The Worst Comic I have ever read!

[Briareos]

I'm torn I'm going to have to go with Tarot Witch of the Black Rose by Jim Ballent. He was a mediocre artist who turned out to be a far far far oh god far worse writer. I also never ever ever want to see the word "witchy" ever again. A book like this makes me ashamed to be a comic book reader.

A close second for the vertigo mini Battleaxes. Which reads like some sort of wierd feminist fantasy gone horribly wrong that loses out on the top spot due to one character who I wish the story had really been about (the normal character out of all the main female characters). And lets not forget the horrible cul de sac subplot of "Hey maybe that horrible lovecraftian monster is a victim too!"

special award goes to Brian K. Vaughn on whenever he decides to shoehorn his own political views or his pet ideas (the stupid burning off the breast thing in y the last man for example have you ever heard of female archers complaining their breasts get in their way?) into his stories.

[MacQuarrie]

special award goes to Brian K. Vaughn on whenever he decides to shoehorn his own political views or his pet ideas (the stupid burning off the breast thing in y the last man for example have you ever heard of female archers complaining their breasts get in their way?) into his stories.
Actually I have. A lot of female archers wear a chest protector. So do a lot of men. It looks like this:

http://www.me.berkeley.edu/faculty/lieu/dlieu/images/archery_burnaby.jpg

The "burning off the breast" thing is ancient mythology, so you can't really blame Vaughn for that. It goes back a few centuries at least, bu tI doubt it ever really happened.

[Sabrinaset]

If it was written by Austen or Meltzer, or drawn by Liefeld, then it's the worst comic I have ever read!

[Karen El]

It's all down to an inaccurate translation. My friend Mari gets really annoyed about it, so I've heard all the details. For the short version, see the Wiki entry on Amazons.

I'd give Y a pass on the basis that the Amazons there are a cult, and it makes a kind of sense that they would use this as an indoctrination technique, even if those in charge knew it was historically bogus.

[BnL]

special award goes to Brian K. Vaughn on whenever he decides to shoehorn his own political views or his pet ideas (the stupid burning off the breast thing in y the last man for example have you ever heard of female archers complaining their breasts get in their way?) into his stories.

I haven't read the story, so I don't know the context, but....how is that political?

[Lunar Daydreamer]

I set fire to the first issue of Spider-Man Chapter One. Only comic that's been so awful i've been motivated to Byrne it.

[ninjapeps]

special award goes to Brian K. Vaughn on whenever he decides to shoehorn his own political views or his pet ideas (the stupid burning off the breast thing in y the last man for example have you ever heard of female archers complaining their breasts get in their way?) into his stories.

Y features representations of different branches of feminism. You're pissed because one of the whack job branches was depicted as such? This was the first time I'd seen a fairly realistic look at what the world could be like if all the males just suddenly died.

[Jack Zodiac]

I set fire to the first issue of Spider-Man Chapter One. Only comic that's been so awful i've been motivated to Byrne it.

Clever joke of Freudian slip? :p

It'd be hard for me to peg down the worst comic I've ever read. There's a whole lot of shit coming out these days, and I'm sure that title bounces around week-to-week.

[Charles RB]

special award goes to Brian K. Vaughn on whenever he decides to shoehorn his own political views or his pet ideas (the stupid burning off the breast thing in y the last man for example have you ever heard of female archers complaining their breasts get in their way?) into his stories.

...please tell me you are joking. Please tell me you are joking that you are pissed off and find it stupid that a militaristic cult practises self-mutilation, one harkening back to the myth said cult is based on.

Also, three of Vaughan's comics are one about a Mayor of New York, the socio-political ramifications of every man bar one dying at once, and escaped zoo animals in occupied Bahgdad. Amazingly, stories like that will have the writer's political views in them.

[KevinTBrown]

I'm torn I'm going to have to go with Tarot Witch of the Black Rose by Jim Ballent. He was a mediocre artist who turned out to be a far far far oh god far worse writer. I also never ever ever want to see the word "witchy" ever again. A book like this makes me ashamed to be a comic book reader.

A close second for the vertigo mini Battleaxes. Which reads like some sort of wierd feminist fantasy gone horribly wrong that loses out on the top spot due to one character who I wish the story had really been about (the normal character out of all the main female characters). And lets not forget the horrible cul de sac subplot of "Hey maybe that horrible lovecraftian monster is a victim too!"

special award goes to Brian K. Vaughn on whenever he decides to shoehorn his own political views or his pet ideas (the stupid burning off the breast thing in y the last man for example have you ever heard of female archers complaining their breasts get in their way?) into his stories.

Do NOT turn this into another political argument thread, Briareos. If you want to talk politics, go to the mega thread to do so.

So stop it. NOW.

[Karen El]

I'd also say that Tarot is far from the worst comic out there. You may not like it, but it does what it says on the tin. It's a cheesecake comic about witches that draws on enough wiccan background that wiccans like it. It entirely succeeds in what it sets out to do.

Comics that aim high and don't quite succeed, I'd give kudos for effort. Comics that aim for nothing special and are unreadable for one reason or another are contenders, but it takes something special to achieve that coveted "worst" crown.

[NickThompson]

Quite a few of you quite clearly haven't read the Doom comic ;)

[Charles RB]

I keep blotting it from my mind.

[Joshua Pantalleresco]

Any of the ninja turtle ripoffs.

Nothing like Adolescent Radioactive Jujitsu Gerbils.

(And yes, that comic really exists)

JP

[Paradox]

I suggest that if those are the worst comics you've read...that you haven't read enough comics.

[Linkara]

If it was written by Austen or Meltzer, or drawn by Liefeld, then it's the worst comic I have ever read!

Actually I do have to disagree about Austen and Meltzer for two examples:

-Austen had several issues of Exiles that were really quite good. Admittedly, the arc where he crosses over with his godawful Uncanny X-Men was just terrible, but introducing the villainous Hyperion as well as a two-issue stint where instead of following the Timebroker's orders they decide to help people. The group confronts the villain Moses Magnum and there's this exchange of dialogue:
"Ah, I see. You weren't asking for my help. Rather, you were threatening me with some misguided declaration of heroism."
Morph's response:
http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s102/Linkara/Assorted/CaptainMisguidedDeclarationofHerois.jpg

-While Identity Crisis and the first 12 issues of Justice League were terrible, Meltzer actually did a pretty good job of his brief stint on Green Arrow.

As for worst comic ever... well, check the link in my profile. ^_~ 'Nuff said.

[Night Swordsman]

All things Spawn. From the creator to the character to the horrible movie. And the worst part is two-fold: The good creators working on the books from time to time,and the monies OWED to creators cheated by Todd MacFarlane.

[Hatut Zeraze]

I have read Zwana, Son of Zulu #1. Of the thousands and thousands of comics I've read over the years, this one is clearly the worst.

[Charles RB]

I have read Zwana, Son of Zulu #1.

Is he saying he's the son of an entire ethnic group (now there's a Yo Momma joke waiting to happen...) or was his father actually called Zulu?

[NickThompson]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v325/ReaperFett/sm02.png

[Hatut Zeraze]

Is he saying he's the son of an entire ethnic group (now there's a Yo Momma joke waiting to happen...) or was his father actually called Zulu?

My assumption was that the character was considered the "son" of the entire ethnic group. If I were a Zulu, though, I would disown that son.

Even asking this question assumes there was more coherent thought on the part of the writer than is evidenced in the comic itself.

[Pink Bat Max]

Most of the truly regrettable comics I read were in the 80's self publishing craze. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE and admire self-publishers, but there was an ongoing 'boom' and 99% of EVERYTHING is crap. That made a loooooot of overflowing crap at the time. Anyway, the one that stands out to me was something like Thor Svord: The Sword of Thor. It was obvious that the creators had great love for the mythological figure and genuine enthusiasm.... and I sorely wish that had translated into a good comic, but sadly, it did not. This is what I always think of when I think 'Bad Comic'.

I do wonder..... if the creators had stuck at it, would they have gotten better? I'm guessing 'yes'..... but the self-publishing craze didn't really leave much chance for second tries.

[Gilda Dent]

Street Poet Ray.

Bad art accompanied by "rap haiku" that in no way resembles either rap or haiku.

[The Ray]

As for worst comic ever... well, check the link in my profile. ^_~ 'Nuff said.

I swear to fucking god I'm going to find you an artist to do Lightbringer for you. One of these days!

[PatrickG]

For me, it would probably be something so mediocre I'd forgotten it.

I can remember plenty of comics that were "offensively bad" but those usually circle around the spectrum so far that they start engaging me as a reader again.

[PatrickG]

Though if I had to pick, I'd probably peg somewhere in DeFalco's FF run as being the low point.

He wrote a few entertaining stories (keep in mind, I loved Justice League Task Force) and I actually liked FANTASTIC FORCE (the adult Franklin Richards' team; I was always waiting for him to meet Phoenix though, which I don't recall happening).

But DeFalco's dialogue was very weak even by DeFlaco standards for the first half of his FF run, particularly when dealing with the Sue Richards/Malice stuff.

That really fell flat for me not only because the cheesecake of the costume was so blatantly out of character that somebody should have said something...

... But because the idea of Paul Ryan doing cheesecake is pretty absurd. It's like Dan Jurgens or Jerry Ordway doing cheesecake.

... and because the dialogue was so hammy.

I remember the sequence where Sue confronts Reed about her costume, wanting him to challenge her about it. He doesn't. She blurts out something like, "Maybe I should go dance naked in the window at Macy's!" And there's this ominous shot of Franklin Richards, seething with dark power as the narrator explains everything.

Later, after Reed "dies", Sue holds a meeting with the FF Plaza tennants to chew them out for no good reason. She then makes their clothes invisible to shut them up. And this guy who looks vaguely like J-Bolt sticks around to say that he LIKES his clothes getting turned invisible, he likes Sue's costume and that he'd like a private meeting with her later. End of scene.

Always bugged the heck out of me. The inference is that maybe she banged a random mullet guy.

Speaking of mullet guys, see Lois Lane's ex-boyfriend Jeb Friedman, who was supposed to be a rival to Superman (who sported his own mullet to win Lois back?).

And all-time worst, Supergirl's secret husband Salkor.

http://fortressofortitude.wordpress.com/2006/03/23/love-supergirl-style/

http://www.supermanica.info/wiki/index.php/Salkor

Note that the panel where Kara indicates that she wants Brainiac 5 to pursue her is presumably after her marriage to Salkoe and after she regained memories of the marriage.

If they'd wanted to reveal she wasn't a virgin or that she'd had a brief marriage, I don't get why Brainy wouldn't have been a better choice since Levitz's Legion and Moore's WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE MAN OF TOMORROW...? at the time seemed to imply that they'd had a pretty intense relationship, the full extent of which was a secret to Superman and much of the Legion.

The error was compounded by giving her a husband she'd ABANDONED even after regaining her memories. Might have been easier to stomach if he'd died or something.

As it stood, she knew she was married and left the guy clueless as to where she was.

[JKCarrier]

I have read Zwana, Son of Zulu #1. Of the thousands and thousands of comics I've read over the years, this one is clearly the worst.

That was exactly the book that came to mind when I saw this thread. I'm surprised anyone else remembers it (I only picked it up because a buddy of mine did the lettering. And, in fact, the lettering is the best thing about it. :p ).

[CutterMike]

If those are the worst that you can come up with then, clearly, you never read Tod Holton: SUPER GREEN BERET (http://www.thoughtviper.com/inexob/holton/th1.html)!

A horrid memory from the days of my youth...

[Bob Violence]

JLA: Act of God was pretty heinous. The story was ridiculously contrived, every hero was acting way out of character, the art was unsightly and I bought it because I couldn't believe how bad it was. I figured it would all be redeemed by a decent ending. I was so wrong...

[colleen]

Most of the truly regrettable comics I read were in the 80's self publishing craze. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE and admire self-publishers, but there was an ongoing 'boom' and 99% of EVERYTHING is crap. That made a loooooot of overflowing crap at the time. Anyway, the one that stands out to me was something like Thor Svord: The Sword of Thor. It was obvious that the creators had great love for the mythological figure and genuine enthusiasm.... and I sorely wish that had translated into a good comic, but sadly, it did not. This is what I always think of when I think 'Bad Comic'.

I do wonder..... if the creators had stuck at it, would they have gotten better? I'm guessing 'yes'..... but the self-publishing craze didn't really leave much chance for second tries.


I couldn't agree more.

Those of us who started the whole mess used to refer to them as Random Acts of Self Publishing.




c

[Briareos]

I haven't read the story, so I don't know the context, but....how is that political?

That falls under the pet ideas part then the political part.

[Cam63]

Do NOT turn this into another political argument thread, Briareos. If you want to talk politics, go to the mega thread to do so.

So stop it. NOW.

He's over excited because it's only so many sleeps until your next Federal election.

[Briareos]

Y features representations of different branches of feminism. You're pissed because one of the whack job branches was depicted as such? This was the first time I'd seen a fairly realistic look at what the world could be like if all the males just suddenly died.

Y was ok in parts when it dealt with the main plot. When it got off on side tangents (the stupid wives of republican congressman scene for example) it's obvious he's just trying to make a point and shoehorn it into the story no matter what (the same goes with the dumb quote that the solider makes after he kills the lions in that Iraq GN i'm blanking on the name of. When I read something that makes me think "This isn't a person speaking this is a writter writing" the writer has failed. I hated it when Michael Cricton had that mathmatician character in Jurassic Park stop the story just so Cricton could give a speech.

[Briareos]

Eh Ex machina isn't bad that book is obviously suppose to be a political.

Also just to be bipartisan for you all. That true stories from soldiers in iraq GN that marvel published that cause a bit of grumbling because it was written by someone from a conservative think tank had way too many scenes of characters explaining to each other how weapons work and military tactics that they should have already known (i mean do you explain to the guy firing the cannon how much range it has?).

[Alan Lynch]

Quite a few of you quite clearly haven't read the Doom comic ;)
It's hilariously crap though.

And here's the whole thing! (http://www.doomworld.com/10years/doomcomic/)

[Charles RB]

When it got off on side tangents (the stupid wives of republican congressman scene for example) it's obvious he's just trying to make a point

A post-apocalypse story showing violent conflict over who gets to lead?

Shocking.

[NickThompson]

It's hilariously crap though.

And here's the whole thing! (http://www.doomworld.com/10years/doomcomic/)
So true :D

[CutterMike]

It's hilariously crap though.

And here's the whole thing! (http://www.doomworld.com/10years/doomcomic/)

They don't quite make it, but, MAN ...are those artists trying to channel Neal Adams!

Are we absolutely certain that the art wasn't something that his studio tossed off in a day for some quick cash from ID and didn't want their real names on...?

[Grazzt]

A post-apocalypse story showing violent conflict over who gets to lead?

Shocking.

I think the funny thing about that scene wasn't the fact that it was Republican wives trying to stage a coup. It was that they were trying to be this Republican stereotype (all guns and badassedness) and that they were failing miserably. It's been a while since I read it, but hadn't most of them never actually fired a gun before? And then one of the guns goes off accidentally?

[Karl J Barnes]

It's hilariously crap though.

And here's the whole thing! (http://www.doomworld.com/10years/doomcomic/)

I read the first page. He,{the writer), actually lifted Frank Miller's narration from the Dark Knight Returns series and is that Marine guy actually drooling in that shot? I didn't read anymore as I have better things to do with my life,like watching the grass grow in winter.

[PatrickG]

Oh my god.

"Who's a man and a half? I'm a man and a half! Berserker packin' man and a half!"

"Might makes light! And I feel mighty!"

The Army of Darkness quotes are a bit shameless too.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

I know a guy who thinks the "Rip & Tear" line was lifted from SCTV, as well.

[Flying Saucers Over Oz]

POWER PACK 56-62.

Terrible idea, terribly executed. I mean, you can barely even figure out what's going on in the stories...

[Linkara]

I swear to fucking god I'm going to find you an artist to do Lightbringer for you. One of these days!

D'aww shucks! ^_^

Actually I was referring to Atop the Fourth Wall. As mentioned before, the Indy/Self-publishing phase of the 1980s produced some rather horrible comics. Ever hear of Sultry Teenage Super-Foxes? I wish I hadn't.

[Pink Bat Max]

Actually I have. A lot of female archers wear a chest protector. So do a lot of men. It looks like this:

http://www.me.berkeley.edu/faculty/lieu/dlieu/images/archery_burnaby.jpg

The "burning off the breast" thing is ancient mythology, so you can't really blame Vaughn for that. It goes back a few centuries at least, bu tI doubt it ever really happened.

Les Feinberg has an interesting theory about that ritual, rather than strictly about archery, symbolically representing the Amazons 'putting one foot in the world of men' by ritually altering their body.
Make of that what you will.

[Cam63]

I've read stories how some female archers had a breast removed, but just took it to be a myth.

[Jack Zodiac]

Kinda like the goofy myth about assassins needing to remove one of their fingers to hide blades in their sleeves. Sounds crazy and badass on paper, but in practice it's stupid and unnecessary.