a poem

[gryhpon]

the rain hides my tears at the thoughts of what you have done
i did not know you but in brotherhood and sisterhood we are all one
your loss will weigh on my heart like a an anchor from a sunken ship
you will not be just another record on a sonar chart of a blip
your memory will be preserved as best as we can try
but the question we will ask about you will always be ...why?

[gryhpon]

if anyone thinks the quality of this is bad, that is because i wrote in a single sitting just so i could put the emotion i had at the time down in words.
this was written to help me deal with a suicide and acted as a release for some feelings i had.

[a. non]

*hug*......

[gryhpon]

*hug*......

thank you very much

[Tetsuo_man]

It was pretty good though I wouldn't have made it one big stanza besides that it's well written. Also the comic book script I had you look over got rejected. The two main reasons were if someone had a button like in the story why would they become a superhero logically (I showed the script to a couple of others besides you and no one thought of that) and the ending had no payoff or surprise. Anyway good poem.

[gryhpon]

It was pretty good though I wouldn't have made it one big stanza besides that it's well written..

hmm, i do tend to make a lot of my poems one stanza, i guess thats what i need to work on then

[Ghost]

Well, the rhymes are good and it reads well enough. I don't mind it being one stanza, since it's pretty short. It doesn't have much of a meter, though, which I think is kinda unfortunate.

Also, if this is directed at the suicidal, the line that starts with "Your loss" sounds odd. I suppose it can mean loss of ones life, but it's not how people usually use the phrase and can get confusing.

Other then that, yeah, I've read worse poetry.

Oh, and... *hug*

[gryhpon]

Well, the rhymes are good and it reads well enough. I don't mind it being one stanza, since it's pretty short. It doesn't have much of a meter, though, which I think is kinda unfortunate.

Also, if this is directed at the suicidal, the line that starts with "Your loss" sounds odd. I suppose it can mean loss of ones life, but it's not how people usually use the phrase and can get confusing.

Other then that, yeah, I've read worse poetry.

Oh, and... *hug*

i have heard people say "your loss" in this context, but now it does seem wierd to me.
thanik you