"Realistic" life lessons for kids and teens...

[Tish-the-Scorpion]

how should i word this....um you know how in the real world its a survival of the fittest type of world. the real world is not filled with "good" or "evil" people, but just ordinary people who does what it takes to survive. so i'm wondering due parents give their kids enough of what i call realistic life lessons to help them survive during their teen and post teen years.. they're given what i like to call "white picket fence" life lessons, without the much more realistic "real world street lessons". do you think parents avoid talking to their kids about these "grey area" life lessons? is it because parents are out of touch,or is it because their trying to shelter their kids from the harsh reality of life? do anybody understand where i'm coming from?

[StoneGold]

And that's why you don't leave the lights on when you're not in the room.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/0/0c/180px-J_Walter_Weatherman_-_AD.jpg

[SOGG]

I think that responsible parents teach their kids life lessons that are 'realistic' to the best of their abilities. For example, the average Lebanese or israeli kid will probably know how to handle a gun, but won't be as adept at jungle survival as the average kid from deep Mindanao.

[Charles RB]

do anybody understand where i'm coming from?

Not really, no.

[Radioactive Zombie]

Of course not, RB.

In any case, the world's full of mean, nasty assholes who love schenfreude. Not to mention that there won't be people like your caring parents or the always-helpful cops.

[Comic_Mobsta]

My dad was a realist so i didn't have this problem...Although i think parents tend to avoid difficult conversations with their kids. I still remember my dad explaining "Tolerance" to me in a very none idealistic way.It was a very blunt political-esque explanation My dad use to be idealistic but eventually became a harden embittered realist. Right before i was born to.

[Royal]

The world is a brutal place and worth fighting for

[Tish-the-Scorpion]

i found out about the real world through my dad. he told me "theres a difference between things that should be done and what is LIKELY to be done". he was referring to real life situations including politics and how they wold be solved. at first i didn't really understand. but by the time i was like 14 or 15 i understood perfectly. i was also shocked at how sheltered and naive other kids were when i was on the debate team. i was like what world do these kids live in!! lol

i do think kids still should be optimistic and idealistic, i just think they need to be better prepared for reality too. so that way they don't become indifferent and apathetic about the world. just imagine if MLK decided to become apathetic because he stopped caring. because parents never properly prepared kids for the realities of the world we wound up with a bunch of 20 and 30 somethings who have a "why bother" type attitude.

[Comic_Mobsta]

i found out about the real world through my dad. he told me "theres a difference between things that should be done and what is LIKELY to be done". he was referring to real life situations including politics and how they wold be solved. at first i didn't really understand. but by the time i was like 14 or 15 i understood perfectly. i was also shocked at how sheltered and naive other kids were when i was on the debate team. i was like what world do these kids live in!! lol

i do think kids still should be optimistic and idealistic, i just think they need to be better prepared for reality too. so that way they don't become indifferent and apathetic about the world. just imagine if MLK decided to become apathetic because he stopped caring. because parents never properly prepared kids for the realities of the world we wound up with a bunch of 20 and 30 somethings who have a "why bother" type attitude.Very true.... But on the other hand, shouldn't kids be sheltered to some extent to help protect the innocence of childhood? I think a child should be protected so they can be a "kid", and then when they hit 12 or 13, start introducing them to the harshness of life. What do you think?

My dad's "realist" attitude kinda fucked up our relationship lol

[howyadoin]

is it because parents are out of touch,or is it because their trying to shelter their kids from the harsh reality of life?Probably a little of both. I've certainly encountered some situations that would completely freak my parents out. And if they had been aware of that shit, I'm sure they wouldn't want me to be exposed to it.

[Charles RB]

Of course not, RB.

No, really, I don't get where she's coming from. I'd gotten a grounding in "real world" life lessons, at least enough to manage day-to-day life, and pretty much everyone at my College seemed clued up about how to function in life. And this was a suburban area.

(Then I go to Uni and find scores of people aren't, but I figure that's due to living away from parents near masses of pubs)

[Charles RB]

I've certainly encountered some situations that would completely freak my parents out.

I'd think the same, but only because it's me in the situations - I'm pretty sure that, having been on Earth for 57 years, they've encountered situations that would completely freak me out (coz it's them in them).

[Monty_Cristo]

you run the risk of creating cynical opportunists by describing the world as it is. let them be kids for awhile. reality will do the rest. the best lessons are those learned the hard way.

[BYC]

The answer is a simple one. Let the internet do it!

[howyadoin]

I'd think the same, but only because it's me in the situations - I'm pretty sure that, having been on Earth for 57 years, they've encountered situations that would completely freak me out (coz it's them in them).Yeah, that's really not the kinda thing I'm talkin' about.

[mgs]

what tish is talking about is ethics and raising a child.

Some people try and teach certain beliefs and ethical ways to live life. Not all are followed. I believe there are good and bad people. Much of life can be crippling if you think about it too much. Not every problem can be solved by you, and many are not able to be solved without other's involvement and years of debate, etc. The hopes that people try to inspire in their children is not to keep the harsh reality away nor to forget about other things. It's just b/c you have to live life no matter what. If all you do is think about the bad in the world and how crappy it is, you cannot function. Inspiration and hope for the best can help people turn such anxieties into trying to help make the world a better place, instead of mulling about.

[Charles RB]

Yeah, that's really not the kinda thing I'm talkin' about.

Ah right, sorry, misread.

[MacQuarrie]

You need to give your kids Brutal Truth Storybooks (http://www.monkeyspit.net/sites/truth/)!

[Charles RB]

I'll take a copy of You'll Probably Get Fat!

[Comic_Mobsta]

You need to give your kids Brutal Truth Storybooks (http://www.monkeyspit.net/sites/truth/)!Well thats one way to do it...

[Tish-the-Scorpion]

what tish is talking about is ethics and raising a child.

exactly!..You need to give your kids Brutal Truth Storybooks (http://www.monkeyspit.net/sites/truth/)!
brilliant!!....too bad they're not real.

[Charles RB]

exactly!..
brilliant!!....too bad they're not real.

Say what you like about the Pokemon toon, but it probably taught millions of kids a valuable lesson when Ash had an extremely humiliating loss at the league match he'd been so focused on. (And made me go "ahahahaha!" at the TV...)

[Valmore]

Hall passes are a good thing, and generally reusable, as most teachers don't bother looking at the date and time on them. In fact, just scribble on something that looks remotely like a hall pass and you're probably set for your entire high school career.

If you're gonna cut class, be smart and don't go anywhere overtly fun. Pick a dull place and make it fun. The library is a good bet, as they usually have long tables for paper football games, and you can always make up an excuse that you're looking for a book for a project. Wal*Marts are also good, as you can easily get lost in them and they generally have cheap candy and soda. Plus you can even put in an application, since it's where you'll likely end up working since you're cutting class so much.

If you're gonna bag her, sheathe your dagger.

Join clubs and go to one meeting. you can then use those on your college entrance forms. They don't really check to see if you were in the Key Club anyway.

"C" is not always the answer on multiple choice tests. In fact, most teachers know this antiquated rule-of-thumb and tend to counteract it by picking a different letter to use for all of the answers. Its' best read the test.

[Tish-the-Scorpion]

Hall passes are a good thing, and generally reusable, as most teachers don't bother looking at the date and time on them. In fact, just scribble on something that looks remotely like a hall pass and you're probably set for your entire high school career.

If you're gonna cut class, be smart and don't go anywhere overtly fun. Pick a dull place and make it fun. The library is a good bet, as they usually have long tables for paper football games, and you can always make up an excuse that you're looking for a book for a project. Wal*Marts are also good, as you can easily get lost in them and they generally have cheap candy and soda. Plus you can even put in an application, since it's where you'll likely end up working since you're cutting class so much.

If you're gonna bag her, sheathe your dagger.

Join clubs and go to one meeting. you can then use those on your college entrance forms. They don't really check to see if you were in the Key Club anyway.

"C" is not always the answer on multiple choice tests. In fact, most teachers know this antiquated rule-of-thumb and tend to counteract it by picking a different letter to use for all of the answers. Its' best read the test.wtf are you talking about?? =/

[Valmore]

You wanted realistic life lessons for teenagers?

There ya go.

[Comic_Mobsta]

You wanted realistic life lessons for teenagers?

There ya go.Satire or not those books was closer to my dad's way of thinking. I'm assuming those the lessons she's talking about.

[Valmore]

Satire or not those books was closer to my dad's way of thinking. I'm assuming those the lessons she's talking about.

Dude, that hall pass advice is GOLDEN.

[blackdragon6]

Satire or not those books was closer to my dad's way of thinking. .
you should probably seek therapy..

[Paradox]

Teach your little children the ideals. Teach your adolescents the reality. But by reality, I don't mean be a cynical fuck and teach them that everything is shit. Point out the good AND the bad of how the world works. Also cut off allowances at 16. Time for a job, baby! :wink:

[Serik]

"Realistic" life lessons for kids and teens...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=179RS3qMg0k

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QKJDAV5GJdM&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Oahvguw_7PA&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rEBYgN_EZHw&feature=related

[section 8]

here are a few m dad used to lay tell me and when my son is old enough i'll teach him.

"in order to survive you must fight, if you fight you'd damn well better win."

"hit first and hit HARD it can't be "fighting dirty" if there is no ref involved"

"the world does not i repeat NOT owe you a damn thing"

"if you are going to be dumb, you'd better be tough"

"treat strangers like they are friends, friends like family, family like royalty, and your woman like a goddess."

"believe half of what ou see and NONE of what you hear."

(On Firearms) "its better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it"

"Don't scare White People"

"Never walk into a room like you own the place, walk in Like you don't give a F**k who owns it"

"always be as cautious as a snake, and as gentle as a dove " (i think he got that one from the bible)

and finaly the one nugget of wisdom that tells me i should no post this:

Tell ever thing ou know and you'll never be the smartest man in the room"


(can you tell i was an Army brat?)

[section 8]

here are a few m dad used to lay tell me and when my son is old enough i'll teach him.

"in order to survive you must fight, if you fight you'd damn well better win."

"hit first and hit HARD it can't be "fighting dirty" if there is no ref involved"

"the world does not i repeat NOT owe you a damn thing"

"if you are going to be dumb, you'd better be tough"

"treat strangers like they are friends, friends like family, family like royalty, and your woman like a goddess."

"believe half of what ou see and NONE of what you hear."

(On Firearms) "its better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it"

"Don't scare White People"

"Never walk into a room like you own the place, walk in Like you don't give a F**k who owns it"

"always be as cautious as a snake, and as gentle as a dove " (i think he got that one from the bible)

and finaly the one nugget of wisdom that tells me i should no post this:

Tell ever thing you know and you'll never be the smartest man in the room"

(can you tell i was an Army brat?)

[section 8]

here are a few m dad used to lay tell me and when my son is old enough i'll teach him.

"in order to survive you must fight, if you fight you'd damn well better win."

"hit first and hit HARD it can't be "fighting dirty" if there is no ref involved"

"the world does not i repeat NOT owe you a damn thing"

"if you are going to be dumb, you'd better be tough"

"treat strangers like they are friends, friends like family, family like royalty, and your woman like a goddess."

"believe half of what ou see and NONE of what you hear."

(On Firearms) "its better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it"

"Don't scare White People"

"Never walk into a room like you own the place, walk in Like you don't give a F**k who owns it"

"always be as cautious as a snake, and as gentle as a dove " (i think he got that one from the bible)

and finaly the one nugget of wisdom that tells me i should no post this:

Tell ever thing ou know and you'll never be the smartest man in the room"


(can you tell i was an Army brat?)

[Sanagi]

Jane - Tell me that at least I have my integrity.
Daria - Integrity is a funny word.
Jane - Well, then, at least tell me I'm marginally less corrupt than the jocks.
Daria - You refused to participate in a crooked system where good grades are exchanged for athletic performance. But you didn't try to reform the system, either.
Jane - For fear of complete teenage exile.
Daria - Right. So the system continues, you haven't redeemed yourself, and we're ostracized anyway.
Jane - Come on, now, stop trying to paint a rosy picture.
Daria - You know what?
Jane - What?
Daria - They really are preparing us for the real world.

[section 8]

here are a few m dad used to lay tell me and when my son is old enough i'll teach him.

"in order to survive you must fight, if you fight you'd damn well better win."

"hit first and hit HARD it can't be "fighting dirty" if there is no ref involved"

"the world does not i repeat NOT owe you a damn thing"

"if you are going to be dumb, you'd better be tough"

"treat strangers like they are friends, friends like family, family like royalty, and your woman like a goddess."

"believe half of what ou see and NONE of what you hear."

(On Firearms) "its better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it"

"Don't scare White People"

"Never walk into a room like you own the place, walk in Like you don't give a F**k who owns it"

"always be as cautious as a snake, and as gentle as a dove " (i think he got that one from the bible)

and finaly the one nugget of wisdom that tells me i should no post this:

Tell ever thing ou know and you'll never be the smartest man in the room"


(can you tell i was an Army brat?)

[howyadoin]

(can you tell i was an Army brat?)

(can you tell i was an Army brat?)

(can you tell i was an Army brat?)

(can you tell i was an Army brat?)I'm beginning to take the hint.

[section 8]

yeah thanks ringo.

that was freaky, thing freezes up on me the posts a dozen times, then wont let me on or n hour.

sorry bout that

[Pól Rua]

Saw a spoken word performance recently by Henry Rollins and he brought up a point which impressed me tremendously.
When he started, he was a very naive kid.
Moving to LA and getting into the punk rock scene and touring with Black Flag changed a lot of that. Saw a lot of shit he'd never seen before and lost a lot of that naivete.
Set up a healthy shell of cynicism.

Unfortunately, the problem with cynicism is that it gives you the impression that it's the truth.
Here's the world, kid. It's a fucker. Most people are shits and arseholes and everything's pretty much fucked. Shits run the joint and everyone else eats shit to live. Everything's crap, and eventually, you'll buy into the line of bullshit they're selling you, bury your head in the sand, and live like a fucking drone until you die.

It all sounds very appealing. Has a wonderful sense of macho existentialism.

The thing is, as much as it's telling you, it's the truth.

This is the REAL WORLD.

Bullshit.

It's another layer of lies people tell themselves so they can ignore 'The Real World'.
When you're naive, you dismiss things because you don't know any better. You're ignorant of what's going on.
When you're cynical, you dismiss things because "Fuck, it's all Bullshit anyway! Everything fucking sucks!"

Here's a realistic life lesson for ya kids.

Find out for yourself. You have five senses and a brain to make sense of what they tell you. Use all of them. Ask questions. Find things out. Think. Be a human. Make decisions. Make mistakes. Have experiences. Learn. Grow.

That's it.
Have fun.

[blackdragon6]

Saw a spoken word performance recently by Henry Rollins and he brought up a point which impressed me tremendously.
When he started, he was a very naive kid.
Moving to LA and getting into the punk rock scene and touring with Black Flag changed a lot of that. Saw a lot of shit he'd never seen before and lost a lot of that naivete.
Set up a healthy shell of cynicism.

Unfortunately, the problem with cynicism is that it gives you the impression that it's the truth.
Here's the world, kid. It's a fucker. Most people are shits and arseholes and everything's pretty much fucked. Shits run the joint and everyone else eats shit to live. Everything's crap, and eventually, you'll buy into the line of bullshit they're selling you, bury your head in the sand, and live like a fucking drone until you die.

It all sounds very appealing. Has a wonderful sense of macho existentialism.

The thing is, as much as it's telling you, it's the truth.

This is the REAL WORLD.

Bullshit.

It's another layer of lies people tell themselves so they can ignore 'The Real World'.
When you're naive, you dismiss things because you don't know any better. You're ignorant of what's going on.
When you're cynical, you dismiss things because "Fuck, it's all Bullshit anyway! Everything fucking sucks!"

Here's a realistic life lesson for ya kids.

Find out for yourself. You have five senses and a brain to make sense of what they tell you. Use all of them. Ask questions. Find things out. Think. Be a human. Make decisions. Make mistakes. Have experiences. Learn. Grow.

That's it.
Have fun.amen brother...

[MacQuarrie]

Teach your children the words of Chance Falconer.

"Everybody tells me to be good, but nobody tells me to be right. To do right."

Sometimes being right and doing something about it involves not being good.

When I dropped my kids off at preschool, I never told them to be good. I told them "be brave, noble and heroic."

My kids today are brave, noble and heroic.

[section 8]

*FLASHBACK*

Mom drops me off at pre school and slaps me in the back of the head

8: "what was that for?"

mom: "to show you what you got to look forward to if you (misbehave) in here, now give me a hug"

[BoosterBronze]

I was once complaining about about a jock-superstar athelete pretty boy in my school, and my pops overheard me.

"Do you suppose that quarterback is any less nervous if he likes a girl or scared about his future than you are?"

[Gilda Dent]

When I dropped my kids off at preschool, I never told them to be good. I told them "be brave, noble and heroic."

My kids today are brave, noble and heroic.

While I might quibble that being right is much easier than doing right--being right is easy, it requires knowledge but no risk or action--I like this.

Of course, it does mean one more way I'm going to have to teach Little Dent not to be like mama, or at least to be a lot more like her other mama, but that's a long enough list as it is to make more of a general guideline rather than having to evaluate things on a case by case basis.

That said, "heroic" is a very high standard. That's not a criticism; we should have high expectations for our children, set high standards and expect them to meet them. And not tie how much love we give them to how successful they are at living up to our expectations.

[MacQuarrie]

While I might quibble that being right is much easier than doing right--being right is easy, it requires knowledge but no risk or action--I like this.

Of course, it does mean one more way I'm going to have to teach Little Dent not to be like mama, or at least to be a lot more like her other mama, but that's a long enough list as it is to make more of a general guideline rather than having to evaluate things on a case by case basis.

That said, "heroic" is a very high standard. That's not a criticism; we should have high expectations for our children, set high standards and expect them to meet them. And not tie how much love we give them to how successful they are at living up to our expectations.
When my eldest was a li'l tyke, my bride (a teacher) remarked

"have you noticed that the qualities we most value in adults are the same ones we discourage in children?"

"We want adults to be strong, decisive, independent, outspoken. We try to break every one of these traits when it pops up in a kid. We want kids to be quiet, compliant, obedient. We want them to shut up and get in line. And then when they turn 18 we expect them to 'act like adults' but we've gone out of our way to avoid teaching them how."

Our parenting changed that day.

Did I mention that I married a genius?

[Paradox]

BoosterBronze anecdotes:

I was once complaining about about a jock-superstar athelete pretty boy in my school, and my pops overheard me.

"Do you suppose that quarterback is any less nervous if he likes a girl or scared about his future than you are?"

I don't know about where/when you grew up, but in my world, the answer to that was "Yes, absolutely." They should have been, but they weren't.

[Gilda Dent]

When my eldest was a li'l tyke, my bride (a teacher) remarked

"have you noticed that the qualities we most value in adults are the same ones we discourage in children?"

"We want adults to be strong, decisive, independent, outspoken. We try to break every one of these traits when it pops up in a kid. We want kids to be quiet, compliant, obedient. We want them to shut up and get in line. And then when they turn 18 we expect them to 'act like adults' but we've gone out of our way to avoid teaching them how."

Our parenting changed that day.

Did I mention that I married a genius?

Me, too, the married a genius part.

Jeffrey Kramer was saying something awhile back in a similar fashion, that the research says that the best way to teach children good decision making is to give them all the information they need and trust them to make the decisions that are best for them.

I don't disagree with what your wife said here in principle, but I'm not sure that "outspoken" is necessarily a better quality than "quiet", that that one in particular is one that needs to be balanced based on context and basic courtesy. Strong is better than weak. Decisive is better than indecisive. Independent is better than overly dependent. All of those give you more choices in life, and more choices means more freedom, more chances to be happy.

However, I'm not so sure that outspoken is inherently better than quiet. This is one area in which it seems to me to be one that one needs to be very flexible depending on the social context and tempered by respect for the needs and feelings of others. Outspoken can often be the worse choice, depending on one's specific situation. Quiet can be a way of demonstrating strength.

[Paradox]

I would have to say yes, outspoken is better than being forced to be quiet (which is what Jim's talking about...shutting up your kids, not those who are naturally quiet), especially in the culture of the United States. Being outspoken merely means speaking your mind, you can do it without being a ranting douche. You're going to get walked over more by keeping things to yourself than you would offending some people by being outspoken, IMHO.

Ideally, of course, you learn when to be each.

[MacQuarrie]

Me, too, the married a genius part.

Jeffrey Kramer was saying something awhile back in a similar fashion, that the research says that the best way to teach children good decision making is to give them all the information they need and trust them to make the decisions that are best for them.

I don't disagree with what your wife said here in principle, but I'm not sure that "outspoken" is necessarily a better quality than "quiet", that that one in particular is one that needs to be balanced based on context and basic courtesy. Strong is better than weak. Decisive is better than indecisive. Independent is better than overly dependent. All of those give you more choices in life, and more choices means more freedom, more chances to be happy.

However, I'm not so sure that outspoken is inherently better than quiet. This is one area in which it seems to me to be one that one needs to be very flexible depending on the social context and tempered by respect for the needs and feelings of others. Outspoken can often be the worse choice, depending on one's specific situation. Quiet can be a way of demonstrating strength.

Absolutely true, but the point is that being outspoken is sometimes an admirable quality in adults and almost never desirable in children. Children are not supposed to speak their minds or stand up for their beliefs; they're supposed to be seen and not heard. Until they're 18, at which point they're supposed to miraculously acquire a backbone.

[Gilda Dent]

I would have to say yes, outspoken is better than being forced to be quiet (which is what Jim's talking about...shutting up your kids, not those who are naturally quiet), especially in the culture of the United States. Being outspoken merely means speaking your mind, you can do it without being a ranting douche. You're going to get walked over more by keeping things to yourself than you would offending some people by being outspoken, IMHO.

I agree entirely. For some, however, being careful not to offend others, taking into account their needs and feelings is more important than getting what they want in a particular situation. Getting to say exactly what you want whenever you want is far less important to me than respecting the needs and feelings of others.

Ideally, of course, you learn when to be each.[/QUOTE]

This is what I was trying to say in my post.

Absolutely true, but the point is that being outspoken is sometimes an admirable quality in adults and almost never desirable in children. Children are not supposed to speak their minds or stand up for their beliefs; they're supposed to be seen and not heard. Until they're 18, at which point they're supposed to miraculously acquire a backbone.

I'm not sure I'd equate being quiet with being spineless, but otherwise, sure. I had a principal once that I consistently irritated by encouraging kids to speak up. She'd come into my room to talk to me during class, and as we were talking, a student would come up to me and say, "Miss Dent?" or "I need some help." Her routine response was to tell the child "Adults are having a conversation here." My routine response was to turn my attention to the child and give her whatever help she needed before going back to whatever business the principal was there for.

I also tended to fall on the opposite end of the spectrum from most teachers when it came to "tattling", a word and concept I despise. If a student had a problem with another student and didn't know how to handle it herself, I wanted them to come to me and tell me so either a: I could help her figure out how to handle it herself is possible or b: if something that did need adult attention, I could take care of it.

Think of the lesson "no tattling" gives kids: If you know that are others misbehaving, it's worse to take the problem to the appropriate authority than to do nothing.

I guess maybe my problem is really a semantic quibble; I see "speaking up for yourself" as different from being outspoken. The latter to me implies a degree of verbal aggression that I think is usually unnecessary. Sometimes it's better, and not necessarily a sign of weakness, to just walk away from a dispute, either literally or figuratively.

[Paradox]

Gilda Dent goes all teachery:

I guess maybe my problem is really a semantic quibble; I see "speaking up for yourself" as different from being outspoken. The latter to me implies a degree of verbal aggression that I think is usually unnecessary. Sometimes it's better, and not necessarily a sign of weakness, to just walk away from a dispute, either literally or figuratively.

Yes, I believe we're all taking about the same thing, just using words we have different connotations for.

[Spike-X]

Absolutely true, but the point is that being outspoken is sometimes an admirable quality in adults and almost never desirable in children. Children are not supposed to speak their minds or stand up for their beliefs; they're supposed to be seen and not heard. Until they're 18, at which point they're supposed to miraculously acquire a backbone.
I find it interesting that the most overbearing, control freak parents are always the ones expressing the most surprise that their kids lack the backbone to stand up to or say no to anybody.

"Why don't you do what I tell you and stand up to this person?"

[Paradox]

YES, thank you, Spike! That's the word I was looking for. The connotation Gilda has for "outspoken" is the one I have for "overbearing".