Corrupt a Wish

[Gary Joyce]

The Premise is simple, one poster makes a wish and then the next poster will add a drastic detail that will make the wish crappy. Followed by their own wish.

Example:

Poster 1: I wish i had a million dollars
Poster 2: Granted, but you must donate it all to pedophiles

or

Poster 1: "I wish for a hot vivacious model wife, who only lives with me and is no longer on the road"
Poster 2: "Granted, but your wife has PMS and has decided to live the rest of her life in celebecy (s.p)


I wish i had a celebrity for a parent.

[T51R]

The Premise is simple, one poster makes a wish and then the next poster will add a drastic detail that will make the wish crappy. Followed by their own wish.

Example:

Poster 1: I wish i had a million dollars
Poster 2: Granted, but you must donate it all to pedophiles

or

Poster 1: "I wish for a hot vivacious model wife, who only lives with me and is no longer on the road"
Poster 2: "Granted, but your wife has PMS and has decided to live the rest of her life in celebecy (s.p)


I wish i had a celebrity for a parent.

Your mother is Paris Hilton. :tongue: I wish for world peace.

[Gary Joyce]

Granted, but other planets see it as the perfect time to take over earth.

I wish money grew on trees.

[Schornforce]

Granted, but other planets see it as the perfect time to take over earth.

I wish money grew on trees.

Granted. Now the economy is in ruins and money is all but useless.

I wish all my favorite cancelled tv shows and comics would come back, uncancellable and better than ever.

[Demon wizard]

Granted, but aliens have just stolen all of the world TVs.
I wish that whenever I was buying something, I could just pul the exact change out of my pocket.

[Alex L]

Granted, but aliens have just stolen all of the world TVs.
I wish that whenever I was buying something, I could just pul the exact change out of my pocket.

Granted, but you can only buy items totaling 99 cents or less.

I wish I had a nice turkey sandwich.

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted, but you can only buy items totaling 99 cents or less.

I wish I had a nice turkey sandwich.

Granted, but you just developed an allergy to turkey.

I wish I had a novelty pink fuzzy hat.

[MacQuarrie]

Granted, but you just developed an allergy to turkey.

I wish I had a novelty pink fuzzy hat.

Granted, but you can never take it off.


I wish I had a working rocket-pack.

[Jack Zodiac]

I wish I had a nice turkey sandwich.

"The turkey's a little dry!"

[HouseSolo]

Granted, but you can never take it off.


I wish I had a working rocket-pack.

Granted, but it's so powerful it takes you straight into the atmosphere and you suffocate.

I wish my debt was all gone.

[Demon wizard]

Granted, but now you have to have sex with Donald Trump twice a day to pay him back for paying of your debts.

I wish I could read minds

[DrewTheXenocide]

Granted, but now you have to have sex with Donald Trump twice a day to pay him back for paying of your debts.

I wish I could read minds

Granted, now you have to watch What Women Want fifty times as a tutorial.

I wish the United States Postal Service was better.

[bushboy]

Granted, now you have to watch What Women Want fifty times as a tutorial.

I wish the United States Postal Service was better.
Granted, now all junk mail is stored in your home, instead of being sent to everyone else.

I wish I was smarter

[JonniRandom]

Granted, now all junk mail is stored in your home, instead of being sent to everyone else.

I wish I was smarter

Granted, but the dumbasses elect you as their mathematician and you do Maths all day.

I wish Harrison Ford would marry me : (

[1WEBHEAD]

Granted, but the dumbasses elect you as their mathematician and you do Maths all day.

I wish Harrison Ford would marry me : (

Granted, but somebody with a plastic arm kills you while you were preparing a romantic night for him and now he's a fugitive wanted for a murder he didn't commit.

I wish Loeb's Ultimates 3 and Red Hulk book didn't suck so much. . .

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted, but the dumbasses elect you as their mathematician and you do Maths all day.

I wish Harrison Ford would marry me : (

Granted, but in order to grant your wish, they have to pass a law legalizing gay marriage, and because of a loophole in the law, human-animal marriage and polygamy also become legal, so in addition to being married to Harrison Ford, you have to marry a jellyfish.

I wish I had more time to read.

[JonniRandom]

Granted, but somebody with a plastic arm kills you while you were preparing a romantic night for him and now he's a fugitive wanted for a murder he didn't commit.
I wish Loeb's Ultimates 3 and Red Hulk book didn't suck so much. . .
Granted, it gets better but Hulk dies in both and they replace him with "ultranew" character: "Slapdash":rolleyes:

Granted, but in order to grant your wish, they have to pass a law legalizing gay marriage, and because of a loophole in the law, human-animal marriage and polygamy also become legal, so in addition to being married to Harrison Ford, you have to marry a jellyfish.

I wish I had more time to read.
Granted, but in order to make time, you are pushed into an alternate dimension where there is nothing to do but read and you are all alone.

I wish I had more money.

[moebius]

Granted, it gets better but Hulk dies in both and they replace him with "ultranew" character: "Slapdash":rolleyes:


Granted, but in order to make time, you are pushed into an alternate dimension where there is nothing to do but read and you are all alone.

I wish I had more money.

Granted...you now have 10 trillion Soviet rubles.

I wish I were immortal.

[LewMoxinsghost]

Granted...you now have 10 trillion Soviet rubles.

I wish I were immortal.

Granted, but you have to stand on one leg, pat your head and rub your belly the whole time.

I wish people had more respect for each other.

[JonniRandom]

Granted, but you have to stand on one leg, pat your head and rub your belly the whole time.

I wish people had more respect for each other.

Granted, but now people cannot speak their REAL opinions to one another and are too ?respect-ful?

I wish Nextwave Volume 3'd come out already

[Josh S]

Granted, but now people cannot speak their REAL opinions to one another and are too ?respect-ful?

I wish Nextwave Volume 3'd come out already

Granted. But it's written by your least favorite writer.

I wish cars ran on a more economically friendly fuel.

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted. But it's written by your least favorite writer.

I wish cars ran on a more economically friendly fuel.

Granted, but that fuel is human snot.

I wish I had enough storage space in my current apartment for my entire comic book collection.

[Spike-X]

Granted. Your collection now consists only of Rob Liefeld's X-Force. In Poor condition.

I wish the cold weather was gone.

[JonniRandom]

Granted. Your collection now consists only of Rob Liefeld's X-Force. In Poor condition.

I wish the cold weather was gone.

Granted, but instead you get ridiculously hot weather until it begins to burn "all of humanity muahahahahha".

I wish I could watch new series of "House" and "Veronica Mars" every day of the week.

[Knight Lancer]

Granted, but their writing staffs have been canned and replaced by the people who wrote those primetime soap operas on MyNetwork TV that nobody ever watched.

I wish I could get in shape.

[JonniRandom]

Granted, but their writing staffs have been canned and replaced by the people who wrote those primetime soap operas on MyNetwork TV that nobody ever watched.

I wish I could get in shape.

Granted, but you get a fear of nudity in front of other people and nobody can ever see the "muscle".

I wish Alan Moore would write for Marvel again...

[Donald M.]

Granted, but you get a fear of nudity in front of other people and nobody can ever see the "muscle".

I wish Alan Moore would write for Marvel again...

Granted. He is now the new writer on Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane.

I wish M. Night Shyamalan would direct a film based on someone else's screenplay.

[JonniRandom]

Granted. He is now the new writer on Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane.

I wish M. Night Shyamalan would direct a film based on someone else's screenplay.

Granted, but is "Howard the Duck 2: Dr. Bong's revenge"

I wish some people on this forum were nicer to me:frown:

[Josh S]

Granted, but all those that are nice or indifferent are now mean to you.

I wish I had The Oblongs DVD.

[Donald M.]

Granted, but is "Howard the Duck 2: Dr. Bong's revenge"


Holy crap, best movie idea ever! How can Doctor Bong have revenge when he wasn't in the first film? Only M. Night Shyamalan could handle such a twist!

I wish some people on this forum were nicer to me:frown:

Granted. People tend to be nice to those with terminal brain cancer.

I wish I had a twelve inch penis.

[Donald M.]

Granted, but all those that are nice or indifferent are now mean to you.

I wish I had The Oblongs DVD.

Granted, but your DVD player just got stolen and when you go to buy a new one your credit card is rejected and when you go to the bank to take out cash, you're struck by lightning. Then you die.

I wish I had two twelve inch penises.

[Josh S]

I wish I had a twelve inch penis.

Granted. Inverted.

I wish Adult Swim was a channel and not just a programming block.

[Donald M.]

Granted. Inverted.

I wish Adult Swim was a channel and not just a programming block.

Granted. Unfortunately, their daytime programming hours are filled with infomercials and reruns of When Animals Attack.

I wish for a million wishes.

[TheDreamingCelestial]

I wish for a million wishes.

granted but you only got a minute to use any..

i wish i could go on a vacation right now..

[dingo]

granted but you only got a minute to use any..

i wish i could go on a vacation right now..

Granted, but you have to go to Iraq, and you don't have a passport to get out.

I wish I could cure some disease.

[Michael P]

Granted, but you have to go to Iraq, and you don't have a passport to get out.

I wish I could cure some disease.

Done. Research on the bizarre effects the hantavirus has on your body, particularly in the final stages, will revolutionize treatment.

I wish I were three inches taller.

Also:

Granted. He is now the new writer on Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane.

Where's the downside here?

[TheDreamingCelestial]

Granted, but you have to go to Iraq, and you don't have a passport to get out.

i would actually like that. i have some people that i would like to meet there, and also i have some friends living in this side of the border who i am pretty sure could snuggle me up back :)

(of course there is the risk of getting captured by kurdish rebels fighting against turkey, based in the norther iraqi region; or worse, being ambushed by turkey's military, who usually shoots first and than don't ask any questions later.. but none the less, i would have liked to see the rebel bases too, if the warring between two parties and continuous heavy bombardment by the turkish planes were not so intense at the moment..)

edit:


I wish I were three inches taller.


granted, but now everybody else is five inches taller, along with all the physical environment magically adjusting accordingly..

i wish i could finish all the work i need to with a blink of an eye..

[dingo]

i wish i could finish all the work i need to with a blink of an eye..

Granted, but now you have no eyes with which to blink.

I wish I wasn't going bald.

[TheDreamingCelestial]

Granted, but now you have no eyes with which to blink.

now that is corruption mister! :)

I wish I wasn't going bald.

granted, but now you have to cut your hair everyday, because if you don't they cover everywhere on your body! muhahaha

i wish i was sleeping now, and stress free too..

[dingo]

granted, but now you have to cut your hair everyday, because if you don't they cover everywhere on your body! muhahaha



It's only my head that is balding anyway. Otherwise the only difference between me and a wookie is height.

[HouseSolo]

now that is corruption mister! :)



granted, but now you have to cut your hair everyday, because if you don't they cover everywhere on your body! muhahaha

i wish i was sleeping now, and stress free too..

Granted, but you miss an old woman's phone call who dialed the wrong number offering you a million dollar reward for finding her lost cat. Now shes' realized she's dialed the wrong number, and you get nothing.

I wish college was free.

[mattx110]

Granted, but you miss an old woman's phone call who dialed the wrong number offering you a million dollar reward for finding her lost cat. Now shes' realized she's dialed the wrong number, and you get nothing.

I wish college was free.
Granted, but President Bush is your history and economics professor. Also, college textbooks now printed on foreign kids.

I wish I were the Doctor.

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted, but President Bush is your history and economics professor. Also, college textbooks now printed on foreign kids.

I wish I were the Doctor.

Granted, but this time the Daleks win.

I wish the Celtics had won tonight's game.

[mattx110]

Granted, but this time the Daleks win.

I wish the Celtics had won tonight's game.
Me too... But they'd still have to play another game, because all the newspaper's printed "LAKERS PUSH TO GAME 6" headlines anyway.

I wish I had the power to read minds.

[Dr. Banner]

Granted, but you soon become despondent and even suicidal upon finding out all the horrible things people think about you on a regular basis.

I wish I had an infinite number of incorruptable wishing at my disposal or a time machine.

[Josh S]

Granted, but you soon become despondent and even suicidal upon finding out all the horrible things people think about you on a regular basis.

I wish I had an infinite number of incorruptable wishing at my disposal or a time machine.

Granted, but upon receiving this you die.

I wish DJ Screw had never died.

[PatrickG]

Granted, but upon receiving this you die.

I wish DJ Screw had never died.

Granted. He's now a transexual adult contemporary folk singer who's released half a dozen sex tapes with Art Garfunkel.

I wish I had the super-power to retroactively undo human deaths at will.

[TheDreamingCelestial]

I wish I had the super-power to retroactively undo human deaths at will.

granted, but they all come back as brain eating rotten zombies.. (this was an easy one).

i wish i practiced martial arts as a profession..

[PatrickG]

granted, but they all come back as brain eating rotten zombies.. (this was an easy one).

i wish i practiced martial arts as a profession..

(Does that really work with retroactively undoing a death? Oh well.)

Anyway...

Granted. Unfortunately, any part of ANY human being you EVER touch with your fingers or toes (including yourself) rots for a one square inch radius around the contact point and instantly falls off.

I wish Rachel McAdams fell madly in love with me courtesy of my perfect physical health and unrivaled intellect.

[Gary Joyce]

Granted she falls in love so much she decides you should have a suicide pact like Romeo and Juliet and she poisons a meal she cooked for both of you.

I wish that beer was actually good for you.

[PatrickG]

Granted she falls in love so much she decides you should have a suicide pact like Romeo and Juliet and she poisons a meal she cooked for both of you.

I wish that beer was actually good for you.

Granted. A single can of beer will purge your body of any toxins and free radicals and even cure cancer. But more than two beers a day and you die.

I wish I had a job writing JLA for DC.

[Gilda Dent]

Granted, but it's drawn by Rob Leifeld.

I wish I had a complete set of D&B girly bags and accessories in every available color.

[DrewTheXenocide]

Granted, but it's drawn by Rob Leifeld.

I wish I had a complete set of D&B girly bags and accessories in every available color.

Granted. They're all five dollar knock-offs from Chinatown.

I wish I had Brad Pitt Fight Club abs.

[Demon wizard]

Granted. They're all five dollar knock-offs from Chinatown.

I wish I had Brad Pitt Fight Club abs.

Granted, but you get Rosie O'donnalds everything else.

i wish that whoever replies to this would drop dead before they could corrupt this wish.

[Gilda Dent]

Granted, but you get Rosie O'donnalds everything else.

i wish that whoever replies to this would drop dead before they could corrupt this wish.

Granted, but . . .

[Gilda drops dead]

brains . . . brains . . . braaiiinnnsss

[zombie Gilda eats Demon wizard's brain]

Gilda want . . . brains.

[Winslow]

Granted, but . . .

[Gilda drops dead]

brains . . . brains . . . braaiiinnnsss

[zombie Gilda eats Demon wizard's brain]

Gilda want . . . brains.

Granted, but you're stuck with me and like the scarecrow from Oz, I don't have one, so you go hungry

I wish Usagi Yojimbo Trade #22 (Tamoe's Story) would come out this month rather than next.

[Matt Algren]

Granted, but you're a poor teacher so you can't afford it anyway.

I wish I were on vacation right now.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but you're stuck with me and like the scarecrow from Oz, I don't have one, so you go hungry

I wish Usagi Yojimbo Trade #22 (Tamoe's Story) would come out this month rather than next.

Granted but it sells out in 2.5 minutes never to be reprinted again, and all the copies sponatniously combust and the origianal issues and art work wind up as ticker tape.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

[Winslow]

I wish I were on vacation right now.

Granted.

You're at a hotel in the Caribbean with a bunch of hot buff pretty men by a pool. But they're all straight.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

Granted, but they are three sizes too small.


I wish I could clear up the confusion in my head.

[jessecuster3]

Granted, but they are three sizes too small.


I wish I could clear up the confusion in my head.

Granted, but now its in your pants.


I wish today's work day was over.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but now its in your pants.


I wish today's work day was over.

granted, but for this brief reprieve, after today, the work day never ends. You work 24/7 365 from today on.

I wish I could fly.

[mattx110]

granted, but for this brief reprieve, after today, the work day never ends. You work 24/7 365 from today on.

I wish I could fly.
Granted, but taking off requires eating meerkat eyeballs

I wish I had a really cool hat.

[Matt Algren]

granted, but for this brief reprieve, after today, the work day never ends. You work 24/7 365 from today on.

I wish I could fly.
Granted, but you're R. Kelly, so you like pissing on little girls and stuff.

I wish my lawn never needed to be mowed again.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but you're R. Kelly, so you like pissing on little girls and stuff.

I wish my lawn never needed to be mowed again.

Granted, but you lose all your hair on your head and it's replaced by grass, that can only be cut with a lawnmower. You have to be very careful cutting your hair, or look like a chia pet for the rest of your life.

I wish the Shulmaker batman movies were never made.

[heretic]

Granted, but you lose all your hair on your head and it's replaced by grass, that can only be cut with a lawnmower. You have to be very careful cutting your hair, or look like a chia pet for the rest of your life.

I wish the Shulmaker batman movies were never made.Congratulations, Uwe Boll did them instead.

I wish I had a new car.

HTG

[dingo]

I wish the Shulmaker batman movies were never made.

Really and genuinely granted. I have no idea who Shulmaker is, but the Schumacher ones still exist.

I wish I was long lived, say a few million years of mid twenties youth.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

I wish I was long lived, say a few million years of mid twenties youth.
granted, but you're a tree..
I wish I had a new car.
granted but gas is $4 a gallon...oh...right...$4 a gallon and rising.

I wish I knew how to spell all movie director's names corectly.

[jessecuster3]

granted, but you're a tree..

granted but gas is $4 a gallon...oh...right...$4 a gallon and rising.

I wish I knew how to spell all movie director's names corectly.

Granted but now the only director is spelled Uwe Boll.


I wish I was a little bit taller.

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted but now the only director is spelled Uwe Boll.


I wish I was a little bit taller.

Granted, but you aren't a baller, and you don't have a girl who looks good, so you can't call her.

I wish American society truly valued education.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted but now the only director is spelled Uwe Boll.


I wish I was a little bit taller.

granted but all the height is in your forehead. You're a whole foot taller, but...forehead.


I wish American society truly valued education.

Granted, but people become lifetime students, never becoming productive in industry.


I wish I could talk to fish telepathically and breathe under water.

[DrewTheXenocide]

granted but all the height is in your forehead. You're a whole foot taller, but...forehead.




Granted, but people become lifetime students, never becoming productive in industry.


I wish I could talk to fish telepathically and breathe under water.

Granted, but your new name is "Seaman."

I wish I could think of original jokes.

[dingo]

Granted, but your new name is "Seaman."

I wish I could think of original jokes.

Granted, but they are only in the form of "you know you're a redneck when _______".


I wish I had a pony.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but they are only in the form of "you know you're a redneck when _______".


I wish I had a pony.

Granted but it only has two legs,(front right and hind left) and is missing all it's teeth.

i wish I had super speed.

[Demon wizard]

Granted but it only has two legs,(front right and hind left) and is missing all it's teeth.

i wish I had super speed.

Granted, you can know run an 10x times the speed of sound, but the first time you start running you trip, fall, and your head is disintegrated on impact with the pavement.
i wish everyone knew my name

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, you can know run an 10x times the speed of sound, but the first time you start running you trip, fall, and your head is disintegrated on impact with the pavement.
i wish everyone knew my name

granted, but you're the most hated man in the universe.

I wish I was immune to all ilnesses.

[Winslow]

I wish I was immune to all ilnesses.

Granted, but now you're the only one left on earth after an apocalyptic pestilence.

I wish I was in New England right now.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but the Celtics lose to the lakers, and their stadium explodes. The Patriots and the Bruins are in the stadium at the time, the redsox are too.

I wish that wouldn't happen.

[Winslow]

I wish that wouldn't happen.

GRANTED: It didn't happen, but now you have to put up with obnoxious New England sports fans for the rest of your life.

I wish I could find some time to be creative again.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

GRANTED: It didn't happen, but now you have to put up with obnoxious New England sports fans for the rest of your life.

I wish I could find some time to be creative again.

Granted, but you become trapped in your own creativity...burried by mountains of paper.canvas, stone, clay, pencils, pens, paint brushes what have you, and your forced to burn it all to escape.

I wish my brother george was here.

[jessecuster3]

GRANTED: It didn't happen, but now you have to put up with obnoxious New England sports fans for the rest of your life.

I wish I could find some time to be creative again.

Granted, but now you are permanently unemployed.




I wish I made twice my salary.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but now you are permanently unemployed.




I wish I made twice my salary.

granted but now your expense have grown 500 percent.

I wish I was never born.

[Dr. Banner]

Granted, you've just been living inside your mother's womb all these years.


I wish for to set the wish genie free.

[Demon wizard]

Granted, the genie is free to kill innocents all over the world, you being the first

i wish my computer didn't suck

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, the genie is free to kill innocents all over the world, you being the first

i wish my computer didn't suck

granted...now it just blows(not in the "good" way.)
blows up. (like in live free or die hard.)

I wish I wissh witj all my heart, to live with dragons in a land apart.

[jessecuster3]

granted...now it just blows(not in the "good" way.)
blows up. (like in live free or die hard.)

I wish I wissh witj all my heart, to live with dragons in a land apart.

Granted but now you are a 2d picture in a fantasy book, that noone reads.




I wish this wasn't so cynical.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted but now you are a 2d picture in a fantasy book, that noone reads.




I wish this wasn't so cynical.

Granted, but without your cynicism you are constantly disappointed in life, yet and fail to learn any valuable life lessons.

I wish those days, would, come back once more.

[Donald M.]

Granted, but without your cynicism you are constantly disappointed in life, yet and fail to learn any valuable life lessons.

I wish those days, would, come back once more.

Granted. Because you weren't specific, the days that come back are the worst of your life and you have to relive them over and over unchanging for all eternity.

I wish I could have a hot time in the old town tonight.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted. Because you weren't specific, the days that come back are the worst of your life and you have to relive them over and over unchanging for all eternity.

I wish I could have a hot time in the old town tonight.

Granted but the old town is hell and the hot time fire fire burning you flesh, but it's okay, it's only for tonight.

ai wish I knew everything I know now when I was a child.

[DrewTheXenocide]

Granted but the old town is hell and the hot time fire fire burning you flesh, but it's okay, it's only for tonight.

ai wish I knew everything I know now when I was a child.
To the OP:

This was a really good idea for a thread. Kudos.

Anyway, your wish is granted, but it makes you overly cynical at the age of five and no one wants to talk to you.

I wish I could play guitar like Jimmy Page.

[PatrickG]

To the OP:

This was a really good idea for a thread. Kudos.

Anyway, your wish is granted, but it makes you overly cynical at the age of five and no one wants to talk to you.

I wish I could play guitar like Jimmy Page.

Granted but you're now a Catholic priest scheduled to play for the Pope by command appearance and you can only play the guitar with an extra two hands that have replaced your genitals.

I wish I had x-ray vision.

[Donald M.]

I wish I had x-ray vision.

Granted. Using your new power causes you blinding migraines and gradually robs you of normal sight, all so you can look at people's bones and sort of kind of see through walls. And give them cancer.


I wish I were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation.

[DubipR]

I wish I were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation.

Congrats, you now own Halliburton and the world wants your ass dead.

I wish cats could talk.

[Donald M.]

Congrats, you now own Halliburton and the world wants your ass dead.


Okay, what's the down side?


I wish cats could talk.

Granted, but they never shut up and dozens of them follow you everywhere. Everywhere!

I wish dogs could really play poker, because that would be cool.

[Demon wizard]

Granted, but due to your inexperiance in reading dog facial expressions you loose all you money in a dog poker match and are killed by the kanine mafia when you cannot pay them back.
I just noticrd that most of my wish franting involves someone dieing. I'd make an awesome god.

I wish i were a god.

[Anodyne]

I wish dogs could really play poker, because that would be cool.

They can, but they cheat and you lose a bundle and have to go to a loan shark to pay your gambling debts.:evilsmile:

I wish I could sing on-key.

[Donald M.]

Granted, but due to your inexperiance in reading dog facial expressions you loose all you money in a dog poker match and are killed by the kanine mafia when you cannot pay them back.
I just noticrd that most of my wish franting involves someone dieing. I'd make an awesome god.

I wish i were a god.

Granted. You are now Sterquilinus, Roman God of Manure.

I wish I were dead.

[Donald M.]

I wish I could sing on-key.

Granted, but singing off-key is now considered the correct way to sing. When you audition for the new American Idol you are pelted with rocks and driven into the street, were you are mauled by wild boars then struck by lightning. Then you die.

Seriously, I totally wish I was dead. No one would care anyway.

[Anodyne]

Seriously, I totally wish I was dead. No one would care anyway.

Okay, but now you'll never get to hear all the nice things your guilt-ridden relatives say about you now that you're dead. Worse, you discover that there is an afterlife. And you don't like it.

[DrewTheXenocide]

Okay, but now you'll never get to hear all the nice things your guilt-ridden relatives say about you now that you're dead. Worse, you discover that there is an afterlife. And you don't like it.

Your lack of a wish means that you get everything, ever. Except something happens that makes it not worth it.

I wish I got paid more than minimum wage.

[Pól Rua]

Your lack of a wish means that you get everything, ever. Except something happens that makes it not worth it.

I wish I got paid more than minimum wage.

And like that *poof!* they lower the minimum wage.
Bastards!

I wish I'd come up with a suitable wish before posting this.

[Michael P]

And like that *poof!* they lower the minimum wage.
Bastards!

I wish I'd come up with a suitable wish before posting this.

Done, but someone ironically twisted it to cause you suffering and/or humiliation.

I wish I were this clever all the time.

[StoneGold]

Done, but someone ironically twisted it to cause you suffering and/or humiliation.

I wish I were this clever all the time.

Problem is, only you really thought that was clever.

I wish I had a turkey sandwich.

[Pól Rua]

Problem is, only you really thought that was clever.

I wish I had a turkey sandwich.

Sex with two Turkeys? There's a NAME for that?
DAMN YOU INTERNET!!!

I wish I was being genitally tortured by a Central American Death Squad.
Let's see someone corrupt that without making it more pleasant.

[Ptrvc]

Sex with two Turkeys? There's a NAME for that?
DAMN YOU INTERNET!!!

I wish I was being genitally tortured by a Central American Death Squad.
Let's see someone corrupt that without making it more pleasant.

Granted, then if grows back as a pineapple. Which eventually starts to rot.

I wish for exactly what I want

[dingo]

Granted, then if grows back as a pineapple. Which eventually starts to rot.

I wish for exactly what I want

Granted, and as a human with no desires, you soon want to die, which you also get.


I wish I had some cranberry juice.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, and as a human with no desires, you soon want to die, which you also get.


I wish I had some cranberry juice.

Granted, but it has a lethal dose of arsenic in it, hope it was worth it.

I wish I had a dollar for all the wishes people make.

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted, but it has a lethal dose of arsenic in it, hope it was worth it.

I wish I had a dollar for all the wishes people make.

Granted, but because of your wish, there are now so many dollar bills in circulation that the dollar becomes worthless.

I wish I had a bin full of three cubic acres of money, so I could dive in it like a porpoise, burrow through it like a gopher, and toss it up and let it hit me on the head.

[StoneGold]

Granted, but because of your wish, there are now so many dollar bills in circulation that the dollar becomes worthless.

I wish I had a bin full of three cubic acres of money, so I could dive in it like a porpoise, burrow through it like a gopher, and toss it up and let it hit me on the head.

Swimming through money causes prostate and anal cancer.


I wish the new Firefox would download.

[mattx110]

Swimming through money causes prostate and anal cancer.


I wish the new Firefox would download.
It does, but it comes with a free russian massage. Trust me, it's a bad massage.

I wish I could juggle 4 balls.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

It does, but it comes with a free russian massage. Trust me, it's a bad massage.

I wish I could juggle 4 balls.

Granted, but they're nads, and you have to use your tongue.

I wish I didn't have such a dirty mind.

[Spike-X]

I wish I didn't have such a dirty mind.

Granted, but to achieve this you have to be lobotomised to the point where you think Nickelback is the best band ever and shitty reality shows and celebrity gossip are the pinnacle of entertainment.



I wish the things I mentioned above would just go away.

[dingo]

Granted, but to achieve this you have to be lobotomised to the point where you think Nickelback is the best band ever and shitty reality shows and celebrity gossip are the pinnacle of entertainment.



I wish the things I mentioned above would just go away.

Granted, but they are very quickly replaced with something just as banal.

I wish I could get to sleep.

[Spike-X]

Granted, but they are very quickly replaced with something just as banal.

I wish I could get to sleep.
Granted.

But you sleep for three days straight, and when you wake up you've soiled and wet the bed. Repeatedly.

I wish I could get that disgusting image out of my head now.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted.

But you sleep for three days straight, and when you wake up you've soiled and wet the bed. Repeatedly.

I wish I could get that disgusting image out of my head now.

granted, it's out of you head, but...what's that wet squishy stuff in your bed? ewww

I wish I could travel through time.

[Matt Algren]

granted, it's out of you head, but...what's that wet squishy stuff in your bed? ewww

I wish I could travel through time.
Welcome to the Barbie Girl (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEzh10_xoqw) music video shoot, where your time machine gets stuck on a three minute repeat. Forever.

I wish I didn't have these moobs.

[StoneGold]

Welcome to the Barbie Girl (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEzh10_xoqw) music video shoot, where your time machine gets stuck on a three minute repeat. Forever.

I wish I didn't have these moobs.

You now have a magina.

I wish I hadn't just invented the word magina.

[Demon wizard]

You now have a magina.

I wish I hadn't just invented the word magina.

Granted, but now you are credited with the invention of Nazism despite any facts or logic that say otherwise.

I wish my cell phone worked

[Michael P]

Granted, but now you are credited with the invention of Nazism despite any facts or logic that say otherwise.

I wish my cell phone worked

Done. Unfortunately, you now live in the universe of Stephen King's Cell.

I wish I were a crewman on the Federation starship Enterprise.

[Joe Rice]

Done. Unfortunately, you now live in the universe of Stephen King's Cell.

I wish I were a crewman on the Federation starship Enterprise.

Granted, unfortunately your shirt is red and your name is neither Scotty nor Uhura.

I wish I had someone to take care of my sick ass!

[StoneGold]

I wish I had someone to take care of my sick ass!

I'd be careful with my choice of words. Ever see Deliverance?


I wish I hadn't seen that part of Deliverance.

[The Batman]

Granted, you lived it.

I wish that my creamy white ass is never churned for butter in the past and/or future.

[Michael P]

Granted, you lived it.

I wish that my creamy white ass is never churned for butter in the past and/or future.

Done. Unfortunately, it turns out there is no past or future, only this moment. And guess what's happening to you this moment.

I wish I was a Jedi Knight.

[StoneGold]

Granted, you lived it.

I wish that my creamy white ass is never churned for butter in the past and/or future.

But it is plunged like a stuck toilet.


I wish Taco Bell never discontinued the Chilitos. Those were good.

[The Batman]

Granted, now George Lucas decides everything you say, think, or do.

I wish I was George Lucas.

[Joe Rice]

Done. Unfortunately, it turns out there is no past or future, only this moment. And guess what's happening to you this moment.

I wish I was a Jedi Knight.

Granted, but you're written by George Lucas.

I wish my kids would not show up for school anymore this year.

Edit: Dang, coke to Batman.

[The Batman]

Granted, now George Lucas decides everything you say, think, or do.

I wish I was George Lucas.


I'll get this one out of the way:

Granted, enjoy the neck flab Jabba. (But the jokes on them because I've already got neck flab, ha!"

[The Batman]

Granted, but you're written by George Lucas.

I wish my kids would not show up for school anymore this year.

Edit: Dang, coke to Batman.

Granted, but it's because their parents pulled them out of your class after the police found that stuff on your hard drive.

I wish I had that Coke.

[BYC]

Granted, but it's because their parents pulled them out of your class after the police found that stuff on your hard drive.

I wish I had that Coke.
Granted, but then you realize it was Coke...2.

I wish Shaq/Kobe/Phil worked after 2004.

[stealthwise]

Granted, but then you realize it was Coke...2.

I wish Shaq/Kobe/Phil worked after 2004.

Granted, but they all worked together on a gay porno.

I wish for explosive diarrhea.

[Spike-X]

I wish for explosive diarrhea.

Granted, but it comes out of your mouth instead of your arse.

I wish I could consume all the chocolate, cake, ice cream, Coke etc I wanted without getting fat, or any other unhearthy side effects. And without having to pay money for them.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but it comes out of your mouth instead of your arse.

I wish I could consume all the chocolate, cake, ice cream, Coke etc I wanted without getting fat, or any other unhearthy side effects. And without having to pay money for them.

Granted, but your loved ones ARE the sweets you crave and you are compelled to eat them all.

I wish I was the most intelligent man in the world.

[Anodyne]

I wish I was the most intelligent man in the world.

Done, but now your friends avoid you because you're such a pedantic know-it-all.

I wish I could lose 15 pounds.

[Matt Algren]

Done, but now your friends avoid you because you're such a pedantic know-it-all.

I wish I could lose 15 pounds.
Done, but AAH, YOUR ARM'S OFF!!!

I wish I could afford a vacation.

[Schornforce]

Done, but AAH, YOUR ARM'S OFF!!!

I wish I could afford a vacation.

Granted.

But you can only afford a one-way trip to the center of Death Valley.

I wish for whirled peas.

[The Batman]

Granted but it's one of those really shitty ones where you get held for ransom by a drug cartel and get hepatitis from the ice cubes.

I wish I could write my thesis much better and much faster.

[Matt Algren]

Granted.

But you can only afford a one-way trip to the center of Death Valley.

I wish for whirled peas.
Granted, but I have a board with a nail in it.

I wish someone else would clean my fish's bowl.

[1WEBHEAD]

Granted, but I have a board with a nail in it.

I wish someone else would clean my fish's bowl.

Granted, your fish dies in the process.

I wish I had more money to get more PS3 games. . .

[Gilda Dent]

Granted, your fish dies in the process.

I wish I had more money to get more PS3 games. . .

Granted, but your PS3 develops a protection fault and won't play them.

I wish I were half an inch shorter.

[Anodyne]

Granted.

But you can only afford a one-way trip to the center of Death Valley.

I wish for whirled peas.

You got it, but now you're trapped in a vortex of whirling peas.

I wish I had my own house that I could decorate any way I choose.

[Gilda Dent]

You got it, but now you're trapped in a vortex of whirling peas.

I wish I had my own house that I could decorate any way I choose.

Granted. Your copy of Sims 2 is on the way.

I wish my hair were naturally jet black.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted. Your copy of Sims 2 is on the way.

I wish my hair were naturally jet black.

granted, now you're the girl in the well from the ring.

I wish I could breathe in outer space.

[Matt Algren]

granted, now you're the girl in the well from the ring.

I wish I could breathe in outer space.
Granted, but too bad you can't breathe in Earth's oxygen and you don't have any way to get to space.

I wish the pop machine weren't out of Pepsi. I really, really do.

[Gilda Dent]

Granted, but too bad you can't breathe in Earth's oxygen and you don't have any way to get to space.

I wish the pop machine weren't out of Pepsi. I really, really do.

Granted, but when you try to buy one, it gets jammed in the machine.

I wish my cat hat naturally purple fur.

[The Batman]

Granted, but now it has fallen prey to an unending stream of ghetto-fabulous pimps seeking to add it's fine violet pelt to their wardrobe.

I wish for Matt's free, stuck Pepsi cola to become unstuck and mine.

[Matt Algren]

Granted, but now it has fallen prey to an unending stream of ghetto-fabulous pimps seeking to add it's fine violet pelt to their wardrobe.

I wish for Matt's free, stuck Pepsi cola to become unstuck and mine.
Granted, but you just got the business end of my butter knife because I really want some Pepsi. Condolences to your familly.

I wish work was closer to home.

[The Batman]

Granted, but your house is haunted by my ghost and your conscience over my pepsi related murder.

I wish Matt hadn't murdered me with a butter knife.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but your house is haunted by my ghost and your conscience over my pepsi related murder.

I wish Matt hadn't murdered me with a butter knife.

granted, but the pepsi you drank was poisoned.

I wish there was a good movie coming out this weekend(Love Guru and Get Smart look horrible.)

[mattx110]

granted, but the pepsi you drank was poisoned.

I wish there was a good movie coming out this weekend(Love Guru and Get Smart look horrible.)
Granted, but since you already figured Get Smart would suck, you don't see it.

loser.

I wish I were right.

[The Batman]

Granted, but Get Smart is the ONLY good movie that's made. Ever again.

I wish I could get my thesis done better and faster still.

[stealthwise]

Granted, but Get Smart is the ONLY good movie that's made. Ever again.

I wish I could get my thesis done better and faster still.

Done, but it's written in a dead language and is untranslatable.

I wish for a dirty penny that gives me uncurable gonorrhea out of every orifice, causing my spleen and brain to rupture and leak all of my bodily fluids over a long, painful period.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Done, but it's written in a dead language and is untranslatable.

I wish for a dirty penny that gives me uncurable gonorrhea out of every orifice, causing my spleen and brain to rupture and leak all of my bodily fluids over a long, painful period.

Granted, but though it's incurable, it is treatable, the treatment steam, steam blown directly into your eyes, constantly, so you don't have to live with the pain inflected by gonorhea, but steam blown into your eyes 24/7 for the rest of your life, which is somehow 3 times as long as the average human due to the gonorrhea.

I wish I was a dinosaur.

[Matt Algren]

Granted, but though it's incurable, it is treatable, the treatment steam, steam blown directly into your eyes, constantly, so you don't have to live with the pain inflected by gonorhea, but steam blown into your eyes 24/7 for the rest of your life, which is somehow 3 times as long as the average human due to the gonorrhea.

I wish I was a dinosaur.
Done, but now you work in the Flintstone's bathroom, giving showers to Fred. Not Wilma, definitely not Betty. Just Fred.

I wish I had a new car.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Done, but now you work in the Flintstone's bathroom, giving showers to Fred. Not Wilma, definitely not Betty. Just Fred.

I wish I had a new car.

Granted, you have a new Porsche, hot off the assembly line, but you're a crash dummy and well, you're going top speed into a brickwall, but hey you have an air bag and a seat belt. so you know...there's hope.

I wish the economy didn't suck.

[HouseSolo]

Granted, you have a new Porsche, hot off the assembly line, but you're a crash dummy and well, you're going top speed into a brickwall, but hey you have an air bag and a seat belt. so you know...there's hope.

I wish the economy didn't suck.

Granted, but the government suspects you to be a terrorist and throws you into the middle east, leaving you unable to enjoy our newfound money.

I wish healthy food tasted better.

[stealthwise]

Granted, but the government suspects you to be a terrorist and throws you into the middle east, leaving you unable to enjoy our newfound money.

I wish healthy food tasted better.

You got it, but upon eating it, you find out that it's been altered to taste like your new favourite thing... horse semen.

I wish I had a new dog.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

You got it, but upon eating it, you find out that it's been altered to taste like your new favourite thing... horse semen.

I wish I had a new dog.

Granted, but it only eats human flesh. And well...it was nice knowing you.

I wish I had all the powers of superman(times infinity), but none of his weaknesses.

[HouseSolo]

Granted, but you kill your wife when you have sex, go insane, and destroy the world.

I wish mechanics didn't try and fix things on your car that don't really need fixing.

[Matt Algren]

Granted, but you kill your wife when you have sex, go insane, and destroy the world.

I wish mechanics didn't try and fix things on your car that don't really need fixing.
Granted, but now you never get your air filter changed.

I wish I was at home right now.

[mattx110]

Granted, but now you never get your air filter changed.

I wish I was at home right now.
Grated, wherever you are rightnow, is home.

I wish I wasn't so dreamy.

[HouseSolo]

Granted, now you're a leper.

I wish I had a better job.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, now you're a leper.

I wish I had a better job.

granted, you found your dream job, but they only pay you in fish heads.

I wish machines ran on solar power.

[Joe Rice]

granted, you found your dream job, but they only pay you in fish heads.

I wish machines ran on solar power.

Granted, but the sun just went nova.

I wish it were Friday.

[mattx110]

Granted, but the sun just went nova.

I wish it were Friday.
Granted, it's last friday, enjoy this week again.


I wish i could rock!

[HouseSolo]

Granted, it's last friday, enjoy this week again.


I wish i could rock!

Granted, but now you go on a drug binge, and OD.

I wish the work week was only 4 days long.

[KrymynalChylde]

Granted, but now the weekend is only 12 hours long.

I wish I had a godamn hamburger

[stealthwise]

Granted, but now the weekend is only 12 hours long.

I wish I had a godamn hamburger

Granted, but because the burger has been damned by God, so you go straight to Hell after suffering a heart attack once you swallow the last bite.

I wish I had irrefutable proof that God doesn't exist.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but because the burger has been damned by God, so you go straight to Hell after suffering a heart attack once you swallow the last bite.

I wish I had irrefutable proof that God doesn't exist.

Granted, but the entire population of the planet now looks to you for all wisdom, direction and grace. Except for the ones that want you dead.

I wish I was more motivated to complete the things I start.

[Tommy]

I wish I was more motivated to complete the things I start.

Granted! But you will never be motivated to start something again.

I wish that I could make anyone fall in love with me, but only if I choose to make them fall in love with me.

[Gilda Dent]

Granted! But you will never be motivated to start something again.

I wish that I could make anyone fall in love with me, but only if I choose to make them fall in love with me.

Granted, but anyone affected falls in love with not just you, but everyone they meet.

I wish I had a domestic robot.

[Tommy]

I wish I had a domestic robot.

Granted! But the robot is going to go on strike immediately for more money.

I wish I had a 2 foot tall pet elephant.

[Michael P]

Granted! But the robot is going to go on strike immediately for more money.

I wish I had a 2 foot tall pet elephant.

Done. He eats and shits as much as a regular size one, though.

I wish I had an extra 10 grand in my checking account that the IRS didn't care about.

[Gilda Dent]

Done. He eats and shits as much as a regular size one, though.

I wish I had an extra 10 grand in my checking account that the IRS didn't care about.

Granted. The IRS doesn't care . . . but Homeland Security does. Welcome to Guantanamo!

I wish my progesterone pills were pink instead of yellow.

[Tommy]

I wish my progesterone pills were pink instead of yellow.

Granted. But it is due to a malfunctioning of the dye. Accordingly your skin is now neon pink and glows in the dark.

I wish that there really were flying monkeys.

[Gilda Dent]

Granted. But it is due to a malfunctioning of the dye. Accordingly your skin is now neon pink and glows in the dark.

That's not corrupting it, that's making the wish even more awesome.

I wish that there really were flying monkeys.

Granted. They fly on planes and in space capsules, as they always have.

I wish I could beat the final set of races in Ridge Racer 6.

[Valmore]

I wish I could beat the final set of races in Ridge Racer 6.

Sure, I can make that happen. However, as soon as you finish the last race the game completely cuts off before any cool cut scenes or plot developments or grand finales and, since you didn't save, you're forced to try and do it all over again.

I wish I could slam dunk a basketball on a regulation-height rim.

[carabas]

Granted. Good luck with your new carreer as 2,6 meters circus freak.

I want a Utopia: I wish to become the most vile, pathetic, apathetic, unhealthy, stupid, obnoxious, violent, poor, smelly, lazy, vain human being on earth. But you can't change a thing about me, and you can't reduce the Earth's population to 1.

[Joe Rice]

Granted. Good luck with your new carreer as 2,6 meters circus freak.

I want a Utopia: I wish to become the most vile, pathetic, apathetic, unhealthy, stupid, obnoxious, violent, poor, smelly, lazy, vain human being on earth. But you can't change a thing about me, and you can't reduce the Earth's population to 1.

To create this Utopia, they shoot you into space.

I wish these stomach cramps would go away.

[Tommy]

I wish these stomach cramps would go away.

Granted. But it is because doctor's remove your stomach. Congratulations on never eating again.

I wish I could have a cat in my apartment.

[b..]

Granted. But it is because doctor's remove your stomach. Congratulations on never eating again.

I wish I could have a cat in my apartment.

granted; good luck with that adult siberian tiger.

i wish for goodwill on earth, and peace for all men. and women.

[Matt Algren]

granted; good luck with that adult siberian tiger.

i wish for goodwill on earth, and peace for all men. and women.
Granted, but I still have that board with a nail in it.

I wisih my mortgage company would quit f'ing me in the a.

[The Batman]

Granted, now they're just f'ing you in the mouth, ear, and eye.

I wish Countdown hadn't sucked or that, at least, I hadn't stuck through with it.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, now they're just f'ing you in the mouth, ear, and eye.

I wish Countdown hadn't sucked or that, at least, I hadn't stuck through with it.

Granted, but whatever happened in Countdown is completely ignored for Final Crisis. ..wait..oh.

I wish Comic Books didn't cost the same price as a gallon of gas.

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted, but whatever happened in Countdown is completely ignored for Final Crisis. ..wait..oh.

I wish Comic Books didn't cost the same price as a gallon of gas.

Granted, now comic books cost the same price as half a gallon of gas.

I wish I didn't have aches and pains all over my body.

[Gilda Dent]

Granted, now comic books cost the same price as half a gallon of gas.

I wish I didn't have aches and pains all over my body.

Granted. You are now paralyzed from the neck down.

I wish Justice League Unlimited had gotten one more season.

[Winslow]

I wish Justice League Unlimited had gotten one more season.

Granted, but now the character designs are based on Liefeld sketches

I wish I could relive June 14th over again.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but now the character designs are based on Liefeld sketches

I wish I could relive June 14th over again.

Granted, but...ever see a movie called Groundhog Day?

I wish I a has cheezburger.

[HouseSolo]

Granted, but...ever see a movie called Groundhog Day?

I wish I a has cheezburger.

Granted, but it's rotten pigeon meat.

I wish I had more storage space in my house.

[Gary Joyce]

Granted, but it's rotten pigeon meat.

I wish I had more storage space in my house.

Granted, Burglars will constantly rob you ensuring you keep your storage space.

I wish Lucy Liu was my wife

[Matt Algren]

Granted, Burglars will constantly rob you ensuring you keep your storage space.

I wish Lucy Liu was my wife
Granted, but now Lucy Liu is your wife.

I wish I had an awesome story to go with this little scar on my knuckle.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, Burglars will constantly rob you ensuring you keep your storage space.

I wish Lucy Liu was my wife

Granted but she loses all her money and fame, gets depressed and gains 200 lbs, and has blames you for all of it.

I wish it was 70 degrees and sunny all year long. (and rained enough to keep a balance so no droughts or famine would occur.)

[Sir Tim Drake]

Granted, but now Lucy Liu is your wife.

I wish I had an awesome story to go with this little scar on my knuckle.

Granted. The story involves an alien abduction complete with anal probing.

I wish it was 70 degrees and sunny all year long. (and rained enough to keep a balance so no droughts or famine would occur.)

Granted. But now it doesn't snow anymore, so you can no longer enjoy the simple pleasure of building a snow fort or making a snow angel, and also, the Mighty and Awful Snow Demons are pissed at you.

I wish I had an imaginary friend.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish I had an imaginary friend.

Granted, but here come the men in white coats.


I wish I could get a higher paycheck.

[Valmore]

Granted, but here come the men in white coats.


I wish I could get a higher paycheck.

Your wish is my command. Henceforth, your paycheck each payday will be placed at the top of the highest building in the world, which is currently the Burj Dubai in the Middle East. Did I mention you'll have to rappel up the side of the building to get it?

I wish Donald Trump's hair would die.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish Donald Trump's hair would die.

Alakazam! But it's final resting place is now on your back.

I wish DC would collect Hitman.

[BYC]

Your wish is my command. Henceforth, your paycheck each payday will be placed at the top of the highest building in the world, which is currently the Burj Dubai in the Middle East. Did I mention you'll have to rappel up the side of the building to get it?

I wish Donald Trump's hair would die.
Granted, but then it would come back as an undead hair piece, terrorizing us for generations.

I wish I had a superhero level hot girlfriend. (been staring at new Gamora's ass)

[The Batman]

Granted, but she's still a drawing and you're still the perv rubbing one out to funny book drawings.

I wish that my hangover tomorrow is relatively short lived and managable.

[kitty_tc_69]

I wish I could fly.

Sure, you can fly. But you can't land safely.

I wish I were dead.

You are. Welcome to Hell. :evilsmile:

I wish I were doomed.

[stealthwise]

I wish I were doomed.

Granted, but you live a long, healthy life for decades before you meet that doom, make it all that much worse when it finally comes. Unfortunately, you're also unable to enjoy your life because of that impending doom. The final stab at your heart occurs when you realize you wasted an awesome life fretting about an atrocious ending that is now coming to pass.

I wish I could fall asleep soundly and without any nightmares, waking up refreshed tomorrow.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but you live a long, healthy life for decades before you meet that doom, make it all that much worse when it finally comes. Unfortunately, you're also unable to enjoy your life because of that impending doom. The final stab at your heart occurs when you realize you wasted an awesome life fretting about an atrocious ending that is now coming to pass.

I wish I could fall asleep soundly and without any nightmares, waking up refreshed tomorrow.

granted but you don't wake up until 11:59 pm enjoying one minute of tomorrowness.

I Wish George W Bush spoke coherently and eloquently.

[Valmore]

I Wish George W Bush spoke coherently and eloquently.

Granted. George W. Bush is now such an effective speaker that he manages to convince everyone to get rid of Presidential term limits, gets the nomination from McCain, defeats Obama, and then screws up the country some more for another 4 years.

I wish the Smurfs were never created.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted. George W. Bush is now such an effective speaker that he manages to convince everyone to get rid of Presidential term limits, gets the nomination from McCain, defeats Obama, and then screws up the country some more for another 4 years.

I wish the Smurfs were never created.

Granted, thanks for all th extra rainbow bright, my little pony, cabbage patch kids, and raggedy anne and andy on your shildhood saturday morning programming block, effectively eliminate SPider-man and his amazing friends incredible hulk, thundarr the barbarian, tranformers and GI Joe. Also the smurfs helped to supress the Belgian Uprising of 1958...without them the world is doomed.
Thanks...

I wish the blue man group walked around with white pants and skull caps.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish the blue man group walked around with white pants and skull caps.

Done, but any town they perform in now gets trampled by a 100-foot Gargamel.

I wish my dog hadn't died.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Done, but any town they perform in now gets trampled by a 100-foot Gargamel.

I wish my dog hadn't died.

Granted, but the dog is just in a doggie coma, between lif and death, when resuscitated , it gains human sentience and the desire to explore, he's living happily as the first dog astronaut and is the first inhabitant of mars.

I wish I lived on Mars, becuase it can sustain human life, with an oxygen filled atmosphere and drinkable water.

[The Batman]

Granted. But you didn't bring anything along with you and there's no vegetation or wildlife to speak so you're forced to eat first Yucca Flats' dog, raw, and then possibly parts of yourself to survive.

I wish for the power to grant wishes to anybody I want, including myself. And with none of that trapped in a bottle genie crap either.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish for the power to grant wishes to anybody I want, including myself. And with none of that trapped in a bottle genie crap either.

Granted, but all your wishes must be made exclusively on this thread.


I wish I had my own place.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Granted, but all your wishes must be made exclusively on this thread.


I wish I had my own place.

Granted, you own a plot of land, very small and live in a wooden cabin.
Too bad it's 6 feet under ground.

I wish I kept my room cleaner.

[socool8520]

Granted, you own a plot of land, very small and live in a wooden cabin.
Too bad it's 6 feet under ground.

I wish I kept my room cleaner.

But then you realize you can't find anything anymore. aaaaahhhh!!!!

I wish i was the sexiest man alive

[Michael P]

But then you realize you can't find anything anymore. aaaaahhhh!!!!

I wish i was the sexiest man alive

http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/7403/lastmanop5.jpg

I wish I had copies of the new Fables and Y trades right now.

[DonC]

Hope you can read Swahili.

I wish I had a hammer. I'd hammer in the morning. I'd hammer in the evening. All over this land.

[kitty_tc_69]

Hope you can read Swahili.

I wish I had a hammer. I'd hammer in the morning. I'd hammer in the evening. All over this land.

http://www.danielgrissom.com/mc-hammer.jpg

Granted.

[Demon wizard]

Since you made no wish of your own, i simply give you super AIDS, which causes one to piss and vomit broken glass constantly, but makes you immortal.

I wish Stephen King's new stuff was a good as his older stuff.

[kitty_tc_69]

Since you made no wish of your own, i simply give you super AIDS, which causes one to piss and vomit broken glass constantly, but makes you immortal.

I wish Stephen King's new stuff was a good as his older stuff.

I wish I hadn't forgotten to make a wish of my own.

[Sir Tim Drake]

I wish I hadn't forgotten to make a wish of my own.

Granted. Your wish was "I wish I was dead."

I wish I had a cute fluffy kitty.

[socool8520]

Granted. Your wish was "I wish I was dead."

I wish I had a cute fluffy kitty.

Except it was huge kitten that clawed you to death, in a cute way of course.

i wish i could fly

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Except it was huge kitten that clawed you to death, in a cute way of course.

i wish i could fly

granted, but you have to pay to stow your luggage, and for in flight food and drinks.

I wish I could dance.

[Donald M.]

I wish I could dance.

So go ahead and dance. No one's stoppin' ya! (That was an easy wish.)

I wish I had a buck fitty.

[Demon wizard]

So go ahead and dance. No one's stoppin' ya! (That was an easy wish.)

I wish I had a buck fitty.

Granted, but ot get the buck fifty you had to mug an old man who now can't affoord his heart meds and dies in front of you of a heart attack. But, hey, now you can buy a coke.

I still wish Stephen King's new stuff was a good as his older stuff.

[socool8520]

So go ahead and dance. No one's stoppin' ya! (That was an easy wish.)

I wish I had a buck fitty.

granted, but gas is 4 dollars.

I wish I was 18 again

[socool8520]

Granted, but ot get the buck fifty you had to mug an old man who now can't affoord his heart meds and dies in front of you of a heart attack. But, hey, now you can buy a coke.

I still wish Stephen King's new stuff was a good as his older stuff.

granted, but you go blind and lose the feeling in your hands.

i wish i could time travel

[Spike-X]

granted, but you go blind and lose the feeling in your hands.

i wish i could time travel
Granted, but you can only do it once. I hope you've been inoculated against the Black Plague.

I wish a nice, tasty breakfast would just appear in front of me, without me having to go to all the effort of getting it.

[LewMoxinsghost]

granted, but you go blind and lose the feeling in your hands.

i wish i could time travel

Granted, but you can only go two seconds into the future by shutting your eyes and waiting two seconds.

I wish I had kick ass superpowers.

[socool8520]

Granted, but you can only go two seconds into the future by shutting your eyes and waiting two seconds.

I wish I had kick ass superpowers.

granted, but unfortunately your weak to a rare stone which everyone seems to have somehow
i wish i was 18 again

[Your Imaginary Pal]

granted, but unfortunately your weak to a rare stone which everyone seems to have somehow
i wish i was 18 again

granted, and they just reinstated the draft.

I wish this war were over.

[socool8520]

granted, and they just reinstated the draft.

I wish this war were over.

I'm already enlisted heheh

[mattx110]

granted, and they just reinstated the draft.

I wish this war were over.
It is. But we're at war with Turkeys.

Not the country, but all Turkeys. They have launched what is known as the "Last Thanksgiving Campaign", their military movement is known as "The Novemberers", and they've just announced they are in final talks with Chickens to form an undefeatable alliance.

Vegans are full of fear and "I told you so"s. But they are not spared by the Turkeys.

I wish life was as fantastic as films.

[DrewTheXenocide]

It is. But we're at war with Turkeys.

Not the country, but all Turkeys. They have launched what is known as the "Last Thanksgiving Campaign", their military movement is known as "The Novemberers", and they've just announced they are in final talks with Chickens to form an undefeatable alliance.

Vegans are full of fear and "I told you so"s. But they are not spared by the Turkeys.

I wish life was as fantastic as films.

Granted. Welcome to Mad Max.

I wish that one specific girl I have in mind would appear in my bedroom right now.

Edit: And I get to have sex with her. (almost forgot that part.)

[WyldCard4]

Granted. Welcome to Mad Max.

I wish that one specific girl I have in mind would appear in my bedroom right now.

Edit: And I get to have sex with her. (almost forgot that part.)

Sadly she is comes in sveral different pieces.

But because of your wish you still have to have sex with her.

I wish my catt could talk, and weren't evil, and no side effects caused any problems for me or anyone else.

[Matt Algren]

Sadly she is comes in sveral different pieces.

But because of your wish you still have to have sex with her.

I wish my catt could talk, and weren't evil, and no side effects caused any problems for me or anyone else.
Granted, but its first word is also its last: "ARGGGHH"

I wish I hadn't taken that nap.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish I hadn't taken that nap.

Abrakadabra! But now, you will never avoid the falling penny from the skyscraper.


I wish Jenny Lewis was sitting on my lap, softly singing her songs into my ear.

[mattx110]

Abrakadabra! But now, you will never avoid the falling penny from the skyscraper.


I wish Jenny Lewis was sitting on my lap, softly singing her songs into my ear.
She is. She also brought the rest of her band, and their instruments and they're all on your lap, or best crushing approximation possible.

I wish I could jump 5 feet in the air.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish I could jump 5 feet in the air.

Zap! Now you're stuck, lardass.


I wish a long-lost, unpublished Alan Moore/Jack Kirby project would surface.

[mattx110]

Zap! Now you're stuck, lardass.


I wish a long-lost, unpublished Alan Moore/Jack Kirby project would surface.
Granted. It surfaced in the middle of Lake Michigan and was eaten by Flock of Seagulls. Yes, the band.

I wish I had a recording contract for my rap project.

[Demon wizard]

Granted. It surfaced in the middle of Lake Michigan and was eaten by Flock of Seagulls. Yes, the band.

I wish I had a recording contract for my rap project.

Granted, but since you failed to read the fine print, for every dollor you make, you owe the record company two.

I wish I could come up with a good wish.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish I could come up with a good wish.

Done, Morpheus of The Endless has given you your ideas. In abundance.


I wish seasons of The Venture Brothers didn't take so damn long to make.

[DrewTheXenocide]

Done, Morpheus of The Endless has given you your ideas. In abundance.


I wish seasons of The Venture Brothers didn't take so damn long to make.
It premieres tomorrow. Unfortunately, they rushed everything so it sucks now.

I wish my face wasn't so oily right now.

[mattx110]

It premieres tomorrow. Unfortunately, they rushed everything so it sucks now.

I wish my face wasn't so oily right now.
Granted. But now you wish your oil wasn't so facy.

I wish I wasn't so clever.

[WyldCard4]

Granted. But now you wish your oil wasn't so facy.

I wish I wasn't so clever.

Now you aren't clever, but you are so wise you know it was a mistake to wish that.

I wish for all of CBR to worship me.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Now you aren't clever, but you are so wise you know it was a mistake to wish that.

I wish for all of CBR to worship me.

Granted, but CBR sacrifices their deities by cooking them so they can eat the heavenly essence of a god, and experience the divine for themselves.

I wish I met a friendly wizard named Shazam! who give me mystical powers.

[Donald M.]

I wish I met a friendly wizard named Shazam! who give me mystical powers.

Granted, but this happens in the modern DCU, meaning you won't get to enjoy it, you'll be broody and angsty all the time and everyone you love will die. Most likely by having their guts punched out.

I wish I could a magic ring and become a crusading space cop.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I wish I could a magic ring and become a crusading space cop.

Granted, but these rings only work when the wearer is both deaf and blind.


I wish Pat Lee & Greg Land would get what's coming to them.

[Demon wizard]

Granted, but these rings only work when the wearer is both deaf and blind.


I wish Pat Lee & Greg Land would get what's coming to them.

Granted, both of them recieve all of their mail in a timely fashion.

i wish everything was free

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

i wish everything was free

Hocus Pocus! There, I hope you like tigers roaming through your house!


I wish the Superman film franchise were no longer up Shit Creek.

[HouseSolo]

Hocus Pocus! There, I hope you like tigers roaming through your house!


I wish the Superman film franchise were no longer up Shit Creek.

Granted, no Superman films are ever again made...ever.

I wish the movies weren't so expensive.

[WyldCard4]

Granted, no Superman films are ever again made...ever.

I wish the movies weren't so expensive.

True, but they are all bad because of a lack of money.

I wish that Rumblers League had no more delays.

[mattx110]

True, but they are all bad because of a lack of money.

I wish that Rumblers League had no more delays.
Done, but Nobody bloody knows what a Rumblers League is so you can't find it anyway.

I wish I were a scotsman.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Done, but Nobody bloody knows what a Rumblers League is so you can't find it anyway.

I wish I were a scotsman.

Granted, you die in one of the battles Braveheart is based on. With an axe in the skull, and you are not remembered.

I wish I wasn't so violent.

[WyldCard4]

Granted, you die in one of the battles Braveheart is based on. With an axe in the skull, and you are not remembered.

I wish I wasn't so violent.

You aren't violent at all, a gang of thugs break into your house and abduct you, forcing you to be a sex slave in a slum.

You have many chances to escape, but you can't take them because they would involve hurting people, so several hundred people who would otherwise be freed aren't because of you.

I wish for the Macroputer of Far From Realmer's thread.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

You aren't violent at all, a gang of thugs break into your house and abduct you, forcing you to be a sex slave in a slum.

You have many chances to escape, but you can't take them because they would involve hurting people, so several hundred people who would otherwise be freed aren't because of you.

I wish for the Macroputer of Far From Realmer's thread.

granted, not sure what it does, but i pull the plug out and lock you in storage, inside a big lead box.

I wish I had perfect eyesight.

[Demon wizard]

granted, not sure what it does, but i pull the plug out and lock you in storage, inside a big lead box.

I wish I had perfect eyesight.

Granted, but that won't help you too much with your eyelids welded shut like that.

I wish that I'd never heard of Paris Hilton.

[mattx110]

Granted, but that won't help you too much with your eyelids welded shut like that.

I wish that I'd never heard of Paris Hilton.
Granted. I'd like to introduce you to the Bush twins, they're terribly wonderful company, aren't they?

I wish I could make women fall in love with me by telling pieces of my comedy routine.