How does Putting people down help?

[Johnny_Luck]

I dealt with weight issues most of my life. I mean I was a pretty skinny kid when I was younger, but about the time I hit 4th/5th grade on was on some medication that made me hungry all the time and I gained a lot of weight. I mean I spent recess being picked on and called Fat Matt all the time. Though to be honest at the time I never really noticed how fat I was.

Truth be told I never felt bad about my weight(it wasn't the numbers, it was the look that later bothered me) at all, ever. However I did wish I was thinner, about the time I got into High school. Where I was about what 217/222ish which considering my height wasn’t very flattering, though I really didn't care enough to do anything about it. I mean I joined the track team senior year just for the sake of it and I did actually lose some weight. I gained a bit of it back entering college the next year, but still at this time it didn’t bother me.

So about 2 years ago I was heading on a trip to NC to visit my mom, along with my sister. The whole time they were telling me that there was no way I could be as hungry as how much as I was eating and as thirsty as I was drinking, that it wasn’t healthy for me and that it wouldn’t hurt for me to lose weight. I didn’t care I knew that I was only eating when I felt like I should so I ignored them.

Then somehow(not sure exactly) from the middle of last Feb until last August I lost 46 lbs, Which I actually loved. I wasn’t trying to lose it, I just did. I went down to about 161lbs, from what I was. I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time in years I actually liked how I looked on the outside. I felt good about myself and was happy about it.

Apparently everyone else who isn’t me and has no business in how much I way, eat, whatever didn’t like it. My mom, step-dad, sister all told me that I was again at an unhealthy weight (what’s new right) and that I needed to be around 175 for my height. I say fuck that. My step-mom kept making comments every time I came home asking me if I was still losing weight even though I had been study at 161 from august until this Late Dec/Jan) where I come back up to 166, which isn’t bad, so I am not upset I just wish I was where I was.

Also at Christmas time my Aunt was like you need to gain weight, you need to gain weight, and I just wanted to yell shut the fuck up. My step-mom kept making jokes about if he loses any more weight …., over and over again and to her too I just wanted to shout shut the fuck up. Do they honestly think those kind of comments make me feel good or would make anyone happy or anything but upset. I mean honestly think about it.

Not to mention Betty a really nice lady I know saw me one time before X-mas and I was wearing pants 2 sizes too big for me because I had no money and only 1 pair of jeans that actually fit me and she asked if I was still losing weight and like I said I wasn’t so I said no and explained to her why it might look that way and she was like Whatever and just turned away from me like I was lying and that pissed me off beyond reason.

Then today I went back to visit some friends at the college I got my previous degree from and one of the guys who works in the café there is like, you know you’re withering away to nothing, are you eating?

And I wanted to be like No your moron I think its perfectly healthy to fucking starve myself. Seriously I'm not a dumbass, I do eat and I know what’s healthy and what’s not, thank you very fuckin much. I mean honestly what kind of fucking question is that?

I don’t understand the attitude people have or at least wondering why they cannot think before they fucking speak. Can they honestly believe that putting down people will make them feel better about themselves?

I know I look good and I finally feel good about the way I look again so please people if you have nothing nice to say fuck off and don’t down me on my happy day. I don't mind the comments that are good about how I look cause they make a good day better, but wrecking a good day with one bad comment is so much easier for people to do and it sickens me.

Thank you very much for letting me vent.

[Jack Zodiac]

What are ya'? 5'8"? 5'9"? A buck sixty ain't a bad weight, and really, so long as you're eating healthy, it doesn't matter if you're a little overweight? Fat doesn't automatically equal unhealthy. Some people are just genetically predisposed to being a little chubby. So if you feel comfortable at your weight, fuck everyone else. All that matters is that you're healthy.

[heystacy]

People can be VERY insensitive about the comments they make. I can't tell you how to cope with the family but I know that when I gained some weight, and never heard the end of comments about it.

I decided that I'm gonna bust out on the next person who says some shit. My family learned to keep their mouths shut.

That may not work for you. I have bad middle child syndrome and people realize I can go off at my time of choosing. I don't give a damn who you are. I know who I am.

Best wishes.

[Johnny_Luck]

What are ya'? 5'8"? 5'9"? A buck sixty ain't a bad weight, and really, so long as you're eating healthy, it doesn't matter if you're a little overweight? Fat doesn't automatically equal unhealthy. Some people are just genetically predisposed to being a little chubby. So if you feel comfortable at your weight, fuck everyone else. All that matters is that you're healthy.

I'm actually 5'11

and its that I was overweight from like 5th grade until at least senior year old high school and now I think I right where my structure sets me up to be, but my family is now complaining I underweight and unable to find the middle.

I think I perfect and thats what should matter, but too many people think they have the right to butt in.

I'm almost 23 I think I am old enough to know whats healthy for me and not and when I am hungry or full, ya know.

[Infra-Man]

5'11" and 160ish

BMI is 22.5


Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater


You're kosher, chief.

[Johnny_Luck]

5'11" and 160ish

BMI is 22.5


Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater


You're kosher, chief.

I am confused, can you explain that please?

Edit:Nevermind Ages I get it.

[Infra-Man]

Sure thing. Your body mass index (BMI) is basically a number that represents the relationship between your weight and your height. I don't know the exact equation, I usually just use online BMI calculators.

That number range gives a general idea of weight-to-height ranges, though they are not always accurate. For instance, some really muscular/athletic people are sometimes considered overweight according to their BMI (e.g., Michael Jordan). But, if anything, the BMI is an okay way of determining your general weight range, though your mileage may vary.

People are probably giving you grief because they're not used to seeing you at this weight. So long as you're healthy, you're fine.

[ShaunN]

Dear Johnny,

Actually, it refers to the Body Mass Index. It's an indicator of healthy body weight for height and its supposed to take into account what is an acceptable level of body fat. The link is here:

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

Johnny, I don't want to upset you, but it does seem a bit odd that someone could lose so much weight so quickly without trying. Did you change your diet or start exercising more? I'm not suggesting that you are unhealthy - indeed, as the BMI indicates, you are probably very healthy - but it is unusual to lose so much weight without it being accountable to a change in habits/diet.

The bottom-line here is that you are happy with how you look and your family is probably just unsure of how to deal with the new you. But their comments might reflect (how insensitively) their fear that there is something wrong.

Sincerely,

Shaun

[Johnny_Luck]

My diet did change a bit, I was eating less snacks then I used to, but I wasn't exercising anymore then I used to.

[ShaunN]

Well, that could be enough to do it. A dietary change makes a huge difference.

Good luck with everything. It's great that you are so much happier with how you look. Don't let anyone get you down about it.

Sincerely,

Shaun

[beetlebum]

((HUGS)) Johnny. Take a cue from Eminem (back when he was cool) and say just don't give a f***. ;) :D


My mother is the same way. But the problem with her is she speaks four different languages, and of all the languages she speaks, her English is the least great. It's not incomprehensible, but the problem with English as a second language (or in her case, the fourth) is that some things get lost in translation. What I mean by that is I'm 154, which is slightly over the average weight for a woman my height, 5'3. My mother's family has had a history of people who suffered from diabetes. She keeps trying to tell me to lose weight, but the problem is, like I've said before, the English as a second language barrier. So she ends up saying phrases and using words like "you are fat", or "chubby", and naturally of course, that makes does not make me happy. Than we descend into the inevitable debate over the media and the unrealistic expectations it places on women, and blah blah blah.

I know that she means well, however, I wish she would just articulate it differently. Maybe, as has been stated by others in this thread, your family doesn't know how to handle the new you. I don't know if you suffer from the English as a second language barrier. Just talk to them, and hopefully, you'll get all of this cleared up. And at the end of the day, all that really matters is that you're happy.

[Johnny_Luck]

((HUGS))

I know that she means well, however, I wish she would just articulate it differently. Maybe, as has been stated by others in this thread, your family doesn't know how to handle the new you. I don't know if you suffer from the English as a second language barrier. Just talk to them, and hopefully, you'll get all of this cleared up. And at the end of the day, all that really matters is that you're happy.

Right Back at Ya

But No I told my mom I wish she and everyone would back off and shes like, well its just that we are worried for you and you do need to gain more weight. Its like she just can't let it be and I kinda makes me angry like she thinks everyone else knows more about whats best for me then I do, which is just silly.

[Jack Zodiac]

BMI's bullshit, outdated crap anyway, but regardless, at 5'11" and a buck sixty, you're not lookin' bad. Lanky, maybe, but fuck it, if you're healthy, it doesn't matter. Hell, even at two hundred (though not two twenty), you're in pretty good shape. I'm about six even and a buck ninety and I still look twiggy.

[TCJohnson]

I might get in trouble for saying this but it is the with the best intentions...you might want to do something about your anger. things like that shouldn't piss you off so much.

[Johnny_Luck]

Your saying if a bunch of people around you for years or at least a bunch of months told you whats best for you while acting like you they know what is best for you or like you don't or shouldn't have a say in the matter that you would just continue to brush it off and there wouldn't be a point at all, ever that you would get sick of it and angry about what they are doing?

[Infra-Man]

BMI's bullshit, outdated crap anyway, but regardless, at 5'11" and a buck sixty, you're not lookin' bad. Lanky, maybe, but fuck it, if you're healthy, it doesn't matter. Hell, even at two hundred (though not two twenty), you're in pretty good shape. I'm about six even and a buck ninety and I still look twiggy.

True, especially given the stuff cited about athletes' BMIs being in odd ranges, but without photos, tape measures, or calipers, it's a quick measure (as flawed as it may be) to go by for a general height-to-weight range.

[Alan Lynch]

It's weird, somehow it's seen as acceptable to slate people for their weight. Like it's always the individual's fault. Johnny, so long as you're eating healthy and comfortable with your size - I'm almost totally ignorant of lbs so have no clue if you're over or under - then forget what your family are saying. Which is easier said than done, I know.

[Cam63]

Good health is hard to manage. So is contentment.

Don't listen to the buggers, Luck.

[Gilda Dent]

BMI's bullshit, outdated crap anyway, but regardless, at 5'11" and a buck sixty, you're not lookin' bad. Lanky, maybe, but fuck it, if you're healthy, it doesn't matter. Hell, even at two hundred (though not two twenty), you're in pretty good shape. I'm about six even and a buck ninety and I still look twiggy.

BMI is very a very general guideline that doesn't take into account gender, body fat percentage, or exercise level. It tells me that I'm underweight, depending on where my weight is that week, but doesn't take into account other more important factors.

Still, it's not a bad place to start for the sedentary person wanting a quick and dirty way to get an estimate regarding their body composition.

[Monkey Boy]

I'm between 6'0" and 6'1" i and I can even crack the 150 mark. For years people have been making comments about me not eating anything and how I need to eat more but that fact is I eat way too much and just can't put on any weight. Whats really great is when random people make comments about how I need to go get a cheese burger or something. Then they give me a dirty look when I tell them I just ate 3.

What I really hate is when people tell to just wait a few years and I'll fill out. Its always the overweight people too that seem to be unhappy with their size. I've been hearing just wait since I was 16 and now I'm 25. I just wish people would mind their own business. I don't go around telling people to lose weight or telling them its not healthy. If you're not happy do something about it and if you are happy then fuck everyone else.

[TCJohnson]

Your saying if a bunch of people around you for years or at least a bunch of months told you whats best for you while acting like you they know what is best for you or like you don't or shouldn't have a say in the matter that you would just continue to brush it off and there wouldn't be a point at all, ever that you would get sick of it and angry about what they are doing?

I think anybody with a family has goes through that. Annoying, yes, but not enough to want to always scream at people or to get pissed off beyond reason, no.

[Sally Sensational]

I worry about the whole BMI thing. I measure into the "obese" category on both BMI and "ideal weight" charts if you don't take anything else into account.

Problem is, I've got shoulders like a linebacker and a bustline that NEVER reduces no matter how much I lose weight and is considerably above normal.

In short, sure, I could probably stand to lose a FEW pounds, but I'm nowhere near obese. You have to take everything into account and the biggest factor is how you feel about yourself.

And that's what's important. If you're happy and feel healthy and can live your life without getting tired or short of breath from normal activities, then don't worry about it.

I do think your family is being more than a bit inconsistent - after spending years telling you to lose weight, now they're telling you to gain weight. I can see where that would be incredibly frustrating!

Be comfortable, Johnny, and be yourself.

(Oh and always remember, girls prefer a man who can use a little feeding without worrying about his weight!)

[Erik Burnham]

Here's a good guideline: when you hear the doctor say "holy shit" under his or her breath, losing weight may be a good idea.

But if the weight isn't in a dangerous place (interfering with your vital organs) and your BP and all that is A-OK... well, screw the naysayers.

Especially if you feel good.

I have spoken. (;

[LewisH]

I'm certainly not anorexic. I eat when I'm hungry, I enjoy gourmet dining and aside from getting the flu every winter, I'm in pretty good health. Some people let themselves be driven by pigeon holes and numbers on charts. Be glad you're not one of them.

[Alan Lynch]

Here's a good guideline: when you hear the doctor say "holy shit" under his or her breath, losing weight may be a good idea.

But if the weight isn't in a dangerous place (interfering with your vital organs) and your BP and all that is A-OK... well, screw the naysayers.

Especially if you feel good.

I have spoken. (;
Shit, so long as you can still run for a bus and have enough breath to state your destination then you're OK.

My foolproof method: if I can still fit into trousers I had last year then I'm alright. If I reach a point the small-size shirts I favour start to look really stupid then I know I need to shift a few.

[saintsaucey]

Sorry Johnny I know it sucks. I deal with it too. I get the weight thing mostly at work. (Which is technically harassment and I could get people in trouble if I wanted to.) I also get the why are you single? Why are you waiting till marriage?, thing there as well. (Again harassment if I chose to pursue it.) The two most annoying things are (Why do you always read comics? (Because I like them and they fill up my fifteen minute breaks and 30 minute lunches nicely and I don't have to talk to ignorant fucks like you during my free time) and why do you show up so early? (because I don't have a ride that can drop me off right at 5:30/6:00 and what the fuck is it any of your business I'm sitting here minding my own business not bothering anyone leave me the fuck alone.) I actually had a guy tell me I needed to mix it up and bring in porn every once in a while. (I would so get fired for that If I made that statement to someone else.) If it weren't for the fact that the guy knows where I live (He used to give me a ride) I would have marched into the office and demanded he be reprimanded right then and there. And most of the staff would have been behind me on it because the guy is a certified nut. There is a difference between having a casual conversation and poking your nose into business that it doesn't belong in.

[MartinRedmond]

I might get in trouble for saying this but it is the with the best intentions...you might want to do something about your anger. things like that shouldn't piss you off so much.

Yeah, posting won't make you lose weight John.

[TCJohnson]

Well, no, feel free to post rants here. We all do, and that's cool.

Just...it does seem you get angry easily.

[Alan Lynch]

Yeah, posting won't make you lose weight John.
Not even if you type faster? Bugger. Another theory out the window.

[hellokittykat]

I'm actually 5'11

and its that I was overweight from like 5th grade until at least senior year old high school and now I think I right where my structure sets me up to be, but my family is now complaining I underweight and unable to find the middle.

I think I perfect and thats what should matter, but too many people think they have the right to butt in.

I'm almost 23 I think I am old enough to know whats healthy for me and not and when I am hungry or full, ya know.

That's exactly right-as long as you are comfortable, eating correctly and feeling healthy then it doesn't matter what anyone says.

I completely understand where you're coming from though because I saw a doctor last week who told me I was too thin (which first of all is ridiculous because I'm like 5'9" and about 130), then I foolishly told my mother what he said, who in turn told my grandmother and now the two of them haven't let up since then, telling me to gain weight. I told them to look at my hips and ass while they're telling I need more weight on me.:rolleyes:

But the point is that no matter how you look, most likely someone is going to tell you that you need to look differently. As long as you know that you are fine then you can just tell your family that you appreciate their concern but you are an adult and you know how to keep yourself healthy. :)

[hellokittykat]

I'm actually 5'11

and its that I was overweight from like 5th grade until at least senior year old high school and now I think I right where my structure sets me up to be, but my family is now complaining I underweight and unable to find the middle.

I think I perfect and thats what should matter, but too many people think they have the right to butt in.

I'm almost 23 I think I am old enough to know whats healthy for me and not and when I am hungry or full, ya know.

That's exactly right-as long as you are comfortable, eating correctly and feeling healthy then it doesn't matter what anyone says.

I completely understand where you're coming from though because I saw a doctor last week who told me I was too thin (which first of all is ridiculous because I'm like 5'9" and about 130), then I foolishly told my mother what he said, who in turn told my grandmother and now the two of them haven't let up since then, telling me to gain weight. I told them to look at my hips and ass while they're telling I need more weight on me.:rolleyes:

But the point is that no matter how you look, most likely someone is going to tell you that you need to look differently. As long as you know that you are fine then you can just tell your family that you appreciate their concern but you are an adult and you know how to keep yourself healthy. :)

[Gilda Dent]

That's exactly right-as long as you are comfortable, eating correctly and feeling healthy then it doesn't matter what anyone says.

I completely understand where you're coming from though because I saw a doctor last week who told me I was too thin (which first of all is ridiculous because I'm like 5'9" and about 130), then I foolishly told my mother what he said, who in turn told my grandmother and now the two of them haven't let up since then, telling me to gain weight. I told them to look at my hips and ass while they're telling I need more weight on me.:rolleyes:

But the point is that no matter how you look, most likely someone is going to tell you that you need to look differently. As long as you know that you are fine then you can just tell your family that you appreciate their concern but you are an adult and you know how to keep yourself healthy. :)

Your doctor told you this? Strange.

My wife and doctor have had concerns with my weight before; at one point about two years ago I was down to under 100 lbs. at 5' 5" (I stop eating during severe bouts of depression). They like me to stay at 110 or above consistently, but they base whether I'm healthy on body fat percentage, blood sugar levels, lipids, and so forth, not something so simple as a number or just looking thin.

[Jack Zodiac]

BMI is very a very general guideline that doesn't take into account gender, body fat percentage, or exercise level. It tells me that I'm underweight, depending on where my weight is that week, but doesn't take into account other more important factors.

Still, it's not a bad place to start for the sedentary person wanting a quick and dirty way to get an estimate regarding their body composition.

I wouldn't be bothered by the BMI chart that much if it didn't determine shit about your health insurance. The chart doesn't account for actual, physical health, but physical appearance. At my height and weight, according to the BMI chart, I'm overweight. Six even and a hundred and ninety pounds. I'm not gonna pretend I'm a hundred and ninety pounds of muscle, but I'm definitely not overweight, and aside from a bum ticker, I'm in great physical health.

The way you look on the outside doesn't always indicate a damn thing about how your insides are workin'.

[hellokittykat]

Your doctor told you this? Strange.

My wife and doctor have had concerns with my weight before; at one point about two years ago I was down to under 100 lbs. at 5' 5" (I stop eating during severe bouts of depression). They like me to stay at 110 or above consistently, but they base whether I'm healthy on body fat percentage, blood sugar levels, lipids, and so forth, not something so simple as a number or just looking thin.

Well to be fair to the doctor, he didn't know my actual poundage and was going by how I felt along my lower back, hips and rib cage, which I will admit feel kinda boney since I'm tall but my rib cage and pelvic bones are kinda small.

[Gilda Dent]

Well to be fair to the doctor, he didn't know my actual poundage and was going by how I felt along my lower back, hips and rib cage, which I will admit feel kinda boney since I'm tall but my rib cage and pelvic bones are kinda small.

Ah. That's not unusual with taller women.