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View Full Version : Sequential Art Challenge #7: An Urban Fairy - LewMoxinsghost wins!


mattbib
09-09-2008, 04:37 PM
Here's the concept:
Posters were asked to write a three page script utilizing some character, team, or plot device decided upon by the winner of the previous Sequential Art Challenge. Writers had approximately two weeks to submit their scripts.

The seventh theme, suggested by Viktor Bogdanovic, winner of Sequential Art Challenge #6, was "An Urban Fairy Tale?". How this was interpreted was entirely up to each writer.

Now, using the winning script, found below, artists will submit their sequentials and, after a couple weeks, they'll be voted on as well.

There are no rules other than following the theme and meeting the deadline. There are no prizes, so those of you just wanting to have fun shouldn't be discouraged from participating, even if you are unsure of your talent.

For this second round, sequentials will be Due on Tuesday, September 23 by Midnight EDT.

So have fun!

QUEEN OF THE HOBOS
By Jim Purcell

CHARACTERS(in order of appearance)
HOBO - A homeless man who holds a magical secret as King of the Hobos.
ASHLEY - A young charitable girl who gets separated from her selfish mother on a crowded city street.
ASHLEY'S MOTHER - A stylish mother in her mid twenties, selfish and rude.
GANGBANGERS - A pair of street ruffians up to no good.


PAGE 1

PANEL 1: EST. EXT. A busy city street. The Hobo is sitting on the sidewalk, his back against a wall. He's hunched over, his face in shadow, not paying attention to the crowd of passer's by. He has a tin can setting in front of him that he uses to collect change from passersby. Ashley is standing in front of the Hobo looking down at him and his can.

PANEL 2: Ashley has out stretch her hand and released a number of coins and bills to fall into the can.

PANEL 3: Ashley reacts to her mother shouting at her from off panel.

MOTHER: ASHLEY! What are you doing!

PANEL 4: Ashley's Mother has grabbed Ashley by the hand is yanking her forcefully away from the Hobo.

MOTHER: I can't turn my back on you for a second. Throwing all your money away to that filthy old man...

PANEL 5: In the foreground the Hobo has reached out one finger on one hand to drag his donation can toward himself. Receding in the distance down the sidewalk Ashley and her mother are disappearing into the crowd. The mother is still yanking Ashley along, Ashley is struggling against her mother's grip.

MOTHER: Ashley! Ow! Stop pulling!


PAGE 2

PANEL 1: Ashley has yanked her hand free of her mother.

PANEL 2: Ashley is running away from her mother on the crowded sidewalk, the Mother is shouting in anger. Ashley is sticking her tongue out at her mother as she runs.

MOTHER: Ashley! Get back here right now!

PANEL 3: Ext. Est. A dark dirty alley. Ashley has ducked into the alley to escape her mother. She's not paying attention to where she is going, instead she is looking behind her, keeping an eye out for her mother.

PANEL 4: Ashley runs headlong into a gangbanger and his cohort.

GANGBANGER: Hey! Watch it!

PANEL 5: Ashley takes a step back in fear as the gangbanger brandishes a knife and grins. His cohort is also grinning and making a threatening advance.

GANGBANGER: Kid looks rich, better hand over your money kid.

PANEL 6: The Gangbangers are turning their heads to respond to a voice coming from behind them. The Hobo is standing behind them masked by the darkness of the alley. His eyes are pupilless and glowing in the dark, peering out between the Gangbangers' heads.

HOBO: You boys really should pick on someone your own size.


PAGE 3

PANEL 1: The Hobo has taken the form of a monster. He still looks human, only he's taller and more lanky. His fingers are each extremely long, tipped by razor sharp nails. The Hobo has impaled the Gangbanger holding the knife on his long clawed hand.

GANGBANGER: Urk

PANEL 2: The Hobo has decapitated the second Gangbanger with a swipe of his other hand.

GANGBANGER2: Shiiii...

PANEL 3: The Hobo is shapeshifting back into human form via a morphing sequence traveling across the panel. He starts standing revealed in full monster mode and progresses to him being in a crouching position in full human form with one hand on Ashley's shoulder consoling her.

HOBO: Are you okay Ashley?

ASHLEY: Y...yes. What are you?

HOBO: I am the King of the Hobos. I protect those who can't protect themselves on the streets.

ASHLEY: Wow.

HOBO: But I'm getting old. And I've been searching for someone as selfless as I to take up my burden. Ashley, would you like to come with me to become Queen of the Hobos?

PANEL 4: Ashley has a look of deep thought as she contemplates the offer.

ASHLEY: Oh that would be so wonderful. By my mother...

PANEL 5: The Hobo has a dark look on his face as he stares down at Ashley.

HOBO: Ashley, your Mother cares nothing for you. If she truly cared would she not have been here to find you already?

PANEL 6: The Hobo has taken Ashley's hand and is leading her deeper into the alley, into the darkness. In the middleground the two dead Gangbangers lay. In the foreground there are several trash bags piled around some garbage cans. Under the pile of trash one of the Mother's legs is sticking out, a stream of blood running away from it.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you're right Mister. Am I really going to be a Queen?

HOBO: Yes Ashley. Yes indeed.



CAPTION: THE END

The Adventurer
09-21-2008, 11:47 PM
< <
> >

:frown:

LewMoxinsghost
09-22-2008, 12:42 AM
Hey, cheer up! I stayed up late finishing page one last night! Now, if only I can get the next two pages done in time....

Vik are you down with this sickness?

LewMoxinsghost
09-22-2008, 03:20 PM
page one
http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t221/Javajoinjun/Page_1sm.jpg
http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t221/Javajoinjun/Page_2sm.jpg
And finally...
http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t221/Javajoinjun/Page_3sm.jpg
I went all Jabberwocky for the monster. Hope you don't mind!

The Adventurer
09-22-2008, 04:53 PM
Frick'n awesome.

LewMoxinsghost
09-23-2008, 06:13 PM
Thanks for the compliment! I tried, but looks like page three is gonna be late. It is about a third finished as of this writing.

Kid Icarus
09-23-2008, 09:30 PM
argh
I didnt realize today was the due date....
I barely started character concepts

boo

suttercain
09-24-2008, 07:02 PM
Lex,

That was excellent!!! That was seriously, really, really good.

dumhed01
09-24-2008, 07:30 PM
That 3rd page looks amazing.

The Adventurer
09-24-2008, 08:26 PM
Yes! Kick ass.

Though we were right, too many words on page three. Damn my inability to write dialog!

And Jabberwoky is pretty much what I was going for. Something Fae. Putting the dark back in Faerie Tales.

LewMoxinsghost
09-25-2008, 12:25 AM
Thanks you guys! :biggrin: I tried loosening my style up a bit this time out. I had a great script to work with too. I feel like some of the layering was rushed, so next time I will not wait till the last second to start. I considered making the dialogue a little shorter but ended up leaving it all in. I'll post just the .psd based work (no dialogue) later on so you can see what is underneath.

Hey in a case like that where the dialogue is fine, but just hogging too much room... should I make the call and just edit it down?

Like instead, he could say "But I'm getting old. And it is past time for me to have a successor..."
then
"Me? A Queen? But my mom-"
"Doesn't love you. Don't you think she would have found you by now if she had?"
etc...

There are some niggling little things I want to add in later to push it a little further... like adding little "HUFF HUFF" sound effects in front of Ashley to show she is out of breath before she ducks into the alley- and a maybe a motion line that shows the movement of the King's hand during the decapitation. Also, his eyes should probably glow in panel 1 of the last page and maybe be punched up a little more in the third panel. What do you guys think? What is your favorite vs. worst panels?

dumhed01
09-25-2008, 12:47 AM
My favorite is definitely Panel 3 on Page 3.

It looks awesome.

MaxPower
09-25-2008, 12:15 PM
Looks very nice. I like the fifth panel on page two.

LewMoxinsghost
09-25-2008, 11:40 PM
With no dialogue, as promised...
http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t221/Javajoinjun/page1.jpg
http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t221/Javajoinjun/page2flat.jpg
http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t221/Javajoinjun/page3flat.jpg

The Adventurer
09-26-2008, 03:22 AM
Wow, I'm not even sure if it needs dialog now.

LewMoxinsghost
09-26-2008, 08:45 AM
Wow, I'm not even sure if it needs dialog now.

Thanks!

I think...
wasn't trying to make you obsolete! :rolleyes:

It really was a good script. I really like that it is self-contained and not full blown superhero-y.

So Mattbib, does this make me the winner by default?

Viktor Bogdanovic
09-28-2008, 04:19 AM
your best work so far, lew. i really like it.

i've been busy like hell with my new job these days so i'm sorry i couldn't participate in this challenge -- damn, it was such a cool script... :frown:

LewMoxinsghost
09-28-2008, 05:37 AM
your best work so far, lew. i really like it.

i've been busy like hell with my new job these days so i'm sorry i couldn't participate in this challenge -- damn, it was such a cool script... :frown:

Vik, thanks for the compliment. Don't apologize! It is the only way I have a chance if you aren't participating! :tongue: Seriously, hope the new job still lets you draw- best of luck to you with it- don't stop drawing but pay the rent when you need to or you'll meet the King of the hobos here.

LewMoxinsghost
09-29-2008, 07:30 AM
Mattbib? :confused:

*listens to crickets chirping*

Hope everything is okay... I am PMing you a suggestion for the next contest and am assuming that's cool.

MaxPower
09-29-2008, 09:57 AM
Who is the third dead body in the alley?

mattbib
09-29-2008, 10:03 AM
Thanks to all of you for entering! Hopefully participation continues to build.

Congrats to LewMoxinsghost! His sequentials were the only submission this round and as such he gets to pick the character, team, or plot device to be featured in our next Sequential Script challenge, which will begin shortly.

LewMoxinsghost
09-29-2008, 11:05 AM
Who is the third dead body in the alley?

From clockwise left, there is Muscles Gangbanger followed by the decapitated corpse of Weasal Gangbanger and the legs with the boots belong to Ashley's mother.

The Adventurer
09-29-2008, 03:33 PM
Who is the third dead body in the alley?

See, this is what I worried about, that I left the ending of the story too ambiguous. The idea was the King rewarded Ashley for her generosity and punished her mother for her rudeness. Essentially the King is kidnapping Ashely to fulfill his own goals under the pretense of kindness.