Typo Lad
09-19-2008, 07:54 AM
I just glanced at my calendar and caught the date. Wow, has it been a year already?
Rosh Hashanah, the "Jewish New Year" starts on September 29th, just ten days from now. It's an interesting fact that the actual Jewish calendar starts in the month of Nissan, which isn't for several months. Rosh Hashanah is more of a spiritual new year than a time keeping one.
Among other things, Rosh Hashanah is the start of the Aseret Y'mai T'Shuvah, or Ten Days of Penance. My faith teaches that this is the period when G-d judges His creation's actions in the previous years. One could say that on Rosh Hashanah we are judged, then we have ten days to mount an appeal, and it is on Yom Kippur that we are sentenced.
It is customary to take stock of our year, see if there is anyone we've wronged, and ask forgiveness. I usually post a very general "I hope I haven't offended anyone" post, and it usually goes with minimal comment and life goes on.
Well, this year's post is going to be a bit different. Mainly because this year was different.
As some of you know, I had some rough moments offline that almost resulted in the dissolution of my marriage. During that time, I had a lot of anger, and it became misplaced. I became an asshole on CBR. I dreamed up an April Fool's prank that was not only not funny, but contained some cruel aspects. Had I been thinking more rationally, I would not have done this and I'm sorry for that aspect. In addition, it spun out of control and with it, my behavior. I was mind-bogglingly cruel to someone, using past interactions and something that happened in private as an excuse to go nuclear on him. As if this wasn't enough, I also refused to retract my statement at first and kept digging and digging.
The other party involved did eventually forgive me (although I suspect we won't be going for tea anytime soon, but I'll take what I can get) and other parties involved have mentioned they forgive me, which I am grateful for.
I want to apologize to the Comm board at large, for making an ass of myself and a punching bag of some of you. It wasn't fair. None of you had anything to do with what was going down in my life, and instead of using you guys as a sounding board (as many offered), I used you as a punching bag. I'm sorry. I want to apologize to the YaBsies for bringing the drama over from Comm, for no reason other than that I was being an asshole. Seriously. No excuse for that one. It was just an asshole thing to do.
I also want to mention another two, non CBR things that are different this year, if you'll bear with me.
After my online meltdown and my subsequent examination of my behavior, I reached out to my brother, who I used to refer to here as my ex-brother. I sent him a two page long e-mail about our issues and why I felt it necessary to limit my interaction with him. While he did not respond directly, we have since been communicating and have both been to each other's new house. It's a positive thing.
On a more negative note, it's also the first year I'll be asking G-d's forgiveness while being unable to grant any of my own. The third party who attempted to insert himself into my marriage (well, into my wife, anyway) is still out there, and I just can't forgive him for what he did to me and for what he did to her. I've forgiven her for her part in it, and maybe that makes me a sucker. The fact is, I read the e-mails he sent her. He was the one who initiated the contact. He was the one who kept bringing up sexual matters, even though she asked him to stop. When she caved to one thing, he was the one who kept trying to take things further and further.
Ideally, you're supposed to be able to forgive anyone. I don't see how anyone is supposed to forgive someone like that for the things he did. I think it makes me less than perfect, but that just makes me human.
So to sum up, I ask forgiveness of you, the Com and YaBs posters, for using you as a punching bag. I ask forgiveness to the friends of the person I wronged, because while he did forgive me, I never said I was sorry for treating your friend so shabbily. Finally, I publicly ask forgiveness of G-d, for being unable to turn aside the anger I have towards one person.
May we all be inscribed in the Book of Life for a healthy and a happy New Year.
Rosh Hashanah, the "Jewish New Year" starts on September 29th, just ten days from now. It's an interesting fact that the actual Jewish calendar starts in the month of Nissan, which isn't for several months. Rosh Hashanah is more of a spiritual new year than a time keeping one.
Among other things, Rosh Hashanah is the start of the Aseret Y'mai T'Shuvah, or Ten Days of Penance. My faith teaches that this is the period when G-d judges His creation's actions in the previous years. One could say that on Rosh Hashanah we are judged, then we have ten days to mount an appeal, and it is on Yom Kippur that we are sentenced.
It is customary to take stock of our year, see if there is anyone we've wronged, and ask forgiveness. I usually post a very general "I hope I haven't offended anyone" post, and it usually goes with minimal comment and life goes on.
Well, this year's post is going to be a bit different. Mainly because this year was different.
As some of you know, I had some rough moments offline that almost resulted in the dissolution of my marriage. During that time, I had a lot of anger, and it became misplaced. I became an asshole on CBR. I dreamed up an April Fool's prank that was not only not funny, but contained some cruel aspects. Had I been thinking more rationally, I would not have done this and I'm sorry for that aspect. In addition, it spun out of control and with it, my behavior. I was mind-bogglingly cruel to someone, using past interactions and something that happened in private as an excuse to go nuclear on him. As if this wasn't enough, I also refused to retract my statement at first and kept digging and digging.
The other party involved did eventually forgive me (although I suspect we won't be going for tea anytime soon, but I'll take what I can get) and other parties involved have mentioned they forgive me, which I am grateful for.
I want to apologize to the Comm board at large, for making an ass of myself and a punching bag of some of you. It wasn't fair. None of you had anything to do with what was going down in my life, and instead of using you guys as a sounding board (as many offered), I used you as a punching bag. I'm sorry. I want to apologize to the YaBsies for bringing the drama over from Comm, for no reason other than that I was being an asshole. Seriously. No excuse for that one. It was just an asshole thing to do.
I also want to mention another two, non CBR things that are different this year, if you'll bear with me.
After my online meltdown and my subsequent examination of my behavior, I reached out to my brother, who I used to refer to here as my ex-brother. I sent him a two page long e-mail about our issues and why I felt it necessary to limit my interaction with him. While he did not respond directly, we have since been communicating and have both been to each other's new house. It's a positive thing.
On a more negative note, it's also the first year I'll be asking G-d's forgiveness while being unable to grant any of my own. The third party who attempted to insert himself into my marriage (well, into my wife, anyway) is still out there, and I just can't forgive him for what he did to me and for what he did to her. I've forgiven her for her part in it, and maybe that makes me a sucker. The fact is, I read the e-mails he sent her. He was the one who initiated the contact. He was the one who kept bringing up sexual matters, even though she asked him to stop. When she caved to one thing, he was the one who kept trying to take things further and further.
Ideally, you're supposed to be able to forgive anyone. I don't see how anyone is supposed to forgive someone like that for the things he did. I think it makes me less than perfect, but that just makes me human.
So to sum up, I ask forgiveness of you, the Com and YaBs posters, for using you as a punching bag. I ask forgiveness to the friends of the person I wronged, because while he did forgive me, I never said I was sorry for treating your friend so shabbily. Finally, I publicly ask forgiveness of G-d, for being unable to turn aside the anger I have towards one person.
May we all be inscribed in the Book of Life for a healthy and a happy New Year.