"I Am Familiar With the Works of Pablo Neruda ": The Simpsons Quote Thread

[The Ray]

Every board needs one:

" Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel. "

" Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems. "

" Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. "

and of course…

Lisa: " Bart, Pablo Neruda said, ' Laughter is the language of the soul.' "
Bart: "I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda. "

[Bo Bo]

well I have to add "Ahoy hoy!" :D

and my all time favourite, "Me fail english, that's unpossible!"

[BnL]

“I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!”

.................................................. .......

Marge: "Homer! There's someone here who can help you..."
Homer: "Is it Batman?"
Marge: "No, he's a scientist."
Homer: "Batman's a scientist."
Marge: "It's not Batman!"

[a. non]

"They call them fingers, but i never see them fing...Oh there they go."

"No beer and no TV make Homer something something."
"Go crazy?"
"Don't mind if I do!"

[Michael P]

"There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!"

[Charles RB]

"Is the mob getting louder or just dumber?"

"*checks* Dumber, sir."

[Michael P]

Matt Groening's favorite Simpsons line:

"I call the big one Bitey."

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Matt Groening's favorite Simpsons line:

"I call the big one Bitey."

My Mom's too, I think.

Ringo Starr's favorite:

"Please don't eat me; I've got a wife & kids. Eat them!"

[dogzilla]

Marge: Kids can be so cruel
Bart: We can? Thanks Mom!

[Tetsuo_man]

Homer: My name is Mr. Burns and I believe you have a letter for me.

Teller: Ok Mr. Burns now what is your first name?

Homer: I don't know.

[Jeff Brady]

"You play God all the time - just look at the octo-parrot over there!"

"Sqwaak! Polly shouldn't be!"

[JKCarrier]

Lisa: " Bart, Pablo Neruda said, ' Laughter is the language of the soul.' "
Bart: "I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda. "

That reminds me of Ralph Wiggum going on about the "ABC's of science fiction: Asimov, Bester, and Clarke!" Another kid asks him about Ray Bradbury, and he replies with a dismissive "I am familiar with his work."

[Sanagi]

Lenny: So long dental plan!

Voices in Homer's brain: Dental plan! Lisa needs braces. Dental plan! Lisa needs braces. Dental plan! Lisa needs braces. Dental plan! Lisa needs braces. Dental plan!

Homer: Wait a minute...

[Spike-X]

That reminds me of Ralph Wiggum going on about the "ABC's of science fiction: Asimov, Bester, and Clarke!" Another kid asks him about Ray Bradbury, and he replies with a dismissive "I am familiar with his work."
Surely you're thinking of Martin Prince?

[the4thpip]

Marge: Homer, there is a man here that I think can help us.

Homer: Is it Batman?

Marge: No, Homey, it's a scientist.

Homer: Batman is a scientist!

Marge: It's. Not. Batman!!!

[Spike-X]

Marge: Homer, there is a man here that I think can help us.

Homer: Is it Batman?

Marge: No, Homey, it's a scientist.

Homer: Batman is a scientist!

Marge: It's. Not. Batman!!!
*ahem* (http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showpost.php?p=6578145&postcount=3)



.

[Bouncing Boy]

"Col. Klink! Why have you forsaken me?"

"Begin the thawing of Jim Nabors!"

"Oh Lisa, you and your imagination...'Bart is a vampire,' 'Beer kills brain cells.' Now lets go back to that...building thingie...where our beds and TV...is"

[Bouncing Boy]

*ahem* (http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showpost.php?p=6578145&postcount=3)



.

Funny, I missed that too. the separation made me think it was BnL's signature

[saintsaucey]

Miss Crabapple: Well at least I tried to teach them Roman numerals

later

Bart: Roman numerals, they didn't even try to teach us these, lets see Rocky II plus Rocky V, equals Rocky VII Adrian's revenge.

[Solaris]

Apu: Shiva H. Vishnu!

***

Homer: God bless those pagans.

***

Marge: Bart, stop pestering Satan!

***

Stage hand: Come on people, someone ordered the London Symphony Orchestra. Possibly while high... Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction.

***

Leonard Nimoy: I think this vessel could do at least warp 5.
Quimby: Yes, and may the force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Quimby: Of course I do. Werent you one of the little rascals?

***

Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."

***

Comic Book Guy: That is a rare photo of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore.

***

Comic Book Guy: Stop right there! I have the only working phaser ever built. It was fired only once to keep William Shatner from making another album.

***

Comic Book Guy: Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

***

Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

***

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

***

[Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh.

***

Announcer: Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.
Wiggum (checking): Well I'll be damned.

[the4thpip]

*ahem* (http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showpost.php?p=6578145&postcount=3)



.

Ah. Looked like a sig. I always skip sigs.

Sorry bout that.

[Alex L]

I have sigs turned off.

"But for that ending [Smithers shooting Burns] to work, you'd have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. And that would be just plain nutty."

I bent my Wookie.

[Charles RB]

"Do my worst, eh? Smithers - release the robotic Richard Simmons..."

[Alan Lynch]

"Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Tute on son, tute on!"

"Think of the property values! Now we can never say only straight people have been in this house."

Reporter: Mr. de Beaumarchais, is the rumor true that you are really a Hindu?
Apu: By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie!

[JohnPopa]

Sideshow Bob: Oh, I see, When it's one of my schemes you can't foil it fast enough, but when Cecil tries to kill you - 'It's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless.'

Comic Shop Guy: Are you the creator of 'Hi and Lois' because you are making me LAUGH.

[Charles RB]

"But Aquaman - you cannot marry a woman without gills! You're from two different worlds! ...ooo, I've wasted my life."

"There's another unsubstantiated UFO sighting, we have to get there right away."
"Well, gee Mulder, there's also an illegal shipment of drugs and weaponry coming into New Jersey tomorrow night."
"Pbbt! I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that."

[Charles RB]

"That's Homer Simpson, sir. Every significant event in your life for the past few years has been tied into him in some way."
"Simpson, eh?"

[JKCarrier]

Surely you're thinking of Martin Prince?

D'oh! For some reason I always get those two mixed up.

[Jeff Brady]

Naturally:

"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"

[Alan Lynch]

"That is some outfit Scoey. It makes you look like a homosexual.

(Audience boos)

Maybe you all are homosexuals too."

Ranier Wolfcastle is glorious.

[Yoda]

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!

Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.

Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

[Wonder Watcher]

Homer : "Operator!. Give me the number for 911!!"

[Bo Bo]

"Duffman can't breath, oh no!"

"Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!"

"Grease me up lassie!"

[Tetsuo_man]

Grampa: "Alright, lets see, first name, first name. Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answers to all the important questions. Call me Abraham Simpson."

Lisa: "Grampa, how'd you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?"

Grampa: "I don't know!"
*
Grampa: "I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and, where are you going?"

Homer: "Dad, we'd love to stay here and listen to your amusing antidote, but we have to take these coins to the mall and spend em!"

[story continues at the mall]


Grampa: "Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball."
*
and my favorite grampa quote of all

FBI Guy: "Freeze. FBI. The jig is up."

Grampa: "Alright, I admit it! I am the Lindbergh baby! Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly fly dada."

FBI Guy: "Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?"

Grampa: "A little from column A, a little from column B."

[HomerJay]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/HomerJay64/simp8.jpg
Mark McGwire: "Do you want to learn the horrifying truth...or do you want to see me sock some dingers?"
Everyone: "DINGERS!!"

Maybe my all-time fav:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/HomerJay64/kent-2.jpg

[Aggie]

i agree, every message board needs a simpson's quote thread... :)

jimbo: duuude, you kissed a girl, that's so gay.

lenny: "the doctor said i'm not su'posed to get jigs in my eyes.

*homer looking at the his palms* "lenny, white; carl, black..."

lenny: "maya angelou, you're a national treasure."

those are the ones that i can think of off the top of my head...

[Michael P]

Maybe my all-time fav:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/HomerJay64/kent-2.jpg

Of course, Kent's greatest moment is:

“Ladies and gentlemen, er, we’ve just lost the picture, but, uh, what we’ve seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has been taken over — ‘conquered’, if you will — by a master race of giant space ants. It’s difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to…toil in their underground sugar caves.”

[LewisH]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you?
Kang: It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed. Doomed. Doomed.
Kent Brockman: Well, a refreshing bit of candor from Senator Bob Dole.

[The Ray]

"Do my worst, eh? Smithers - release the robotic Richard Simmons..."

" His ass is going to explode! "

[Tobias March]

Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[BnL]

Lisa: "Next time we fall asleep we could die!"
Grandpa Simpson: "Welcome to my world!" *snore*

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Shop owner: "We sell forbidden objects, from places where men fear to tread... we also sell frozen yogurt; which I call frogurt."

Shop owner (takes Talking Krusty doll off shelf, gives to Homer): "Take this object. But beware: it carries a terrible curse."

Homer: "That's bad."

Shop owner: "But it comes with a free frogurt."

Homer: "That's good."

Shop owner: "The frogurt is also cursed."

Homer: "That's bad."

Shop owner: "But you get your choice of topping."

Homer: "That's good."

Shop owner: "The toppings contain potassium benzoate."

Homer: "..."

Shop owner: "That's bad."

Homer: "Can I go now?"


Carl: "Hey, I hear we're goin' to Ape Island."

Lenny: "Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island instead."

Charlie: "Candy Apple Island? What do they have there?"

Carl: "Apes. But they're not so big."

[Michael P]

Judge: Lisa Simpson, I sentence you to a lifetime imprisonment on... MONSTER ISLAND!
Lisa: *gasp*
Judge: Don't worry, it's just a name.
*cut to Lisa and some other people being chased by monsters*
Lisa: He said it was just a name!
Man: What he meant was, Monster Island is actually a peninsula!

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Homer: "Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!"



Mr. Burns: "Smithers, I've invented a new plane; I call it The Spruce Moose. And it will carry 200 passengers from New York's Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in 17 minutes!"

Smithers: "That's a very nice model, sir."

Mr. Burns: "Model?"


Mr. Burns: "Now, to the Plant! We'll take The Spruce Moose! Hop in, Smithers!"

Smithers: "But sir..."

Mr. Burns: (cocks gun at Smithers's head) "I said HOP IN."

[Michael P]

Homer: "Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!"



Mr. Burns: "Smithers, I've invented a new plane; I call it The Spruce Moose. And it will carry 200 passengers from New York's Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in 17 minutes!"

Smithers: "That's a very nice model, sir."

Mr. Burns: "Model?"


Mr. Burns: "Now, to the Plant! We'll take The Spruce Moose! Hop in, Smithers!"

Smithers: "But sir..."

Mr. Burns: (cocks gun at Smithers's head) "I said HOP IN."

"Freemasons run the country!"

Burns slowly turning into Howard Hughes was hilarious.

[Aggie]

grandpa simpson: "Now, my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say ‘dickety’ ’cause the Kaiser had stolen our word ‘twenty'"...

[a. non]

Kodos: Well, Kang, it seems the earthlings won.
Kang: Did they? That board with a nail in it may have defeated us. But the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big, it will destroy them all!

*after The Ramones performed*
Mr. Burns: Have The Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: Sir, those aren't--
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!

Mr. Burns: Bobo, I know I say this every century, but I'll never leave you behind again.

Comic Book Guy: Worst ending ever.

[DaeJi]

Mr. Burns: Place of birth... P A N G E A.

Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding ...

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Bart: Milhouse, what happened?! You were supposed to be watching the factory!
Milhouse: I was watchin'. First it started to fall over, then it fell over.

Milhouse: I'm not a nerd, Bart. Nerds are smart.

Ned Flanders: I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

[Grazzt]

Mr. Burns (filling out a form): "Cause of parents' deaths"? Got in my way.

[stealthwise]

Homer: My ears are burning...

Lisa: Um, we weren't talking about you, Dad.

Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-Tip.

------

Marge: Do you notice something different about Bart?

Homer: New glasses?

Marge: No... that's not it.

Homer: Probably misses his old glasses...

------

Our lemons! We can't spare a single one!

*start pelting the Shelbyville kids with lemons*

[The Ray]

" Release the hounds. "

[Chiroptera]

Abe: DEATH!
Lisa: That's a lamp, Grampa.
Abe: Oh... AH! DEEEEATH!
Lisa: That's Maggie.
Abe: Oops. DEEEEEATH!
Lisa: That's the dog.
Abe: *embarrased chuckle* AH!! DEEEEEATH!
Lisa: That's Maggie again, Grampa.

[mgs]

" Release the hounds. "

damn, that's the one I was thinking of. ;)

also, "watch out, Radioactive Man!" and "my eyes! the goggles, they do nothing!"
love that episode. :D

[Tad Sivana]

My favorite (and my wife's),
Homer: "Sorry, Marge - I wasn't listening to whatever the Hell it was you were talking about."

[Typo Lad]

"Something said, not good."

"I'm not a praying man but if you're out there, save me Superman!!!"

"Ever been to the dentist?"
"Yeah"
"Not me."

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Marge: "Aren't you coming, Ed?"

Ed Begley Jr: "I prefer a vehicle that doesn't hurt Mother Earth. It's a go-cart powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction."

[EZMOHR]

Bart: Dad, You Killed the Zombie Flanders.
Homer: He was a Zombie?

Don't know if exact quote, but that segment just kills me. "Eat Lead Einstein." "Shows Over Shakespere."

[Chiroptera]

"Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare!?"

[Tyr]

I'm surprised we haven't seen this one yet....

Groundskeeper Willie: Lunch lady Doris have 'ye got any grease? Well then grease me up woman!

[Tobias March]

Possibly Meryle Streep's greatest role...

"You can't trust your perceptions at this altitude!"

[Michael P]

Possibly Meryle Streep's greatest role...

"You can't trust your perceptions at this altitude!"

"Even if you do tell, no one will believe you. Because I'm the sweet, perfect minister's daughter, and you're just yellow trash."

[Alex L]

Squeeky-Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, Mister. Whoops. It fell in the fryer. I'll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow-w-w! Ow-w-w!
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, sir.
Krusty the Clown: I don't want it!
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: But this comes out of my salary! If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me.

[slayer2005]

Ralph: Hi Lisa. Hi Principal Skinner. Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers.

[Astonishing X-Fan]

Agent: Tell you what, sir. From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practise a bit, hmm? When I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Homer: Check.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]

[A long time later]

Agent: [sighs in frustration] Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson! [stomps on Homer's foot a few times]
Homer: [stares blankly]
Homer: [to other agent] I think he's talking to you.

[BnL]

Homer: Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun?! Well, I didn't hear anyone laughing, did YOU??

[Alex L]

Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place
"Moe's" you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind?

Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar!
But what else is open at night?

Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

[Linkara]

"The only monster here is the one that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time we rescued her from his neon claws!"

I SO want this in a wav or MP3.

[The Xenos]

After Homer was watching Fox news, he comments, "Did you know that every day, gay Mexicans sneak into this country and unplug brain-dead ladies?"

Of course the funniest thing was that we were watching it with a part Mexican friend who had recently come out of the closet. Though he hasn't killed any brain dead ladies.... yet.

[Solaris]

After Homer was watching Fox news, he comments, "Did you know that every day, gay Mexicans sneak into this country and unplug brain-dead ladies?"

Of course the funniest thing was that we were watching it with a part Mexican friend who had recently come out of the closet. Though he hasn't killed any brain dead ladies.... yet.

So, did he laugh?

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

"The only monster here is the one that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time we rescued her from his neon claws!"

I SO want this in a wav or MP3.

Yeah, another reason why that whole "$pringfield" ep was pure gold.

[Michael P]

Yeah, another reason why that whole "$pringfield" ep was pure gold.

Ralph: "I'm Iowa!"

[The Xenos]

After Homer was watching Fox news, he comments, "Did you know that every day, gay Mexicans sneak into this country and unplug brain-dead ladies?"

Of course the funniest thing was that we were watching it with a part Mexican friend who had recently come out of the closet. Though he hasn't killed any brain dead ladies.... yet.
So, did he laugh?
Oh yeah. He was laughing and yelling at the TV, joking that the Simpsons had been spying on him and his coming out. "How did they know?!"

[Chiroptera]

I'm surprised we haven't seen this one yet....

Groundskeeper Willie: Lunch lady Doris have 'ye got any grease? Well then grease me up woman!

Needs full context!

Willie: Lunch Lady Doris, have ye got any grease?!
Doris: Yes. Yes we have!
Willie: Then grease me up woman! [rips off his shirt]
Doris: [stares in silence for a moment] . . . Okie-Dokey.

[Ben Morgan]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

[Solaris]

Oh yeah. He was laughing and yelling at the TV, joking that the Simpsons had been spying on him and his coming out. "How did they know?!"

Kent Brockman. He knows everything five minutes before it happens. :D

Know how I know that? He won the Lottery once, and ran out of the studio yelling in delight. :D

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Ralph: "I'm Iowa!"

Idaho, actually.

And yes, of course you are.

[Charles RB]

So did Idaho or Ralph get insulted there? :confused:

[Grazzt]

So did Idaho or Ralph get insulted there? :confused:

It was Ralph. All the kids in the class had to make costumes to represent a different state. Ralph's costume (IIRC) was a little square of construction paper taped to him.

****

Worker: So, why do you want to become a Bigger Brother?

Homer's Brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.

Homer: Revenge.

Homer's Brain: That's it, I'm outta here. *sounds of running, then a door opening and slamming shut*

[Stressfactor]

(As Homer hits a statue of a deer in the park)

Homer: D'oh!
Marge: A deer!
Lisa: A female deer!

[stealthwise]

Jimmy: Boy, Mr. McClure, I was a grade A MORON for not believing in the food chain!

Troy McClure: You sure were, Jimmy, you sure were... *tousles his hair*

Jimmy: Mr. McClure... ow... you're hurting me... *video cuts out*

[BnL]

Jimmy: Boy, Mr. McClure, I was a grade A MORON for not believing in the food chain!

Troy McClure: You sure were, Jimmy, you sure were... *tousles his hair*

Jimmy: Mr. McClure... ow... you're hurting me... *video cuts out*

That whole slaughterhouse educational video was genius.

Troy: Come on Jimmy, let's take a peek at the killing floor.
Jimmy: Oooh!
Troy: Don't let the name throw you, Jimmy. It's not really a floor, it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported!

Actually, all the Troy McClure videos are great.

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such driver's ed films as 'Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass'."

[Aggie]

It was Ralph. All the kids in the class had to make costumes to represent a different state. Ralph's costume (IIRC) was a little square of construction paper taped to him.

****

Worker: So, why do you want to become a Bigger Brother?

Homer's Brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.

Homer: Revenge.

Homer's Brain: That's it, I'm outta here. *sounds of running, then a door opening and slamming shut*

actually i think it was a potato sack...

comic book guy: "Oh goodie. Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.

[jerrymcl89]

"Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of destroying the sun..."

[stealthwise]

That whole slaughterhouse educational video was genius.

Troy: Come on Jimmy, let's take a peek at the killing floor.
Jimmy: Oooh!
Troy: Don't let the name throw you, Jimmy. It's not really a floor, it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported!

Actually, all the Troy McClure videos are great.

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such driver's ed films as 'Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass'."

The Erotic Adventures of Hercules.

"Starring Norman Fell as Zeus."

"WOOHOO!"

-----

"Hercules, the Cyclops tore all my clothes off!"

"HahahahaHA!"

[Tobias March]

Mr. Burns: I think I'll donate a million dollars to charity... when pigs fly!
A pig flies past the window
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
Mr. Burns: Eh, I'd still rather not.

From the Big Brother episode

Pepe: Oh, Papa Homer! You are so learnèd!
Homer: ‘Learned’, son! It’s pronounced ‘learned’!

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Mayor Quimby: "I don't think we're going to find anything."

Otto: "How're we gonna get outta here?"

Homer: "We'll dig our way out!"

Cheif Wiggum: "No, no; dig up, stupid."

[stealthwise]

"Hel-lo Smithers. You're-quite-good-at-turning-me-on."

"Um... you probably should ignore that."

----

"I'll get even with you for this Midler..."

[Michael P]

"I'll get even with you for this Midler..."

That whole episode has some great bits.

Krusty: "I've made a horsey! What have you made, Sideshow Luke Perry?"
Luke Perry: "A 19th Century carousel."
Krusty: "Upstage me, will you?" *strangles Perry*

[TCJohnson]

"There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!"

My favorite quote of all time

[stealthwise]

"And how did you join the group Barney?"

"They found me on the men's room floor..."

*reporters laugh, while Barney chokes back tears*

------

*barney takes a sip of champagne*

"IT BEGINS" *grabs entire bottle and guzzles it*

"DadadadaDaDaaaa!" *throws on jet-pack and goes flying through the air*

"I don't understand, there was no alcohol in that wine."

"Well, Homer, it looks like you win by default."

"Woohoo! The two sweetest words in the English language! De Fault! De Fault!"

*gets clubbed down*

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

"And how did you join the group Barney?"

"They found me on the men's room floor..."

*reporters laugh, while Barney chokes back tears*

Barney: "David Crosby! You're my hero!"

David Crosby: "Oh, you like my music?"

Barney: "You're a musician?"

[Evan Waters]

Homer: "Bees are on the what now?" It's become my default response to something I don't understand.

From the same episode: "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

[Grazzt]

Homer: "Bees are on the what now?" It's become my default response to something I don't understand.

I prefer "You shot who in the what now?" from the episode "Who Shot Mr. Burns?"

[twilight]

"You're out there somewhere Beer Baron,and I'll find you"
"No you won't"
"Yes,I will"
"No you won't!"

-Twi

[Alex L]

Homer: "Bees are on the what now?" It's become my default response to something I don't understand.

From the same episode: "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

A default response to friends:

Wait, I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?

Full quote:

Homer: Wait, I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?
Glen: What are you talking about? There is nothing like that in there!
Homer: Oh, you see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span.

[Tobias March]

"Well, Homer, it looks like you win by default."

"Woohoo! The two sweetest words in the English language! De Fault! De Fault!"

*gets clubbed down*

In response to this....

"The Isotopes win a game!"

[stealthwise]

We're talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco

Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law

We're talkin' Homer
Ozzie and the Straw...

[Evan Waters]

"Pitt the Elder!"
"LORD PALMERSTON!"

[GozertheGozarian]

See My Vest (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFtnrGR3X3Y)

Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good...

See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.

See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,

Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.

Like my loafers? Former gophers -
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,

So let's prepare these dogs,

Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs,

Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest.

[Michael P]

"Pitt the Elder!"
"LORD PALMERSTON!"

"You asked for it Boggs!" *punch*
"That's tellin' him, Barn. Pff, Pitt the Elder."
"Lord Palmerston!" *punch*

[Alex L]

Krusty: Oh, it hurts to talk. We'll have to work out a system of blinks.
(Bart blinks as if to say something complex)
Krusty: Not you, you imbecile.

[Tobias March]

Frank Grimes, or 'Grimey' as he liked to be called.....

[The Ray]

" Homer Simpson ruins my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra... and now Sonic Youth is in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids! "

The Homerpalooza one is rife with gags like that. That one isn't even my favorite!

[Michael P]

" Homer Simpson ruins my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra... and now Sonic Youth is in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids! "

The Homerpalooza one is rife with gags like that. That one isn't even my favorite!

"Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's scientific fact!"

"Oh, here comes that cannonball guy. He's cool."
"Are you being sarcastic, dude?"
"I don't even know anymore."

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

" Homer Simpson ruins my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra... and now Sonic Youth is in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids! "

Which I've always thought was pretty weird, as Frampton was born in the same decade Moore, Gordon, & Renaldo all were.

Plus, what's so damn great about his cooler, anyway?

[GozertheGozarian]

(Right after commercial break.)
Lisa: Mom, why did you stop talking for two and a half minutes?
Bart: It felt like twenty.

[mgs]

2 from tonight's episode:

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!

I know, this perpetual motion machine she made is a joke, it just keeps going faster and faster.

[twilight]

" Homer Simpson ruins my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra... and now Sonic Youth is in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids! "

The Homerpalooza one is rife with gags like that. That one isn't even my favorite!

"Oh c'mon Mr.Frampton.You aren't going to eat all that watermelon".

-Twi

[Michael P]

Bart: "Krusty, this camp was a nightmare. They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!"
Krusty: "Oh my God!"
Bart: "Actually, the bear just ate his hat."
Krusty: "Was it a nice hat?"
Bart: "Oh, yeah."
Krusty: "Oh my God!"

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Grampa: "Come in, come in! Mayday! I'm losing your transmission!"

Customer on Krusty Burger Order Box outside: "I SAID FRENCH FRIES!"

Grampa: "What the...? Do we sell... "French... Fries?"

[Spike-X]

"Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's scientific fact!"


<killing the funny>That can't be right. Born To Run wasn't released until 1975.</killing the funny>

[Grazzt]

The "Behind the Laughter" episode had a few good ones.

Homer: Let me set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute. *nods*

Homer: And that's how a vicious act of child abuse became one of our most-beloved running gags.

Narrator: But in the background, storm clouds were gathering. *shows clouds gathering* Figurative storm clouds. *clouds vanish, birds sing*

[Alex L]

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

[Tobias March]

A worker in 1909: You can't treat the working man this way. One day, we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve! Then we'll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!
Burns's grandfather: The Japanese? Those sandal-wearing goldfish-tenders? Bosh! Flimshaw!
Mr. Burns: [to Smithers, in the present] If only we'd listened to that boy, instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Moe: "Hold on, I'll check. Amanda Huginkiss! Amanda Huginkiss! Oh, why can't I find Amanda Huginkiss?"

Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high!"

______________________________


Bart: "Hey, Homer, where you goin'?"

Homer: "Going for... 8-hour walk..."

______________________________


Homer: "We didn't have all the know-how; but we did have a wheelbarrow full of love."

Apu: "Yes, and a cement-mixer full of hope and some cement."

______________________________


Grampa: "That's my son up there!"

Other old guy: "The balding fatass?"

Grampa: "Eh, no, the Hindu guy."

[Evan Waters]

"Two wrongs make a right. Ah, Rex Morgan M.D. You have the prescription for the daily blues."