Socializing in the Work Place (or School)

[Winslow]

Does your work have a culture that requires a certain degree of socializing or emotional support to co-workers?

If so, what are the expectations?

What is the political fallout if you don't meet those expectations yet still perform?

[Mac Danny]

Does your work have a culture that requires a certain degree of socializing or emotional support to co-workers?

If so, what are the expectations?

What is the political fallout if you don't meet those expectations yet still perform?

My workplace is very small (14 people) so you get to know everyone's business. A group of us go out to drinks which I think is required. We play poker together whenever we can. It's a fun environment to work in.

Take all your trust falls and wilderness trips and throw them out a window. You want team building? go to a bar with the people you work with. Enjoy them you spend way to much of your day with them not to.

It should be known however that toy designers in my experience like drinking. A lot. Drink with your co-workers! Shoot pool! Play cards!

Does anyone have a work spouse? Someone you work with who you are always around, eat lunch together, talk about your problems, look out for eachother?

[K'Nort]

Since this is carrying over from another thread, I'll copy/paste.


Everyone has a different definition [of casual conversation]. Kind of like for professional. That's one reason workplace personality conflicts arise.

I've been in offices where being what most people would call social was required. It's most common in workplaces where people feel embattled for one reason or another. They need to feel that their coworkers 'have their back' and what have you. They are in need of emotional support from each other as well as professional, and it's considered part of your job to provide that.

I don't do as well in those environments. I don't even like saying 'good morning' to every single person I happen to walk past. (And I've had coworkers who complained to management about that. Although not singling me out. I wasn't unique there.)

[Winslow]

I'll answer my own questions :D

Does your work have a culture that requires a certain degree of socializing or emotional support to co-workers?

The social demands in my work place are extremely small.

I work with engineers, and they fit the stereotype. The guys I work with are very dry, show little emotion, and seem to have very little need for social camaraderie beyond the occasional small talk at the "water cooler."

I work in a relatively small firm too - about 30 workers (9 partners)

If so, what are the expectations?

Unlike other places, there is absolutely zero, zip, nadda expectation to socialize outside of the work place.

What is the political fallout if you don't meet those expectations yet still perform?

I don't believe there is any fallout. But then again, maybe that's why I'm stuck in middle management. :D

[K'Nort]

[Puma and I were discussing how this can break down along gender lines. I believe Howy has run into this in similar past conversations too.]


And yes, it's always been female coworkers in my experience who complain to management about other employees not being friendly enough. And really, they only complain about the other women, but that may be coincidence.

Some of them are total morons. Going to the dept head and demanding that a rule be passed that no one can socialize (both at lunch and on the weekends, on people's own damn time) without inviting everyone in the dept, whether they like them or not, is .... the mind reels. The only thing goofier is the (male) dept head getting overwhelmed by the weirdness of the idea (and probably seeing visions of 'hostile work environment' lawsuits, which were very big at the time) and actually making such a rule.

[Mac Danny]

I work with engineers, and they fit the stereotype. The guys I work with are very dry, show little emotion, and seem to have very little need for social camaraderie beyond the occasional small talk at the "water cooler."

See, now that would be a group I'd like to get out of the workplace and see who they are. I've worked with engineers in the past, they can be very regimented.

I think I would welcome the challenge of getting them drunk and finding out what they are like when not at work.

Did I mention the bar in this? It's very important.

[Winslow]

Oh, and for those of us nerds that struggle with small talk in a new work environment (and all of us probably do to some extent) I found this web site to be a nice guideline for conversation:

1. Listen. This is the most important part of any conversation. You might think a conversation is all about talking, but it will not go anywhere if the listener is too busy thinking of something to say next. Pay attention to what is being said. When you talk to the other person, injecting a thought or two, they will often not realize that it was they who did most of the talking, and you get the credit for being a good conversationalist - which of course, you are!

2. Find out what the other person is interested in. You can even do some research in advance when you know you will have an opportunity to talk with a specific person. Complimenting them is a great place to start. Everyone likes sincere compliments, and that can be a great ice-breaker.

3. Ask questions. What do they like to do? What sort of things have they done in their life? What is happening to them now? What did they do today or last weekend? Identify things about them that you might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask questions. Remember, there was a reason that you wanted to talk to them, so obviously there was something about them that you found interesting.

4. Forget yourself. Dale Carnegie once said, "It's much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you." If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what you look like, or what the other person might be thinking, you will never be able to relax. Introduce yourself, shake hands, then forget yourself and focus on them instead.

5. Practice active listening skills. Part of listening is letting the other person know that you are listening. Make eye contact. Nod. Say "Yes," "I see," "That's interesting," or something similar to give them clues that you are paying attention and not thinking about something else - such as what you are going to say next.

6. Ask clarifying questions. If the topic seems to be one they are interested in, ask them to clarify what they think or feel about it. If they are talking about an occupation or activity you do not understand, take the opportunity to learn from them. Everyone loves having a chance to teach another willing and interested person about their hobby or subject of expertise.

7. Paraphrase back what you have heard, using your own words. This seems like an easy skill to learn, but takes some practice to master. Conversation happens in turns, each person taking a turn to listen and a turn to speak or to respond. It shows respect for the other person when you use your "speaking turn" to show you have been listening and not just to say something new. They then have a chance to correct your understanding, affirm it, or embellish on it.

8. Consider your response before disagreeing. If the point was not important, ignore it rather than risk appearing argumentative. If you consider it important then politely point out your difference of opinion. Do not disagree merely to set yourself apart, but remember these points:

* It is the differences in people--and their conversation--that make them interesting.
* Agreeing with everything can kill a conversation just as easily as disagreeing with everything.
* A person is interesting when they are different from you; a person is obnoxious when they can not agree with anything you say, or if they use the point to make themselves appear superior.
* Try to omit the word "but" from your conversation when disagreeing as this word often puts people on the defensive. Instead, try substituting the word "and", it has less of an antagonistic effect.

9. Consider playing devil's advocate - which requires care. If your conversation partner makes a point, you can keep the conversation going by bringing up the opposite point of view (introduce it with something like "I agree, and..."). If you overuse this technique, however, you could end up appearing disagreeable or even hostile.

10. Do not panic over lulls. This is a point where you could easily inject your thoughts into the discussion. If the topic seems to have run out, use the pause to think for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask them. Did something they said remind you of something else you have heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question or topic in your mind? Mention it and you'll transition smoothly into further conversation!

11. Know when the conversation is over. Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. Shake hands with the other person and be sure to tell them you enjoyed talking with them. Ending on a positive note will leave a good impression and likely bring them back later for more!

12. Make a good first impression. Smile, ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer, and really listen. Maintain eye contact and keep as friendly and polite as possible.

http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Great-Conversation

[Winslow]

See, now that would be a group I'd like to get out of the workplace and see who they are. I've worked with engineers in the past, they can be very regimented.

I think I would welcome the challenge of getting them drunk and finding out what they are like when not at work.

Did I mention the bar in this? It's very important.

Our Christmas parties, where alcohol flows readily, can STILL be incredibly boring and dry. For a bunch of Irish and Italian Catholics, these guys DO NOT fit their ethnic stereotypes

Ironically, the two German engineers in the office have the most personality. :D

[K'Nort]

Our Christmas parties, where alcohol flows readily, can STILL be incredibly boring and dry. For a bunch of Irish and Italian Catholics, these guys DO NOT fit their ethnic stereotypes

Ironically, the two German engineers in the office have the most personality. :D

You're also in one of the more stereotypically uptight parts of the country.


The most outgoing, hyper-social friend I have is an engineer. My brother is an engineer elsewhere, and he and his coworkers are a lot like MacDanny's group.


Whatever causes some workplaces to be social and others to not, it's not the specific career.

[Winslow]

Whatever causes some workplaces to be social and others to not, it's not the specific career.

True.

I interviewed at an engineering firm on Long Island, and curiously enough, the expectation for socializing outside of the office was communicated at the interview. They called it part of "team building."

[Elegance Liberty]

Everyone in my workplace is very social. Then again, only 2 of us are not married, do not have children and we've learned that both of us aren't very social creatures in general (one of those people being myself).

Usually in a retail job though, there isn't much time to be social with your co-workers. This normally happens during staff meetings and/or meet-ups with the people from our second store in a neighboring town. Even then, at our Store Christmas party last week, everyone stayed at their own table and didn't even bother to socialize with anyone else from the other store until the ex-manager from my store pretty much forced everyone to change tables. (I won't even begin to express my disgust at the idea, if only because our waitress was having a hard time trying to match everyone's desserts up)

Now don't get me wrong, they're all good people and luckily I haven't had to deal with any office drama yet. But frankly, being an anti-social person by nature in a store with social butterflies kinda makes me a little grouchy sometimes.

As for school, I don't go to college to socialize. I go there with the full focus to learn and work and not be distracted by other people. I know that sounds cold, but there's a time and a place for socialization and IMHO the classroom isn't one of them.

Outside of class, however, is a different story. But since I take mostly art classes, most of the people in my classes aren't very social, period.

[Shellhead]

Except when temping, I have generally worked at small companies, with maybe 30 employees at the most.

Early in my career, I worked in small public accounting firms, where I was too young to socialize with partners and managers, but my education left a social divide between myself and the secretarial staff, so I was kind of a loner at work.

After I left public accounting, I usually found myself to be the only accountant at work, though sometimes I had an assistant. And I was usually advising the owner of the business on how to handle the money issues, and sometimes also personnel issues. Due to a large difference in pay between owner and accountant, I wasn't really in a position to socialize with the owner, and I didn't have much in common with the rest of the employees.

So I have become one of those people who isn't especially social at work. I don't like saying "good morning" until I get that first cup of coffee, and I don't do lunch with people most of the time. (I bring a lunch, which is ridiculously cheap compared to going to a restaurant for food five days a week.) However, I am willing to talk if people approach me, and people generally like my sense of humor, so I'm not considered an outcast. And I usually have a work buddy, usually a manager-level person in another department. We hang out some at work, maybe have a long conversation once in a while if we are both working late or something. But I don't hang out with my work buddies away from the office, because I have actual friends to keep me busy.

A couple of times in the past, I have dated co-workers. I won't do it again, but it wasn't a huge disaster when I did. And a great relationship could easily outlast the average job on my resume, so it may be worth the risk. But there is a risk, especially once you are management level. Never, ever date somebody who reports directly to you.

[Puma]

[Puma and I were discussing how this can break down along gender lines. I believe Howy has run into this in similar past conversations too.]


Pasted from the earlier conversation:
I've really noticed the need for emotion support from co-workers in my current position- fortunately not at my Branch (where I hire), but throughout the system. I've often attributed it to the dominance of 'women's management', the whole group agreement/discussion, consensus style of leadership. Sexist yes but coming from Parks, which was male dominated, I've noticed a more touchy feely style that I'm not good at and it has caused some friction.

new:
before I entered management I could blow off retirement parties, holiday brunches, and the whatnot without any problem. Now it is expected. When a co-worker I really disdained retired I was told to attend the party; not wanting to tick off the Director I went, was polite, left early with the excuse of needing to get back to the Branch.
Some of the paraprofessionals and clerks attend these parties thinking it will help when promotions come around but usually management sees them and wonders why they are attending There are two very distinct levels within the System as a whole and then significant differences within Branches and departments. It takes a while to determine one's place and what the expectations are for each position.

It's almost a dance.

[Paradox]

I'm the demented troll that makes everything work in the middle of the night, so there's next to no social contact with my co-workers. And I'm just okee-dokey fine with that!

Not that anyone there is anyone I'd want to hang out with, anyway. But I do make it a policy to keep my social and work lives separate. There have been problems in the past mixing the two. Too much carryover from one arena to another. I've had jobs where the "drop in for one drink" kind of thing was expected, but slipping out quickly after that wasn't looked at as bad. That's tolerable, I suppose.

My roomies are both lawyers freewheeling it without a firm, so they spend most of their nights schmoozing and networking. I'm far too misanthropic to be in such a "people" business. :)

Yet it works for me in customer service, because if I make the customers happy, they go away and leave me the hell alone! :D

[Paradox]

Mac Danny furthers his sociology experiment:

See, now that would be a group I'd like to get out of the workplace and see who they are. I've worked with engineers in the past, they can be very regimented.

I think I would welcome the challenge of getting them drunk and finding out what they are like when not at work.

Did I mention the bar in this? It's very important.


Winslow forewarns:

Our Christmas parties, where alcohol flows readily, can STILL be incredibly boring and dry.

Gaze not into the abyss...?

[K'Nort]

Take all your trust falls and wilderness trips and throw them out a window. You want team building? go to a bar with the people you work with. Enjoy them you spend way to much of your day with them not to.

I agree that more team-building happens in a less structured, more social environment. I've had to do the falling and icebreaking and wilderness trips and they just re-emphasize existing cliques. But out at a pizza place, watching a basketball game (blerg), I've discovered common ground with certain coworkers that I figured I'd never have anything to do with.


Does anyone have a work spouse? Someone you work with who you are always around, eat lunch together, talk about your problems, look out for each other?

In the past. Before the term, although I have friends who use it now in describing their own workplace friendships.

[K'Nort]

I interviewed at an engineering firm on Long Island, and curiously enough, the expectation for socializing outside of the office was communicated at the interview. They called it part of "team building."

That reminds me of a friend who worked in high tech. He managed an internal support group and team building was an incredibly big deal for him. (Which is ironic, because in many ways he totally lacks people skills.)

This team spent a lot of time brainstorming solutions to very urgent problems. With management breathing down their collective necks. For this to work, it was crucial for them to be close enough that they could safely disagree. Even get into shouting matches at times. With no harm done. Otherwise, it would be no work done.

Also, they could only be productive if they knew that they would always present a united front when management started complaining or looking for blame.

There are levels of pressure where being professional is not enough. There has to be an actual bond.

I would prefer to avoid those work environments myself, but I can see how that would work.

[Gilda Dent]

At the last school where I worked, an elementary school in the South, it was expected on several levels, but the expectations were never exactly made clear, and instead were the product of hints and insinuations, and occasionally reprimands when I didn't participate in exactly the right way. For example, sitting by myself off in the back at the required Christmas party was seen as a snub of the other teachers. That I arrived first and everyone else chose to sit elsewhere logically would seem to be them snubbing me, but logic doesn't seem to apply in such situations. Leaving the monthly birthday/anniversary/baby celebrations at the earliest moment possible likewise was mistakenly seen as a snub, but there was no way for me to know that this would be the case until after I had done it several times.

The school before that, in SOCAL, there didn't seem to be any objection to my not participating in any of the social activities. I made many of the other staff members visibly uncomfortable, so both for their sake and for mine, I avoided contact with them as much as possible.

At my current workplace, I have no idea what the expectations regarding social interaction are, but I've only been here three weeks, so I haven't had the opportunity to learn this. I've had a few pop-ins to say hello, with whom I answered questions as briefly as possible and volunteered as little as possible, not having a lot I can really talk about comfortably with a person I'm meeting for the first time. I went to a little after work thing Friday at a bar, but there was never an opening for me to say anything, so I stayed quiet most of the time I was there, drank one very overpriced Coke, and left. I'm hoping this gets me some credit for participating, but I didn't actually participate so much as just show up and leave.

I'm hoping this place is one that doesn't require a lot of socializing. I'd prefer to mostly be left alone to do my job, and interact in a professional manner to the degree necessary for the job. I'd like to have more social connections, sure, but I'm not very good at that sort of thing and would be as likely to alienate others and I would be to endear them.

I guess I'll find out in the weeks to come if just doing the job well is enough, or if socializing in addition to that is required.

[i_mmmchocolate]

I made many of the other staff members visibly uncomfortable, so both for their sake and for mine, I avoided contact with them as much as possible.
How so?
_

[Gilda Dent]

How so?
_

I transitioned in that school district, so literally everyone, students and teachers, knew that I used to be Mr. Yamamoto. Some of them had known me pre-transition and felt deceived and betrayed for some reason, My students never had a problem with it, but many of the other teachers were made very uncomfortable.

[K'Nort]

I'm hoping this place is one that doesn't require a lot of socializing. I'd prefer to mostly be left alone to do my job, and interact in a professional manner to the degree necessary for the job. I'd like to have more social connections, sure, but I'm not very good at that sort of thing and would be as likely to alienate others and I would be to endear them.

The little one will help. People expect coworkers with small children (really, anything below teen) to be unable to socialize. Free pass.


Your school in the South had a lot of hang-ups. From what you have described about working there, I would not call it a typical work environment. It was pretty negative. Most environments will not require as much of people.

[Gilda Dent]

Yeah, in retrospect, an elementary school located next to a military base in the South probably isn't the ideal place for an openly gay teacher.

[K'Nort]

Yeah, in retrospect, an elementary school located next to a military base in the South probably isn't the ideal place for an openly gay teacher.

Don't forget Asian.

They weren't going to give you a fair shot regardless.

[Sabrina_Fried]

We've done the trust falling and "team building" etc. in my office too, and all it does is reinforce the existing cliques. In fact, the more "team building" exercises the management forces on us, the worse our team skills seems to get because people become paranoid about how the management might be judging them based on those exercises. We're friendly enough to eachother, we say good morning, etc, but a few rotten eggs in the office have made it clear that if you are not a part of their "popular kid" clique, the want nothing to do with you beyond what the managment forces on us and the requirements of our jobs. For the record, the "popular kid" clique also happens to be the least productive, mainly because they spend so much time showing off their cliquiness that they barely have any time to work! A few of them have actually been fired for not doing a damn thing all day, and they are largely the reason the management has banned the use of Facebook on company time. They've even gone to the point of having our IT department block access to Facebook and YouTube, etc in an effort to get these people to do the work they are being paid to do.

The rest of us mostly buckle down and do our jobs with the mindfulness that others in the office our depending on us to do our jobs so they can do theirs. We might do lunches every now and then, or socialize at the company Christmas party, but outside of that most of us don't socialize much.

Sabrina

[howyadoin]

[Puma and I were discussing how this can break down along gender lines. I believe Howy has run into this in similar past conversations too.]Oh yeah, definitely.

And yes, it's always been female coworkers in my experience who complain to management about other employees not being friendly enough. And really, they only complain about the other women, but that may be coincidence.

Some of them are total morons. Going to the dept head and demanding that a rule be passed that no one can socialize (both at lunch and on the weekends, on people's own damn time) without inviting everyone in the dept, whether they like them or not, is .... the mind reels. The only thing goofier is the (male) dept head getting overwhelmed by the weirdness of the idea (and probably seeing visions of 'hostile work environment' lawsuits, which were very big at the time) and actually making such a rule.Yup. Been there, experienced that. This one princess I used to work with had the boss's ear, and did exactly what you're describing. One particular night, the usual gang from work was planning to go for drinks afterwards, so a mass e-mail was sent out inviting people for "soda pops" (just a joke term we'd come up with). She passed, but then when she found out what the term actually meant, she got pissed off and went whining to the boss that she'd been excluded. Because he'd recently given her $50,000 so she wouldn't sue him for sexual harassment, he immediately made it a policy that everybody had to be invited when we socialized outside of work.

And of course, the funny part was, she was invited. She just didn't understand the terminology of the invite because she had never stooped to socializing with us in the past.

Even better, she got invited every time afterwards, but never ever came out drinking with us. Turned out she didn't even want to go; she just wanted the invitation.

Oh, and for those of us nerds that struggle with small talk in a new work environment (and all of us probably do to some extent) I found this web site to be a nice guideline for conversation:To be honest, that sounds more like aist of ways to kiss other people's asses.

...I don't do lunch with people most of the time.Me either, but it's mainly a matter of timing. I think it's ridiculous to come to work at 9:00 or 9:30 and have lunch at noon. If I do it that way, I've got 4 loooonnng hours of work after lunch, and I'm practically ravenous by the time I get home. I'm much rather go for lunch at 1:30 or 2:00, and since I'm freelance, I usually do just that.

Also, they could only be productive if they knew that they would always present a united front when management started complaining or looking for blame.Yeah, that's definitely a uniting factor. I've been in offices where new people came in and didn't understand why the us-vs.-them thing was necessary, and kept trying to build bridges instead. An admirable idea, for sure. But if it were actually possible, the bridges would already be in place.

[howyadoin]

We're friendly enough to each other, we say good morning, etc, but a few rotten eggs in the office have made it clear that if you are not a part of their "popular kid" clique, the want nothing to do with you beyond what the managment forces on us and the requirements of our jobs. For the record, the "popular kid" clique also happens to be the least productive, mainly because they spend so much time showing off their cliquiness that they barely have any time to work!That's a big problem at one of the agencies where I work. Compounding it is the fact that the clique is led by the company president, and all his eager young acolytes would much rather sit in the boardroom hanging on his every word all day, than go back to their desk and actually do something productive.

[Paradox]

Bosses that like brown nosers need a foot up their ass. Whenever I've been in charge, sucking up has gotten people NEGATIVE points. Get your nose out of my ass and get back to work.

[StoneGold]

Bosses that like brown nosers need a foot up their ass. Whenever I've been in charge, sucking up has gotten people NEGATIVE points. Get your nose out of my ass and get back to work.

Jeebus, I only half glanced at what you wrote, not really reading it, and for a second there I thought you were a racist.




Assume what I thought you wrote as you will.

[Paradox]

The world is a strange place, when viewed through StoneGold colored glasses. :D

[StoneGold]

The world is a strange place, when viewed through StoneGold colored glasses. :D

Like I said, my eyes weren't really focusing, I saw the word brown and an n following it.

[Paradox]

It's all good, mah noogie. ;)

[Alex L]

I agree that more team-building happens in a less structured, more social environment. I've had to do the falling and icebreaking and wilderness trips and they just re-emphasize existing cliques. But out at a pizza place, watching a basketball game (blerg), I've discovered common ground with certain coworkers that I figured I'd never have anything to do with.

You find out who else doesn't really care about sports? ;)

I'd be right there with you.

In my current job, there's a LOT of talking involved (work-related).

I'm in a TV newsroom, so (as a writer) I need to keep up with what reporters are covering in the field, need to communicate with the video editors as to what we should or should not be seeing on TV (we're talking about Clinton for the first part of the story, so perhaps we should not show Romney), need to communicate with the producer as to the status of... well, everything.

I don't know if that necessarily segues into talking to people on a personal level, but those who don't, generally don't have fun and don't last too long (as, really, considering the pay and the hours -- if you're not having fun, you'd probably look for another job).

In my previous, college-era place of employment (Starbucks) there was a whole lot of socialization going on, between us as employees and (rather obviously) between us and the customers. You see people every day, you kinda get to know them.

[Shellhead]

Thinking it over, I was pretty insecure about my career when I first graduated. I wasn't a good student plus I always worked at least 20-30 hours per week each semester, so I got mostly B and C grades. My first job after graduation ended with me getting fired after six months, because they needed an experienced bookkeeper and not an inexperienced accountant. Then I went to work for CPA firms, where I knew I would have the right skill set.

After that, I was careful to not get to attached to any co-workers. Even at my current job with a small company, where I've been for over three years now, we have had 50% turnover in that time. I do go to all the official company functions, in part because I help organize them. And I talk pleasantly with everybody, but I don't ask or tell them a lot. I remember names and faces and some details about my current co-workers, but after so many job changes over the last 20 years, the past is kind of blurry.

The job that really burned me out was at the day spa that I worked at for four years. That place turned over nearly 100% of the staff every six months, due to bad management and a bad business model. Just over two hundred people worked there, and I met with nearly all of them in the course of handling HR and payroll.

[K'Nort]

In my previous, college-era place of employment (Starbucks) there was a whole lot of socialization going on, between us as employees and (rather obviously) between us and the customers. You see people every day, you kinda get to know them.

A tangent. When I was in Portland over Christmas, I stopped by a Starbucks because my parents don't drink coffee. While I was there, an obviously regular customer came in for his daily drink and also gave the crew a huge box of fancy chocolates for the breakroom. I thought that was neat.

[Puma]

A tangent. When I was in Portland over Christmas, I stopped by a Starbucks because my parents don't drink coffee. While I was there, an obviously regular customer came in for his daily drink and also gave the crew a huge box of fancy chocolates for the breakroom. I thought that was neat.

We have patrons who do that. Granted we also have patrons who come in daily and stay all day.

[Sir Tim Drake]

We have patrons who do that. Granted we also have patrons who come in daily and stay all day.

"You sit all night -- you never buy."
"That's a lie -- that's a lie! I had a tea the other day."
"You couldn't pay."
"Oh yeah."

[K'Nort]

"You sit all night -- you never buy."
"That's a lie -- that's a lie! I had a tea the other day."
"You couldn't pay."
"Oh yeah."

I'd never seen the connection between Rent and Moon Knight before.

[rick]

At the school, we all get along and are very nice to each other at work.

We see each other socially at the Christmas Party and the Summer Picnic.

Other then that we blissfully leave each other alone.

[morna]

Does your work have a culture that requires a certain degree of socializing or emotional support to co-workers?

If so, what are the expectations?

What is the political fallout if you don't meet those expectations yet still perform?

For ten years ('97-2007) Gary and I and a third partner owned a small corporation. It actually turned out to be a medium sized business money wise but we had around ten employees so in that regard it was a very small business. Due to the nature of the business nearly all the people we hired were artists. We had a few rough spots early on but the third person we hired was not an artist and not someone we already knew(of). Mary was with us for the whole ten years, she was with us when we locked the doors the last time and the four of us went to the Bengal lounge for martinis and curry. She is a good friend still. In fact we still hang out with all of the people who were with us at the end. We consciously went for a harmonious working environment. We did everything possible top help our staff and further their careers - those who were glass artists. We didn't pay particularly well but we did a lot of perks and bonuses when there was money. (Free studio access paying for courses)We would cook hot dogs over the glass furnaces when someones birthday happened. Gary and I would sometimes spontaneously buy some beers and whoever wanted to would sit around after work and shoot the shit - occasionally this would devolve into going out drinking or to dinner or one of our places. We had some killer parties at the studio over the years too. We truly were friends with our employees.

I realize that this is an unusual situation but because we were peers as well as employers and it was sometimes difficult in the management end of things. It was heartbreaking when we had to lay off two people. We considered the group dynamic when we hired people as well.


To answer the question, finally, I'd say that there were unspoken expectations for people to participate in our various events big and small, spontaneous and planned, but no repercussions of any sort - other than perhaps a bit of teasing. There were, over the years, people who didn't really fit in but we never treated them badly and they were free to associate with the gang or not. It was a pretty interesting bunch so they usually came around. The one psychopath didn't last a week.

[Fenris]

When the ship goes out to sea for weeks or months, we're literally living with each other, and spending every waking moment in each other's company. So we inevitably do a lot of socializing with each other: there isn't anyone else.

This has its good sides and bad sides. Like school, it's a built-in social environment; so if you're not good at making friends, it helps a lot. On the other hand, there are days when you just want to be left alone; and that's kind of impossible.

There are some Mandatory Fun occaisions, usually involving a cookout and a tournament with pugil sticks; but mostly the command just lets us sort ourselves out by our personal inclinations.

õ
Which is how I like it!

[Paul McEnery]

Does your work have a culture that requires a certain degree of socializing or emotional support to co-workers?

If so, what are the expectations?

What is the political fallout if you don't meet those expectations yet still perform?

Bearing in mind some of my previous jobs, that's a bit of a loaded question. :D

[Donald M.]

(And I've had coworkers who complained to management about that. Although not singling me out. I wasn't unique there.)

Jesus, that would drive me crazy. I don't like saying, "Good morning," or much of anything else to anyone I don't care about. I don't like small talk .Interesting or funny small talk, sure, but talking just to talk? "How are you doing?" "How about that weather?" "What do you think of [Local Sports Team]?" No. Just no. Go away and die.

[Winslow]

When the ship goes out to sea for weeks or months, we're literally living with each other, and spending every waking moment in each other's company. So we inevitably do a lot of socializing with each other: there isn't anyone else.

This has its good sides and bad sides. Like school, it's a built-in social environment; so if you're not good at making friends, it helps a lot. On the other hand, there are days when you just want to be left alone; and that's kind of impossible.

There are some Mandatory Fun occaisions, usually involving a cookout and a tournament with pugil sticks; but mostly the command just lets us sort ourselves out by our personal inclinations.

õ
Which is how I like it!

I forgot about that.

It was a huge adjustment for me when I went from military to civilian culture.

It was SO easy to make friends in the military since you worked, played and lived together.

[howyadoin]

It was SO easy to make friends in the military since you worked, played and lived together.Plus there's the showers...

[Shellhead]

Jesus, that would drive me crazy. I don't like saying, "Good morning," or much of anything else to anyone I don't care about. I don't like small talk .Interesting or funny small talk, sure, but talking just to talk? "How are you doing?" "How about that weather?" "What do you think of [Local Sports Team]?" No. Just no. Go away and die.

Heh. In high school, I used to blow people off when they approached with boring small talk.

Bill: Hey, Mike [that's me]! How's it going?

Mike: Bill, I acknowledge your presence.

It got to be a running joke with my friends, including Bill.

[Serik]

I haven't made a new friend in like 3 years. I'm clearly a failure when it comes to that sort of thing.