"Oh, you must know all about..."

[BoosterBronze]

My degree is in comparitive religion. Whenever that comes up in conversation, people usually want to mention some pet topic of theirs.

The two most common are:

"I read this book The Da Vinci Code..."

or

I often get people's opinion about religious dietary laws, and how its funny that they were all based on rules of hygene (ie: don't eat pork, because its dangerous). This strikes me as funny since many times I recognize people as paraphrasing a Chris Rock routine, albeit not as a joke.

So I ask you, what's your education/training/knowledge in, and what do people always seems to say/ask you when they find out?

[Dom]

Oh, you're an accountant?

You must know all about taxes!
You must know all about this stock I want to buy!
You must know all about how to save me money!

[jessecuster3]

Oh, you work with computers:


Can you fix mine?
Why did I get this virus?
How do I do...?

[Michael P]

Oh, you know a lot about books?

Then what the fuck good are you?

[Dreadstar]

Oh, you work with computers:


Can you fix mine?
Why did I get this virus?
How do I do...?


That's mine, in a nutshell.

"Can't help you. Your computer cost less than $5 million. I don't work with numbers that small."

[Mac Danny]

Oh you work in toys! That must be like the movie BIG.

No... no it is not.

[GigaLeo]

"Oh, you're a graphic designer? Are you a draw-er too? You do draw? Yeah, that's what I asked! You do? Great, because I have this really awesome idea you just have to do, it'd be awesome, we'd make millions!
...
Pay you? Why the hell would I pay you anything, I thought you liked doing art. Whatever then!"

[Serik]

Oh, you're studying geology:

When is the next big one?
Will Mt. X erupt soon?
How much oil is left?
Is this extrusive igneous formation from the early Pliocene era?

[Lone Ranger]

I am a lawyer, but a I work in Securities and Corporate Law. I haven't stepped inside of a courtroom in 8 or 9 years.

Most people ask:

"Can I sue...

...my landlord.
...my ex.
...my ex's landlord."

Shit like that.

I always answer 'Yes'.

You really can sue just about anybody.

I haven't a freakin' clue whether or not they'll win, though.

Go ask a real lawyer.

[patrick r]

You work at a bank!

1. You can lend me some money then, right?

We have loan officers and credit qualifications for that request. I'll have someone call you.

2. Do you all roll around on the money in the vault?

Money is disgusting. You would freak out if you knew what all was actually on the money that was passed around. I'll give you the most common things found on almost 100% of money; bodily fluids, drugs and bacteria/viruses

Use your debit card!

[Ed Cunard]

"You're an English graduate student? Huh."

...

"Can I get that order to go?"

[Slam_Bradley]

I am a lawyer, but a I work in Securities and Corporate Law. I haven't stepped inside of a courtroom in 8 or 9 years.

Most people ask:

"Can I sue...

...my landlord.
...my ex.
...my ex's landlord."

Shit like that.

I always answer 'Yes'.

You really can sue just about anybody.

I haven't a freakin' clue whether or not they'll win, though.

Go ask a real lawyer.


It wouldn't matter if they did. They wouldn't believe what we told them. Their cousin's nephew's brother-in-law told them something different. And he took two paralegal courses so he knows.

[Lone Ranger]

It wouldn't matter if they did. They wouldn't believe what we told them. Their cousin's nephew's brother-in-law told them something different. And he took two paralegal courses so he knows.

Yup - I've heard that one a lot.

I love it when people ask me for my advice and then tell me I'm wrong.

[Paul McEnery]

My degree is in comparitive religion. Whenever that comes up in conversation, people usually want to mention some pet topic of theirs.

The two most common are:

"I read this book The Da Vinci Code..."

or

I often get people's opinion about religious dietary laws, and how its funny that they were all based on rules of hygene (ie: don't eat pork, because its dangerous).

[puff of sulphur]Oh yeah? Time you read some Mary Douglas, mate.[/puff of sulphur]

[Slam_Bradley]

Yup - I've heard that one a lot.

I love it when people ask me for my advice and then tell me I'm wrong.

If I had a buck for every time it's happened, I wouldn't have to practice any longer.

[macul]

Because I work in IT people assume I give a damn or know anything about iPods and computer graphics. They then scoff in disbelief when I tell them I know nothing about them nor do I care to. "What? You are IT aren't you!!?!?!!"

[thehod]

Ohhh you work for the railways?
You must know why my train is always late.


Its done just to piss you off. No other reason, just to piss you off.

[thespianphryne]

...today's specials.


-Das
is an actress.

[Spike-X]

Ohhh you work for the railways?
You must know why my train is always late.


Its done just to piss you off. No other reason, just to piss you off.
I knew it!!!

[Spike-X]

Oh, you work with computers:

Why did I get this virus?


The usual honest answer to that is, 'Because you're an idiot'.

[morna]

... so, is glass really made from sand?

... ever breathe IN? hehehe

... ever burn yourself?

[Justin D.]

As I'm sure the other people with English degrees (or ones like it like journalism) can say, I get this a lot if I mention it.

"Oh, well, I better watch what I say around you then! Don't want you correcting something stupid I might say."

Then, they often go on to list all the things they say that they think are so stupid that I'll jump on them about it.

Often, I say, "Yeah, I say that all the time too."

The fact that I'm an editor only exacerbates the problem.

Then again, I'm a technical editor and people automatically assume that's the same thing as technical writer. They make comments about technical stuff or their lack of math expertise or something else.

"I'm a technical editor. That means I don't know what the hell I'm editing most of the time."

[Mac Danny]

... so, is glass really made from sand?

... ever breathe IN? hehehe

... ever burn yourself?

.... So you must make a lot of Bongs..

[Mac Danny]

As I'm sure the other people with English degrees (or ones like it like journalism) can say, I get this a lot if I mention it.

"Oh, well, I better watch what I say around you then! Don't want you correcting something stupid I might say."

Then, they often go on to list all the things they say that they think are so stupid that I'll jump on them about it.

Often, I say, "Yeah, I say that all the time too."

The fact that I'm an editor only exacerbates the problem.

Then again, I'm a technical editor and people automatically assume that's the same thing as technical writer. They make comments about technical stuff or their lack of math expertise or something else.

"I'm a technical editor. That means I don't know what the hell I'm editing most of the time."

Usually when I encounter someone with English degree I usually say "Venti Decaf Vanilla Latte "

[Paul McEnery]

The usual honest answer to that is, 'Because you're an idiot'.

Because you stuck your floppy in the wrong slot.

[Paul McEnery]

As I'm sure the other people with English degrees (or ones like it like journalism) can say, I get this a lot if I mention it.

"Oh, well, I better watch what I say around you then! Don't want you correcting something stupid I might say."


"And that's thing number one: hackneyed; let's blue pencil that one, shall we?"

[Slam_Bradley]

Because you stuck your floppy in the wrong slot.


I thought that was the answer to the question: Why do most men get married?

[Michael P]

I thought that was the answer to the question: Why do most men get married?

No, that's "Because I didn't eject my disk before the data dump."

[Paul McEnery]

I thought that was the answer to the question: Why do most men get married?

No no. That's: Because chicks dig married men.

[Paul McEnery]

No, that's "Because I didn't eject my disk before the data dump."

Your tech fu shames me.

You must know all about IT metaphors for sex. I shall consult you for all future punchlines.

[Aaron Kashtan]

"You're an English graduate student? Huh."

...

"Can I get that order to go?"

Or alternately, "What are you going to do with a Ph.D. in comics?" which is a slightly nicer version of the same thing.

[Paul McEnery]

Or alternately, "What are you going to do with a Ph.D. in comics?" which is a slightly nicer version of the same thing.

Paying that much for toilet paper only shows how much class you have.

[Ed Cunard]

Or alternately, "What are you going to do with a Ph.D. in comics?" which is a slightly nicer version of the same thing.

HA HA HA--YOU ARE EVEN NERDIER THAN I AM.

[Athena Bast]

Kinda similiar, since I work in a book store I must have read every book in existance.

[jessecuster3]

Kinda similiar, since I work in a book store I must have read every book in existance.

Maybe that also has to do with looking like you have no life.








:biggrin:

[Paul McEnery]

Kinda similiar, since I work in a book store I must have read every book in existance.

No, but I bet you know that book I want, you know, it's got a kind of a green cover, and it was on NPR last week, or maybe the week before, oh, you know the one I mean, it's got that woman in it, the one with the, with the, with the THING!

[Athena Bast]

No, but I bet you know that book I want, you know, it's got a kind of a green cover, and it was on NPR last week, or maybe the week before, oh, you know the one I mean, it's got that woman in it, the one with the, with the, with the THING!

TMI! Usually it's the blue one that was on the radio by that guy who that other book.

[Pól Rua]

Oh, you work with computers:

Why did I get this virus?

You pay a buck for a blowjob, you take your chances.

[Paul McEnery]

TMI! Usually it's the blue one that was on the radio by that guy who that other book.

Oh yeah, that's the one I meant!

[Pól Rua]

"What do you think of the X-Men movies?"

"Who do you think should be the bad guy in the next Spider-Man film?"

"Have you read ALL of these?"

"How much is this comic worth?"

"Do you buy comics?"

"Do you buy sports trading cards?"

"Do you know anywhere that DOES buy sports trading cards?"

[Pól Rua]

TMI! Usually it's the blue one that was on the radio by that guy who that other book.

The best one of those I ever got (and this is without a shadow of a lie):

"Last night, I was watching this DVD, and they had this trailer on for this movie before it, and it looked pretty good. Do you have it?"

On being asked the guy had no idea what the DVD was he was watching, what it was called, what it was about, ditto the trailer.
I had to sit down, my legs went weak in the presence of that much raw dumb.

[Aaron Kashtan]

Paying that much for toilet paper only shows how much class you have.

My future diploma may or may not be toilet paper, but I'm not paying for it. I have a fellowship and a tuition waiver, which is enough to live on, although I'm not exactly getting rich.

[Chris N]

So I ask you, what's your education/training/knowledge in, and what do people always seems to say/ask you when they find out?

I study math.

Common responses:
"I hate math."
"Oh, I suck at math."
"Hey, calculate the tip for me."



Heh. My department thought about getting this on a t-shirt once:

After I tell you that I study math, will you promise not to make a
frightened face, tell me how bad at math you are, and make it clear that you
think we're far too different from one another to hold a normal
conversation? Why are you looking at me like that?

[Sabrina_Fried]

You work in publishing!

Can you get my fanfic published?

How rich are most authors? (depressingly poor)

Can you help me meet X (random popular writer)?

Do you know X famous editor personally?

Have you read every single book, comic book, newspaper, magazine and scholarly journal in existence?

Oh, since you also do some editing stuff, can you have a look at my horrid manuscript that I haven't even gone over with MS spellchecker yet? What? Pay you? why would I need to do that? We're friends right? But I think I can become real rich if you help me publish this manuscript.

Sabrina

[Dan Apodaca]

Did you hear the last Eric Clapton album?

You should get your stuff on the radio.

I saw the Rolling Stones two years ago!

[Dan Apodaca]

"Where do you guys play?"

[mattx110]

"Ok, clone me, bigshot."

[Melchior]

Kinda similiar, since I work in a book store I must have read every book in existance.

Amen to that. Same with libraries as well. What I especially hate is the assumption that said reading makes you a master at every field in the store, and start pumping me for legal advice/stock advice/construction advice/knitting advice/juggling advice/political leanings and the like. Then they get upset since you're not giving them free consultation.

Strangely enough, I have an okay rate at the ol' "It's a (color) book about (vague subject)" if I get more than one or two requests on it.

Other popular questions (and answers):

Q: Why aren't the Oprah books together?
A: Because we put them where their authors actually want them to be put. Was there any one in particular you were looking for?

Q: Where are your bestsellers?
A: At the front of the store (which you walked by to enter, pretty much 8 feet from the middle of the door). Follow me, let me show you.

Q: Did you know there is a walrus on your head?
A: Ku Ku Ke-chu!

[Justin D.]

"Where do you guys play?"

That's a good question, dumbass.

[Chris N]

"What do you think of the X-Men movies?"

"Who do you think should be the bad guy in the next Spider-Man film?"

"Have you read ALL of these?"

"How much is this comic worth?"

"Do you buy comics?"

"Do you buy sports trading cards?"

"Do you know anywhere that DOES buy sports trading cards?"

I worked in a comic store, so know all those questions. Hell, without working in a comic store, I get the first four plenty.

"Hey, I found a bunch of comics at a garage sale. Wanna look at them and tell me what they're worth?" (Obviously they're all from the early '90s)

[Paradox]

"You work in a hotel, so you must be able to get me cheap rooms!"

No, I can get ME cheap rooms. You don't work here, why would you get an employee discount?

[Dan Apodaca]

That's a good question, dumbass.

No, they're not asking where our next show is. They're asking what places we play at. Past shows, not future ones.

Which is a stupid question, because, like most bands, we play wherever people will have us. It's not like we play at the same venue every time, let alone the same city.

"Where's your next show?" is a great question. I'm happy to hear it.

"Where do you guys play?" is a stupid question that can't be answered sensibly.

[mattx110]

No, they're not asking where our next show is. They're asking what places we play at. Past shows, not future ones.

Which is a stupid question, because, like most bands, we play wherever people will have us. It's not like we play at the same venue every time, let alone the same city.

"Where's your next show?" is a great question. I'm happy to hear it.

"Where do you guys play?" is a stupid question that can't be answered sensibly.
If you never play at the same place twice, you suck.

sorry.

[Dan Apodaca]

If you never play at the same place twice, you suck.

sorry.

You misread. We've repeated venues plenty of times. I said we don't play at the same place every time. We play at lots of different places, because that's how you reach a broader audience.

So, sorry, but you suck.

[mattx110]

You misread. We've repeated venues plenty of times. I said we don't play at the same place every time. We play at lots of different places, because that's how you reach a broader audience.

So, sorry, but you suck.
I think we need to have a shred-off to settle this...:cool:

[Paradox]

Dan Apodaca isn't getting it:

You misread. We've repeated venues plenty of times. I said we don't play at the same place every time. We play at lots of different places, because that's how you reach a broader audience.

So, sorry, but you suck.

They're not asking what you think they're asking. Or at least not coming up with the right answer, which would be "nowhere on a regular basis, but when we're in town we're usually at X, Y, or Z". You're making the answer too hard. I mean, it's usually some drunk asking you, why make it seem more complicated than it is?

[Dan Apodaca]

They're not asking what you think they're asking. Or at least not coming up with the right answer, which would be "nowhere on a regular basis, but when we're in town we're usually at X, Y, or Z". You're making the answer too hard. I mean, it's usually some drunk asking you, why make it seem more complicated than it is?

More wrong. But please, if anyone else feels like giving me specific advice based on assumptions, go right ahead.

That is exactly how I answer the question. "We play all around, from The Knitting Factory to Spaceland, and lots of other places. Anywhere that people want to listen."

And it's usually strangers outside of the environment who ask, trying to make small talk. They're applying the logic of another industry to our own, but it doesn't really fit. If it's someone at a bar, or after a show, I'm giving them a CD and a URL, and telling them how to see us again. Drunk people don't ask that question. They ask stuff like "So, who's your favorite drummer?"

[Sanagi]

Oh, you know a lot about books?

Then what the fuck good are you?
Replace books with music / English / every skill I've ever acquired in my life.

[Paradox]

Dan Apodaca adds more:

More wrong. But please, if anyone else feels like giving me specific advice based on assumptions, go right ahead.

Just working with what was given. More explanation is fine.


That is exactly how I answer the question. "We play all around, from The Knitting Factory to Spaceland, and lots of other places. Anywhere that people want to listen."

OK, we agree there.


And it's usually strangers outside of the environment who ask, trying to make small talk. They're applying the logic of another industry to our own, but it doesn't really fit.

Ah, then that's more specific and understandable. You don't really hate the question, just in certain circumstances. Got it.

[howyadoin]

No, they're not asking where our next show is. They're asking what places we play at. Past shows, not future ones.Wouldn't that be "Where did you guys play?", then?

[Dan Apodaca]

Ah, then that's more specific and understandable. You don't really hate the question, just in certain circumstances. Got it.

Well, I do hate the question, it's just that I specifically hate that phrasing. When someone asks me where we've played, that's a different question. But when you ask where we play, it implies that we only hang around one or two places. Or we're a house band or something.

Maybe it's just different in L.A., but if you only stick to a select area, you're cutting yourself off from a ton of potential fans. It's a commuter city and people are lazy. They want you to be near them, despite being spread out all over the place. You play in the valley and the downtowners bitch. You play in Burbank and the Hollywood crowd complains. You play in Hollywood and the Santa Monica people grouse.

So, we end up doing a lot of traveling, just within what's considered "L.A."

[Dan Apodaca]

Wouldn't that be "Where did you guys play?", then?

It should be. At least, that's what would make sense to me.

[howyadoin]

It should be. At least, that's what would make sense to me.Ah, now I get it.

[Paradox]

Dan Apodaca has specific hatred:

Well, I do hate the question, it's just that I specifically hate that phrasing. When someone asks me where we've played, that's a different question. But when you ask where we play, it implies that we only hang around one or two places. Or we're a house band or something.

You're the only musician I've heard from that would take it that way (and, yes, I know many musicians). "Where do you play?" doesn't ordinarily have the connotations you're adding in. Nothing in there says "What specific place to you perform in all the time?" Mostly it actually MEANS "Where can I see you play?" Except in the small-talk thing you mentioned, where it means "I'm continuing the conversation politely and probably have no intention of ever going to see you." :biggrin:

[Dan Apodaca]

You're the only musician I've heard from that would take it that way (and, yes, I know many musicians). "Where do you play?" doesn't ordinarily have the connotations you're adding in. Nothing in there says "What specific place to you perform in all the time?" Mostly it actually MEANS "Where can I see you play?" Except in the small-talk thing you mentioned, where it means "I'm continuing the conversation politely and probably have no intention of ever going to see you." :biggrin:

It is entirely possible that my hyper-analytical brain is reading too much into what people say.

[Paradox]

Dan Apodaca will just hurt his head:

It is entirely possible that my hyper-analytical brain is reading too much into what people say.

Gah, don't do THAT! You'll almost always give people too much credit for being clever or meaningful when it's usually that they just don't speak their freakin' native language very well.

[Mac Danny]

My future diploma may or may not be toilet paper, but I'm not paying for it. I have a fellowship and a tuition waiver, which is enough to live on, although I'm not exactly getting rich.

I have two BFA degrees. This means I can have a friend over for dinner and have placemats for both of us.

According to legend, one year the RISD diploma was made out of Gingerbread. This would be slightly more useful than my paper one since I could have eaten it.

[Mac Danny]

I think the question I get asked a lot.. Well enough that I would remark on it. The question I get asked the most is..

Can a woman get pregnant without intercourse.


My answer is always the same. I say well, were gonna have to go all the way back to the Civil War..






A coke and +10 points to anyone who knows where this is from.

[glue]

Most of the people I socialize with are co-workers, so I don't get any field-related questions. I do get a lot of legal questions, though, since my parents are lawyers. They're always criminal or divorce related, and neither of my parents do those types of cases. People can't seem to comprehend that all lawyers don't do all types of cases.

[jessecuster3]

I think the question I get asked a lot.. Well enough that I would remark on it. The question I get asked the most is..

Can a woman get pregnant without intercourse.


My answer is always the same. I say well, were gonna have to go all the way back to the Civil War..






A coke and +10 points to anyone who knows where this is from.


sorry I am not that big of a Tom Waits fan.

[Mac Danny]

sorry I am not that big of a Tom Waits fan.

But you Know it's a Waits quote... Good!


I love using "enough that I would remark on it" in conversation

[Jared H.]

I think the question I get asked a lot.. Well enough that I would remark on it. The question I get asked the most is..

Can a woman get pregnant without intercourse.


My answer is always the same. I say well, were gonna have to go all the way back to the Civil War.







A coke and +10 points to anyone who knows where this is from.



Tom Waits aside, there's that Mythbusters myth about a bullet that hit a guy's junk, then imbedded itself into a woman's uterus and impregnated her.

Bullet Baby (http://urbanlegendsonline.com/medical/civilwarbulletbaby.html).

[Slam_Bradley]

You're the only musician I've heard from that would take it that way (and, yes, I know many musicians). "Where do you play?" doesn't ordinarily have the connotations you're adding in. Nothing in there says "What specific place to you perform in all the time?" Mostly it actually MEANS "Where can I see you play?" Except in the small-talk thing you mentioned, where it means "I'm continuing the conversation politely and probably have no intention of ever going to see you." :biggrin:


That's been my experience as well. And I managed a friends band for about three years.

[Paul McEnery]

I think the question I get asked a lot.. Well enough that I would remark on it. The question I get asked the most is..

Can a woman get pregnant without intercourse.


My answer is always the same. I say well, were gonna have to go all the way back to the Civil War..






A coke and +10 points to anyone who knows where this is from.

It's in the movie of the show, for a start.

[zilch]

So... you work in a factory packaging sunflower seeds....

Boy, you must really like sunflower seeds!

Actually, i cant stand them.

You must get to eat all you want...

See above. Its the "fish and a bicycle" thing.

Can i have some?

Shure.. theyre out in the car.

[Paul McEnery]

So... you work in a factory packaging sunflower seeds....

Boy, you must really like sunflower seeds!

Actually, i cant stand them.

You must get to eat all you want...

See above. Its the "fish and a bicycle" thing.

Can i have some?

Shure.. theyre out in the car.

You have a fish and a bicycle in your car?

[BlairH]

Yup - I've heard that one a lot.

I love it when people ask me for my advice and then tell me I'm wrong.

My favorite questions always start with "Isn't there some law somewhere that says that you can...?"

Almost every single time I introduce myself to somebody new, they'll ask me what I do. When I say "I'm studying law", it's an absolute sure thing that they'll say "what kind of law?" They usually scowl at me when I reply "all of them."

[Paul McEnery]

My favorite questions always start with "Isn't there some law somewhere that says that you can...?"

Almost every single time I introduce myself to somebody new, they'll ask me what I do. When I say "I'm studying law", it's an absolute sure thing that they'll say "what kind of law?" They usually scowl at me when I reply "all of them."

"The law of averages. And you're not up to code."

[Slam_Bradley]

My favorite questions always start with "Isn't there some law somewhere that says that you can...?"

Almost every single time I introduce myself to somebody new, they'll ask me what I do. When I say "I'm studying law", it's an absolute sure thing that they'll say "what kind of law?" They usually scowl at me when I reply "all of them."


Usually when someone asks what kind of law I practice I tell them "door law."

??

Whatever walks in the door.

[Mac Danny]

Usually when someone asks what kind of law I practice I tell them "door law."

??

Whatever walks in the door.

I routinely practice Murphy's Law.

[howyadoin]

sorry I am not that big of a Tom Waits fan.You should be sorry.

[jessecuster3]

You should be sorry.

I didn't say I don't like him, I just don't listen to him that often.

[mattx110]

I'm calling you out dude, I'm serious about that shred-off...

Unaccompanied. No distortion. First man to use a trem-bar loses.

[Athena Bast]

Amen to that. Same with libraries as well. What I especially hate is the assumption that said reading makes you a master at every field in the store, and start pumping me for legal advice/stock advice/construction advice/knitting advice/juggling advice/political leanings and the like. Then they get upset since you're not giving them free consultation.

Strangely enough, I have an okay rate at the ol' "It's a (color) book about (vague subject)" if I get more than one or two requests on it.

Other popular questions (and answers):

Q: Why aren't the Oprah books together?
A: Because we put them where their authors actually want them to be put. Was there any one in particular you were looking for?

Q: Where are your bestsellers?
A: At the front of the store (which you walked by to enter, pretty much 8 feet from the middle of the door). Follow me, let me show you.

Q: Did you know there is a walrus on your head?
A: Ku Ku Ke-chu!

I had one woman ask me why we had all of our books in the same place. She wanted us to have all the hardcovers in one spot. All the trade sizes in another and all the mass market sizes in another. I told her we'd take it under advisement.

[mattx110]

I had one woman ask me why we had all of our books in the same place. She wanted us to have all the hardcovers in one spot. All the trade sizes in another and all the mass market sizes in another. I told her we'd take it under advisement.
some stores do have those "hardcover" sections when they're on sale or close-out. They suck. I like a book that shows some wear and tear.

[jade_nova]

You work in a video store. You must have watched all these movies.

[Donald M.]

Thank goodness I have no appreciable skills or knowledge that anyone might wish to annoy me about.

[jessecuster3]

You work in a video store. You must have watched all these movies.

Actually when I worked in a video store I had seen almost every one of their movies.

[mikekerr3]

I'm retire frm the Air Force

"what kind of jet did you fly?"