alveraz
08-30-2008, 09:15 AM
Thought I'd share a script that's being published at Patchwork Comics in January. This is the first draft, still cleaning it up. Thoughts eagerly welcome :)
The Mask of Manolo, Issue #1
PAGE ONE (FIVE PANELS)
Panel 1. Wide shot from above an antiquated train-station in rural Mexico, surrounded by a quiet ghost-town and vast desert. There are two silhouettes on the train platform. A mile up the tracks, a train approaches, smoke trails behind it.
CAP: It sounded like a herd of elephants.
Panel 2. Close up shot of a weathered awning hanging over rusted tracks. Beneath the awning a splintered sign reads, “Jalisco, Mexico”.
CAP: They beat the Earth with such anger.
Panel 3. We close in on two pair of feet from the knees down. One belongs to Manolo, seven years old with polished, patent leather shoes, one lace untied, and his Mother, Adelita, slender, sexy legs with sensible high heels. Both stand quietly next to each other. The gentle breeze billows the bottom of her flowered dress.
CAP: What did they want with her?
Panel 4. A full shot reveals them waiting on the edge of the platform holding hands, just feet above the train track. Adelita stares up the tracks, waiting. Manolo stares ahead, indifferent. Manolo wears a constricting school-uniform complete with bowl hat, pressed shorts, a button coat and string bow-tie. He’s skinny and awkward. His mother is tall, stunning and graceful in her flowing dress. She holds her matching weaved hat down with her hand, under the gentle breeze.
CAP: My gentle Adelita…
Panel 5. A close up. A star-shaped mole rests just to the side of Adelita’s soft lips.
CAP: My mama’
PAGE TWO (SIX PANELS)
Panel 1. Adelita kneels down to Manolo’s level and adjusts his collar. His expression still indifferent (which he holds for the next few pages, expressionless).
CAP: The sweat on her brow.
CAP: She could hear them too.
Panel 2. Closer, Manolo listens to the gentle voice from his Mother’s lips.
Adelita: I will wait for you, Manolo.
Panel 3. She places her finger over his heart.
Adelita: What is here?
Panel 4. He places his finger over hers.
Adelita: That’s right.
CAP: The sound was deafening.
Adelita: Someday you will understand why this is best for you.
Panel 5. A long shot up the tracks as a giant train barrels down towards them, steam rushes from its parts, the smoke swarms around the train.
Panel 6. Adelita stands tall and glances up the tracks at the approaching giant.
Adelita: Your Papa will take good care of you.
PAGE THREE (THREE PANELS)
Panel 1. Close up, Manolo clenches his Mother’s hand.
CAP: You did not stop evil that day.
Panel 2. Their hands pull apart.
Panel 3. The train screams into the station, hard and fast, only yards from Manolo and his Mother. Her body tilts forward, towards the oncoming train as the smoke billows into the station.
CAP: And much like Elephants…
PAGE FOUR (TWO PANELS)
Panel1. Adelita vanishes into the tracks below, a split second before the train rushes past a very still Manolo.
CAP: I don’t forget the pain of memory.
Panel 2. The speeding wall of steel and smoke wipe by Manolo as he covers his ears.
PAGE FIVE (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Manolo walks from the platform.
Panel 2. Manolo walks past a small run-down market.
Panel 3. Manolo walks down a small dirt road, his unassuming home in the distance.
Panel 4. He walks up the steps of his weathered home.
PAGE SIX (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Interior closet, Manolo’s arm reaches in and grabs a red towel.
Panel 2. From under his bed, we see Manolo reaching for an old gym sock
Panel 3. Next to a dripping, cracked kitchen sink, he pulls a pair of scissors from a drawer.
Panel 4. Manolo stands on the front porch wearing only his briefs, the towel as a cape and the gym sock as a mask with two cut-out holes for his eyes. He is quiet, arms at side, with a cold stare, motionless as his cape billows under the slight breeze.
PAGE SEVEN (THREE PANELS)
Panel 1. From behind Manolo we see a old, rusted Chevy truck pull up to the front of the house.
Panel 2. His father, Ben, a bohemian-hippie type with a beard steps out of the truck. (He’s currently in the Peace Corp, he’s a little rugged, but under the beard is a moderately handsome man.)
Panel 3. Closer, he has a puzzled, worried look on his face as he steps around the truck, starring up at his son on the porch.
Ben: Son?
PAGE EIGHT ( FIVE PANELS)
Panel 1. Over a black panel, Manolo’s voice.
CAP: This is a poem for you. The sand reminds me of the pepper she sprinkled over carnitas.
Panel 2. The black opens up into a shot of a strong hand in a rubber glove, reminiscent of golden-age heroes. It reaches into the desert sand.
Panel 3. The image, now fully clear. The glove scoops sand as it sifts through his fingers.
Panel 4. The glove retracts from the panel.
CAP: The glow of this sun reminds me of her breath.
Panel 5. The hero stands with his fists on his waist. The stoic and brave, “El Fabuloso Caballero” wears an authentic super-hero costume, simple but dynamic. Two-toned, sans logos or designs, just a sensible belt, whip, cape and mask over his eyes. He has a focused stare. His chiseled Palomino steed stands proud next to him. They both stare into the vast desert.
PAGE NINE (FIVE PANELS)
Panel 1. Fabuloso sits horseback as the horse rises onto his hind quarters, lifting a billow of dust around them. His arm spins the whip into a circle in the sky. In the foreground we see a giant, Ocotillo cactus.
CAP: With this mark, I leave a promise to return…
Panel 2. Fabuloso snaps the whip at the cactus.
CAP: with an answer to your death.
Panel 3. It slices a deep gash into the cactus.
Panel 4. He speeds off into the sunset on his horse.
Fabuloso: HIYA!
Panel 5. A black panel.
CAP (whisper): The elephants will pay in blood.
PAGE TEN (TWO PANELS)
Panel 1. The darkness washes away as we see a U-Haul truck racing down a long freeway from above.
CAP: Ten years later…
Panel 2. The U-Haul passes under a freeway sign that reads, “Los Angeles”.
PAGE ELEVEN (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Manolo, now 17 years-old, sits in the passenger seat next to his Father. Manolo is still indifferent; hair is unkempt, clothes disheveled. He’s got an old T Rex shit on. He’s still an awkward kid. His Father, Ben, has shorter hair now, he has a loose tie on, his sleeves rolled up and a 5 o’clock shadow, but cleaner than he was when we met him.
Panel 2. The truck pulls up to an apartment building in urban Los Angeles, lower income housing.
Panel 3. A patched up ‘for rent” sign juts out of the browned lawn, next to a fat lady passed out in a lawn-chair.
Ben (op): Here we are!
Panel 4. Manolo and Ben stare at their new home. Ben has a subtle smile on his face, Manolo, quite the opposite.
Manolo: Seriously?
Ben: This is our last shot, Manolo.
Manolo: At what, mediocrity?
PAGE TWELVE (SIX PANELS)
Panel 1. Wide shot of a drab, concrete High School, lethargic students walk the pathways between planted trees, vending machines and a surrounding metal fence, more like a cage.
Panel 2. Close up of a pair of feet, plain Keds with worn soles, a shoe-lace untied.
Panel 3. Wider shot. Manolo sits on a small concrete bench. He has grown into an awkward teenager, complete with bad posture and an aura of insecurity. He’s wears a pair of corduroy shorts and his socks are pulled up too high. He’s got a “R.F.T.C” T-Shirt on (google for this band if you need to), it’s a little too small for him. His hair is unkempt. He takes a bite from his sandwich; his brown sac lunch is crumpled in his lap.
Panel 4. Telly, a cute girl with pale skin, black bangs and a nose ring steps into frame. Manolo notices something on her cheek.
Panel 5. Close-up. A star-shaped mole rests just to the side of Telly’s soft lips.
Panel 6. Manolo makes room as she takes a seat next to him. He’s a little nervous, his legs point away from her as he huddles on the edge of the bench..
PAGE THIRTEEN (FIVE PANELS)
NOTE: Periodically add a student or two passing in front of them, their waist down, just walking by.
Panel 1. She pulls out her own sandwich.
Panel 2. She leans over to look at his.
Telly: What is that?
Panel 3. Manolo looks down at his sandwich.
Manolo: Pastrami, I think.
Telly: I don’t eat meat.
Panel 4. Manolo lifts his bread and stares at the pastrami.
Panel 5. He tosses the sandwich into the trashcan next to the bench
PAGE FOURTEEN ( FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. They both stare forward.
Telly: That was awkward.
Panel 2. Telly takes a bite of her sandwich.
Manolo: Why?
Telly: You threw your sandwich away because I don’t eat meat.
Manolo: I don’t have any friends.
Panel 3. Telly reaches her hand out.
Telly: Telly.
Panel 4. They shake.
Manolo: Manolo.
Telly: Do you have a girlfriend?
The Mask of Manolo, Issue #1
PAGE ONE (FIVE PANELS)
Panel 1. Wide shot from above an antiquated train-station in rural Mexico, surrounded by a quiet ghost-town and vast desert. There are two silhouettes on the train platform. A mile up the tracks, a train approaches, smoke trails behind it.
CAP: It sounded like a herd of elephants.
Panel 2. Close up shot of a weathered awning hanging over rusted tracks. Beneath the awning a splintered sign reads, “Jalisco, Mexico”.
CAP: They beat the Earth with such anger.
Panel 3. We close in on two pair of feet from the knees down. One belongs to Manolo, seven years old with polished, patent leather shoes, one lace untied, and his Mother, Adelita, slender, sexy legs with sensible high heels. Both stand quietly next to each other. The gentle breeze billows the bottom of her flowered dress.
CAP: What did they want with her?
Panel 4. A full shot reveals them waiting on the edge of the platform holding hands, just feet above the train track. Adelita stares up the tracks, waiting. Manolo stares ahead, indifferent. Manolo wears a constricting school-uniform complete with bowl hat, pressed shorts, a button coat and string bow-tie. He’s skinny and awkward. His mother is tall, stunning and graceful in her flowing dress. She holds her matching weaved hat down with her hand, under the gentle breeze.
CAP: My gentle Adelita…
Panel 5. A close up. A star-shaped mole rests just to the side of Adelita’s soft lips.
CAP: My mama’
PAGE TWO (SIX PANELS)
Panel 1. Adelita kneels down to Manolo’s level and adjusts his collar. His expression still indifferent (which he holds for the next few pages, expressionless).
CAP: The sweat on her brow.
CAP: She could hear them too.
Panel 2. Closer, Manolo listens to the gentle voice from his Mother’s lips.
Adelita: I will wait for you, Manolo.
Panel 3. She places her finger over his heart.
Adelita: What is here?
Panel 4. He places his finger over hers.
Adelita: That’s right.
CAP: The sound was deafening.
Adelita: Someday you will understand why this is best for you.
Panel 5. A long shot up the tracks as a giant train barrels down towards them, steam rushes from its parts, the smoke swarms around the train.
Panel 6. Adelita stands tall and glances up the tracks at the approaching giant.
Adelita: Your Papa will take good care of you.
PAGE THREE (THREE PANELS)
Panel 1. Close up, Manolo clenches his Mother’s hand.
CAP: You did not stop evil that day.
Panel 2. Their hands pull apart.
Panel 3. The train screams into the station, hard and fast, only yards from Manolo and his Mother. Her body tilts forward, towards the oncoming train as the smoke billows into the station.
CAP: And much like Elephants…
PAGE FOUR (TWO PANELS)
Panel1. Adelita vanishes into the tracks below, a split second before the train rushes past a very still Manolo.
CAP: I don’t forget the pain of memory.
Panel 2. The speeding wall of steel and smoke wipe by Manolo as he covers his ears.
PAGE FIVE (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Manolo walks from the platform.
Panel 2. Manolo walks past a small run-down market.
Panel 3. Manolo walks down a small dirt road, his unassuming home in the distance.
Panel 4. He walks up the steps of his weathered home.
PAGE SIX (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Interior closet, Manolo’s arm reaches in and grabs a red towel.
Panel 2. From under his bed, we see Manolo reaching for an old gym sock
Panel 3. Next to a dripping, cracked kitchen sink, he pulls a pair of scissors from a drawer.
Panel 4. Manolo stands on the front porch wearing only his briefs, the towel as a cape and the gym sock as a mask with two cut-out holes for his eyes. He is quiet, arms at side, with a cold stare, motionless as his cape billows under the slight breeze.
PAGE SEVEN (THREE PANELS)
Panel 1. From behind Manolo we see a old, rusted Chevy truck pull up to the front of the house.
Panel 2. His father, Ben, a bohemian-hippie type with a beard steps out of the truck. (He’s currently in the Peace Corp, he’s a little rugged, but under the beard is a moderately handsome man.)
Panel 3. Closer, he has a puzzled, worried look on his face as he steps around the truck, starring up at his son on the porch.
Ben: Son?
PAGE EIGHT ( FIVE PANELS)
Panel 1. Over a black panel, Manolo’s voice.
CAP: This is a poem for you. The sand reminds me of the pepper she sprinkled over carnitas.
Panel 2. The black opens up into a shot of a strong hand in a rubber glove, reminiscent of golden-age heroes. It reaches into the desert sand.
Panel 3. The image, now fully clear. The glove scoops sand as it sifts through his fingers.
Panel 4. The glove retracts from the panel.
CAP: The glow of this sun reminds me of her breath.
Panel 5. The hero stands with his fists on his waist. The stoic and brave, “El Fabuloso Caballero” wears an authentic super-hero costume, simple but dynamic. Two-toned, sans logos or designs, just a sensible belt, whip, cape and mask over his eyes. He has a focused stare. His chiseled Palomino steed stands proud next to him. They both stare into the vast desert.
PAGE NINE (FIVE PANELS)
Panel 1. Fabuloso sits horseback as the horse rises onto his hind quarters, lifting a billow of dust around them. His arm spins the whip into a circle in the sky. In the foreground we see a giant, Ocotillo cactus.
CAP: With this mark, I leave a promise to return…
Panel 2. Fabuloso snaps the whip at the cactus.
CAP: with an answer to your death.
Panel 3. It slices a deep gash into the cactus.
Panel 4. He speeds off into the sunset on his horse.
Fabuloso: HIYA!
Panel 5. A black panel.
CAP (whisper): The elephants will pay in blood.
PAGE TEN (TWO PANELS)
Panel 1. The darkness washes away as we see a U-Haul truck racing down a long freeway from above.
CAP: Ten years later…
Panel 2. The U-Haul passes under a freeway sign that reads, “Los Angeles”.
PAGE ELEVEN (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Manolo, now 17 years-old, sits in the passenger seat next to his Father. Manolo is still indifferent; hair is unkempt, clothes disheveled. He’s got an old T Rex shit on. He’s still an awkward kid. His Father, Ben, has shorter hair now, he has a loose tie on, his sleeves rolled up and a 5 o’clock shadow, but cleaner than he was when we met him.
Panel 2. The truck pulls up to an apartment building in urban Los Angeles, lower income housing.
Panel 3. A patched up ‘for rent” sign juts out of the browned lawn, next to a fat lady passed out in a lawn-chair.
Ben (op): Here we are!
Panel 4. Manolo and Ben stare at their new home. Ben has a subtle smile on his face, Manolo, quite the opposite.
Manolo: Seriously?
Ben: This is our last shot, Manolo.
Manolo: At what, mediocrity?
PAGE TWELVE (SIX PANELS)
Panel 1. Wide shot of a drab, concrete High School, lethargic students walk the pathways between planted trees, vending machines and a surrounding metal fence, more like a cage.
Panel 2. Close up of a pair of feet, plain Keds with worn soles, a shoe-lace untied.
Panel 3. Wider shot. Manolo sits on a small concrete bench. He has grown into an awkward teenager, complete with bad posture and an aura of insecurity. He’s wears a pair of corduroy shorts and his socks are pulled up too high. He’s got a “R.F.T.C” T-Shirt on (google for this band if you need to), it’s a little too small for him. His hair is unkempt. He takes a bite from his sandwich; his brown sac lunch is crumpled in his lap.
Panel 4. Telly, a cute girl with pale skin, black bangs and a nose ring steps into frame. Manolo notices something on her cheek.
Panel 5. Close-up. A star-shaped mole rests just to the side of Telly’s soft lips.
Panel 6. Manolo makes room as she takes a seat next to him. He’s a little nervous, his legs point away from her as he huddles on the edge of the bench..
PAGE THIRTEEN (FIVE PANELS)
NOTE: Periodically add a student or two passing in front of them, their waist down, just walking by.
Panel 1. She pulls out her own sandwich.
Panel 2. She leans over to look at his.
Telly: What is that?
Panel 3. Manolo looks down at his sandwich.
Manolo: Pastrami, I think.
Telly: I don’t eat meat.
Panel 4. Manolo lifts his bread and stares at the pastrami.
Panel 5. He tosses the sandwich into the trashcan next to the bench
PAGE FOURTEEN ( FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. They both stare forward.
Telly: That was awkward.
Panel 2. Telly takes a bite of her sandwich.
Manolo: Why?
Telly: You threw your sandwich away because I don’t eat meat.
Manolo: I don’t have any friends.
Panel 3. Telly reaches her hand out.
Telly: Telly.
Panel 4. They shake.
Manolo: Manolo.
Telly: Do you have a girlfriend?