RITA's XLVIII: Some Fun Now

[Winslow]

I have a shit-load of discovery that has to go out by tomorrow. I hate civil discovery. This is why I do mostly criminal work.

Welcome to my world. Take this job and shove it.

I'm becoming a teacher.

Dude, I *so* do not sound like that.

I thought you sounded like this guy:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/WinslowSolomon/dirtyharrystor.jpg

He means with the dentures in, Dread.

Clint Eastwood mumbling style

"do ya pheeell lucky punkf .. . ."

[Winslow]

Coworker left my boss a passive-aggressive voice mail today trying to lay more blame at my feet. It's really awesome. So I share in Matt's rage.

Eat Burritos for lunch, and then go rip a really nasty fart in his office.

[Slam_Bradley]

Welcome to my world. Take this job and shove it.

I'm becoming a teacher.




I've been giving the idea some consideration.

I'm just not sure I can take the pay cut.

[jessecuster3]

Eat Burritos for lunch, and then go rip a really nasty fart in his office.

I love the way you think.



I really did laugh out loud at that.

[Winslow]

Several months ago, I got my french horn tuned (after years of it collecting dust) and have been playing a lot since then. Maybe a couple months ago, I found & eventually joined a group of local musicians.

It's been fun.

That's cool. My high school crush played French Horn.

I won't develop a creepy middle aged fascination with you, I promise.

[Jared_Humpherys]

I will not make the joke, I will not make the joke, I will not make the joke...

Ha! Good one.

[Matt Algren]

I am getting a little sick of Beethoven's Ode To Joy, Algren knows why.Har. The best part is that they don't actually sing the words. My favorite is when you clear all the pegs. My highest adventure score right now is 17k and change.

(Also, right click and fast forward as soon as you hit the bucket.)

Coworker left my boss a passive-aggressive voice mail today trying to lay more blame at my feet. It's really awesome. So I share in Matt's rage.Okay, srsly, you must post the email from yesterday.

[i_mmmchocolate]

I had no idea you played an instrument.
I feel like I mentioned before-- maybe prior to the big server crash a few years ago.

I've been playing flute & french horn since 3rd grade. From 2000 to 2004, I very rarely played. Then I got the bug again.

I will not make the joke, I will not make the joke, I will not make the joke...
Attaboy.

[Matt Algren]

Welcome to my world. Take this job and shove it.

I'm becoming a teacher.Take This Job And Shove It Following The Customary Two-Week Notification Period
(http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34072)

[jessecuster3]

Har. The best part is that they don't actually sing the words. My favorite is when you clear all the pegs. My highest adventure score right now is 17k and change.

(Also, right click and fast forward as soon as you hit the bucket.)



I am stuck on one of the 400K ones.

[Jeff Brady]

I've been playing flute & french horn since 3rd grade.

Now we really want to make the joke.

[Winslow]

I've been giving the idea some consideration.

I'm just not sure I can take the pay cut.

Yeah, teacher pay out west is really bad.

It's low here, but not that low.

I love the way you think.



I really did laugh out loud at that.

My humor has no class.

And I have farted in people's offices. TAKE THAT!

Take This Job And Shove It Following The Customary Two-Week Notification Period
(http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34072)

It's hard to slam a door for 2 weeks.

[howyadoin]

Even tempered? Huh?

Why not a simple "I met the deadline. You're my friend, not my boss. You don't get to give me performance reviews. Please remember that."Your answer is a lot more even-tempered than what I would've said.

We have a performance tonight. Best to tamp out the fire instead of tossing another log on.I disagree. Your hate will keep you warm at night.

Kill him when he's sleeping.Your mind is a wonderful thing.

Several months ago, I got my french horn tuned (after years of it collecting dust)...May I just say, "Woohoo!"

[Typo Lad]

Your answer is a lot more even-tempered than what I would've said.

I assumed he wanted to keep the friendship.

[howyadoin]

Take This Job And Shove It Following The Customary Two-Week Notification Period
(http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34072)"11 business days"?

[Slam_Bradley]

Now we really want to make the joke.

She just keeps lobbing them in there.

[Ray R.]

Although some of the the 'fat calling' is a bit mean-spirited, I must admit that whoever came up with the line 'I Know What You Ate Last Summer" is a genius.

Okay, that made me laugh.

[jessecuster3]

My humor has no class.

And I have farted in people's offices. TAKE THAT!


I had a girl demand to go home or send me home, because I farted so bad.

[howyadoin]

I assumed he wanted to keep the friendship.Ah, there's the difference. To me it doesn't look like a friendship worth keeping.

[Tadhg]

Okay, srsly, you must post the email from yesterday.

Okay, but the problem is, no one will get why it's so funny. This is what he wrote, formatting included.

2 of the computers
were left as OS9. The only software on
them was Apple Works. I Installed from
the image and add the to permissions
so the programs would show in the dock.
The teacher computer had AR 6.31 and
wouldn't work. I deleted all AR from the
computer and reinstalled it from another
computer (the new version was not put
on the server when the school was changed
over) I put the folders on the server.
The teacher computer kept showing Muessel
School. I did everything but format the
teachers computer. Another 4 hours on
a 15 minute job.

To explain it, yes 2 computers were left OS9. That was done on purpose because of software some classes use. The teacher computer had an old version of the software because he loaded the teacher computers in that building. The new version wasn't put on the server because it isn't needed, everyone was given installer software that will install it on a computer for you. The teacher computer kept showing the wrong school because he loaded it incorrectly when he did the building and didn't know how to correct his mistake. All told, even if I were the one to have screwed up the computer initially, the job shouldn't have taken 4 hours. He was trying to take a dig at me, implying that I screwed things up and it took him forever to fix, but in the end it just makes him look even more incompetent. And illiterate.

[howyadoin]

I had a girl demand to go home or send me home, because I farted so bad.I hope you managed to take advantage of that.

[Slam_Bradley]

I had a girl demand to go home or send me home, because I farted so bad.

She obviously wasn't a keeper.

[Ray R.]

I've been giving the idea some consideration.

I'm just not sure I can take the pay cut.

Me too. There must be something in the water.

[Winslow]

I had a girl demand to go home or send me home, because I farted so bad.

Now that's hilarious. Gave me a nice belly laugh.

And I'm by myself because I'm not out eating a nice meal on the company's time and dollar . . . I showed them dammit!

[jessecuster3]

I hope you managed to take advantage of that.

Naah, she wasn't very attractive.

[Winslow]

Ah, there's the difference. To me it doesn't look like a friendship worth keeping.


One of the disadvantages of being a Christian is you have to put up with your fellow brethren's shit from time to time.

[Ray R.]

Naah, she wasn't very attractive.

So much for the possibility of a dutch oven.

[howyadoin]

She obviously wasn't a keeper.It reminded me of the old "I'll have to lay you or Jack off" joke.

Naah, she wasn't very attractive.I meant take advantage of the situation, not the woman.

Hence my use of the word "that", as opposed to "her".

[howyadoin]

One of the disadvantages of being a Christian is you have to put up with your fellow brethren's shit from time to time.Which Commandment is that?

[Tadhg]

Hence my use of the word 'that", as opposed to "her".

I just figured to objectified women to the point where they became inanimate objects.

[jessecuster3]

Hence my use of the word "that", as opposed to "her".

You mean there is a difference?

[Slam_Bradley]

Me too. There must be something in the water.


It's called: It sucks being in the legal profession.

[Ray R.]

So I watched Battlestar Galactica: Razor last night.



Hmmm, long way to go for a major if cryptic plot point involving Starbuck. I liked the story within a story concerning the Pegasus. You can tell the producers are doing a good job to get both the regular stars and previous guest stars to come back and cover a lot of the same material. The minisodes with Adama in his first pilot action were pretty good, too. Whoever did him, had the Edward James Olmos voice pretty well down pat. Must have been fun writing Kain as a butch dyke lesbian with Caprica 6 playing bottom. Man, she gets around.

[Jeff Brady]

You mean there is a difference?

He meant, did you go home?

[Jared_Humpherys]

You mean there is a difference?

I think he was asking if you took advantage of the situation by going home from work early.

Edit: God damn it Jeff.

[Winslow]

Which Commandment is that?

It's part of that "turn the other cheek" stuff . . but basically you're in covenant relationship with the others in your church. Meaning it's your duty to confront them if they act like a jerk, but in a humble way.

You can't throw them in the ignore bin (that WOULD be nice).

[Ray R.]

It's called: It sucks being in the legal profession.

Yes. Yes, it does. I'm almost to the point of counting the days until I get out like My Name Is Earl.

[Winslow]

So I watched Battlestar Galactica: Razor last night.

I hate you.

[howyadoin]

He meant, did you go home?If I'd known it would take this long for someone to get it, I'd never have made the comment.

[jessecuster3]

He meant, did you go home?

I think he was asking if you took advantage of the situation by going home from work early.

Edit: God damn it Jeff.

I know what he meant, I was making a joke. Man, you two are sunfuckers.

[jessecuster3]

For what its worth, neither of us were allowed to go home.

[howyadoin]

It's part of that "turn the other cheek" stuff . . but basically you're in covenant relationship with the others in your church. Meaning it's your duty to confront them if they act like a jerk, but in a humble way.

You can't throw them in the ignore bin (that WOULD be nice).Isn't it also their duty to not be an asshole in the first place?

[Winslow]

I know what he meant, I was making a joke. Man, you two are sunfuckers.

Ra is hot.

[Winslow]

Isn't it also their duty to not be an asshole in the first place?

We all have our bad days.

and fuck you.

[Ray R.]

I hate you.

It's out on DVD, bud. Since it's all Season 2, story-within-a-story dealing with Battlestar Pegasus, I think you can feel comfortable watching it. They have a couple of tease trailers and commentary for Season 4 in it, which you might want to consciously avoid. (Which they say are coming out in 2008, BTW.)

[howyadoin]

We all have our bad days.

and fuck you.I like "an eye for an eye" better.

[Ray R.]

If I'd known it would take this long for someone to get it, I'd never have made the comment.

This all seems like familiar territory for some reason. My frustration seems to have spread....

[howyadoin]

Which they say are coming out in 2008, BTW.Don't even get me started.

[Winslow]

It's out on DVD, bud. Since it's all Season 2, story-within-a-story dealing with Battlestar Pegasus, I think you can feel comfortable watching it. They have a couple of tease trailers and commentary for Season 4 in it, which you might want to consciously avoid. (Which they say are coming out in 2008, BTW.)

oh OK. I thought it was more of Season 3.

I'll probably order it when Season 3 finally comes out.

Thanks

[Winslow]

I like "an eye for an eye" better.

In covert back to Old Covenant on special occasions.

(kidding Typo)

[howyadoin]

I love this "mot asber" thing.

I hate this "posting on my Mom's Dell laptop" thing."

[Mac Danny]

I love this "mot asber" thing.

I hate this "posting on my Mom's Dell laptop" thing."

Dude, Use a Chair! Can't spend all day sitting on your mom's lap top! What if she has to get up to pee?

[Ray R.]

Don't even get me started.

I thought the first ten episodes of season 4 were already in the can. The finale of Season 3 was in March 2007, why take a year just to pick the story up again?

I'm a fan, but more of a casual one than a die-hard one. I guess they don't care if they've marginalized all the casual ones who probably moved on to other things by now.....if they didn't rerun the whole third season, I probably would have missed it all......

[Agent Helix]

I've almost gotten myself caught up with The Wire now, I'm about a third of the way through season 4. Absolutely brilliant television, start to finish.

[howyadoin]

I thought the first ten episodes of season 4 were already in the can. The finale of Season 3 was in March 2007, why take a year just to pick the story up again?Beats the fuck outta me. I'm sure they'll point to the writers' strike as an excuse, but it sounds like a pretty weak one, if you ask me.

[Typo Lad]

Oh dear G-d. Season 2 of Monk has a Randy Newman theme?

MAKE IT STOP!

[Ray R.]

Beats the fuck outta me. I'm sure they'll point to the writers' strike as an excuse, but it sounds like a pretty weak one, if you ask me.

The writers' strike has only been going on for the last six weeks. That's a pisspoor excuse, indeed.

[howyadoin]

Oh dear G-d. Season 2 of Monk has a Randy Newman theme?

MAKE IT STOP!Still mad about "Short People"?

The writers' strike has only been going on for the last six weeks. That's a pisspoor excuse, indeed.Exactly what I'm sayin'.

[Alex]

Me and lauren got yelled at outside the planned parenthood today by protestors.
Fucking assholes, we yelled "NOT PREGNANT" 3 times, but they kept going...lauren couldn't get a doctors oppointment and needed birthcontrol so we don't make babies. She's fucking against abortion herself! We were just picking up pills.
Then, when driving out, i noticed big ass pictures of the virgin mary, and realized
"Oh, catholics, they don't like birth control"
Fucking pricks, pissed me off all morning. This was worse then the time the war protestors blocked the road into my work, because at least then i couldn't hear them.
Fucking protestors.

[Tadhg]

Oh dear G-d. Season 2 of Monk has a Randy Newman theme?

MAKE IT STOP!

Sorry, it doesn't.

[howyadoin]

"Oh, catholics, they don't like birth control"That's probably why the priests prefer little boys.

[Ray R.]

I've almost gotten myself caught up with The Wire now, I'm about a third of the way through season 4. Absolutely brilliant television, start to finish.

I'm going to push myself to pick this up. Yours is just the latest in a long line of people I respect who've recommended this.

[Mac Danny]

Oh dear G-d. Season 2 of Monk has a Randy Newman theme?

MAKE IT STOP!

Randy Newman, America's Theme (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmH4KfV_A-E)

[Alex]

That's probably why the priests prefer little boys.

I wish i wasn't so angry, i would have yelled something about that.

[Typo Lad]

Still mad about "Short People"?

His voice makes me want to hurt people.

[Agent Helix]

I'm going to push myself to pick this up. Yours is just the latest in a long line of people I respect who've recommended this.

It takes a few episodes to really get going, but once it does, it's amazing. I love that every season adds a new layer to the series' look at Baltimore, expanding the scope bit by bit until it becomes so much more than a show about cops and dealers.

[Ray R.]

Fucking protestors.

Come to Washington, D.C. Nothing turns me off a cause more than some shmucks fucking everyone's commutes, trips home to see family, ability to get through town, etc., because they either don't get a permit and just block traffic or they do get a permit and can't stay on the goddamned mall.

I hear you, asshole. Now get out of my way so I can earn a paycheck and pay taxes to support your court-appointed attorney for when you get arrested on purpose. When you get back to your Ivy League college that mommy and daddy are paying for, feeling smug and self-satisfied, I hope you'll remember those of us you inconvenienced for two hours so you could make no difference whatsoever besides hitting on chicks and shouting, but somehow I doubt it.

[Alex]

I kinda liked the show weeds, then on season 3, they got randy newman to do that opening song.
I wanted to punch the tv.

[Slam_Bradley]

I'm going to push myself to pick this up. Yours is just the latest in a long line of people I respect who've recommended this.


I've only watched the first season of The Wire. But it was fantastic.

[Alex]

I hear you, asshole. Now get out of my way so I can earn a paycheck and pay taxes to support your court-appointed attorney for when you get arrested on purpose. When you get back to your Ivy League college that mommy and daddy are paying for, feeling smug and self-satisfied, I hope you'll remember those of us you inconvenienced for two hours so you could make no difference whatsoever besides hitting on chicks and shouting, but somehow I doubt it.
...
Fucking A.

[Typo Lad]

Me and lauren got yelled at outside the planned parenthood today by protestors.
Fucking assholes, we yelled "NOT PREGNANT" 3 times, but they kept going...lauren couldn't get a doctors oppointment and needed birthcontrol so we don't make babies. She's fucking against abortion herself! We were just picking up pills.

So in the eyes of the catholics, you were aborting.

What's wrong with trojans, sir?

[Alex]

On a totaly different note.
VH1 seems to like those "I love such and such" shows. Why don't they just bring back that pop up video show? Same sort of thing, but with music.
Like, men at work or whatever music they play, but still, music.

[Tadhg]

So in the eyes of the catholics, you were aborting.

What's wrong with trojans, sir?

Well the Catholics would still take issue with those.

[howyadoin]

Well the Catholics would still take issue with those.Every sperm is sacred.

[Alex]

So in the eyes of the catholics, you were aborting.

What's wrong with trojans, sir?

They don't feel good.
And i'm not having some douche tell me how to live my life. Yeah, his fucking pamphlet is going to change my mind.
Especialy since it shows a fetus at 6 weeks.

[Ray R.]

Well the Catholics would still take issue with those.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9002085385040727366

[Alex]

Every sperm is sacred.

Don't spill that shit on the ground!

[Alex]

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9002085385040727366
If protestors were like that, life would be so much more awesome.

[Mac Danny]

Well the Catholics would still take issue with those.

Catholics take issue with anything that does not create more Catholics.

Trying to spend your day NOT pissing off a hard core Catholic in some way is like trying to walk and not touch the ground.

I was raised Catholic, I have the scars to prove it!

[Typo Lad]

They don't feel good.

What about the sponge thingies?

There's like, a buncha options that don't involve you running the gauntlet.

And i'm not having some douche tell me how to live my life. Yeah, his fucking pamphlet is going to change my mind.
Especialy since it shows a fetus at 6 weeks.

"Oh don't worry sir, we're not going to let it go that long untreated."

[howyadoin]

Catholics take issue with anything that does not create more Catholics.C'mon, that's an exaggeration.



Aiding and abetting child-molesters doesn't create more Catholics, and the Nazi Pope has no problem with that.

[Alex]

What about the sponge thingies?

There's like, a buncha options that don't involve you running the gauntlet.




You can't just stop and restart the pill, it mucks up with the hormones and such.
Miss two days and you have to wait 2 weeks, and it can cause side effects.
Ones that ruin lives.

[Alex]

Aiding and abetting child-molesters doesn't create more Catholics, and the Nazi Pope has no problem with it.

Sure it does.
Cover ups keep bad press away.

[Typo Lad]

Ah. I see now.

Wait, she's doing it with you. Isn't her life as ruined as it can get?

[Ray R.]

There's like, a buncha options that don't involve you running the gauntlet.


He shouldn't have to run a gauntlet in the first place. That's his point.

[howyadoin]

Wait, she's doing it with you. Isn't her life as ruined as it can get?Hah! Nice.

[Alex]

Ah. I see now.

Wait, she's doing it with you. Isn't her life as ruined as it can get?

I keep her self esteem down so she doesn't know any better.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Sarah and I went into a Planned Parenthood to get some birth control once. One of the protestors, some old %^&*er, yelled out that Sarah was a whore.

Sarah kept me from doing anything, but I was shaking with rage for about a half hour afterwards.

$%^& those judgmental #$%^s. Lower than scum, the lot of them.

[jessecuster3]

I've only watched the first season of The Wire. But it was fantastic.

I loved the first season and was kinda blah on the second season, I haven't gone back since.

[Typo Lad]

Sarah and I went into a Planned Parenthood to get some birth control once. One of the protestors, some old %^&*er, yelled out that Sarah was a whore.

Sarah kept me from doing anything, but I was shaking with rage for about a half hour afterwards.

$%^& those judgmental #$%^s. Lower than scum, the lot of them.
Your response should have been "Hey, you can't talk that way to my property!"

[jessecuster3]

I don't get why you are going to Planned Parenthood for birth control pills?

[Nick Soapdish]

I was recently in an office that actually had some of those corny motivational posters. I was shocked. I always assumed they were gags.

I like the ones at Despair.com (http://www.despair.com/viewall.html).

And the calender for The Office that mocks them as well.

[Mac Danny]

Sarah and I went into a Planned Parenthood to get some birth control once. One of the protestors, some old %^&*er, yelled out that Sarah was a whore.

Sarah kept me from doing anything, but I was shaking with rage for about a half hour afterwards.

$%^& those judgmental #$%^s. Lower than scum, the lot of them.

The one time I did go with my wife to one, yeah there were protesters. We ignored them, they're assholes.

Dear Protesters, if you're so against this, why not saddle up and adopt some.

I had this argument win my catholic high school that actually had a CLUB whose job it was to protest abortion clinics and the like.

I merely asked if the Catholic Church wanted to make Adoption a more palatable choice for unwanted pregnancy to simply allow homosexual unions. This way there would be many great loving homes who could not traditionally reproduce who would love the option of adoption.

The answer.. "no"



BTW, "Saddle up or Shut up" is my new saying for people who tell me what to do without helping me do it.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Your response should have been "Hey, you can't talk that way to my property!"

When I get that mad, I can't speak. I turned around, gave him a homicidal look, and tried to step forward. Sarah grabbed my shirt and said something like "Please don't."

I may have come off a bit harsh earlier, but I truely meant it. People who do that sort of thing are subhuman to me. I'm less of a person for thinking that way, but there you have it.

[Jared_Humpherys]

I don't get why you are going to Planned Parenthood for birth control pills?

For a prescription, actually. We didn't have health insurance at the time.

[Puma]

Come to Washington, D.C. Nothing turns me off a cause more than some shmucks fucking everyone's commutes, trips home to see family, ability to get through town, etc., because they either don't get a permit and just block traffic or they do get a permit and can't stay on the goddamned mall.

I hear you, asshole. Now get out of my way so I can earn a paycheck and pay taxes to support your court-appointed attorney for when you get arrested on purpose. When you get back to your Ivy League college that mommy and daddy are paying for, feeling smug and self-satisfied, I hope you'll remember those of us you inconvenienced for two hours so you could make no difference whatsoever besides hitting on chicks and shouting, but somehow I doubt it.

Welcome to Santa Cruz; except along with the various protesting we allow the students to vote in local elections, even though they are transient residents. Hence, we have a socialist city council that has run almost every big tax generating industry out of town.

[Spike-X]

Did you find that Leggo Batcave?

Yes, I did! It's safe and sound in the top of my closet.

[Typo Lad]

When I get that mad, I can't speak. I turned around, gave him a homicidal look, and tried to step forward. Sarah grabbed my shirt and said something like "Please don't."

I may have come off a bit harsh earlier, but I truely meant it. People who do that sort of thing are subhuman to me. I'm less of a person for thinking that way, but there you have it.
All kidding aside Jared, I agree. Check my sig.

[Winslow]

I'm checkin' out early today.

later ya smug, self righteous, no good dirty nerds.





It's good to have friends.

[Slam_Bradley]

Welcome to Santa Cruz; except along with the various protesting we allow the students to vote in local elections, even though they are transient residents. Hence, we have a socialist city council that has run almost every big tax generating industry out of town.


Yep. Only thing worse than letting women vote is letting kids vote.

[Ray R.]

I don't get why you are going to Planned Parenthood for birth control pills?

Why should it matter? That's an inappropriate question. If they're available for people without health insurance or in a tough situation, then they shouldn't have to be castigated, shamed and called "whores" because they take responsibility for their actions.

[Ray R.]

I'm checkin' out early today.

later ya smug, self righteous, no good dirty nerds.





It's good to have friends.

Later, gator.

[HomerJay]

I've seen this before, but I just love it:

Perfect Day for a Woman:
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8:30 Weigh 5 lb.
lighter than yesterday.
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor caf.
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.
1:00 Shopping with friends.
3:00 Nap.
4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist.
Card is from a secret admirer.
4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage.
5:30 Pick outfit for dinner.
Primp before mirror.
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two, followed by dancing.
10:00 Hot shower.
Alone.
10:30 Make love.
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

Perfect Day for a Man:
6:00 Alarm.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.
7:00 Breakfast.
Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
7:30 Limo arrives.
7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
7:50 Blowjob.
8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
8:30 Blowjob.
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
11:45 Lunch.
A dozen buffalo wings.
3 Heinekens.
12:15 Blowjob.
12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
2:15 Limo back to airport.
Drink 2 Bombay martinis and a Blowjob.
2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas.
Nap.
3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
3:45 Blowjob from each member of the crew.
4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin 1249 lbs.
5:00 Jet back home.
En route, get massage & blowjob from naked supermodel.
7:00 Dinner.
Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz.
New York strip steak.
9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
9:15 Blowjob.
10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
11:30 Blowjob.
11:45 Go to bed.
11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart.
Watch the dog leave the room.
11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.

[Ray R.]

Welcome to Santa Cruz; except along with the various protesting we allow the students to vote in local elections, even though they are transient residents. Hence, we have a socialist city council that has run almost every big tax generating industry out of town.

Ugh. No residency requirement required for voting? You'd think that would be a state thing, not left up to a city council.....Back in Connecticut, you had to show proof of residence for one full year before they'd give you a voting card.

[Spike-X]

I followed a link about the Britney Spear's lil sister controversy (shame on me) to a gossip celebrity page and saw pictures of Jennifer Love-Hewitt in a bikini.

What's the controversy? Maybe it's because I'm 45, but she looks hot.

Probably because it's the first time the sad bastards who tend to write the most vitriolic comments about that kind of thing have seen a picture of a woman in a bikini that hasn't been Photoshopped to death.

[Ray R.]

I like the ones at Despair.com (http://www.despair.com/viewall.html).

And the calender for The Office that mocks them as well.

I like this one:

Indifference

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

[Alex]

I don't get why you are going to Planned Parenthood for birth control pills?

When she was between jobs, and didn't have any inshurance, it's where she went because it was free and you didn't need a health plan.
They still had her on record, her new doctor didn't have the presciption through, for some reason.

[Typo Lad]

Probably because it's the first time the sad bastards who tend to write the most vitriolic comments about that kind of thing have seen a picture of a woman in a bikini that hasn't been Photoshopped to death.
This is why Photoshop is the devil.

[Spike-X]

Personally I've always felt that the type of bikini top she's wearing is the least flattering possible, but all celebrities seem to love it.

Oh hell yeah. "No! Don't squish 'em down like...oh, no. You went and did it."

Although some of the the 'fat calling' is a bit mean-spirited, I must admit that whoever came up with the line 'I Know What You Ate Last Summer" is a genius.

That is funny.

The answer, of course, being "food"?

[Alex]

Probably because it's the first time the sad bastards who tend to write the most vitriolic comments about that kind of thing have seen a picture of a woman in a bikini that hasn't been Photoshopped to death.

http://static.flickr.com/91/249934650_9c7d0dc960.jpg
Like that guy?

[Spike-X]

Helping out with something for Church, and they need to go to the printer's. But there's tons of time ...

Blech. Never mind. This is the person who I was talking about wondering if they were watching me on CBR.

Now I have to construct an even tempered email response to the scolding. Oh well.

I reckon two words should pretty much cover it.

[Slam_Bradley]

I like this one:

Indifference

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

The Procrastination one is the story of my life.


Might explain why I'm still only half-way done with the discovery I need to finish.

[JeffreyWKramer]

Why should it matter? That's an inappropriate question. If they're available for people without health insurance or in a tough situation, then they shouldn't have to be castigated, shamed and called "whores" because they take responsibility for their actions.

Well, remember, we are talking about people that follow people that protect pedophiles and/or who frequently end up getting caught spending money on meth and male prostitutes while promoting a Biblical agenda.

So, it's not like we're talking about people with an ounce of perspective or common sense.

[Ray R.]

I reckon two words should pretty much cover it.

Yup. I'd use a lot more words, but would probably echo the same sentiment, repeatedly. And then I'd move on and find a new friend.

[Ray R.]

Well, remember, we are talking about people that follow people that protect pedophiles and/or who frequently end up getting caught spending money on meth and male prostitutes while promoting a Biblical agenda.

So, it's not like we're talking about people with an ounce of perspective or common sense.

I.e., a glass house with every single pane of glass broken. Funny how it works out that way.

I guess if I quit my job and just stood around and harassed people with insults I could beat a quicker path to heaven too.

Ignorance is bliss.

[Chris Nowlin]

Morning all.

[Alex]

I.e., a glass house with every single pane of glass broken. Funny how it works out that way.

I guess if I quit my job and just stood around and harassed people with insults I could beat a quicker path to heaven too.

Ignorance is bliss.

Last year, i saw a guy protesting the war outside starbucks.
He was in one of my classes, never went to class then complaigned about how he was failing.
But he was doing a great job in worthless gestures.
I got this whole rant about how many starbucks this city has too.

[Chris Nowlin]

I like this one:

Indifference

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

That poster is outside my office door. It's got a lazy leopard on it.

I had it hanging crooked from just one pin, but people always straighten it out.

I'd put it back the way it should be, but that seems to contradict the spirit of the idea, so I wait for somebody else to correct it.

[Ray R.]

Last year, i saw a guy protesting the war outside starbucks.
He was in one of my classes, never went to class then complaigned about how he was failing.
But he was doing a great job in worthless gestures.
I got this whole rant about how many starbucks this city has too.

Well, I don't have a problem with the right to assembly and protesting. You're against the war and you want to be heard about it, knock yourself out. But to be willfully and purposefully oblivious of your impact on people who are just trying to do their jobs, trying to get to work or family, and desperately trying not to get fired, and who might otherwise be sympathetic to your cause is just ridiculous to me.

Lost causes and worthless gestures don't bother me. Proselytizing and screwing up other people's day to make a point do.

But, I can't say this enough, those people who step over the line from protest into harassment and cruelty deserve to be kicked repeatedly in the groin for several hours straight. My copy of the Constitution doesn't recognize the right to be a fucking obnoxious asshole. Say what you want, believe what you want, but leave me and the people with me alone.

[Matt Algren]

I've seen this before, but I just love it:

Perfect Day for a Man:
6:00 Alarm.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.
7:00 Breakfast.
Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
7:30 Limo arrives.
7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
7:50 Blowjob.
8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
8:30 Blowjob.
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
11:45 Lunch.
A dozen buffalo wings.
3 Cosmopolitans.
12:15 Blowjob.
12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
2:15 Limo back to airport.
Drink 2 Bombay martinis and a Blowjob.
2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas.
Nap.
3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion.
3:45 Blowjob from each member of the crew.
4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin 1249 lbs.
5:00 Jet back home.
En route, get massage & blowjob from naked Colt model.
7:00 Dinner.
Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz.
New York strip steak.
9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
9:15 Blowjob.
10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
11:30 Underwater blowjob in Jacuzzi.
11:45 Go to bed.
11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart.
Watch the dog leave the room.
11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.The nap isn't long enough. Not enough blowjobs.




And it's easier to throw out friends when they aren't your own.

[Alex]

I really want to see the new batman movie.

[Spike-X]

I really want to see the new batman movie.
Me too! And Iron Man!

[Chris Nowlin]

I was going to go jogging, but it's a little dreary out? Where the hell's the sun?

I'll just wait an hour. I assume it will be a nice day by then.

[Ray R.]

That poster is outside my office door. It's got a lazy leopard on it.

I had it hanging crooked from just one pin, but people always straighten it out.

I'd put it back the way it should be, but that seems to contradict the spirit of the idea, so I wait for somebody else to correct it.

Nice. A self-sustaining sociological experiment. Good work.

[Alex]

Me too! And Iron Man!

I'm kinda ehh on iron man.
Maybe because i've never read an iron man comic.

[Spike-X]

I've never been a huge Iron Man fan, but the movie looks fantastic.

[Ray R.]

And it's easier to throw out friends when they aren't your own.

I just chucked one of thirty years earlier this month. It was a long time coming, and I haven't looked back.

Speak for yourself, pal.

[Alex]

I've never been a huge Iron Man fan, but the movie looks fantastic.

I'm a big nerd for Joker is all.

[Ray R.]

I've never been a huge Iron Man fan, but the movie looks fantastic.

I agree. When is the release date for it? I'm too lazy to google.....

[Agent Helix]

May something-or-other. I think.

[Chris Nowlin]

I guess I could go shopping downtown. Christmas will probably be here before I know it and I have no idea what to get my parents.

[Spike-X]

I agree. When is the release date for it? I'm too lazy to google.....
May, I think.

[Alex]

I do have my reservations of the guy who did Swingers doing Iron Man.
And i love that movie, but i don't watch it and think "Hey, he should do Iron Man"

[jessecuster3]

Why should it matter? That's an inappropriate question. If they're available for people without health insurance or in a tough situation, then they shouldn't have to be castigated, shamed and called "whores" because they take responsibility for their actions.


Oh that's totally not what I meant, I meant that I didn't know they gave them out free. I was under the impression they were only good for abortions, counseling, and condoms.

[Spike-X]

http://riotclitshave.com/2007.12/vishnubyMysteryBobonb3ta.com.jpg

[HomerJay]

I've never been a huge Iron Man fan, but the movie looks fantastic.
Me neither, but everything about it is right.
When THE DARK KNIGHT is finally out, i might have to make it the first midnight showing I've gone to in a long time. I don't remember the last time I've been this excited about a movie.

[Agent Helix]

I do have my reservations of the guy who did Swingers doing Iron Man.
And i love that movie, but i don't watch it and think "Hey, he should do Iron Man"

He also did Zathura, which is a very well made effects-heavy family sci-fi adventure movie.

[Ray R.]

Oh that's totally not what I meant, I meant that I didn't know they gave them out free. I was under the impression they were only good for abortions, counseling, and condoms.

Right. Sorry about the misunderstanding.

[jessecuster3]

I guess I could go shopping downtown. Christmas will probably be here before I know it and I have no idea what to get my parents.

I am getting her father, one of the Transformer Alternators(like the one you got me) that is an actual Honda Civic. He works for Honda and has for years and will probably love it. I am planning on getting her mother the Dark Tower comic series, she is a huge King fan and will love it.


Speaking of which, have they collected that yet?

[K'Nort]

It's part of that "turn the other cheek" stuff . . but basically you're in covenant relationship with the others in your church. Meaning it's your duty to confront them if they act like a jerk, but in a humble way.

You can't throw them in the ignore bin (that WOULD be nice).

But there's a difference between tolerating someone and going to the effort to maintain an actual friendship with them. I'm pretty sure only the former is required


I love this "mot asber" thing.

I hate this "posting on my Mom's Dell laptop" thing."

That will be me next week. Not looking forward to it.

[HomerJay]

I do have my reservations of the guy who did Swingers doing Iron Man.
And i love that movie, but i don't watch it and think "Hey, he should do Iron Man"
His body of work DOES encourage me though. I feel better about a writer/director who's shown he can do witty comedy & drama and then learns how to do action & F/X, rather than a flashy director trying to sell human drama all of a sudden.
Michael Bay, I'm looking in your direction.

[HomerJay]

Speaking of which, have they collected that yet?
It just came out in hardcover.
I aint touching it until I finish the series. I'm on book #5 of 7 right now.

[Slam_Bradley]

When THE DARK KNIGHT is finally out, i might have to make it the first midnight showing I've gone to in a long time. I don't remember the last time I've been this excited about a movie.


I'm having a hard time getting excited about it. Batman Begins didn't really connect with me. I recognize that it's a good film with a number of strong performances, but I just felt...ehh. I saw it once in the theatres. I bought a cheap copy of the dvd but haven't ever gotten around to watching it. It's lost in the house somewhere.

[jessecuster3]

It just came out in hardcover.
I aint touching it until I finish the series. I'm on book #5 of 7 right now.

Oh totally sweet. I have never read any of it, but was getting the floppies of the comic series. I love that its only $25 for that hardcover, too.

[Agent Helix]

I'm having a hard time getting excited about it. Batman Begins didn't really connect with me. I recognize that it's a good film with a number of strong performances, but I just felt...ehh. I saw it once in the theatres. I bought a cheap copy of the dvd but haven't ever gotten around to watching it. It's lost in the house somewhere.

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, but the trailer that was released recently really did a lot to sell me on the sequel. I'm loving how the Joker is being portrayed so far, because it actually makes me laugh.

[Paradox]

Agent Helix recommends:

He also did Zathura, which is a very well made effects-heavy family sci-fi adventure movie.

I enjoyed it the first time, too, when they called it Jumanji. :p

[Agent Helix]

I enjoyed it the first time, too, when they called it Jumanji. :p

Considering the same author wrote both the source books, it's more his fault than Favreau's. And he put together a lot more solid a film than Jumanji was.

[Slam_Bradley]

Considering the same author wrote both the source books, it's more his fault than Favreau's. And he put together a lot more solid a film than Jumanji was.

Agreed. I went into Zathura expecting a Jumangi retread and was surprised that it was a better film.

I'm sure the lack of Robin Williams helped.

[K'Nort]

Agreed. I went into Zathura expecting a Jumangi retread and was surprised that it was a better film.

I'm sure the lack of Robin Williams helped.

That ALWAYS helps.

[Lance]

I'm having a hard time getting excited about it. Batman Begins didn't really connect with me. I recognize that it's a good film with a number of strong performances, but I just felt...ehh. I saw it once in the theatres. I bought a cheap copy of the dvd but haven't ever gotten around to watching it. It's lost in the house somewhere.

Same here.

Katie Holmes was too soft for that movie. There was a scene where she said she was the Gotham City District Attorney .She just fell flat. No edge. She would get eaten alive.

Christian Bale's growl got old kinda fast, too.

[Ray R.]

Considering the same author wrote both the source books, it's more his fault than Favreau's. And he put together a lot more solid a film than Jumanji was.

I agree with that. Zathura was actually a pretty good effort, between the space effects, the giant robot, and the kid acting. I'm much happier Favreau got that under his belt before tackling Iron Man versus coming right off of Elf.

They did cut a hell of a good trailer for Iron Man, which may or may not be indicative of the movie's quality. Completely sold me on the concept, Downey Jr. as Stark, and the sleekness and realistic look of the armor.

[StoneGold]

That ALWAYS helps.

What about in the Aladdin movies? Because the one with Homer Simpson wasn't as good.

[Paradox]

Agent Helix fills me in:

Considering the same author wrote both the source books, it's more his fault than Favreau's. And he put together a lot more solid a film than Jumanji was.

Eh, I'd rate 'em about the same. And I like Robin Williams, so nyah! :p

Didn't know it was the same author. Is that his usual MO? Kids find a game that turns real?

[Ray R.]

What about in the Aladdin movies? Because the one with Homer Simpson wasn't as good.

Like Aladdin, Robin Williams was okay in "Robots", primarily because he was a supporting character only there for comic relief. Let him riff too long or give him a big role and it's usually breathtakingly bad.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Well, I don't have a problem with the right to assembly and protesting. You're against the war and you want to be heard about it, knock yourself out. But to be willfully and purposefully oblivious of your impact on people who are just trying to do their jobs, trying to get to work or family, and desperately trying not to get fired, and who might otherwise be sympathetic to your cause is just ridiculous to me.

Lost causes and worthless gestures don't bother me. Proselytizing and screwing up other people's day to make a point do.

But, I can't say this enough, those people who step over the line from protest into harassment and cruelty deserve to be kicked repeatedly in the groin for several hours straight. My copy of the Constitution doesn't recognize the right to be a fucking obnoxious asshole. Say what you want, believe what you want, but leave me and the people with me alone.


Couldn't have said it better if I tried.

[K'Nort]

What about in the Aladdin movies? Because the one with Homer Simpson wasn't as good.

Only saw the first one.

[StoneGold]

Like Aladdin, Robin Williams was okay in "Robots", primarily because he was a supporting character only there for comic relief. Let him riff too long or give him a big role and it's usually breathtakingly bad.

Good Morning Vietnam?

[Paradox]

Night Listener?

One Hour Photo?

Insomnia?

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Popeye?...

[Ray R.]

Good Morning Vietnam?

I hated it. Bruno Kirby was more enjoyable than Robin Williams. The Vietnam War was more enjoyable than Robin Williams.

If someone gave me a DVD of that flick, I'd wonder what I did to make them so mad at me.

[Slam_Bradley]

Popeye?...

Sure. Bring up his physical infirmities.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Night Listener?

One Hour Photo?

Insomnia?

Quite fond of the latter two. Not a fan of the former.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I hated it. Bruno Kirby was more enjoyable than Robin Williams. The Vietnam War was more enjoyable than Robin Williams.

If someone gave me a DVD of that flick, I'd wonder what I did to make them so mad at me.

Forest Whitaker was good, too.

[Paradox]

Slam_Bradley reminds me of an oldy but goody:

Sure. Bring up his physical infirmities.

HARELIP! HARELIP!

:p

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Sure. Bring up his physical infirmities.

Hare-lip!

Hare-lip!

DAMNIT, I WOULD HAVE POSTED B4 'DOX BUT FOR THE STUPID "WAIT 30 SECONDS BEFORE POSTING."

Coke to 'Dox.

[Slam_Bradley]

I hated it. Bruno Kirby was more enjoyable than Robin Williams. The Vietnam War was more enjoyable than Robin Williams.

If someone gave me a DVD of that flick, I'd wonder what I did to make them so mad at me.

The little Vietnamese gal was pretty cute though.

[Ray R.]

Night Listener? Didn't see it. No plans to.

One Hour Photo? Williams as creepy stalker who was sexually abused by his mother. Eew.

Insomnia? The cure for it.


And if I may retort:

Jack
Mrs. Doubtfire
Bicentennial Man
RV
Patch Adams

And I'm just getting warmed up.....

[Jared_Humpherys]

Didn't see it. No plans to.

Williams as creepy stalker who was sexually abused by his mother. Eew.

The cure for it.


And if I may retort:

Jack
Mrs. Doubtfire
Bicentennial Man
RV
Patch Adams

And I'm just getting warmed up.....

what was that one where he's a minister judging some couple's merit before they wed? I'd heard that one was unbearably bad.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Wait. Mrs. Doubtfire was... bad?

[Lance]

One Hour Photo?

Ok, ok...

When it panned over to him sitting in that chair with the Santa hat on, it seriously creeped me the fuck out.

[Paradox]

Oh, I know he's got a lot of crap on the list. I just don't think he gets much credit when he's good.

You [Ray], of course, may just have a personal taste dislike for him. Nothing I can say to that.

[K'Nort]

Wait. Mrs. Doubtfire was... bad?

I didn't enjoy it either.

[HomerJay]

Oh totally sweet. I have never read any of it, but was getting the floppies of the comic series. I love that its only $25 for that hardcover, too.
I'm loving the books. One of the great things about it is that literally ANYTHING can happen. King somehow makes things unpredictable & unique while still remaining intentionally derivative and standing things on their heads. Like putting John Wayne, James Dean & C3PO together in the Land of Oz or something.
I'm having a hard time getting excited about it. Batman Begins didn't really connect with me. I recognize that it's a good film with a number of strong performances, but I just felt...ehh. I saw it once in the theatres. I bought a cheap copy of the dvd but haven't ever gotten around to watching it. It's lost in the house somewhere.
Same here.
Katie Holmes was too soft for that movie. There was a scene where she said she was the Gotham City District Attorney .She just fell flat. No edge. She would get eaten alive.
Christian Bale's growl got old kinda fast, too.
Different strokes I guess. I thought parts of it we're so good that it drove me nuts.

[Lance]

Wait. Mrs. Doubtfire was... bad?

It was a heart warming family flick. With crossdressing.

[Puma]

Wait. Mrs. Doubtfire was... bad?

That and Nine Months should be forever voided from film archives throughout the world.

[Typo Lad]

My issue with Katie Holmes was the same as with the girl who played Lois in Superman Returns. They just looked too dang young for the roles.

[Slam_Bradley]

Wait. Mrs. Doubtfire was... bad?

One of the worst movies I've ever seen.

[HomerJay]

Williams as creepy stalker who was sexually abused by his mother. Eew.
Didn't it go beyond that? Wasn't there a child porn element to it as well?
Seriously disturbing and heartbreaking shit in that movie.

[Paradox]

Slam_Bradley is harsh:

One of the worst movies I've ever seen.

I know it wasn't good, but...you need to get out more. ;)

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

It was a heart warming family flick. With crossdressing.

Lance gets me.

I see nothing wrong with an ex-husband violating a restraining order by dressing up as a creepy old woman.

[Slam_Bradley]

That and Nine Months should be forever voided from film archives throughout the world.


I agree with your statement and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[Typo Lad]

There was no restraining order until after the cross-dressing. He was just violating visitation.

[jessecuster3]

I liked Williams when he was still on the coke.

[Lance]

Lance gets me.

I see nothing wrong with an ex-husband violating a restraining order by dressing up as a creepy old woman.

I just wish my dad would have gone through those lengths to be with me.

[Typo Lad]

I just wish my dad would have gone through those lengths to be with me.
Yeah, wouldn't it be great if he had a good excuse like that for the cross-dressing?

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

There was no restraining order until after the cross-dressing. He was just violating visitation.

Oh, Good Lord.

[HomerJay]

My issue with Katie Holmes was the same as with the girl who played Lois in Superman Returns. They just looked too dang young for the roles.
Which is why I'm happy that Maggie Gyllenhaal is taking the role over. She's attractive, but she could totally pass for a brainy, overachieving law-school chick any day. More than Holmes at least.

[Lance]

Yeah, wouldn't it be great if he had a good excuse like that for the cross-dressing?

It'd make it easier to deal with, at least.

[Typo Lad]

Oh, Good Lord.
I'm one of those annoying people who remembers most of the minutia about movies.

Mrs. Doubtfire was an important movie for me. It showed me what happens when one is a man-child.

He gets to poison Remington Steele and get away with it, and his own TV show.

Now where'd i put that wig...

[Paradox]

It's a stupid screwball comedy and you're focusing on lawbreaking?

Lawyers. :rolleyes:

[Typo Lad]

You have to admit Dox, there's a lot of creepy behavior that gets "rewarded" in that film.

[Slam_Bradley]

Mrs. Doubtfire was an important movie for me. It showed me what happens when one is a man-child.

He gets to poison Remington Steele and get away with it, and his own TV show.

Now where'd i put that wig...


It shows you what happens in movies.

In real life...not so much.




Typo! For God's Sake. Put down the wig!

[Typo Lad]

It... it makes me feel pretty.

Mmm... real human hair.

Oh don't worry, she won't be needing it anymore.

[Ray R.]

Wait. Mrs. Doubtfire was... bad?

Shitacular.

[Jared_Humpherys]

It... it makes me feel pretty.

Mmm... real human hair.

Oh don't worry, she won't be needing it anymore.

And thus does Typo become known as Wild Bill.

[Typo Lad]

It puts on the lotion or it gets the hose.

And someone should really tell Paradox to stop using that as a pick-up line.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I'm one of those annoying people who remembers most of the minutia about movies.

Mrs. Doubtfire was an important movie for me. It showed me what happens when one is a man-child.

He gets to poison Remington Steele and get away with it, and his own TV show.

Now where'd i put that wig...

No offense intended towards you, Morts. It just confirms my suspicions that one could post the Unified Field Theory on CBR and there would be someone to point out that a comma is missing.

It's a stupid screwball comedy and you're focusing on lawbreaking?

Lawyers. :rolleyes:

It's not my fault. Law school made me this way.

[Typo Lad]

No offense intended towards you, Morts. It just confirms my suspicions that one could post the Unified Field Theory on CBR and there would be someone to point out that a comma is missing.

"Mister Stevens, that comma cost this firm 4.6 million dollars."

[Matt Algren]

It... it makes me feel pretty.

Mmm... real human hair.

Oh don't worry, she won't be needing it anymore.
Now the fake boobs . . .

[Ray R.]

Oh, I know he's got a lot of crap on the list. I just don't think he gets much credit when he's good.

You [Ray], of course, may just have a personal taste dislike for him. Nothing I can say to that.

I used to like him, when, as jesse put it, he was still on the coke. His frenetic stand-up from the seventies is brilliant, cutting edge and (here's the bottom-line) a bit scary at times.

He's been a maudlin, scenery-chewing, lowest-common-denominator, one-trick pony for the last decade and a half at least, with a ill-advised stereotype-defying role probably suggested by his agent ("Death to Smoochy" will redefine your career, Robin) every once in awhile.

Less dislike than being flabbergasted that he keeps getting work.

[Typo Lad]

Now the fake boobs . . .
"fake"?

Holy crap.

There's "Ed" fanfic.

[Slam_Bradley]

It's a stupid screwball comedy and you're focusing on lawbreaking?



I find my tolerance for screwyness in comedies gets lower in direct correlation to how modern a movie I'm watching. I don't know why that is.

[Matt Algren]

"fake"?

Holy crap.

There's "Ed" fanfic.
Oh, Ed's are real.


And they're spectacular.

[K'Nort]

I find my tolerance for screwyness in comedies gets lower in direct correlation to how modern a movie I'm watching. I don't know why that is.

You're not at all alone there.

Maybe because modern screwiness is so much more vulgar? I'm really not sure. I bet there's a thesis on it somewhere though.

[jessecuster3]

I liked Death To Smoochy. Not enough to defend it, mind you.



I find my tolerance for screwyness in comedies gets lower in direct correlation to how modern a movie I'm watching. I don't know why that is.


Yet you liked Superbad?

[K'Nort]

Oh, hey. Ed and fake boobs reminded me.

Has this already been posted (http://www.lanejensen.com/)?

(Work safe but not for the squeamish.)

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

You're not at all alone there.

Maybe because modern screwiness is so much more vulgar? I'm really not sure. I bet there's a thesis on it somewhere though.

Personally, I think it's because it seems so contrived and forced in modern movies. I don't know why it popped into my head, but the movie "Blind Date" came to mind immediately.

[Slam_Bradley]

You're not at all alone there.

Maybe because modern screwiness is so much more vulgar? I'm really not sure. I bet there's a thesis on it somewhere though.


Maybe it's because The Marx Brothers already did it. And it was a lot funnier.

I dunno. It seems to be a pretty rare modern comedy that I actually find to be funny.

[Ray R.]

You're not at all alone there.

Maybe because modern screwiness is so much more vulgar? I'm really not sure. I bet there's a thesis on it somewhere though.

I think you're right. I like "Something About Mary" because it was done well, but it sure set the bar so low for a parade of crappy imitators and panderers.

Yes, kids laugh at fart jokes. Is that why you put five of them in your film? The first four weren't enough to capture an 8 year old's heart and brain? The fifth made it something special?

[Matt Algren]

You're not at all alone there.

Maybe because modern screwiness is so much more vulgar? I'm really not sure. I bet there's a thesis on it somewhere though.
It's just been done, and done better. Nowadays the screwball comedy teams are chosen by producers looking to expand the demographic and maximize profits instead of finding two guys who make a good comedy team.

[jessecuster3]

I think you're right. I like "Something About Mary" because it was done well, but it sure set the bar so low for a parade of crappy imitators and panderers.

Yes, kids laugh at fart jokes. Is that why you put five of them in your film? The first four weren't enough to capture an 8 year old's heart and brain? The fifth made it something special?

Hmm I thought Kingpin was much better than Mary, they went way raunchier and never had to attempt "heartwarming".

[Ray R.]

I liked Death To Smoochy. Not enough to defend it, mind you.

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

Yet you liked Superbad?

You really don't get to throw stones in a glass house. Unless you want to be victimized all over again.

[Ray R.]

Hmm I thought Kingpin was much better than Mary, they went way raunchier and never had to attempt "heartwarming".

I liked Kingpin too, but not my point. I don't remember the slew of "Kingpin" imitators like "Something About Mary", do you?

[Slam_Bradley]

Yet you liked Superbad?


Yep, I did.

Because, overall it wasn't forced. There weren't a lot of things in it that pushed beyond the bounds of reasonableness. It was a well-done film.

[K'Nort]

I was truly expecting to like Something About Mary but only cracked a smile once. Kingpin got a wide berth. Absolutely don't like raunchy.

From what I've read, Superbad isn't screwball.

[Puma]

I was truly expecting to like Something About Mary but only cracked a smile once. Kingpin got a wide berth. Absolutely don't like raunchy.

From what I've read, Superbad isn't screwball.

We turned off Something about Mary halfway through, same with Kingpin, same with Meet the Parents/Fockers, etc.

I'd rather watch Hepburn and Grant.

[jessecuster3]

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.



You really don't get to throw stones in a glass house. Unless you want to be victimized all over again.


I have no idea what any of this means. I was legitimately questioning why he would say he doesn't like modern screwball stuff, when I thought he really liked Superbad. It wasn't a knock on him at all.


Dude, seriously just put me on ignore, you snap every time I fucking type anything.

[jessecuster3]

Edit: nevermind I guess.

[K'Nort]

I have no idea what any of this means. I was legitimately questioning why he would say he doesn't like modern screwball stuff, when I thought he really liked Superbad. It wasn't a knock on him at all.


Dude, seriously just put me on ignore, you snap every time I fucking type anything.

Your wording was aggressive and implied hypocrisy.

Edit: And still is.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Holy shit.

Maybe my RITA'S is broken.

[Ray R.]

I have no idea what any of this means. I was legitimately questioning why he would say he doesn't like modern screwball stuff, when I thought he really liked Superbad. It wasn't a knock on him at all.

Superbad isn't modern screwball.

Dude, seriously just put me on ignore, you snap every time I fucking type anything.

Snap? You wish, "dude." Why don't you put me on ignore instead, and then you won't need to see my responses to your little over-enthusiastic declarations of what is good taste and what is bad taste, and my responses then make you yell that everyone is picking on you. Noone is picking on you if you can't hear them, right? Otherwise, man up or shut up.

[Puma]

Holy shit.

Maybe my RITA'S is broken.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/funny-pictures-busted-cat.jpg


nope, random lolcat still works.

[jessecuster3]

Superbad isn't modern screwball.



Snap? You wish, "dude." Why don't you put me on ignore instead, and then you won't need to see my responses to your little over-enthusiastic declarations of what is good taste and what is bad taste, and my responses then make you yell that everyone is picking on you. Noone is picking on you if you can't hear them, right? Otherwise, man up or shut up.



Ok let me try again, Ray, would you please put me on ignore, no matter what I say you are going to react.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I know we've covered this before, but even though it's the holidays, everyone seems extra-pissy, me included.

Fuck. I am filled with rage right now and I have to go to my daughter's recital in about an hour. Totally not in the mood.

We had our performance reviews at my firm today. Once again, I am the world's most brilliant and competent lawyer. As a result, naturally, I am rewarded with a 2005 Ultimate Presidential Silver Dollar and a couple Publix coupons.

Fuck them.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Ok let me try again, Ray, would you please put me on ignore, no matter what I say you are going to react.

That's not how it works, jesse. You either deal with what he's saying or you put him on ignore. You can't request others to put you on ignore.

[Ray R.]

Ok let me try again, Ray, would you please put me on ignore, no matter what I say you are going to react.

No. Request denied. Move on with your life, or move on somewhere else. Got it?

[Ray R.]

That's not how it works, jesse. You either deal with what he's saying or you put him on ignore. You can't request others to put you on ignore.

Tis the season to be passive-aggressive.

And I feel your pain on the review front. Intimately.

[Matt Algren]

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/funny-pictures-cat-needs-toilet-paper.jpg

[Chris Nowlin]

That's not how it works, jesse. You either deal with what he's saying or you put him on ignore. You can't request others to put you on ignore.

I find I don't have to request it.

[Slam_Bradley]

First, I really don't see Superbad as being a "screwball comedy." It's a coming-of-age comedy with elements of farce. No...the parts with the cops and McLovin weren't remotely realistic. But that didn't detract from the rest of the film, MUCH of which hit really close to home.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I find I don't have to request it.

Did anyone else hear anything?

[Tadhg]

All right bitches, you're going to make me pull out the *hugz*, faux-modding, and pleas for conviviality if you don't all shape up.

[Ray R.]

Did anyone else hear anything?

It's like a low hum.

[Slam_Bradley]

We had our performance reviews at my firm today. Once again, I am the world's most brilliant and competent lawyer. As a result, naturally, I am rewarded with a 2005 Ultimate Presidential Silver Dollar and a couple Publix coupons.

Fuck them.


I recently gave myself my annual review. I told myself that since I'm such a fuck-up, I'm not going to get any more money.


Sorry about the fucked up situation, Doc. I commiserate. I actively hate the legal profession right now.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

All right bitches, you're going to make me pull out the *hugz*, faux-modding, and pleas for conviviality if you don't all shape up.

Kiss my ass, Carrottop.

[Matt Algren]

We had our performance reviews at my firm today. Once again, I am the world's most brilliant and competent lawyer. As a result, naturally, I am rewarded with a 2005 Ultimate Presidential Silver Dollar and a couple Publix coupons.

Fuck them.You're kidding about the silver dollar, right?

[Ray R.]

All right bitches, you're going to make me pull out the *hugz*, faux-modding, and pleas for conviviality if you don't all shape up.

That's a sign of things being really bad. When Tadhg comes in here as the voice of reason.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Sorry about the fucked up situation, Doc. I commiserate. I actively hate the legal profession right now.

Thanks. I have dealt with so many assmonkeys over the past two days, I'm ready to chuck the whole thing and work at Burger King.

[Jared_Humpherys]

That's a sign of things being really bad. When Tadhg comes in here as the voice of reason.

Could be worse.

It could be me.

[Slam_Bradley]

Could be worse.

It could be me.


The bad signs are when you're the funny one.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

You're kidding about the silver dollar, right?

Yes. Here's what's worse: I just talked to our newb associate. He got a bigger raise than I did (although I did get a bigger bonus).

It's so logical, too. I mean, I only billed more hours and collected more money than any other associate, so naturally, they should give the associate with 1 freaking year of experience a bigger raise than me. After they've blown smoke up my ass about me taking over our firm's litigation dept., too. Jesus fuck.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Some good news:

Got some more Christmas presents for Sarah. "NiGHTS" for the Wii(the original on Saturn was her favorite game ever), DDR on the 360(she really wanted Wii Fit, but it isn't out yet), and the new DJ Tiesto cd(her favorite artist).

For me, Sarah got Call of Duty 4(360) and Unreal Tournament 3(PS3).

[Ray R.]

Thanks. I have dealt with so many assmonkeys over the past two days, I'm ready to chuck the whole thing and work at Burger King.

I'll work the fryer if you handle drive-through. And I'm not kidding about it, either.

I had planned to take off tomorrow for weeks now, in order to have a four-day weekend. Today, I'm told I have to come in tomorrow, because a stupid fifth-year associate in one of the outer gulag offices won't do their final read-through of a pro bon Supreme Court brief until tomorrow, and I'm handling logistics in D.C. Plus, at 4:00 p.m. today, I get wind that our representation of a scummy Republican Congressman might require a motion and memo tomorrow as well.

[Jared_Humpherys]

The bad signs are when you're the funny one.

Yeah, but that only happened, like, once.

[Jeff Brady]

There is a temp job prospect. It requires commuting for 1.5 hours each way, but if they pay enough, I'll take it.

[Matt Algren]

Yes. Here's what's worse: I just talked to our newb associate. He got a bigger raise than I did (although I did get a bigger bonus).

It's so logical, too. I mean, I only billed more hours and collected more money than any other associate, so naturally, they should give the associate with 1 freaking year of experience a bigger raise than me. After they've blown smoke up my ass about me taking over our firm's litigation dept., too. Jesus fuck.
Ouch. Your ass is gonna be hurting for awhile on that one.

Oh, and I want curly fries with that.

[Matt Algren]

There is a temp job prospect. It requires commuting for 1.5 hours each way, but if they pay enough, I'll take it.
That's a lot of commute. It better pay a fortune.




http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/funny-pictures-christmas-gifts.jpg

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I'll work the fryer if you handle drive-through. And I'm not kidding about it, either.

I had planned to take off tomorrow for weeks now, in order to have a four-day weekend. Today, I'm told I have to come in tomorrow, because a stupid fifth-year associate in one of the outer gulag offices won't do their final read-through of a pro bon Supreme Court brief until tomorrow, and I'm handling logistics in D.C. Plus, at 4:00 p.m. today, I get wind that our representation of a scummy Republican Congressman might require a motion and memo tomorrow as well.

Oh, I can't take tomorrow off either. Get this: I have to finish writing a brief for one of the partners (and when I say "finish writing," I mean "start from scratch" because I think this partner wrote this in fingerpaints) because our firm Holiday party is tomorrow.

The irony is going to kill me, if I don't do myself in with the staple-remover first.

[Ray R.]

Yes. Here's what's worse: I just talked to our newb associate. He got a bigger raise than I did (although I did get a bigger bonus).

It's so logical, too. I mean, I only billed more hours and collected more money than any other associate, so naturally, they should give the associate with 1 freaking year of experience a bigger raise than me. After they've blown smoke up my ass about me taking over our firm's litigation dept., too. Jesus fuck.

I hate first-years. Hate 'em. They're not worth the office space they occupy.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Ouch. Your ass is gonna be hurting for awhile on that one.

Oh, and I want curly fries with that.

YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!!!