What would your evil lair be like?

[Tyr]

So I'm reading the beginning of Secret Six #1. I have to say, Gail, nice touch, not the kind of front you would except to see from an evil mastermind, closest I’ve seen to that was the Gay dance club from the movie Eraser.

Anyway I’m thinking “A gay strip club? So does that mean Bert is the evil mastermind? That got me thinking “If this was Bert's idea of a lair, what would mine be like? What Would Mac’s be like? What would Maxies be like? What would Sabrinasets be like? Do I really want to know what Sabrinaset’s would be like? :tongue: ”

So here’s the game, you’re a villain, now picture your lair, where would that lair be? What would it look like? What would your minions be like? Would you have a Dr. Evilesque type of lair with lava and a monorail, would it be a evil castle with undead minions. Or would it be something a little more subtle, a Soprano style setup with a front, what would that front be like?

Normally I would go first like I do with most of my threads but I want to take a while longer to come up with my evil lair, so I’ll let some of you others go first.

Take it away others! :biggrin:

[DungeonmasterJim]

Mine would be a huga castle on a mountain. It would have an artificial intellegent monster 4x4 like the BigFoot truck with a glowing yellow windshield that would hunt down and run over anyone that entered the wrought iron fenced grounds.

Of course, there would be crypts and catacombs and most of all - a DUNGEON!!!!!

In the highest tower would be an observatory equipped with the Deathray 2000.

The staff would be a Playboy centerfold army skilled in modern melee & distance weapons. None of my crew would fight with medevil weapons except for maybe rapiers. And they would be dressed inunicolors like all black or all red. Spiked heels and studs would be mandatory. :evilsmile:

And there would be a resident mad scientist complete with a fully functionable lab.


Geez, I think I'm off to stick this place in one of my comics!

DM Jim

[Flying Saucers Over Oz]

I think I'd just rip off Doctor Phibes' place. Art Deco decor, lotsa music, robots, a mesmerized servant who dances and hands me flowers, and an organ that rises and descends on command.

[Spiffy]

Nobody would EVER expect an evil lair to be hidden behind a Chuck E. Cheese, right?

Minions must be non-union, 'cause those unions are even more evil than I am. Overtime is straight compensation, none of this "time and a half" or "doubletime" crapola. Minion who is constantly willing to keep my drink fresh gets a vacation day. Not an "extra" vacation day, because otherwise he or she wouldn't have ANY, but A day.

Goal of the organization? Not world domination, certainly. That's too much work. I think dominating a single town might be enough, or maybe just a condo complex.

Perks of being part of the organization? Simple. We won't kill you. At least today.

[Tobias March]

I really enjoyed the idea of Dr. Horrible being a frustrated idealist disillusioned with the world. So my lair would serve as a reminder of all the things I hate.

First off I'd like to hide in plain sigh. Dead centre in the middle of bustling metropolis. My front would be a knick-knack shop no one ever goes into, one of those stores with this thick smell of musk and filled with old trinkets. The secret entrance would be located behind a dummy store-room of course.

Inside would a giant clock ticking backwards and stolen artworks that never were recognized by consensus. A framed portrait of Gavrilo Princip would be the centre-piece, as well as a collage of images from the 'resource wars', of the 20c to stoke my villainous rage. All wooden furnishings, varnished oak - this place would be Billy Bob Thornton's worst nightmare.

And of course - a glass case containing a stuffed Frank Miller.

[Buzz Dixon]

http://www.monorails.org/webpix%202/FilmBond03.jpg
They never get better than this...

[Sarah Beach]

My evil lair, eh?

I'd want a multi-million dollar house in the Hollywood Hills with a great view of the city, and a large swimming pool with an infinity edge, so I could swim and enjoy the view at the same time. I'd have a housekeeper who took care of all the mundane things, and screened all the visitors. I'd have a posh study/library with really cushy furniture, and glossy wood shelving.

The place would be spic & span, great for entertaining. Very seductive in its beauty.





What do you mean, it sounds like my dream home? Sure it does! Can't my Evil Lair be as wonderful as my Dream Home? :tongue:

[Grazzt]

Location: The catacombs of Paris. Miles of unmapped tunnels. Bones provide proper ambience. And if people disappear down there, no one is surprised.

Henches: Standard, except that the men have the skimpy uniforms and the women get the functional ones.

Weaponry: Laser rifles and EMP grenades will be standard issue. All electronics in the base will be EMP shielded, to prevent damage by friendly fire.

Other technology: Entrances will be covered with holograms of tunnel walls. A number of false entrances will exist, solely to hide tunnels full of traps (spinning blades, pits, spurts of acid, etc.) These false entrances will also be disguised with holograms, so that someone who knows to look for the holograms will fall to the traps.

Decor: All technology will be Kirby tech. Beyond that (and the skimpy outfit for the men), functionality over form is the order of the day. Living quarters for henches will be Spartan. Food in the cafeteria will be nutritious, but not overly exciting. My own quarters will be a simple single room with an incredibly powerful computer in it for my own personal use (this computer may or may not be intelligent and my second in command).

[DrewEdwards]

I think I'd just rip off Doctor Phibes' place. Art Deco decor, lotsa music, robots, a mesmerized servant who dances and hands me flowers, and an organ that rises and descends on command.


I like the way you think.

[Tyr]

What do you mean, it sounds like my dream home? Sure it does! Can't my Evil Lair be as wonderful as my Dream Home? :tongue:

I'm afraid not, your lair isn't evil enough, so you don't get to play here anymore, go play somewhere else. :tongue:

Ok I got mine down. Now you’re all probably thinking that mine would have Vikings in it. Well it would be close I thought about doing a mead hall with valkyrie strippers, but quite frankly its not very original or evil enough.

So I came up with something better.

My lair would have a front, but not just any run of the mill front. My front would be one of those Camelot joust and banquet places, you know like the one in Vegas, (though I’ve seen one in Montana) As for my inner sanctum, it would keep with the medieval décor, except for shelves for of RPG manuals, and a batmanesque computer, perfect for keeping track of my evil empire, though I’d probably use it to play Bioshock or something.

My henchmen would all dress in reinfaire attire. Though to make things interesting I would have some orcs, robot orcs and a few robot minotaurs.

Oh and I would have a special room set up for those who had crossed me. It would be a small dungeon like room all gloomy and with no windows. In the center would be a arcade cabinet with Soul Calibur whatever the latest version is.

The deal, if the offending party can beat me in a game of Soul Calibur they get to live. Of course being I’m evil I’m also a sore loser, so if they do manage to beat me, I’ll keep my word but I’ll make sure that they can never be able to do so again. :evilsmile:

Now granted that would get old after awhile so I’ll have to come with other ways to punish offending parties, like throw them to my robot minotaurs to fight, or worse, make them play a game of D&D.

Oh and my evil villain name would be the Game Master.

[Michael P]

The White House.

[DrewEdwards]

The White House.



Good idea, too bad there is already a villain living there.

[Sarah Beach]

From Me --
What do you mean, it sounds like my dream home? Sure it does! Can't my Evil Lair be as wonderful as my Dream Home?

I'm afraid not, your lair isn't evil enough, so you don't get to play here anymore, go play somewhere else. :tongue:


Meanie!

Okay then! My Evil Lair will be a poshly tricked out 777, and I'll have clearances to fly anywhere I wish at any time, with unlimited supplies of fuel at my beck and call.

My henchlings will all be very fit, intelligent, literate, good looking guys who don't mind being eye-candy, but who are actually quite adept at martial arts, ready to kill anyone at my slightest word.

However, my Right Hand Henchperson will be a carefully chosen woman operative, who is totally aboard for my program of evil of control -- because I let her indulge her own vindictive streak.

Is that better? :wink:

[adam_warlock_2099]

I would want mine to look like Dracula's castle in Bram Stoker's Dracula complete with Monica Bellucci vampire bride.

[joe27]

mine would be like the technodrome in the ninja turtles cartoon, but with a discotheque, bathhouse & mock truck stop. and i'd change the channel on the portal, so that hot guys would constantly be coming through instead of rock soldiers, neutrinos and other dimension x types.

[Cam63]

Australian pub with trapdoors over pits of starved funnelwebs.

[adam_warlock_2099]

Australian pub with trapdoors over pits of starved funnelwebs.

That made my pull my feet up into my chair. Damned spiders!

[Tyr]

I would want mine to look like Dracula's castle in Bram Stoker's Dracula complete with Monica Bellucci vampire bride.

Yeah I could go for one of those too, though she wouldn't have to be a vampire. :biggrin:

[rummblestrips]

A giant spa-like room with steam baths and chocolates from around the world, guarded by a deadly clone army of these.

http://fuzzyface.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/1180121768_johnny_depp.jpg

sniff..
I ..wish I was there now...

[Tobias March]

So....we all wanna be villains then?

[Flamebird]

Australian pub with trapdoors over pits of starved funnelwebs.

But then, where would you go after work? :wink:

[Cam63]

Probably the pub.

[Lester C.]

nothing but videogames, but it's be real. In other words when I'm controling a person killing thousands of people with his bear hands, somewhere in the globe that carnage will be taking place in real time.

[Cam63]

Lester, I believe you'd make one scary Bond villain.

[Lester C.]

Lester, I believe you'd make one scary Bond villain.

Every video game banned in Australia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_banned_video_games) would take place in Australia by all my minions playing the game outside of Australia. After we get WhiteRose out of country of couse.

[Mermaid]

Every video game banned in Australia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_banned_video_games) would take place in Australia by all my minions playing the game outside of Australia. After we get WhiteRose out of country of couse.

yerrwat now? :confused:

[Mermaid]

A giant spa-like room with steam baths and chocolates from around the world, guarded by a deadly clone army of these.

http://fuzzyface.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/1180121768_johnny_depp.jpg

sniff..
I ..wish I was there now...

personally I think we should all be putting in to buy the guy a new shirt Put me down for 10$

[Infra-Man]

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/9775/24971751938888211483ah8.jpg

[adam_warlock_2099]

Yeah I could go for one of those too, though she wouldn't have to be a vampire. :biggrin:

Well no she wouldn't have to be, as long as she would still bite. :wink:

[Rik Levins]

A hollowed-out asteroid in geosynchronous orbit over Brazil. It would have a miniature nuclear "sun" at the center, and be a Pellucidar-like inside-out world filled with cloned dinosaurs and lush tropical jungles, and of course tribes of genetically-engineered primitive humans who worship me as a god and serve my every whim. And are EXTREMELY hostile to intruders. The men would look like Neanderthals and be superhumanly strong, the women would be uniformly beautiful. (And not at all Neanderthal-looking...)
My lair would be a massive castle carved from the living rock of the crust, and naturally equipped with emergency escape tunnels leading to spaceships in which I could flee if the forces of good ever penetrate that far.

Outside, my asteroid base would be one of dozens orbiting the Earth, with no way to determine which is my lair. Of course, I would have sophisticated anti-missile defenses located on many of the asteroids, and since I'm sitting at the top of the gravity well, I'd have a tremendous advantage in picking off any foolhardy attempt at assassination by the nations of my subjugated planet. In addition, many of the uninhabited rocks would be equipped with nuclear rockets, and at the touch of a remote-control button I could send any of them plummeting down to deliver a kinetic strike on the city of my choice. Some of the larger asteroids would be massive enough to ensure a Global Extinction Event if my commands are not obeyed.

And naturally, I would study the Evil Overlord's Checklist religiously.

[Shisho]

Mine would look like an Apple store without all the people. Clean, white, gadgety, hi-tech. It would be stocked with Red Bull at all times.

Also, hot guys in chains.

[JohnPopa]

I think I'd go with the underwater lair, surrounded by man-eating sharks and other sea monsters, that I would invent as I would be a mad scientist type evildoer, despite not being good at math.

That way anyone who attacked me would get The Bends. Take THAT, do-gooders!

[scout1279]

Oh, just your basic palacial estate located in my very own country. I don't care which country, as long as I can rule it with an iron fist (but not Iron Fist, because he's one of those pesky superheroes). There would be robots to serve me and I'd have pet monkeys.

I'd also have a moon base for vacations and strategic retreats.

[Grazzt]

So....we all wanna be villains then?

Only if we get really cool evil lairs. I'd be a superhero instead if it guarantees me a real cool headquarters.

[Tyr]

nothing but videogames, but it's be real. In other words when I'm controling a person killing thousands of people with his bear hands, somewhere in the globe that carnage will be taking place in real time.

Right, first order of business, eliminate Lester, as far as game masters go, there can be only one. :evilsmile:

[Shisho]

Right, first order of business, eliminate Lester, as far as game masters go, there can be only one. :evilsmile:

In that case, it's Game Mistress. Oh yes, I'd school you both. Hands down.

It's on, boys. :evilsmile:

[blackcanary_416]

My lair would be an underwater base. Because I think looking at fish and other things would be relaxing when I'm not doing dastardly deeds. I would have lots of computers and my sidekick because I can't function without them. Then I would have a pendulum and a table (hey I have to have something old school). Oh and for the people that dare enter my lair, a Amy Winehouse/Courtney Love/Carrot Top hybrid.

[section 8]

Also, hot guys in chains.

sorry i'm busy this weekend

[Tyr]

My lair would be an underwater base. Because I think looking at fish and other things would be relaxing when I'm not doing dastardly deeds. I would have lots of computers and my sidekick because I can't function without them. Then I would have a pendulum and a table (hey I have to have something old school). Oh and for the people that dare enter my lair, a Amy Winehouse/Courtney Love/Carrot Top hybrid.

So would it be a submerged base that can surface ala the Spy Who Loved Me?

[blackcanary_416]

So would it be a submerged base that can surface ala the Spy Who Loved Me?

Yes but only for emergencies.

[Flying Saucers Over Oz]

nothing but videogames, but it's be real. In other words when I'm controling a person killing thousands of people with his bear hands, somewhere in the globe that carnage will be taking place in real time.

Of course Lester is scary! His minions have bear hands!

[mgs]

it would be placed in a hot, humid, sweaty swamp, like the Legion of Doom was on Superfriends (but it would not be encased in protective metal!) or the Dreadnoks swamp hideout on GI Joe! It would be dark, dank, so humid you can't stop sweating, and constantly infested with biting bugs of all types! (Of course, my exoskeleton would keep me from being biten and cool and comfy).

My minions would be giant, rotting, undead catfish and slugs the size of men! Who shot you with acidguns! My personal bodyguard would be a huge, ancient red dragon and my 'woman' would be a lich!

[The Ray]

My evil lair'll be your mom's house


Hah! Burn.

[Buzz Dixon]

LIVE THE DREAM!
http://www.silohome.com/index.htm

[stealthwise]

Mine would look like an old-school diner.

You know, the one from the "24 Hours" issue of The Sandman.

[Tyr]

LIVE THE DREAM!
http://www.silohome.com/index.htm

Ok, I want one of those, one quesiton though, can it double as a fallout shelter?

[K-DoG7p7]

I would probebly have my lair on the move all the time.. like on a huge yacht
Like thisone (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0f/Yacht_Dubai_on_8_May_2008.jpg)

Flanked at all times by a ship http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1240/835516068_ddac93c5ee.jpg?v=0 filled with eggheads and alot of crazy gadgets

Security would be provided by 2 of these (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f4/Ussamericalha6.jpg)amphibious assault ships with Air capability.
and a couple of subs below for extra protection..

the minions would all be hot chicks in bikinis.. and we would stick to the artic..


because I'm EVIL!

[K-DoG7p7]

I would probebly have my lair on the move all the time.. like on a huge yacht
Like thisone (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0f/Yacht_Dubai_on_8_May_2008.jpg)

Flanked at all times by a ship http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1240/835516068_ddac93c5ee.jpg?v=0 filled with eggheads and alot of crazy gadgets

Security would be provided by 2 of these (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f4/Ussamericalha6.jpg)amphibious assault ships with Air capability.
and a couple of subs below for extra protection..

the minions would all be hot chicks in bikinis.. and we would stick to the artic..


because I'm EVIL!

[K-DoG7p7]

I would probebly have my lair on the move all the time.. like on a huge yacht
Like thisone (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0f/Yacht_Dubai_on_8_May_2008.jpg)

Flanked at all times by a ship http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1240/835516068_ddac93c5ee.jpg?v=0 filled with eggheads and alot of crazy gadgets

Security would be provided by 2 of these (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f4/Ussamericalha6.jpg)amphibious assault ships with Air capability.
and a couple of subs below for extra protection..

the minions would all be hot chicks in bikinis.. and we would stick to the artic..


because I'm EVIL!

[K-DoG7p7]

I would probebly have my lair on the move all the time.. like on a huge yacht
Like thisone (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0f/Yacht_Dubai_on_8_May_2008.jpg)

Flanked at all times by a ship http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1240/835516068_ddac93c5ee.jpg?v=0 filled with eggheads and alot of crazy gadgets

Security would be provided by 2 of these (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f4/Ussamericalha6.jpg)amphibious assault ships with Air capability.
and a couple of subs below for extra protection..

the minions would all be hot chicks in bikinis.. and we would stick to the artic..


because I'm EVIL!

[K-DoG7p7]

I would probebly have my lair on the move all the time.. like on a huge yacht
Like thisone (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0f/Yacht_Dubai_on_8_May_2008.jpg)

Flanked at all times by a ship http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1240/835516068_ddac93c5ee.jpg?v=0 filled with eggheads and alot of crazy gadgets

Security would be provided by 2 of these (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f4/Ussamericalha6.jpg)amphibious assault ships with Air capability.
and a couple of subs below for extra protection..

the minions would all be hot chicks in bikinis.. and we would stick to the artic..


because I'm EVIL!

[K-DoG7p7]

I would probebly have my lair on the move all the time.. like on a huge yacht
Like thisone (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0f/Yacht_Dubai_on_8_May_2008.jpg)

Flanked at all times by a ship http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1240/835516068_ddac93c5ee.jpg?v=0 filled with eggheads and alot of crazy gadgets

Security would be provided by 2 of these (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f4/Ussamericalha6.jpg)amphibious assault ships with Air capability.
and a couple of subs below for extra protection..

the minions would all be hot chicks in bikinis.. and we would stick to the artic..


because I'm EVIL!

[Tyr]

Bump, cause K-dog can't have all the fun. :biggrin: