View Full Version : My best girlfriend lost her son this weekend

07-15-2008, 02:24 AM
He was 20 years old, studied art, was in love with his girlfriend and an all around beautiful human being.

He was hit by a speeding, drugged out driver while walking home from a party early Sunday morning and died on impact.

I knew Alex before he could even crawl. I remember his efforts to speak German with me (he grew up in France to a German mom and a French dad). I remember baby sitting and making him mad by forcing him to do his homework. I remember playing sega and super nintendo with him. I remember talking about manga with him which he loved so much that he learned Japanese and traveled to Japan. He was supposed to go back to Japan this year. He was supposed to become an artist and make my best girlfriend a grandmother some day and be a great dad.

He was supposed to fucking live, damnit.

Paul McEnery
07-15-2008, 02:27 AM
Oh crap, man, that's absolutely terrible. I'm so sorry.

07-15-2008, 02:56 AM
Oh hell. I'm so sorry to hear that, Pip.

Ian Boothby
07-15-2008, 02:56 AM
Damn, so sorry to hear that.

07-15-2008, 03:07 AM
That's so horrible, Pip. I'm sorry for your loss.

Ben Morgan
07-15-2008, 03:12 AM
My condolences Pip, that's really awful

07-15-2008, 03:14 AM
Sucks to be his family.

He's probably in that great big anime trove in the sky. RIP.

07-15-2008, 03:22 AM
He was supposed to fucking live, damnit.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss, pip.

This kind of thing pisses me off.

If it's cancer, there's a limit to what treatments you can afford, there's a limit to what science can do.

If somebody is struck by lightning, there's no helping it, really.

But when one person is responsible for another person's death, it's infuriating. Especially because it always seems to be some loser stealing the possibilities from someone who has the world before them.

All it would have taken is for the asshole driving to say "no". No to the drugs or the gun or the car or any combination of unfathomably stupid, selfish and immature choices that cost a mother her son, a sister her brother, a friend a friend.

When somebody like Vonnegut slips in his kitchen and gets brain damage from the fall, I'm comfortable being sad but acknowledging in a very Vonnegut-like way, "So it goes."

But it's SO damn preventable when one human takes another human's life. Because whether we're talking murder or gross negligence, somebody made a decision they didn't have to make.

One less drink. One less pill. Not getting behind the wheel. Not picking up the gun. Putting the gun down.

And these assholes have been plaguing us throughout human history. And they're the ones who get to breed their genes into the gene pool when by all rights they should be an evolutionary dead end.

And what sucks is, we have to give them better than they give us. There's no choice in the matter. The law makes that choice for us to an extent but even if we could take revenge, it's not complete. We don't get anything back... and the people responsible for this shit will never really feel the totality of the consequences of their actions. They may feel guilty, remorseful... they may even become great fucking human beings in some unlikely scenario after they pay their debt to society.

But they'll never get it. They'll never know. How many people hurt because of this? Ten? Twenty? Fifty? The idiot responsible can never even fathom all that hurt.

The doped up driver in this little tale might as well be a dumb rabid dog because he'll never get it.

And so all I can say is as much as I hope this guy suffers -- and I hate him without any direct involvement -- it will never be about him because he has nothing you or this poor child's mother want and nothing to give you.

Put him away if you can help do so. He needs to see your face, this boy's mother's face. He needs a glimpse of his own stupidity at least.

But all I can say is you gotta assimilate what remains of the kid who died. If there's a story involving him, tell it. If there's something he enjoyed, do it! If there's a concert he would have enjoyed or a book he was waiting to read and you think you might enjoy it then you gotta seize on it. If we can say of the dead that they broadened our horizons then that means something.

Hell, my old roommate? I took up some of his taste in music. I drink the stupid Fierce Melon Gatorade 'cause I'm not gonna let the Coca Cola corporation be down one buyer; it's not gonna be on my head if they discontinue the stuff! :wink: I'm never going to see that sonofabitch again unless it's in the afterlife and I'll make damned sure I go wherever he went. But I'll be damned if I can't say I knew him when he was alive and that, in the grand scheme of things, I'll always be who I am in some part because of him.

I'm trying really hard not to co-opt here. I have no great monopoly on death. (I know one girl, about 21, from a nice upper middle class community who must have one friend her age or a close family member die every month or two.)

But dammit, man. Just god fucking damn it. I need to go kick some gravel around out in the parking lot.

Tien Long
07-15-2008, 04:40 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's son. I wish the best for you and your friend. Support one another during this time, and know that others will be here for you also.

Alan Lynch
07-15-2008, 04:55 AM
God Pip, that's horrible. My sincerest condolonces to you and everyone who knew the guy, especially his mother. This is tragic.

07-15-2008, 05:20 AM
Very sorry for the loss.

Indigo Al
07-15-2008, 05:22 AM
I'm very sorry to hear this news, 4thpip. Courage.

07-15-2008, 05:29 AM
That's terrible, Pip. :frown: I'm so sorry for you and your friend's loss. My hugs and prayers are with you.

07-15-2008, 05:30 AM
That sucks Pip , the family has my condolences as do you as his friend.

07-15-2008, 05:33 AM
I'm sorry for your loss Pip. Sounds like you helped raise him.

There's no such thing as a "good death", but it seems infinitely worse when we lose those with a bright future ahead of them.

Good luck and tell his mom our thoughts are with you.

07-15-2008, 05:40 AM
i'm so sorry pip.

Karl O'Neill
07-15-2008, 06:04 AM
wow that's terrible news.

God Bless him.

07-15-2008, 06:07 AM
My best to his family and friends and fuck the deadshit bastard who killed hm.

Pink Bat Maxine
07-15-2008, 06:15 AM
A damn shame.


07-15-2008, 06:16 AM
I'm too tired to think of anything poignant to say.

All I can say is; memory's of a friend of my half sister's precipitous death--who was also killed by someone driving under the influence--and how it tore my half sister apart, are coming back to me.

This both saddens and angers me. I can only hope that the man who took his life will let all the of the guilt that will torture him be a reminder of days past, and this will lead him to sober up and change.

May the person who passed on live on through his loved ones.


I think this song by Jester sums up the way I feel. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=ymJcr3kcwc8)

It's a bad dream.

Will that be your soul?

a. non
07-15-2008, 06:16 AM
I'm sorry


Bo Bo
07-15-2008, 06:18 AM
My condolences.

The Beast Of Yucca Flats
07-15-2008, 06:36 AM
All it would have taken is for the asshole driving to say "no". No to the drugs or the gun or the car or any combination of unfathomably stupid, selfish and immature choices that cost a mother her son, a sister her brother, a friend a friend.

Ain't it the truth. Christ Almighty.

07-15-2008, 06:38 AM
Sorry to hear this news. Thoughts to you and to his family, especially his mom. Parents are supposed to outlive their kids.

07-15-2008, 07:15 AM
That's very terrible news... my condolences.

07-15-2008, 07:22 AM
My condolences, Pip....

07-15-2008, 07:49 AM
Sorry, Pip...wish there as more I could say.

07-15-2008, 08:54 AM
It just seems like it's the best and brightest that get taken away too soon.

Sarah Beach
07-15-2008, 08:58 AM
So sorry, Pip. You and your friend, and all the young man's family & loved ones have my prayers and sympathy.

He sounds like a fine young man, and it's a great loss to all around him.

07-15-2008, 09:10 AM
This is terrible. I'm so sorry, Pip. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((Pip))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))

Dark Galaxy
07-15-2008, 09:30 AM
How awful.

Condolences to you and his family.

07-15-2008, 09:45 AM
I am very sorry for you and your friends loss, Pip.

07-15-2008, 09:55 AM
Some days I just hate the world for the stupid people it allows on it, and the horrible things they pull... I always fear of losing someone that matters to me in such a manner.

My deepest heartfelt condolances to you, your fiend and her family.

Alex L
07-15-2008, 11:01 AM
It just seems like it's the best and brightest that get taken away too soon.

It really does.

Condolences to you and his family, Pip.

Adam C
07-15-2008, 11:04 AM
Pip I am truly sorry to hear about your loss. A friend of mine lost her best friend to a drunk driver here in Canada shortly after he moved here, and considering how many of her friends have died I wonder how she holds up as well as she does. It's risible and maddening that good people get killed because of the fucking stupidity and carelessness of others who decided to indulge themselves too much and then get behind a piece of metal with several hundred kilograms of mass that can mutilate and kill if it hits someone.

And while I didn't know him, the fact that he was an artist makes it more saddening to me what with me being an artistic type and lamenting lost potential. Of course you know that much better than all of us since you knew him.

One less drink. One less pill. Not getting behind the wheel. Not picking up the gun. Putting the gun down.

That has a very good rhythmic quality to it. It should be a song lyric.

07-15-2008, 11:41 AM
So much potential and so young. It's just sad. I don't know what else to say but that you and his family hang in there.

07-15-2008, 12:00 PM
Thank you everybody for your kind words.

Here are two works by Alex himself that come close to expressing how I feel.



07-16-2008, 03:46 AM
I'm going to France tomorrow for the funeral, which will be Friday.

Had to think of this song on my way to work today and had to cry. Gladys wrote "Something Blue" about her feelings after her own son died of pneumonia in his 30s.


Lester C.
07-16-2008, 07:06 AM
Since you created this thread Pip I've been trying to think of something to type that will make you feel better. Somehow I'm sorry and you have my deepest sympathies doesn't seem enough. Unfortunately this is such a heart breaking story I have nothing to say except that I'm so sorry this happened, saddened by your loss and everyone effected has my deepest condolences.

The Joker
07-16-2008, 08:54 AM
You have my condolences, Pip. Sorry for your loss.

07-19-2008, 09:44 AM
I carried Alex home today. The urn with his ashes are now on his desk surrounded by his art supplies.
His mother wanted to go pick up the ashes by herself, but I convinced her by stating that her son should not be put in the trunk of a car, that someone should be holding him.

If anyone wants to read a really emotional account, my ex wrote a very touching blog from afar:

(the 2 most recent entries)

We were relieved to hear yesterday that Alex was completely sober when he was killed. The coroner did not find a trace of alcohol or any other chemical substance in his blood. There shall be no blaming the victim at the killer's trial.

07-19-2008, 09:45 AM
Let's see some justice at least, then.

07-19-2008, 09:53 AM
my condolences Pip.

I'm very sorry for your loss (both your friend's and your own).



Charles RB
07-19-2008, 10:56 AM
I'm sorry.