Post your favorite quote about sex/relationships(warning: naughtiness)

[40footwolf]

"Ladies, if you will not suck a man's dick then he knows a raggedy bitch who will, and he has her number."

-Katt Williams

[Michael P]

"Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled." - Harlan Ellison

"Mr. Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." - Jean-Luc Picard

"Women are crazy and men are dumb. And the reason women are crazy is because men are dumb." - George Carlin

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you." - Silent Bob

[section 8]

Fella's When you wake up in the morning you should look yourself in the mirror and say "FUCK YOU! Fuck your hopes, Fuck your dreams fuck your plans, fuck everything you thought this life would bring you....Now let's go out there and try to make this bitch happy"

"the only exciting relationships, are bad relationships."

"Women like to complain. No matter what you do, you could fuck a woman with a diamond dick and make her come ten time she'll still complain
'why you make me come so hard? this diamond dick is cloudy you shoulda gone to Tiffiny's you're so fucking cheap!' No matter what you do your woman is mad at you"

-Chris Rock

[40footwolf]

"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his abdominal cavity."

-Oscar Wilde

[Red Jack]

"I aint concerned with other men with you now
As long as when I slide up in you, you growl
And any dude with you, he better be a kin to you now
And I aint jealous, it's the principle now
I'm so into you."

Fabolous - So Into You.

[Tetsuo_man]

"I stopped getting the girl about ten years ago. Which is just as well because I'd forgotten what I wanted her for."-John Wayne

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."-Robert Heinlein

"Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."-Henry Kissinger

"I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television."-Gore Vidal

"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."-Hunter S. Thompson

[Charles RB]

"Girl? You have two species on this planet? ...ah, I understand. You have a primary and a secondary reproductive cycle. It is an inefficient system, you should change it."
- Linx the Sontaran

[JohnPopa]

Paraphrasing an anonymous source. "All that talk about sense of humor and emotional compatibility doesn't mean shit if you don't want to lick whipped cream off the other person at some point or another."

[Sally Sensational]

"Before you can share your life with someone, you first have to have a life!" - wisdom from one of my better exes.

[Weapon Ick]

"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another."
- H. L. Mencken

[section 8]

the term "Sport Fucking"
&
"I haven been Fucked like that since grade school"
_Fight Club

[Pink Bat Maxine]

"Lip licka licka lick a labia limbo
Lick her lovely labyrinthian loins
Sing Pumonawalicka
Climb on I wanna lick ya
Ah weh!
Up the ol' Wazubee, baby.
Lip licky licky
Learn to like it when you licky
When it's sticky lucky, licky some more
You learn to like to lick a lady
Lady like you and you'll likely score! "

-The Wet Spots

[TheOceanic7th]

[high part:]
Everytime I see your face I get all wet between my legs
Everytime you pass me by, I heave a sigh of pain

[low part:]
Everytime I see your face I think of things unpure, unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
I'll take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of
Is everything I'll do to you
I'll fuck you and your minions, too
Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like you're underwater
Hair's too long and in your eyes
Your lips a perfect "suck me" size
You act like you're fourteen years old
Everything you say is so obnoxious, funny, true and mean
I want to be your blowjob queen
You're probably shy and introspective
That's not part of my objective
I just want your fresh, young jimmy
Turning, slamming, ramming in me
Everytime I see your face I think of things unpure, unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
I'll take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of
Is everything I'll do to you
I'll fuck you till your dick is blue

Everytime

Liz Phair "Flower"

You ever notice how, when you're single all you see are couples, and when you are in a couple, all you see are hookers?

Jim Gaffigan

"J'ai une bouche comme dix doigts et dix doigts comme une bouche"

From the movie she gets what she wants.

[Grazzt]

"A true Canadian is one who can make love in a canoe without tipping."
-Pierre Berton

[Hurricane]

"You ain't going to shit right for a week." -Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa

"I'll stuff you like a dead squirrel." -Don't remember, but I heard it in a movie.

[Infra-Man]

Both from Annie Hall:

"Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

"I thought of that old joke. Y'know, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships: Y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs."

[KevinTBrown]

"I've never fucked a 10, but I fucked five 2s once." ~ George Carlin

[Buzz Dixon]

1 Corinthians 13 [NIV]


1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

"Which would you you rather have? 'I'm gonna shove my hard cock in your wet pussy,' or 'I'm gonna fill your hoo-ha with goofjuice!'"
-Patton Oswalt

Tulip 'O Hare: "I read in a magazine somewhere 80 percent of men won't do that."
Jesse Custer: "80 percent of men are dumb as posts."

[Charles RB]

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So not "hope"? Well that kills a Red Dwarf gag...

[Timberoo]

The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else.

[jesse_custer]

Son of God or Son of Man, you can't fuck your sister and expect much good to come from it.

- Herr Starr, Preacher

[BlairH]

"Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled." - Harlan Ellison


Harlan Ellison obviously doesn't get it.

[jesse_custer]

I don't think you get Harlan Ellison.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

"When last I lived in this City, I was considered an eligible bachelor. Women would hurl themselves at me without my having to drug them first. But now, I am old. Pieces of my body are moving around. I am no longer pretty. Gravity tugs at my ass, my paunch, and my painfully heavy testicles. I have not had sex in more than three years.

When I do finally torture, medicate, or hypnotize someone into manipulating my bits, the police will find our remains blasted into the walls by ballistic semen. And I am forced to suffer this in a city where I can fall in love eighty times a day just by stepping out into the street and opening my eyes.

You will all pay."
-Spider Jerusalem

[Corrina]

What are lovely & relevant Bible quotes doing in a naughty thread?

Damn you, Buzz Dixon!

:)

At the moment, all that comes to mind is "Life is pain, Princess. Anyone telling you different is selling something."

Maybe I'll get to 'death cannot stop true love' at some point this week but I'm feeling mostly dead right now.

[Solaris]

"...Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me..."

---Monty Python


"This face is leavin' in five minutes---be on it."

(quoted from an ex, who said that the girl he said it to slapped his face)


"Keep that up and I WON'T spank you."

---Me :biggrin:

[KevinTBrown]

Said by Cinderella as she sat on Pinocchio's face: "Lie to me!! Lie to me!!!"

[Dark Galaxy]

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
- Mae West

My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she’s reading.
~ Steve Jobs

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind that virginity could be a virtue.
-- Voltaire

God, give me chastity and moderation, but not yet.
-- St. Augustine

[Charles RB]

"You can't have true love without jealousy!"
- Bender

"Love the tentacle!"
- Fry


"Keep that up and I WON'T spank you."

---Me :biggrin:

Now that's an ultimatum. (Maybe that's what the Ultimate Marvel Ultimatum miniseries is going to be out? Look at all the Ultimate costumes and half the characters, they're clearly into that stuff...)

[section 8]

At the moment, all that comes to mind is "Life is pain, Princess. Anyone telling you different is selling something."

Basically my philosophy on life in a nutshell.

Where did that come from?

[section 8]

"I went looking for trouble, and boy, i found her."

"When i Called her 'Evil' She just laughed."

" 'Trust and you will be trusted' said the liar, to the fool.
Lust someone and your busted. In love and war there aint no rules"

"Are ten thousand tears worth a single smile?
If you give an inch, will they take a mile?
Longing for the past dreading the future.
If not being used, then you're a user and a loser
I don't need love."

-Type O Negative

[Typo Lad]

"I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults" - Gore Vidal.

[Gladiaria_Alata]

Most of this. :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njcn6b8L7zg&feature=related

[ninjapeps]

Basically my philosophy on life in a nutshell.

Where did that come from?

The Princess Bride.

[Corrina]

Yes, the Princess Bride.

But "Life is pain," is not meant to be taken seriously--Wesley is saying that because he's mad at Buttercup. Later on, he says "death cannot stop true love, it can only delay it a while."

As a philosophy of life, it's not meant to be taken seriously in the movie. (Of course, not much is in that movie...)

[Charles RB]

"There's nothing kinky about the law!"
- Judge Dredd

[section 8]

"Men are idiots"

"Ooh that sounds Militant, you thinking about joining the other side?"

"I can't Women are insane"

"well then you'd better go to church and ask God for a third option"

-Dogma

[section 8]

"Women are like trout, mesmerized by anything shinny"
-My three times divorced dad. It seems he still hasn't learned

[section 8]

"She told me to come, but i was already there"
- AC/DC

[stealthwise]

I don't think you get Harlan Ellison.

That sounds about as appealing as getting the clap.