If you could bring one "rule" to the internet, what would it be?

[PatrickG]

Mine would be this:

If you ever put words in someone else's mouth, say someone's tears taste sweet, say "whaaaambulance" (or some variation thereof) or use "QQ" to describe someone else's point of view, you become magically unable to use the internet for 7 days.

If you need it simplified, I'd settle for anyone who uses any form of "Reductio ad absurdum" argument to be struck with Chicken Pox.

Examples:


So what you're really saying when you want Barack Obama to win is:

"Waaaaah! I'm a bum who wants socialism! Pay for my abortions because I'm an immature 11 year who can't control my genitals!"


So what you're saying when you say you want John McCain to win is:

"Waaaaah! I'm an old person! I'm Crotchety McAncient. Give me the blood of innocents and launch us into war with heathen infidels until we destroy the anti-christ with nukes!"


Ooh! You ACTUALLY miss New Coke, huh? Somebody call the whaaaambulance! It's the end of the world because you can't drink your crap in a can.


The tears of lawyers taste sweet.


QQ! Cry more, loser.

These yank my chain whenever I see them applied because they assume that anyone who rants, expresses displeasure, discomfort or calls for any kind of change is WHINING, SAD and CRYING. They may, in fact, be angry, miffed, nostalgic, hopeful, helpful or simply rational. But if you don't like what they have to say, you get to define the argument in most of the 'net (most of which is pretty immature) by painting the opposition as a pouty little brat.

This is really the only type of behavior that bugs me online. I don't mind Godwin's Law or stupid horny people looking to cyber or egomaniacs looking for affirmation.

But I HATE the idea of anyone trying to WIN anything based on anything other than direct analysis of the issue. This is the one thing I could probably see myself snapping and becoming a serial killer over. Or at least writing a quasi-intellectual slasher flick about.

[Agent Helix]

QQ more noob.

[JonniRandom]

I HATE "forum expressions".

Rule: Anybody who uses the internet to hurt somebody is electrocuted by their own computer.


"Word".

[MartinRedmond]

Replying with the variations of "fail" or "facepalm" = instant ban forever.

[Infra-Man]

I'm torn between these:

If you insult someone on the internet and that person insults you back, you cannot whine about it.

and

If you are factually wrong about something during an argument or assert something that is factually wrong and someone calls you out on it, you must admit you were wrong instead of spinning and obfuscating.

[Mr.EZ]

I hate the terms "QFT" and "FTW."

[Chiroptera]

Rule: Anyone who uses the word "Gay/Queer/Homo" as a derogatory term for anything has an electrical charge the equivalent of a police stun gun strike them through their keyboard.

[K-DoG7p7]

So Fag is still ok??

Rule: No n00bs

[Infra-Man]

Mine would be this:

If you ever put words in someone else's mouth, say someone's tears taste sweet, say "whaaaambulance" (or some variation thereof) or use "QQ" to describe someone else's point of view, you become magically unable to use the internet for 7 days.

...

These yank my chain whenever I see them applied because they assume that anyone who rants, expresses displeasure, discomfort or calls for any kind of change is WHINING, SAD and CRYING. They may, in fact, be angry, miffed, nostalgic, hopeful, helpful or simply rational. But if you don't like what they have to say, you get to define the argument in most of the 'net (most of which is pretty immature) by painting the opposition as a pouty little brat.

Surely we can make an exception for this rule when it applies to Kanye West being a douchebag on his blog, yes?

[Darediva]

One rule? It would have to be use some grammar, spelling and punctuation. Texting is one thing; posting on forums and sending email are quite different.

I am constantly annoyed when I see the non-use of the shift key when needed, or the length of a run-on sentence that should be a paragraph.

Go ahead. Call me anal. I have a great in-joke about that.

[beetlebum]

Ugggh...

You're anal. :tongue:

And Infra, I heart you so much for your suggestions.

As for me, the only rule I would like to add is weigh the possible perlocutionary effect your utterance may have on others.

In other words? Exercise some common sense before posting.

Don't post things that are intentionally provocative, as I'm just plain getting sick of it.

[GozertheGozarian]

No more smileys, ever.

[Darediva]

Ugggh...

You're anal. :tongue:
.

I was going to PM you the "joke" but found you don't accept PMs. It's not really that funny, just ironic.

[LewisH]

like my Outback Steakhouse: No Rules. Just Right. If you don't like the behavior of individuals at the sites you currently visit, you are free to start your own moderated site with whatever rules you personally choose to impose.

One universal rule for EVERY site on the internet is a ridiculous idea as each site is established for different purposes and aimed at different audiences. Besides it isn't that hard to ignore posters that annoy you. See you just did.:wink:

[Sally Sensational]

I'm with Darediva on this one. Forcing most people on the internet to use proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling - or at least their best efforts at such (I am aware that there are spelling-challenged people in the world and that folks who are trying to use English as a second language face even more challenges) - would actually eliminate a great deal of the general stupidity as things like L33T would have to go away.

Typos and honest grammar and spelling problems are excusable - forcibly mangling the English language is NOT.

[The Xenos]

Rule 34: If it exists, there's porn of it.

What more rules do you need?


So Fag is still ok??

Rule: No n00bs
Sometimes I've seen it explained as: We're all fags here. I'm a fag. You're a fag. "How do you know I'm a fag?" said Alice. You must be,or you wouldn't have come here.

Funny thing is, I remember being called a fag back in middle school. I wasn't even into guys, that's what the bullies used. So as a joke against those asshats, I kinda find it fun to be called one online in certain unruly forums.



Typos and honest grammar and spelling problems are excusable - forcibly mangling the English language is NOT.
your friend at the end (http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/10/11/)

[Mr.EZ]

I'm a Friendly And Gentlemanly person. I just happen to like the womens.

[Agent Helix]

Only important rule : Don't be such a fuckin' crybaby all the time.

[jesse_custer]

You have to type with your feet.

[Infra-Man]

You have to type with your feet.

ik jhrft tnre er4 r4bv

[Agent Helix]

If you use big, fancy words in order to make your banal, meaningless post seem smarter, you get punched in the throat.

[Michael P]

Spelling and grammar, motherfucker. You will use them.

[beetlebum]

If you complain about someone using 'big words' in their posts--not only do you also deserve to be punched in the throat (for being too lazy to use Google) but your posts deserve to be ignored for being the contrite nonsense that they are.

[jesse_custer]

OK, new rule. You cannot say ignore, you must say iggy because that is proper and intelligent.

[Eliseu Gouveia]

I´d implement electric bracelets so that whenever someone´s being a troll or an ass, posters would have the ability to electrocute him.

Then step aside and let the chaos ensue. :cool:

[Agent Helix]

If you make a big fuss whenever you put somebody on ignore, instead of actually ignoring them, well you're just kind of funny, I guess. Tee hee!

[MartinRedmond]

I´d implement electric bracelets so that whenever someone´s being a troll or an ass, posters would have the ability to electrocute him.

Then step aside and let the chaos ensue. :cool:

Letting users police a board doesn't really work and just invites abuse. You can get youtube accounts shut down with like 5 or 6 people.

[Copper]

It's perfectly acceptable to like/dislike a certain movie/creator/tv show/book, etc. Except when it turns into a fucking crusade and you bring your obsession into threads that have nothing to do with said obsession.

Those that are guilty of this will have a cast-iron frying pan dropped on their heads.

[Grazzt]

One rule?

I pick: my rule. :evilsmile:

[Eliseu Gouveia]

Letting users police a board doesn't really work and just invites abuse. You can get youtube accounts shut down with like 5 or 6 people.


Hence the chaos remark. :biggrin:

[Matt Doc Martin]

I'm torn between these:

If you insult someone on the internet and that person insults you back, you cannot whine about it.

and

If you are factually wrong about something during an argument or assert something that is factually wrong and someone calls you out on it, you must admit you were wrong instead of spinning and obfuscating.

yes.


One rule? It would have to be use some grammar, spelling and punctuation. Texting is one thing; posting on forums and sending email are quite different.

I am constantly annoyed when I see the non-use of the shift key when needed, or the length of a run-on sentence that should be a paragraph.

Go ahead. Call me anal. I have a great in-joke about that.

Please, gods, yes.


I'm with Darediva on this one. Forcing most people on the internet to use proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling - or at least their best efforts at such (I am aware that there are spelling-challenged people in the world and that folks who are trying to use English as a second language face even more challenges) - would actually eliminate a great deal of the general stupidity as things like L33T would have to go away.

Typos and honest grammar and spelling problems are excusable - forcibly mangling the English language is NOT.

Again, YES!


Only important rule : Don't be such a fuckin' crybaby all the time.

I like your style...YES!


Spelling and grammar, motherfucker. You will use them.


Again...YES!

If you make a big fuss whenever you put somebody on ignore, instead of actually ignoring them, well you're just kind of funny, I guess. Tee hee!

Actually, you are pathetic and sad, but yes!

[Pink Bat Maxine]

No more penis enlargement spam!

[juggling man]

The one rule that would make the internet fun again.

NO PORN.

[PatrickG]

The one rule that would make the internet fun again.

NO PORN.

Well, I'm not a porn person but I think you'd probably destroy a few souls if you did that.

I do miss when the words "shareware" and "freeware" were distinct and separate terms and you could still find major geek hubs without any terribly angry/bitter/cynical people, back when it was an information superhighway utopian love in, back before the dot com bubble burst and almost everyone was making $15-20 an hour doing jobs that you'd have to go to India for now.

(And, yeah, I know American techies who are moving to India in search of work now.)

[juggling man]

Well, I'm not a porn person but I think you'd probably destroy a few souls if you did that.

So be it then.

[Buzz Dixon]

Post as if everybody knows who you are, where you live, and owns a gun.

[beetlebum]

*sigh* Why couldn't this damn thread stay dead?!

Nevermind.

[Tommy]

The one rule that would make the internet fun again.

NO PORN.

There would be no internet without porn.

The idea of the internet (large amounts of information being housed on computers networked together with mutual access across the globe) has been around since the 60's. But only the military and a few major universities ever bothered with it.

It wasn't until people discovered they could have access to porn from their very own home that the internet really took off. And most (if not all) those security measures that allow you to shop on Amazon or where ever originally were built by porn sites for customer security.

[Cam63]

No more penis enlargement spam!

But...but...they promise so much...

[Cam63]

*sigh* Why couldn't this damn thread stay dead?!

Matt: Thanks for calling me pathetic and sad--when I've been nothing but respectful to you. So much for respect.

Psst... I don't think Matt was addressing you.

[The Ray]

Cam drinks for free.

[Cam63]

Would you like your Nobel Peace Prize delivered or would you rather recieve it in person, Ray ?

[ninjapeps]

And most (if not all) those security measures that allow you to shop on Amazon or where ever originally were built by porn sites for customer security.

Streaming video technology, too, if I'm not mistaken. Like it or not, porn has done some great things for the Internet. Porn is also responsible for pop-up ads, though, so it's a double-edged sword.

[Ben Morgan]

But...but...they promise so much...

Just like that beer spam.

[Tommy]

Streaming video technology, too, if I'm not mistaken. Like it or not, porn has done some great things for the Internet. Porn is also responsible for pop-up ads, though, so it's a double-edged sword.

Actually porn has been the driving force of the arts (if not technology itself) since the human race began. All those caves are filled with 3,000 year old pictures of sex. Masturbation, oral, threesomes, voyeurism... everything you can find on the internet now you can find drawn on those walls (high technology excluded or course).

[Cam63]

Just like that beer spam.

Oh, the beer spam works.

*Pours drink from side of screen*

[Buzz Dixon]

Actually porn has been the driving force of the arts (if not technology itself) since the human race began. All those caves are filled with 3,000 year old pictures of sex. Masturbation, oral, threesomes, voyeurism... everything you can find on the internet now you can find drawn on those walls (high technology excluded or course).Buzz Dixon's Theory of Art:

Every time a new medium is invented, the inventor first

does a landscape or still life to prove it can be done

follows it with a tribute to his or her god

then asks their girlfriend to pose naked.

[the4thpip]

One rule? It would have to be use some grammar, spelling and punctuation. Texting is one thing; posting on forums and sending email are quite different.

I am constantly annoyed when I see the non-use of the shift key when needed, or the length of a run-on sentence that should be a paragraph.

Go ahead. Call me anal. I have a great in-joke about that.

You beat me to it.

[TheOceanic7th]

Psst... I don't think Matt was addressing you.


But every thread is about her.

[beetlebum]

You know what's really sad? Taking a shot at someone you don't even know too well; and basing it on your own priori assumptions as opposed to any concrete proof. Seriously.

[GozertheGozarian]

Especially one well liked and respected by the majority of the board.

[juggling man]

I don't give two shits what good people think porn has done. Porn is shit.

[GozertheGozarian]

I don't give two shits what good people think porn has done. Porn is shit.
Nice to see you're not letting your opinion get in the way of facts.

[Michael P]

I don't give two shits what good people think porn has done. Porn is shit.

Only the German stuff.

[GozertheGozarian]

How could I have missed that joke?

[Cam63]

You know what's really sad? Taking a shot at someone you don't even know too well.

I guess you wouldn't fit in the army then.

[Agent Helix]

Always remember:

It's only an internet. It can't really hurt you.

[Infra-Man]

Only the German stuff.

You have won the internet today.

[Cam63]

Always remember:

It's only an internet. It can't really hurt you.

You haven't pissed on it while naked then.

[Agent Helix]

That was an electric fence.

[Cam63]

That was an electric fence.

Ohhhh... Now, it's comin' back to me...

[Alex L]

I don't give two shits what good people think porn has done. Porn is shit.
Well...

Only the German stuff.

Guess I owe you a Coke.

I suppose if I could only impose one 'rule,' it would be the spelling/grammar "at least make your best attempt to make your writing easily comprehensible."

But a second, which personally annoys me more, is when people start off a reply with a variation of "Well, I haven't bothered to read the entire thread, but..."

Read the thread! If you want others to read and consider your thoughts, the very least you could do is skim other people's. Plus, that's an easy way for a long thread to start going in circles as people have to start reiterating from page three all over again.

[Tommy]

I don't give two shits what good people think porn has done. Porn is shit.


Nice to see you're not letting your opinion get in the way of facts.

Wow! From this very own thread!


If you are factually wrong about something during an argument or assert something that is factually wrong and someone calls you out on it, you must admit you were wrong instead of spinning and obfuscating.

[GozertheGozarian]

I was going for snark, I think I failed.

[adam_warlock_2099]

Either . . . be civil or use your common sense. Either one of those would solve 99% of the internet's problems. Maybe even mankind's in general.

[Corrina]

Where's the rule that I am in charge 24/7 all the time, and my minions increase exponentially each day?

I want that rule.

:)

[section 8]

If that happens Corrina, I will become Amish

[Matt Doc Martin]

Psst... I don't think Matt was addressing you.

Yeah...that is correct.

Did I miss something?

[beetlebum]

Matt: Thanks for your clarification (amongst other things).

I was really tired and suffering from bouts of anxiety when I posted last night--which explains my sensitivity.

Thanks again.

EDIT: In regards to what happened, I misinterpreted a post you made earlier. Sorry. :redface:

[Matt Doc Martin]

Matt: Thanks for your clarification (amongst other things).

I was really tired and suffering from bouts of anxiety when I posted last night--which explains my sensitivity.

Thanks again.

No problem!

(I still do not know what happened, but that is nothing new)

[Cam63]

Where's the rule that I am in charge 24/7 all the time, and my minions increase exponentially each day?

I want that rule.

:)

Done and DONE !

[Cam63]

Yeah...that is correct.

Did I miss something?

Just the Second Comin'... Dunno what all the fuss was about...

[Ben Morgan]

Lester came back?

[Crowley]

"You do not control the internet."

I feel as though when people try and act as enforcers on the internet it usually bites them in the ass.