we need to be making things that they want, like a Wonder Woman easy bake oven, or Invisible Woman training bras, or She-Hulk tampons, that kind of thing. Woman stuff.

Anyway, I’m not ready to go back to that proposal now, but in the future, I’m all for it. All I need is the right woman to write the woman parts of the comic, because frankly, I don’t understand the woman parts all that well. If you’re a lady interested in breaking into comics, lets go have some coffee and talk about ourselves, and see if we can make a connection. As always, you have my email address or can post a message here.

Zoombaboom, babies!

-dwight.

[MacQuarrie]

* I Know I Know A Lot More Than You Know

Basically, I’ve heard a few negative comments about some of these columns. Essentially, the lines of argument all read the same. Here are three typical questions that I’ll answer one by one after the other.

1. "Dwight, what the hell do you know?" I know a lot more about comics than you do, more than most writers, editors, and many publishers. In fact, the only thing that keeps me from using my vast knowledge to open my own complete publishing venture is the knowledge of how many of my peers would be put out of work by my doing so, and the wish to create no bad blood. We’re all in this together, people, and we need to remember that.
2. "Dwight, why do you think you knows more than the rest of us?" I would give a lengthy answer, but it all boils down to something simple--I don’t think I know, I know I know more than you know. I don’t know how I could put that across with more clearness of words at all.
3. "Dwight, what makes you so **** smart?" This is a really stupid question.

With that in mind, here are some comics that I’ve recently read that are absolute crap, and don’t deserve shelf-space that I’d like to warn everyone about. Everything that is wrong in the industry is in these comics. We’ve got too many so-called "Artistes" creating works that no one in they’re "right mind" will want to look at, especially so-called "humor" creators. I’m developing a theory of what makes a bad book, and from the looks of it, bad books are often written by people with the letters J, O and N in there first name.

Truth Serum #2 (3 issue limited series)
Slave Labor Graphics
by Jon Adams

I was at the comic shop, looking through the bins for issues of "Steeljack Starkey" when I found this on the shelf. In a hurry, I mistook the book for issue #1 of "Blue Devil." The "artist" in question decided to mock this cover by essentially redrawing his own characters over the cover, to create a "parody." The humor on this was lost on me when I went home. I’m no speculator, but even I could recognize the value in a copy of Blue Devil #1 that was printed at a strange size (Truth Serum is a pamphlet work that is printed at an odd size). I read this and was completely lost as to what was going on. There is a character that looks like a monkey that isn’t wearing pants. There are strange other characters with names like "Pirate Man" and "Chuck Nut Charlie." Some advice for Jon Adams, one pro to another; when you want people to read your pamphlet, let them know what it is right on the cover. Making a cover that looks like Blue Devil #1 for your second issue is just asking for people to get angry. I thought about using my attorney to sue Slave Labor Graphics for the price of the comic (and on behalf of the I’m sure hundreds of others who made the same honest mistake), but I’m still paying off my attorney from fees incurred from the divorce. So, lucky for you that I’ve got alimony payments and an ex-wife, otherwise, trouble for you.

Mad Science #1-2
Amaze Ink/Slave Labor Graphics
by Jon Hastings

The biggest plus for this comic is the fact that it doesn’t feature any capes or tights. I had high hopes for this, based on the cover, expecting Lovecraftian horror. Instead, it’s a thick pamphlet, with so many words, and too much going on. In the hands of a skilled publisher, this single book would’ve been three or four. Instead, books like this and "Truth Serum" make me wonder if Slave Labor Graphics understands anything about the comic book market. A smart publisher would’ve taken all the words, the entire story, and spread it as thinly as possible, in order to ensure sales. People, I have to emphasize this because I’m truly frightened that the word isn’t getting out, you have to make the stories make money. This is the best way to go. Maybe I should get out some crayons and right a business plan for you. Stop with the "art" and the "comedy" and make some good, decent books that a man can enjoy. Anyway, mad scientist, brain in a jar, two "cute girls", black and white art, a giant squirrel, lots of words, tours of Santa Cruz, blah blah blah. Books like this make me wheap for the lack of skill in all levels of comic book creation.

Last Kiss #1
Shanda Fantasy Arts
by John Lustig (who trashes Ernie Colon, Dick Giordano and others with his "jokes").

A long time fan of anything Charlton, I had the fortune of buying an original run of "First Kiss" when it was available to me in my youth. This is the kind of comic that should still be published. While some might’ve considered "First Kiss" to be "corny" or "outdated" or "unconnected to reality" I would counter that these books taught me almost everything that I needed to know about women and relationships, without things being overly steamy and such. The care that went into these stories shows in the way that they still hold up. Well, along comes John "rape my youth" Lustig, who bought the rights to the original Charlton classic in 1987, then proceeded to replace the original dialogue and captions with his own brand of "tomfoolery" in some back-ups that appeared in Comics Buyer’s Guide. I read these things and cringed at their lack of jokes, pratfalls, or even gag words. John, if you read this, I’ve got a word of advice--SOUND CAPTIONS ARE FUNNY! Put a wham, a bam, a WHOOPEE in there, and you might have something. As it is, this book is just something I don’t understand. My only thinking is that the publisher, Shanda Fantasy Arts, is a company put together by some child with a lot of money available, or at least someone with a child’s intellect, or possibly someone who is an idiot, or maybe even a whole gaggle of non-smart idiots. I can’t not emphasisze this enough.

You don’t have to take my word for it, though. Here’s a Last Kiss Sample (http://www.lastkisscomics.com/reading/smile1.htm) that they’ve left for people to read on the "internet." Last word of advice from a pro to someone who is obviously aspiring--when you put samples up for people to see, make sure that they are good samples.

These books are in your comic shops. Take a look at them, and then let your retailers know how awful they are. When books like these are stopped, more room will be available to good, decent creators like yours truly. Check out the books, and tell people what you think. If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you’ll do the non-idiot thing and avoid doing stupid idiot things like read stupid idiot books. As always, you have my email address or can post a message here.

Zoombaboom, babies!

-dwight

[MacQuarrie]

An Open Letter to Daniel Way and Marvel Comics
by Dwight R. Vlahos

Publication of a new Deathlok mini for the "Marvel MAX" line is fast
approaching. While my pleas and emails have, to my knowledge, most likely
been ignored, now that I have a forum (a public forum) in which to point out
a few things, I'm going to use it, in the hopes that anything you do to ruin
"Deathlok the Destroyer" as American art can be quickly reversed. This is
assuming that you didn't take any of the advice I provided (freely, only in
the hopes that Deathlok wouldn't be ruined anymore than he already has). If
you did take the advice, excellent, but dirty pool for not just sending a
reply back to say, "hey, thanks Dwight, thanks for the insight." It's the
little things, fellas, that keep us all sane in an insane business like
comics. Professionals know this. Courtesy. Learn this idea. If you did
ignore my advice, then all I can is, "fools," with a sad shake of my head.

Rather than bore my reading audience with details about my well-documented
love for Deathlok the Destroyer/Luther Manning (ask Tyler Robards about this
one, hey Tyler, where are my dishes?), and about my subsequent proposals to
Marvel editorial over the years for a Deathlok revival of one sort or
another. My first pre-dates the Dwayne MacDuffie rendition/travesty that
occurred--Deathlok as pacifist family man, pshaw, what sane man would write
such a thing? Deathlok is NOT a superhero, repeat, not a superhero, repeat
again, not a superhero, repeat once more, Deathlok is not a superhero. Don't
give him any trappings that make him a superhero, like a wife or a secret
identity or that nonsense. He kicks tail with guns, as I've made sure to
include in EVERY SINGLE PITCH I've sent to Marvel for the series. I'll skip
write to the chase. These are the rules to follow for writing Deathlok.

And by rules I mean laws, and by laws I mean that if you don't follow these,
then your Deathlok is just another clown in spandex throwing batarangs. And
by batarangs I mean that as a metaphor for juggling balls, like the kind
that clowns use when entertaining children. If you ignore these rules, as
you have apparently ignored my missives, then your Deathlok will be a clown
juggling clown balls at a clown party for children who like clowns. Granted,
those metaphoric clown balls might be guns, and those metaphoric clowns are
actually men in tights, so I guess it's better to say your new Deathlok will
be a clown juggling guns at a party for kids who like men in tights who
juggle clown balls juggled by cyborgs.

I did a pitch for Deathlok in 1997, if you'll remember, called "Deathlok:
The Man of Iron." A sort of revamping of Deathlok, starting from the ground
up, but using the original source material as a guide-post. The basic story?
Best summed up in this line of marketing that I proposed. "Luther Manning
returns from the grave, and he's going to shoot off his guns!" This is, of
course, a prototypical metaphor for man's inhumanity, and his inability to
resolve conflict without violence, vis-à-vis, explored through his need,
desire, to shoot his weapons. This is not, as my ex-wife has claimed when
I've read her these pitches over the phone, a metaphor (or my attempt at a
metaphor) for sexual dysfunctions of a "premature" sort of nature. No, it's
simpler than that, and at the same time more complicated. It's deeper,
because it isn't about sex, it's about the guns and shooting them, but
realizing in a metatextual way that shooting the guns isn't good, it's bad,
but it's a good feeling to do that. And without the need for any cursing,
either, that's important. But it's definitely not about sexual premature
problems of any sort (not that I have any, despite what the skunk might
say).

I'm off the subject, way off the subject, so let's just get to the rules,
now.

1. Luther Manning is Deathlok. Anyone else that is Deathlok is actually Not
Deathlok, and should be referred to this way. If Deathlok is reimagined as
"Irving Schwartz" then another character should look at Not Deathlok and
say, "That is Not Deathlok, that is Irving Schwartz." Good writers can do
this subtley.

2. If Luther Manning is Not Deathlok, then by issue #3 he should be Deathlok
again.

3. Deathlok is not a superhero. He has powers, he is unstoppable, he has
enemies and he fights them. He has a uniform, not a spandex costume, and not
a faux-uniform like "Ecchs-Men" or "Ex-Force" or my "Ex-Wife" who works at
Burger King, but a uniform. These things do not make him a superhero. He's a
sci-fi character. Learn the difference.

4. Crossovers with Howard the Duck are acceptable only if he shoots the
duck.

5. Crossover with Marvel Proper characters should be considered "out of
continuity" for Deathlok, and only moments up to issue #17 of the original
series should be considered "in-continuity." If these moments occur, then
they should be considered part of Not Deathlok continuity (as most of
Deathlok appearances should be, and are considered, by both the recognized
Deathlok fan community and anyone who is Not Insane).

6. Deathlok is not a superhero. I cannot emphasize this enough. Not Deathlok
might be a superhero, but if Not Deathlok is a superhero, this is okay,
because Not Deathlok is "not Deathlok", it's something else, which is Not
Deathlok. This should be clear.

7. Deathlok will not swear, ever. Luther Manning was an Army Colonel, and a
man of that rank would never swear on purpose. If he does, this is wrong,
and should be immediately explained as a glitch in his programming, or as
something done by someone that is Not Deathlok (see rule 6 for additional
Not Deathlok explainations).

8. Deathlok does not wear tights. Not Deathlok can wear tights, but only
because Not Deathlok is "not Deathlok."

Consider these rules as a vow of chastity of sorts, and follow them. They
are important. Don't fall into that Garth "Penis Envy" Ennis trap of
shooting your mouth off through your lead character while they shoot guns
and swear swear swear. Real men don't swear. Clint Eastwood never swore once
as the Man with No Name, and if he was the Man Named Deathlok, then he would
never need to swear as he shot a plasma grenade into a tank.

Because real men, they don't swear when they shoot plasma grenades, and they
don't wear spandex when they're doing that, and Deathlok is a real man, a
man's man, even though he's a cyborg, and he won't wear tights, and if he
is, then he's Not Deathlok.

Don't write Not Deathlok. Write Deathlok, Luther Manning, man's man, no
tights, shooting things, not a metaphor for sexual dysfunction.

Follow these rules, or risk screwing up a character that is impossible to
screw up if the rules are followed. Remember, no clowns juggling for men in
tights, and you'll be fine.

If you aren't, then I'm around to pick up the pieces. As always, you have my
email address, or can post messages here.

-dwight

[AoAMimic]

Hey, can I be an "ilk" too?

[Sheldon]

Dwight is going to change the world.......he's so smart!

[Dreadstar]

I have never ever been able to tell whether or not Dwight is a comic genius or seriously deranged.


Or both.

[Gail Simone]

Oh, my god, I almost hope he does write a letter to DC. They'll laugh their butts off. "Dear Warner Brothers...SHE HURT MY FEEWINGS! Signed, a guy who never put out any of the stuff he promised he would."

Gail

[Shade]

Dwight has got to be fly.

[MacQuarrie]

Dwight has got to be fly.
No, Dwight is Dwight. I can guarantee you that Fly is not Dwight.

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

I do no tunderstand the need to constanlty belittle and mock fellow creative professionals in a swetting such as this. It is unnecessarily needless and a vritual waste of bandwidth and virtual type. This is j-bolt's forum, is it not, so why should the likes of you be wallowed to besmirtch the likes of him--assuming that you are in fact an actual and not pvirtual person.

Also, this thread is yet more evidence that points to the simple fact the gail simone does not exist--she is, rather, a construct of variosu peples working to entertain the easily swayed masses. She is a talented artifical contsruct, but she is an articial construct none-the-less. Would that my exwife (aka the skunk) were the same, but this is not true. Thankfully, I've managed to get a stay order on spousal support payments fir the moment (plus one to my armor of freelancer!). But getting to the important subject--the question of whether or not gail simone actually exists as a person--I think this thread makes the case for itself.

J-bolt, if you read this--I do have one question--is J-bolt your legal name, or just a posting handle? Do you sign checks as J-Bolt, or do you use another name--if you do take the routeof genius and hire me to help you, I just want to make sure prior before hand that the checks are coming from a legitimate source. Three jobs ago I wokred at a local A&W fast food stand, and the manager there constatnly signed his checks, "The Bob" and the bank wouldn't take them. When I took the checks back, I was concerned--and then the manager claimed that I had not worked there. I've got the uniform Bob--I've got it, you can't deny it. Needles to say, I'm a little paraonoid about checks. Though, I"m jupming the gun--I think j-bolt could use my help, and anyone who is not a moron can see that and would of course see it my way, which is of course the non-moron way.

Also, j-bolt, if you happen to be reading this please pm me I would like to work with you--but strictly as a freelancer--no jobs to tie this man of the world down! I offer reasonable rates for my editoiral prowess and skills, and slightly reasonable (to the laymen at least, the comic companies can't afford me!!) rates for writing duties, including plots, script, dialogue and grammatical-fact checking and errors.

Tlo the rest of you--Macquarries, I still love you baby and would like to work with you--I know you and j-bolt have a dispute but I believe that you can be taken off teh path of moron to the path of not-moron really easily, since yyou are generaly not a moron but a non-morn most of the time anyway. We jsut had our disputes in the past, but that was history, not now, which is the present but could become the future. You see?

As for "gail" well, the non-morons are wise to you.

Zoombaboom babies!

-dwight r. vlahos

[MacQuarrie]

Dwight, I'm really sorry you were hurt by the responses your articles received at Monkey Spit. I'd be glad to work with you again if we can find a project that suits us.

Whatever happens between you and J-Bolt is entirely your business, and won't have any affect on my opinion of you or your work. Good luck with that, but be careful.

By the way, I think somebody is impersonating you at J-Bolt's forum; that last post doesn't sound like you at all. The one called "Thanks!" smells funny to me. He's got you talking about investing in the Bombshell movie.

[Dreadstar]

Gold, I tell you. Pure effing G. O. L. D.!

You are my God, now and forevermore, Dwight. I should fall on my sword because I'll NEVER be able to put that much humor and wit and parody in 10 posts.

I am shamed.

[Shade]

You know what gets me? Is why the Illuminati made the Huntress such a slut!

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

Dwight, I'm really sorry you were hurt by the responses your articles received at Monkey Spit. I'd be glad to work with you again if we can find a project that suits us.

Whatever happens between you and J-Bolt is entirely your business, and won't have any affect on my opinion of you or your work. Good luck with that, but be careful.

By the way, I think somebody is impersonating you at J-Bolt's forum; that last post doesn't sound like you at all. The one called "Thanks!" smells funny to me. He's got you talking about investing in the Bombshell movie.

I get impeasioned, especially on the iinternet, so sometimes I speak before I think, but thinking about it, I'm not sure if I'm a wisest investor for j-bolt, because he needs pros and experience for films--which I have for writing and editing the world of comics. I don't know, we would have to talk about it IF he contact me--we shall see what happens when it happens, like the man says.

Also, I wanted to apologize for such a public chastizement of you--again, impassioned--sometimes I feel like Scott "Slim" Summers, trying to stay calm, but then I get puset and suddenly there's an optic balast of internet ruby laserout there. I wish I could feel like Deathlok, but I've never achieved that--just opitc blasts.

I'm glad that we can happyily possibly work together again--and hopefully you've raised your professional standards to equal mine, as I say with my tongue planted in cheek but with my eye planted on you to let you know that I mean it but am saying it in a playful way.

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

You know what gets me? Is why the Illuminati made the Huntress such a slut!

Are you being serious? The Illuminati have no control over what the "Gail Simone" construct is doing in terms of content--they merely put the cabal into place--at least according to my sources. It's a sipmle thing--how can a woman--think about this, Gail Simone claims to be a woman--how can a woman actually write believable male character, no less comic book characters, that seem real? Anyone who is a non-moron will see that it's impossible. I have thought it about it many times as I've read her comics, and have concluded that only logocially that she is not a she, but is a group. A group of shes MIGHT be able to collectively come up with realistic mens, but I'm not convinced that this is actually possible.

I'm being swayed that she is possibly the four teenage girls, though, but I don't know. Huntress is a slut because she's like my ex-wife--she's got breasts! Dave Sim had is all right, but then the feminuttsos have to make things politically correct. It's too bad that Cerebuss is an awful comic, though. He's got the right ideas, it's just that his comic is terrible. Try some sciience fiction Dave, it's what the kids like!

[Shade]

Are you being serious? The Illuminati have no control over what the "Gail Simone" construct is doing in terms of content--they merely put the cabal into place--at least according to my sources. It's a sipmle thing--how can a woman--think about this, Gail Simone claims to be a woman--how can a woman actually write believable male character, no less comic book characters, that seem real? Anyone who is a non-moron will see that it's impossible. I have thought it about it many times as I've read her comics, and have concluded that only logocially that she is not a she, but is a group. A group of shes MIGHT be able to collectively come up with realistic mens, but I'm not convinced that this is actually possible.

I'm being swayed that she is possibly the four teenage girls, though, but I don't know. Huntress is a slut because she's like my ex-wife--she's got breasts! Dave Sim had is all right, but then the feminuttsos have to make things politically correct. It's too bad that Cerebuss is an awful comic, though. He's got the right ideas, it's just that his comic is terrible. Try some sciience fiction Dave, it's what the kids like!


Okay. Seriously. There is no way this is for real.

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

Okay. Seriously. There is no way this is for real.

what part, the gail simone cabal, or that Dave Sim comics are awful? These are both probably real. It's entirely possible though that gail simone is just one person--I'm just not convinced that a woman could write a realistic tough guy UNLESS there were special circumstances, like she'd been to prison or was a tom boy or something masculine (ie, something male to make up for her femaleness). I still think the likely candidate is that Gail is actually two-four people, but it's POSSIBLE, not likely, but POSSIBLE that I am wrong.

I'm not wrong about Dave Sim though. Right ideas, terrible exceuction.

but I thought this was about j-bolt, who is obviously for real. I think you people (assuming that you are all people) get the wrong idea about a lot of thigns. j-bolt is legit! There's that song, it's not a good song, but it's got the thing in it 2 Legit to Quit. That's j-bolt, 2 zLegit to Quit!

[MacQuarrie]

Okay. Seriously. There is no way this is for real.
Since you've raised the question, I think it's only fair that I address the facts.

I met Dwight Vlahos at the San Diego Comic-Con in 2001. We had both been loitering near Brent Anderson's booth, listening to Mark Evanier, Bob Ingersoll and Paul Smith discuss the old CBR chatroom, and somehow struck up a conversation of our own about the ways that the internet was changing comics fandom. He seemed like a nice enough guy, so I gave him my e-mail address, and we exchanged a few e-mails after the con. When Cream Filled Taco and I began putting Monkey Spit together in October of that year, I thought of Dwight, and when the site went live in January, I included him in the mass e-mail I sent out announcing the project. The correspondence that followed is posted in this thread.

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

Since you've raised the question, I think it's only fair that I address the facts.

I met Dwight Vlahos at the San Diego Comic-Con in 2001. We had both been loitering near Brent Anderson's booth, listening to Mark Evanier, Bob Ingersoll and Paul Smith discuss the old CBR chatroom, and somehow struck up a conversation of our own about the ways that the internet was changing comics fandom. He seemed like a nice enough guy, so I gave him my e-mail address, and we exchanged a few e-mails after the con. When Cream Filled Taco and I began putting Monkey Spit together in October of that year, I thought of Dwight, and when the site went live in January, I included him in the mass e-mail I sent out announcing the project. The correspondence that followed is posted in this thread.

And we've had our ups and downs since then--and I'll admit this is is because of my volatile nature. We had a long talk about the skunk at the SDCC ("don't forget the pretzels baby!"--HAH, remember THAT?), and MacQ was real human about letting me talk to him a stranger then about it.

Look, you might not think that everything I'm saying seems reasonable, but that's your loss not mind. Because people don't always believe other people. It's like when Galileo said the world had a moon, and the church said, "there is no moon Galileo!" and he was burned at the stake. Same thing.

[Gail Simone]

I don't know who Dwight is, but I love him and he's seen through to the truth:

I am a cabal.

DAMN YOU, DWIGHT!

Gail

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

I don't know who Dwight is, but I love him and he's seen through to the truth:

I am a cabal.

DAMN YOU, DWIGHT!

Gail

AT LEAST PROOF OF WHAT WE;VE ALL KNOWN!

Are you two-four people, and how many of you are teenage girls from Oregon? PROOF! I'm putting this into my sginature right after this is done being typed so everyone knows the truth!!!

[MacQuarrie]

I remember the PRETZELS! God that was funny.

So is the skunk still working night-shift at that Denny's? I can just imagine being one of her customers. It would be like being served scrambled eggs by Ilsa the She-Wolf.

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

I remember the PRETZELS! God that was funny.

So is the skunk still working night-shift at that Denny's? I can just imagine being one of her customers. It would be like being served scrambled eggs by Ilsa the She-Wolf.

Ilsa the She-Wolf inDEED! Yeah, I saw her last week--I just went in to get a slamscram and, lo-and-behold, she's recently "changed" her shifts. what a miserable time. It's frustrating, I want a scramslam, there's nowhere else, what am I supposed to do? Scramslam, exwife, scramslam-well I'm not going to let her work habits effect my appetite! Even if eating there did make me sick. I just wish I knew the secret to their butter, then it's scramslams at home just for me!

God, I had that picture, and she saw your kids--we were still trying to have a go at it--and she saw your kids and said, "I want to eat them up!" This was years ago. And I thought she was meant that they were cute, but now I don't know. Just keep an eye out if she calls--I'm not trying to say she's a canibal, but saying you want to eat children is'nt the sign of someone with a healthy.Anyway, I was just thinkinga bout it so I thought i'd mention it.

[Shade]

I'm still not convinced this isn't some elaborate hoax.


But either way it's a fun one.

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

I'm still not convinced this isn't some elaborate hoax.


But either way it's a fun one.

But she admitted it! While I agree that "her" comics are a fun hoax, the question of whether or not she is a cabal has been answered--Gail admitted it! What more proof do you need to be ocvninced of the accuracy of the claim "Shade" if that is your real name?

[Shade]

But she admitted it! While I agree that "her" comics are a fun hoax, the question of whether or not she is a cabal has been answered--Gail admitted it! What more proof do you need to be ocvninced of the accuracy of the claim "Shade" if that is your real name?

I meant that I'm not sure YOU aren't a hoax. MacQ has pulled some great practical jokes on all of us before and you are a bit hard to believe.

[Dwight R. Vlahos]

I meant that I'm not sure YOU aren't a hoax. MacQ has pulled some great practical jokes on all of us before and you are a bit hard to believe.

Of course I'm not a hoax, I don't understand this. Are you saying my life is a joke? This is an interesting charge coming from a man named Shade--is that your real name, or some kind of made up name? Is this another one of the "jokes" that this forum is infamous for? Is this some kind of liberal thing or comedy, just wondering.

The important part here is that we all now know that Gail Simone is a cabal, which proves a theory I've had for several years now going back.

[Spike-X]

This is the response to Mac's response to "One Last Thing About The Bash Forums", by a fella named 'Geekfest' -

"I haven't visited this forum in a long while, an dwhile I am disappointed to see that there hasn't been more progress on the Bombshell movie, I'm really surprised by how angry some of the posts here are.

MacQuarrie in particular seems to be in rather a snit. If I understand correctly, and please tell me if I'm wrong, he ordered some posters from LBC and hasn't yet received them. That surely can't be sufficient motivation for the vindictive screed he posted on his website. Speaking of a lack of progress, how long has it been since he updated that thing? Maybe if he spent less time venting his wrath at J-Bolt, he'd find the time to draw a new cartoon or write a new Rantman piece.

J-Bolt, you probably ought to just take the loss and send the guy some new posters. Then he couldn't accuse you of cheating him anymore."

And here's my response (until it gets deleted, anyway) -

"And maybe if J-Bolt spend more time producing an actual comic and less time whining about how everybody's against him, then maybe not as many people would be against him?

Seriously - a J-Bolt supporter suggesting that somebody else should produce new work more often? That's hilarious."

[Cream Filled Taco]

Here's my addition to the saga for those who can't view it:

J-Bolt, has it really come to this? All the promises, and all the excuses, and everyone on the "bash boards" giving you several chances to come up with actual products of any kind, and you still keep your insane bluff going. Noooo, it's always someone else's fault that you have no actual comic, movie, positive Ebay feeback, etc.

I'm quite positive you will either ban me (good luck, there's always a way to get into your "mainframe"), erase this message, or simply deny all logic and reason with your standard response of saying you have real product, and if everyone would just believe you with blind faith, then you'd deliver the wonders of the ages. But regardless, let me say this:

You bring this entirely on yourself.

Do you know why you get bashed and made fun of all the time? Consider this for a moment. What happens when someone spews loads of promises on a group of people, and then never delivers a single thing? He gets mocked. What happens when that person returns again, he's given a second chance to prove himself, and doesn't deliver on any of what he's promised again? He gets laughed at. And what happens when he's questioned on the facts of the situation, and he gets angry and defensive over the slightest question to his version of the facts? He gets bashed. What happens when a few people (Gail and I) offer to read his work, to give him honest opinions and advice, and he asks them to jump through absurd legal loops just to read anything he's ever written? He gets a mass of shaking heads. What happens when someone wants to interview him, to get his complete side of the story, and in good faith buys some posters from him, yet never sees the posters, nor gets the interview, and the seller's auction name has been banned from Ebay for various infractions? He loses any and all respect. What happens, J-Bolt? You get made fun of, bashed, and watched for future problems to be observed and noted. What else can we do?

You've given us no reason to trust you or admire you. You've made yourself a joke. Several of us would love for you to actually deliver on any of your promises. Hell, one of the posters you were supposed to mail was for me, and I actually paid MacQuarrie for it, so you owe me as well. Thanks a bunch, J-Bolt. Yet another reason for me to not respect you, and to keep my eye on you.

Erase this if you'd like. You know it's all true, unless you're crazy. I don't know why you do the wacky things you do, but whether you like it or not, it's very funny to everyone who's watching. Unless there's money involved, which is why MacQuarrie will chase you to the end. Give the man his (and my) money back, or give him the posters. You've gone beyond silly (grand empty promises), and jumped into evil (Ebay theft, blackmailing Gail). Grow up. Maybe someday you'll regain some respect, and you will be taken seriously.

CFT

[Spike-X]

As of now, all posts are still up. Perhaps J-Bolt and his huge staff that run his many companies are working so feverishly on producing comics and movies that they don't have time to clear their forum of troublemakers? Or perhaps they're having trouble "accessing the mainframe" again?










"Okay, whose turn was it to pay the AOL bill this month?"

[Gail Simone]

His staff are working on the mainframe in the nuclear hovercraft, solving crimes while touring the country with his rock band.

Gail

[Jacob Banyan]

wow J-Bolt is like Buckaroo Banzai... minus the whole genius part.

[Cream Filled Taco]

His staff are working on the mainframe in the nuclear hovercraft, solving crimes while touring the country with his rock band.

Gail

Just don't offer to play bass for him, or he'll tell your other band.

[MacQuarrie]

All my posts are gone now. Good thing I archived them here.

And it looks like GeekFest is startign to turn on J-Bolt!

[Gail Simone]

What did GeekFest say?

Gail

[Cream Filled Taco]

What did GeekFest say?

Gail

My message has been deleted as well. Here's what GeekFest said:

As I said before, I'm an impartial observer, and you may have noticed from earlier posts (such as the one several months back conerning the origin of the term "ashcan"), I'm a bit of a stickler for accuracy and precision of speech. I there fore feel it necessary to point out to you that in one paragraph you refer to your adversary by two different derogative variations on his name, and then in the next paragraph claim you don't waste time on putting others down. This would seem to be something of a contradiction.

Of more concern, however, is your statement that you've been saying all along "that he should spend more time updating his own work than claiming that I am not doing mine." I've been reading this forum regularly since I first posted on it way back when, and I've never seen you make that statement. In fact, the only person who has ever said anything remotely like that is me. I'm happy that you agree with me, but please don't try to claim credit for my comments, which is what you appear to be doing here.

You should also be aware that your remarks regarding sending MacQuarrie replacement posters is probably actionable and not really defensible. As he said in one of the deleted posts, the sale is not complete until the item is received. Have you ever ordered something, and had it not arrive, or have it arrive in damaged condition and have to return it? Did you know that US law requires that any item sold through the US mail comes with a 100% no-questions return/replacement policy? If a comany sends a product through the mail, they are required by law to replace any missing or defective item and also to accept a return of any item for any reasona t all and provide a full refund. REfusing to do so leaves you liable to fraud charges, and the postal service generally seeks prison time for violators. A word to the wise is sufficient.

I'm somewhat curious about another point: Aside fromt he forum at comicbookresources, are there other "bash forums" at which MacQuarrie, Simone and others are regularly besmirching your name? You seem to imply that there are. I checked the forums at Monkey Spit, but they are mostly unused, and the few comments there are pretty mild.

Can you tell me where such forums are? I'd like to post there and offer a more objective view, since I feel I have something of a grasp of each side's opinion. Perhaps I could mediate this dispute to an amicable resolution?

[MacQuarrie]

I just got a note from my attorney. My demand letter has been written and is going out in the mail today.

[Crowley]

Mac,

I'm posting that on J Bolt's forum for ya.

[MacQuarrie]

Mac,

I'm posting that on J Bolt's forum for ya.
Thanks ever so. My work IP is blocked and I just don't have time to go looking for a decent anonymous portal to use.

Any recommendations?

[Cream Filled Taco]

Thanks ever so. My work IP is blocked and I just don't have time to go looking for a decent anonymous portal to use.

Any recommendations?

There are several, but you can only use them once. Several have already been blocked by him. I'll email you.

[Gail Simone]

Guys, I love reading J-bolt's wacky stuff as much as anyone, but...

Maybe we should just let his boards die. No one ever posts there.

What do you think?

Gail

[MacQuarrie]

Guys, I love reading J-bolt's wacky stuff as much as anyone, but...

Maybe we should just let his boards die. No one ever posts there.

What do you think?

Gail
Sure, as soon as he makes good on the posters.

Edited to add: I only took the issue to his boards because it was the only shot at contacting him once his site went down and his Earthlink address went inactive. The carnival of lunacy there lately is just a side-be