My first day at work in more than 18 months.

[Gilda Dent]

Well, I started work today. Technically, I started work last month the day I signed the papers, and got paid for that one day. The lady at human resources said it's better for them when figuring seniority and step raises if my start day is the last business day of last semester rather than the first one of this semester. Apparently, by doing it that way, I'll get step raises one semester earlier each year.

I was late to work. Not the best way to start things. Mapquest said it would be a 25 minute commute one way. Mapquest was off by 20 minutes, I had a problem figuring out where I was supposed to park, and I was ten minutes late.

I was also overdressed. I wore my tan suit, brown tights low-heeled dress shoes, and a black silk camisole under the jacket. I wanted to make a good first impression. I was pretty much the only one there not in jeans and a T-shirt. Nobody said anything, but I really felt out of place.

Being late fortunately had no impact whatsoever, as there was no secretary stationed at the entry doors making a list of all employees entering after the bell to turn over to the principal, as there was at my last school, and there was a number of employees gradually trickling in at the same time. They're apparently pretty casual about things like this on days students aren't here.

I get there at 8:10, and there was a faculty and staff meeting at 8:30. New faculty and staff members were introduced. Fortunately, this was low key--I stood up when the dean called my name, corrected his mispronunciation, identified my specialty as children's literature, and my part of things was over.

I spent the day bouncing from place to place. HR to fill out some more papers and watch a video on disaster preparation and another video on dealing with hazardous materials, IT to get my password and user ID assigned, learn the security procedures and to go over the process for setting up my home computer for remote access to the school network and to sign up for a training slot for new employees, security to go over physical security procedures in case a crazed gunman attacks, get my building and office keys and the security code then back to HR to watch another video on sexual harassment and get my ID badge, parking enforcement to get my instructor hang tag so I don't get a parking ticket. I was warned not to leave the hang tag up when not in the faculty parking lot as some instructors have gotten windows smashed for the purpose of stealing the parking tag.

Strange. There are people who will smash someone's window just so they can park a few hundred feet closer to the building? This is a new one for me.

I spent the entire day in meetings, watching videos, and waiting. I spent maybe an hour actually doing something actually related to teaching.

I also managed to annoy a good number of colleagues by correcting their pronunciation of my name. I pronounce it one way, and they immediately mispronounce it a different way, I correct them. Some looked a little annoyed, some cheerfully accepted the correction.

I had two interesting encounters. I'm looking for physical security and I run into a middle aged Korean woman who was a good three inches taller than I am. I don't meet many Asian women taller than I am. I ask her for directions to physical security and get a series of questions, and after introducing myself as Mrs. Dent some advice to insist on Dr. Dent, as that will get me a little more automatic respect from the veteran instructors and a little more to start with from the students. I don't really care what title people use so long as it isn't Mr., so I'm just going to ignore this bit of advice. I don't want to get into a confrontation over something so trivial.

A second one occurred with a very tall man about my age. It's weird how the people here keep asking personal questions of a complete stranger, but he was the third or forth person that day.

Marshall: Hi, I'm Marshall G., history. You're the new girl, right?
Gilda: Yeah, Gilda N., English.
Marshall: Lit. or comp.?
Gilda: Lit.
Marshall: You taught before?
Gilda: Yeah, seven years, mostly elementary school.
Marshall: Seven years? How old are you?
Gilda: 31.
Marshall: Ah. I was thinking you were a first year just out of college. I bet you still get carded sometimes.
Gilda: Yeah.
Marshall: You're married?
Gilda: Uh, yeah. How did you . . .
Marshall: Your ring. What does your husband do?
Gilda: Research scientist.
Marshall: Where does he work?
Gilda: [I told him]
Marshall: Like older men, do you?
Gilda: I'm actually about a year older.
Marshall: You guys have kids?
Gilda: A little girl, Reina, 18 months.

The conversation went on a bit longer. There were a couple more references to my "husband".

Marshall [grinning]: You seem to have, um, misplaced your pronouns this morning.
Gilda: Not exactly. Just keeping them in storage for now.
Marshall [still grinning]: That's cool. Just so you know, that isn't really necessary, and you're not alone, but it's entirely up to you when you decide to, uh, take them out of storage.
Gilda: OK.
Marshall: Your 'husband' have a name?
Gilda: Emily.
Marshall: Cool.

Tomorrow, hopefully, will give me a chance to disappear into my office and do some lesson planning. Today was OK. Busier than I had expected.

[Michael P]

I'd imagine community college would be an entirely different atmosphere from elementary school, so you'll probably have much less... pronoun trouble than at your last place.

And what's so hard to pronounce about Gilda?

[Gilda Dent]

I'd imagine community college would be an entirely different atmosphere from elementary school, so you'll probably have much less... pronoun trouble than at your last place.

And what's so hard to pronounce about Gilda?

My last name is the one people keep having difficulty with.

I have had people mispronounce Gilda on occasion, though. Usually by adding an /r/ to the end.

[Pink Bat Maxine]

Eh, sounds like he was just bein' a douchenozzle baiter.

Reason #452 why I'm 'out' about all of my stuff in life: I'm not havin' it with this kind of game.

[Matt Algren]

My last name is the one people keep having difficulty with.

I have had people mispronounce Gilda on occasion, though. Usually by adding an /r/ to the end.
People actually call you "Gil-dar"? That's an awesome monster name. To hell with correcting them, you should start calling yourself that.

[Gilda Dent]

People actually call you "Gil-dar"? That's an awesome monster name. To hell with correcting them, you should start calling yourself that.

Or if I were a superhero whose power was the ability to detect fish telepathically.

Sometimes it comes out Gil-dar, and sometimes Gilder.

[hellokittykat]

I didn't even know that you were going back to work Gilda. Congratulations on your new job!:)

[Gilda Dent]

Eh, sounds like he was just bein' a douchenozzle baiter.

Reason #452 why I'm 'out' about all of my stuff in life: I'm not havin' it with this kind of game.

I certainly understand this approach and can't argue with it in the least.

I was open about being gay at my last job--not in anyone's face about it, but open from the very beginning--and the end result was a bit of harassment from the VP, parent complaints, students being moved from my class, and not being asked back at the end of the year.

I thought if I were a little more low key about things to start, at least until people got to know me better, things might go a little more smoothly here. That I'm transsexual will stay private because that's nobody's business but mine, and because it makes things easier for me. I'm not going to lie about it if it does come up, but I see no reason why that would happen.

[sk716]

I'm going to guess that it's a small Community College in a rather large community.

Anyway, sounds like you've found a pretty decent place to warp... I mean mold, young minds.

[Gilda Dent]

I'm going to guess that it's a small Community College in a rather large community.

Anyway, sounds like you've found a pretty decent place to warp... I mean mold, young minds.

About 5000 full time students scattered around several campuses. Something like 10,000 if you include part timers and continuing education classes.

Most of those are in the tech schools, though. I'm teaching in the college transfer and diploma program. Fortunately I'll be spending all my time on the main campus.

[Dr Ray Palmer]

I have several friends who work or have worked in community colleges and their experiences have been extremely positive. I hope yours are, too, Gilda. :)

[TCJohnson]

Stupid side comment: My grandma was also an expert of children's literature. She worked as a high school librarian, but set up a presentation on children's literature that she showed at libraries up and down the east coast.


Anyways, very cool! Congratulations. Sounds like your co workers are a bit nosey but otherwise cool.

[Winslow]

Sounds like a typical first day Gilda.


I certainly understand this approach and can't argue with it in the least.

I was open about being gay at my last job--not in anyone's face about it, but open from the very beginning--and the end result was a bit of harassment from the VP, parent complaints, students being moved from my class, and not being asked back at the end of the year.

Without knowing his voice tone or body language, it seems to me he was just being friendly.

Then again, I don't have the awkward situation of wondering how someone will react to my orientation.


I thought if I were a little more low key about things to start, at least until people got to know me better, things might go a little more smoothly here. That I'm transsexual will stay private because that's nobody's business but mine, and because it makes things easier for me. I'm not going to lie about it if it does come up, but I see no reason why that would happen.

No one needs to know that . . . and it's not a white lie if you keep silent about it, or not reveal it if someone asks.

[Gilda Dent]

For what it's worth, I'll be teaching these courses:

Basics of reading and composition
Intro to literature
Intro to world literature
Intro to poetry
Children's and adolescent literature

Reading and composition is 0 level course, the intro lit courses are 100 level, and the children's lit is a 200 level.

I'll have between 70 and 80 students to start the semester.

[CutterMike]

Or if I were a superhero whose power was the ability to detect fish telepathically.

Sometimes it comes out Gil-dar, and sometimes Gilder.

New Englanders, perhaps. Many of us tend to transfer "R"s from one word to another.

JFK was notorious about "the Russians shipping ahms to Cuber".

Being out can be confusing for some people. A friend was applying for a job where she'd need a security clearance. She was upfront about being gay and the security drone who inter(viewed/rogated -take your choice) her kept asking about the risk of blackmail.

"...But everyone knows."

"Well, suppose they threatened to tell your mother?"

"My mother knew before I did that we were going to get together."

"Well, suppose they threatened to tell your grandmother?"

"My grandmother loves her - she says she thinks ("X" - clearly a woman's name) is the best boyfriend I ever had!"

He couldn't get his head around the concept and she didn't get the job.

[Gilda Dent]

New Englanders, perhaps. Many of us tend to transfer "R"s from one word to another.

JFK was notorious about "the Russians shipping ahms to Cuber".

Being out can be confusing for some people. A friend was applying for a job where she'd need a security clearance. She was upfront about being gay and the security drone who inter(viewed/rogated -take your choice) her kept asking about the risk of blackmail.

"...But everyone knows."

"Well, suppose they threatened to tell your mother?"

"My mother knew before I did that we were going to get together."

"Well, suppose they threatened to tell your grandmother?"

"My grandmother loves her - she says she thinks ("X" - clearly a woman's name) is the best boyfriend I ever had!"

He couldn't get his head around the concept and she didn't get the job.

It's a catch 22 that was used in Federal intelligence agencies for decades. They wouldn't hire homosexuals because there was a risk of their being blackmailed, thus forcing homosexuals to conceal their sexuality, making them more susceptible to blackmail.

[sunshinegirl]

Hope the job goes well for you, Gilda!

[Spike-X]

Being late fortunately had no impact whatsoever, as there was no secretary stationed at the entry doors making a list of all employees entering after the bell to turn over to the principal, as there was at my last school.



I was open about being gay at my last job--not in anyone's face about it, but open from the very beginning--and the end result was a bit of harassment from the VP, parent complaints, students being moved from my class, and not being asked back at the end of the year.

Wow. Your last school sounds like a bunch of uptight assholes.


It's weird how the people here keep asking personal questions of a complete stranger, but he was the third or forth person that day.

*psst* It's called a 'conversation'. *winky*


My last name is the one people keep having difficulty with.


How hard is it to pronounce 'Dent'?



I have had people mispronounce Gilda on occasion, though. Usually by adding an /r/ to the end.

You should move to Australia - 'Gilda' and 'Gilder' sound exactly the same here!

[Solaris]

Marshall [grinning]: You seem to have, um, misplaced your pronouns this morning.
Gilda: Not exactly. Just keeping them in storage for now.
Marshall [still grinning]: That's cool. Just so you know, that isn't really necessary, and you're not alone, but it's entirely up to you when you decide to, uh, take them out of storage.
Gilda: OK.
Marshall: Your 'husband' have a name?
Gilda: Emily.
Marshall: Cool.


I LOVE this!!! That whole "You seem to have misplaced your pronouns this morning" and your "Just keeping them in storage for now" is awesome. Brilliant word play. I wish I could *write* stuff this intelligent---and you two came up with it on the fly. Sigh.

And no, I'm not trivializing in the least your feelings of "a little too personal with the questions", my dear friend---it's just that, as a writer, I had to comment on the quick smarts both of you were exhibiting. Sigh. Wish I was that good off the cuff---but usually I'm the person who thinks of a good thing to say ten minutes after the opportunity has passed.

As for the rest... I'm remembering back when you were posting about your other job, and saying that many people there felt you were "standoffish," etc. and how that bothered you. I know, going by your description of other interactions you had there, some of them were downright nosy.

I'm mentioning this for two reasons:

1. Don't let past experiences influence you in meeting these new people, in this new place. Let them establish themselves with you, for who and what they are.

2. I know you're uncomfortable with quick "get to know you" stuff... and I would bet there's something awkward in your physical mannerisms and expressions when you're called to do so. My dear one, relax. It's going to be okay. You are a lovely and wonderful person... and there's nothing wrong with letting them see that in you. One simple way that can help with this is try letting yourself *SMILE* when someone asks you what you feel is an awkward question. Internally, think of something funny. Even if your answer is reserved, or evasive, that smile will tell them "no harm intended" and "I'm not being stuck up or standoffish---even if I don't feel like answering your question." A genuine smile will go a long way toward letting them know you're a friendly person, even if you don't choose to discuss a lot about yourself.

Another thing is to give whatever brief answer you choose to give... and follow it with a question about *them*. Most people love to talk about themselves... and if you get good at this, you can pick material for your next question about them from their previous answer, and keep the ball in their court for nearly all of the conversation. They'll walk away liking you for being a good and friendly listener (do smile and react to things they say, as you're listening), and you'll walk away happy for not having to field tons of questions you aren't comfortable with answering.

I know your experiences in life (and possibly some of your cultural background) make it difficult for you to deal with the stereotypical "American" quick personal question tendency. Some of those questions (from some people) *are* very intrusive, even by American standards... and using your wit to defuse or deflect them is seen by most to be both acceptable and admirable. But, some of them are just people trying to be friendly and welcoming to the new person... and trying to find things in common with you, as a way to relate to you. Focus on the kindly spirit *behind* the questions, and it may help you feel a little better when they are posed to you.

For instance---going by the conversation you posted, this guy seems a pretty good Joe. He got the gist, made a breezy reference to it (casual and non-personal, really), gave you a sort of wink of approval and a friendly goodbye, and didn't push any farther. That's good manners.

I doubt you'd get the same reactions from everyone you meet there (no population is homogenous)---but, his reactions bode well, for the general climate of your new workplace.

And I hope you have very good experiences there, and end up liking it a lot. :)

And quit worrying so much about what kind of impression you're making! You're a wonderful person. Try the tips I suggested above, and as you grow more familiar with the place and the people, let a little more of the Gilda we know be seen. You're worth it. :)

[Pink Bat Maxine]

I LOVE this!!! That whole "You seem to have misplaced your pronouns this morning" and your "Just keeping them in storage for now" is awesome. Brilliant word play. I wish I could *write* stuff this intelligent---and you two came up with it on the fly. Sigh.

And no, I'm not trivializing in the least your feelings of "a little too personal with the questions", my dear friend---it's just that, as a writer, I had to comment on the quick smarts both of you were exhibiting. Sigh. Wish I was that good off the cuff---but usually I'm the person who thinks of a good thing to say ten minutes after the opportunity has passed.

As for the rest... I'm remembering back when you were posting about your other job, and saying that many people there felt you were "standoffish," etc. and how that bothered you. I know, going by your description of other interactions you had there, some of them were downright nosy.

I'm mentioning this for two reasons:

1. Don't let past experiences influence you in meeting these new people, in this new place. Let them establish themselves with you, for who and what they are.

2. I know you're uncomfortable with quick "get to know you" stuff... and I would bet there's something awkward in your physical mannerisms and expressions when you're called to do so. My dear one, relax. It's going to be okay. You are a lovely and wonderful person... and there's nothing wrong with letting them see that in you. One simple way that can help with this is try letting yourself *SMILE* when someone asks you what you feel is an awkward question. Internally, think of something funny. Even if your answer is reserved, or evasive, that smile will tell them "no harm intended" and "I'm not being stuck up or standoffish---even if I don't feel like answering your question." A genuine smile will go a long way toward letting them know you're a friendly person, even if you don't choose to discuss a lot about yourself.

Another thing is to give whatever brief answer you choose to give... and follow it with a question about *them*. Most people love to talk about themselves... and if you get good at this, you can pick material for your next question about them from their previous answer, and keep the ball in their court for nearly all of the conversation. They'll walk away liking you for being a good and friendly listener (do smile and react to things they say, as you're listening), and you'll walk away happy for not having to field tons of questions you aren't comfortable with answering.

I know your experiences in life (and possibly some of your cultural background) make it difficult for you to deal with the stereotypical "American" quick personal question tendency. Some of those questions (from some people) *are* very intrusive, even by American standards... and using your wit to defuse or deflect them is seen by most to be both acceptable and admirable. But, some of them are just people trying to be friendly and welcoming to the new person... and trying to find things in common with you, as a way to relate to you. Focus on the kindly spirit *behind* the questions, and it may help you feel a little better when they are posed to you.

For instance---going by the conversation you posted, this guy seems a pretty good Joe. He got the gist, made a breezy reference to it (casual and non-personal, really), gave you a sort of wink of approval and a friendly goodbye, and didn't push any farther. That's good manners.

I doubt you'd get the same reactions from everyone you meet there (no population is homogenous)---but, his reactions bode well, for the general climate of your new workplace.

And I hope you have very good experiences there, and end up liking it a lot. :)

And quit worrying so much about what kind of impression you're making! You're a wonderful person. Try the tips I suggested above, and as you grow more familiar with the place and the people, let a little more of the Gilda we know be seen. You're worth it. :)

Dang.

You should rent yourself out for pep talks, Solaris.

Think you could fit me in about March? :p

[Kyuubi]

I'm in school working towards getting a job like that some day.



I hope everything goes well for you, Gilda.

[Solaris]

Dang.

You should rent yourself out for pep talks, Solaris.

Think you could fit me in about March? :p

Absolutely! And I only charge a hug. ;)

Seriously, I hadn't read the rest of the replies yet---and apparently I somehow missed some of the stuff re: her old VP etc. when Gilda talked about it before. I remember issues like, Gilda not wanting to sit at lunch with the other teachers, or hang out in the break room, because it was open field for personal questions, some of the teachers were truly nosy, and in general, Gilda expressed discomfort with it... and how she'd said people ended up with an impression of her as "cold, distant, stand-offish."

I guess that's been rolling around in my hind brain ever since, because when I read her first post, I suddenly thought of the whole smiling thing as maybe being part of the answer.

Gilda *also* tends to worry too much about "dressing right," etc. Understandable... but again, just relaxing and being yourself goes a long way toward helping first impressions---even if you *are* dressed much more formally than everyone else. Besides---when you're the new employee, dressing "above the norm" on your first day tends to happen quite a bit, and people know that. It goes over much better than *under* dressing (as in, torn t-shirt and jeans and holey tennies).

Back to Gilda---

You know hon---you can earn yourself a little extra points as well by pulling someone friendly (and well regarded by the others---watch their body language to get a clue who this is: for that kind of person, you'll see a lot of genuine smiles when they interact with her) on the staff over to the side (preferably a female, since it's a clothing question), and just ask her point blank, "What kind of clothing does the staff usually wear? I noticed yesterday was pretty casual---is that the norm for just "teacher" days, or is it that way when the students are here as well?" Asking for help from someone both helpful and well-regarded is another point in your favor---you're making a connection, and also, you're showing concern for your appearance in your job.

Whenever you have such questions (so long as they aren't in-system politically loaded ones), it's also a good idea to spread them around to different people... asking one question of one person, and the next question of a different person. That way, you're making a contact with several different people (and avoid the initial appearance of "playing favorites"), and in such a manner that *they* feel good about being "in the know," and "helping the new girl," while also creating a good impression of yourself with them. Should you find that one of them is the "nosy" type, I know you are good enough that you can find a way to manage the conversation, and/or exit it as quickly and gracefully as possible. (See? I know you learned a few things from that old job---especially with that one person that kept you cornered talking FOREVER. You finally found a way out of *that* conversation... and I'm sure by now you'll have social-fu'd a few better and quicker ways under your belt.) :D

One of the nice things about starting a new job where no one knows you, is that it's like starting at a new school: you begin with a blank slate. No one there is holding onto things they heard five years ago, or some way you misspoke yourself, or gossip that your detractor made up about you. Yes, you have to learn a new system and new community---which, like all, will have un-fun members---but that's more than offset by the chance to apply skills and knowledge you've picked up since the *last* time you were the "new girl." Besides... I'm sure you can fill a lot of conversation, when necessary, with tales of baby Dent. ;) That'll help a lot.

[Brad Barton]

Well, Gilda, having struggled with and ultimately overcome social anxiety myself, I was going to give you some advice on it...but Solaris took it all. :p

Seriously though, listen to everything Solaris said. Being a more outgoing person generally starts with wanting to connect with these people on a personal level, and when social interaction isn't really your cup o' tea, that can be pretty taxing at times. Even though it's one of the oldest cliches in the book, just being yourself--"Yourself" being the person you are when you're around your most trusted loved ones--is almost always the best avenue to take.

Anyway, good luck with everything. Keep your eye on the "ball" (Helping your students get the best education possible) and try not to sweat the small stuff.

[Flamebird]

To add to what everyone else has said;

Just remember, you now have "THE FIRST DAYTM", over; so now you can relax a bit, get to know your job and the students/faculty at your own pace.

You got the job on your own merits, not on what you wear or how social you are; but on your ability to teach.

So good luck and don't forget to enjoy this new experience. :D

[Typo Lad]

Glad it went well Gilda. I think Marshall was just trying to be nice, and probably feels like an arse for assuming.

As for the name thing, I feel your pain. There's one place I deal with on an almost daily basis that insists on calling me "Mordify". Then there's Suzannah, who people call Susan, Suzann, or even Jordana. People hear what they want to.

[Paradox]

They certainly do. A gentleman called me "Susan" on the phone, yesterday. :D

[saintsaucey]

I want to know what her last name is so i can figure out why they misspronounced it. and yeah your old school seems like a bunch of ass hats. There was an openly gay teaching (science fiction liturature) when i was in high school. no one had a beef with him and i lived in podunck indiana. home of the most ignornat sonsa bitches you can find

[Paradox]

I'm pretty sure Gilda's keeping her last name private, or she would have told us already, saucey. Best not to press.

[saintsaucey]

I'm pretty sure Gilda's keeping her last name private, or she would have told us already, saucey. Best not to press.

but now she has got my intrest peaked damnit.

[Typo Lad]

Saint, I understand, but one should respect one's privacy.

[saintsaucey]

im not pressing really im not but if you have ever watched sports night i have the scene, where dan is trying to figure out who casey slept with and he starts listing the names he thinks are hard to pronounce, playing in my head

[Solaris]

SS, I think you're just going to have to file this one away as "one of many unanswered questions in my life" and deal with it. :evilsmile Seriously, Gilda has had at times in her life good reason to wish to protect her identity from strangers... and I, who like many here who've known her for years now, feel no need to press her to violate her own privacy. (And no, I don't know her real name, either---and I've never asked her to tell it.)

In other words---quit asking, or I'm going to come over there and bonk you on the head---and *not* in a "nice" way. She deserves more respect than what you're showing her.

[Winslow]

For what it's worth, I'll be teaching these courses:

Basics of reading and composition
Intro to literature
Intro to world literature
Intro to poetry
Children's and adolescent literature

Reading and composition is 0 level course, the intro lit courses are 100 level, and the children's lit is a 200 level.

I'll have between 70 and 80 students to start the semester.

As one that hopes to become a teacher this year, five courses seems like a huge load to develop lesson plans for.

Is most of the reading material stuff you've read in the past?

[Winslow]

but now she has got my intrest peaked damnit.

And I'm curious about your social security number. Why don't you post that for me.

[saintsaucey]

SS, I think you're just going to have to file this one away as "one of many unanswered questions in my life" and deal with it. :evilsmile Seriously, Gilda has had at times in her life good reason to wish to protect her identity from strangers... and I, who like many here who've known her for years now, feel no need to press her to violate her own privacy. (And no, I don't know her real name, either---and I've never asked her to tell it.)

In other words---quit asking, or I'm going to come over there and bonk you on the head---and *not* in a "nice" way. She deserves more respect than what you're showing her.


sorry i meant no disrespect honestly. thought the lack of seriousness would have showed with my last post. i have the utmost respect for gilda since she is the first person to ever acknowledge me on the yabs board

[Cam63]

Gilda, was Marshall wearing a padded helmet ?

[Pink Bat Maxine]

SS, I think you're just going to have to file this one away as "one of many unanswered questions in my life" and deal with it. :evilsmile Seriously, Gilda has had at times in her life good reason to wish to protect her identity from strangers... and I, who like many here who've known her for years now, feel no need to press her to violate her own privacy. (And no, I don't know her real name, either---and I've never asked her to tell it.)

In other words---quit asking, or I'm going to come over there and bonk you on the head---and *not* in a "nice" way. She deserves more respect than what you're showing her.

Hell, I'd probably keep my real name secret if it weren't so incredibly generic it's not funny.

[TCJohnson]

Hell, I'd probably keep my real name secret if it weren't so incredibly generic it's not funny.

That is why I am not worried about people looking up my name.

[Sabrinaset]

Yaaaaay Gilda! I am so happy for you! *HUGZ!*


JFK was notorious about "the Russians shipping ahms to Cuber".

Ah, Bahstahn accents. I had one professor who spoke it to the point almost none of us understood the lectures.


Absolutely! And I only charge a hug. ;)

Wait! If I invite Kris, can we get one too?


I want to know what her last name is so i can figure out why they misspronounced it.

Oh boy. Saucey ... maybe you should just stop. I mean, Gilda and I are friends and have discussed a LOT of stuff together ... and it was over a year before she told ME her real name. There's two, maybe three people on CBR who know the name I was born with, and I didn't tell them this right off the bat.

Seriously. You're being ... creepy.

[Nick Soapdish]

im not pressing really im not but if you have ever watched sports night i have the scene, where dan is trying to figure out who casey slept with and he starts listing the names he thinks are hard to pronounce, playing in my head

It's Dent. Some people just have more trouble with it than others.

And yes, this is my real name, too. ;)

[Gilda Dent]

saintsaucy: I'm not giving out my last name here.

I can illustrate the point, I think. Assume for a moment that the last name in question is Yamashita, a fairly common Japanese family name. Most Americans looking at that are going to pronounce it YOM-uh-SHEE-tuh, or possibly YAM-uh-SHEE-tuh. A Japanese pronunciation would be much closer to yah-MOSH-i-tuh or yuh-MOSH-i-tuh, or if the speaker is lazy, the short /i/ in the third syllable would be dropped, resulting in something sounding like yuh-MOSH-tuh. Most listeners hear the three syllable version even when the speaker uses the four syllable one.

Short version: People kept calling me YOM-uh-SHEE-tuh, and I'd correct them to yuh-MOSH-tuh, which isn't really all that difficult to pronounce, especially as I was simplifying the pronunciation for them.

[Pink Bat Maxine]

saintsaucy: I'm not giving out my last name here.

I can illustrate the point, I think. Assume for a moment that the last name in question is Yamashita, a fairly common Japanese family name. Most Americans looking at that are going to pronounce it YOM-uh-SHEE-tuh, or possibly YAM-uh-SHEE-tuh. A Japanese pronunciation would be much closer to yah-MOSH-i-tuh or yuh-MOSH-i-tuh, or if the speaker is lazy, the short /i/ in the third syllable would be dropped, resulting in something sounding like yuh-MOSH-tuh. Most listeners hear the three syllable version even when the speaker uses the four syllable one.

Short version: People kept calling me YOM-uh-SHEE-tuh, and I'd correct them to yuh-MOSH-tuh, which isn't really all that difficult to pronounce, especially as I was simplifying the pronunciation for them.

How's your second day at work going?
Hang in..... sometimes people being genuine and nice can be the scariest thing when meeting new folk. At least, if you're anything like me.
But you're gonna rawk it. 'Cause you're Gilda.

[Gilda Dent]

As one that hopes to become a teacher this year, five courses seems like a huge load to develop lesson plans for.

Is most of the reading material stuff you've read in the past?

Five units is the standard teaching load for full time instructors here.

I'm used to planning for eight lessons a day for 20 students per lesson, so five units, which amounts to three classes a day with 14 students per class, doesn't seem like a lot to me.

Most secondary teachers plan six classes, either six daily if on a traditional schedule, or three daily with classes alternating days on a block schedule. Depending on the school district, this might be anything from six different courses to one course taught to six different classes. When I taught middle school I had three preps for six classes, a total of 120 students that were on my daily rolls.

The intro classes all use the ubiquitous Norton Anthologies, and I'm free to pick what I like from the anthologies to teach the course objectives. I'll be doing a good amount of reading the assigned material along with the class, but I always reread everything I assign for class anyway, regardless of how many times I may have read it before.

I have seventeen credit hours in class, and another 15 required office hours per week. 15 hours of paid plan time per week is like a trip to Disneyland compared to an hour a day in public school.

[TCJohnson]

Really glad it is going so well for you!

Hey, I am curious about what kind of reading material you are requiring for your "Children's and adolescent literature"....a subject i have always been interested in for the reasons stated above.

[Dr Ray Palmer]

The intro classes all use the ubiquitous Norton Anthologies, and I'm free to pick what I like from the anthologies to teach the course objectives.

Oh, the Nortons anthologies! I haven't seen one of those in years. Are they still gigantic and printed on that very thin Bible paper?

[Gilda Dent]

How's your second day at work going?
Hang in..... sometimes people being genuine and nice can be the scariest thing when meeting new folk. At least, if you're anything like me.
But you're gonna rawk it. 'Cause you're Gilda.

Yeah, I'm the same way. Meeting and getting to know new people is not one of my favorite things in the world. Emily once described us as a perfect couple because she's an assertive introvert and I'm a shy extrovert, which gives us a nice balance. This isn't quite accurate--I probably fall right around the middle on the introversion/extroversion scale, but it sounds better the way she says it.

It was a good second day. My first poetry unit is planned, my entire intro to literature unit schedule is planned. More people are getting my name right. I had a half dozen drop-ins at my office, mostly other English instructors, which is anxiety inducing, but I survived by talking shop. Marshall was one of these, and he seemed friendly. Another one was a mom with a little one, and I asked her about the quality of the daycare, and she said it was good. The supervisors are both early childhood development professionals and the staffers are work-study students, often doing an internship for early childhood education classes from the university, and they're drop-in friendly, all of which is good news for Little Dent.

I found out that my parking tag gives me access to any faculty parking lot in the state community college and university system, which I think is what makes them valuable to thieves.

One more day of plan time without students. Students are on campus next Monday, and classes start Wednesday. I think I'll be more comfortable once I have students. Or not. I've never taught anyone older than 12 before.

I think I can do this.

[Gilda Dent]

Glad it went well Gilda. I think Marshall was just trying to be nice, and probably feels like an arse for assuming.

As for the name thing, I feel your pain. There's one place I deal with on an almost daily basis that insists on calling me "Mordify". Then there's Suzannah, who people call Susan, Suzann, or even Jordana. People hear what they want to.

Will gets this. People want to call him Bill, Billy, or William despite corrections. Except adolescent boys, all of whom seem to think they're the first person to think of turning Will into Willy, usually followed by Beavis and Butthead style self-congratulations for their cleverness.

[Pink Bat Maxine]

Yeah, I'm the same way. Meeting and getting to know new people is not one of my favorite things in the world. Emily once described us as a perfect couple because she's an assertive introvert and I'm a shy extrovert, which gives us a nice balance. This isn't quite accurate--I probably fall right around the middle on the introversion/extroversion scale, but it sounds better the way she says it.

It was a good second day. My first poetry unit is planned, my entire intro to literature unit schedule is planned. More people are getting my name right. I had a half dozen drop-ins at my office, mostly other English instructors, which is anxiety inducing, but I survived by talking shop. Marshall was one of these, and he seemed friendly. Another one was a mom with a little one, and I asked her about the quality of the daycare, and she said it was good. The supervisors are both early childhood development professionals and the staffers are work-study students, often doing an internship for early childhood education classes from the university, and they're drop-in friendly, all of which is good news for Little Dent.

I found out that my parking tag gives me access to any faculty parking lot in the state community college and university system, which I think is what makes them valuable to thieves.

One more day of plan time without students. Students are on campus next Monday, and classes start Wednesday. I think I'll be more comfortable once I have students. Or not. I've never taught anyone older than 12 before.

I think I can do this.

You can, you will, and you'll triumph.

And it sounds like a really good workplace, once some nerves settle down. And I'm SO happy they provide child care!!!! That's pretty rare to find in a job, let alone as good child care as it sounds like you have.

Keep strong and steady. I'm behind you and I think all of us are.

[TCJohnson]

I think I can do this.

I know you can.

[Gilda Dent]

I LOVE this!!! That whole "You seem to have misplaced your pronouns this morning" and your "Just keeping them in storage for now" is awesome. Brilliant word play. I wish I could *write* stuff this intelligent---and you two came up with it on the fly. Sigh.

"In the closet" was on the tip of my tongue, but that didn't feel quite right, so I substituted the first synonym that came to mind.


As for the rest... I'm remembering back when you were posting about your other job, and saying that many people there felt you were "standoffish," etc. and how that bothered you. I know, going by your description of other interactions you had there, some of them were downright nosy.

I'm mentioning this for two reasons:

1. Don't let past experiences influence you in meeting these new people, in this new place. Let them establish themselves with you, for who and what they are.

I'll try. As I said in Rita's, I have another year in therapy under my belt and some nice drugs that help. They don't quite keep the ANTs away, but they do give me a bit more of buffer so that I can apply the coping strategies I've learned in therapy.


2. I know you're uncomfortable with quick "get to know you" stuff... and I would bet there's something awkward in your physical mannerisms and expressions when you're called to do so. My dear one, relax. It's going to be okay. You are a lovely and wonderful person... and there's nothing wrong with letting them see that in you. One simple way that can help with this is try letting yourself *SMILE* when someone asks you what you feel is an awkward question. Internally, think of something funny. Even if your answer is reserved, or evasive, that smile will tell them "no harm intended" and "I'm not being stuck up or standoffish---even if I don't feel like answering your question." A genuine smile will go a long way toward letting them know you're a friendly person, even if you don't choose to discuss a lot about yourself.

I'll try. I've had two people ask me when my braces come off already, so there's a nice secondary benefit there, a distraction from personal stuff into something mundane.


Another thing is to give whatever brief answer you choose to give... and follow it with a question about *them*. Most people love to talk about themselves... and if you get good at this, you can pick material for your next question about them from their previous answer, and keep the ball in their court for nearly all of the conversation. They'll walk away liking you for being a good and friendly listener (do smile and react to things they say, as you're listening), and you'll walk away happy for not having to field tons of questions you aren't comfortable with answering.

Much of this is right in line with the social skills training I've been getting in therapy. Thank you.


I know your experiences in life (and possibly some of your cultural background) make it difficult for you to deal with the stereotypical "American" quick personal question tendency. Some of those questions (from some people) *are* very intrusive, even by American standards... and using your wit to defuse or deflect them is seen by most to be both acceptable and admirable. But, some of them are just people trying to be friendly and welcoming to the new person... and trying to find things in common with you, as a way to relate to you. Focus on the kindly spirit *behind* the questions, and it may help you feel a little better when they are posed to you.

Heh. The cultural thing is a little strange, as it's a bunch of different cultural conversational styles colliding with each other. I'm the product of a combination of Japanese, American, and Filipino conversational styles, all of which are quite different. An American conversation is like a game of tennis--one person starts and makes her point, then the other person plays off of that, adding to it or taking it in a different direction, or adding a different spin. A Japanese conversation is more like a game of pinball. The first person takes her turn, starts with a blank slate, goes from the beginning of what she needs to say to the end uninterrupted. Then the next person does the same, not building on the previous person's game, but starting from a blank slate once again. A Filipino conversation (at least in my mom's family) is like a game of rugby. One person starts with the ball, and as soon as you think you have something to contribute, you knock her down and take the ball and run with it for as long as you can until someone takes it from you.

I've tried to learn the "take turns" American style of conversation as best I can, but haven't quite mastered the art of reading pauses to know when it's my turn to speak or when it's OK to interrupt. I'm getting better, but still not there yet.


For instance---going by the conversation you posted, this guy seems a pretty good Joe. He got the gist, made a breezy reference to it (casual and non-personal, really), gave you a sort of wink of approval and a friendly goodbye, and didn't push any farther. That's good manners.

I doubt you'd get the same reactions from everyone you meet there (no population is homogenous)---but, his reactions bode well, for the general climate of your new workplace.

Playing yesterday and today's follow up back in my mind, I think Marshall was trying to tell me he was gay and that it isn't a problem here.

I did look up the non-discrimination policy, and it covers sex, but not orientation, but the sexual harassment video I watched yesterday did include a brief segment on same-sex harassment. I think it was a stock training video, though, so that may or may not be a good sign.

It is a college arts and humanities department, and those do tend to attract a larger than normal proportion of LGBT people.


And I hope you have very good experiences there, and end up liking it a lot. :)

And quit worrying so much about what kind of impression you're making! You're a wonderful person. Try the tips I suggested above, and as you grow more familiar with the place and the people, let a little more of the Gilda we know be seen. You're worth it. :)

Worrying about the kind of impression I make is what I do. It's what I'm best at.

:)

But I'm improving. Dressed more appropriately today, jeans, tennies, a concert T-shirt, so I felt like I fit in more.

[Corrina]

Gilda, you are brave and strong and an inspiration and you can do this. :)

[Night Swordsman]

I concur with Corrina. You are a wonderful example of intelligence,class,and maturity. We need MORE people like you in this world.

[beetlebum]

http://www.mommiesnbabies.com/forums/images/smilies/congrats1.gif
http://www.mommiesnbabies.com/forums/images/smilies/newjob.gif


Congrats Gilda. Sorry I missed this, I've been away. As for your real name, there is only one person on this forum who knows what my real name is. I too have to worry about my safety. I've had someone in my family who was stalked by her lousy crazy dick ex (and I tooold her he was no good), so I understand the fear.

As for Saint Saucey, I think people have been too harsh on him. He is a bit daft, but I'd attribute that to social awkwardness and not anything malicious. He is a nice guy. At least he has been to me.

Pressing for a name was going too far though. Gilda, you can also take comfort in knowing you are not the only Asian on this board who has a hard to pronounce surname. My last name is six letters for crying out loud. SIX letters and people still have a hard time with it. WTF?! http://www.mommiesnbabies.com/forums/images/smilies/shrug.gif


But congrats Gilda, for not only your job, but your sage wisdom, and patience that must have been granted to you by Harmonia herself. While I'm a tempest always ready to explode, you are the complete opposite.

Thanks for being there and for being someone to aspire to. :)

[Solaris]

I'm glad your second day went well! :) And I loved your "game analogies" for different conversation styles---extremely well-done. (I have a weakness for analogies... but by now I'm sure you've noticed that, heh.)

In fact, thinking of these conversations as a type of "game" may well help you---it helps engage your analytical skills (which are QUITE formidable!), and thus takes your attention away from your emotions. ;)

As for student ages---I think you're going to find it quite refreshing, working with people who are (supposedly, heh) of an age and mentality to comprehend the depth of what you wish to teach. I think you're going to enjoy it very much---because in a way, it's much like some of the conversations you have here on CBR, in the good threads when you get to pull out all the stops and think think think, and then say what you think, then listen to someone else and then think think think some more. :D

Let's face it, Gilda: for all that you loved the little ones, and have a gift with them, you are a very intellectual, intelligent person. Having the chance to challenge students to think anywhere *near* your level is going to be exhilirating for you. :)

EDIT: Oh, and PS: you're welcome!

[Gilda Dent]

Oh, the Nortons anthologies! I haven't seen one of those in years. Are they still gigantic and printed on that very thin Bible paper?

Yep. 1500-3000 pages depending on the volume.

Whenever one of those "five books on a desert island" challenges comes up, I use Norton Anthologies. Five of those and you can have ten to twelve thousand pages of reading material.

I got to order some books, so we'll be reading some actual novels and picture books for my children's lit class.


I'm glad your second day went well! :) And I loved your "game analogies" for different conversation styles---extremely well-done. (I have a weakness for analogies... but by now I'm sure you've noticed that, heh.)

Yeah. Me, too, though I'm not quite as good as creating them as you are.


In fact, thinking of these conversations as a type of "game" may well help you---it helps engage your analytical skills (which are QUITE formidable!), and thus takes your attention away from your emotions. ;)

The analytical skill comes in handy for the teaching part, but casual conversation seems to be more intuitive, and I think that's where I have problems.


As for student ages---I think you're going to find it quite refreshing, working with people who are (supposedly, heh) of an age and mentality to comprehend the depth of what you wish to teach. I think you're going to enjoy it very much---because in a way, it's much like some of the conversations you have here on CBR, in the good threads when you get to pull out all the stops and think think think, and then say what you think, then listen to someone else and then think think think some more. :D

Let's face it, Gilda: for all that you loved the little ones, and have a gift with them, you are a very intellectual, intelligent person. Having the chance to challenge students to think anywhere *near* your level is going to be exhilirating for you. :)

That will, I think, be one of the advantages. These aren't university students, but they seem to be good kids.

--------------------

First day of class today. I got some whining over attendance policy, cell phone policy, and writing requirements in the lit classes, but otherwise things went smoothly. Children's Lit closed two hours into regular registration Monday.

In Basics of Reading and Composition, I had a student turn in a writing sample that was amazing. No capitalization except for the occasional random capital, no spaces between words, no punctuation, and the writing ignored the guide lines on the paper.

I'm going to have to have an individual conference with this boy tomorrow.

I have three others in this class that I'm going to recommend be transferred to the regular credit freshman comp class because their writing skills are perfectly adequate for incoming college freshmen. May as well make room for some students who actually need this class.

beetlebum: Emily's mom really gets problems with her name. Over a dozen letters and three sounds that don't exist in English. It is, according to both Em and her mom, all but impossible for non-Thai speakers to get entirely correct.

And thanks for the feedback. It's nice to see you back here.

[saintsaucey]

In Basics of Reading and Composition, I had a student turn in a writing sample that was amazing. No capitalization except for the occasional random capital, no spaces between words, no punctuation, and the writing ignored the guide lines on the paper.

I'm going to have to have an individual conference with this boy tomorrow.


thats so strAngecause Ihaveaconferencewith my nEW reaDung composition teachertomorrowtoo 4 that exAct samereason. oh fuck