I think I need a new job

[PatrickG]

So...

I work as a restaurant host. I've worked as a server before; the stress load was high and while I made what were apparently excellent tips, I carried the baggage of the shift around me for hours and my attitude was that if I was still consumed by work, emotionally and physically, hours later, then my actual per hour wages were reduced by however long I was stuck in "work mode". I'm trying to finish school (I graduate in May) and pay for my modest expenses until then.

A restaurant host is generally in charge of a certain amount of cleaning and organization, handling the phone and organizing where tables can go. Reservations may fall into responsibilities as well but my chain does not take reservations (although the district manager has been encouraging managers to bend this for large parties due to the economy).

When there is no standing line waiting for tables, this means I am supposed to make sure that every server's table is more or less sat equally. When there is a standing line, I'm supposed to seat tables by availability and in the order they come in, according to our sign in sheet.

Some restaurants arrange for hosts (and/or bartenders) to receive a percentage of the servers' tips. My restaurant does not and so I am simply an hourly employee. As such, I view my job as an attempt to impartially facilitate corporate policy, represent the company's interests and generally represent the managers in a low authority position. I take this job fairly seriously and have happily come in to vacuum out booths, clean ceiling fans and light fixtures, polish the metal surfaces and even purchase and/or transport product as needed.

Some of our stronger servers (and this is true at most restaurants) tend to flex their value to the store. They intentionally forget to ring in drinks and salads and offer lunch specials after-hours and they know there is an extent to which they can get away with this. They take more than their share of tables, push for an uneven share and take more tables than the maximum number allowed as mandated by policy. Given the amount of labor hours allocated by corporate, this is almost necessary to keep the doors open since, between 2 and 4 o'clock and after around 7 o'clock, the managers have to start sending servers home with almost no regard to how busy it is.

Last night, we has a server who generally tries to take direct phone calls from tables in order to bypass the host staff and take what are essentially illegal reservations. Another host intercepted these phone calls and made sure that they did NOT get through to the server. Servers should not be receiving personal calls at work outside of emergencies anyway. I know of at least four people who have been killed before due to phone calls confirming their presence at a retail or restaurant job and I am a firm believer that whoever answers the phone should never even acknowledge the presence of someone at a job other than themselves and their managers, not even to an employee's family.

Anyway, this server entered the lobby (strike one), found that she had a party waiting that had requested her, started to seat them herself -- skipping one or two people on the list who were waiting and might otherwise be entitled to her open table (strike two) and then told me to back off when I told her that the host staff was trying to negotiate things so that her open table would go to her call party WITHOUT skipping anyone who was waiting (strike three). I told her that seating people is not her job. She screamed at me, like she does whenever she thinks I'm being high strung, and I told her she could take it up with management.

I darted to the kitchen with her following fast behind me and when there was no manager in the food preparation alley, we started arguing. Loudly. She told me that her parties were her business and I told her that seating tables was none of her business. It got louder and louder. I told her she had zero authority over anything except how she treated the tables she was given. She told me I needed to get over myself. A co-worker stepped inbetween us, placing a hand on each of us as we screamed at eachother and she tried to inch in closer.

Management heard and pulled us into the office. As soon as they asked me what happened, she started screaming at me again and I started screaming back at her. She was sent to check on her tables and I requested that I be sent home.

I should have stepped away but I didn't feel like I was even being given the option to. I wanted to take care of her party but I wanted to do it without slighting the people who'd arrived first and follow the waiting list, by the book. I don't think this is reconcilable. We have butted heads before on this issue and every time it does, she starts a screaming contest and comes closer to taking a swing at me. When it comes to breaking protocol, I will bend it for the maximum good of everyone but I will not break it and if pushed and screamed at and denied a chance at mediation, I will yell back as soon as I am out of earshot of customers.

What disgusts me most about this is that the party she was doing this for is a preacher and his family, people who should be above seeking special treatment or breaking rules for the sake of convenience. I think it's unchristian and ungodly and gross hypocrisy and I think these servers who try to cheat the system for the guests taint the integrity of their guests in the process.

[fireSTRIKE!]

Your only mistake was that you allowed yourself to be suckplayed into her drama with the screaming rant, thereby making yourself look just as bad as her... in front of fellow employees and possibly customers in a restaurant, of all places, that's not good... if you had problems before, you should have taken it up with management and voiced your complaints and concerns... waiting and allowing a bad situation to escalate and get even worse was a bad move on your part, especially now that she almost wants to assault you... and when management pulled the two of you in, what happens?... she proceeded to go off on you in front of them... what was your mistake?... you got suckplayed again and started to go off on a rant with HER... what is management supposed to think NOW?... you should have just played it cool, and let her go off, letting management see her true colors, thereby making yourself look as the better person and employee... regarding everything else, concerning restaurant procedure, you were fine... but when it came to this other employee, that's where you messed up... if management hasn't been aware of this problem before this, I'll be mighty surprised, what with her going off on an occasional screamrant... I'll be surprised if no other employees have brought it up to management about the uncomfortable atmosphere and tension that's being generated by the two of you... if this is a new problem to management, then someone's either going to be reprimanded, suspended or fired... if you're planning on quitting, just hang back to see what happens... if management does the right thing and lets her go, everything's cool... if she is only reprimanded or suspended, hang back and see how she responds from management's action against her... the decision as to what to do is yours, but remember one thing... even if she DOES begin to behave herself properly, and the two of you remain there as coemployees, there will always be underlying tension between the two of you, even if the both of you are restrained... and that can be just as uncomfortable as being in a shouting match with someone... good luck with whatever happens...

[PatrickG]

even if she DOES begin to behave herself properly, and the two of you remain there as coemployees, there will always be underlying tension between the two of you, even if the both of you are restrained...

This is one thing I don't get about her in particular. She does carry a grudge between one argument to the next.

Restaurant is high stress. People bicker and argue. I can't think of any two given people in any restaurant I have ever worked with who have never bickered about something.

But each case is an isolated incident and you see the same people who were swearing at eachother having drinks later.

This isn't the case with this girl and a part of what presses my buttons is that every time we have an argument, she brings up the previous arguments as some kind of extended justification for doing whatever she wants.

In my experience, ALMOST everybody argues, at least out of the sight of customers. But when the situation is over, you drop it. Forever. Doesn't matter what somebody called my mother. Doesn't matter if somebody threatened my life. If it's serious, it's brought to a manager's attention. But employees drop the issue, cold turkey.

And I've NEVER seen a case where one side kept pushing an argument over half an hour after having it.

This girl is still mad over the time two months ago when the ladies' room was low on toilet paper (but not out) and I told her it would have to wait ten minutes while I took care of the twenty people who rolled into the lobby at open.

I don't get it. We exchange cross words, away from customers. The situation gets resolved. It's dropped. That's how it works. No one has a right to hate anyone, ever, and certainly not over anything shy of a felony.

That's not how she's playing it. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to play chicken with people and I hate conflict. If it comes down to it, I can roll into work fifteen minutes early every day and start riding managers every time she's fifteen minutes late, which is most days. I can play restaurant cop and catch her reserving tables and maybe even catch her giving away food without lowering the quality of my work.

I don't WANT to do that. I'm a rules guy but NOT a disciplinarian. I like enabling people to do their best and letting it go whenever people don't as long as they aren't pushing against any rules or boundaries overtly. It's why I want to teach college and not middle school; I want to reward people and benefit them for doing the right thing and let them be if they fall short of that.

When I see good servers who do their sidework and take care of their tables and let me do my job, I go the extra mile to bus and restock their tables, to make sure they know when they've been seated, to get them drinks or even appetizer orders when they're slammed, to do things that even management tells me I don't have to do.

But when somebody sucks at their job, when somebody nags me for tables when every server is hurting for them, when somebody is notoriously lazy and never wants to work or wants to shift work off onto other people, I don't help them and I may make a comment to a manager if it's a chronic problem but I don't work against them.

My attitude is that I want to help everybody be what they aspire and work to be... and I LIKE being support for people. Backup. An assistant. If somebody is only aspiring to be crappy, I let them be crappy. If somebody is working to be great, I try to help them be great if their best effort is still falling short. I figure economics will balance things out so that the good people stay and the bad people get better or find better work.

But when somebody cheats the system or keeps a grudge or wants their way all the time even if it isn't remotely the proper way, I snap. It's unfair. I want to strap those people into rockets and launch them into the sun. I'm not going to throw a punch or anything; the first and last person I punched was over 15 years ago and he's dead now so there's not a living person on the planet I've taken an honest swing at.

That "I take care of myself and you should too" attitude is what's torn down this country and the world economy as a whole. It is the single source of virtually all human suffering and I've only ever known a handful of people who wouldn't back down or drop the issue when called out on it. Most people who think like this either don't realize that they think like this or rationalize it away and do feel some sense of shame when confronted on it.

I don't believe that any person should have enemies and I don't believe that anyone has a right to consider me one. But if I get singled out by someone who can't let stuff go even when I'd prefer to, I'm almost inclined to say that I should fight back somehow and do it until one of us doesn't work there because it makes work intolerable otherwise.

Because I can't psychologically function when I have someone screaming at me, following me when I walk away and holding longterm grudges.

I walked away. She followed. She snapped. I tried to walk away. She persisted. No one put a stop to it. I snapped.

I don't see any alternative but to stay cool and try to get her fired, legitimately, by riding management when she does things the wrong instead of coping with it or turning the other way until she decides to verbally assault me the one or two times a month I can't let it slide. And, in turn, that means I have to do everything not only right but beyond and above any reproach.

I just don't think it should ever come to this. I'd be friends with Karl Rove and Al Franken both if they'd let me. I'd be anybody's friend who doesn't ask me to violate my integrity and my beliefs, regardless of what they do.

It's damn senseless.

[fireSTRIKE!]

As I said in my earlier post, hang back and see what comes out this last incident... see what management does or doesn't do where she is concerned, and take it from there... you seem to me to be a good guy and a good employee with high standards and ethics... I'm sure management will see it your way, if you've pointed out to them how things have been going on between the two of you... and I'm sure they recognize all your good points and your good qualities as a person and as an employee... if the management is just and fair, they'll make the right decision... you hang in there, don't let yourself fall into the drama that she creates... you do what you have to and what you think is right while you're there and where she is concerned... I'm confident that you will... if I was in your shoes, and I knew of a coemployee doing wrong, conducting themselves in behaviour that is however inappropriate for a business establishment, and it was done on a consistent basis, where management HAD to be informed, I would feel extremely uncomfortable about doing it... but what needs to be done has to be done... this is business, not schoolyard nonsense... I myself am a person that absolutely hates to do such a thing as to turn a person in where that person may possibly lose a job and livelihood, and that may possibly affect that person's family and welfare, as well... you'll be ok... take it slow and see how it all plays out...

and on a less serious note and to lighten the tension just a bit... two words...

CRAZY BITCH

[section 8]

the first and last person I punched was over 15 years ago and he's dead now
That must have been one hell of a punch...



Because I can't psychologically function when I have someone screaming at me, following me when I walk away and holding longterm grudges.

I walked away. She followed. She snapped. I tried to walk away. She persisted. No one put a stop to it. I snapped.

Here is what you do in such a situation,

Stand there while she screams, Fold your arms, look bored if you can, DO NOT ARGUE with her that is hat she wants) and when she finally stops, or pauses takes a breath ask "Are you done?" or "Is that all?"

this will piss her off beyond words, and anyone who witnesses this (customer or Co-worker alike) will see her freaking out while you remained cool.

[shrike]

If one coworker and one an argument makes you want a new job altogether, all I can say to that is... yikes.

[shrike]

Here is what you do in such a situation,

Stand there while she screams, Fold your arms, look bored if you can, DO NOT ARGUE with her that is hat she wants) and when she finally stops, or pauses takes a breath ask "Are you done?" or "Is that all?"

this will piss her off beyond words, and anyone who witnesses this (customer or Co-worker alike) will see her freaking out while you remained cool.

As much as I generally disagree with your posts, THIS one is so on the money it isn't even funny.

[PatrickG]

If one coworker and one an argument makes you want a new job altogether, all I can say to that is... yikes.

Did I mention I make effectively minimum wage?

I can deal with that because I like the idea of a low stress level and there are a handful of people I like.

But I sure ain't getting paid to deal with spikes in stress when I picked the job in spite of its pay for the "low stress" option.

And this wasn't an argument. This was a shouting match with a third party applying physical restraint.

I have arguments with co-workers now and then. Those arguments don't usually involve someone taking a swing at me.

And I have zero-friggin'-tolerence for somebody not just walking but tap dancing over the rules for personal gain in any workplace.

Somebody physically comes up and starts doing your job, intent on slighting the people you're trying to help for the sake of lining their wallet, I'd sure as hell hope anybody would be close to having a stroke over it.

[stealthwise]

Yeah, all of that drama above (I'll be honest, I skimmed most of it, as I'm a bit tired) isn't worth minimum wage. It's likely not even worth a few bucks above min. wage either. Your best bet is something with little responsibility or worries, something you can pass the time quickly doing or at least spend with less stress. Maybe as a dishwasher or a video store clerk? (Obviously I'd recommend something a bit more stimulating or better paying, but if you're still going to school you'll want something that you can manage your hours around your classes.)

[Major Comma]

Protocol Wise,
Sounds like you handled it fine.
But you let her get to you .
it would have been better if she was the only one that got upset .
Next time,
as she is screaming at you, report it to someone above you both in the chain of command that you know she wouldnt want to know about this .
as she is yelling at you, either call or walk to this person while being outwardly polite to her as she continues to scream at you.
Her unprofessionalism will stick out like a sore thumb.
dont worry,
you can get through this.

[Samurai]

This is one thing I don't get about her in particular. She does carry a grudge between one argument to the next.



I've never met a woman who didn't... I think a study somewhere said it was partly the way female brains are wired, they tie emotions (good and bad) to past events and recall them with greater facility than males, who tend to live (and argue) somewhat more in the moment.

[Solaris]

I'll try to respond to the other stuff later (I've worked as a Steak n Ale hostess before), but wanted to go ahead and address this part, from the customer's standpoint:

We often make friends with our servers. In many places, we will ask if they're working, and if so, could we sit in their section. Now, we *don't* want to be put ahead of anyone else waiting---but at the same time, the server has made it extra fun to be there, given us great service, etc., and often, the hope of them being our server plays a role in whether we choose "x" or "y" restaurant for the night.

When we ask to be seated with a server, we trust the host staff to figure out if it's feasible. We don't want to go ahead of anyone before us---but we both know that often 2-3 tables will open up at about the same time; if we're asking for Rudy and the other people are just waiting, it's just as easy to seat the folks ahead of us with another server who's got an open table, and then when it's our turn put us with him.

We love being people's "regulars": we've both worked service jobs, know how hard they can be, and also remember how our *own* "regulars" could provide a bright spot in a bad day, or just make our smiles a little bigger. We like being able to pass that on as customers, by being the ones to put a bright spot in the day of folks we know are great and need it.

I don't know what this minister and family are like---but maybe it's like that for them. :smile:

[Reverend Smooth]

That must have been one hell of a punch...





Here is what you do in such a situation,

Stand there while she screams, Fold your arms, look bored if you can, DO NOT ARGUE with her that is hat she wants) and when she finally stops, or pauses takes a breath ask "Are you done?" or "Is that all?"

this will piss her off beyond words, and anyone who witnesses this (customer or Co-worker alike) will see her freaking out while you remained cool.Quoted for emphasis.

And if she takes a swing at you, charge her with assault.

[section 8]

As much as I generally disagree with your posts

You, half the board, two of the three mods, and probably someone I forgot.

But fret not, being right all of the time is MY burden not yours.:tongue:


*sigh* Sometimes I'm not sure why I stick around YABS......I think it may be out of sheer defiance.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

When I worked in a steak house awhile back we were all close and helped each other. I was finishing my shift that night working in display area and this hostess asked me if I'd sit a couple of people while she took a break . Knowing we had already let a lot of people go and it was the closing staff and the girl was hungry I said "sure".

Now a server told me the way back sections had been clean since it was late and we were cleaning. So I asked them what side they wanted and table. Never being a Hostess before. I let all the people choose where they'd sit.

The manager finally 10-15 minutes came in and told me he'd take over hosting til the girl came back. Saying he was ok with it but some of the servers complained since they had rules where each couple/people were placed in their table spots.

Thats one of the things I never did do...server. I worked all over the place. But never server. Patrick G ...you have my sympothy man.

But my advice... FUCK IT. Don't let the whole thing eat at ya man. I worked 1 year and half in a place like that and let me tell ya dude...its all about the ASS KISSING man. You don;t kiss the ass ...you never get ahead. Just follow my words of wisdom... "I don't own this shithole ....I just work and get paid from it....so I'm gonna do what I want...when I want."



:wink: