Who Knows The Nerdiest Joke?

[Pink Bat Maxine]

We'll find out here!

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?". The bartender says, "For you? No charge."

One atom is talking to another atom. The first atom says, "I think I've lost an electron." The second atom asks, "Are you sure?" The first atom says, "I'm positive!"

[Flamebird]

What did the cyborg say to the android?


"I'm more man than you'll ever be."

:redface:

[Infra-Man]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Philip Glass

[Crowforge]

What did pi say to the sine wave?
I'm not nerdy enough to finish this joke.

[CutterMike]

What did pi say to the sine wave?
I'm not nerdy enough to finish this joke.

I'd beat you within an angstrom of your life for that, if I wasn't afraid the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle might carry you over!

[a. non]

A physics professor and his assistant were working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden the assistant said, "Wait, professor--what if the salicylic acids don't accept the hydroxyl ions?" and the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl iron--that's my wife!"

[Flamebird]

A physics professor and his assistant were working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden the assistant said, "Wait, professor--what if the salicylic acids don't accept the hydroxyl ions?" and the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl iron--that's my wife!"

Dexter, is that you?

[a. non]

Dexter, is that you?

Dee Dee! Get out of my la-bor-a-tory!

[a. non]

Jerry's car has broken down, so he takes it to a mechanic to get it fixed.
"So, can you fix it?" Jerry asks him.
"I used to be a quantum physicist," the mechanic replies.
"But can you find out what's wrong with it?" Jerry asks again.
"Oh, no. Sorry," the mechanic tells him. "I'd have to look at it."

[Flamebird]

Dee Dee! Get out of my la-bor-a-tory!

Not Dee-Dee:

http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq236/schayche1/Breenew.jpg

[Tetsuo_man]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Philip Glass

Now I have the theme to Mishima a Life in Four Chapters stuck in my head. Which isn't really a bad thing because I actually like Philip Glass. Please don't hurt me.

[mgs]

Nerdiest?

ALL of Robot Chicken is the nerdiest joke!

Watch it. :wink:

[Bouncing Boy]

One atom is talking to another atom. The first atom says, "I think I've lost an electron." The second atom asks, "Are you sure?" The first atom says, "I'm positive!"
My Dad is a physicist who specialized in the ionization of atoms, he also loves puns. When I first read that joke in an issue of Exiles, I e-mailed him immediately and told him that joke. He responded that he thought it was hysterical and when he showed it to my step-mom she didn't get why he thought it was funny. I'll have to email him the neutron joke.

Oh and as for geek jokes, here's a theatre/literature geek joke:

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: An orange, because a vest has no sleeves!

And a Legion of Super-Heroes geek joke:

Q: How many Bismolians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: *burp*

[Tobias March]

A different kind of nerdy.

So one day a man is coming home and sees two fellows standing on the roof of his building. Curious, he heads up to meet them.

When he arrives the two men are involved in an animated discussion. After he inquires what is the matter, they reply that they were just discussing the invisible trampoline suspended in mid-air beside the building.

'Invisible trampoline!?', the man said.

'Yes, just watch and I'll show you' and the fellow who spoke jumped off the roof and bounced right back as if he had landed on a trampoline.

'Amazing', the man exclaimed and leapt off the building falling to his death.

After a moment one of the men turned to the other and said


'You're such a bastard Superman'.

Then there's the old one about Wonder Woman sunbathing naked, but I'll leave that to someone else.

[Pink Bat Maxine]

A different kind of nerdy.

So one day a man is coming home and sees two fellows standing on the roof of his building. Curious, he heads up to meet them.

When he arrives the two men are involved in an animated discussion. After he inquires what is the matter, they reply that they were just discussing the invisible trampoline suspended in mid-air beside the building.

'Invisible trampoline!?', the man said.

'Yes, just watch and I'll show you' and the fellow who spoke jumped off the roof and bounced right back as if he had landed on a trampoline.

'Amazing', the man exclaimed and leapt off the building falling to his death.

After a moment one of the men turned to the other and said


'You're such a bastard Superman'.

Then there's the old one about Wonder Woman sunbathing naked, but I'll leave that to someone else.

Oh, dirty nerd jokes.....

"You think YOU'RE Thor? I'm not going to be able to thit down for a week!"

[Pink Bat Maxine]

Oh, and one my father, the engineer, sent me:

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Tobias March]

Then there's that great Simpsons moment....

C:DOS

C:DOS/RUN

C:RUN/DOS/RUN

[Bouncing Boy]

Then there's the old one about Wonder Woman sunbathing naked, but I'll leave that to someone else.

Okay, so one day Superman was feeling really horny, but he needed a wing man, so he flew over to the batcave and asked if he wanted to go cruising in the Batmobile to pick up chicks.

"I'll have to give you a rain check on that Clark," Batman said, "The Joker just broke out of Arkham Asylum and I have to go catch him."

So Superman went to see the Flash in Central City, but Flash said, "I'msorrybutI'mreallybusyTheTrickster'sonthelooseag ainandMirrorMasterjustrobedaliquorstoreandCaptainB oomarangisholdingupanarmoredcarsoIjustdon'thavethe time"

So Superman went to see Green Lantern but he said, "I'm sorry but I have to go to a meeting out on OA with the rest of the Corps"

So Superman went to Atlantis to try to get Aquaman to be his wing man but Aquaman said, "I'm sorry, my brother, Ocean Master is causing problems for a bunch of humpback wales so I have to go take care of that."

So as Superman came back out of the water and was flying over an island, he sees Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on a beach and he thinks to himself, "you know, I could just go in and out at super-speed and she'd never know I was there." So he pulled off his tights at superspeed, went down and did his business and then put his tights back on an flew off.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman asked.

"I'm not sure," said Invisible Kid who was on vacation from the 30th Century, "but my butt hurts"

[Bouncing Boy]

I just thought of a rather nerdy philosophy joke.

One day Rene Descartes went to a tavern near the university where he taught and a student came up to him and said, "Professor, can I buy you a drink?"

Descartes really wanted to be alone so he said, "I think not!" and POOF he disappeared.

[Crowforge]

Oh that's so corny!

[Arkaengel]

Yesterday I informed a colleague that his mama was the dirty bit in the Unix filesystem. I am proud to have brought computer geekiness to the yo'mama joke.

[Cam63]

Dilbert sees his friend Cedrick riding a brand new bike and calls out, " Hey, Ced' ! That's one seriously nice ride ! "

Cedrick smiles as he pulls up alongside. " It sure is, Dilb'. That it is. "

" Where'd you get it ? "

" Seriously, Dilbert... Yesterday I was eating my lunch in the park and to my complete and utter astonishment, a beautiful young person of the female persuasion riding THIS very bike approached me and got off of it. "

" Yeah !? Then what ? "

" She took off all her clothes and exclaimed, ' Take anything you like ! ' "

" Whoaaaa, Cedrick...You dog ! "

" Yeah... Besides, I didn't think her clothes would fit me anyway. "

[Infra-Man]

Now I have the theme to Mishima a Life in Four Chapters stuck in my head. Which isn't really a bad thing because I actually like Philip Glass. Please don't hurt me.

I like Philip Glass too. The knock-knock joke's funny if you like him or not.

[suedenim]

My favorite economics joke:

An economist is walking down the street with a friend. The friend stops and says "Hey look, a $20 bill on the ground!" The economist coolly replies "Can't be. If there was a $20 bill on the ground someone would have picked it up by now."

[oddballuk]

Oh, and one my father, the engineer, sent me:

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

I'm sure you meant to say:

01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110100 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100100 01100101


01110100011010000110111101110011011001010010000001 11010001101000011000010111010000100000011001000110 11110010000001100001011011100110010000100000011101 00011010000110111101110011011001010010000001110100 01101000011000010111010000100000011001000110111100 100000011011100110111101110100

:biggrin:

[Dark Galaxy]

An oldie but goodie:

"Four engineers" - There are four engineers traveling in a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer.

The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again," says the mechanical engineer.

"Well," says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be a grounding problem," says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and ask: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again ..."

[Beacon]

Nerdiest?

ALL of Robot Chicken is the nerdiest joke!

Watch it. :wink:

Also, all of Futurama.

“No fair, you changed the outcome by measuring it!”

[section 8]

Demetri Martin....all I'm sayin'

Anyway I got one from a friend yesterday, He had a good one, not Nerdy per se'.

Two Popes and a Lawyer were standing at the Gates of Heaven
The first pose entered and ST Peter led him to his new home...A run-down shack

When ST Peter returned he led the second Pope to a run-down shack as well

The Lawyer however, was led to a huge luxurious mansion.

When the two Popes heard about this, they confronted ST. Peter saying
"Why is it that we served the Lord our entire lives, we were Popes, and we get to spend eternity in shacks, while this man was a mere lawyer, and he gets a Mansion?

St. Peter scoffed
"We get Popes all the time, but this is the first Lawyer we've seen in nearly two thousand years!!"

[Grazzt]

Why is love like pi?

It's irrational and very important.

[CutterMike]

Why is love like pi?

It's irrational and very important.

And they both make the world go 'round.

[CannonFodder]

Demetri Martin....all I'm sayin'

^^^Winner!

"Whenever I see the high scores on a video game, I feel like you could put "....is lonely" after each name."

[KevinTBrown]

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

[4thHorseman]

Little Jimmy was a chemist,
Now little Jimmy is no more,
Because what he thought was H20
Was H2SO4

[4thHorseman]

Girls = time x money
time = money (time is money)
girls = money²
money = √evil (money is the root of all evil)
Girls = evil

[Weetomuncher]

Why doesn't the Isle of Man play international football?

Because FIFA won't let them play ties over three legs!

[4thHorseman]

Some pick up lines:

I wish I could be your derivative so I could be tangent to your curves.

Hey babe, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?

"Hey baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes"

[Weetomuncher]

A Commodore 64 owner switched on his new computer 25 years ago, only to be greeted by a screen telling him to "Press Any Key To Begin" but he never did find the 'Any' key.

A Commodore 64 has 16 colours, 8 of them are brown and the others are grey.

The world's first 64 bit computer was a Commodore 64 which was thrown out of a 12th floor window by a man who couldn't find the 'Any' key.

The Nintendo 64 was 100 times more powerful than the moon landing computer but at least that had a decent version of FIFA.

The designer of the Xbox 360 recently got married. His wife is the proud owner of a red flashing wedding ring.

[Grazzt]

Girls = time x money
time = money (time is money)
girls = money²
money = √evil (money is the root of all evil)
Girls = evil

In that vein:

work=time*power

Since we know time is money and knowledge is power, we get:

work=money*knowledge

Isolating money gets us:

money=work/knowledge

Note that as knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work you put in.

[CutterMike]

In that vein:

(...)

And also...

Harvard University nerd humor:

Show mathematically that unrequited love proves that the Massachusetts Institute of Technology sucks:

Premise: Without her, I am nothing.

ME - SHE = 0
Balance the equation:

ME = SHE
Isolate equivalent terms:

M(E) = SH(E)
Replace equivalent terms:

M(IT) = SH(IT)
Concluusion: Massachusetts Institute of Technology sucks.

QED

[Rob Allen]

Engineers arguing about God:

The mechanical engineer says, "God is obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - the intricate, incredibly versatile design!"

The electronic engineer says, "No, God has to be an electronic engineer. That human body would be useless without the control of the brain and nervous system!"

The civil engineer says, "God is clearly a civil engineer. Look again at the human body. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline right thru the middle of a major recreational area?"

[Weetomuncher]

A report on BBC News stated the following :

A truck carrying a shipment of Windows Vista disks has been hijacked in the outskirts of London.

The truck was found two hours later and everything of value has been stolen.

Police have asked the public to be on the lookout for anyone selling a car stereo, a London A-Z and a Nokia mobile phone which plays the A Team theme when it rings.

[Metronome35]

I recall laughing at a really nerdy quip that Pip or someone similar made on these boards once. Someone was posting scans of the Legion of Superhero covers, and Pip made a crack about a cover image of Braniac 5 being more like a Braniac-three-and-a-half or something because of his unimpressive groin.

Naturally, I'm the biggest nerd in this pointless anecdote for even remembering something like that.

[Loren]

Not a joke per se, but the best nerdy pick-up line I know:

I wish I were your derivative, so I could lie tangent to your curves.

[PhilHibbs]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary, those who understand Gray Code, and those who don't.

[PhilHibbs]

Also:

The "B" in "Benoit B. Mandelbrot" stands for "Benoit B. Mandelbrot"

[Professor Moriarty]

doctor who joke:

that was so stupid, it was re-tardis!

[Spike-X]

Also:

The "B" in "Benoit B. Mandelbrot" stands for "Benoit B. Mandelbrot"

But what does the "B" in "Benoit B. Mandelbrot" stand for?

[mikekerrIII]

But what does the "B" in "Benoit B. Mandelbrot" stand for?

Benoit B. Mandelbrot:tongue:

[carabas]

"Babushka", because the civil servant who wrote the birth certificate got the joke but ran out of space).

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Two men in a tiny, cramped apartment:

"Do you have any pets?"
"Sure. I keep about 10,000 bees."
"Where?"
"Here."
"That's impossible! There's no room!"
"No, really. They're all here, in this shoebox."
"Why a shoebox?"
"Fuck 'em."

[Iangould]

A combination of the first two "

This neutron walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The proton behind the bar pulls the pint and hands it to him.

"How much is that?" asks the neutron.

:For you? No charge."

"Are you sure?" says the neutron.

To which the proton responds: "I'm positive."

[Iangould]

A doctor, a biologist, an astronomer, a particle physicist and a politician and debating the nature of god.

The doctor points out that God crated Eve from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure, therefore god is a doctor.

The biologist points out that prior to that, God created all living things, therefore he's a biologist.

The astronomer points out that prior to that God created the heavens and the Earth and therefore he's an astronomer.

But the physicist point out that before this God the universe was Chaos and void and darkness until God said "Let there be light."Light is composed of photons. Therefore God is a particle physicist.

"Ah" says the politician "but who created the chaos?"

[JamesRitcheyIII]

I like Philip Glass too. The knock-knock joke's funny if you like him or not.
Seconded--that was great.

Hmmm...my favorite joke of this sort?

Q: What did the Dyslexic, Agnostic Insomniac do?
A: Stayed up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.