Destroy a character´s life

[Eliseu Gouveia]

How would you one-phrase shatter the world of any comicbook character of your choosing?
Me first: :biggrin:

Mr. Fantastic
"Mr. Richards, I´m affraid Franklyn is not your child, he has atlantean DNA."

Red Skull
"Mr. Schmidt, we had to do a blood transfusion on you. The Falcon was graceful enough to volunteer."

[stealthwise]

Spider-Man:
...oh wait, done already.

Batma... Morrison beat me to it.

Captain Am... no, Darede...

This is fricking hard.

[KevinTBrown]

Green Arrow:
"We're going to have Judd Winick write your adventures forever!"

[Chris Hansbrough]

Green Arrow:
"We're going to have Judd Winick write your adventures forever!"

Fuck you Kevin. Not even funny. Ass Hole :p I just died a little inside......so not funny.......

I'd change it too Green Arrow : YOu have no spine, cheat on the woman you love, shun someone who just experenced tragic news, fake kill your loves daugther without telling her then your impersonator gets killed in bed by the woman who loves you who becomes arm candy.....

there....now I killed both characters.

[mailedbypostman1]

DR. Doom: You are actually in a comic book written by RIICHAAAAARDS!!

[Chris Hansbrough]

Black Panther - You just married Storm.
Storm - YOu Just married Black Panther.

let me ask....how does one write with fists made of Ham

[KevinTBrown]

Black Panther - You just married Storm.
Storm - YOu Just married Black Panther.

let me ask....how does one write with fists made of Ham

Oh, I don't know, you're doing just fine.....

:tongue:

[Chris Hansbrough]

Oh, I don't know, you're doing just fine.....

:tongue:

um.....my fists are made of pure sarcasm and brilliance. unfortunately the brilliance fingers had to be amputated after reading straight shooter......

Green Arrow : Straight Shooter.....

[Infra-Man]

The DC Universe:
"Just sign this five-year contract right here, Mr. Didio."

Wally West:
"Barry Allen's back--no, really this time."

Any member of the current JSA:
"Courtney's dead."

Beta Ray Bill:
"Scuttlebutt is having your baby, you sicko, you."

[Pink Bat Maxine]

Ch'p: A yellow rat trap.

[Dr Ray Palmer]

"I, Black Canary, take you, Green Arrow, to be my lawfully wedded ..."

[KevinTBrown]

The DC Universe:
"Just sign this five-year contract right here, Mr. Didio."

The Marvel Universe:
"Just sign this life-time agreement, Mr. Quesada. Now please erase all the marriages in the Marvel U with anything but divorce or death."

[Dr Ray Palmer]

"Okay, Power Girl, now there was never an Earth-2, so you are from the past, or the future, or maybe Atlantis. Got it? Great, please send Hawkman in on your way out. Oh, and tell Donna Troy to clear her calendar."

[4PointOh]

"Diana, Herakles IS your father."

[Infra-Man]

The Marvel Universe:
"Just sign this life-time agreement, Mr. Quesada. Now please erase all the marriages in the Marvel U with anything but divorce or death."

Mephisto is going to get lots of page-time. His agent will be pleased.

[Astonishing X-Fan]

Ultimate Iron Man: "Prohibition is back!"

[Rik Levins]

"Dear Diary: I'm sure of it now--the bastard's planning to leave me, and that damned prenup means I'll wind up penniless. But I've got a little surprise for him. When the three of us leave the movie tonight, I'll suggest that we take a shortcut through the alley, and the man I've hired will be waiting to put a couple of bullets through his black heart."

"I''m afraid I have bad news, Mr. Kent. Your wife is suffering from cumulative radiation poisoning; it appears she's been exposed to a potent source of X-Rays over a period of years."

[CutterMike]

"So, you see, Lex, it appears that the Luthors adopted you as their own child after they found you as the last survivor of a crashed Thanagarian ship. Ironic, eh?"

[Tracer Bullet]

Spider-Man
"I'm afraid your Uncle Ben was a child molester, and the man who shot him was actually one of his former victims."

[Eliseu Gouveia]

"Dear Diary: I'm sure of it now--the bastard's planning to leave me, and that damned prenup means I'll wind up penniless. But I've got a little surprise for him. When the three of us leave the movie tonight, I'll suggest that we take a shortcut through the alley, and the man I've hired will be waiting to put a couple of bullets through his black heart."

Ah! Ah!
Rik, that was masterful.
To think I actualy thought it would be impossible to outdo the desecration of Gwen Stacy.... :biggrin:

[TCJohnson]

"I am sorry, Mr. Lawton, but your trachoma is just too far advanced."

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

"I'm afraid it's penile cancer, Mr. Excellente."

[Matt Doc Martin]

Frank Castle does not know it, but we have replaced his regular bullets with Nerf Foam Darts.

[KevinTBrown]

"Welcome back, Mr. Kent. I apologize for taking so long, but we had a slight computer malfunction. I never thought we'd get you out of that hologram simulation of 'super-hero world'. At least you're all right now!"

[Tad Sivana]

"Only a year ago he was a paranoid mess. He once hallucinated a giant squid materializing in midtown and knew that he had to get help. Today, since he turned his life around with those Lithium treatments, Mr. Rorshach has gone on to be our top insurance salesman and employee of the year!"

[EndlessKng]

Dr. Doom: "It seems that Reed got stuck in the past and made it with your mother."
Sue Storm: "It seems that Reed got stuck in the past and made it with Victor's mother. He's your adoptive son."
Johnny Storm: "You were adopted. She's not really your sister."
The Skrull Race: "You are just an experiment by Reed Richards that got sent back in time."
Galactus: "It seems that Reed got stuck in the past..."

[Eliseu Gouveia]

Johnny Storm: "You were adopted. She's not really your sister."

Please.
That would just give Johnny the pretext he´s always prayed for to finally jump on Susan´s bones. :cool:

[tangentman]

*Avengers Tower* The Mighty Avengers enact an "At Will" clause to membership. Any member may leave if he or she feels like it. Conversely, Stark may "fire" an Avenger without giving a reason.

Tony Stark announces this change to the charter at the latest MA meeting. A sly glance is exchanged between Tony and Carol Danvers. With smirk firmly in place, Stark immediately turns to Robert Reynolds. "Sentry, you are relieved of Avengers membership, effective immediately. Please turn in your ID to Carol. We'll need you out of Avengers Tower by the end of the day....and take that gaudy, black atrocity you call home with you.

I'm sick of my building looking like a Latverian sex toy."

[Grazzt]

"Hello Mr. Richards. We used a time machine to check something, and we were surprised. You really did sabotage the machine Victor von Doom used to try to contact his mother, didn't you?"

[Lester C.]

Savant: Creote I'm ready to have sex...

Creote: Oh thank god. Do you know how long I've wai..

Savant:...with a woman. Do you know if Dinah if Oracle is seeing anybody?

Creote: Nu vse, tebe pizda:mad:

Savant: Did you forget I speak Russian?

Creote: Chyort voz'mi!:redface:

[Lester C.]

Not that I'll ever admit that Creote is gay or anything:wink:

[tangentman]

Not that I'll ever admit that Creote is gay or anything:wink:

Candid tabloid photos of Creote making out with Pied Piper are released throughout the DCU....destroying Lester's life. :evilsmile:

[Rik Levins]

Ah! Ah!
Rik, that was masterful.
To think I actualy thought it would be impossible to outdo the desecration of Gwen Stacy.... :biggrin:

Why, thank you.

...should have seen what I once did to the Harvey characters....:evilsmile:

[Eliseu Gouveia]

Why, thank you.

...should have seen what I once did to the Harvey characters....:evilsmile:

Do tell. :biggrin:

No, wait!....

Is it PG-13? :cool:

[Matt Doc Martin]

Since they made comics of Star Wars:


"Luke: Leia is your sister"

[Cam63]

I'd change it too Green Arrow : YOu have no spine, cheat on the woman you love, shun someone who just experenced tragic news, fake kill your loves daugther without telling her then your impersonator gets killed in bed by the woman who loves you who becomes arm candy.....

If he only used his dickitude for good and not evil.

[Cam63]

" I'm gonna like it here as CEO of DC, pukees ! "

[Matt Doc Martin]

" I'm gonna like it here as CEO of DC, pukees ! "

The winner is....you.

[Red Jack]

"Quickly, Lara, help me! We only have seconds. If we can link Kal's mind to the Brainiac simulation at least our baby will have the semblance of a full life. No. I didn't have time to program Kryptonian simulacra. I had to use the data from that planet I've been studying. Earth. He'll be happy. I promise. I love you, Lara. I lov--"


Data recovered from the fragment of a Kryptonian memory stone by Green Lantern Oric Zaal while patrolling the Rao Nebula and asteroid belt.

Additional distribution to all Guardians.

Query: relevance to Krona issue?
Query: What is real?

[Cam63]

The winner is....you.

You're welcome !

[Tobias March]

Dr. Phil meets the Joker....

[d newton]

The relaunches of Nightwing & Robin will be done by the following writers:
Nightwing - Bruce Jones & Devin Grayson.
Robin - Adam Beechen & Judd Winick.
*runs away from angry fans with pitchforks + torches*

[KJ_81]

''You can't read minds, Jean. You're cute and I was looking to score with you, so went along with it.''

[Cam63]

Martha Kent circa 33 years ago: " A green, glowing alien dingo took *mih bi-bay ! "









*A homage to Meryl Streep's attempt at a Kiwi/Aussie " ehk-cent. "

[Cam63]

Logan: " Weapon X, you say ? Well, I've already volunteered for the Peace Corps so sorry, ominous lookin' guy. "

[Pink Bat Maxine]

"Nightwing? Oh, he's at a signing of his tell-all autobiography."

[Cam63]

Dinah dumps Ollie and moves in with MacQuarrie.

[Lester C.]

Black Canary & Mia: Oliver we're having Hawkman's love children.

[CutterMike]

Young Bruce Wayne stands watching the police investigate his parents' murder in an alley beside a theater, all alone and forgotten -- except by Mr. Smith, the man from the Securities and Exchange Commission who had been waiting in front of the theater to talk to Thomas Wayne when he came out.

[Pink Bat Maxine]

Bruce Wayne's parents and Joe Chill: "psyche!"

[Rik Levins]

Is it PG-13? :cool:

Why, certainly...:evilsmile:

Do tell. :biggrin:

Oooookay....

Hot Stuff, the Li'l Devil, grows up to become a full-fledged demon, his mischievousness maturing into genuine evil. He seduces and corrupts Wendy the Good Li'l Witch (now grown into a hot teenage sorceress), turning her on to drugs, demonic sex, and death metal rock.
Wendy poisons her three aunts and steals their book of black magic. She entraps Casper and the other ghosts, sacrificing their souls to dark gods for evil power. Under her spells the Enchanted Forest, now twisted into a nightmarish pit of evil, begins to spread over the entire world.
After seducing the billionaire environmentalist Richard Rich, she has him clone Stumbo the Giant and sends an army of giants to stomp flat any village that dares resist her power.
Soon Wendy rules the world...until the day a tornado drops a house on her...

But that's another story.

[Eliseu Gouveia]

LOL
Thanks for the much needed massage on my childhood memories, Rik. :biggrin:

You should do Disney next. :tongue:

[LewisH]

Hey Bugs check out your new writers Garth Ennis and Warren Ellis. Now who's
despicable.

[Azrael52]

"Hey, Superboy Prime: Your Mama!"

[Cam63]

" Lois for fuck's sake, get yourself out of trouble for once. "

[Infra-Man]

Not a comic book character, but...

"Pig-Pen, you have ringworm."

[Cam63]

Bruce Wayne's parents and Joe Chill: "psyche!"

Oh, that was good.

[Lester C.]

I'm loving this thread.:smile:

[Flamebird]

Why, certainly...:evilsmile:



Oooookay....

Hot Stuff, the Li'l Devil, grows up to become a full-fledged demon, his mischievousness maturing into genuine evil. He seduces and corrupts Wendy the Good Li'l Witch (now grown into a hot teenage sorceress), turning her on to drugs, demonic sex, and death metal rock.
Wendy poisons her three aunts and steals their book of black magic. She entraps Casper and the other ghosts, sacrificing their souls to dark gods for evil power. Under her spells the Enchanted Forest, now twisted into a nightmarish pit of evil, begins to spread over the entire world.
After seducing the billionaire environmentalist Richard Rich, she has him clone Stumbo the Giant and sends an army of giants to stomp flat any village that dares resist her power.
Soon Wendy rules the world...until the day a tornado drops a house on her...

But that's another story.

Isn't that pretty much the story of "Magik" from the X-men?

[Azrael52]

I don't know if it would ruin his life, or not, but what if Abin Sur would've done Christopher Walkin's bit from Pulp Fiction with the ring in place of the pocket watch?

[Flying Saucers Over Oz]

"Scrooge McDuck died today of massive head trauma caused by years of throwing gold coins into the air and letting it hit him on the head...

His will, leaving his entire fortune to Beverly Switzer, has been contested by his nephew Donald Duck and his three wards..."

[Tobias March]

I don't know if it would ruin his life, or not, but what if Abin Sur would've done Christopher Walkin's bit from Pulp Fiction with the ring in place of the pocket watch?

Abin Sur: Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad's - Marty Jordan. We were in that Ysmault pit of hell together over five years. Hopefully...you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Dad were, stuck in a story by a demon worshipping hippy for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other fictional character. If it had been me who had not made it, Marty would be talkin' right now to my son Knot. But the way it turned out is I'm talkin' to you, Hal. I got somethin' for you.....

[Cam63]

I don't know if it would ruin his life, or not, but what if Abin Sur would've done Christopher Walkin's bit from Pulp Fiction with the ring in place of the pocket watch?

That would be gold.

[Tobias March]

That would be gold.

Well slightly brown I'd think.

[Cam63]

Well slightly brown I'd think.

Bronze ?...

[Azrael52]

Abin Sur: Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad's - Marty Jordan. We were in that Ysmault pit of hell together over five years. Hopefully...you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Dad were, stuck in a story by a demon worshipping hippy for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other fictional character. If it had been me who had not made it, Marty would be talkin' right now to my son Knot. But the way it turned out is I'm talkin' to you, Hal. I got somethin' for you.....

Tobias, you just made my entire year with that. Thanks!

[Azrael52]

1. Doctor: "Alf, I'm afraid that you have a feline allergy."


2. Clark on his wedding night, "Um, Lois, about that Man of Steel thing . . . you do know that's just something the papers cooked up, right?" 3...2...1..... "Lois, what're you doing with that phone book?" "I'm looking up the number for an annulment."


3. "Meet your new partner, Brainiac 5." "Hello, I'm Retardiac 7."

[Azrael52]

"Joker, I want you to take this crowbar and bash the kid's head in. I'm so tired of his crap. Besides, the masses have asked for it. Paid for it, even. I'll put up a display or something in the cave. Master Bruce'll love it . . . if not, well, I'll get you another crowbar."

[Infra-Man]

JSA: "The new creative team is Chuck Austen and Pat Lee."

[Azrael52]

Doctor: "I'm so sorry, Chemo, but I've got to give you what has to be the most ironic news of my career."