The Traitor Game: The Fan Fiction

[Beast Boy Modified]

I was sitting in my chair while Deadpooligan was probably drawing the custom characters the players have created. So, I felt that in order to stand out from the crowd, I need to contribute something, too. So, with my greatest pleasure, may I present, The Traitor Game: The Fan Fiction!

A mysterious time rift has brought together thirteen unique individuals to an isolated, undisclosed area, with the beings being,

The Shade,

the mental Ambush Bug of The Uh-oh Squad,

the demon hunter, John Constantine,

the founder of the X-Men mutants, Professor Xavier,

one of the members of the X-Men, the laser-shooting Cyclops,

one of the founding members of the Doom Patrol, Robotman,

the dark crusader, Batman,

the feminine side of Spidey, Spider-Woman, who has no relations to the friendly neighborhood whatsoever,

the bouncy Bouncing Boy of the Legion of Super-Heroes,

Amahl Farouk, the Shadow King of the Gladiators,

the law enforcement officer, Judge Dredd of Mega-City One Justice Department,

Johnny Alpha, and last but not least,

the alien from the planet Czarnia, Lobo of L.E.G.I.O.N.

The heroes and villains alike surveyed their surroundings, wondering how the hell they arrived in the poorly decorated dump.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the one who had brought them together appeared. It was the Beyonder! The Beyonder had informed them that there was someone among their number who had agreed to eliminate everybody. If that person would be successful, then they would receive unimaginable power.

The Beyonder let the group know that their mission was to scope out the traitor and banish him or her into Limbo. Also, the Beyonder informed everyone that there was someone in the group who was working undercover for the organization known as SHIELD, and would assist in trying to find the traitor without revealing themselves.

Hours passed, and the traitor struck! One axe to the back of the head later, and the Shadow King was the first to fall at the hands of the traitor!

Things were moving too fast. The 'players' had no time to react. However, they knew that they could not let that, 'traitor', get all the possibly enormous amount of power, especially after murdering a super-villain and planning to kill them off one by one!

"Suicide!" exclaimed The Ambush Bug, "The Shadow King was depressed because he was such a crappy X-Men villain." After giving some thoughts, the green insectoid dressed in a skin-tight suit then changed his opinions about the death of the mutant. "Or, uh... Lobo. I don't trust that fella'."

"I guess I'll vote out Batman," Cyclops smoothly voted without giving much thoughts. "He's definitely not trustworthy."

Spider-Woman shook her head. "Why would Batman kill the Shadow King? What does he gain from it?" As she challenged the accusation, Jessica locked eyes with Cyclops and the Ambush Bug. "Lobo seems like a possible choice, but from what little I've seen, the method of murder doesn't add up with Lobo's more...visceral style." (God I love tangentman's writings, saved me the trouble :p )

Smirking, Spider-Woman glanced at Professor Xavier. "If we wanted to go with an obvious choice, then the Professor's history with the deceased makes him a probable suspect. Too obvious a suspect?" She considered that possibility in thoughtful silence.

After several seconds, Spider-Woman turned toward one of the men who'd spoken first. She smiled as watched Ambush Bug from her "perch" on the wall. "One might even argue that I'm the killer, given my own, shall we say, colorful past. However, I think that our killer will actually be the least predictable choice. Spider-Woman watched Ambush Bug with intense focus. "If I were to guess anyone at the moment, I would say Ambush Bug is our killer. He's fast and also familiar with assassination--right, Bug?"

"Going by the history tapes," Bouncing Boy thought to himself, "Lobo seems like the most likely choice. He is a ruthless bounty hunter after all."

Cliff thought back to the dark times when the Chief, his mentor and friend, had betrayed the entire Doom Patrol. How could someone he was so close to become so evil, or at least so misguided? As he pondered this, and thought about Shadow King, he realized that anyone could be the traitor.

John Constantine was a friend when Cliff was in Totems. Could he be the traitor? Cliff shook his head. Maybe it's the brain malfunctioning.... "You're only a brain in a robotic shell, Cliff..." he thought to himself. "Things are not always going to seem or feel right all the time."

"Maybe it's the one close to you again, Cliff... the one wrestling with his own personal demons... real demons... JOHN CONSTANTINE "Hellblazer" could be the killer."

"Everyone I've met with 'unimaginable power' has been a right twat," John snorted, placing a cigarette in his mouth. "The only power I need is this."
John whipped out a Zippo and lighted the cig. "Alakazam."

"Ask Rob Zombie over there," he sneered, chucking a thumb in Lobo's direction. "Mebbe he knows what done in th' Big Floaty Head."

"Fetal's Giz! I always get all the blame for this kind of crap. Killin' is fun and all, but just fraggin' a dude with an axe in the head seems like of.....boring," Lobo said while holding a severed head from an unknown body in one hand, and a six pack in the other.

"I think it's the crazy bastich in the green suit over there. That fragger Ambush Bug probably done it! Ya never know that that bastich is going to do next."

However, the bug in the orange suit defended himself. "I was trying to warn him! See?"
http://www.sitefights.com/community/spirit/jackzodiac//lobounbound5_p.jpg

"Wasn't the bug around when shadow got it?" Bats finally spoke, with a bad temper. "Why do the bug look so guilty? Cause he is gulity! Ambush Bug did it!"

"I know what this is..." Ambush pointed out while displaying a sad expression on his green shiny face, "this is all a conspiracy. Dan Didio's behind it! He's been trying to kill us Giffen-written folk every chance he gets. Don't let him win."

After a few moments of recollection, Irwin realizes what he just said.

"And, um... sorry about accusing you, Lobo. We Giffen-folk need to stick together," the baldy insect pointed out. "You just, y'know... c'mon, you're a !@#$% murderer! Where's Julie? He wouldn't let this happen to me."

""An alliance eh?" Lobo said while swinging his blood covered hook around on it's chain. "What if you are the traitor, ya bastich? Aw, hell, we can stick together then. Giffen-folk unite!.......until we can find that bastich and frag him for sticking me with Grant for all that time...."

"Too little, too late, main man," Irwin said, before explaining why. "One way or another, one of us is getting the axe. Eh... metaphorical axe, not literal axe."

"Knowing him as well as I do," explained Professor Xavier as places his hands on his lap, "and knowing that no one can be wound that tight without repercussions I say... it's my 'son' Cyclops."

"Its hard to trust Lobo," claimed The Shade, "my vote goes to him."

"Ambush Bug gets my vote," Judge Dredd said as he fixes his helmet with his green, robotic hand, "if the cap fits..."

Johnny Alpha had waited patiently for everyone else to reveal their thoughts and votes. Observant, he noted those he deemed suspicious. Ambush Bug and Lobo had the highest number of votes, a tie. Voting for a third party would had been pointless. Alpha thought it would better for him to make the decision than trust the rest. Maybe a bit of rivalry surged in him. It could had been all the encounters he had had in the past. Whatever the reason, Johnny Alpha chose Lobo.

And that's it for Chapter One! Hope you like it as more will be coming up... ONLY if you like it. :p

[Beast Boy Modified]

Hours after the Shadow King's beheading, the Beyonder made his return. He asked the group if they had found the traitor. Batman decided to step up and accused Lobo of being a traitor.

"What the frag?!" exclaimed the demon-like humanoid. "You can't do this to me! I'm the Archbishop of---"

"Enough!" the aging man with yet, black hair interrupted while he raised his palm up. "If that is your choice, so be it."

Then, with with a wave of his hand, the Beyonder blasted Lobo dead-on and banished him off to Limbo. The group was relieved that this ordeal is finally over.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha. This is far from over," gleed the sly, old man. "What you've done is banish an innocent being. The traitor is still among you..."

Realizing what the others had done, Irwin turned towards them and confronted the beings he assumed to be heartless. "You monsters!" he exclaimed, swinging his green arms towards their direction. "Do you have any idea how long it took him to get back into the spotlight? He was a midget running around with Young Justice for so long, everyone forgot how hilarious and brutally violent he could be, and now you've ruined it all!" Displaying a frustrated expression if insect-man could ever do that, it ended his lecture with, "A pox on you!"

The group, still shocked after making the wrong accusation, decided to reconvene in another location to eat. Around the table, fingers were pointed at one another. Accusations were being made left and right. Just then, Spider-Woman quieted everyone down. She told them that they must think of a more coherent plan to scope out the traitor. Batman interrupted.

"You're all doing this wrong! Now I've put some clues tog---"

Just then, the Dark Knight, began to shake. "Something's wrong with the wine!" In a matter of seconds, flesh eating bacteria began to develop rapidly inside Batman's body, eating him inside out. For years, Batman's rogues have tried to eliminate him and failed. But for that night, the traitor had finally succeeded. The Dark Knight has been poisoned.

"Oh !@#$," exclaimed Spider-Woman while looking at the grotesque sight.


"Holy Grife," Bouncing Boy exclaimed, "the traitor killed Batman! That's not how he died according to the history tapes. Poisoning with flesh-eating bacteria, who would have done such a thing? If I had to guess, I'd think it was John Constantine!"

Constantine looked at Bouncing Boy and snorted derisively. He held up his cigarette between two fingers in front of the Legionnaire's face.

"THIS thing gives me the only flesh-eating virus I care about, sonny."

"If biological warfare is whacher after, check wi' Catain Stormtrooper over here," he added, nodding toward Judge Dredd.

Irwin vomited his cheese-steak gratuitously all over the table after witnessing the most horrific thing he'd ever seen.

"Are we in a Vertigo title? Jesus!" exclaimed the suited insectoid. "Oh man, if he weren't already gone I would've pinned that one on Lobo. That was graphic. I mean, flesh-eating bacteria? Who else is that sick and twisted and depraved?"

Looking behind his back, he stared at the helmeted officer. "Oh, I know. Judge Dredd is!"

"Trying to shift blame onto a mega-city judge is a crime, citizen," warned the masked crusader, as he eyed the suited insect-man. "Right now you're looking at a 50-120 year stretch in the iso-cubes. I know that you are in fact, the traitor. Go on, admit it, and i promise to end your suffering and inner turmoil in as humane a way as a Dum-Dum will allow."

"It was me! I'm sorry!" the bug with the orange antennas apologized, for a while.

"Wait, no, it wasn't me! It was the sock puppet and the giant koala! They're in on this, man! Someone's trying to frame me! I have all kinds of enemies!"
http://www.sitefights.com/community/spirit/jackzodiac//abug4_p.jpg
"See that? That ain't normal."

"Hmm, flesh eating poison..." said the professor while he lowered his head, deep in his thought, "my thoughts point towards Robotman."

Quickly regaining his composure after the caped crusader's violent demise, Cyclops regained his composure and eyed the room warily and then glared at the man across from him.

"There's only one person here capable of something this despicable. The same man who's lied to me my entire life. The same man who's held a sick torch for my dead wife since she was a girl. The same man who's demonstrated time and again that he's lost all morals. I'm talking about you, Professor X."

Cliff's human brain raced as his computerized eyes took in the horrific moment of watching one of his universe's beloved "trinity" fall before him. Poisoned, they said.

Initially, his thoughts were that poison was something spiders did. But Jessica Drew had been leading the meeting and reacted with shock when Bruce keeled over.

Eying the suspects yet again, he stopped when he got to The Shade. Cliff knew John drank out of habit and make a fool of himself, but with Shade drinking was like an art-form and did it with dignity. Who better to kill someone with a "touch of class" than SHADE?

Johnny Alpha wasn't affected by Batman's death. He'd seen worse done to people he'd actually known. The important thing, though, was that a clue had revealed itself. Bouncing Boy had implied he was from the future, the future of the same world as this Batman character. He, and the cop everyone was accusing, would have access to biological weapons. Those thoughts, though, he'd keep to himself. However, he felt like pointing out something to everyone else.

"Do all of you not realize that Ambush Bug had been the first one to place blame after Shadow King died? And that when Batman voted against him, he ended up dead?"

That left three possible culprits. Johnny decided to wait until everyone had spoken to decide.

Overhearing Johnny's comment about him, he replied defensively. "Yeah, along with four other people, and you don't see me eying any of them up. It isn't my fault you hyenas are all-too ready to feast on the poor, downtrodden characters.

Uh, except you, Johnny. You're an alright fella', aside from that goofy helmet and the fact that you condemned probably the only person in any comic I'd consider a friend. Other than that, though..."

Johnny Alpha felt he must reply. "Though others did vote for you, Batman voted for you first, initiating the idea. And you are indeed targeting one who voted for you. Judge Dredd was willing to have you be disposed of last round. Do you expect me to believe this to be coincidence?"

The green bug straightened his back proudly. "Absolutely! Look at the evidence! Shadow King is beheaded. Fella' ain't got a head to speak of, really! What kind of axe would be able to bust his metaphysical noggin'? Something from the future, probably. Or space! Hence my initial accusation of The Main Man. Little did I know that it was all a clever ruse to turn castaway character against castaway character!

Batman was the first to accuse me, but c'mon! Where the hell am I gonna' get an axe like that? It's like he didn't even do any detective work! Then he's the next to go, which obviously points towards me, right? Huh... my defense sucks. Anyway, Batman dies and of course it makes me look bad, but again, where the hell am I gonna' get a flesh-eating virus? I don't even know where the hell my costume came from, how am I gonna' bio-engineer a virus?"

Suddenly, a paranoid Irwin looked at the others with fear and horror. "I know what this is. You're drawing attention away from Judge Punisher because you two starred in the same anthology! Conspiracy!"

Meanwhile, Shadow King, Batman, and Lobo sit around in limbo, until the game is completed...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. At least I didn't get poisoned. And I still blame Xavier.

In his astral form, Shadow King holds up a sign while wandering around the area.

Will Mind Control for food.

Back at the debate...

"Anthology? I haven't starred in anything. If you've somehow seen adventures starring me, then you could theoretically have insight into each of our histories and know the proper way to kill any of us. You might have figured how to get a bio-chemical from any of people 'from the future' here! And you know perfectly well that axe was here when we got here. Taking down that old man first was sick."

At that point, Alpha's anger was rising. Acting on impulse, he pulled out his pistol.

"Normally, I can see into the minds of punks like you but something is stopping me. So, here's how it's going to work." Johnny paused, quickly whipping the gun in front of Ambush Bug's face. "Tell me the truth, Bug, or I blow your face off your skull!"

Just as Alpha was about to pull the trigger, the Beyonder re-appears, turning the gun into a potassium-filled banana.

"You shall make these threats no longer! Either make your accusations in a more civilized manner, or traitor or not, you shall suffer the same fate as Lobo," said the booming voice.

"...Fine," answered a very reluctant Alpha.

Ambush Bug then proceeded to eat Alpha's banana.

after enjoying his banana (aha ha ha), Irwin 'Ambush' Bug continued his ramble at Johnny. "Ever heard of the Fourth Wall? I don't just break it. I climbed it and peed off the other side."

Still angry, Alpha decided Ambush Bug was the one that needed to go. "I vote Ambush Bug. He ate my gun and insulted my helmet."

Disgusted, Johnny propped himself in the corner, muttering to himself. "That Beyonder guy owes me a gun."

Realizing what the helmeted ugly had done, the bug stomped his left foot in front. "Screw you, Spaceman Spiff! I've done worse to better!"

Johnny Alpha smirked. "Did someone give you that suit one of those times?"

"Nope," the insectoid shook his head. "Found this on a laundry freighter that took out my cable one afternoon."

[Beast Boy Modified]

Constantine blew a puff of smoke lazily into the air.

"I love it when the long-underwear types take out their dicks and swordfight."

Already pissed off at what had happened between him and Alpha, Irwin made a smart comment about the demon hunter. "Weren't you in the Doom Patrol? Or was that some other walking lung cancer with a British accent and liver failure?"

John was not going to stand down from the remark. ""Watch who yer gettin' lippy with, sonny jim. I could speak a coupla words an' have you buggerin' Cheeks, the Toy Wonder behind an outlet mall in Cardiff."

The green bug smirked, not wanting to look angry from and getting into another arguement. "Y'know, I was wonderin' where I left him! Thanks, Johnny!"

Alpha pondered Constantine's statement. No, even the muttering of the smoker was noticed. He would have responded, saying that he wore body armor, but he did not care. He was pleased with his findings and his more recent remark. He secretly missed his good pal Wulf Sternhammer, knowing that the Viking's overly friendly personality would make even the nicest of villains uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, Lobo decided to make the most out of his exile in Limbo, by spreading the word of the Church of the Triple Fish-God as only the Main Man can.

While observing Lobo's actions, Immortus sighed. "Damn Beyonder."

Back at the unknown area, Bouncy tried to stop another flame war from happening. "Guys we really shouldn't fight like this, we're trying to find a traitor here."

Angry that Xavier had eluded punishment, Cyclops scowled and looked over those three strangers. "This Constantine fellow reminds me of Pete Wisdom," he thought, "and this Dredd character seems like he'd get along great with Bishop."

"I've always hated insects," he said as he points to Ambush Bug.

Hearing the species-ist comment made about him, the bug in the tight suit turned towards shades. "Hey, at least I never tried laying eggs in your stomach. I can't be all that bad."

"I'm still convinced Dredd's the killer," Irwin continued while going into a pondering expression. "He's the only other person besides Lobo I can think of who's that twisted. I mean, except Constantine, but he's twisted in a sophisticated British sense!"

"Oh, and where the hell is Lil' Miss Hydra? I think we're all being misled."

Irwin snorted and hocked a nasty one on the Fourth Wall.

"Scott, we really need to have a session to talk about your deep abandonment issues and the resultant internal rage and paranoia you've recently been displaying in transferring the anger you have for Corsair unto me," the professor suggested to his student.

"Hmm," the professor began as he wheeled himself away from the one-eye, "Ambush Bug has certainly been trying to deflect interest on to others... yet Constantine is being a bit more smug than usual and Dredd is too obvious. My vote goes to Constantine."

"Considerin' Helmet Head an' Bat Boy have never been able to be in the same room together without beating the shite out of each other," John pointed out while puffing yet another cloud of smoke from his mouth, "I'm sayin' the killer is Judge Dredd. In the pantry. With the flesh-eating bacteria."

The Beyonder had requested a recount. He'd taken every name away that was not in the tie. It did not matter to Johnny Alpha, though. Unwavering in his previous decision, he declared that Ambush Bug be the one banished.

Robotman placed his steel fingers below his chin. "Tough call... none were who I voted out."

He moved his hand away. "I say Judge Dredd."

At the limbo, The Shade realized that patience is a virtue, and kept his vote directed at John Constantine.

Shadow King, bored with pointless conversations with Lobo, had been trying to take over Batman.

After the Beyonder announced voting had been reopened to only three suspects, the Shadow King took notice.

"I can't respect a man who was played by Keanu Reeves, not that I respect any man."

Shadow King then tried to focus all his psychic might to convince others to vote for Constantine.

Enough of the accusations against him, the officer in black decided to place his vote. "It is obvious even without the aid of PSI Judges that Ambush Bug is the traitor in our midst. Perp, you're going down!"
http://www.evolvedgames.com/images/cover-dreddA.jpg

Irwin Schwab can read between the lines. The lines of reality and imagination. Between his world and the real world and inbetween.

"Aw, Keanu wasn't that bad," Irwin pointed out, spreading his arms towards the others resembling the action of hugging. "I mean, sure, he didn't have the hair... or the accent... or the demeanor... and Chaz was played by some kid going through puberty... and John didn't drink or curse enough... and he quit smoking... and The First of the Fallen was played by that weird guy from "Fargo," not Steve Buscemi, but the other one..."

"But... he wasn't all that bad. Beat the hell out of the "Fantastic Four" movie. The only thing in that movie I'd touch with a ten foot pole is Jessica Alba."

Batman's violent death had shocked Spider-Woman into a plaintive silence. Although Jessica had not known the Batman long, she had respected his brilliant and disciplined mind. In some respects, she sensed they were kindred spirits.

Tragically, the exceptional detective was lost to the world. Because of the assassin among them. Spider-Woman said nothing as the accusations flew among them. From what she saw, the "Judge" apparently had the means to kill a person so gruesomely. For all the apparently alcoholism, Constantine was an accomplished mystic. Surely he could conjure up a flesh-eating disease, right?

However, Jessica's thoughts kept returning to the most seemingly innocuous one among them. He acted the part of the clown, yet he also managed to distract the accusations away from himself. Jessica stared at the man she accused earlier with a grim smile. "There were good points raised about why and how John and the good Judge could be our killer. They each possess the means--and frankly, the nastiness to pull it off. However...I'm not convinced that Ambush Bug is innocent. After all, the bacteria could've been teleported into Batman's body."

The butterfly-head stared upon the bubbly words above Jessica's head with an array of facial expressions reacting to each sentence.

"Clown? Don't get all high-and-mighty just because Bendis picked you while he scraped the bottom of the barrel looking for characters to fill out his New Avengers! If it weren't for him, you'd be in Limbo with me and the Main Man, just waiting for the day good ol' Keith decides to dust us off for another "Nothing" Special! And you aren't so innocent yourself!"

The walking insect then threw a series of photos towards the arachnoid.
http://www.sitefights.com/community/spirit/jackzodiac//unmasked.jpg
http://www.sitefights.com/community/spirit/jackzodiac//spiderwoman_origin_02.jpg
http://www.sitefights.com/community/spirit/jackzodiac//sledge.jpg

I rest my case.

Spider-Woman groaned and rolled her eyes. Not that the Bug could see that gesture, thanks to the opaque masque, but her tone made it clear. "Do you even know what you're saying when you spout off like this, or did you just forget to take your meds?"

"I didn't forget," exclaimed Irwin, leaving a smirk on his yellow-striped face, "the editor did!"

Spider-Woman sighed. "That's what I thought. Skipped your anti-psychotics." She hastily added with a huff, "I still think you're the killer."

"This is gettin' ridiculous," John snorted as he removed his cigarette from his mouth. "You want I should just ask Batman who killed him so we can all go home? Take two minutes."

"That's right, you can make with the mojo! So, make with the mojo! Just... don't summon Nergal or some horny dog-monster instead, or one of The Fallen, or the Shadow Dog, and try not to kill anybody else, or send them to Hell, or lock 'em in a morgue slab on LSD with a liquifying corpse... or..."

With all the bull said, Irwin walked away from the exorcist. "Y'know, I think I'll go stand over there while you do this."

Alpha was glad to hear someone else becoming fed up with the Bug, too. When Constantine spoke, though, Johnny realized he needed to warn him. "When I tried to get a direct answer, the Beyonder took away my gun. You might suffer a similar fate. I wouldn't risk it."

"Pfft! "Risk" is one of John Constantine's middle names," exclaimed the almost saned insectoid, raising his nose above, "and one of my favorite games! Holy crap, I'm rhyming, man! Don't tell the Demon, Etrigan."

"Knock it off Jack, you !@#$%!"

Two minutes passed. John awakened from his trance and lit another cigarette.

"Well, Batman didn't see who slotted him, so he's beating up random people until someone tells him. Some bloody detective. And Lobo's apparently been kicked out for doing ungodly things to 'Mazing Man, so Limbo is ANOTHER place he isn't allowed anymore."

[Beast Boy Modified]

With the group reconvened, all but one had to yet to cast their vote. If Bouncing Boy voted for Ambush Bug, then he would be next to stand accused. Just when Bouncing Boy was about to cast his vote, however...

"With all the clues I've gathered, I deduce that the traitor is Ambu---"

Before the big belly could finish, he mysteriously disappeared! Unbeknowgnst to the group, the Legionnaire was teleported to the cell of the monster known as Doomsday!

"I knew it! I F#$@# knew it!" exclaimed Judge Dredd, throwing his fist at Irwin.

"Whoops. Too early?" the bug softly said while lowering his head, his eyes raised towards the others as if he knew that he had performed a terrible deed.

Just then, the Beyonder appeared.

"So have you made your decision?" asked the entity while walking towards the others in his white trekky costume.

"We voted for the damn bug," explained Constantine, puffing another cloud of smoke from his mouth, "and he helped us out a bit by zapping the lardo!"

"You are correct!" He pointed towards the smoking exorcist. "Ambush Bug is the traitor. Now you shall meet your fate at Limbo!"

"Nooooo! I demand a recounnnnnt!" Before the green walking insect could do anything about his accusation, he disappeared from thin air, leaving a puff of smoke behind.

"Well done," the Beyonder congratulated, spreading his arms towards the others in admiration. "First, I shall bring back the ones who were eliminated from the game. There. Now, you shall receive your prize....."

The group pondered how they could handle having unimaginable power, until the Beyonder raised his hand towards an open area. Smoke puffed out of nowhere after the Beyonder chanted words that the others could barely understand. The smoke cleared up, and a pile of cans stood in the middle, with the label "Traitor Mushroom Soup" on them.

"... ...a lifetime supply of soup!" exclaimed the Beyonder, spreading his arms again. "Congratulations to all!"

"That's fraggin it?!?!" exclaimed Lobo, unable to believe the ridiculous outcome.

Meanwhile, in Limbo, Irwin slammed his palm on a table repeatedly while cracking away like a mad man. "HA HA HA HA HA! Losers!"

Xavier lowered his baldy head, placing his left hand on his forehead, sighing. "Damn Beyonder."

"He should've let me blow his face off," Johnny smirked at the irony. "He'd have spent less time with him that way."

Spider-Woman's theory paid off--the traitor was exposed. When the Beyonder promised to return those who had been "murdered", Jessica felt a profound sense of relief. After the prize was revealed, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "Do you have Cream of Broccoli or French Onion?"

"You rock at sucking, ya' sucker!" Irwin continued to rub into the faces of the other players. "I wasn't even doing it out of sheer evil, I was just bored. Y'know, they had me in mind as the mysterious villain in Identity Crisis, right? You? They gave you to Bendis! Ha!"

After finishing his mockings, Irwin had an expression that resembles a combination of arrogance and deep thought. "Now, time to guess the SHIELD agent. I'm saying... Johnny Alpha. Only because Spider-SHIELDra would've been too obvious. And I'd be seriously offended, Johnny-Boy, if you weren't some nobody British comic book character!"

"Fuck am I gonna do with soup?" John asked, picking up one of the vouchers. "Ya can't smoke soup! Ya can't drink sou--Well, you can drink soup, but who the hell wants to?"

John threw his spent ciggy on the ground and stormed off.

"Sod this fer a game o' soldiers. Oh, an' Johnny Alpha's the SHIELD agent. Cheers."

Suddenly, the elderly leader of the secret organization of S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury, appeared out of nowhere. ""Robotman, you're fired!" he said, pointing to the robotic humanoid, before stomping off, after picking up the cigarette John left behind and placed it inside his mouth...

Robotman was not shaken by the retirement. "Sorry, "Fury".... but I only joined up with SHIELD to meet Sharon Carter anyway."

Dwelling in the dark caper's body, Shadow King's spirit had a deep thought. ""I hate mushrooms, and I hate Xavier. And now, I hate Ambush Bug. Maybe I should take over his body..."

The Bats, however, realized that he was right about the greenly insectoid. "See I told you the bug was no good!" he exclaimed, while looking at his reward. "Hmmm These cans of soup will make a good weapon in my war against crime and stupidity."

Though the dangerous game was over, Cyclops retained his doubts. "I still say it was Xavier," he said as he stared upon the disabled mutant. "He telepathically fooled everyone into thinking it was the Bug."

""Scott, Scott, Scott, when will you ever grow up?" the professor asked, shaking his head, before telepathically implanted the desire to strip naked and run through Salem Center screaming, "Warren I want you!" into Scott's fragile and easily manipulated mind.