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View Full Version : Bump in the Night -- Looking for Feedback

pigkiller
02-14-2009, 08:01 PM
I am just interested in getting some feedback on a pitch I have been working on. It's called Bump in the Night, and I am pitching it as Ninja Turtles, meets The Outsiders, meets Of Mice and Men.

The main characters are trolls living in the sewers of New York, and the comic is mostly about prejudice and identity and pop culture.

Anyways if anyone wants to glance over it and give me some feedback, especially on the lettering (I am the writer/letterer), it'd be greatly appreciated. The Artist is Sebastian Piriz.

This is my first attempt at lettering, so any tips or suggestions are welcome.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c80/jepainter/BINpage1.jpg

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c80/jepainter/BINpage2.jpg

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c80/jepainter/BINpage3.jpg

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c80/jepainter/BINpage4.jpg
pigkiller
02-14-2009, 08:01 PM
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c80/jepainter/BINpage5.jpg
dumhed01
02-15-2009, 12:19 AM
I really like the art on this.
But i can't read the dialogue because i have the eyes of a 90 year old man..
With shitty eye sight.
pigkiller
02-15-2009, 02:37 PM
Oh yeah, They are totally small. Especially since I was asking about lettering. I'll post some bigger ones.

And to clarify, the lettering is just a font, I was more asking about the balloons and flow and stuff, but i know you need to be able to read the text to really judge a lot of that.
dumhed01
02-15-2009, 04:49 PM
Well the flow seems fine to me.
I took the time to squint at the screen and read the whole thing.
But the lettering seems perfectly fine.
The dialogue seemed a bit..
I wanna say choppy but that may not be the word.
Is this the very beginning of the story or is this just some pages from it?
pigkiller
02-15-2009, 07:36 PM
yeah, it's the beginning. It is supposed to thrust the reader into the world right away, and then more is explained throughout the first issue, about the bridge trolls, and the sewer trolls, and the garbage trolls and all of the characters.

Reading back through it I can see what you're saying about it seeming a little choppy. How I read it in my head it sounds okay, but looking at it with a fresh eye I can see what you're saying. I might expand some of the dialogue.

Thanks for taking the time to look through it again.
crazyredlady
02-16-2009, 07:42 PM
ok, I got the sewere trolls right away, and the garbage troll...bridge trolls took me a second look and the action sequence was brilliant (IMHO). I only wonder if any of these trolls have names or anything.
pigkiller
02-17-2009, 09:38 PM
ok, I got the sewere trolls right away, and the garbage troll...bridge trolls took me a second look and the action sequence was brilliant (IMHO). I only wonder if any of these trolls have names or anything.

I totally know about the names. I am gonna add a name or to to the dialogue. I have a really hard time making that seem natural.

I am going to change "Yeah fuckin' really." to "Fuck Jakie, really."

so that's one.
pigkiller
02-24-2009, 10:20 PM
Also, if anyone has any advice, about pitching to publishers, that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.
dumhed01
02-24-2009, 11:57 PM
I totally know about the names. I am gonna add a name or to to the dialogue. I have a really hard time making that seem natural.

I am going to change "Yeah fuckin' really." to "Fuck Jakie, really."

so that's one.

That's the one piece of dialogue i was kinda meh about..
Good change, man.

Cheers.