A New Script

[ash and the revolution]

Just wanted to get some reactions to a script I wrote for one of my comic book series'. I've had a few artist fall through, so I'm still looking for someone (wink), but for now I'd like to hear what people think. I removed some of the frame sizes and directions to make it easier for you guys to read. Hope you enjoy.

Some back story (very condensed): In 1972 America suffers through an oil crisis, due to an oil embargo put on them by the countries of the Middle East. Acting fast, America separates itself from the world and attempts to harvest and refine it's own oil, as well as setting up breeder reactors for alternate fuel, and relying on themselves for food and trade. Refineries, oil rigs and reactors pop up all across America. They have become self sufficient. The Utopia doesn't last however. Many states, unable to produce or refine oil, are neglected by the government. Outraged, they take up arms. A second Civil War breaks out. Factories, machines and reactors are sabotaged and destroyed. Disease spreads, as the death toll rises. America slowly wipes itself off the map.

My Story follows an older man named 'Dent' on his adventures as he unravels the truth behind the new world.

Conspiracy theories abound!

Edit: When reading this, picture a steampunk, wild west, post apocalyptic version of 2003. :)

[ash and the revolution]

Page 1: four panels

Panel one:
A sign for a self serve gas station lays in a muddy puddle, half submerged. Rain drops send ripples across the puddle.

1 Small Text Overlay: Billings, Montana. 1979.

Panel two:
A shot of the same sign as a boot splashes through the puddle.

2 SFX: Sploosh.

Panel three:
A young Dent, rifle held high in one hand, turns his head back over his shoulder to face the reader. It appears that he is running toward a war zone that used to be a city. Mortars explode in front of him.

3 Dent: Move your ass!

Panel four:
Dent leads his men forward. (These men should be in something similar to US Vietnam era fatigues. American flag patches on the arms, etc...) One man falls back from a shot to the head. A few men in the back are being overtaken by a bomb blast from behind them. This would be cool as a side shot, with the men silhouetted in the faded orange and red colors of the setting sun.

Page 2: five panels

Panel one:
Front view of Dent rushing his men into battle. The man to his left takes a bullet and falls.

Panel two:
Same front view of Dent. The man to his right falls.

Panel three:
Dent is alone. His eyes are now wide. A spray of blood covers his face.

Panel four:
Dent starts to fall to his knees. His rifle is still in this left hand, his right hand is covering a fresh wound in his stomach.

Panel five:
Dent is on his knees, statuesque with this rifle in his left hand, using it to balance himself. A group of men surround him, pointing their rifles. (These men should also be in US Vietnam era type fatigues, but a different color. Actually, as long as you can see American flag patches on their fatigues, I don't much care what they look like. As long as it's apparent that both sides are American.)

Page 3: three panels

Panel one:
Completely blacked out, with words beginning to fade in. Shown with small unrecognizable letters growing larger and more clear.

1 Punk (O.P.): Did you hear me old timer?

Panel two:
Close up of Dent's eyes. Surprised, yet worn out and rugged.

2 Small Text Overlay: New Saints, Midwest Territories. 2003.

3 Dent: Gasp.

Panel three:
Dent , a worn out man just entering his 50's, sits at a dingy, dimly lit bar with a western feel to it. A worn backpack rests next to his chair. A walking stick within arms reach. His bare feet resting on one of the bar stool rungs, and his boots slung over his shoulder.

4 Dent (V.O.): Just a bad dream.

Page 4: five panels

Panel one:
A wide shot of Dent at the bar revealing a punk, dressed in what looks like an oil riggers clothes, and pair of goggles, pointing a gun at Dent. We can see the bar tender huddled behind the bar, kind of peeking his head up a bit. The Punk pulls back the hummer on the gun.

1 SFX: Click.

2 Dent (V.O.): Maybe not.

3 Punk: Think this one's stone deaf.


Panel two:
A second punk in similar clothes throws one of the bars working girls on the floor. In the background a third punk is holding up a couple of gamblers.

4 Dent (V.O.): I'm tired. Just wanted to rest my feet, maybe have a drink...

5 Punk #2: Jesus, just grab what he's got.

Panel three:
The first punk forces Dent's head to bar, with his gun, and leans over his face and Dent stares off into space.

6 Dent (V.O.): ...But these three clowns went lookin' fer trouble.

7 Punk: I swear to god old man, just one move.

Panel four
The man rummages though Dent's bag, still pressing the gun against Dent's neck.

8 Dent (V.O.): One of 'em went and got himself a six-shooter. Thinks it makes him somebody.

9 Punk (O.P.): Hey, check out the teddy bear.

Panel five:
The punk pulls a teddy bear from Dent's bag.

10 Punk: You one of them queer old timers that likes little kids or somethin'?

Page 5: six panels

Panel one:
Wide shot of the bar, showing each punk robbing their victims. The bar tender is still cowering behind the bar.

1 Punk #2: Stop messin' around! What's he got on him?

2 Punk: Come on old man. Where's the coins, the fresh water?

Panel two:
The punk grabs Dent's boots from his shoulder.

3 Punk: Aw, he ain't got shit 'cept these boots.

Panel three:
Close up of Dent's eyes glancing to his right.

4 Punk (O.P.) : Looks about my size though. Heh.

Panel four:
The base of Dent's bar stool is shoved back by Dent's weight.

4 SFX: Screech!

Panel five:
Dent twists the punk's arm breaking it, while positioning himself behind the punk and firing the gun off into the distance.

5 SFX: Snap!

6 Punk: Gaaah!

7 SFX: Blam!

Panel six:
A bullet fires into the shoulder of the second punk that was robbing the hooker.

8 Punk #2: Ooof.

Page 6: four panels

Panel one:
Shown from behind the third punk, looking toward Dent. Dent's back is toward him. The punk is holding a knife.

Panel two:
Close up on Dent's face. He's looking to the left, with a half smirk on his face. We can see the knife wielding punk over his shoulder coming for him.

Panel three:
Dent stands at the large bar front window, that is now completely shattered. Outside the window the knife wielding punk is crumpled up against one of the building uprights. Show this from kind of a low angle, putting Dent in the back ground, and the punk in the foreground.

1 Bartender: T-thanks mister.

Panel four:
A side view of Dent stepping though the opening in the window/

2 Bartender: Anything you need, you just ask.



Page 7: four panels

Panel one:
The same side view, except now Dent is kneeling down, looting through the punks pockets and pulls a pack of cigarettes out.

1 Bartender: ...

Panel two:
Dent finds a sack of coins on the knife wielding punk.

2 Bartender (O.P.): Jesus, look at this place. What am I gonna do now?

Panel three:
Close up on the bartender. The sack of coins is tossed into his hands.

3 Dent (O.P.): Buy a round on this guy.

Panel four:
The Bartender stares out in awe. He is surrounded the bar patrons.

4 Bartender: But...

Page 8 and 9: Splash

Dent lights a cigarettes as he crosses a dirt road in a full shot of New Saints. It's name displayed on one of those old school wooden signs that acts as an entry way to the town. It's a wild west looking outpost with more modern updates. Steam run generators powering neon signs on saloons and trading posts. People bargaining and trading in the streets. A few people on horseback riding through town. A few laborers unload crates from a steam run wagon. New Saints is a large trade outpost, and it's busy as hell. Through out the town, there should be anti-judges signs displaying the symbol for the judges and reading, "Judges not welcome. Will be shot on sight." Maybe have one posted on the wooden sign post, whatever.

Page 10: five panels

Panel one:
Dent makes his way through busy streets. People selling food of all sorts. Questionable meats, maybe they have hanging furs from what we would call domesticated animals, rock filtered water, raw vegetables, things like that.

1 Dent (V.O.): Those kids should be taken care of. Most towns this size have their own justice system.

2 Vendor: Fresh feline. Fresh canine. Get it here.

Panel two:
Dent continues on through the crowd. He glances at an anti-judge sign.

3 Dent (V.O.): A much fairer one than the alternative anyway.

Panel three:
Dent stops in front of the town information board. People hiring for random jobs. Flyers for town events. Signs for missing children. Even missing adults.

4 Dent (V.O.): Whatever that's worth.

5 Charlie (O.P.): Lookin' fer work?

Panel four:
Dent turns and is standing face to face with Charlie Broderick. Sheriff and Mayor of New Saints. He dresses like he's wealthy, but honestly his clothes wouldn't look out of place on a bum. Charlie extends his hand.

6 Dent: Something like that.

7 Charlie: Sheriff Charlie Broderick's the name. And you are?

Panel five:
Charlie and Dent shake hands

8 Dent: Denton Thomas. Most just call me Dent.

Page 11: five panels

Panel one:
Charlie motions with his arm while looking around at the town.

1 Charlie: Well Mr. Thomas, this is my town, so anything you need... or do, comes through me.

2 Dent: I see.

Panel two:
Close up of Dent's walking stick. With his thumb, he secretly pushes the top part of the stick up, revealing a bit of the sword inside

3 SFX: Click (small)

Panel three:
Charlie slaps his arm down on Dent's shoulder.

4 Charlie: Not to worry Mr. Thomas. You did the community a service.

5 SFX: Click (small toward the bottom of the panel)

Panel four:
Dent looks down at Charlie's hand, which has become and annoyance to Dent already.

6 Dent: I didn't do it for the community so much as principle.

Panel 5
Charlie removed his hand is brushing them together in an attempt to remove the dust.

7 Charlie: Regardless, those boys'll be taken care of. I'm sure you've seen the signs about our feelings on the judges. We have a much fairer Justice system, than what you would find out there.

8 Dent (V.O.): Funny, that's not as comforting coming from someone else's mouth.

[ash and the revolution]

Page 12: four panels

Panel one:
Charlie opens his arm as if he was showing Dent the town around them.

1 Charlie: I run a tight ship around here, and the town stays safe.

Panel two:
Dent turns back to the board. Missing Children. Missing Adults.

2 Charlie (O.P.): And in this day and age, that's what's most important.

3 Dent: I see.

Panel three:
Five nuns walk together in a group, reciting the rosary. The nun in back however is peeking over her shoulder toward Dent and Charlie in the distance. This nun is Eloa.

4 Nuns: To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve.

Panel four:
A close up of the Eloa's face glaring at Dent.

5 Nuns: To thee do we send up our sighs

6 Eloa: Mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.

Page 13: five panels

Panel one:
Dent settles up to the bar.

1 Bartender: Hey everybody, it's the hero of the hour. What can I get you?

Panel two:
Dent's profile.

2 Dent: Just like a drink and room, if ya got one.

3 Bartender (O.P.): Sure thing, buddy.

Panel three:
Tessa, one of the bar prostitutes that Dent saved, slinks past Dent and slides her hand across Dent's back

4 Tessa: Well, if it isn't my knight in shining armor.

Panel four:
The bartender leans in as she passes.

5 Bartender: That's Tessa. She's awfully grateful at what you did. Ya want me to send her up to the room?

6 Dent: Just the drink and the room, please.

Panel five:
The bartender sets the drink down as well as a key attached to a wooden tag that reads 8.

7 Bartender: Suit yourself cowboy.




Page 14: nine panels
(Alternate each panel between being dimly lit and lit in red.)

Panel one: red
A shot of the rooms door. Closed.

Panel two:
Dent enters.

Panel three: red
(red) Silhouette of Dent crossing in front of the window. Just outside the window is a flashing red neon sign for the New Saints Saloon.

Panel four:
Dent throws his bag beside the bed.

Panel five: red
As Dent stands in front of the bed, he removes his over coat to reveal a gun in a gun belt strapped around his waist and tied off at the leg, as well a knife sheathed across the back of the belt.

Panel six:
He removes his belt, and shirt. His entire back and arms are covered in tattoos, though they are hard to make out in the dim lighting, it faintly resembles some kind of Irezumi.

Panel seven: red
Dent pulls a journal or diary of some sort from his bag.



Panel eight:
Dent is sitting on the edge of his bed, flipping through the book. There is some sort of tattoo on his chest, above his heart, but it can't be made out in the dim lighting.

Panel nine: red
Kind of the same shot of him reading the book. This time in the glow of the red light, we can make out the tattoo. The symbol of the judges.


1 Diary excerpt: AC 2001. April 5. I finally arrived. God this place is great. Just big enough to hide, and it looks like a promising place for a new start.

Page 15: eight panels
(continue to alternate between red and dim.)

Panel one:
Dent sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. The diary sits beside him.

1 Diary excerpt: So many people come and go through here each day, blending in should be easy.

Panel two: red
Dent lays back on the bed, with his arms perched behind his head.

2 Diary excerpt: Now I just kill time before meeting up with Sig. Need to start looking for a place to sleep anyway.

Panel three:
Dent sits at the edge of the bed and removes his boots.

3 Diary excerpt: AC 2001. April 6. Sig never showed up last night. He probably got delayed for any number of reasons. Comes with his job I guess.

Panel four: red
Dent is now standing at a wash bowl, splashing water on his face.

4 Diary excerpt: Couldn't find anywhere that had an open room. Not surprising, seeing how this place is so damn busy.


Panel five:
Dent shaves with a straight razor.

5 Diary excerpt: Took a risk sleeping out in a field on the edge of town, but I don't want to risk it again tonight.

Panel six: red
Dent leans against the window, looking out to town.

6 Diary excerpt: This place doesn't take kindly to that kind of thing. Gonna hunt for a room and wait to hear from Sig.

Panel seven:
Overhead. Dent lays on his back in bed, arm resting behind his head, his gun rests on his stomach.

7 Diary excerpt: AC 2001. April 6. Found a room finally. Had to be a little flirtatious with the bartender who runs it. A little cleavage goes a long way.

Panel eight: red
Same overhead shot. Dent is asleep.

8 Diary excerpt:: Time for bed. Good night.

Page 16: splash page with one panel

Full page: Dent snaps up out of bed, wide eyed and alert. He's bathed in the neon red light, but this time it seems much brighter.

1 Daniel (O.P.): GAAAAHHHHHHHH. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Panel one:
Close shot. Dent thumbs back the hammer on his gun.

Page 17: five panels

Panel one:
Dent stands in the doorway of his room, as people run in a panic down the hall.

1 SFX: DING DING! DING DING!

2 Bartender (O.P.): Get the fire brigade here now!

Panel two:
The bartender runs past his door, Dent stops him.

3 Dent: What's going on?

4 Bartender: Looks like a judge came through.


Panel three:
Dent is back in his room. He stares up at the ceiling, thinking.

Panel four:
He grabs the diary from the side of his bed.

Panel five:
He stands on a chair and tucks the diary into a dark area in the rafters.

Page 18: five panels.

First panel:
A man, tied to a stake, burning. A sign at the base of the fire reads: Daniel Williams, wanted in Westborrow on three counts of rape. Sentence: Death.

1 Daniel: NYAAAAH!

Panel two:
Charlie Broderick, the bartender and a crowd on onlookers stare into the fire.

2 Bartender: Poor bastard.

3 Onlooker: If you ask me, he had it coming.

Panel three:
Same shot, only now Dent is in the background with his gun raised.

4 Charlie: You don't find this unjust? Harsh?

Panel four:
Close up of Daniel's face with a bullet hole between the eyes.

6 SFX: BLAM!


Panel five:
Dent stands with a smoking gun down to his side.

7 Dent: Ask the people he raped.

Page 19: four panels

Panel one:
Dent heads back up the stairs toward him room. Charlie is at the bottom of the steps in the foreground.

1 Charlie: Mr. Thomas.

Panel two:
On Dent's face. Charlie is in the background now.

2 Charlie: You must understand that this is not how we do things here. We live under a more civilized law, to protect the people and the town.

Panel three:
On Charlie's face.

3 Charlie: This is why we must not allow these Judges to enact their vigilante justice.

Panel four:
A side shot of Dent and Charlie at the stairs.

3 Dent: No more vigilante than my own actions this afternoon.

4 Charlie: Your actions protected innocent people, these Judges are no more than bounty hunters. There is a difference.

Page 20: three panels

Panel one:
Same shot as before, except now Dent continues walking up the stairs.

1 Dent: I'm not so sure.

2 Charlie: I assure you there is, Mr. Thomas. I believe you know this.


Panel two:
Same Shot, except Dent has stopped again.

3 Charlie: You said this morning you were looking for work. Come by my office in the morning. I'm sure I can find some use for you.

Panel three:
Same shot. Dent moves on.

4 Dent: Good night, Sheriff.

Page 21: six panels

Panel one:
Dent drags a chair to the center of the room.

Panel two:
Dent searches the rafters with a confused look.

Panel three
Close up on Dent's hand in the rafters. There is no book, only a rosery.

Panel four:
Dent snaps his dead around. There is a noise at the window.

Panel five:
Dent walks toward the balcony. Eloa, still in her habit, is pressed against the building outside his window. Show this from outside the building.

Panel six:
Same shot. Dent checks the small balcony at the window. Eloa disappears into the shadows at the roof.

Page 22: five panels

Panel one:
Dent rolls the rosary in his hand. He looks across the street between two buildings.

Panel two:
Judge Benjamin is between the two buildings lighting a cigarette.

Panel three:
Dent puts the rosary on as he turns away from the window.
Panel four:
Judge Benjamin takes a drag from his cigarette and glares up at Dent's window.

Panel five:
Judge Benjamin stays hidden in the shadows, as some of the fire brigade douse the burning man with water. He watches as the bartender slips away, back to his saloon.

Page 23: five panels

Panel one:
The bartender washes a glass in the foreground. In the background, Judge Benjamin enters the saloon.

1 Bartender: We're closed for the night, pal. Seems a Judge is about.

2 Judge Benjamin: Shame.

Panel two:
The bartender turns. He's nervous.

3 Bartender: Oh, I -- I didn't know it was you.

Panel three:
The bartender pours an unsteady shot.

4 Judge Benjamin (O.P.): He's in his room then?

Panel four:
The bartender slams his shot.

5 Bartender: Mmhmm.

Panel five:
Close on Judge Benjamin's face, sporting a sinister grin.

6 Bartender (O.P.): Room 8. Just like you said.

Page 24:

Panel one:
Judge Benjamin walks past the bar.

1 Bartender: An -- and the money?
Panel two:
Judge Benjamin (O.P.), throws a sack of coins on the bar.

Panel three:
The Judge heads up the stairs.

2 Judge Benjamin: I would leave now if you plan on enjoying it.

Panel four:
Overhead view of Dent laying in bed.

3 Judge Benjamin (V.O.): Things could get noisy.



DUN DUN DUN!