ULTIMATE VENOM
10-02-2008, 09:19 PM
I've been working on a story for Batman, a retelling, a few differences form the conventional BM story. So what do you think, something worth reading or just garbage?
Batman: Something to Fear [Chapter One]
Gotham city, a place of crime, crooked cops, and psycho paths. For many yeas the city has been in a crisis, a major crisis. The mafia is starting to spread their rain of crime more rapidly than anyone could have thought. The man responsible for the increased spread of crime is mob boss, Rupert Thorn. For the last three months he has successfully made drug deals, bank heist, and murders make the front page of Gotham Times. District Attorney, Harvey Dent is still hard at work putting together a plan that will wipe crime off the streets of the city but so far none of his takes on the situation have proved powerful enough to stand up against the mod. The people of the city, even the children see no hope for a better tomorrow. Even the boys in blue who haven't been corrupted have lost faith in a light that will shed through the seemingly never ending darkness that plagues the city. But maybe... maybe that's what the city needs, darkness. Some say fight fire with fire so why not darkness with darkness. Far away for the hell that is Gotham near in it woods is the house of the billionaire, Bruce Wayne. Though he holds a massive empire (Wayne Enterprises), and is loved by the citizens of Gotham, he too has also seen the cruel and heartless actions of Gotham's criminals. As a young boy he lost his parents to a street thug, a common, faceless thug. In cold blood his parents where shot, the murder of his parents awakened something in Bruce. Something powerful, a weapon, not one that can be fired or launched. This weapon was fear, for the next 10 years Bruce would sharpen his himself to become the best he could become. He wasn't at the top of human perfection, but he was close to all he could become.
"Alfred, cancel my appointment with Mr. Freeze. I have something more important that needs to be done right now." Bruce had just finished an intense workout in his private gym. After grabbing a towel and dabbing on his face for a few minutes his exits the gym through double doors which lead to a balcony, giving a magnificent view of the forest. "So beautiful." Bruce said in a laid back type of voice. He walked back into the gym and met up with Alfred his butler, and long time friend. "Sir, you appointment with Mr. Freeze has been canceled as requested but I must say he is growing impatient of waiting for you to see his new brake through in cryogenics." Alfred handed Bruce a glass of ice cold water, along with the newspaper. Bruce took a sip of the refreshing water while he scanned the paper. For a long time he stared violently at the front page news that read: Another Cop Found Dead. Bruce clenched the paper in his fist, but it wasn't enough anger let out for him. He then through his glass of water with great fury against the gym wall. "Sir... if I may ask--you always say you’re going to do something about it. When will you?" Alfred asked politely as possible, while going towards the gym's storage closet for cleaning supplies. Bruce turned around and stormed out of the gym with the paper still held by his mighty grip. "Tonight." Every muscle in Bruce's body was tight; he wanted to go on a rampage making all who have done wrong pay for their crimes. Tonight that would happen, tonight would be the biggest event to hit Gotham in a long time.
In down town Gotham, the streets filled with trash, homeless in wet and dirty allies, and thugs on each corner a long black limo turned the corner and pulled up to a bar called THORN in big red flashing letters. A few minutes later in the bar entered the owner himself, Rupert Thorn. He wore a black tuxedo, a cigar hanging out of his moth, and a black cane with a diamond handle. Behind him two large men in suite both wearing black shades. Thorn and his guards proceeded to the back of the bar. Sitting in the back of the bar was a very, very large man with harry arms. His tank top had bullet hole and knife cuts everywhere and his face was cover by a black ski mask only showing his eyes and mouth. "Hello, Mr...?" Thorn sat down awaiting the man to give his name. "Bane." The large man (Bane) pulled a beer from the edge of the table and took a drink. "So Bane, I hear you are good at keepin' people quiet. I need a guy of you talent, someone who can make talkers quiet." Thorn snapped his fingers at one of his guards, quick as lightning the guard placed a briefcase of the table and opened it. Inside where multiple 100 dollar bills wrapped larger rubber bands. "Consider this a down payment." Thorn got up from the table. His face had a sinister look but then again that was his usual look. "What’s the name?" Bane closed the brief case as he stood up. He took out a small paper pad and pencil from his tattered jean pocket. "As you know that damned District Attorney, Harvey Dent has been coming up with some new plans; plans that put next weeks drug operation in jeopardy. And you know without this pacific drug... you wouldn't have the muscle you have." Thorn left the bar with his men following.
Outside high above a building Bruce was watching Thorn as he got into his limo. The limo drove off, Bruce still stood on the roof with rage in his eyes. "Thorn." Later that night in Bruce's gym he had just finished destroying a punching bag. After one final punch he removed his gloves, he then walked over to a storage closet on the other side of the room. He quietly opened the doors of the closet. Inside was armor, not regular armor though. It was spray painted black, on the chest of the armor was a black bat with its wings wide open. On another shelf close to the armor was a mask with pointy ears, almost as if it where based off a bat. Next to the mask was a gold belt with over a dozen pockets. Bruce took the armor out of the closet and tightly applied each piece of armor. He took the gold belt and secured it tightly around his waist. The final this that needed to be put on was the mask. Unlike the armor and the belt, Bruce gave a moment before he place the mask on. "Tonight I will do something, I will strike fear into those who do wrong, I will become a sign of justice who no longer see it, and I will become Knight to this city. Tonight I will become, Batman." Bruce repeated this in his head as he placed the mask on his face, with his new identity created... there was a ray of hope shinning upon Gotham.
Batman: Something to Fear [Chapter One]
Gotham city, a place of crime, crooked cops, and psycho paths. For many yeas the city has been in a crisis, a major crisis. The mafia is starting to spread their rain of crime more rapidly than anyone could have thought. The man responsible for the increased spread of crime is mob boss, Rupert Thorn. For the last three months he has successfully made drug deals, bank heist, and murders make the front page of Gotham Times. District Attorney, Harvey Dent is still hard at work putting together a plan that will wipe crime off the streets of the city but so far none of his takes on the situation have proved powerful enough to stand up against the mod. The people of the city, even the children see no hope for a better tomorrow. Even the boys in blue who haven't been corrupted have lost faith in a light that will shed through the seemingly never ending darkness that plagues the city. But maybe... maybe that's what the city needs, darkness. Some say fight fire with fire so why not darkness with darkness. Far away for the hell that is Gotham near in it woods is the house of the billionaire, Bruce Wayne. Though he holds a massive empire (Wayne Enterprises), and is loved by the citizens of Gotham, he too has also seen the cruel and heartless actions of Gotham's criminals. As a young boy he lost his parents to a street thug, a common, faceless thug. In cold blood his parents where shot, the murder of his parents awakened something in Bruce. Something powerful, a weapon, not one that can be fired or launched. This weapon was fear, for the next 10 years Bruce would sharpen his himself to become the best he could become. He wasn't at the top of human perfection, but he was close to all he could become.
"Alfred, cancel my appointment with Mr. Freeze. I have something more important that needs to be done right now." Bruce had just finished an intense workout in his private gym. After grabbing a towel and dabbing on his face for a few minutes his exits the gym through double doors which lead to a balcony, giving a magnificent view of the forest. "So beautiful." Bruce said in a laid back type of voice. He walked back into the gym and met up with Alfred his butler, and long time friend. "Sir, you appointment with Mr. Freeze has been canceled as requested but I must say he is growing impatient of waiting for you to see his new brake through in cryogenics." Alfred handed Bruce a glass of ice cold water, along with the newspaper. Bruce took a sip of the refreshing water while he scanned the paper. For a long time he stared violently at the front page news that read: Another Cop Found Dead. Bruce clenched the paper in his fist, but it wasn't enough anger let out for him. He then through his glass of water with great fury against the gym wall. "Sir... if I may ask--you always say you’re going to do something about it. When will you?" Alfred asked politely as possible, while going towards the gym's storage closet for cleaning supplies. Bruce turned around and stormed out of the gym with the paper still held by his mighty grip. "Tonight." Every muscle in Bruce's body was tight; he wanted to go on a rampage making all who have done wrong pay for their crimes. Tonight that would happen, tonight would be the biggest event to hit Gotham in a long time.
In down town Gotham, the streets filled with trash, homeless in wet and dirty allies, and thugs on each corner a long black limo turned the corner and pulled up to a bar called THORN in big red flashing letters. A few minutes later in the bar entered the owner himself, Rupert Thorn. He wore a black tuxedo, a cigar hanging out of his moth, and a black cane with a diamond handle. Behind him two large men in suite both wearing black shades. Thorn and his guards proceeded to the back of the bar. Sitting in the back of the bar was a very, very large man with harry arms. His tank top had bullet hole and knife cuts everywhere and his face was cover by a black ski mask only showing his eyes and mouth. "Hello, Mr...?" Thorn sat down awaiting the man to give his name. "Bane." The large man (Bane) pulled a beer from the edge of the table and took a drink. "So Bane, I hear you are good at keepin' people quiet. I need a guy of you talent, someone who can make talkers quiet." Thorn snapped his fingers at one of his guards, quick as lightning the guard placed a briefcase of the table and opened it. Inside where multiple 100 dollar bills wrapped larger rubber bands. "Consider this a down payment." Thorn got up from the table. His face had a sinister look but then again that was his usual look. "What’s the name?" Bane closed the brief case as he stood up. He took out a small paper pad and pencil from his tattered jean pocket. "As you know that damned District Attorney, Harvey Dent has been coming up with some new plans; plans that put next weeks drug operation in jeopardy. And you know without this pacific drug... you wouldn't have the muscle you have." Thorn left the bar with his men following.
Outside high above a building Bruce was watching Thorn as he got into his limo. The limo drove off, Bruce still stood on the roof with rage in his eyes. "Thorn." Later that night in Bruce's gym he had just finished destroying a punching bag. After one final punch he removed his gloves, he then walked over to a storage closet on the other side of the room. He quietly opened the doors of the closet. Inside was armor, not regular armor though. It was spray painted black, on the chest of the armor was a black bat with its wings wide open. On another shelf close to the armor was a mask with pointy ears, almost as if it where based off a bat. Next to the mask was a gold belt with over a dozen pockets. Bruce took the armor out of the closet and tightly applied each piece of armor. He took the gold belt and secured it tightly around his waist. The final this that needed to be put on was the mask. Unlike the armor and the belt, Bruce gave a moment before he place the mask on. "Tonight I will do something, I will strike fear into those who do wrong, I will become a sign of justice who no longer see it, and I will become Knight to this city. Tonight I will become, Batman." Bruce repeated this in his head as he placed the mask on his face, with his new identity created... there was a ray of hope shinning upon Gotham.