More Make Me Laugh, Please!

[Gail Simone]

Funny stuff especially welcome!

Please keep this thread politics free, if you don't mind.

Gail

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Now Gail you like SCTV , well SNL has Its moments and this was from 2003 , with Mathew McConaughey (EdTV,Dragonfire!).


The sketch starts as Mathew G is leading a speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.He's dressed like a hippie.


"Mathew M: "And thats why we gotta Protest this oil war!"


Sanz: "Yeahhh Oil war!!"


Parnell: "Yeahhh blow Saddam's ass to hell!"


Mathew M: "No No...were against the War!"


Fallen: "Hey this the Protest to stop killin dolphins? Free the Dolphins!"


Parbell: " Yeahhh free the Dolphins!!"


Mathew M: " No ..this Is a protest to stop the War and Bush from killin babies for oil!"


Sanz: " Yeahhh stop Abortion!!"


Fallen: "Yeahh Abortion sucks!"


Parnell : "Pro life!!"


Mathew M: "Look this protest Isn't about freein dolphins or abortion.Its about stoppin the oil war! Are you guys high or somethin?

(a few seconds pass as all 3 look up at Mathew puzzled.


Sanz: "Legalize , weed yeahhh!!!"


Fallen: " The Dolphins can't be killed anymore!Free the dolphins!"


Parnell: " Stop abortion!"


Mathew M: "Ok thats It!You guys lead a protest on whatever ya want.I quit!"


Ok It has a few political themes.But I laughed my ass off with this sketch.

[heystacy]

But I'm a lover not a laugher. Maybe the love's laughable. Damn! Gotta go make some calls. ;)

[Mia]

Okay...I can't show the picture, 'cause I don't have it. But it's a funny cartoon I saw and I can't stop laughing whenever I think about it:

A man has placed his toddler down for the night. And just as he turns to leave the toddler says to him:
"We had better go to the zoo tomorrow. Or you'll hear from my lawyer."

***

(Keep in mind how women react when they go to social events and see another woman wearing the same outfit.)

This woman goes to a funeral wearing a polka dot dress. And looks down and sees the desceased woman wearing the exact same dress. The woman mutters to herself:
"That b!tch."


****
There was a young girl by the name of Carmen Cohen. Her mother caller her "Carmen" and her father "Cohen". So half the time she didn't know if she was "Carmen or Cohen"

******

A man is a guest speaker at a business seminar and he says: "My name is John Smith. But I'd prefer it if you would let me be Frank."

*****

A priest is walking through a grave yard and finds a man lying over a grave sobbing profusely and beating his fists into the ground in despair.
The Man: Oh why did you die! My life was ruined when you died!
The Priest says: This person must have meant a lot to you.
The man (crying): I'll say!
The priest: Who was it?
The man: My wife's first husband.

***

A farmer takes his wife to the county fair. While there they meet a pilot who is giving flying lessons in an open air plane for $50 per person. The farmer tells the pilot the price is too expensive. The pilot tells him that if he goes up in the plane and doesn't scream or cry out once the trip is free. The farmer thinks that this is a good deal so he climbs into the plane. The Pilot takes him up. And he does all his tricks. He does a dive bomb. He does a "loop de loop". But not once does the farmer scream. Finally after the pilot lands the plane he says to the farmer.
"Congratulations. You didn't cry out once. You should be really proud of yourself."
Beaming with pride the farmer says:
"Oh you really had me going there when my wife fell out of the plane."

[blackcanary_416]

Im writing a little column called 'Comic Girls' its a comedy with four super heroines. It is funny. You should check it out. Im on the second part. There is an archives section for the first:

Comic Girls (http://hometown.aol.com/blackcanary416/comicgirls.html)

[monkeysweat]

I think this is funny...

http://onfinite.com/libraries/124421/2b2.jpg

[Kyuubi]

A lesson in forum posting from our friend Mr. Period (http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3)

[Kyuubi]

Richard Simmons on Who's Line is it Anyway? (http://mensrea.spymac.net/wholinesim1.wmv)

Almost had me crying from laughing to much.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

You could go and read my "Madman of the City" at the Never Ending Board Gail.I bring back the Icon of all heroes! I bring back...."Captain Redneck!!"

[TheodoreLogan]

Horse walks into a bar...

[Kyuubi]

I don't know why...

http://recursive.net/captainamerica/CapCrapper.jpg

but I found this funny.

[Cam63]

Did the horsey hurt his head ?

[Cam63]

I don't know why...

http://recursive.net/captainamerica/CapCrapper.jpg

but I found this funny.

I think it's the look in Cap's eyes...

[Cam63]

Richard Simmons on Who's Line is it Anyway? (http://mensrea.spymac.net/wholinesim1.wmv)

Almost had me crying from laughing to much.

Thanks, Ky'. That was a little beauty, mate :)

[Kyuubi]

I think it mght be because I can't tell if he's about to sit on the toilet or if he's just getting up.

[Cam63]

Mike sees Joe rubbing his elbow at work one day and winching as if in pain.

" What's wrong, Joe ? ", he asks.

" I Dunno. My elbow started aching this morning and the pain is getting worse ", Joe replies.

" You better get a doc' to take a look at it. "

" Great. Christmas is not far off and I've got bills to pay. It'd be hard to afford it right now ", Joe laments.

" Hey, I know ", says Mike. " At Walmart there's a computer that'll diagnose you when you place a urine sample and it only costs ten dollars. I heard from a few guys who say it's pretty accurate. "

" Well... It's certainly cheaper than a doctor ", Joe says, feeling a little better about that part.

At lunchtime, he goes over to Walmart and finds the computer. He puts in a ten dollar note and a small cup pops down from a recepticle. The screen instructs him to urinate into the cup and place it under a scanning device. He goes into a nearby bathroom, takes a leak into the cup supplied and returns to the computer.

A light comes on and the machine makes a whirring sound. Ten seconds later, a small readout pops out of a slot in front.

It reads, " You have tennis elbow. You should rest it, gently rub on some anti-flammatory lotion and wear an elbow support bandage. Both items are available in Aisle #9. It should feel better in two-three weeks. If not, please see a doctor.

Thank you for shopping at Walmart. Have a nice day. "

Joe is amazed by the wonder of modern technology and goes to the aisle to buy the items the computer suggested.

He then wonders if it's possible to fool the computer. The following day, he takes samples of urine from his wife, his dog, a sperm sample from himself and mixes it all together.

He pays ten dollars and places the sample under the scanner. The computer lights up, whirs and ten seconds later, out pops the read out.

It says, " 1. Your dog has perfect health but will soon be due for worm treatment. Items required are available in Aisle #11.

2. Your wife is pregnant with twins. You are not the father. You may want to seek legal advice.

3. If you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never heal.

Thank you for shopping at Walmart. Have a nice day. "

[kipster]

How does a redneck tell the difference in a bull and a cow in the dark?


He sticks his nose in its ass, and if there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow!

[Kyuubi]

Going after the real enemy. (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,137632,00.html)

[stealthwise]

Puke? Hehe, that's a funny word, puke.

[Cam63]

Going after the real enemy. (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,137632,00.html)

Well... I'm sure the teachers would agree, some of the kids need shooting :)

On a serious note... Farrrrrrrrrrrrrk, me dead ! Who are these wankers and why are they allowed to fly !?

[Kyuubi]

Office Equipment have feelings too. (http://www.thetf.net/uploads/Starscream/fototopiame.wmv)

[Kyuubi]

White men can't...dance. (http://www.rocket-jim.co.uk/junk/dance.wmv)

[Cam63]

The bloke danced way better than me and that's not a good example.....

[Kyuubi]

So dumb....so very dumb. (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,137842,00.html)

[Michael P]

If you don't mind a little ribaldry, the following is my favorite "big dick" joke:

"My dick is so big, it was overthrown in a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick."

[Crowley]

Gail if the comic thing doesn't pan out you could always do this:
http://www.nassassin.com/misc/WendysGrillSkill.mov

[taintedlunch]

Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: MFFF!


Q: What can you do with a dog with no legs?
A: Take it out for a drag.

[Kyuubi]

Found out about this from my cultural studies teacher.


GO FIGHTING WHITES!!! (http://www.fightingwhites.org/)

[Crowley]

http://www.ifilm.com/viralvideo?ifilmid=2480180

it's still funny, you can almost see the point in which his dreams come grinding to a halt

[iwarrior]

I think this is funny...

http://onfinite.com/libraries/124421/2b2.jpg


I liked it. The art is cool too. :D

[Kyuubi]

Excerpts from The Super-Hero Dictionary.


http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/duck.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/serious.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/birthday.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/company.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/settle.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/promise.jpg

http://img24.exs.cx/img24/6177/straight.jpg

http://img88.exs.cx/img88/8531/pitcher.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/now.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/rock.jpg

http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/superherodictionary/complain.jpg

[Cam63]

No words necessary.

Pun intended :)

[sk716]

Rules for Jesters. (http://www.bananatreeproductions.com/rules.html)

[The Xenos]

The current flash toon all my friends and I are watching:

Everyone else has had more sex than me: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php

Also,
Evlis vs gifs: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/elvis.php

-Xenos

[matrix]

daily comic i read. (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/uclickcomics/cx_nq_uc/latest)

[Kyuubi]

Women are crazy. Men are dumb. (http://www.machall.com/index.php?strip_id=304/)

[sk716]

Women are crazy. Men are dumb. (http://www.machall.com/)
You didn't even have to provide a link with that. :D

[sk716]

http://www.alexshapiro.org/New%20Photos/yinyang3.jpg
The Zen of kittiness?

[sk716]

http://dashiva.net/img/h4x.jpg

[sk716]

http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/funnypics/free-to-good-home-ad.jpg

[Kyuubi]

Shake your moneymaker Aquaman!

http://resourcefork.com/WWWserver/facetious/aman/aman-tpbg.gif

[matrix]

:eek: you win.

[sk716]

I found the absolute funniest picture, but I don't think I can get away with actually posting it as it is somewhat adult in nature.

http://1.im.cz/n/photo/01/32/02pgplv-topsirka.jpg

[matrix]

Umm :confused: yeah

[Cam63]

You didn't even have to provide a link with that. :D

Hey !

Sheilas....

[Cam63]

I found the absolute funniest picture, but I don't think I can get away with actually posting it as it is somewhat adult in nature.

http://1.im.cz/n/photo/01/32/02pgplv-topsirka.jpg

Dog thinks, " I-I-I-I-I-I R-R-E-E-E-A-L-L-L-L-L-Y-Y-Y L-L-I-I-I-KE
M-M-M-M-Y-Y-Y-Y N-N-E-W-W-W-W B-B-B-O-N-N-NE !!! "

[matrix]

another daily strip i read. (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/umedia/cx_dilbert_umedia/latest)

[Kyuubi]

BANANA PHONE! (http://webpages.charter.net/redemption/banana/)

[Kyuubi]

Stan Lee must have been high on something when he made these. :D

http://www.newcomicreviews.com/temp/spidey/

[Phoney Bone]

http://www.6v6gt.com/humor/0Easter0.jpg

[kingdom2000]

http://fox.org/~vince/flash/tism.swf

[The Xenos]

um... I kinda jsut posted that on the last page, but it's sitll funny as hell. All my friends have been sending it and replaying it over and over.

-Xenos

[idwfan]

I love this scene from Man About Dog (2004)

Two vehicles, one a 4x4 and the other a beat up van playing chiken on a tight country road in rural Ireland.

They start and the beat up van containing three boys from the north win driving the 4x4 off the road into a field containing a slurry pit.

Covered in cow shit the driver of the 4x4 played by Irelands funniest comedian Pat Shortt climbs out the sun roof and procalims to his passengers "Fuck me, them boys got balls like Bengali Tigers"

Outstanding.

[Phoney Bone]

http://www.6v6gt.com/humor/SC_RIP.jpg


http://www.6v6gt.com/humor/marlboroman.jpg


http://www.6v6gt.com/humor/Goodbye.jpg

[Briareos]

Here's a bunch

www.homestarrunner.com
www.somethingawful.com their comedy goldmine and photoshop friday in particuler
http://www.yellow5.com/pokey/

[Dee3]

Well I got a sort of funny story if not amazing one day I was at work and we had this golden lab about a year old. well I put in the kennel(have you most kennel runs the gate is about five feet high) well this dog managed to jump over the kennel door.

Another time we had these huskies well we have drains and holes in between well these holes are quite small about 1/2 square and well these huge huskies manged tho squeeeze through the holes into the next run.

I don't know if that is funny but it is amazing

[YoGo]

Happy father's day

[Kyuubi]

Beware of the cute ones.

http://home.comcast.net/~johnbomberger/graphics/fluffy.jpg

[Kyuubi]

This time Marvel has gone to far... (http://www.bbspot.com/News/2004/11/marvel_sues.html)

[Dee3]

Are they for real..

[the4thpip]

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2002219041124.gif

[Phoney Bone]

One of my favorite Ron White bits (paraphrased):


My friend is a big homophobe. I told him to show a little enlightenment. "Besides," I said, "we're ALL gay to a certain degree."

"Bullshit! I ain't no queer!"

"Yes you are...and I got $100.00 that says I can prove it."

"Allright, I'll call you on that, smartass. Prove it!"

"Do you like porn?"

"Hell yeah! I love porn!"

"Do you only watch woman-on-woman scenes."

"Naw, I like to watch a man and woman go at it."

"Do you want to see the man with a small, limp, flaccid penis?"

"HELL NO! I want to see a big, hard, throbbing.... :eek: ....I did not know that about myself."

[YoGo]

Cat meet Fan (http://www.cupofjohn.com/cat_fan.wmv)

Yeah thats right, I know those of you repulsed by the animal art gallery in the other thread are laughing.

Bwahahahahahaha...Cos I am!!!!

[Marty]

Apparently Target is branching out -
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/601-1076476-1550550?asin=0823916839

[sk716]

Instant VooDoo Doll (http://www.instantvoodoo.com/?flash=true)
The funniest bit is the page sponsor, I cracked up!

[Cam63]

Cat meet Fan (http://www.cupofjohn.com/cat_fan.wmv)

Yeah thats right, I know those of you repulsed by the animal art gallery in the other thread are laughing.

Bwahahahahahaha...Cos I am!!!!

OK, I admit that was farkin' funny...but, POOR PUUUUUUDDDY !!!!

[Cam63]

Instant VooDoo Doll (http://www.instantvoodoo.com/?flash=true)
The funniest bit is the page sponsor, I cracked up!

Damn shame the buggers don't work.

[Cam63]

One of my favorite Ron White bits (paraphrased):


My friend is a big homophobe. I told him to show a little enlightenment. "Besides," I said, "we're ALL gay to a certain degree."

"Bullshit! I ain't no queer!"

"Yes you are...and I got $100.00 that says I can prove it."

"Allright, I'll call you on that, smartass. Prove it!"

"Do you like porn?"

"Hell yeah! I love porn!"

"Do you only watch woman-on-woman scenes."

"Naw, I like to watch a man and woman go at it."

"Do you want to see the man with a small, limp, flaccid penis?"

"HELL NO! I want to see a big, hard, throbbing.... :eek: ....I did not know that about myself."

I wonder how many " manly men " that joke would show up :)

[mgs]

The current flash toon all my friends and I are watching:

Everyone else has had more sex than me: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php
haha, i loved that. video. :) *sings along* Everyone else has had more sex than me, ooooooo!!

but this has got to one of the cutest flashes i've ever seen.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/ddautta.php

[sk716]

Holiday Mishaps Caught on X-Ray. (http://hippocritis.com/december04/features.htm)

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

In the spirit of the Christmas Season, I'd like to do an exerpt from a holiday episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It is the dumbest story I have ever heard anywhere, relating to Christmas or not. Ahem (gets into character). Greetings, I am the "Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future!" And I have descended upon you this fine December morning to relate to you the tale of the TRUE Santa Claus, and the REAL beginnings of Christmas! Let the tale begin: "Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we know him, there was a scarlet ape-like creature called Sir Santa of Claus, who made crude & pointless toys from dinosaur bones and his own waste. He then hurled them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands, regardless of how they behaved the previous year! These toys were then buried as witches, then defecated upon, and hurled at predators awakened by the searing grunts of the ape children! It was not a holly jolly Christmas that year, for many were killed! One day, a warlike race of galactic elves from The Red Planet descended upon the still ice-encased Earth, where they were then enslaved by the still unevolved Santa Ape and forced to make his confused dinosaur bone/feces toys using their galactic elfin technology! These toys were then crafted by the galactic Martian elves and their technology into more... recognizable shapes; and given more recognizable names such as 'train,' or 'doll.' But these toys were also hurled at predators and defecated upon, because they were so stupid! Christmas still sucked in a big way!" (reverts to Beast Of Yucca Flats) Okay, I'm back. Now, I think I need to go call my therapist.

[Shades0077]

Beast of Yucca Flats, you are awesome. Best (in other words, most f'ed up) Aqua Teen ever.

[taintedlunch]

In the spirit of the Christmas Season, I'd like to do an exerpt from a holiday episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It is the dumbest story I have ever heard anywhere, relating to Christmas or not. Ahem (gets into character). Greetings, I am the "Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future!" And I have descended upon you this fine December morning to relate to you the tale of the TRUE Santa Claus, and the REAL beginnings of Christmas! Let the tale begin: "Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we know him, there was a scarlet ape-like creature called Sir Santa of Claus, who made crude & pointless toys from dinosaur bones and his own waste. He then hurled them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands, regardless of how they behaved the previous year! These toys were then buried as witches, then defecated upon, and hurled at predators awakened by the searing grunts of the ape children! It was not a holly jolly Christmas that year, for many were killed! One day, a warlike race of galactic elves from The Red Planet descended upon the still ice-encased Earth, where they were then enslaved by the still unevolved Santa Ape and forced to make his confused dinosaur bone/feces toys using their galactic elfin technology! These toys were then crafted by the galactic Martian elves and their technology into more... recognizable shapes; and given more recognizable names such as 'train,' or 'doll.' But these toys were also hurled at predators and defecated upon, because they were so stupid! Christmas still sucked in a big way!" (reverts to Beast Of Yucca Flats) Okay, I'm back. Now, I think I need to go call my therapist.

Hey, the first episode of ATHF I ever saw was this one. It was so strange I almost cried. What season was this?

[Kyuubi]

Damn Scientists :evilangry

Scientists hate Mice. (http://mobile.theonion.com/news2.html)

[Crowley]

http://wakaba.nervalhi.net/mods/src/everyonehashadmoresex.swf

[Kyuubi]

Kyuubi's
A Series of Unforunate Events

http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00015.jpg
http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00018.jpg
http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00030.jpg
http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00033.jpg

[YoGo]

Hahahahahaha! Kyuubi that is awesome!

[Cam63]

Ha !, indeed. Thanks for posting that, Ky' :)

Were any of the people involved in the above incidents named Billy Bob or Earle ?

[Kyuubi]

http://i.timeinc.net/popsci/images/h20/how1204_outhouse485x330.jpg
I'm never going to Taco Bell again.

[Marty]

Twins Parents Ad (http://www.adforum.com/creative_archive/2004/lastweektop5/reel_detail2.asp?ID=45112&TDI=VDkzDNJd&PAGE=1&BSHOP=&ta=7266)

[Cam63]

http://i.timeinc.net/popsci/images/h20/how1204_outhouse485x330.jpg
I'm never going to Taco Bell again.

There are some things an anti-acid won't take care of.

[Cam63]

Twins Parents Ad (http://www.adforum.com/creative_archive/2004/lastweektop5/reel_detail2.asp?ID=45112&TDI=VDkzDNJd&PAGE=1&BSHOP=&ta=7266)

Thanks, Marty :)

[Melissa]

Kyuubi's
A Series of Unforunate Events

http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00015.jpg
http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00018.jpg
http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00030.jpg
http://rightsock.com/%7Ekjw/AppliedPhysics/ATT00033.jpg

That last pic looks heavily photo-shopped.

[Cam63]

Serial stupidity like that happens, Melissa.

[Kyuubi]

My Christmas present to everyone at YABS.


The Sox won, now it's time to pay. (http://www.comedycentral.com/mp/play.jhtml?reposid=/multimedia/last_laugh/lastlaugh_leary.html)

Behind The Music: Blue Oyster Cult (http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/12491/)

Homeland Security (http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/11654/)

Punk'd: Barely Legal (http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/17487/)

Homocil (http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/14406/)

[Crowley]

http://users3.ev1.net/~borlaz06/Hasselhoff_coleman_lowrider.gif

[Michael P]

Look at the picture, and see a giraffe!

http://uploads.freeupload.net/uploads/3198.gif

[Kyuubi]

Since so many of us here are German forklift operators, I thought this was an important safety video for us all to enjoy.


http://media.hugi.is/hahradi/fyndnar/STAPLERFAHRERKLAUSDERERSTEA.wmv

[Jeff Brady]

Where do villains get their wonderful toys?

http://www.villainsupply.com/index1.html

Things to keep in mind when you become an Evil Overlord:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

[Kyuubi]

...and just when you think you've seen it all, along comes a music video featuring a man with a glowing crotch...

DANGER! DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE! (http://www.cissme.com/bgroup/rm/xl/elect/video/xls151cd-01_rvs.ram)

[sk716]

How Gay Are You? (http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html)

I'm 50% Gay and a happy and well adjusted lesbian.

I'm not sure about the well adjusted part, but I did get a chuckle out of the test.

[The Xenos]

Bah, I gave up half way through the gay test. Too many of the answers were black and white, or "definatley" no or yes. They needed at least a third option.

http://users3.ev1.net/~borlaz06/Hasselhoff_coleman_lowrider.gif

That is one of my favorite images in all the internet. (Well, ignoring all the porn.)

-Xenos

[Kyuubi]

http://www.citypaper.com/sb/47810/perrybible-1.jpg

[The Xenos]

A funny picture involving a serious subject. Does anyone see what's wrong in this picture?

http://img154.exs.cx/img154/2576/aidsdrive11040589572147wl.jpg

-Xenos

[YoGo]

There are two dumb staple holes through each condom now.

[Jeff Brady]

Ah! Yogo beat me to it!

[Kyuubi]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v154/Guymelef/Flame%20Pics/Anime%20Related/75_1.gif



http://img58.exs.cx/img58/4828/break-group.gif



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v246/Lunatix/wariniraq.gif

[Cam63]

Oh, that's damn good, Ky' !

[Kyuubi]

Something tells me the ball isn't the problem.
http://img21.exs.cx/img21/5800/basketball1.jpg

This is probably why Superman doesn't have a side kick.
http://img21.exs.cx/img21/5553/east.jpg

The side of Hal Jordan few knew about.
http://img89.exs.cx/img89/5941/blossom.jpg



More (http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=uchidachi&keyword=Word+of+the+Day&filter=all)

[sk716]

http://img42.exs.cx/img42/1613/AlteredPoolBaby.jpg

[Cam63]

http://img42.exs.cx/img42/1613/AlteredPoolBaby.jpg

Jack Nicholson was ONE evil baby...

[Melissa]

How Gay Are You? (http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html)

I'm 50% Gay and a happy and well adjusted lesbian.

I'm not sure about the well adjusted part, but I did get a chuckle out of the test.

Gave me a pretty accurate 100% score...

[Kyuubi]

Ashlee Simpson finally gets the respect she deserves. (http://www.lipsync.us/)

[Cam63]

Indeed, it was a great moment in live entertainment. One for the ages...

[tangentman]

How Gay Are You? (http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html)

I'm 50% Gay and a happy and well adjusted lesbian.

I'm not sure about the well adjusted part, but I did get a chuckle out of the test.

I'm coming at 60%, a well-adjusted Gay Man! Woo-Hoo!

[ladyj2]

In the beginning...

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and then he
populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and
yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long
and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, "Satan" created Ben
and
Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want
chocolate sauce with that?" And Man said Yes!," and Woman said, "and as
long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.

And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure
that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to
size
14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and
garlic
toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following
the
repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it Angel Food
Cake,"
and said "it is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man
would
not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and
cried
before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy
center into
chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent
double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied,
"Yes! And super size them!"

And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created
HMOs.

[Cam63]

Why was the blonde extra proud when she finished putting the jigsaw puzzle back together ?

On the side of the box read, " 5-7 years " and it had only taken her six months to do :D

[Kyuubi]

http://cheston.com/pbf/PBF026ADTheAreBack.jpg

http://cheston.com/pbf/PBF017ADSpacePizza.jpg

http://cheston.com/pbf/PBF013ADAdmiralSchlork.jpg

[Wonder Bebs]

Jesus, that Gay test is accurate. I came in at 10% and being extremely straight laced. O.O That's creepy.


And, off of the creepy scary very accurate test for a moment, I have this to share with you. Found it at Ebaum's World and it cracks me up everytime I see it.

[Kyuubi]

Fortunately all he hurt was his pride (http://www.koreus.com/files/200408/afroninja.html)

[Kyuubi]

The new drug on the streets...

http://www.boreme.com/bm/DEC04/a/white-xmas/jump_fr.htm

[Citrus-Man]

This did it for me. I think the second image in the sequence is my favorite.

Children Afraid of Santa Claus. (http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogallery?coll=sfe-events-headlines&index=1)

[Kyuubi]

You too can be Emo...click here to learn how. (http://www.somethingdirectory.com/main_emo.htm)

[stealthwise]

http://synecdoche.dmusic.com/

Click on "The Best Emo Song Ever" and save it. Trust me, you'll want to hear it more than once. ;)

(Btw, yeah, that's me on vocals).

[Kyuubi]

wow.............uhh..............yeah...


http://studentorgs.utexas.edu/vsa/misc/ant/justloseit.wmv

[Marty]

http://axisarchives.com/forum/images/hasselhoffian-recursion.gif


:eek:

[Crowley]

this seem to amuse people:

I also do a mean Peter Gallagher impression but I can only do half his face.


This is Peter Gallagher:
http://the.oc.free.fr/pete02mini.gif


This is what I need to do the impression.

1. One ridiculous pouting face:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v161/BCrowley/random/retarded.jpg


2. One slightly enraged hamster:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v161/BCrowley/random/RAGE.jpg


Voila:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v161/BCrowley/random/peterGimpression.jpg


like a mirror reflection, no?

[sk716]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/marchand/tronco2.jpg

[Kyuubi]

Nothing beats toilet humor.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2005/20050120l.jpg

[sk716]

http://www.davesdaily.com/pictures/131-hockeyfans.jpg

[sk716]

Nothing beats toilet humor.



Did you say toilet humor?

http://www.davesdaily.com/pictures/121-plumber.jpg
http://www.davesdaily.com/pictures/121-plumber2.jpg


http://augustachronicle.com/images/headlines/012005/elephant012005_512.jpg

[Solaris]

In the beginning...

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and then he
populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and
yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long
and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, "Satan" created Ben
and
Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want
chocolate sauce with that?" And Man said Yes!," and Woman said, "and as
long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.

And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure
that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to
size
14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and
garlic
toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following
the
repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it Angel Food
Cake,"
and said "it is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man
would
not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and
cried
before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy
center into
chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent
double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied,
"Yes! And super size them!"

And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created
HMOs.


THAT was freakin' hysterical! I almost wet my pants, I laughed so hard!

:D

[the4thpip]

http://www.theonion.com/images/423/article3089.jpg

Drawings by children who were traumatized by the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show.

[TCJohnson]

Photoshoot of Bill Gates for a teen magazine, 1986

http://www.neowin.net/forum/uploads/post-59416-1105987532.jpg

http://www.neowin.net/forum/uploads/post-59416-1105987549.jpg

http://www.neowin.net/forum/uploads/post-59416-1106163459_thumb.jpg

(Copy and paste and they will work)

[Kyuubi]

http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif

[Crowley]

http://www.theonion.com/images/423/article3089.jpg

Drawings by children who were traumatized by the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show.
beautiful
:D

[sk716]

http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif

... still laughing to hard to form a coherent response...

[Ronald Bryan]

http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif
I've seen that, and it's still funny.

[Kyuubi]

http://img133.exs.cx/img133/7517/mong2nz.gif

[Cam63]

http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif

Friggin' LEGEND !

[Cam63]

http://img133.exs.cx/img133/7517/mong2nz.gif

Friggin' LEGEND 2 !

[Marty]

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at this one - Our media, ladies and gentlemen.

First the setup

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20050201/D87VU1582.html

and then the punchline

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/02/01/iraq.hostage/
edited - drudgereport.com no longer lists this story as the main headline

Did anyone not see this in the photo?

[Screwtape]

Gasp... can't breathe... LOTR .gifs... much too funny...

[Screwtape]

Edited for spoilers.
Here's a better link for the hostage "payoff." I couldn't find it on the Drudge Report site.
http://www.kron4.com/Global/story.asp?S=2886996&nav=5D7lVr6U

[Kyuubi]

http://img77.exs.cx/img77/2888/catapult1id.gif

http://www.newcomicreviews.com/temp/lotr/catapult7kc.gif

http://www.badnewsonline.com/images/LOTRse.gif

http://www.newcomicreviews.com/temp/lotr/pie.gif

http://www.newcomicreviews.com/temp/lotr/capitalone5yx.gif


all the rest are here. (http://www.newcomicreviews.com/temp/lotr/)

[Cam63]

Edited for spoilers.
Here's a better link for the hostage "payoff." I couldn't find it on the Drudge Report site.
http://www.kron4.com/Global/story.asp?S=2886996&nav=5D7lVr6U

Man, that is priceless ! I've seen the aforementioned Dragon action figure of " Cody " and the M-4 carbine in the photo pointed at his head is the one that comes with it !

The last time something like this was in the news, a boy on a plane had the 4 inch long plastic SA-80 replica that came with a British action figure confiscated by a nervous steward who thought it passed as an offensive weapon.

The kid and his family didn't mind so much, except it wasn't returned after the flight. The dick probably sent it off to authorities to be melted down with real assault rifles !

[Pixies Chick]

Making Reruns
of Television Sitcoms
More Exciting by Adding a Weapon.
BY DAN KENNEDY
- - - -

Seinfeld, "The Truth About Taxes"

George's relationship with a former IRS worker may ease Jerry's tax-audit worries—until things go all wrong between them. Elaine sees far too much of Kramer, since he's dating her roommate; in return, he sees far too much of Elaine when he walks in on her getting dressed. George tries to get Jerry's tax records back after breaking things off with the former IRS worker, not knowing that she carries a knife, and he is stabbed in the thigh.



Alf, "Aliens Can't Go to the Mall!"

In an effort to curb Alf's budding interest in a visit to the local shopping mall, Willie holds a family meeting in the living room to set up some new rules. But Alf is not at all charmed by the idea of not being able to enjoy the earthly pleasure of shopping, so he steals a rifle that once belonged to Willie's grandfather, shoots and misses at Lucky the cat and Willie's visiting brother, Neal, and makes a getaway in the family station wagon. Alf is later found holed up in an old motel on Aurora Boulevard with the rifle and more cookies than any furry alien could ever eat in one sitting, thanks to his newfound freedom to shop.



Everybody Loves Raymond, "Look, Don't Touch"

Nemo's niece, Angelina, takes employment at Nemo's as a waitress. Ray has a lot of explaining to do to Debra when he is caught hiding a handgun in an oily rag and putting it under his car seat. Ray accidentally leaves his wallet at Nemo's, so Angelina calls him at home to let him know she found it, but Debra answers the phone instead of Ray, curious to see if the person on the phone might be a threat to her family. When the situation is hilariously blown out of proportion by the Barone family, Debra decides to get a gun of her own, "in case somebody ever tries to break in."



Friends, "Rachel Finds Out"

Joey participates in a fertility study, but things get difficult when he has to avoid intimacy with Melanie, his new girlfriend. The gang has a birthday barbecue for Rachel, but Ross only shows up long enough to drop off her birthday present and announce he's going to China to buy something called a seven-point sword, a rare type of Chinese throwing star that was used as a deadly weapon in the days of warring states and feudal lords. Chandler and Ross secretly arrange for an underground dealer of rare Chinese weapons and torture devices to meet Ross in Shanghai in hopes of Ross being able to also purchase something called a Din Tektu Iron Talon. This weapon uses the tips of heat-forged iron nails and an iron brush to pierce and tear at crucial deadly acupuncture points on the enemy's body, intending not only to take his skin from his skeleton, but also to exact everything from cancers to dementia, as well as to lay waste to the enemy's spirit in the afterlife. Later, while Rachel opens her presents at the barbecue, Chandler lets slip that Ross has become secretly infatuated with a rare form of deadly Chinese personal defense called "Gon Chak" or "Death's Kiss." Gon Chak's grisly techniques and weapons (the Din Tek Tu Iron Talon is one of them) sparked ethical concern even among China's most violent warlords and criminals, leading to its being permanently banned from the martial arts in the 18th century. It would be rare for a Westerner to ever see a Gon Chak weapon, let alone lay hands on one. If Ross is actually able to purchase a Din Tek Tu Iron Talon, it would make him one of the most highly revered collectors of arms in the United States literally overnight. The catch: Ross may not know it, but by undertaking a journey to China to purchase Gon Chak weaponry, he is putting himself in the path of certain danger, not to mention an age-old curse that has claimed many before him. Rachel goes to the airport to catch Ross before he leaves and tell him that she heard the news from Chandler and wants to talk with him because she has similar feelings. Unfortunately for her, Ross has already left on what may be both a first and final journey down the bloody path of a passion few will ever understand in him. Joey finally lets the cat out of the bag about his fertility test with Melanie, who was starting to suspect he was gay.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/1/19kennedy.html

[Screwtape]

You know, I actually write for them occasionally.

[Pixies Chick]

You know, I actually write for them occasionally.

McSweeneys? You God!

[Screwtape]

Haha. Cheers. I like to think of myself as the god of back-issue comics and grouchy play reviews.

Today's (not written by me, just to keep you from wondering) is also EXTREMELY funny.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/2/2breen.html

[LtMarvel]

http://www.worldfamouscomics.com/tony/images/actioncomics160.jpg

Can't allow Superman to forget his rubbers, can we?

[Pixies Chick]

And my, what sturdy rubbers they appear to be!

[Screwtape]

Well, he is Superman.

That's very open-minded of his mom, though.

[LtMarvel]

Breaking News:

From Andy Borowitz:

February 1, 2005

FOX NEWS BUYS AL-JAZEERA
'Hannity and Hussein' Among New Network's Programs

Under intense pressure from the Bush administration to sell its controversial al-Jazeera network, the nation of Qatar stunned the television industry today by agreeing to sell the broadcast company to Rupert Murdoch's Fox News Channel.

Television insiders were taken aback that the network whose motto is "We Report - You Decide," would acquire a broadcast entity whose slogan is "Death to the Infidels."

But according to Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox parent company News Corporation, the merger was a natural because, in his words, "We took a look at their format and realized that it was almost identical to ours."

"If we really roll up our sleeves and make this merger work, we may wind up with the fairest and most balanced network mankind has ever known," Mr. Murdoch added.

The media mogul said that changes to al-Jazeera's programming would be "minimal" at first: "We'll be going through their news copy and every time they call President Bush 'Satan,' we'll take out the words 'President Bush' and replace them with 'Ted Kennedy.'"

But viewers can expect much bigger changes to come, as the channel plans to drop al-Jazeera's most popular program, "This Week in Jihad," in favor of a new show, "Hannity and Hussein."

In the words of a Fox-Jazeera press release, "Hannity and Hussein" will be "a lively political discussion featuring Fox personality Sean Hannity, from the right, and deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, from his prison cell."

Elsewhere, after Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) fainted during a speaking appearance in Buffalo, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass) wished her a slow and protracted recovery.

[the4thpip]

http://www.nationallampoon.com/news/jacksonbull.jpg

[Cam63]

Heh ! You're all pretty good :D

[Marty]

Strange, but true -

Behold... The BatGun
http://antiherocomics.com/images/batgun.jpg

[YoGo]

Hahahahahahaha! That;s f@#king hilarious Marty!

But you forgot to include the Robin scope attachment which fits just fabulously on top of the.....oh never mind.

[Kyuubi]

We're born, we die



inbetween there's Dog Judo (http://www.dogjudo.co.uk/)

[Cam63]

So, licking themselves down there is really some sorta stretching exercise ?

[Cam63]

Strange, but true -

Behold... The BatGun
http://antiherocomics.com/images/batgun.jpg

Things were much more innocent back then... Or not !

[abbas.khan]

http://www.coraelin.com/junk/drunkwitch.jpg

send this to your ex with the caption 'this is you in ten years'.

[Cam63]

I know that sheila....

[abbas.khan]

Frodo FAILED!!!

http://www.coraelin.com/junk/sauron.jpg[/IMG]

[Marty]

http://gravyboy.com/fanboyalmanac/FC-2-10-05.jpg

[Kyuubi]

The name of the website says it all really....

http://www.supermanisadick.com/

[Cam63]

That's pretty good :D Thanks for the link, Ky' !

[sk716]

http://212.112.234.88/efusion/html/fusion_bilder/erc04.jpg

[David Bedlam]

Like sprite comics? Try www.bobandgeorge.com

It was going to be a hand drawn comic, but the sprites were used to fill in gaps betwen production. The current gap has been going for four years now.

www.nuklearpower.com is another sprite comic. This time for D&D fans.

[the4thpip]

http://www.she-hulk.us/Kurt_doesnt_suck_anymore.jpg

[sk716]

I love Twitsed Toy Fare Theater. It's the highlight of my month.

[Brenz]

The page that follows is even better. That was one of the best TTTs in forever.

[Cam63]

http://212.112.234.88/efusion/html/fusion_bilder/erc04.jpg

As petty as the argument was, their communication skills could not be faulted.

[Cam63]

http://www.she-hulk.us/Kurt_doesnt_suck_anymore.jpg

More ! More !

[sk716]

I park like an idiot. (http://www.iparklikeanidiot.com/)

[Cam63]

I loved it when the Pommy battleship commander parked his ship on a rock in the middle of nowhere down this way a couple of years back.

I think he's in charge of a rubber dingey now.

[Kyuubi]

!337$p34k 4 DuMMieS

http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/children/kidtalk.mspx

[Cam63]

They've developed their own language and no doubt will use it to plot against those who rule, huh ?

I guess the rest of us can be considered toast.

[LooksBetterDrawn]

LAME JOKE ALERT!

why does snoop dogg need an umbrella?




fo' drizzle

[Jared_Humpherys]

http://www.homestarrunner.com

Because Strong Bad just plain rocks.

[Kyuubi]

From the minds that brought you Superman is a Dick

It's Stupid Comic Covers! (http://www.superdickery.com/other/1.html)



There's only one marvel cover in the bunch, what were those guys at DC smoking back then.

[Crowley]

http://www.superdickery.com/images/other/1027_4_059.jpg

[Kyuubi]

Possibly one of the funnest and funniest flash games ever.

Nanaca Crash (http://www.minijuegos.com/juegos/jugar.php?id=2986)

[Bartle Quinter]

http://www.safetrider.org/

I already have my certificate up on the wall.

[Michael P]

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php

I... have no words.

[The Xenos]

Well... does anyone else get that feeling? Anyone? Meh. *goes back to playing keyboard*

-Xenos

[Securitron5k]

This seems like a good time to post my favorite joke ever. You have to read this outloud.

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender says "What's that wheel for?" Pirate responds "Arrrr, its drivin' me nuts!"

[Cam63]

Thank you all for your contributions :)

[Dreadstar]

I minor diversion from the IMDb rubber-necking:

Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded
the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after
the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a
new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.
This story is a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who
might need a lift.

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School: God bless you for the beautiful radio won
at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the
Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away.
I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God
bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one,
she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other
day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It
was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and
I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.


Sincerely, Edna Walters

[Cam63]

I hope that letter is true.

[The Xenos]

http://img215.exs.cx/img215/6196/indy1up11101458524911ci.jpg

-Xenos

[Crowley]

http://www.portlandmercury.com/2002-05-02/feature4-1.jpg
http://www.portlandmercury.com/2002-05-02/feature4-2.jpg

[Crowley]

http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/geek_love_poem.jpg

[sk716]

Todays Shortpacked (http://www.shortpacked.com) is pretty funny.

http://www.shortpacked.com/comics/20050309a.gif

[Lima Delta]

http://www.portlandmercury.com/2002-05-02/feature4-1.jpg
http://www.portlandmercury.com/2002-05-02/feature4-2.jpg

I swear, the Portland Mercury is my favorite local mag. They're always aces, especially in the letters section. Good lord, that's some funny stuff.

[Kyuubi]

Helpful advice from a respectable source.

http://www.generalzod.net/

[Cam63]

Alphabetically speaking, Neal before Zod !

[Kyuubi]

Best animated short ever.


Rejected! (http://www.treachery.org/videos/rejected.avi)

[Jeff Brady]

Indeed, Don Hertzfeldt is a genius.

[YoGo]

Hahahahahaha! That clip is hilarious!

I am a BA-Nana!

[the4thpip]

ok... maybe it's because I'm full of phlegm, but I did not get that.

[YoGo]

oh, ur just too german for your own good.

Need i remind you of those horrendous pics you posted in our 'pip and yogo run amok' thread????

[the4thpip]

oh, ur just too german for your own good.


Ach!
The body of the ant is divided into three sections. The head, the thorax and the abdomen. They are enclosed in a hard amour-like covering called the exoskeleton, which provides some protection from other nasty little insects but unfortunately not from the dissector's scalpel. See, nothing to it, he's not such a toughy. And his legs ... they help him carry hundreds of times his own weight, but look at this ... you're not so strong compared with me, four, five, six ... Ha!

[YoGo]

Are u sure its *just* phlegm ur full of today?

[the4thpip]

http://www.arlingtonoptimist.org/images/APC.jpg

Worst. Logo. Ever.

Remember how in England on the height of the pedophile histeria, linguistically people harrassed a pediatrician?
This is how that kind of thing gets started.

[Jeff Brady]

Wow, that's...that's really bad.

[the4thpip]

http://www.spiderfan.org/fun/20050328.jpg

[The Xenos]

I dunno... it lacks cussing and a clitoral reference.

-Xenos

[the4thpip]

I dunno... it lacks cussing and a clitoral reference.

-Xenos
Didn't you get the clitoral reference in the sultry way MJ said "sannnnnndwich"?

[The Xenos]

Was joking aorund with the Chapelle line and came up with this.

http://img144.exs.cx/img144/5218/bradychoco418265up.jpg

-Xenos

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

In memory of the now late, great, Mitch Hedberg, I present some of his bits for your approval. Laugh, Gail, as that's how Mitch would have wanted it:

"I wish I was still in Little League, I'd kick some fuckin' ass!"

"My apartment's infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever."

"A friend once asked me if I'd like a frozen banana; I said 'no-- but I do want a regular banana later-- so... yeah.'"

"I had my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others."

"I once wrote a letter to a friend using a highlighter pen, but he couldn't read it because he thought I was just trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper."

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

"An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs."

"I was in a speed metal band once. People either loved us or hated us-- or thought we were okay."

"So I gave them this script I'd done, and they told me, 'good, now you need to write it again.' But I said, 'Fuck that, I'll just make a copy.'"

"I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who'd get really mad if she heard me say that."

"I got into an arguement with a girlfriend in a tent, and that's a bad place for a arguement, 'cause I tried to walk out and slam the flap! How do I express my anger in this situation? Zip up real quick?"

"I can't tell you what hotel I'm stayin' at, but I can tell you there's two trees involved."

"The hotel I'm stayin' at doesn't have a 13th floor 'cuz of superstition, but come on, people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on. Man in room #1401? No, you're not! Jump out the window, you will die earlier!"

"My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them."

"I was gonna get my teeth whitened, but I said 'fuck that, I'll just get a tan instead.'"

"I went to see a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don't go visit Dr. Acula."

"I bought a parrot, and it talked, but it did't say 'I'm hungry,' so it died."

"I fuckin' hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. But I'm like, 'Fuck you, I ain't goin' that way, line-with-two-thirds-of-a-triangle-on-the-end!' Imagine if you got killed with a bow & arrow. Wouldn't that suck? An arrow killed you? They'd never solve the crime! [points in front] 'Hey, look at that dead guy... [points to the left] let's go that way.'"

"When a fan's on oscillate, it looks like it's saying no-- so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to. 'Is it true you keep my hair in place?' 'Do you keep my documents in order?' 'Do you have more than 3 settings? Liar!'"

That's all I can think of right now. Rest well, Mitch.

[kipster]

Subject: Bear

Bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.


The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."



...........You're gonna love this.........












The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.

[Kyuubi]

All hail the almighty Gord!

http://www.actsofgord.com/

[YoGo]

http://www.sxrao.com/graphics/foxTrot031003.jpg

[YoGo]

When onomatopoeia goes wrong.

http://members.shaw.ca/tom.t/unh/capwank2.gif

[Kyuubi]

When onomatopoeia goes wrong.




Very wrong.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/overt/huntress20fap.jpg

[Kyuubi]

"I think we should go to commercial."

Indeed. (http://buttlands.net/walkeraids.avi)

[Jeff Brady]

Wow. That was cool. Brings a whole new meaning to "I see dead people."

[Matt Algren]

In memory of the now late, great, Mitch Hedberg, I present some of his bits for your approval. Laugh, Gail, as that's how Mitch would have wanted it:
Here's an audio clip from Bob and Tom last year.

Strategic Grill Locations (http://www.bobandtom.com/av/mitch_hedberg_standup_life.mp3)

[WhiteRose]

Did you hear that Prince Charles broke his arm? Yeah, terrible news and all. What? How'd he do it?






He fell off the duchess.

[The Xenos]

Very wrong.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/overt/huntress20fap.jpg

Ha! Holy crap. Where is that from? Do they even know the alternative context of that sound effect? Or maybe they do and they've been reading too many Sexy Losers comics.

-Xenos

[Sharcque]

Not sure if this was originally intended to be funny, but I lmao at it!

numan (http://www.funpic.hu/swf/numanuma.html)

[Sharcque]

And this little big dude rocks!

New Crispy (http://gorillamask.net/crispy.shtml) (you may have to click "skip" to get past the annoying ad, but it's worth it...

[Kyuubi]

Ha! Holy crap. Where is that from? Do they even know the alternative context of that sound effect? Or maybe they do and they've been reading too many Sexy Losers comics.

-Xenos


That's actually Huntress from the Loeb/Lee Batman run.

[PatrickG]

I was about to say, that text box is unmistakably Batman narrating.

[Cam63]

You've probably heard/read this one.

What's the differance between a supermarket shopping bag and Michael Jackson ?

One is white, plastic and potentially dangerous to children. The other thing is used for carrying groceries.

[Kyuubi]

...and now a random fact about Vin Diesel. (http://www.4q.cc/vin/)

[WhiteRose]

*is disturbed by the coin thing*

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y98/RedThorn/277_4_205.jpg

"Wonder Woman bondage is getting old. How can we mix it up?"

"Why don't we try tying her to something that looks like a gigantic vibrator?"

"Brilliant!"

[WhiteRose]

I dunno if anyone is a Desperate Housewives fan...

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y98/RedThorn/episode012.jpg

But that made me shoot Pepsi out of my nose.

[Raziel]

http://www.channel101.com/shows/view.php?media_id=317


The origin of Batman?

"maybe I should make a green time machine and go back in time to see what I said"

[The Xenos]

http://www.channel101.com/shows/view.php?media_id=317


The origin of Batman?

"maybe I should make a green time machine and go back in time to see what I said"

Damn, that guy had a nice collection of toys. Pretty funny in an Adult Swim sorta way too.

-Xenos

[the4thpip]

http://www.theesecondcouming.com/CanGodFillTeeth-.jpg

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Here's the "Dysfunctional Popcorn" sketch from MST3K. The one where Crow played a then-still-alive Orville Redenbacher and Tom Servo played his grandson. It's probably my single favorite MST3K sketch of all time. If any of you have never seen it, then this'll all be new to you. And if you have ...well, th' hell witcha' :

(Tom and Crow are dressed wearing bowties and thick glasses)

Tom (in geeky voice): "Boy Grandpa, I sure am enjoying this Godzilla movie [show 212, Godzilla vs. Megalon]! And I sure enjoy being your grandson!"

Crow (in old geezer voice): "Ahh, keep talking, Buddy! You know, I certainly have amassed a fortune by wearing big dorky bowties, weasly glasses, and donning Big Boy hairstyles!"

Tom: "Yeah, sure, whatever you say Gramps. You know, Grandpa, I've been looking through some Italian fashion portfolios and there's some great new looks out there. Maybe we can hire a fashion consultant, and--"

Crow (interrupts): "Shut up, you little cretin! It's MY fortune, and I'll decide how we wear our hair!"

Tom: "B-but, Gramps! What good is having a bazillion dollar popcorn empire if no sweet chick will breed with me?"

Crow: "Listen to yourself, Buddy! It's part of our sweet popcorn creed to be without the love of a woman! How can we concentrate on genetically improving the popcorn if we have extremely abundant members of the weaker sex parading up and down the rows of our high-yield-super-cheif-double-whammy-ganga-ganga corn? (slightly getting distracted by the imagery) Sweet fruit juices anointing their bodies? (quickly composes himself) Come on, how would that look?"

Tom: "But I still want one."

Crow: "Oh Buddy, get ahold of yourself! We're scientists!"

Tom: "Well, sorry, Gramps. Hey, can I ask you a question?"

Crow: "Oh, of course."

Tom: "When will you be dying, you twisted old ferret?!"

Crow: "Buddy, stop tormenting me! I'm your grandfather! We're of the same blood! We're popcorn!

Tom: "I'm sorry, Gramps, but I can't stop thinking about all that money! I'm really looking forward to the day when you shuffle off your spotty pox-marked furry coil, I shed my geeky image, sign on a full-time stylist, take dance lessons and disappear into the night! Ha ha!"

Crow: "You're gonna disappear right now, if you don't shut up! Don't think I haven't thought of disowning you! I realish the thought! Nightly! Nightly! Do you hear me, NIGHTLY!!"

Tom (reverting to his geeky demeanor): "Uhh... have I mentioned our new lite has 1/3 the calories of our regular popcorn?"

Crow: "What do you care, you can't afford it! You're flat busted!"

Tom (starting to choke up): "T-t-that our nuh-new popcorn au gratin has real cheese fuh-flavor?"

Crow: "Good! You should get used to it; you're gonna be eating a lot of cheese! Government cheese!"

Tom (hysterical): "Why do you always do this?! I hate you! I've always hated you! What happened to my real father, anyway?!"

Crow: "He's in the poorhouse where I replaced him! Just like where I'm gonna replace you if you don't shut up and do what I say! (Tom now totally loses it and breaks down sobbing) It's my will, MY will, not yours! I've got the keys to the kingdom! I! ME! I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!!"

Tom (shreiking by now): I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!

(Joel enters as director and holding clipboard)

Joel: "Hey, cut! Cut! Can we cut it, again? Listen, remember, this is only a 30-second spot. And try to mention the product more, huh? Oh, we've also got commercial sign."

Classic.

[Parthuman]

How many artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three: One to photograph the King of Spain, the other to scan it into a portrait of Magneto. And the third to screw in the light bulb.

[Parthuman]

How many people with Pym particles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ah, never mind.

[David Bedlam]

The Far Side. By Charles Manson.

Lots of cartoons, but this (http://choppingblock.org/d/20000802.html) is my favourate so far.

[David Bedlam]

I stand corrected. This (http://choppingblock.org/d/20000815.html) made me shoot milk out my nose!

Which is odd, since I wasn't drinking anything....

[the4thpip]

http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/tittyboo.jpg

[the4thpip]

http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/tit-bits.jpg

[Zerg Janitor]

Vin Diesel.....FACTS!!!!!!!!!11!!1ONE (http://www.4q.cc/vin/)


Samples.

"Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again."

"The classic pirate skull and crossbones symbol was modeled directly off of one of Vin Diesel's x-rays. "

"He won a Quake3 tournament at QuakeCon even though he was playing Counter-Strike. "

"Vin Diesel has the power to turn himself invisible, but only when no one else is watching. "


"Before his breakout roles in Hollywood, Vin Diesel was one of eight essential vitamins most commonly found in cereals. "

[Kyuubi]

The day my wife met my girlfriend. (http://hotniss.com/page.php?id=193&a=dl&PHPSESSID=4bcfdf6fe1f0d2d5088cbd3be4e67fc2)

[Kyuubi]

Screw "The Ring", this is a hundred times scarier.

http://img59.echo.cx/img59/8462/11136347063657qv.jpg

[Crowley]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/brianjcrowley/goofy%20crap/FUTBEARgonewild.jpg

[Kyuubi]

http://img111.echo.cx/img111/1/10856979838860jr.gif

[Kyuubi]

Anakin Dynamite (http://www.kontrabandcontent.co.uk/1/graphics/movies/Anakin_dynamite1.wmv)

[Michael P]

Show Me The Way To Amarillo (http://www.big-boys.com/articles/armyrillo.html)

[David Bedlam]

Show Me The Way To Amarillo (http://www.big-boys.com/articles/armyrillo.html)

I'm pretty much in awe of those people. They have the s***est job on the planet right now, but they're still smiling!

*claps*

[Kyuubi]

How to dance like a white guy. (http://www.putfile.com/media.php?n=dance_whiteguy)

[Crowley]

http://www.postercrazy.com/fun/parodies/warposters/turbanator.jpg
http://www.postercrazy.com/fun/parodies/warposters/bush_worldnotenough.jpg

[the4thpip]

http://www.salon.com/comics/boll/2005/05/26/boll/story.gif

[Crowley]

http://www.lameyhouse.com/outside/livejournal/vaderbeggar.jpg

[The Xenos]

Might as well post this here as well as the Episode III thread:

http://unitedstatesofno.ytmnd.com/ (music)

-Xenos

[Cam63]

Who circumsises whales ?

Foreskin divers.

[Crowley]

http://gorillamask.net/mariomishaps.shtml

[Kyuubi]

http://picturesofwa.temp.powweb.com/gallerypics/010405/01hammertime.jpg

[the4thpip]

http://picturesofwa.temp.powweb.com/gallerypics/010405/01hammertime.jpg
http://mitglied.lycos.de/the4thpip/hammer.gif

[Kyuubi]

Because you probably demanded it...


Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Michael Jackson Trial. (http://download.ifilm.com/qt/portal/2672935_300.mov)

[Kyuubi]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/overt/norahwhthumb.jpg

[the4thpip]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/overt/norahwhthumb.jpg
:D :D
That's great.

On CNN, the newscrawler read "Michael Jackson guilty on all counts" at first. Guess they expected a different outcome.

[Cam63]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/overt/norahwhthumb.jpg

Well, someone has to help keep the garden tidy.