Let's Play "Ask The Jew"!

[Patient Boy]

disavouwed after writing "Kosher Sex".

Does this have anything to do with a hole in a sheet then?

[jessecuster]

Morts, i got a question for you... So I was playing Trivial Pursuit with a number of my Jewish friends, and there was a question about yarmulkes. Now as i heard from my parents and grandparents growing up, it is yahmookees however everyone I was with laughed at me and said its yammacas not kees. How do you say it ? And just for the record when they stopped laughing I said ok, and used keepas in the question.

[Typo Lad]

PB: Oooo...you do that again and I'm gonna find some horrible joke about YOUR side of the family.

JC: I've heard it both ways. I, myself, say ya-ma-ka. Still, I've heard the other. And anything is better than people who call them beanies.

[Dreadstar]

JC: I've heard it both ways. I, myself, say ya-ma-ka. Still, I've heard the other. And anything is better than people who call them beanies.
It's not a proper Beanie without a propeller.


Which raises the question:


Could you get away with a propeller?

[Patient Boy]

PB: Oooo...you do that again and I'm gonna find some horrible joke about YOUR side of the family.


I'd actually like to hear one. Most of the things I hear about Muslims are just insulting, and not even funny at that. The only thing from a non-Muslim I remember that was even remotely funny was from a Roald Dahl story, where a character mentioned that Muslims tend to have lots of kids because all the bending and crouching they do during prayers makes them virile.

And I'd never even heard of the "hole in the sheet" story before you brought it up.

[Typo Lad]

Could you get away with a propeller?

Why in the name of Beanie and Ceacil would I WANT too?

[Typo Lad]

I'd actually like to hear one. Most of the things I hear about Muslims are just insulting, and not even funny at that.

The sad part is I don't know any either. The cute Muslim workstudies at one of our Campuses (sisters...YUM!) are no longer there and they were my source of all things Muslim.

As for the hole in the sheet, I get asked it a LOT.

[Buzz Dixon]

Cause there's some serious sorting issues over in that area. 's the problem you get with it being the holy land for three religions.
It's only the Jews' holy land. Christians recognize it as the land promised the Hebrews by God; they certainly have warm fuzzies about the land of David and Elijah and Jesus, but they don't need to visit it, much less possess it in order to feel fulfilled as Christians.

Moderate Islamic clerics interpret the Q'ran as vouching for Israel as belonging to the Jews and think the Islamic Empire made a big mistake several centuries back by not officially re-establishing Israel then and there as a reservation for the Jewish people.

As far as is known, Mohammed never visited Jerusalem, though his followers originally prayed in that direction instead of Mecca (he made 'em turn around when the Jews wouldn't accept him as a prophet). Claims that he visited the Dome of the Rock are based on a dream Mohammed had, not a vision*, in which he dreamt he visited a mosque "in the utmost quadrant" (or words to that effect). The mosque's location was never clearly identified but some Moslems took it to be in Jerusalem.

*The difference is that a dream can be of purely human origins while a vision is always divinely inspired.

[Buzz Dixon]

...all criticism of the Israeli state can be attributed to anti-semitism.
Criticism of Israel isn't Jew-hatred. Wanting to kill all the Jews and wipe Israel off the face of the Earth is.

I think one reason the Left has come to hate Israel is that they refuse to act like victims.

[Buzz Dixon]

PB: Oooo...you do that again and I'm gonna find some horrible joke about YOUR side of the family.

JC: I've heard it both ways. I, myself, say ya-ma-ka. Still, I've heard the other. And anything is better than people who call them beanies.
Does it have to be a yarmulke? What about the Hassidic (spl?) guys (not goys) who wear the big fur hats and knee stockings?

Are there Jewish men who double dome for safety's sake, wearing a yarmulke under a hat?

[Buzz Dixon]

I'd actually like to hear one. Most of the things I hear about Muslims are just insulting, and not even funny at that. The only thing from a non-Muslim I remember that was even remotely funny was from a Roald Dahl story, where a character mentioned that Muslims tend to have lots of kids because all the bending and crouching they do during prayers makes them virile.
Genuflecting has the same effect on Roman Catholics. :p

I came across an Islamic joke about four years ago while doing a search on the Internet. This is a couple of centuries old and comes from the Middle East. As I recall it, a local mosque invites a famous itinerant teach to come at preach a sermon. When the teacher gets there he asks, "Who knows what I am going to talk about?"

No one raised a hand, so the teacher said, "Then there's little point in my talking to you," and left.

The mosque invited him back the next year. Again he asked the congregation, "Who knows what I am going to talk about?"

This time they all raised their hands so the teacher said, "Then there's little point in telling you what you already know" and left.

They tried again the third year. This time when the teacher asked, "Who knows what I'm going to talk about?" half the group raised their hands and the other half didn't.

"Fine," said the teacher, "those of you who know can tell those who don't!"

[Typo Lad]

Does it have to be a yarmulke? What about the Hassidic (spl?) guys (not goys) who wear the big fur hats and knee stockings?/QUOTE]

They're wearing one underneeth.

[QUOTE=Buzz Dixon]Are there Jewish men who double dome for safety's sake, wearing a yarmulke under a hat?

I wear a baseball cap over my yammie in public. Keeps it from sliding off and keeps me safe in certain situations.

[Typo Lad]

Genuflecting has the same effect on Roman Catholics. :p


I love that word. Always makes me think of Tom Lehrer's "Vatican Rag".

And there's always the joke about the Gay and Lesbian Synagogue in the Villiage. There's a sign on the sanctuary, 'Please enter through rear".

I can't believe I repeated that one.

[Buzz Dixon]

And there's always the joke about the Gay and Lesbian Synagogue in the Villiage. There's a sign on the sanctuary, 'Please enter through rear".

I can't believe I repeated that one.
Nation Lampoon used to run a page of genuine signs with inadvertantly funny messages, and one for Planned Parenthood read "Enter In Rear."

[RubinCompServ]

As for the hole in the sheet, I get asked it a LOT.

Well? What's the answer? Or maybe I'll just ask TypoLass on Sunday...

[RubinCompServ]

And there's always the joke about the Gay and Lesbian Synagogue in the Villiage. There's a sign on the sanctuary, 'Please enter through rear".

I can't believe I repeated that one.

I'm surprised it took you so long.

[Rallura]

I got a question for ya, Morts old buddy old pal....

WHY WON'T THIS LAPTOP TURN ON?

bloodmaimgore...

[Typo Lad]

E-mail sent.

I SAID it was spastic.

[Rob Allen]

Have you read this Dave Barry column?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ideas_opinions/story/193382p-167129c.html

And, are you from Miami?

[Typo Lad]

Very cute.

Typo Tot love to sing about Santa Claus.

[jessecuster]

Hey Morts what do you think of AIPAC ? One of my friends just described them as a neo-con think tank/PAC.

[Typo Lad]

I've never been clear on that. I know my dad messed with them a bit.

[ShadowGrl]

I'm jewish but when I was more religious I never smoked. Now that I'm less religious and smoking (maybe there's a connection). What's the orthodox take on smoking? Since it's known to be bad for you and will cause death eventually, is it like suicide? Then why do so many Chassidic jews smoke?

[Typo Lad]

Oh wow. Smoking. Ask me something easy why don't you?

Now, i was ALWAYS taught that smoking as forbidden, as it is suicide. However, Rav Moshe Feinstien, one of the greatest Modern sages,(now passed on) did a letter basically stating "Smoking is evil. However, if you already smoke...you're addicted. You should still try to quit, but it's not YOUR fault". Basically.

A lot of people used that as an excuse saying "Well, the first time was a sin but now I'm addicted so it's ok."

Where I went to Yeshiva you would be expelled if caught smoking, no questions asked.

[Sanagi]

However, Rav Moshe Feinstien, one of the greatest Modern sages,(now passed on) did a letter basically stating "Smoking is evil. However, if you already smoke...you're addicted. You should still try to quit, but it's not YOUR fault". Basically.

A lot of people used that as an excuse saying "Well, the first time was a sin but now I'm addicted so it's ok."

That's an interesting thought. Does the fact that Nicotine alters your brain chemistry make it morally different from other temptations? If it were me, I'd say it's still a sin, because it's still a choice that you make. Not that I'm qualified to make that judgment.

[RubinCompServ]

What's the orthodox take on smoking? Since it's known to be bad for you and will cause death eventually, is it like suicide?

I don't know of any Orthodox Rabbi that has given permission to start smoking (even Rav Moshe Feinstein statement that Morts quoted was only for those who had already started, and he did not intend for it to be the blanket permission that some people think it is). If you ask, some will say that it is forbidden as suicide and some will say it's forbidden for other reasons, but I don't think anyone would treat a death caused by smoking as a TRUE suicide (there are significant problems pertaining to Jewish burial for someone who has comitted suicide).

[Rob Allen]

Morts, (and anyone else who wants to pipe up),

I'm curious to hear what you think of the Jewish Renewal movement (see www.aleph.org and www.jewishrenewal.org). I've attended a few services of the Portland P'nai Or congregation (www.pnaiorpdx.org) and found them interesting. I'm not Jewish, but my wife grew up in the Conservative tradition. She left Judaism in her 20s but when her parents died she wanted to say a Kaddish for them, and she found the Renewal movement in general and the P'nai Or group specifically to be the most congenial Jewish group she'd ever encountered. Since I have much less experience with the spectrum of Jewish beliefs & practices, I'm curious - is the Renewal movement considered close to mainstream in Judaism, or is it considered far-out and radical?

Thanks!

[MichaelNetzer]

Morts, (and anyone else who wants to pipe up),

I'm curious to hear what you think of the Jewish Renewal movement (see www.aleph.org and www.jewishrenewal.org).

rob, the first quote in aleph's about page reflects the essence of judaism:

ALEPH is a core institution in the Jewish renewal movement, dedicated to the Jewish people's sacred purpose of partnership with the Divine in the inseparable tasks of healing the world and healing our hearts.

mainstream judaism is somewhat divided as to what mainstream ought to be. the birth of the hebrew people came as a rejection of what was mainstream in the time of aberaham. jewish history is laden with the rise and repeated fall of mainstream judaism. suffice it to say that with such a declared intent, aleph is a good representation of jewish aspirations.

michael

[Typo Lad]

Hey! Michael! Remember me? Dorky kid you had lunch with at Center One in isreal who blanked on who Carmen Infinato was? About 6 years ago.

Rob: Never heard of them. Will reasearch. Thanks!

[MichaelNetzer]

Hey! Michael! Remember me? Dorky kid you had lunch with at Center One in isreal who blanked on who Carmen Infinato was? About 6 years ago.

hello mordechai! how can i forget that great lunch, nothing dorky about it though. no one your age in comics should have known about infantino back then. when i landed in ny in nov 75 i had no idea who siegel and shuster were until neal showed me their letter which started the campaign to get them compensation. i learnt everything quickly but nothing dorky about the learning curve we all went through. nice to see you again, so to speak.

good thread, i have a couple of thoughts about some things. hope to find the time to put 'em forth soon.

best,
michael

[Typo Lad]

*whew* I was so embarassed...

The steak at that place was SO GOOD. Mmm. And the fries.

I could eat my way through the Midena. In fact, I should do that, take an Eating Tour.

Sure, there's great history there, but MAMA MIA, the FOOD!

[ShadowGrl]

I spoke to my sister in Jerusalem the other night and she mentioned she was at Cafe Rimon about to see some of her girls off who were leaving for the States. All I could think of was what are you eating. Have you been to (fill in the blank restaurant) lately. Ah... the food in Israel. *sigh*

No questions for now, but I'm thinking.

[Typo Lad]

Ah, Cafe Rimon. My wife introduced me to that place. All my summers in Israel and I had never eaten there. Shame on me.

Know what's good? This little steak place outside Har Nof. NO idea if it is still open. it's called Shiners.

[StoneGold]

Chocolate rugala at the Marzipan Bakery in Jerusalem. Perferably fresh and warm. There's like a stick of butter in every one, the things melt in your mouth.

[Typo Lad]

Any idea what the street address is? My parents head back over in a month and I'm asking for food.

It's funny, but when I first started going I was a wee lad of five and HATED most of the food there. Now, I love it.

Although Israeli ice cream still sucks for the most part.

[StoneGold]

I liked Israeli ice cream. Well, at least the weird European stuff they sell there. Anyways, it's been a couple of years since I've been there, but it's somewhere in the market at the top of Ben Yehuda Street that I'm forgetting the name of. Make sure you get your parents to pack it in an airtight container though, the stuff needs to be kept fresh. It's amazing though, like no other dessert I've ever tasted. Gotta be killer on the health though. It's like the killer eclair from the Simpsons, minus the poison.

[ShadowGrl]

The one near Kikar Zion. Where they'll mix in fruit or chocolate or nuts. Yum.

And for Mort....Why doesn't cholent taste as good the next day?
and I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell what cholent is

[StoneGold]

The one near Kikar Zion. Where they'll mix in fruit or chocolate or nuts. Yum.

And for Mort....Why doesn't cholent taste as good the next day?
and I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell what cholent is
I think that might be a different one. At least, I don't remember any fruits or nuts mixed in. There was a cinnamon one, but while it was good, much like the cinnamon babka, it just couldn't hold a candle.

This is all assuming the bakery is still there, and hasn't been blow up or something.

[artemisboy]

Two questions:

1) What does the white strings that hang from underneath a Chasidic's jacket mean/represent?

2) As a Jewish man, how do you personally feel about the "new fad" the Kabaala (sp) has become among non-Jewish faith followers? Pleased that a portion of your faith is being explored or offended that it is being exploited possibly by people who don't really care about it but rather want to seem "hip"?

- Peter

[Typo Lad]

Two questions:

1) What does the white strings that hang from underneath a Chasidic's jacket mean/represent?


Not just Chasidic men, I wear those too. Those are Tzitzit, the four stands of strig worn on a four cornered garment called a Tallis Katan. In fact, if an Orthodox Jew wears ANY garment with four colors he is supposed to wear Tzitis.

As for why..hm. Can't find a good online source. i found one that's ok but has a lot of misinformation. At the most basic, because we were commanded to. But there's more to that. Maybe Rubin can help me out here...


2) As a Jewish man, how do you personally feel about the "new fad" the Kabaala (sp) has become among non-Jewish faith followers? Pleased that a portion of your faith is being explored or offended that it is being exploited possibly by people who don't really care about it but rather want to seem "hip"?

- Peter

I tell ya, it bothers me somewhat to see it co-opted as a flavor of the month thing. I was raised that someone shouldn't begin to try to understand Kaballah until they've mastered the Talmud. To me, it's like trying to study Qunatum Physics without knowing the laws of thermordynamics. Still, if people are finding peace through it, more power to them.

Although it DOES disturb me seeing so called devotees like Madonna acting in a fashion that is counter to Torah teachings.

[artemisboy]

Ok, question 3:

How does gay lifestyle generally fit into Jewish faith? With gay Jewish organizations formed, is there a religious aspect of Judism that honors the lifestyle or is it more looked down upon in general?

- Peter

[Typo Lad]

The one near Kikar Zion. Where they'll mix in fruit or chocolate or nuts. Yum.

And for Mort....Why doesn't cholent taste as good the next day?
and I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell what cholent is

See, I am the rare duck that doesn't like Chulent, sorry.

And Chulent doesn't taste as good because it lacks the spice of Shabbos.

At least, that's the propaganda.

Fruit and nuts? YUM!

[StoneGold]

Ok, question 3:

How does gay lifestyle generally fit into Jewish faith? With gay Jewish organizations formed, is there a religious aspect of Judism that honors the lifestyle or is it more looked down upon in general?

- Peter
This wouldn't be on Judaism as a whole, but there was a recent award-winning documentary on gay Orthodox Jews called "Trembling Before God."

[Typo Lad]

Ok, question 3:

How does gay lifestyle generally fit into Jewish faith? With gay Jewish organizations formed, is there a religious aspect of Judism that honors the lifestyle or is it more looked down upon in general?

- Peter

Well Peter, I'll be frank with you: Most Jews I've met are borderline homophobes, even the gay ones. I know this sounds like a sweaping generalization, but it's just my limited experiance.

The fact is, the Torah says that it's an Abomination. So yeah, that's something against it. However. the Torah ALSO says that it's an Abomination to cheat in business. So anyone who uses the Bible as an excuse to bash homosexula should also be bashing most people out there. Still, it's looked down upon and should not be.

Why? Well, the way I see it (and of course, this is me, not anyone else), what two people do is between them and G-d. If He doesn't agree with it, He can deal with it. G-d doesn't need me to be his policeman. I know people who sin in other ways. I myself am not perfect...so why condem someone for acting in a manner in accordence with his genes? My mother had a dear dear friend who went to a Rabbi because he was struggling with his homsexuality. He was a great guy, top of his class...and he wanted so badly to not be gay. Why? Because he'd learnt all his life that it was Wrong. So he asked the Rabbi how to deal with it. The rabbi said you cna be Jewish or you can be Gay, you can't be both. Of course, the gentleman left the faith. Eventually, he passed away. I don't recall of what. it was either suicide or AIDS. I'll ahve to ask. That Rabbi feels aweful and now says he wishes he had told him "G-d doesn't need you to be a perfect Jew, just the best one you can be".

In fact, the very act of judging your fellow man is what led to the distruction of the Second Temple so yeah...bad for them.

The forming of Jewish Gay Orgs is a very, very good thing.

[RubinCompServ]

In fact, if an Orthodox Jew wears ANY garment with four colors he is supposed to wear Tzitis.

As for why..hm. Can't find a good online source. i found one that's ok but has a lot of misinformation. At the most basic, because we were commanded to. But there's more to that. Maybe Rubin can help me out here...

(It's actually four corners, cot colors). The primary reason is to remind us at all times of who we are. In Hebrew, the word 'tzitzit' has the numerical equivalent of 600. Add to it the 8 strings and 5 knots and you get 613=the total number of commandments (pos and neg) in the Torah.


I tell ya, it bothers me somewhat to see it co-opted as a flavor of the month thing. I was raised that someone shouldn't begin to try to understand Kaballah until they've mastered the Talmud. To me, it's like trying to study Qunatum Physics without knowing the laws of thermordynamics. Still, if people are finding peace through it, more power to them.

Although it DOES disturb me seeing so called devotees like Madonna acting in a fashion that is counter to Torah teachings.

Personally, I get a kick out of seeing people act like idiots and believe that they're being very spiritual. Their version of Kabbalah is what serious people take foolishly and foolish people take seriously. (Anyone here see "A Stranger Among Us"? Quoting from a review at amazon.com: "Now granted, there are some things in the film that are pure Hollywood, such as the little book referred to as "The Kabbalah" that reads like a sex manual. In real life, "kabbalah" is a collective term referring to Jewish mysticism. There is no one book called "The Kabbalah" any more than there is any one book called "The Zen." Although some kabbalstic texts do contain certain sexual imagery, the stuff that Ariel reads to Emily in the film is more like erotic love poetry. This serves a purpose in the story, but it's not Jewishly accurate..."

[RubinCompServ]

Ok, question 3:

How does gay lifestyle generally fit into Jewish faith? With gay Jewish organizations formed, is there a religious aspect of Judism that honors the lifestyle or is it more looked down upon in general?

The Torah says that homosexuality is an Abomination and, to me (and, as always, this is just my opinion), that's about the end of it. It doesn't mean that I'm going to go out gay-bashing or whatever; what 2 people do in their own house is really none of my business - just don't ask me to approve of it.

(That came off more judgemental and preachy than I would have liked. What I'm trying to say is that something like that is between them and G-d - my opinion isn't relevant.)

[Typo Lad]

I meant corners..darn lazy typists. Wait, that's me.

[Typo Lad]

I meant corners..darn lazy typists. Wait, that's me.

[RubinCompServ]

I meant corners..darn lazy typists. Wait, that's me.

You meant to post that twice..darn sticky mouse button. Wait, that's- um, never mind.

[jessecuster]

I understand the Orthodox view of homosexuality, however growing up refom/conservative, as well as most of the people I know, Judaism has always been a religion of tolerance. So, while the Torah may say "not to lay with a man as you would a woman", I think it is only Judaism that has opened gay friendly temples, you do not see this happening in any of the Christian sects.

[Typo Lad]

I think there are other faiths too. Let's not play the "my faith is better" game.

[Typo Lad]

-ignore please-

[jessecuster]

I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I just meant that throughout history, the Jewish people have been persecuted and due to this I feel there has developed a tolerance for other minorities.

[Typo Lad]

Sadly, I disagree. I've met so many borderline violently racist Jews, that there are days I wanna hurt someone.

[SteelTownr]

Morts,

Do you ever wish that you weren't Jewish?

Mark B.

[Typo Lad]

Nope.

If anything, I wish I were better at it.

[SteelTownr]

Nope.

If anything, I wish I were better at it.

I can understand that, I just thought that you might have had a "Grass is Greener" kind of moment when you were going that extra mile for your faith.

Mark B.

[Typo Lad]

Nope. I think my biggest test was smelling my father-in-law's cooking. Sigh.

[jessecuster]

Morts, thats actually really sad, I had a good friend who came out of the closet when we were in college, and while there were some who had negative reactions, on the whole it was more of an education thing than anything, and this was almost 10 years ago.

[RubinCompServ]

I think there are other faiths too. Let's play the "my faith is better" game.

My faith is better.

[RubinCompServ]

-ignore please-

no, thank you.

[Typo Lad]

Mine's bigger.

[StoneGold]

I've found for the most part that in most religions, the more observant (and there is a big difference between being more religious and more observant) the sect/person, the less tolerance there is. For whatever that is worth.

[Typo Lad]

Well, I once met someone, the brother in law of a very cool, very liberal rabbi, who was the most bigoted peice of crap I've had the misfortune to meet.

I think it's the sort of person who clings to his religion out of insecurity who ends up a bigot.

[StoneGold]

Well, I once met someone, the brother in law of a very cool, very liberal rabbi, who was the most bigoted peice of crap I've had the misfortune to meet.

I think it's the sort of person who clings to his religion out of insecurity who ends up a bigot.
I think the game warden on the Simpsons episode with Stampy summed it up best. "Well, animals are a lot like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated...but, like people, some of them are just jerks."

[Slick]

This is something I've wanted to do for a bit, and since all my posts today seem to have something to do with my religion...

Shoot. No questions of limit. If I know the answer, I'll give it. If I don't, I'll ask someone.

Any takers?
Wait, you're Jewish?

Does this change things between us?

[Typo Lad]

Wait, you didn't know that?

And why would it?

[Slick]

Either you didn't get my joke, or you're a really good straight man.

[Typo Lad]

I really didn't get it.

I'm a horrid straight man. I even like showtunes.

I wonder if that was crossing the line...

[jessecuster]

Morts, new question after a discussion last night. So thers 2 tribes left right, the Cohains(sp?) and the Levites ? And I learned from my family years ago that we were Cohains(sp?), however last night my friends were saying that this tribe is only about 5% of the population ? I know this whole thing about Moses being a Cohain and that theres a DNA code that Cohains can trace all the way back to him, but through dilution wouldn;t there have to be lots more of them ?

[Slick]

Whether it crossed or not, I still laughed!

[Typo Lad]

Well, actually, the Levites are the Tribe. Kohanim are a Caste of Levites. Moses himself was not a Kohain. Instead, Aaron was. All Kohanim are descendents of Aaron, and this does seem to have resulted in a quantifiable difference that can be traced in DNA. It's fascinating, really.

The Levites were unique as a tribe because they didn't have an area of thier own. Instead, they were intermixed with the others. So whatever Levites were with the tribes of Binyomin and Yeudah (Benjamin and Judah, for those who like transliterating) stuck around.

[Typo Lad]

Whether it crossed or not, I still laughed!

Good. Now explain your joke so I can understand. I hate being in the dark.

After all, familiarity breeds contempt.

[Slick]

The absurdity of you being Jewish actually changing anything between us was what was supposed to be funny.

(That, and there's not really anything between us.)

Of course, maybe that's not so absurd to some.

Either way, explaining a joke pretty much sucks all humor from it, so I'm done!

[Dreadstar]

The absurdity of you being Jewish actually changing anything between us was what was supposed to be funny.

(That, and there's not really anything between us.)

Of course, maybe that's not so absurd to some.

Either way, explaining a joke pretty much sucks all humor from it, so I'm done!
Oh, like sucking the humor from a situation ever bothered you before...

[MacQuarrie]

Good. Now explain your joke so I can understand. I hate being in the dark.

After all, familiarity breeds contempt.
I thought the joke was that after seven years of posting together, and on the 16th page of "Ask the Jew", Slick finally notices that you're jewish.

Better change "Slick" to "Quick"...

[Typo Lad]

Hey, stop mocking Slick everyone.

I still love you Slick.

Even you are a gentile.

[Tom]

Hey, stop mocking Slick everyone.

I still love you Slick.

Even you are a gentile.Yes, Slick.

Even you.

[RubinCompServ]

Oh, like sucking the humor from a situation ever bothered you before...

Morts, if you don't stop giving me good set-up lines, I'm gonna get myself banned...

[Typo Lad]

hey, don't look at me, that was Dreadstar.

[Slick]

I thought the joke was that after seven years of posting together, and on the 16th page of "Ask the Jew", Slick finally notices that you're jewish.
That was another part of the joke, MacQ. Your rapier wit is as sharp as ever.

See, the joke had multiple levels! That's how sophisticated my humor is.

I didn't bother to explain that part of the joke because despite what Dread implies, I didn't want to suck even MORE humor out of the joke. Then I would have gone into negative humor, which would cause me to explode.

MacQ just saved my life!

...

Wait, I'm a gentile?

This changes things....

[Typo Lad]

Actually, it changes nothing.

So feel free to go gentil-y into that good night.

[Slick]

Actually, it changes nothing.

So feel free to go gentil-y into that good night.
...

Oy vey.

[DarkBlade]

Madre dios!


...Anyone ever notice that they're missing a word there?

[Typo Lad]

Well Rin, I wouldn't notice, since Jews don't believe in a "madre" for Dios.

Just pointing that out...

[DarkBlade]

Yes yes, I veered off into hispanic Roman Catholic. I felt like continuing the stereotypical comment of astonishment or frustration trend.

[RubinCompServ]

Madre dios!


...Anyone ever notice that they're missing a word there?

Isn't it Madre de dios? The other way would seem to imply that the god is a woman...

[DarkBlade]

Yes, but no one ever says the "de," probably because it's annoying to try and say fast.

I guess it's a contraction now. So it should be Madre' dios!

Or somesuch.

Kinda like how people sing/say "Omnia ad dei gloriam." They usually miss saying "ad" because it's a bit tricky to say since it splits the same syllabal in half otherwise.

[Fabian]

Actually, most of the hispanics in my area say "Madre de dios" but now adays the saying, "Chinga su madre" has taken over


So how do the Jews view Mohammed and Islam?

What exactly are the qualifications for someone to be the Messiah? And do these qualifications apply to most sects or is it that no matter how much messiah a person is, will there always be Jewish people not believing in it?

[Typo Lad]

So how do the Jews view Mohammed and Islam?


Well, I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I view it thusly: According to the Torah, any gentile who acts in accord with the 7 Noahide Laws is bound for Heaven. So if a man, no matter what religion he is, acts in such a manner, it is a good thing. If they want to do even more - great.

Issac and Ishamel were brothers. They lived in the same house for years. It was Sarah's ambivilance about raising them together that sent Ishmael away, but Abrahma's love for both of his sons can clearly be seen. It is taught that Issac and Ishmael buried thier father together, and lived in peice for many, many years. Therefore, why should I take issue with my cousins?

Sure, there are some who twist Mohammed's teachings into something hateful, but that is not the fault of Mohammed. There are people of all faiths who twist text to suit thier small minds.

What exactly are the qualifications for someone to be the Messiah? And do these qualifications apply to most sects or is it that no matter how much messiah a person is, will there always be Jewish people not believing in it?

I am not well versed in Messianic lore, alas. I think when the time comes, we'll Know. Right now there's actually a fairly big schism in Judiasm right now because a certain group thinks that thier dead leader is going to be ressurected as the Messiah. As I mentione dearlier in this thread, a ressurected Messiah is not a part of our mythos. The Rabbi in question was a great man and did amazing things, and if it had been time now who knows? Maybe it could have been him. However, now it's time to move on.

[ShadowGrl]

What are the 7 Noahide Laws?

[Typo Lad]

What are the 7 Noahide Laws?

Huh. I thought I'd posted them already, but cannot find a trace...let me look:

http://webpages.charter.net/chavurathbneinoach/overview_7.html

Here's a decent source.

[ShadowGrl]

Thank you, and not to start one here but how does war fit into not committing Homicide. It says if it's the case of killed or be killed, you are still not allowed to murder. So what is a war if not a gathering of people with the intent to commit homicide?

[Typo Lad]

War is just that. THis is why there were special laws about who could be a soldier and how to reintigrate soldiers into society after the war. I have to look them up, but they're right in the Torah.

[RubinCompServ]

Thank you, and not to start one here but how does war fit into not committing Homicide. It says if it's the case of killed or be killed, you are still not allowed to murder. So what is a war if not a gathering of people with the intent to commit homicide?

The issue isn't quite as cut-and-dried as it might appear. The example you are referring to is where someone puts a gun to my head and says "Go kill that person over there or I'll kill you." In that case, I may not kill. However, if I see a person is going to kill someone (including myself), I am permitted to kill him first.

Without getting into politics (too much) that is a major difference between a war of aggression (i.e. Iraq invading Kuwait) and a war of defense (i.e. the Six Day War). In the first case, it would probably not be permitted to participate, and in the second case, it would. (Of course, as always, ask your local religious authority first)

[Fabian]

Are there Jewish vampires are have there ever been? If so, would they be killed by the Star of David instead of the cross? That would be cool simply because you can have ninja jewish vampire hunters who throw them.

[Typo Lad]

Well, since vampires don't exist...no.

However, several really cool stories have been done about Jewish vampires, including a really good comic...but I forget by who.

[RubinCompServ]

Are there Jewish vampires are have there ever been? If so, would they be killed by the Star of David instead of the cross? That would be cool simply because you can have ninja jewish vampire hunters who throw them.

Within Judaism, I don't know of any basis for true vampirism.

Depending on which vampire author/expert you ask, you might find that vampires are affected by any religious symbol, and not just a cross. For those people, there is this (http://www.merriol.freeserve.co.uk/products/ninja.htm) .

[SteelTownr]

I'm not real big on X-men history, but I seem to remember that When Wolverine made a cross out of his claws, Dracula pretty much laughed at him. He didn't much care for Kitty's Star of David though.

Mark B.

[MacQuarrie]

What exactly are the qualifications for someone to be the Messiah? And do these qualifications apply to most sects or is it that no matter how much messiah a person is, will there always be Jewish people not believing in it?
I am not well versed in Messianic lore, alas. I think when the time comes, we'll Know. Right now there's actually a fairly big schism in Judiasm right now because a certain group thinks that thier dead leader is going to be ressurected as the Messiah. As I mentione dearlier in this thread, a ressurected Messiah is not a part of our mythos. The Rabbi in question was a great man and did amazing things, and if it had been time now who knows? Maybe it could have been him. However, now it's time to move on.
If you don't mind, Morts, I'd like to take a stab at it. (Admittedly from a christian perspective, but I'll stay out of the New Testament...)

Understanding the Messiah from the Old Testament alone is a bit tricky, because a lot of it is in the form of asides and subtext. but I'll give it a go. We'll start in Job, where he says "I know that my redeemer lives, and he shall walk upon the earth in the latter days." (Note: I'm quoting all the scripture from memory, so it may be paraphrased here and there, and I won't be able to give you exact chapter & verse references, but I'm pretty sure I'll get the meanings right) "Redeemer" here refers to a point of jewish law. If a person was unable to pay his debts, he could be forced into slavery to the creditor, unless somebody could be found who was allowed to pay the debt on his behalf. You'll also find reference to this concept in the book of Ruth, where Boaz becomes kinsman-redeemer and later husband of Ruth, which can be interpreted as a prophetic illustration of the Messiah.The important part was that not just anybody could be a redeemer. There were three conditions required:

The redeemer had to be a blood relative, had to be able to pay the bill without putting himself in debt, and had to pay it of his own free will without coersion.

Since Job refers to the Messiah as his redeemer, we can draw a few conclusions: (1) Job, and by extension, we, have a debt to pay (traditionally the debt of sin caused by Adam's disobedience); (2) the redeemer will be a human being (blood relative), but one who is not himself indebted by sin; and (3) he will pay the price willingly.

What is the price? According to the Law, without blood there is no forgiveness of sin. There's a whole ritual of sacrifice in which the sins of the people are put on two goats, one of which is slain and the other releassed. Morts can probably tell you more about it, but it hasn't been practiced since the temple was destroyed in 70 CE ("Common Era", what we goyim call "AD"). There's a lot more to it than that, but it establishes the principle of the punishment of sins being imputed to a substitute to bear.

Anyway, the confusing thing is that throughout the Torah there are what appear to be contradictory descriptions of the Messiah. Sometimes he is a lowly servant being punished and suffering; other times he is a conquering king leading his people to victory. For many centuries the teaching was understood to mean that there were to be two messiahs, one called "the son of Joseph" and the other "the son of David." These two men serve as illustrations for what the Messiah(s) will be. In later years, some jewish sects have begun to teach that Messiah ben Joseph is the nation of Israel itself. They hold that the many times of suffering Israel has endured (the Diaspora, Inquisition, Holocaust, etc.) are of the purification process necessary to prepare for the coming Messiah.

Joseph was his father's favorite, and was sold into slavery, only to reappear decades later to provide for his people and rescue them in the famine. Through his suffering, they were saved.

David was the greatest king of Israel, leading his people to victory after victory. He also is the man God describes as "a man after my own heart."

There are about 900 passages in the Old Testament that can be interpreted as referring to the Messiah. About 300 of them refer to Messiah ben Joseph, and the other 600 to Messiah ben David. Some are open to dispute and interpretation, others are pretty precise.

What's beyond argument is: the Messiah will be descended from the tribe of Judah and a descendant of David. Daniel gives an exact date that he will come to the temple. I leave it to the student to look that up.

Anyway, I won't trot out all the prophecies that lead me to believe that Jesus of Nazareth is Messiah ben Joseph, as that would be rude. Regardless, whether Jesus is the suffering Messiah or not is of secondary importance to the teaching that Messiah ben David is coming. Who he turns out to be is not as important as what he will do and who will be eagerly awaiting his appearance.

Christians and jews can agree that Messiah ben David is coming, and that's good enough for me.

[StoneGold]

Well, since vampires don't exist...no.

However, several really cool stories have been done about Jewish vampires, including a really good comic...but I forget by who.
I think Marv Wolfman brought it up some time during the Tomb of Dracula run. In any case, in Tomb of Dracula, it's all about the faith the holder of the religious symbol has for it. So aetheists are screwed against Marvel vampires.

Just remembered, there was a bit in the second Tales From the Crypt movie, where Dennis Miller played a Jewish detective turned vampire hunter. His Star of David didn't do him much good there.

[Tom]

Hey, I have a weird question: Does Hebrew have a possessive form?

[Typo Lad]

...

Wow.

DAMN good question.

My Hebrew skills are poorer than they should be, despite years of Yeshiva. It's always daunted me. I find the linguistic rules baffling.

Still, from what I recall, adding an "eee" sound makes something possesive.

Rubin, hook me up here....

[Tom]

...

Wow.

DAMN good question.

My Hebrew skills are poorer than they should be, despite years of Yeshiva. It's always daunted me. I find the linguistic rules baffling.

Still, from what I recall, adding an "eee" sound makes something possesive.

Rubin, hook me up here....
The reason I ask is because when Desi was studying Gaelic, he found it interesting that traditional Gaelic doesn't have a possessive. When he told me that, my first response was "Well, there's a people ripe for exploitation." I seem to recall that many aboriginal languages (Native American and tribal African) also don't have a possessive form or a concept of entitlement. I was wondering if the same thing applied to Hebrew - for obvious reasons.

[RubinCompServ]

:confused: ...Still, from what I recall, adding an "eee" sound makes something possesive.

Rubin, hook me up here....

There are, indeed, possessive forms of words, and the rules governing them are a pain in the tuches to learn. :)

[LtMarvel]

The other week the Daily Show ran a segment about Jewish women's wigs. Is there some sort of Jewish preference for wigs for women?

[Typo Lad]

The other week the Daily Show ran a segment about Jewish women's wigs. Is there some sort of Jewish preference for wigs for women?

My thread LIVES!

Yeah, there is. There's this wole thing now about Indian Hair. Apprantly, some of the hair was supplied via a religious ritual. Jews cannot use anything that was used to serve other gods, so it's this big contraversy.

Oh, and earlier, Nicole asked about the tiny critters in NY's water supply. Well, the Orthodox Union has decreed that they are in fact, alive. Ew. So water can be non-Kosher now.

[i_mmmchocolate]

Why is Wesley Kosher so expensive?


He he.

[Typo Lad]

Why is Wesley Kosher so expensive?

He he.

Because Monsey has a fairly high cost of living, even for NY, and Kosher food is always a tad more expensive.

Oh, and Marvel, can I get the date of that episode?

[i_mmmchocolate]

Okay here's another for you, now that I think about it:

When my parents were still living 10 minutes away from Wesley Kosher, it was a predominately Jewish neighborhood.

Before we moved, there was, what looked to be a parade. Music and everything. It looked like they were carrying a Torah, a flag (I didn't recognize)...as the parade progressed down the street, people would come out of their homes and join in.

They eventually ended up two houses away from mine.

What was that about?

[Typo Lad]

Okay here's another for you, now that I think about it:

When my parents were still living 10 minutes away from Wesley Kosher, it was a predominately Jewish neighborhood.

What, it's not still?


Before we moved, there was, what looked to be a parade. Music and everything. It looked like they were carrying a Torah, a flag (I didn't recognize)...as the parade progressed down the street, people would come out of their homes and join in.

They eventually ended up two houses away from mine.

What was that about?

Hmm. Could have been Lots of things, a holiday known as Simchat Torah, or the celebration of a New Torah being written.

[DarkBlade]

... there's a new Torah?

[Typo Lad]

Not the content Deeb, the container. A newly written scroll. It's a big deal.

[StoneGold]

New as in the construction is new, not the words.

Blast, slow on the draw. Ya got me marshal!

[jessecuster]

That's great I actually never knew that, I was taught Simchat Torah was when you finished reading the Torah and started it again.

[Typo Lad]

It is, it is. I am being unclear. it was most likely EITHER Simchat Torah OR they were celebrating writing a new Scoll.

[fly on the wall]

Here's a question for Ask the Jew:

tries to think of a question

Got it!

Have you really never eaten a cheeseburger?

[Typo Lad]

Here's a question for Ask the Jew:

tries to think of a question

Got it!

Have you really never eaten a cheeseburger?

I've had a soyburger with cheese. That is the closest I've come.

[fly on the wall]

I've had a soyburger with cheese. That is the closest I've come.

Wow!!

You're one hard-boiled hebrew for sure.

Now, could you have a cheeseburger if it was made out of Goat cheese? Because that's not boiling the child in the milk of the mother since Goats are the mothers of cows.

[Typo Lad]

Wow!!

You're one hard-boiled hebrew for sure.

Now, could you have a cheeseburger if it was made out of Goat cheese? Because that's not boiling the child in the milk of the mother since Goats are the mothers of cows.

No. You can't mix meat and Dairy. No matter what animal it is.

[LtMarvel]

Sorry, Morts, I watch the Daily Show 4x a week, and unless the segment is tied to a current event, I rarely remember what day or date the segment occured. I can only tell you the show was 2-3 weeks ago.

Why do Jewish women wear wigs in the first place?

[Typo Lad]

Complex and odd (I freely admit it) modesty laws.

Basically, the hair is like, the sexiest part of a woman. So when a woman marries, she covers her hair except in front of her husband (some say her family as well) and other women. The wig thing is relativly recent. Me, I'm of the opinion that if your wig looks so real that no-one can tell, what's the point.

Different people enact this this in different ways. Some women only cover thier hair during services or on holidays.

Suzannah and I actually talk about this toipic a lot. She washes and "sets" Sheitels (translation: wigs) on the side. She has these amazing wigs that looks just like her hair. JUST LIKE. You can't tell. So as I said above, what's the point?

She agrees. Her opinion is that, just because men find her hair sexy doesn't mean she should have to cover it. Rather, men should learn to control thier desires and deal with it. I wholeheartedly agree. This is why, should we move to Memphis, Suzannah will stop covering her hair except on Holidays, etc, out of respect. She can't do it up here because of nosy gossips who butt into our lives. And some of them aren't even related to us.

[I Must Break U]

Are Jewish people considred as a nation? Do all of them consider themselves to be "God's chosen people"?

[Typo Lad]

Are Jewish people considred as a nation?

Depends who you ask. I myself see Judiasm in three ways. It's a race, religion, and lifestyle. Some people only choose one or the other.

And let me ask, by what do you mean when you say a "nation"? Aside from Catholasism and the Vatican, I can't think of any religion or race that has is an actual "nation".

If you mean do I consider being Jewish a nationality....no, no I do not. I am American and my religion/race is that of a Jew. However, there are those who belive "Israeli" should automatically equal "Jew". I equate that mindset with thinking that German=Aryan.

Do all of them consider themselves to be "God's chosen people"?

Well, I can only speak for myself...but yes, I do. Except, to me, that's not as pompus as it may sound. Because I don't see "Chosen People" as "Specially Annointed Ones". I see it as being the kid that the teacher puts through living hell because the teacher expects the kid to "live up to his potential".

Attempted genocide, it builds character.

[Davideaux]

What's Jewish cuisine like?

[I Must Break U]

Do jews really dominate all of media? Have you ever heard of every food having to be blessed by a rabbi in order to make it kosher?

[Typo Lad]

What's Jewish cuisine like?

There is, in my opinion, little quintisentially "Jewish" cuisine. The few dishes that spring to mind are:

1. Chulent. A beef stew. There are countless variations of this crock-pot recepie. The most basic is a hog-podge of meat, potatoes, beans, barley, onion, and assorted spices. This dish is usually prepared in a crockpot and left on once Sabbath starts, as you cannot cook on Shabbos itself. I hate the most basic version. Our own Rallura has a sweet tooth for Chulent, and for our next entry:

2. Challah. Again, lots of variation. It's a kind of bread.

3. Kishke. Stuffed intestin. They use a fake intestin now, and I don't know what it's stuffed with, but you can't get me NEAR it.

4. Knish. A perogie, basically.

5. Kreplach. Think wan-ton.

6. Gefilta Fish. Evil. Not worth discussing.

That about covers it.

However, Jews are definatly "foodies". You can find Kosher versions of literally any type of Cuisine. There are several very, very good Kosher French and Italian places in New York City. There are also some fairly bad (and good, but it's hard to find) Chinese places, and at least one amazing Japanese resteraunt. There's even one of those places where you pay an ungodly amount of money for itty bitty potions. "new-vel" cuisine? I forgot the spelling.

So basically, we don't have much cuisine of our own, but since we're dispirssed amongst the nations, well, I'll have what he's having.

(Unless, of course, it's meat and cheese, but that'd kill a cute line)

[Typo Lad]

Do jews really dominate all of media?

HAH. I wish. Not hardly. It's a myth. Just a myth. There are a large number of Jews in the entertainment biz though. However, most of the people who get involved in it tend to leave the faith (with the notable exception of LA Law and Mission Impossible's Steven Hill) . For example, the closest Jerry Seinfeld or Henry Winkler probably get to a Religious Service of any kind is their checkbooks on the High Holidays. I shouldn't complain though. They're NICE checkbooks.

Have you ever heard of every food having to be blessed by a rabbi in order to make it kosher?

We covered this at the start of the thread. Yeah, I've heard of it. It's horse-manure. Kosher has nothing to do with anything getting "blessed" by anyone. It's a dietery code. Specially trained individuals, who may or may not be ordained Rabbis, supervise products to make sure that they are within these codes. These individuals are called Mashkichim.

Not just food has to be Kosher. The utensils also have special laws. This is why you will sometimes see Kosher Certification symbols on products such as plastic bags, or even cleansers like "Ajax" or "Comet".

[Typo Lad]

Here is the original post on Kosher, so you don't have to scroll back.

Ouch. Start with a hard one, why don’t you?

The concept of Kashrut stems from a chapter of the Bible where G-d lists certain animals that are forbidden to eat and which are ok. Like, only fish with fins and scales, and the scales have to be the kind that flakes off easily. Or only mammals that chew their cud and have fully cleft hooves. And no lizards or other “creeping things”. In fact, with birds there’s only certain ones allowed, and a lot of translations have been lost. Heck, some Jews won’t eat Turkey.

There’s a misconception that non-Kosher food is somehow “unclean”. It’s not. I’m sure that ham hock is yummy as all get out. However, I have this code of conduct from G-d and he says I can’t eat it, still, enjoy.

There’s also a misconception that Kosher means “blessed by a Rabbi”. Nah. However, it is watched by one. Kosher animals have to be raised under certain conditions and slaughtered a certain way. Kosher processed foods have to have ONLY Kosher ingredients. So you can rest assured that there’s no lard in your Oreos anymore. The “watch-rabbis” who do this are called “Mashgichim”.

Different people keep different levels of Kosher or “Kashrut”. There are organizations of Mashgichim that certify certain brands. For example…if you see a U in an O on a box, that food is certified kosher from the Union of Orthodox Congregations. A K in a Star is Star K Labs. There are many suck places.

Did I miss anything?

---

And yeah, you spelled Kosher right.

---

Also, a note that I am not a Rabbi of any kind and this is all layman’s knowledge and stuff.

[i_mmmchocolate]

What's your favorite rugelach filling?

[Typo Lad]

Rugelah! I forgot Rugelach!

Fresh chocolate ones rock. But only fresh. In the bags, cinimmmmmmmmon. YEAH.

[i_mmmchocolate]

Me too, chocolate is the best.

Mmmmm.. rugelach. I'm going to Bubba's today. I can't take it anymore!

T

[Rallura]

STOP IT! STOP IT! I am at work, and there's no decent challah up here anyway, only tam tams.....

[Typo Lad]

I'm sorry, but you need to phrase it in the form of a question...

Seriously though, did you already eat the ones I gave you?

[Rallura]

I shared it with some friends, like an idiot. Now it's all gone.

[Typo Lad]

I shared it with some friends, like an idiot. Now it's all gone.

Well then, the next time you are in Albany go to:

Leo's Bakery
28 Maple (Quail & New Scot), Albany
518 482-7902
Supervision by the Vaad of Capitol District


Now, for those who are interested in a pretty neat list of almost every Kosher eatery in the State of NY, check here:

http://nachas.org/BethYehuda/kosher.html

[fly on the wall]

Do jews really dominate all of media?

What sort of a poster would ask such a question?

Having 'started something' fly stepped back to watch the fun.

[Patient Boy]

HAH. I wish. Not hardly. It's a myth. Just a myth. There are a large number of Jews in the entertainment biz though. However, most of the people who get involved in it tend to leave the faith (with the notable exception of LA Law and Mission Impossible's Steven Hill) . For example, the closest Jerry Seinfeld or Henry Winkler probably get to a Religious Service of any kind is their checkbooks on the High Holidays. I shouldn't complain though. They're NICE checkbooks.

The Fonz is Jewish???

[fly on the wall]

No. You can't mix meat and Dairy. No matter what animal it is.

But but but...

If it's boiling the baby in the milk of something that isn't it's mother, then you oughta be able to.

What ever happened to the sanctity of the 'loophole'?

[Ronald Bryan]

The Fonz is Jewish???
Your homework is to listen to "The Chanukah Song" by Adam Sandler.

[Typo Lad]

Your homework is to listen to "The Chanukah Song" by Adam Sandler.

While I hate that song, it's a very good tool for learning who some Jewish Celebs are.

[Typo Lad]

But but but...

If it's boiling the baby in the milk of something that isn't it's mother, then you oughta be able to.

What ever happened to the sanctity of the 'loophole'?

They're seperate comandments. As I recall, the kid/mother's milk one was given prior to Sinai.

Rubes? Help me out here.

[Typo Lad]

What sort of a poster would ask such a question?

Having 'started something' fly stepped back to watch the fun.

Well, considering that plenty of people out there really belive this, then I would say...a normal human one?

Shoo fly, this is a peaceful thread.

[StoneGold]

Depends who you ask. I myself see Judiasm in three ways. It's a race, religion, and lifestyle. Some people only choose one or the other.


Less race, more ethnic group. Because Jews don't share racial characteristics. Too many Jews from too many racial backgrounds. However, there is a relative shared ethnicity. And even that is somewhat divided. An Ethiopian Jew is not necesarily going to find bagels and lox a comfort food.


Sorry. Jewish Studies class talking. I got a decent grade in the class too, mostly for a term paper which basically said what Kavalier and Klay said in prose.

[Typo Lad]

Less race, more ethnic group. Because Jews don't share racial characteristics. Too many Jews from too many racial backgrounds. However, there is a relative shared ethnicity. And even that is somewhat divided. An Ethiopian Jew is not necesarily going to find bagels and lox a comfort food.


Sorry. Jewish Studies class talking. I got a decent grade in the class too, mostly for a term paper which basically said what Kavalier and Klay said in prose.


True, but there are certain "racial" caracteristics, like a genetic test for the Preistly cast, that IS found in Ehtiopian Jews, Sephardic Jews, etc.

[Patient Boy]

True, but there are certain "racial" caracteristics, like a genetic test for the Preistly cast, that IS found in Ehtiopian Jews, Sephardic Jews, etc.

?

Could you explain that please?

[fly on the wall]

True, but there are certain "racial" caracteristics, like a genetic test for the Preistly cast, that IS found in Ehtiopian Jews, Sephardic Jews, etc.

Duh.....

But what did they do back before they had the genetic test, Mr. Wizard?

[Typo Lad]

?

Could you explain that please?

There is a gene difference that is found in dedendents of Aaron.

[Typo Lad]

Duh.....

But what did they do back before they had the genetic test, Mr. Wizard?

Mostly, we stayed home, killing flies.

Except on the Sabbath, of course.

[jessecuster]

They actually found DNA tracing all the way back to Moses and were able to determine that only Cohains (the Priestly ones) have this specific DNA structure. They even went further and found an African tribe outside the Diaspora(as far as Jewish people traveled in history) who they saw were practicing traditions similar to Judaism and when the di dthe DNA test they found that some of them were indeed Cohains.


Mort's you ever go to Abigael's (on Broadway I believe) I have the owner's cookbook and its great, but I went and ate there and it was way overpriced and not so good.

[Typo Lad]

Mort's you ever go to Abigael's (on Broadway I believe) I have the owner's cookbook and its great, but I went and ate there and it was way overpriced and not so good.

Several times, and I loved it.

Edit:

I suppose it depends on what you order. I loved the steak, myself. Suzannah was not enthused with the chicken.

[jessecuster]

all we had was some kind of egg rolls and they were gross, howveer I love all of his recipes in his book.

[RubinCompServ]

3. Kishke. Stuffed intestin. They use a fake intestin now, and I don't know what it's stuffed with, but you can't get me NEAR it.


You haven't lived until you've had REAL Kishke :)

[RubinCompServ]

They even went further and found an African tribe outside the Diaspora(as far as Jewish people traveled in history) who they saw were practicing traditions similar to Judaism and when the di dthe DNA test they found that some of them were indeed Cohains.

At this juncture, I need to point out that while the priesthood is via patrilineal descent (from the father), the religion comes (according to Orthodox belief) from matrilineal descent (from the mother); so while members of this tribe may be able to be traced back to Aaron, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're Jewish.

[RubinCompServ]

But but but...

If it's boiling the baby in the milk of something that isn't it's mother, then you oughta be able to.

What ever happened to the sanctity of the 'loophole'?

They're seperate comandments. As I recall, the kid/mother's milk one was given prior to Sinai.

Rubes? Help me out here.


The Torah is not the be all and end all of Jewish Law. The Sages were given 13 methods of exegesis by which they may learn new laws not sepcifically stated, as well as permission to create new laws (under certain circumstances). As a matter of fact, one of the statements in Ethics of Our Fathers is "...and create a fence around the Torah...", which means to be more strict than the letter of the law, so as not to accidentally violate anything. One of the laws that the Sages instituted, and I don't know in which of the above categories it fits (although I believe that it was exegesis from a different verse), was not to mix meat and dairy in any case.

[Valmore]

Okay, forgive me if you've answered this before, but I lack the patience to read through 404 posts.

I noticed you typed "God" as "G-d." In that link you gave me, the typist also typed it the same way. Why is that?

[Typo Lad]

Okay, forgive me if you've answered this before, but I lack the patience to read through 404 posts.

I can't blame you. I'd forgotten how big this was!

I noticed you typed "God" as "G-d." In that link you gave me, the typist also typed it the same way. Why is that?

It's because Orthodox Jews (and some other denominations) are taught not to write the name of HaShem (Lit: The Name - the only real acceptible way to write G-d's name on a secular document). Since some feel that with the "o" G-d is essentially English for the Divine Name, they do not write it. Instead, we put the dash. Same with L-rd.

When talking about mythological gods, I will include the o and type the g in lower case. When talking about Jesus, I avoid using the term altogether so as not to offend.

[Nate C.]

Morts,

I just noticed this thread and read the first four pages.

If I get to the end and still have questions, are you still answering?

Nate.

[west3man]

Morts,

I just noticed this thread and read the first four pages.

If I get to the end and still have questions, are you still answering?

Nate.
Next time read the first 3 pages... and the last one. :p

[Nate C.]

Next time read the first 3 pages... and the last one. :p

kinda lame, huh? :p

[Typo Lad]

Morts,

I just noticed this thread and read the first four pages.

If I get to the end and still have questions, are you still answering?

Nate.

For you, mon petite, sure.

I'm actually re-reading this today. There was some good stuff in here!

[west3man]

There was some good stuff in here!
I wish you guys would quit saying stuff like this that makes me wanna say... other (PG-13) stuff.

[Pinball]

It's because Orthodox Jews (and some other denominations) are taught not to write the name of HaShem (Lit: The Name - the only real acceptible way to write G-d's name on a secular document). Since some feel that with the "o" G-d is essentially English for the Divine Name, they do not write it. Instead, we put the dash. Same with L-rd.

When talking about mythological gods, I will include the o and type the g in lower case. When talking about Jesus, I avoid using the term altogether so as not to offend.

Maybe you could do like the Knights of the Dinner Table do and spell it "Gawd" :)

Anyway, i've been wondering about this one particular thing for years: MAD Magazine had a "Dog Day Afternoon" parody, and when it's revealed that main character Sonny, the bank robber, has a boyfriend, one of the extras says "That's funny, he doesn't look Jewish."

I realize that several of the MAD contributors were Jewish, so i don't think this was meant in malice - but where did that stereotype come from?

[Typo Lad]

NO idea.

Hnh.

[Tages]

Morts,

I asked this question on another thread and you said you didn't feel like discussing it. In case you've changed your mind, I was wondering about the Noahide Laws and specifically how they relate to other faiths.

If you don't want to respond I'll understand perfectly.

[Typo Lad]

Morts,

I asked this question on another thread and you said you didn't feel like discussing it. In case you've changed your mind, I was wondering about the Noahide Laws and specifically how they relate to other faiths.

If you don't want to respond I'll understand perfectly.

It's on like page 20 of this.

Basically, anyone who isn't Jewish who follows who follows those 7 is good to go. We have 613....some of which are impossible to fullfil due to there being no Temple.

Sigh.

You guys got it EASY.

[west3man]

Maybe you could do like the Knights of the Dinner Table do and spell it "Gawd" :)

Anyway, i've been wondering about this one particular thing for years: MAD Magazine had a "Dog Day Afternoon" parody, and when it's revealed that main character Sonny, the bank robber, has a boyfriend, one of the extras says "That's funny, he doesn't look Jewish."

I realize that several of the MAD contributors were Jewish, so i don't think this was meant in malice - but where did that stereotype come from?
Before I worry about where it comes from, I'd like to know what it is.

:confused:

There's a stereotype regarding Jews and, what,... gay men or something?

[Tages]

It's on like page 20 of this.
I'm on 40 posts a page. "Page 20" is Hebrew to me.

[Typo Lad]

I'm on 40 posts a page. "Page 20" is Hebrew to me.

No...

Esriym, would be hebrew.

[west3man]

I'm on 40 posts a page. "Page 20" is Hebrew to me.
What about the search function?

http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showpost.php?p=122111&postcount=342

In case, you don't find it user-friendly, that's post #342. In case you wanna look at the whole page or whatever.

[Pinball]

:confused:

It seemed to be saying that Jewish men have a tendency to be gay.

Maybe it has something to do with their moms, i dunno.

[Super Hero Guy]

Ok Morts, if you were suddenly given the opportunity to live in Israel, with housing and work in whatever field you are in available, and of course your family can come, would you do it?

[Tages]

Now I'm seriously wondering if I fit the Noahide requirements. This will require further study.

[Wesley Dodds]

Dear Jew,

Did you know Australia offered your people land in West Australia?

And you have to go for the Middle East instead. Oiy.

[Typo Lad]

Ok Morts, if you were suddenly given the opportunity to live in Israel, with housing and work in whatever field you are in available, and of course your family can come, would you do it?

Good question!

I fervently believe that the State of Israel and the Land of Israel are two different things.

If I could live in a Sate of Israel at peace, I would.

If I could not, I would wait until the Messiah came and live in a Land of Israel at peace.

[Typo Lad]

Now I'm seriously wondering if I fit the Noahide requirements. This will require further study.

Google is your friend.

[Typo Lad]

Dear Jew,

Did you know Australia offered your people land in West Australia?

And you have to go for the Middle East instead. Oiy.

Well, you see, it says in Numbers that Australia is an Abomination in the Eyes of the L-rd.

Okay, not really.

You serious? I didn't know this.

Not that it would matter, because it wouldn't be Israel.

Not that the State of Israel is Israel either...

[DarkBlade]

Okay... looking at that linked page of kosher info stuff....

If i'm using either new utensils and such, or stuff that I've cleaned uber hot and haven't crossed meat/dairy with, and self cleaned the oven and waited a day or x amount of time for that whole meat/dairy thing too, and only use approved ingredients....

Does something I cook/bake/make then count as kosher food? I thought you said something once that a jewish person has to light the flame or somesuch. Does it count if I borrow a jew to come turn my oven on? Does that apply to using a suncooker?

Did I just miss the point entirely?

[Typo Lad]

Okay... looking at that linked page of kosher info stuff....

If i'm using either new utensils and such, or stuff that I've cleaned uber hot and haven't crossed meat/dairy with, and self cleaned the oven and waited a day or x amount of time for that whole meat/dairy thing too, and only use approved ingredients....

Does something I cook/bake/make then count as kosher food? I thought you said something once that a jewish person has to light the flame or somesuch. Does it count if I borrow a jew to come turn my oven on?

Then...and remember I am NOT a Rabbi, nor do I play one on TV...you should be good.

Does that apply to using a suncooker?

A who with the what now?

Did I just miss the point entirely?

Did I?

[Michael P]

Does it count if I borrow a jew to come turn my oven on?
I'm not looking to get bokkened or anything, but this cracked me up. "Borrow a Jew."

"Hey, Ms. Rabinowitz, do you have a cup of sugar?"

"Certainly, Harry. Here you go. Anything else you need?"

"Yeah, can I borrow a Jew for just a minute?"

"Of course. Be sure to bring him back before sundown, though. It's Friday."

"No prob, Mrs. R."

[Typo Lad]

Michael, I would like to congatulate you on honestly makes me laugh out loud.

[Michael P]

What's sad is, as soon as I posted it, I realized I missed a great opportunity to make a usury joke.

[west3man]

Now I'm seriously wondering if I fit the Noahide requirements. This will require further study.
Hel-LOOOOOO!!!Okay... looking at that linked page of kosher info stuff....
Okay. SOMEone CAN see me.

Oh crap. *quickly puts clothes back on*
-------------------
Gotta conclude that certain folks have got me on ignore.

*practices acceptance*

[DarkBlade]

Yes. And you might want to find some shorts if you'd like to continue fighting crime today.

[Wesley Dodds]

Hey, Morts, why is this thread different from all other threads? :p

[Typo Lad]

Yes. And you might want to find some shorts if you'd like to continue fighting crime today.

My second LOL of the day.

I wuv you guys...

[Typo Lad]

Hey, Morts, why is this thread different from all other threads? :p

"So the children will ask."

That, for those who do not know, is the boilerplate ansswer for why we do anything at the Seder.

[Typo Lad]

What's sad is, as soon as I posted it, I realized I missed a great opportunity to make a usury joke.

Now, now.

Jews are not allowed to charge interest.

And no, you can't borrow $50.

Actually, Jews aren't allowed to charge other Jews interest. The nations of the world are, however, fair game.

hey, I think I just figured out how we got that money-grubbing rep...

[DarkBlade]

So I would have to have someone turn the oven on?

*considers getting to know her neighbors better.*

Re: Suncooker

Basically, I mean any method of cooking that doesn't use a created flame, but instead involves setting it outside to use the heat of the sun. Usually requires a dark pot or pan, and often times it is placed in a box lined with reflective foil to concentrate the heat. I've baked cookies in one before. No wires, no flames, none of that.

[DarkBlade]

My second LOL of the day.

I wuv you guys...
w00! Success. ^_^

[west3man]

Yes. And you might want to find some shorts if you'd like to continue fighting crime today.
:(

*snf* *kicks rock*

[DarkBlade]

:(

*snf* *kicks rock*
I wouldn't do that, the man looks pretty buff..

[Typo Lad]

So I would have to have someone turn the oven on?

Yeah, but think of all the additional work to do. What Jew's worth that kind of back-breaking?

*considers getting to know her neighbors better.*

Always a good thing.

Re: Suncooker

Basically, I mean any method of cooking that doesn't use a created flame, but instead involves setting it outside to use the heat of the sun. Usually requires a dark pot or pan, and often times it is placed in a box lined with reflective foil to concentrate the heat. I've baked cookies in one before. No wires, no flames, none of that.

Ah! The old Hot dog cooked over a mirror job, basically.

I don't know. You'd need to ask a rabbi.

[DarkBlade]

Yeah, but think of all the additional work to do. What Jew's worth that kind of back-breaking?

Well, let me see....



Always a good thing.

Particularly if it meant they'd not bang around at 1am...


Ah! The old Hot dog cooked over a mirror job, basically.

Yes!

I don't know. You'd need to ask a rabbi.

Boogers. I don't know any rabbis.

I suppose I could look up the local orthodox temple and call or something? I wonder how often they get that sort of question...

[jessecuster]

Dear Jew,

Did you know Australia offered your people land in West Australia?

And you have to go for the Middle East instead. Oiy.

That was only one of the places that was offered, they were also offered some land in South America but at the end of the day staying somehwat close to history became the most important thing. There was guy who was instrumental in this but I am totally blanking on his name Hugh or Hugo or something like that, I will correct when I get home.

[Typo Lad]

There was also the small matter of saying "No, you can't go to your actual homeland... here, have a substitue. Do you like Kangaroos?"

[Paul McEnery]

Now I'm seriously wondering if I fit the Noahide requirements. This will require further study.
No, but you fit the Naugahyde requirements.

[Puma]

There was also the small matter of saying "No, you can't go to your actual homeland... here, have a substitue. Do you like Kangaroos?"

makes me wonder where marsupials fall into the Jewish dietary guidelines

[Paul McEnery]

makes me wonder where marsupials fall into the Jewish dietary guidelines
You cannot boil a roo in it's mother's pouch.

Leviticus 10:23.

(Which makes me wonder: how does Ian Gould feel about shrimp on the barbie?)

[Typo Lad]

makes me wonder where marsupials fall into the Jewish dietary guidelines

No split hooves and no cud chewing.

Baby Joey is safe.

[Puma]

You cannot boil a roo in it's mother's pouch.

Leviticus 10:23.

(Which makes me wonder: how does Ian Gould feel about shrimp on the barbie?)
shellfish, definite no-no


and one reason, not the biggest but one reason, why I will never embrace Judaism

[Super Hero Guy]

Ok, do microwaves still fit into all the same kosher rules?

And if I follow all of the Noahide laws except the kosher one, what are my chances of making it into heaven?

What exactly do you believe will happen concerning the Messiah?

[Tom]

Dear Jew,

Gefilte fish. Explain.

Fondly,
Gay

[MacQuarrie]

makes me wonder where marsupials fall into the Jewish dietary guidelines

I believe they are ruminants (chew cud) but they don't have hoofs of any kind, so it's a no go. No wallaby, no kangaroo, no platypus, no koala, no lemur.

However, giraffes are kosher.

[Typo Lad]

Ok, do microwaves still fit into all the same kosher rules?

Complicated. Depends who you ask. Some say you have to have two seperate ones.

However, if you double wrap your food, you can use it in any microwave (According to the Orthodox Union. YMMV).

And if I follow all of the Noahide laws except the kosher one, what are my chances of making it into heaven?

Don't look at me, I don't make the rules.

What exactly do you believe will happen concerning the Messiah?

Something beyond my abilities to comprehend.

No, seriously, as I say earlier in this thread, I have not made an extensive study of Messianic lore, so I am uncomfortable answering this one.

[Typo Lad]

Dear Jew,

Gefilte fish. Explain.

Fondly,
Gay

Dear Gay,

Some people are just sick, I suppose. I see now reason to take a perfectly good Carp and make fishburger of it, then coat it in nasty jellies.

Yours,
Jew.

[Typo Lad]

I believe they are ruminants (chew cud) but they don't have hoofs of any kind, so it's a no go. No wallaby, no kangaroo, no platypus, no koala, no lemur.

That reminds me, you have GOT to read this book (http://zootorah.com/hyrax/mainframe.htm). It's all about animals with one Kosher sign and the laws of Kashrut in light of modern Zoological science. Some places have banned the book. A first edition can go for around $300.

However, giraffes are kosher.

Good luck finding someone with a Mesorah (tradition) on how to slaughter them though!

Then again... used to say that about Bison.

Mmm... Ta-tonka...

[jessecuster]

eww you eat the Jelled ones ?!?!?!

It all about the liquid broth for me, then slather each bit in horseradish and then it delicious.

[Typo Lad]

eww you eat the Jelled ones ?!?!?!

It all about the liquid broth for me, then slather each bit in horseradish and then it delicious.

I don't eat ANY form of Gefilta Fish. I find it to be an abomination.

[Dreadstar]

No split hooves and no cud chewing.

Waitaminute... That covers beef.

I'm confused, I thought beef was OK.

EDIT:

Nevermind, you meant those as *requirements*, didn't you?

[Typo Lad]

Waitaminute... That covers beef.

I'm confused, I thought beef was OK.

Right. Because they would be yes.

Kangaroos and other marsupials are "no".

Follow?

And beef is beyond okay.

[Super Hero Guy]

So, what do you REALLY think about Christianity. Be honest, no Political Correctness!

And, not to be offensive, but why does G-d care so much about what we eat?

[Wesley Dodds]

Gefilte fish. Explain.

My grandmother makes us that. Yum!

[Tom]

When I was in high school, I worked for Sid Klein at his eponymous Deli. Rarely being one to turn down free food, this little Irish Catholic boy had more than his share of kugel, hamentaschen, latkes, borscht, matzoh ball soup, more bagels, macaroons and good rye bread than you can shake a crucifix at and, on one and only one occasion, gefilte fish.

You could have had me except for the fish.

[Tages]

Google is your friend.
No, I know what they are. I was talking more about soul-searching and the like.

[Wesley Dodds]

You could have had me except for the fish.

You had me at Kugel?

[Tages]

No, but you fit the Naugahyde requirements.
That's good to know.

[Typo Lad]

When I was in high school, I worked for Sid Klein at his eponymous Deli. Rarely being one to turn down free food, this little Irish Catholic boy had more than his share of kugel, hamentaschen, latkes, borscht, matzoh ball soup, more bagels, macaroons and good rye bread than you can shake a crucifix at and, on one and only one occasion, gefilte fish.

You could have had me except for the fish.

When that horrid monstrosity of food is served, no matter where we are, I politely excuse myself from the table and do not come back until it is gone.

So I understand what you mean.

We could have had Tom?

CURSE YOU GEFILTE FISH!!!

[Typo Lad]

So, what do you REALLY think about Christianity. Be honest, no Political Correctness!

I've spoken about how Christianity several times in this thread. I think that if people actually kept it's precepts, the world would be a nice place.

Case in point, Jim MacQuarrie.

And, not to be offensive, but why does G-d care so much about what we eat?

This is hard to put into words.

This of it this way:

That apple you're about to eat? G-d made that. He created an amazing, self perpetuating system of food. So by making a blessing, you are acknowledging that and thanking him.

The world belongs to G-d. We're just borrowing it. Therefor, if he wants to set some ground rules, that's cool with me.

[MacQuarrie]

I've spoken about how Christianity several times in this thread. I think that if people actually kept it's precepts, the world would be a nice place.

Case in point, Jim MacQuarrie.
Except when I'm going off about J-Bolt.

[Tages]

Except when I'm going off about J-Bolt.
OK, Wes mentioned this J-Bolt person on the Movie Guy thread and I just did a quick search. All I found is that plenty of people think he was nuts.

Apparently I'm not getting the whole picture.

[i_mmmchocolate]

What's your favorite kosher deli in Rockland/Westchester County?

(Excluding Bubba's, which we all know and love, at least I do!)

[Tom]

When that horrid monstrosity of food is served, no matter where we are, I politely excuse myself from the table and do not come back until it is gone.

Do they put the little carrot slice on top or was that just at my deli? That always cracked me up. Like it distracted from the gelatinous grey shitcake.

[Winslow]

What does the term "cultural" Jew mean?

[Typo Lad]

Do they put the little carrot slice on top or was that just at my deli? That always cracked me up. Like it distracted from the gelatinous grey shitcake.

Everywhere.

Shudder.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Morts, is it true that the average penis length for Jewish men is 13"?

[west3man]

Morts, is it true that the average penis length for Jewish men is 13"?
Thirteen open-quotation marks?

Anti-semite!

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Thirteen open-quotation marks?

Anti-semite!

Heh. Good one, West!

[MacQuarrie]

OK, Wes mentioned this J-Bolt person on the Movie Guy thread and I just did a quick search. All I found is that plenty of people think he was nuts.

Apparently I'm not getting the whole picture.
Run while you can. The enormity of the psychosis that is J-Bolt is impossible to describe. It will suck you in and damage your brain. Don't go there.

But if you must, start here: http://www.monkeyspit.net/rantman/jbolt.php

We now return to "Ask the Jew" now in progress.

[venuscameback]

If I understand correctly - and I know this is a rough interpretation and probably not 100% accurate in the adjectives - Lilith was Adam's first wife, before Eve, who was sacked for being too independent/forthright

What happened to Lilith after the 'divorce'?


Also a classic old testament conundrum for you (I'm curious to see how Judaism answers this old chestnut, to see if it's any different from the Christian naswers I've heard):

God makes Adam and Eve.

Eve births Cain and Abel and perhaps other children.

How does the Earth then get populated without any incest?


venus

[MacQuarrie]

Hey Morts, can the goy take a whack at these?
If I understand correctly - and I know this is a rough interpretation and probably not 100% accurate in the adjectives - Lilith was Adam's first wife, before Eve, who was sacked for being too independent/forthright

What happened to Lilith after the 'divorce'?
Lilith is not biblical, nor even part of the apocypha. She is at best folklore, though I seem to recall that she was actually an invention from some nastly little anti-semitic tract from a few hundred years ago. Only fringe New Agey types pay her any attention at all. She's not par tof any jewish or christian tradition as far as I know.

Also a classic old testament conundrum for you (I'm curious to see how Judaism answers this old chestnut, to see if it's any different from the Christian naswers I've heard):

God makes Adam and Eve.

Eve births Cain and Abel and perhaps other children.

How does the Earth then get populated without any incest?


venus
Incest was not prohibited until Moses.

Try this scenario:

God makes Adam, a genetically perfect specimen (no recessive or dominant genes).
God puts Adam into an induced coma, and extracts a rib.
God uses stem cells from the marrow to gather sufficent DNA.
God alters the Y chromosome and produces a female clone of Adam.
Adam and Eve crank out the babies for about 900 years, of which Abel, Cain and Seth are the only ones named in the texts.

Over the course of those years, their children marry amongst themselves and reproduce like crazy, given the multi-century lifespans that were possible before massive amounts of radiation began buffeting the earth from a supernova in the Horseshoe Nebula (3/4 of all cosmic radiation hitting earth comes from this source, and it is believed to be the primary cause of the cellular breakdown that causes aging).

This is not a big deal, because it will take many generations for the genetic effects of incest to begin to manifest.

By the time Cain gets around to killing Abel, a lot of cities have sprung up, including Nod, to the east of Eden.

That's my understanding of it, anyway....

[Typo Lad]

Morts, is it true that the average penis length for Jewish men is 13"?

Tumesc or flaccid?

[Typo Lad]

Hey Morts, can the goy take a whack at these?

Gp for it, sport.

Lilith is not biblical, nor even part of the apocypha.

Correct. She's about as real as the Elders of Zion.

She is at best folklore, though I seem to recall that she was actually an invention from some nastly little anti-semitic tract from a few hundred years ago. On