At what point do you give work the finger?

[macul]

My wife is a stay at home mom, though she is in the USAF Reserves and thus has her montly weekend duty as well as her annual duty. Well, this week she has her annual duty and as it also coincides with inspection, she can't call out.

We found a sitter for all of the week except Friday, so about a month ago I put in to have Friday off. Unfortunately my boss is also off that entire week, but it is just a Friday, which are usually slow days. Besides, I'd still be able to work from home if necessary.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later my boss decides we must have some Really Important Work done on the Thursday evening before I'm scheduled off. No biggie. I can do the Thursday evening work, but then she also wanted me back on site on Friday morning. I tell her I can't do that as I must stay home with my daughter.

My boss' answer is for me to take my daughter with me. Did I mention the site is 1.5 hours away and that my daugher is nine months old? She expects me to put my daughter in a car for a 1.5 hour drive to the site, work who knows how long, and then put her in a car for a 1.5 hour drive back home. I can barely get anything done at my home while I'm watching her muchless work on issues resulting from cutting an office from one data carrier to another.

Naturally I balked. Her first reaction was, "This tells me that maybe you aren't the right person for this position." An arguement ensued. No yelling or cursing took place, but she insisted that this was Very Important Work and thus I had to be onsite or risk losing my position (not necessarily my job, which means I guess I'd be demoted). Now, I'm new to the whole family dynamic, but I'm rather certain that family is just more important than anything else. I'm not sure there is even a question about that. In the end the work was rescheduled. She has no one else capable of doing the work and she realized that brute force threats weren't going to make me change my mind.

I don't know what my refusal means for my future at the company. My boss is out of town for a week. I could very well see some reprisals when she returns. I've begun looking for other employment as even if the company is OK with my refusal, perhaps the entire situation is a signal that I'm at the wrong place.

[Nick Soapdish]

My wife is a stay at home mom, though she is in the USAF Reserves and thus has her montly weekend duty as well as her annual duty. Well, this week she has her annual duty and as it also coincides with inspection, she can't call out.

We found a sitter for all of the week except Friday, so about a month ago I put in to have Friday off. Unfortunately my boss is also off that entire week, but it is just a Friday, which are usually slow days. Besides, I'd still be able to work from home if necessary.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later my boss decides we must have some Really Important Work done on the Thursday evening before I'm scheduled off. No biggie. I can do the Thursday evening work, but then she also wanted me back on site on Friday morning. I tell her I can't do that as I must stay home with my daughter.

My boss' answer is for me to take my daughter with me. Did I mention the site is 1.5 hours away and that my daugher is nine months old? She expects me to put my daughter in a car for a 1.5 hour drive to the site, work who knows how long, and then put her in a car for a 1.5 hour drive back home. I can barely get anything done at my home while I'm watching her muchless work on issues resulting from cutting an office from one data carrier to another.

Naturally I balked. Her first reaction was, "This tells me that maybe you aren't the right person for this position." An arguement ensued. No yelling or cursing took place, but she insisted that this was Very Important Work and thus I had to be onsite or risk losing my position (not necessarily my job, which means I guess I'd be demoted). Now, I'm new to the whole family dynamic, but I'm rather certain that family is just more important than anything else. I'm not sure there is even a question about that. In the end the work was rescheduled. She has no one else capable of doing the work and she realized that brute force threats weren't going to make me change my mind.

I don't know what my refusal means for my future at the company. My boss is out of town for a week. I could very well see some reprisals when she returns. I've begun looking for other employment as even if the company is OK with my refusal, perhaps the entire situation is a signal that I'm at the wrong place.

I'm guessing that your boss does not have much familiarity with 9-month old babies.

I wouldn't bail on this alone, but if there have been other issues, it could be the proverbial straw (and it's more than just a straw). If you've been given permission to have time off and aren't explicitly expected to be "on call", the fact that you semi-expect reprisals for not letting the company renege on your agreed time off does sound like a big red flag. Looking at possibilities for a more family friendly job sounds like a good idea to me.

[macul]

That's part of what I can't figure out. My boss has five kids. She'll bring hers to work, though they are all 14+, so she can find entertainment for them. At the same time she often doesn't seem to know when to draw the line between family and work. She definately crosses that line more than I am willing to.

I am on call 24/7, though I explicitly (they knew my reasoning) took this Friday off because I had to stay home with my daughter. I could do some remote work, but driving 1.5 hours away to a site just wan't feasible.

[gary bolt]

My wife is a stay at home mom, though she is in the USAF Reserves and thus has her montly weekend duty as well as her annual duty. Well, this week she has her annual duty and as it also coincides with inspection, she can't call out.

We found a sitter for all of the week except Friday, so about a month ago I put in to have Friday off. Unfortunately my boss is also off that entire week, but it is just a Friday, which are usually slow days. Besides, I'd still be able to work from home if necessary.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later my boss decides we must have some Really Important Work done on the Thursday evening before I'm scheduled off. No biggie. I can do the Thursday evening work, but then she also wanted me back on site on Friday morning. I tell her I can't do that as I must stay home with my daughter.

My boss' answer is for me to take my daughter with me. Did I mention the site is 1.5 hours away and that my daugher is nine months old? She expects me to put my daughter in a car for a 1.5 hour drive to the site, work who knows how long, and then put her in a car for a 1.5 hour drive back home. I can barely get anything done at my home while I'm watching her muchless work on issues resulting from cutting an office from one data carrier to another.

Naturally I balked. Her first reaction was, "This tells me that maybe you aren't the right person for this position." An arguement ensued. No yelling or cursing took place, but she insisted that this was Very Important Work and thus I had to be onsite or risk losing my position (not necessarily my job, which means I guess I'd be demoted). Now, I'm new to the whole family dynamic, but I'm rather certain that family is just more important than anything else. I'm not sure there is even a question about that. In the end the work was rescheduled. She has no one else capable of doing the work and she realized that brute force threats weren't going to make me change my mind.

I don't know what my refusal means for my future at the company. My boss is out of town for a week. I could very well see some reprisals when she returns. I've begun looking for other employment as even if the company is OK with my refusal, perhaps the entire situation is a signal that I'm at the wrong place.

I owned a business for ten years and had a couple of male employees who started families while working for me. I was surprised how much raising kids impacted their attendance and performance. Sometimes I got resentful enough to grumble to my business partners about it but I never once denied them any family related scheduling requests or changes. Your boss sounds like a power tripping bully. She may have been trying to set boundaries but if that's the case it was very heavy handed.

[Matt Algren]

Her first reaction was, "This tells me that maybe you aren't the right person for this position.""Maybe you're right, if you want me to take a 9-month-old baby on a three hour drive and expect me to get any work done whilst caring for said baby. Why don't we go talk to the HR manager about whether this is acceptable or not?" [then stand up and pick up the phone to call the HR manager]

Seriously, if you had a vagina, there wouldn't be any question about you getting the day off to care for your baby. Especially since it's military service that's causing the hardship.

[Omega Alpha]

Seriously, if you had a vagina, there wouldn't be any question about you getting the day off to care for your baby. Especially since it's military service that's causing the hardship.

Exactly. Talk about sexism... Anyway, your boss doesn't sound like a very reasonable person. I would recommend begin to look for another position somewhere.

[Typo Lad]

Do you have an HR department? You should complain to them. Totally out of line.

[macul]

Our HR department is two people. Not sure if that qualifies. :biggrin:

Anyway, a bit ago I cut out the middleman and called the owner as my boss had spoke to him about this on Friday. He made me fell much better about the situation as he said he wouldn't have taken a nine month old either.

I think people sometimes lose sight of what they can realistically expect of others. I can't "step up" if circumstances don't permit me to.

[Nick Soapdish]

Our HR department is two people. Not sure if that qualifies. :biggrin:

Anyway, a bit ago I cut out the middleman and called the owner as my boss had spoke to him about this on Friday. He made me fell much better about the situation as he said he wouldn't have taken a nine month old either.

I think people sometimes lose sight of what they can realistically expect of others. I can't "step up" if circumstances don't permit me to.

Glad to hear it's working out.

Maybe your boss just forgot what it was like to have a small kid, remembering the "most of the time they sleep" part and forgetting about the rest of the time and at what ages, they stop.

[macul]

I'm not sure our daughter ever sleeps. She takes after me. She likes to go to bed around 9pm, wake up at 7am, and have a short nap or two sprinkled in during the day.

My boss even suggested I put her in a walker. We don't use a walker. She then suggested I strap her to my back with a carrier. So I'm supposed to keep a VERY active nine-month old strapped to my back for several hours.

[howyadoin]

I'm torn over whether your boss is a bitch, or a moron.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Worse....she's an evil baby eater...

[Josh S]

I'm torn over whether your boss is a bitch, or a moron.

Don't be so close minded. She's clearly both.

[Justin Davis]

Don't be so close minded. She's clearly both.

Also, likely alone and/or barren and bitter.






Yeah, I said it.

[Ontir]

You had a legitimate issue, circumstances that involve the federal government, which cannot be altered, and childcare issues that you did everything in your power to prepare for, well in advance. Your boss' inability to plan properly is her fault, not yours. A nine month-old has specific needs that override someone else's poor planning. Your boss is the one who needs to get a clue, and I think things like family leave legislation may offer some cover, but I'm no lawyer. You might want to PM Loren.