Am I being daft?

[Alan Lynch]

I'm quite upset about this, and I'm not sure if there's any reason for it. And without wanting to bug people I do need a totally impartial take on things.

So Christmas Eve a bunch of folk went out and got quite drunk. Towards the end of the night - I didn't know about this - a couple of people found a bag in the pub. In the bag were lots of Christmas presents, which they decided to rip open and throw around a friend's flat.

Then someone noticed that the presents belonged to my brother and his girlfriend. They were for me, each other and my parents. At this point I was told what was going on, and I got understandably pissed off. After a lot of shouting and swearing on my part, the pricks were sent home and the presents wrapped again. We stayed up until 5:30am doing this.

I know I'm right to be angry at the folks involved. One is the brother of a friend, and she's apologised - not that she did anything. But another actually is a friend of mine, and he thinks he doesn't have to apologise. Fine. Fuck that guy. But most of my other friends are hanging out with him like nothing happened. I just feel that's a huge kick in the balls. For a start, what kind of asshole thinks it's funny opening a stranger's Christmas presents when they should've handed the bag over? And then thinks there's nothing to apologise for?

So, straight-talking: am I right to be upset over how people are reacting to this? This guy lives in England, and he's leaving at the weekend so he's not an issue. I'm just worried that I'll end up holding this against people I love for longer than is necessary.

[Lunar Daydreamer]

The guy's a mental and if he's not even the slightest bit upset or remorseful then the man has no soul ... and hence is probably a man utd fan.

Hoping it didn't ruin your Christmas - or theirs and that the presents weren't damaged.

New year good wishes to you, Captain Scotland :D

[GozertheGozarian]

I'm not the best person for advice, but I'd probably tell them to go fuck themselves until they apologize.

[Alan Lynch]

The guy's a mental and if he's not even the slightest bit upset or remorseful then the man has no soul ... and hence is probably a man utd fan.

Hoping it didn't ruin your Christmas - or theirs and that the presents weren't damaged.

New year good wishes to you, Captain Scotland :D
Oh, he's a cunt. No denying that. But Christmas was saved by 2 lovely girls who were all too happy to sit up late and wrap things; put ribbons on and everything.

And you have a good new year as well man.
I'm not the best person for advice, but I'd probably tell them to go fuck themselves until they apologize.
Again, this twat isn't the problem. I told him to fuck off at the time, and if I see him again - which I'm actively trying to avoid until he leaves - I'll do the same. But it's my other friends who've upset me here.

I dunno, I guess I feel almost betrayed that they aren't pissed off at him. I know I wouldn't be able to be civil with someone who screwed over a friend that easy - or is as apparently amoral as this - so can't understand how they can.

[Gladiaria_Alata]

No you aren't being daft. :)

But they were all certainly asses of the highest order! :mad:

..Except for the ladies who rewrapped everything. They should be praised! *nods*

[king mob]

Have a word with these blokes and tell them they were acting like cunts & you were not impressed. Tell them that the girls showed them up as least they had the bollocks to admit they were wrong & try to make things better. I'm assuming these guys just sat there uncomfortably when they were told the girls wrapped the pressies up?

[GozertheGozarian]

Again, this twat isn't the problem. I told him to fuck off at the time, and if I see him again - which I'm actively trying to avoid until he leaves - I'll do the same. But it's my other friends who've upset me here.

I dunno, I guess I feel almost betrayed that they aren't pissed off at him. I know I wouldn't be able to be civil with someone who screwed over a friend that easy - or is as apparently amoral as this - so can't understand how they can.
I used them to mean the entire group. Make them show they're really your friends.

[Cam63]

I'm not the best person for advice, but I'd probably tell them to go fuck themselves until they apologize.

I second that.

[Solaris]

The two guys in question owe you and your family an apology. Nice that the sister of one apologized for him---but he needs to grow the balls to do it himself. The other guy who was your friend, the one who refuses to apologize? Fuck it. He's a class-A jerkwad. Never trust him again.

As for the friends who keep hanging out with Mr. Jerkwad and don't see a problem with it---are they aware that he REFUSES to apologize for his actions? If so, you need new friends; go get some. And dump these guys. If they were real friends, they'd refuse to have anything to do with this guy until YOU tell them he's come to you and is truly sorry for being a drunken asshole, and acting like the worst kind of 13-yr-old.

Seriously. I may not have a ton of friends... but NONE of my friends would stick up for, or stick around with, someone like that, unless he made a sincere apology. (Sincere as in, not just for the show, but because he really feels bad for being a dick.)

These two guys were rude and uncaring to your entire family. Kick 'em to the curb, and also anyone who stands up for them, unless and until real heart-felt apologies happen.

And the two lovelies who helped re-wrap the prezzies? Give 'em an extra hug for me---because that's the kind of thing REAL friends do.

[Alan Lynch]

Have a word with these blokes and tell them they were acting like cunts & you were not impressed. Tell them that the girls showed them up as least they had the bollocks to admit they were wrong & try to make things better. I'm assuming these guys just sat there uncomfortably when they were told the girls wrapped the pressies up?
The girls were even better than that: they had nothing to do with things in the first place. They just stepped up on their own. Everyone else was in bed, and I found out today that they apparently don't know how cunty this guy was.As for the friends who keep hanging out with Mr. Jerkwad and don't see a problem with it---are they aware that he REFUSES to apologize for his actions? If so, you need new friends; go get some. And dump these guys. If they were real friends, they'd refuse to have anything to do with this guy until YOU tell them he's come to you and is truly sorry for being a drunken asshole, and acting like the worst kind of 13-yr-old.
Like I say, apparently they don't. So I'll need to talk it out with them; the only person I've seen since is one of the girls who helped out after.

You guys give great advice as always; it's much appreciated.

[Lunar Daydreamer]

Alan, you're a shit hot* lad and you should always trust your radar.

Just how much everyone here thinks of you proves that.

:)

[sunshinegirl]

alan, first of all I think you're a swell guy. Second, anyone that messes with someone's Christmas presents....well, they are NOT!

There are some things in life that you just DON'T do. For instance, you don't kick puppies, and certainly don't steal someone's presents! The whole group that won't step up and apologize either don't care that you are upset and/or they are too proud to apologize. In either case, they will not be true friends in the long haul. If they cannot admit a wrong to a friend, how can you trust them later?

What I would do... tell all those dudes to go suck it.

Then ask out one (or both if you're kinky like that) of the chicks that helped you out! That shows compassion that they put helping you above their own desires for sleep.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason- even the bad. The good just needs to be found in it, and with every crappy thing that happens in life, you build character. Character is not established amidst handling happy things or good times. Character is earned through handling, with dignity and honor, the bad things that life throws at you. A person can either whine about how crappy that this or that happened or they can suck it up, deal with it and make something good come from it. I've seen rape victims become speakers at high schools and colleges or learn and offer self-defense courses. They use their misfortune to help others. How you deal with such things creates the person that you are, will become, and will be remembered for.



alright, I'll shut up now.

[bert]

But it's my other friends who've upset me here.

I dunno, I guess I feel almost betrayed that they aren't pissed off at him. I know I wouldn't be able to be civil with someone who screwed over a friend that easy - or is as apparently amoral as this - so can't understand how they can.

#1 rule to live by -- you can't be upset that others don't behave as YOU would in a given situation.

Would *I* feel betrayed? Absolutely, so I understand. . but you can't control whom your friends want to be friends with.

so. . . all you can do is look at your friends, and decide if you love them enough to "not care" that they want to hang out with this shithead. If yes, then problem solved, and just don't deal with the one guy.

if No? Problem still solved, and when your friends ask you why you no longer hang with them. . TELL them why.


hope this helped?

[Alan Lynch]

#1 rule to live by -- you can't be upset that others don't behave as YOU would in a given situation.

Would *I* feel betrayed? Absolutely, so I understand. . but you can't control whom your friends want to be friends with.

so. . . all you can do is look at your friends, and decide if you love them enough to "not care" that they want to hang out with this shithead. If yes, then problem solved, and just don't deal with the one guy.

if No? Problem still solved, and when your friends ask you why you no longer hang with them. . TELL them why.


hope this helped?
I think you've come as close to my thinking as anyone here Bert. I know that these folks are good people, and most have since talked to the guy about it. So I don't see me cutting them off; it seems a bit dramatic for me. I just need to know that they realise how shitty a thing was done here. it seems a pretty universal reaction, right?

Bah, I'm talking myself in circles here. The main thing is that I'm pretty confident it's not just me overreacting. You guys have helped a whole lot, and it's much appreciated.

[Matt Algren]

I'm quite upset about this, and I'm not sure if there's any reason for it. And without wanting to bug people I do need a totally impartial take on things.

So Christmas Eve a bunch of folk went out and got quite drunk. Towards the end of the night - I didn't know about this - a couple of people found a bag in the pub. In the bag were lots of Christmas presents, which they decided to rip open and throw around a friend's flat.

Then someone noticed that the presents belonged to my brother and his girlfriend. They were for me, each other and my parents. At this point I was told what was going on, and I got understandably pissed off. After a lot of shouting and swearing on my part, the pricks were sent home and the presents wrapped again. We stayed up until 5:30am doing this.

I know I'm right to be angry at the folks involved. One is the brother of a friend, and she's apologised - not that she did anything. But another actually is a friend of mine, and he thinks he doesn't have to apologise. Fine. Fuck that guy. But most of my other friends are hanging out with him like nothing happened. I just feel that's a huge kick in the balls. For a start, what kind of asshole thinks it's funny opening a stranger's Christmas presents when they should've handed the bag over? And then thinks there's nothing to apologise for?

So, straight-talking: am I right to be upset over how people are reacting to this? This guy lives in England, and he's leaving at the weekend so he's not an issue. I'm just worried that I'll end up holding this against people I love for longer than is necessary.I'd still be pissed off and would probably tell them to go fuck themselves, but the part I bolded might be part of the reason he (and they) think he isn't totally culpable.

Still a fup thing to do.

[Solaris]

The girls were even better than that: they had nothing to do with things in the first place. They just stepped up on their own. Everyone else was in bed, and I found out today that they apparently don't know how cunty this guy was.
Like I say, apparently they don't. So I'll need to talk it out with them; the only person I've seen since is one of the girls who helped out after.

You guys give great advice as always; it's much appreciated.

Well, you're welcome! :) If they don't know yet that this guy refuses to apologize (or maybe, even that he was one who did it), give them a chance to react, and for gods's sakes, tell them asap. There's no point getting angry with them, unless and until they decide to hang with the guy anyway, afterwards.

You haven't said, but I'll bet this guy's response is some kind of attempt to put the blame back on you... like, "Hey, it's not my problem if he can't take a joke!" or "Geez, we were just having fun!"

:rolleyes: :mad: One of the most infuriating things in the world is when someone acts like an asshole, and then tries to make it all about YOU and how you "can't take a joke." And I'll just bet that's what he's doing... because that kind of thing seems to be par for the course with a certain personality type, and he sounds like that type. But, I have to take one thing back: the *most* infuriating thing is when mutual friends back up the person's attempt to redirect, and basically start chastizing *you* for "not being able to take a joke." Because then what you have is a bunch of people reinforcing the asshole in not only BEING an asshole, but also in trying to make YOU feel bad for being upset with THE JERK for BEING AN ASSHOLE. *pant pant pant*

And, of course, the asshole feels vindicated, and you're left with a bag full of anger and writing off people you thought were friends, left and right, because they chose to enable and support the jerk, rather than understanding the harm he's caused you and giving a shit about THAT.

Wow. Guess I had some repressed anger there, from my own experiences. :D

Anyway, give them a chance, and see how they react once you tell them that the guy did this, and how he's reacting... and then just go from there.

[bert]

Wow. Guess I had some repressed anger there, from my own experiences. :D


gee. . where could THAT be coming from :)

*(see PM).

[Alan Lynch]

You haven't said, but I'll bet this guy's response is some kind of attempt to put the blame back on you... like, "Hey, it's not my problem if he can't take a joke!" or "Geez, we were just having fun!"
Spot on, or near as dammit. His attitude was that I'd find it funny if it hadn't been my brother's presents they did it to. Which is such total bullshit I didn;t know where to start.

But yeah, I really do need to get talking to these guys more. I'd assumed they knew the whole story - especially since one of them sent a message to say he found earrings for my mum. Which, seriously, how can you not get pissed off when you find a friend's mother's earrings on your floor?

Suppose it depends on the circumstances actually...

[Solaris]

Spot on, or near as dammit. His attitude was that I'd find it funny if it hadn't been my brother's presents they did it to. Which is such total bullshit I didn;t know where to start.

But yeah, I really do need to get talking to these guys more. I'd assumed they knew the whole story - especially since one of them sent a message to say he found earrings for my mum. Which, seriously, how can you not get pissed off when you find a friend's mother's earrings on your floor?

Suppose it depends on the circumstances actually...


Forgive me for saying so, but IMO, people like this guy were seriously short on "trips to the woodshed" when they were younger.

And yeah, that whole "well if it wasn't YOUR presents, you'd find it funny!" thing? Stupid. Hell, I'm pissed for you, and they certainly weren't MY presents! ;)

There are simply certain standards of behavior toward other people that a decent human being lives by... and a lot of it simply comes from the ability to put yourself in the other person's (victim's) shoes.

If they had been presents that HE had bought and paid for, or made with hours of love, and wrapped, and set up for the people he loves... BUT, it's very likely that someone like this guy has never really loved or cared for anyone but himself. Hence, the complete inability to understand why it actually matters to someone else, that he wreaked havoc on someone's Christmas gifts.

Someday, someone is totally gonna wail on his ass. And when it happens... he STILL won't have a clue as to what he did to cause it, and will STILL try to insist that it's the "other person" who's to blame.:rolleyes:

Makes you wonder how the hell they passed kindergarten, because you KNOW they failed on every social skill listed on the report cards.

[Alan Lynch]

Well that's the thing: he is capable of wonderful things. He dropped everything to come home and care for his gran until she died earlier this year - this included last Christmas. And grim as it was, I couldn't help thinking "what if someone had stolen her gifts?" For all he knew that's exactly what he was doing.

I do suspect I'll be getting drunk tonight. Talking about it like this helps, but sure is making me angry and depressed.

[Solaris]

Well that's the thing: he is capable of wonderful things. He dropped everything to come home and care for his gran until she died earlier this year - this included last Christmas. And grim as it was, I couldn't help thinking "what if someone had stolen her gifts?" For all he knew that's exactly what he was doing.

I do suspect I'll be getting drunk tonight. Talking about it like this helps, but sure is making me angry and depressed.


ARGH! Must put out anger/depression fire!!!

:)

Seriously, on the bright side, you've gotten to see some really good stuff in people---like those two girls, for instance. So try focusing on that, and see if it helps you feel alittle better.

[Charles RB]

Spot on, or near as dammit. His attitude was that I'd find it funny if it hadn't been my brother's presents they did it to.

He thinks you'd find it funny if you saw people damaging a complete stranger's Christmas parents?

What a git.

[king mob]

Well that's the thing: he is capable of wonderful things. He dropped everything to come home and care for his gran until she died earlier this year - this included last Christmas. And grim as it was, I couldn't help thinking "what if someone had stolen her gifts?" For all he knew that's exactly what he was doing.

I do suspect I'll be getting drunk tonight. Talking about it like this helps, but sure is making me angry and depressed.


It's probably not an idea to get so wound up you end up chinning the twat.

[Spike-X]

I do suspect I'll be getting drunk tonight. Talking about it like this helps, but sure is making me angry and depressed.

Is that really something you wanna be drinking on?

[Alan Lynch]

Is that really something you wanna be drinking on?
It turned out fine. Went down to a friend's house and watched Home Alone 2 with some beers. Incidentally, that kid should be up for attempted murder. Holy crap.

And thanks again for the well wishes guys; means a lot.