Mad as Hell

[DocAbsurd]

I don't keep secrets. My life is pretty much an open book (for those who tempt boredom and dare to crack the spine). So after keeping silent for so many months, I finally did something I'm just dying to share.

And you are all my victims.

I've never kept it hidden that my ex is a deadbeat drunken drug-addled whore. With a really big arse. She has been the absolute worst in non-custodial parents, never doing so much as sending the Things a birthday card, a holiday greeting, not even an inquiry to see if they're still alive. And none of that really surprised me. She did the same to her 4 other children -- now young adults -- while we were married, relegating them to less than memories. I remember finding a letter from her eldest daughter who had just turned 18 and was starting univeristy; she was on the verge of begging her mother to contact her, pleading for advice if she couldn't bother with support. The letter was shoved deep in a pile of garbage in the bowels of the bedroom closet.

Anyway.

Needless to say, she hasn't been paying child support either. The arrears amount to nearly $21,500, with an added $14,000 owed to the state for the Things' medical insurance. The last payment we received was the first week September, 2007, following an irregular schedule the previous 9 weeks. The payments stopped as suddenly as they started.

What's interesting is that I found out that she continued working at that same job until the end of October. And that was followed by another employment stint that lasted through the end of January this year. I didn't know any of this until I got a call from the county collections agency; you see, they have records of her and her employment record, they know every check she's received. Legally. Yet they took no action to enforce the income execution. Also found out she hasn't filed income taxes in 3 years.

Mind you, I didn't know any of the above until I called the service that's supposed to be working for the Things and me. They can count how many times she's moved, but they've lost track of her driver's license. They know where and when she's worked, but they've neglected to enforce child support. 'I have 3000+ cases on my desk', my caseworker told me, 'but you're the only father in this situation.'

I don't know what's more shocking, the fact that one person has so many delinquent accounts to manage or that I've once again slipped through the cracks.

I've gotten fed up with the entire situation.

I've filed another petition against the ex, the 'last' petition.

I've started writing my county legislator.

I've contacted the local paper.

I've called the news stations.

So far, one reporter wants to be present at the next court hearing to do a piece about single fathers. The 'Help Desk' at another station personally contacted the legislator when I informed her my emails have gone unanswered (even though his office is quite literally down the street from my house). The legislator's secretary is investigating my case, and I'm waiting for her to call for more information. The local paper wants do to a feature article on public perception of single fathers.

The next court date is May 9. When I say it's the 'final' one, I mean she's being held in contempt. She can't call for a delay (which is what she did last year, the morning of the hearing), she can't simply choose not to show up. If she doesn't have a good chunk of what she owes or fails too appear, a bench warrant will be issued. She's looking at jail, fines or both.

Today I'm calling the reporter with the date. I'm writing the local Fathers' Rights group. I've tried calling Social Services many times this month, but I have yet to hear from may caseworker; believe me, that's gonna be noticed.

I'm also gonna be starting a blog -- somewhere -- about the hurdles of being a single father, mebbe garner some support that way.

This isn't about me. This is about the Things. They've been through enough shite because of her and I refuse to allow any more.

And it's gone beyond just my own children. Surely I can't be the only single father in the same situation.

[Stressfactor]

Go Doc!!!!!

I wish I could offer you more but at least I can offer you this -- I'm keeping your situation in my thoughts and I'm mentally sending you some butt-kickin' power.

Now go out there and kick some hienies!

[the4thpip]

The officials who have the job of protecting our children often have an insane amount of cases to deal with. It's sickening.

Here in my town in Germany, a Mormon foster mother recently beat her 4 year old foster daughter to death. The girl happened to be the biological daughter of a friend of mine. The case worker at child services had several reports of injuries inflicted on the child while in foster care, but reacted too late (she was supposed to be moved to a home the week she died). The case worker has been arrested for negligent manslaughter and claims to have been overworked.

All I can advise you is to stay in contact with that caseworker. E-Mail him twice a week and call him once. Stay friendly, but make him want to help you so he'll be rid of you.

[Alan Lynch]

Kick all their asses Doc. Parents who duck responsibilities to their kids deserve all that's coming to them, far as I'm concerned. Good for you man, and I hope you manage to get at least some of what's owed to your kids.

[Jack Zodiac]

Every time you bring this up, every time you talk about how much the system fucks you over in the situation you're in, and every time you ex gets a free pass for being a deadbeat shit, I feel like setting something on fire. I don't know what it is, but when you post about how things just keep getting more fucked up and stupid for you, it makes me wanna burn a courthouse or something, y'know?

Good for you, Doc. Make as many people as fucking possible pay attention to your particular case until somebody does something about it, something fair, for you and your kids. I hope it goes well next month.

[Solaris]

Can't they garnish a percentage of her wages, and have it take out before she gets her check??? If they can do it for taxes, dammit, they ought to be able to do it for this. *fumes*

[Jack Zodiac]

Oh, but taxes go to the government. Fuck Doc and his kids, that ain't their problem.

[KevinTBrown]

I eagerly await May 9th now.

Go get 'er, Doc!!! I hope you get what's owed and she gets what's coming to her!

[DocAbsurd]

An income execution is supposed to be deducted before taxes. I know, it's done on mine for my other son. Oh, did I mention that? Yup, my child is still being deducted to the tune of 55% of my paycheck. Our refund was similarly seized in its entirety.

Except, because we're on public assistance and I have a change in financial circumstances, the government isn't supposed to do that. I shoulda been informed of the proper papers to file (similar to the form for 'non-obligated spouse') 3 years ago when I gained sole custody. Mighty big cracks I'm slipping through.

It's not a matter of knowing where she works; they have complete records. It's not a matter of informing her multitude of employers. Apparently she either knows how to 'encourage' her employers to keep her wages under the table or she quits that job as soon as she's tracked down.

What I'm trying to do is make it public record that she's also been skipping out on her income taxes. And I'm having the Things' social security numbers investigated to see if they've been 'used'.

Tax evasion. Identity theft. Contempt of court. Yeah, things don't look bright for her.

Provided I don't slip through more cracks.

[Bo Bo]

I'm praying for you Doc. I hope karma bites her in the ass and you get what's owed to you!

[hellokittykat]

What terrible, screwed up mess! :evilangry:

I give you so much credit for not letting this crappy situation beat you and it's great that you are making as much noise as you can. I'll pray that everything goes right for you, Doc. In the mean time, I have friends in low places that could go and talk to your ex and convince her to stop being such a grab. :evilsmile:

[Dreadstar]

Mighty big cracks I'm slipping through..

It's not so much you're slipping through cracks, it's that the Children's Services don't give a good runny damn about you.

Now, if you were a support male failing to meet obligations, you'd be set upon immediately. Deadbeat DADS is what they're GEARED for. Like 95% geared for, seriously.

[Dreadstar]

Can't they garnish a percentage of her wages, and have it take out before she gets her check??? If they can do it for taxes, dammit, they ought to be able to do it for this. *fumes*

Depends on state laws and interstate agreements. For example, if I lived in Ohio, Kentucky may or may not be obligated to issue garnishment.

[Sarah Beach]

Go for it, Doc! All I've got right now are prayers for you and the Things, but you got them.

I hope you make a dent in the system, so they stop being so biased against single dads who are trying to do the right thing.

[the4thpip]

It's not so much you're slipping through cracks, it's that the Children's Services don't give a good runny damn about you.

Now, if you were a support male failing to meet obligations, you'd be set upon immediately. Deadbeat DADS is what they're GEARED for. Like 95% geared for, seriously.

A woman at child services actually had the nerve to tell my brother once: "I don't help fathers. I help mothers."

[cactusmaac]

I'm a little surprised you lived long enough with the woman to have children with her. Doesn't seem a very responsible or loving person.

[DocAbsurd]

The first bit of assistance I got when I first signed up with the Erie County Child Support Services (all I needed was the court order, the income execution and $10) was a woman on the phone telling me, 'Now you know how it feels.'

I know how what feels? I didn't abandon my family. I didn't refuse medication. I didn't abuse my children. I didn't cheat on my spouse. I didn't spend weekly paychecks on booze, hide drugs in the bedroom and claim it was so a co-worker wouldn't get in trouble, and spend shifts at motels that charged by the hour. So what exactly am I supposed to know how 'it' feels?

I'm contacting the Fathers' Rights group here in Buffalo. I've tried them before and been spectacularly unimpressed. They seem like most other groups: more interested in membership dues than in actually accomplishing any specific goal.

That's why I want to start a blog for custodial fathers. Lately it seems like we're more interested in our children's welfare and well-being than any government agency.

[Cam63]

Good luck, Doc.

[Spike-X]

It's not so much you're slipping through cracks, it's that the Children's Services don't give a good runny damn about you.

Now, if you were a support male failing to meet obligations, you'd be set upon immediately. Deadbeat DADS is what they're GEARED for. Like 95% geared for, seriously.
Oh, hell yeah. If their genders were reversed, they'd be nailing her arse to the wall six ways from Sunday.

AND RIGHTFULLY SO.

Male-dominated, my arse.

[Solaris]

The first bit of assistance I got when I first signed up with the Erie County Child Support Services (all I needed was the court order, the income execution and $10) was a woman on the phone telling me, 'Now you know how it feels.'

I know how what feels? I didn't abandon my family. I didn't refuse medication. I didn't abuse my children. I didn't cheat on my spouse. I didn't spend weekly paychecks on booze, hide drugs in the bedroom and claim it was so a co-worker wouldn't get in trouble, and spend shifts at motels that charged by the hour. So what exactly am I supposed to know how 'it' feels?

I'm contacting the Fathers' Rights group here in Buffalo. I've tried them before and been spectacularly unimpressed. They seem like most other groups: more interested in membership dues than in actually accomplishing any specific goal.

That's why I want to start a blog for custodial fathers. Lately it seems like we're more interested in our children's welfare and well-being than any government agency.

It's times like this that I'm reminded of Jeffrey's sig about Idiots.

"Now you know how it feels"??? WTF???

Okay, Doc, you line up all those dumb women in social services who keep trying to act like you (insanely) somehow have some reason to feel responsible for deadbeat dads... and me and the other gals on YABS will go down the line, breaking our feet off in each stupid ass.

Grrrr.

And gee, the govt. is screwing you by not staying on top of your ex and taking her money, and now they turn around a screw you by taking your money when they weren't supposed to? And no one informed you that you'd need to file to get the change done?

I swear to the gods, I hope some national news show picks up your story and puts out all the ugly nasty gory details, slamming the shit out of both your ex AND the government workers who are *supposed* to be HELPING you. :mad:

(And I hope that they, or someone, insists that Uncle Sam owes you interest.)

[RGrl]

I just joined on here and started browsing a bit. I came across this thread and had to reply. Doc, you should contact the Criminal Investigation Division of the IRS about the tax evasion issue. They'd be the ones who could get her on that.

It ticks me off that she can get away with this. It shouldn't matter if you're the father or the mother. Obviously, the system is seriously flawed.

Good luck!

[Sally Sensational]

The state system is weird everywhere. I'm one of those lucky single moms who doesn't have any trouble with my kid's father - he works hard and pays his child support. I've often heard, though that we ought to go to court and get a "real" support agreement. Unfortunately, if the payments go through the court at all in Louisiana, the STATE takes a cut for "processing".

Madness.

[Charles RB]

A woman at child services actually had the nerve to tell my brother once: "I don't help fathers. I help mothers."

Okay, between that and Doc's problems, it looks pretty clear there's some institutionalised sexism going on here - i.e. Fathers Are Bad.

In which case good on you, Doc - raise a stink, force this into the light.

[DocAbsurd]

I just got off the phone with the legislator's secretary. They apparently pulled my file from social services downtown and they're pretty stunned that it's gone on without any resolution for as long as it has. However, there's typically nothing they can do at the moment.

I have been given Mr Mazur's private mobile number and I'm supposed to call him over the week-end. And I will be.

Another bit of good-but-still-immensely-frustrating news:

I've already mentioned the brief child support we got for 10 weeks at the end of summer last year. It started well after we began getting public assistance and stopped before I could report is. Well, this past January I got a notice from my caseworker that our benefits were gonna be reduced so I could 'pay back' the money we got while we were receiving the un-budgeted child support. Reduced to nothing.

I filed a complaint for a fair hearing about the matter back in February and had the meeting beginning of March. Yesterday -- 7 weeks after the hearing -- I got the results in the mail. It was found in my favor because the Agency didn't provide proof as to exactly how much was supposed to have been budgeted for us. Honestly, I think I won the case when I asked the adjudicator, 'So you're basically asking me to pay back the child support I've been fighting my tail off to get because you're not helping me to get it in the first place.'

He answered, 'Yup.'

That was the second time I've had to fight for our meager benefits, mind you. The first time was back in October when my employment counselor claimed that I refused to take a job that was 'guaranteed'. After handing my resume filled with either retail or cartooning experience, he passed me a referral for a part-time position in a parking garage. Downtown. Early mornings or late evenings. Which would have had me leaving before the Things got on the bus or coming home to an empty house.

He said, and I quote, that I claimed I had to be there to 'tuck [my] kids into bed'. I swear to God. Not that I had to provide for and be present for and not pass my responsibility off to some unknown daycare. Hell, when I said I didn't have a reliable after-school provider, I was told, 'That's what we have government-run daycares for.'

So, it was better for me to fob my things off on public assistance than it was for me to find a job that could work around my hours so I could get off public assistance.

[Darediva]

I am so angry for you that I could just spit. I get so tired of people saying things about single parents "riding the system", who in fact are battling it in the way you so obviously are.

Hang in there, DocA. All our good energy is headed your way.

[heystacy]

The state system is weird everywhere. I'm one of those lucky single moms who doesn't have any trouble with my kid's father - he works hard and pays his child support. I've often heard, though that we ought to go to court and get a "real" support agreement. Unfortunately, if the payments go through the court at all in Louisiana, the STATE takes a cut for "processing".

Madness.

I read that and thought that is one of the most shittiest thing I read. A cut of the child's money goes to the state.

[heystacy]

Best Wishes Doc.

[KPhoebe]

Oh man, good luck, Doc.

[beetlebum]

My half sisters were lazy, deadbeat parents. They had children, than left them in the care of someone else. It was incredibly irresponsible, and it still makes me mad when I think about it.

Their actions are part of the reason why I firmly believe in personal responsibility. Unless you have a disability, or something that truly prevents you from taking care of your children, than take care of them yourselves, dammit.

Sorry, slightly non sequiter rant. http://www.pbreview.com/forums/images/smilies/stuckin.gif :redface:

Anyways, Godspeed Doc. Here's to hoping it works out for the best. :smile:

[Solaris]

I just got off the phone with the legislator's secretary. They apparently pulled my file from social services downtown and they're pretty stunned that it's gone on without any resolution for as long as it has. However, there's typically nothing they can do at the moment.

I have been given Mr Mazur's private mobile number and I'm supposed to call him over the week-end. And I will be.

Another bit of good-but-still-immensely-frustrating news:

I've already mentioned the brief child support we got for 10 weeks at the end of summer last year. It started well after we began getting public assistance and stopped before I could report is. Well, this past January I got a notice from my caseworker that our benefits were gonna be reduced so I could 'pay back' the money we got while we were receiving the un-budgeted child support. Reduced to nothing.

I filed a complaint for a fair hearing about the matter back in February and had the meeting beginning of March. Yesterday -- 7 weeks after the hearing -- I got the results in the mail. It was found in my favor because the Agency didn't provide proof as to exactly how much was supposed to have been budgeted for us. Honestly, I think I won the case when I asked the adjudicator, 'So you're basically asking me to pay back the child support I've been fighting my tail off to get because you're not helping me to get it in the first place.'

He answered, 'Yup.'

That was the second time I've had to fight for our meager benefits, mind you. The first time was back in October when my employment counselor claimed that I refused to take a job that was 'guaranteed'. After handing my resume filled with either retail or cartooning experience, he passed me a referral for a part-time position in a parking garage. Downtown. Early mornings or late evenings. Which would have had me leaving before the Things got on the bus or coming home to an empty house.

He said, and I quote, that I claimed I had to be there to 'tuck [my] kids into bed'. I swear to God. Not that I had to provide for and be present for and not pass my responsibility off to some unknown daycare. Hell, when I said I didn't have a reliable after-school provider, I was told, 'That's what we have government-run daycares for.'

So, it was better for me to fob my things off on public assistance than it was for me to find a job that could work around my hours so I could get off public assistance.


Honest to gods, Doc, I hope to hell you're keeping records out the wazoo on all this, including the things you've written about it.

Why?

Because I think if you write it up, you'll have a very good-selling book on your hands.

I'm dead serious. WRITE IT UP. And start sending it to publishers. A lot of people, and especially a lot of single dads out there, would buy it. Read it. And maybe, increase the level of hue and cry to the point that somebody actually gets off their collective asses and *does* something about situations like yours.

Your story needs to be told: TELL it. (And if you made money off it, yay! I personally think you would.)

[the4thpip]

Yeah, my brother would definitely buy it, even if we're in Germany. He's been eating up all articles and web sites on the subject of mistreatment of fathers by child services, family courts etc.

[Dark Galaxy]

Your story needs to be told: TELL it. (And if you made money off it, yay! I personally think you would.)

I strongly agree with both parts of this statement.

[Michael P]

I don't know about a book, but I could definitely see it as a feature article in the Times Magazine.

[DocAbsurd]

Finally worked up the nerve to call my legislator today. Just got off the phone with him, as matter of fact. Not the most positive conversation I've ever had.

Turns out the first time I emailed him, he immediately faxed my file over to the commissioner for the Child Support Collections. I was told there's many people looking into the case and that they're doing all they can. Which means nothing's being done until I go to court next week. Shite, which reminds me, I gotta save up a couple bucks for the bus ride.

Now, there are a couple things that are gnawing at my brain. Okay, a couple immediate things, not quite as apparent as the basics of this scenario.

When I spoke to the secretary, I was told to 'keep this to [myself]', to 'remain quiet about the situation'. Mr Mazur told me it's a 'sensitive situation'.

Sensitive? Sure, this is sensitive. Cuz it's a fecking embarrassment to the county and state governments. $22,000 in child support arrears, another $15,000 owed to the state for the Things' Medicaid; that's a black eye to our local administration. And if this gets out to the news ('if', as in 'when' cuz I ain't keeping my mouth shut now), do you really think they're gonna admit a mother was in the wrong, that a mother could be a deadbeat? Not a fecking chance. Not to mention all the crap I've been getting from Social Services.

Don't worry, Sol, I've got complete records of everything since I've filed for since divorce, both legally and with public assistance. It's all collated, stapled, noted and sorted according to dates. I've marked who's been helpful and who's been a pain in me arse.

Okay, suggestion time:

Where should I start a blog that's gonna been seen?

[Charles RB]

Blogspot's (here (https://www.blogger.com/start)) usually where the well-known blogs seem to be - but I figure that's not because everyone looks there, it's just word of mouth spreads about blogs so new people look at it & it spirals from there. Based on this thread, you'll get that word of mouth at least from CBRers.

[Matt Algren]

Doc, I'd definitely start at blogspot (https://www.blogger.com/start) or wordpress.com (http://wordpress.com/signup/). Not because everbody looks there, but because you'll be picked up by search engines more quickly.

And yeah, you shouldn't keep this to yourself.

[Sarah Beach]

Go for it, Doc! You know I'm there, both in the reading (a hit for you!) and in spreading the word!

[Paradox]

Wherever you put it, Doc, be sure to link in your siggy. Google puts (unpaid) stuff further up the more links out there to it the bots find.

[DungeonmasterJim]

I'm really torn as to reading the blog or not. My brother's in a situation sort of along the same lines and it really drives me nuts. My brother's ex is probably the only person in the world that makes my voice quiver and me almost start shaking with fury. She's probably the biggest piece of shit I know of a human being and uses everyone and everything to suit her needs and the world and whoever gets in her way be damned.

And I knew she was a fuckhead from the start when she kept calling her then infant daughter 'a bitch, a little bitch' when she was changing her diaper all those years ago.

Could be some good info there that might help my brother but I know I'll be outraged thinking about Doc's and my brother's situation to the point where I shake with anger. That's not good.

DM Jim

[the4thpip]

Your blog will be seen if others link to it. And there's a whole lot of people here (me included) who will link to your blog once it's been up.

I use blogspot.

[DocAbsurd]

And the shite keeps flying.

Got this in the mail just a little while ago (the names have been changed for shites and giggles):

4/25/08

Support Magistrate:

I respectfully ask for an adjournment in the case of:

[Doc Absurd] against

[the Bitter Half]

file # ******
Docket # *-*****-**/***
May 9th at 9.30 am

I have an appointment that has been made with the VLP (Volunteer Lawyer Program) on May 8th, 2008, regarding Child Support and the fact that I made $10,816 in the year 2007 and paid between $2,300 - $2,600 which was taken out of my checks. I am asking the VLP to help rectify this situation and get it to where I can afford it. I am asking for a three month time frame to allow time for the VLP and their schedules as I do not know their availability. I am asking for your help in this matter please.

Thank you
[the Bitter Half]
[5 Some St]
[Lackawana, NY 14***]

cc [Doc Absurd]
[22 Some Other Ave]
[Cheektowaga, NY 14***]

I've already called Family Court; they have the request on file but a decision won't be made until later this afternoon. Gotta call back then.

This will be the fifth adjournment she's requested. The last time I filed a petition back in January, 2007, she got 2 adjournments that I didn't find out about until I was already waiting outside the court. Then the morning she was required to appear, she called 15 minutes before court and never showed.

What isn't mentioned is that she worked for another 2 months beyond the last support check I got; yet no further support was paid. It's also on record that she was working from 11/07 through 1/08, but again no support.

I paid 4 times what she did in support, and made half what she's claiming.

Oh, and the VLP is a group of attorneys who provide their services pro bono. I used them for the divorce and ended up with a fantastic attorney who came this close to changing my opinion of lawyers. However, it takes months and months to get in with them; and they have very strict guidelines for the cases they'll take. No doubt she'll lie, but I really doubt the magistrate is gonna grant the adjournment. I've got the same one I had last time and she was not at all happy being kept hanging like that.

I've called the news. I'm emailing the paper now.

[Bo Bo]

Damn doc, I hope she won't get away with it this time!

I'm praying for you.

[DocAbsurd]

Thanks, Bo Bo, but it looks like she's gonna skate again.

The hearing has been adjourned for another month. Granted, it's not the 3 months she was asking for but she got it delayed.

Again.

Which makes it just shy of 10 months between payments.

Y'know what really fucking pisses me off? She's complaining about the money. Not word one about seeing the Things. I suppose I should really be grateful for her greed; as Momma said, that's all we need is another round of nightmares starting up.

But it just shows where her goddam concern is:

Her fucking wallet.

[Spike-X]

Y'know what really fucking pisses me off? She's complaining about the money. Not word one about seeing the Things. I suppose I should really be grateful for her greed; as Momma said, that's all we need is another round of nightmares starting up.

But it just shows where her goddam concern is:

Her fucking wallet.

And every time she does that, it's noted by the judge, and she digs herself a little deeper.

[DocAbsurd]

Holy fuck.

I've got a blog underway, but shite is happening so fast and pissing me off so badly I can't even get my introduction done.

I already mentioned that Tuesday I got a notice that I won the last fight against having our benefits reduced (to nothing) to repay the 'over-payment' of benefits, when we got that brief spurt of child support last year. Today I go to the mail and find yet another notice dated just a couple days later stating that they're gonna try the exact same thing! Even worse, they're gonna take back more out of benefits than they raised them back to in the prior notice.

And for the exact same reason I just established with them!

What in the fuck is going on!?!

Now I'm gonna have to spend the rest of the day sorting and organizing each and every single piece of paper I have about our benefits. I've gotta gather up some contacts, write another batch of emails and file a new grievance.

Is this their plan, to make getting and keeping public assistance so impossible for me that eventually I'll simply give up and pull out?

[beetlebum]

((hugs Doc))

Oh, and I have the perfect gif that describes your ex-wife.

http://images.paraorkut.com/img/graphics/6/100bitch2.gif

Cos she really is. :mad:

As for your blog, I will link to it on my LJ, as I am underway of adding links to it, as a way of sprucing it up a bit.

And, I know we can't take away all of your pain, but we're here for you if you need us. :smile:

[DocAbsurd]

Bump.

Court today. This wasn't simply a miscarriage of justice, this was an outright abortion.

She was granted yet ANOTHER fecking adjournment.

More later today. I'm too fecking pissed off and on the verge of complete exhaustion.

[OzBat!]

You have to wonder if they look at the history of adjournments or not; did they give any reasoning for the ruling? Or just "Woe is her?"

[Cam63]

Bugger... Maybe the Koala Mafia should be brought into it.

Good luck, Doc'.

[Hybrid2]

Damn!
I'm realy sorry Doc.

[the4thpip]

Bump.

Court today. This wasn't simply a miscarriage of justice, this was an outright abortion.

She was granted yet ANOTHER fecking adjournment.

More later today. I'm too fecking pissed off and on the verge of complete exhaustion.

Ugh. I'm really sorry.

[Charles RB]

She was granted yet ANOTHER fecking adjournment.

What the fucking hell?

Can you appeal this on the grounds that she's already had loads and kept fucking about?

[DocAbsurd]

I'm on my way to work for the day, so I'll have to make this quick. I promise more details tonight.

While in court, the Hag did a stupendous song and dance for the Magistrate (no small feat, considering her girth). She claimed she couldn't get a ride for all the previous adjournments; she hadn't worked since January last year when she was employed part-time at a grocery store; she still hadn't found a job.

Except I, without a car or dependable ride, made each and every single hearing.

Except that we got no child support last January; we got payments for 10 weeks during the summer last year but not in January.

Except I'm working 2 jobs, and if I can work, raise both the Things, take care of the house and pay bills AND child support for my other son . . .

She claims to have an appointment with the Volunteer Lawyer Program, which provides pro bono attorneys to certain situations and specific requirements. One of those requirements being that the opposing party must already have an attorney. Which I don't. I pointed that out to the Magistrate.

So the Magistrate gave her a referral for a state-appointed attorney instead.

All so the Hag can have her payments reduced back to last year. When the default decision was entered because she didn't bother showing up.

Now I was surprised to find the county was also sitting at my table. They apparently decided to file another petition on my behalf, as well as 2 of their own. With 4 petitions sitting on the bench, the magistrate decided to grant an adjournment for 2 weeks.

Fair? I think not.

[Alan Lynch]

Fuck me Doc, that's ridiculous. Sorry to hear it.

[Bo Bo]

Damn. sorry to hear this, how long can this go on?

I'm definately prayin for you and the Things Doc!

[Dreadstar]

Fair? I think not.

Yeah, if it weren't for the stark reality of your situation, I'd laugh at the idea of "fair."

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Damn this is insane. What is the court trying to do...make her be a better mother ? When as you have detailed she doesn't give a flying fuck. I pretty much think the old adage I heard about mothers getting the nod in custody or child care things is the truth now. I feel for ya Doc. I hope things work for you .

[Copper]

I'm on my way to work for the day, so I'll have to make this quick. I promise more details tonight.

While in court, the Hag did a stupendous song and dance for the Magistrate (no small feat, considering her girth). She claimed she couldn't get a ride for all the previous adjournments; she hadn't worked since January last year when she was employed part-time at a grocery store; she still hadn't found a job.

Except I, without a car or dependable ride, made each and every single hearing.

Except that we got no child support last January; we got payments for 10 weeks during the summer last year but not in January.

Except I'm working 2 jobs, and if I can work, raise both the Things, take care of the house and pay bills AND child support for my other son . . .

She claims to have an appointment with the Volunteer Lawyer Program, which provides pro bono attorneys to certain situations and specific requirements. One of those requirements being that the opposing party must already have an attorney. Which I don't. I pointed that out to the Magistrate.

So the Magistrate gave her a referral for a state-appointed attorney instead.

All so the Hag can have her payments reduced back to last year. When the default decision was entered because she didn't bother showing up.

Now I was surprised to find the county was also sitting at my table. They apparently decided to file another petition on my behalf, as well as 2 of their own. With 4 petitions sitting on the bench, the magistrate decided to grant an adjournment for 2 weeks.

Fair? I think not.


Holy--is it possible to get another magistrate? I would have thought that they would have said "no" to another adjournment at this point. (Well common sense would tell me that--apparently there's a shortage of that in this situation.)

[Sarah Beach]

Holy crap, Doc! I'm soooo sorry you have to go through this garbage. As you point out, there's really no excuse for her behavior, and yet she basically gets one.

Bah!

I hope they crush her for you in 2 weeks!

[Cam63]

I can't believe how badly your case has been handled.

Hang in there, mate.

[DocAbsurd]

Spoke to my caseworker yesterday morning -- for a full half hour. Not really sure if I understand the reasoning behind everything he explained, but here goes:

1) She's looking at jail-time between 3 to 6 months. That's why an adjournment was granted, to give her enough time to seek out an attorney. I dunno what an attorney is gonna be able to do; she can't dispute the money she owes, she can't get a reduction for arrears. And unless she lost a limb that has since spontaneously grown back, she'll have to give a damned good reason why she isn't working. And why she isn't at any of the jobs she's had previously. And 'I can't get a ride' or 'I didn't like the work' ain't good enough.

2) I guess I do have an attorney. The DSS is representing me and the county. That's why someone was at my bench during the hearing. 'Course, it woulda been nice if she actually introduced herself. 'Mr Absurd? I'm your representation today. I realize no-one's had the foresight to contact you and let you know in advance so we could briefly discuss a strategy, but the DSS has never been known for planning.'

3) In order for me to have an account with child support collections, I had to take the original order from the divorce, pay $10 and get a caseworker. Said caseworker was supposed to delegate the account. Said caseworker has since retired, but not before said delegated position was down-sized, leaving my case floundering in obscurity. My current caseworker has all my paperwork, except for the original receipt for $10; so he wants me to send him a copy of the receipt. Except he wouldn't even have my case if I hadn't filed that already. I have no idea what this is supposed to accomplish.

4) Because I have representation, I don't have to show up for the adjournment. Here's what he told me: 'Basically you have nothing to gain by being there. Sometimes I do ask the mother to show up and give evidence or statements against the father who owes support. But since you're the father who's owed support . . .' What the feck is that supposed to mean?

5) Now, even if we do start getting support payments from all this, DSS will give us $50 a month out of the $500 we're supposed to get. The rest will be taken to offset the pittance we're getting for public assistance. This still confuses the shite outta me. If we weren't owed child support, the assistance would be a grant; because we are owed, it's a gift we have to pay back. Here's the link (https://newyorkchildsupport.com/desk_review.html). So much for assistance. Kinda like giving someone a zimmer frame and pulling it away when they're trying to cross the street.

On top of all this, I also saw her driving while I was on my way to work. Twice. She has no license listed in NYS; her license was supposed to be suspended; she can't own a car until she's paid up. Yet there she was, sitting next to me at a stoplight.

Also found out the reason she can't be tracked down is cuz she's still using my last name. Poor bloated thing can't afford to get her social security card changed 3 years later. And she threw such a hissy during the divorce to get her maiden name back. Explains why I've been getting so much junk mail in her name.

Yeah, it's been a spectacular week.

[TomStillwell]

No matter what that court appointed counsel says, Doc, you show up at everything. No one represents your interests better than you.

[Hybrid2]

No matter what that court appointed counsel says, Doc, you show up at everything. No one represents your interests better than you.

Exactly.
The system has scrued you over to much for you to not show up.
Plus she could try using that against you.

[CutterMike]

No matter what that court appointed counsel says, Doc, you show up at everything. No one represents your interests better than you.

What he said!

[DocAbsurd]

Another court case, yet another adjournment. I've been back 4 times already since I first filed back in -- wait for it -- April, and now I've gotta return end of September.

This is the third time I was scheduled initially to work both jobs and had to call in to miss both. Now, add in what the bus costs, having the Things gone and not getting paid, I've lost $325 to get an enforcement on our child support.

But wait. It gets better.

Two days before the hearing, I got a notice in the mail: she filed for a reduction in child support. Too much of a strain on her finances she's claiming. Go ahead and laugh now cuz it doesn't get any better from here on.

I check our account online before I leave for court; 2 payments for half the normal court ordered weekly amount were made. Both on the same day. Obviously she's working now; amazing how she found one so quickly and just in the nick of time.

Court was at 2.00. I spoke to the county attorney for about 20 minutes; like I said before, she's looking at 6 months jail. Her arrears are nearing astronomical, and that's not including my spousal maintenance nor the Things' medical coverage. I agree to allowing regular payments of some sort for the next 12 months with the provision she doesn't miss 2 payments in a row. I mean, if she's parking her fat arse in a cell, she's not gonna be able to pay anything. And I figure the impending fear of jail hanging over her head might just straighten her out.

Yeah, right. Is it any wonder my faith in justice get shaken each and every single month?

The case was called into the courtroom sometime after 3.00, which meant well over an hour of fidgeting for me. Her attorney was as useful as tits onna bull. Mine entered our consideration for record, and it was pretty much accepted without question. Then the fun started.

The modification was brought up. A quick review of initial income was determined. The magistrate made a few inquiries about the original divorce decree, why the Hag agreed to such an amount, what happened to her previous employments. Then she turned to me. 'Mr Absurd,' she said,'what would you say to child support payments of $11.57?'

My jaw quite literally hit the desk. It was audible. I couldn't speak for at least half a minute. The original support was set for $125 a week; it seemed pretty reasonable considering my other son's support was set at $60 a week 15 years ago. But $12 a week? For both of the Things? That doesn't cover milk and cereal for them for a month. That's not even a dent in school supplies. I couldn't afford to keep one of them in clothing.

After my initial shock, I swallowed back my bile, held my venom in check, and replied, 'Your Honor, no-one has allowed me a reduction in raising 2 children.'

I saw my attorney nod his approval. Even the magistrate seemed fairly impressed with my answer. Don't get me wrong; I might've accepted a reduction to $100, mebbe even $75. But $12!?! That's barely 10% of the original agreement!

Okay, granted I'm pretty damned frugal. No, feck that, I'm cheap as hell. I watch what we spend; rent comes first, utilities next, their personal needs after. I haven't had a new pair of shoes in 6 years. I buy a pair of pants and 2 new shirts every other year. I haven't been to a doctor, dentist or optometrist in decades. The Things are always first, no exception.

I spend more than $54 a month on each them. Sometimes I spend more than that a week. So why the feck is an exception being made for her? She doesn't want to be involved in their lives, that's fine; I know they wouldn't want it any other way. But for chrissake, she should get at least part of the financial responsibility. $12 a week is an insult not just to me but to both of them. To be honest, I was angrier that the courts see my children worth such a minute sum than I was at how little they see my worth as a sole custodian.

In all my years involved in child support, I have never ever heard of anyone being granted so little support. That doesn't even begin to cover the cost of paperwork the county has to spend on this case.

Needless to say, I'm going back to court. Again. Fifth time for the same enforcement petition. The burden is entirely upon her; she's gotta provide proof as to why she's not working in the same capacity she was when we got divorced; she has to show why she hasn't been working regularly; she needs to show her expenses; she'll need evidence as to why support wasn't taken out of all the jobs the courts have recorded for her.

Meanwhile, I'm waiting for 2 skipped payments while I compile a list of each and every single media outlet and government official I can get hold of.

[Hybrid2]

Fight on!

Sorry all I can do is sent good vibe your way.:frown:

[CutterMike]

*GAH*!!!

"Your Honor, I don't mean this question to be rude; but would the Court seriously consider that amount if I were a single MOTHER trying her best to raise two children...?"

But, then, my mouth has gotten me in trouble before.

[DocAbsurd]

*GAH*!!!

"Your Honor, I don't mean this question to be rude; but would the Court seriously consider that amount if I were a single MOTHER trying her best to raise two children...?"

But, then, my mouth has gotten me in trouble before.

That was the second thought that shot through my head. Honest to God, I still marvel at the fact that I didn't shout that out.

But lemme tell you something, that is exactly how I intend to word each and every inquiry I send out to the media and government officials.

You know my sister actually asked me if this was all worth the fighting I'm doing? This coming from a woman who regularly gets sent out to fight court cases on behalf of Bank of America to reclaim property and financial damages from negligent homeowners.

There's a reason she'll never be a parent . . .

[schwamp]

Honest to gods, Doc, I hope to hell you're keeping records out the wazoo on all this, including the things you've written about it.

Why?

Because I think if you write it up, you'll have a very good-selling book on your hands.

I'm dead serious. WRITE IT UP. And start sending it to publishers. A lot of people, and especially a lot of single dads out there, would buy it. Read it. And maybe, increase the level of hue and cry to the point that somebody actually gets off their collective asses and *does* something about situations like yours.

Your story needs to be told: TELL it. (And if you made money off it, yay! I personally think you would.)

Get Oprah on it. Seriously, this is pretty amazing and damn depressing. It sickens me that people don't seem to know how to be responsible to their kids in situations like this. There is so much focus on the separation of the parents, and the kids become leverage, weapons to be used against the offending ex partner. Sadly, the state is never going to be able to get it right for you, even if they do go after her and garnish her wages, because they are grossly inefficient. You are to be praised for your strength and resolve to be a rock for your kids. I can only hope that your luck will turn and you will be able to move on with your life, and make the best of it for your kids sake.

[Sarah Beach]

Good grief, DocA! You had said it was a bad day, but I really had no idea!

My prayers and sympathies for you and the Things.

Makes me happy I gave into the impulse that I had. Hope matters improve!

[the4thpip]

You kept your compusure much better than I could have in face of that insult. Atta doc.

[Spike-X]

Holy crap, when is this c*** going to finally get what's coming to her? How many exceptions and adjournments and other crap is she going to be allowed to get away with?

why the feck is an exception being made for her?

Because she has a vagina.

[Alan Lynch]

Doc, you and the Things are in my thoughts. That's a shocking state of affairs alright, and God alone knows how you're managing not to fly off on one in court. You're a far bigger man than I, and I really hope you eventually get the result you - and your kids - deserve.

[Paradox]

Doc, this is one of the biggest miscarriages of justice I've ever been "witness" to (if only second hand). I'm sure the biggest part of it is because you're a MAN! Your district seems to be filled with archaic idiots. Even mentioning some of this stuff to my lawyer roommates has had their jaws hitting the floor. I don't know what to tell you to do from here, but rest assured you're not imagining how egregious this is. It's pathetic and scandalous. I really wish there was something more I could do besides just "be in your corner".

Sooo...steamed! :mad:

[Charles RB]

'Mr Absurd,' she said,'what would you say to child support payments of $11.57?'

What the FUCK?

[Typo Lad]

11.57 would be an insult if you had one child, let alone two. Hell, that doesn't even pay for a pair of shoes at the Goodwill.

[Bo Bo]

That's awful! Prayers and good thoughts are with you.

[Buzz Dixon]

Kudos to you, sir, for keeping your mouth shut long enough to avoid sticking your foot in it. We all have times when we say things we wish we hadn't; blessings and good fortune to you for your wise and measured response!

Keep up the good fight. Evil people do not feel constrained by rules and decency, so they do what they can to take advantage of the just and fair. It's a hard fight but don't let it grind you down.

[TCJohnson]

Sorry, but I am having such a hard time believing that the judge thought $11.57 would be enough that I have to wonder if you heard the judge wrong. 11.57? Really?

[Matt Doc Martin]

Sorry, but I am having such a hard time believing that the judge thought $11.57 would be enough that I have to wonder if you heard the judge wrong. 11.57? Really?

It's like they placed the decimal point at least 1 space to the left.

Bastiches.

My best wishes to a decent outcome for you, DocA.

[Spike-X]

'Mr Absurd,' she said,'what would you say to child support payments of $11.57?'

The only thing I could have thought of to say to that would have got me arrested on contempt of court charges. I admire the hell out of your restraint there, Doc.

[OzBat!]

I admire more the fact that he could come back with the line he did. I would have been rendered totally flumoxed by rage.

And that book idea is sounding better by the second.

[Sarah Beach]

'Mr Absurd,' she said,'what would you say to child support payments of $11.57?'

I don't know what I would have said on the spot, though I admire DocA's restraint.

After some thought, I've thought of some "reasonable" lines.

"$11.57? I'm expected to feed them a burger and fries ONCE A MONTH, and nothing else?"

"With all due respect to the court, $11.57 a month is NOT so-called 'support'."

"With all due respect to the court, how much does the magistrate pay for one day's food? Would the court consider that sufficient for one person for all meals in one day, nevermind two people, for at least 28 days of the month?"

The awful thing is that it seems like someone is treating this as if a token payment would be suffience - which might be the case if it was merely spousal support of a single individual with no children to care for. But as a payment for children that one is responsible for, if only financially, it is an insult. No matter the gender of the primary care parent.

[DocAbsurd]

The only thing I could have thought of to say to that would have got me arrested on contempt of court charges. I admire the hell out of your restraint there, Doc.

After talking to my attorney, I half expected this. This was hardly surprising, considering all the shite I've been thru lately.

Believe me, TC, I only wish I were mistaken. They now have a basic support list attached to each desk, and even by those new lower standards this was remarkable.

Here's a little secret:

Years and years ago, the Things got me a little gift from the gift shop at the Basillica. It's a little coin of St Joseph, patron saint of fathers. I've kept it in my pocket each and every single day, no exceptions. During these hearings, I have it in my left hand, flipping it over and over between my fingers. And when I hear this kinda fecking nonsense, all I need do is look at it and remember who I'm fighting for.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Man alive..... 12 bucks a week ? Thats not even enough for gas to take them to school a week ! Holy shit ...was that Judge high on crack cocaine ?

I admire your restraint. If that was me...I'd go ape shit. "Your honor , do you have kids ? Ok since you do I want you to not spend more than 12 dollars a week on them. Remember $6 bucks a piece..."

If I was you I'd wait around til the Judge finished and after you were outside ask him .. "Are you fucking mentally ill ? 12 bucks a week. Why not just grant her no child support since she's a woman and I'm a man you asshole."

[Paradox]

TCJohnson has the wrong guy:

Sorry, but I am having such a hard time believing that the judge thought $11.57 would be enough that I have to wonder if you heard the judge wrong. 11.57? Really?

I'm pretty sure judges don't comment on things like that, and was just passing along the other side's "offer".

[Cam63]

Never confuse law for justice.

[DocAbsurd]

I'm pretty sure judges don't comment on things like that, and was just passing along the other side's "offer".

That wasn't an offer from the ex, Dox. I watched the magistrate pull out a calculator; then she asked how much each of us made a week, punched in some figures and asked me if I agreed to the support reduction.

Hang on, lemme see if I can find the link for the guidelines.

Here's the online calculator (http://www.nyc.gov/html/hra/html/revenue_investigation/OCSE_child_support_calculator.shtml) for non-custodial parents.

And this is the link for the PDF (https://newyorkchildsupport.com/child_support_standards.html), direct from the NY Department of Child Support Enforcement.

I'm calling my caseworker(s) this morning. I got some other bad news yesterday that I'm kinda holding off on for the time being. More later.

[Paradox]

Oh, good lord. More injustice piled upon injustice. That's just nuts, then.

EDIT: According to reversing the calculations from that online one, it says she makes $2500 a year. Uhhhhhhh....

And at my nothing 22k a year job, I'd have to pay $95 a week.