The 10 most entertaining (horrible) films of all time.

[jesse_custer]

I'm enlisting all the great minds here to help put together a list of the most entertaining films. Specifically, the most horrible movies you can watch over and over again. Let's get the logic and guidelines out of the way.

Faulty Assumption No. 1

If you're able to watch complete bullshit again and again and again, it must have some value. Or so we'll tell ourselves in a chanting fashion.

Faulty Assumption No. 2

Making a list like this is not a waste of time.

Flimsy Guideline No. 1

These films cannot be considered good by any capable human mind. Yes, there are people who consider "Bio-Dome" a great--or even passable--film, but their opinions don't count anyway. Let's be reasonable and selective with the term, "capable human mind."

Flimsy Guideline No. 2

In naming these horribly directed, acted, scripted, edited, and shot movies, you must provide something I call "the only vestige of legitimacy." You'll see what I'm talking about when I share my nominations.

Now, my nominations:

Bloodsport

This film goes all out. Not only does it have innocuous, poorly-written dialogue, the actors manage to deliver the lines in a way that makes them fail even more.

Example:

Van Damme is doing the splits, with only two chairs under his feet to hold his body up. Donald Gibb, perhaps the greatest thespian of any generation, walks in the room and remarks, "Hey, be careful with that. You might wanna have kids one day." He seems sincere even though it's supposed to be a bad joke that doesn't make any sense.

Bloodsport's only vestige of legitimacy

It portrays a wide variety of martial arts styles, which makes the movie deep in a very unimportant way.


Soldier

This action-based sci-fi film arouses about as much thought as a Paris Hilton essay on why she was treated unfairly by David Letterman. The movie opens with an extreme military camp that literally raises children to become killing machines. We see the carnage unfold, the unspeakable lack of morality at play. So perhaps this film will have a halfway amiable message?

Wrong. Kurt Russell finds an excuse to kill his former fellow killing machines (i.e., "helping out a small community in pain"). And we're left thinking that maybe killing machine camps isn't such a bad idea. There's also a lot of character development, such as when a woman's husband dies and Russell has to protect her and her son.

Soldier's only vestige of legitimacy

Russell says all of maybe 80 words. In one way, it's a great example of a restrained, minimalist performance. In another way, maybe the creators wanted a silent character to illustrate the horrid inhumanity of raising killing machines. Probably not.

[Tobias March]

Biker Chicks in Zombie Town FTW!!!

[Donald M.]

I know it's an obvious choice, but clearly Plan 9 from Outer Space is the ultimate example of an eminently rewatchable film with absolutely no redeeming social or artistic value.

As for its only vestige of legitimacy, Bela Lugosi, though a drugged out wreck long past his prime, at least brought the slight tinge of respectability through the indirect link to his past successes and whatever small value remained in the Lugosi name.

Of course, that was all ruined when he died halfway through production and was replaced with a mugging jackass with a cape over his face.

[jesse_custer]

Plan 9 is obvious but perhaps necessary.

[Toku King]

Inframan all the way! It's so fake and silly, but you can't help but watch it over and over again.

[JohnPopa]

Cabin Boy - A movie that seems to be working as hard as it can at being impossibly bad, it's like "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" if it were made by complete idiots.

Only vestige of legitimacy: There are some pretty funny character actors and bit players trying their darndest to make sense of this thing and generating some laughs, intentional or otherwise, along the way.

[Toku King]

I also nominate Gamera vs. Zigra and Gamera vs. Monster X. Both silly and filled with laughable moments, but make you only love the monster genre more.

[rick]

I know it's an obvious choice, but clearly Plan 9 from Outer Space is the ultimate example of an eminently rewatchable film with absolutely no redeeming social or artistic value.

As for its only vestige of legitimacy, Bela Lugosi, though a drugged out wreck long past his prime, at least brought the slight tinge of respectability through the indirect link to his past successes and whatever small value remained in the Lugosi name.

Of course, that was all ruined when he died halfway through production and was replaced with a mugging jackass with a cape over his face.


So you actually haven't seen the movie have you?

[Donald M.]

So you actually haven't seen the movie have you?

I have, actually. Several times.

[rick]

I have, actually. Several times.


Then why are you describing it wrong?

Lugosi was dead before the fillm was ever started and his one scene, at the very start of the movie, is made up of home movie footage.

Tom Keane, while not much of an actor I grant you, didn't mug, he had a cape in front of his face the entire time.

[jesse_custer]

I couldn't remember when Legosi died, either, in relation to the making of the film.

The Gamera movies--or any monster movies, for that matter--are not that rewatchable. That's precisely why they made so many of them. You see the main monster fight one monster, now you're ready to watch him fight another. Bloodsport, on the other hand, stands alone. It ignored the concept of quality yet still established the memorable conflict of Frank Dux vs. Chong Li that never gets old.

I haven't seen Cabin Boy, but I'll be damned if I don't try to find it now. Sounds like a good nomination. Has anyone else seen Cabin Boy?

[Toku King]

I couldn't remember when Legosi died, either, in relation to the making of the film.

The Gamera movies--or any monster movies, for that matter--are not that rewatchable. That's precisely why they made so many of them. You see the main monster fight one monster, now you're ready to watch him fight another. Bloodsport, on the other hand, stands alone. It ignored the concept of quality yet still established the memorable conflict of Frank Dux vs. Chong Li that never gets old.

I haven't seen Cabin Boy, but I'll be damned if I don't try to find it now. Sounds like a good nomination. Has anyone else seen Cabin Boy?

WRONG!

They make so many because they make money. They are entertaining to watch over and over, and are very fun to watch.

[The Mutt]

I think Plan 9 is too earnest to be truly considered the worst. I can watch it over and over. Vastly entertaining. A movie needs the stench of corporate hackery and laziness to be truly awful.

Something like Smokey and The Bandit Part 3 (Smokey IS the Bandit!). And yet I can't turn it off when it is on TV, as it often is opposite footballs games on weekend afternoons. It is especially delightful in the edited for television version, because Jackie Gleason's dialog is so nasty, virtually every line has a really bad over-dub, done by a different actor.

A bunch of dissolute comedians, a script that sounds like it was made up on the fly during stunt planning sessions, the comedic flavor of bad country music variety shows, and the production values of a Walker: Texas Ranger episode.

And Jackie Gleason in a make-out scene.

You'd think the stunts would be a redeeming virtue, but they are over-long, predictable, boring and stagey.

It's not the car wrecks that make it entertaining, it's the train wreck.

Edit to add the Vestige of Decency: Jerry Reed's Eastbound and Down.

[jesse_custer]

They make so many because they make money.

But why could they make money? Because you're ready to see another monster instead of rewatching the last movie.

I'm not for excluding all monster films by any means. If we can reach a consensus on one monster movie, that would be great. I would go with Godzilla vs. Mothra since ... well ... a giant moth is really funny.

I think Plan 9 is too earnest to be truly considered the worst. I can watch it over and over. Vastly entertaining. A movie needs the stench of corporate hackery and laziness to be truly awful.

This is all correct. Unfortunately, Plan 9, especially with the way you just described it, is extremely appropriate for this list. Remember, the point of any of these films is that they're the greatest shitfests, meaning that you can watch them a lot. Plus, Plan 9's footage of Legosi perfectly fits the "only vestige of legitimacy" idea.

[Toku King]

But why could they make money? Because you're ready to see another monster instead of rewatching the last movie.

Is that why they made 3 Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla movies, two with very similar plots, and all three being big hits?

[The Mutt]

But why could they make money? Because you're ready to see another monster instead of rewatching the last movie.

I'm not for excluding all monster films by any means. If we can reach a consensus on one monster movie, that would be great. I would go with Godzilla vs. Mothra since ... well ... a giant moth is really funny.



This is all correct. Unfortunately, Plan 9, especially with the way you just described it, is extremely appropriate for this list. Remember, the point of any of these films is that they're the greatest shitfests, meaning that you can watch them a lot. Plus, Plan 9's footage of Legosi perfectly fits the "only vestige of legitimacy" idea.

There are much worse Godzilla movies than Mothra, but none as entertaining to me. I got over my Godzilla faze pretty fast, but the moth and the tiny girls, and the doofus comic relief and all the soldiers running around in white gloves is too good. I'm always interested in seeing new Godzilla movies, but I've never been much into re-watching the old ones.

[jesse_custer]

Is that why they made 3 Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla movies, two with very similar plots, and all three being big hits?

Laziness is a possible reason; perhaps the Mechagodzilla character was more popular than the other monsters. Regardless, the overwhelming majority of Godzilla movies have different foes, so you've still got to explain why they didn't make 20 Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla movies in a row if your point is absolutely correct.

[Toku King]

Laziness is a possible reason; perhaps the Mechagodzilla character was more popular than the other monsters. Regardless, the overwhelming majority of Godzilla movies have different foes, so you've still got to explain why they didn't make 20 Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla movies in a row if your point is absolutely correct.

Because Inoshiro Honda liked to challenge himself by looking for all new ideas and being original, and now most monster movies take after that.

[Donald M.]

Then why are you describing it wrong?


It has been over 5 years since the last time I saw it.

I misremembered some things, so sue me.

[Conn Seanery]

No list like this can be complete without The Warriors. For my money, it's the best horrible-yet-entertaining movie ever made. It's dated, the dialogue is cheesy, the acting is horrific, the costumes laughable, and the majority of the characters look about as street-tough as my grandmother. Despite all that, I watch this movie religiously few times a year. It's so bad, it's good. Great, even.

It's only vestige of legitimacy? Cyrus, they say he's the one and only, the man with the plan. It may not have been realistic or have even worked, but that was one hell of an ambitious idea. That, and the Lezzies. If I get to choose how I shed this mortal coil, I want it to be in a room full of temporarily-closeted lesbians constantly throwing each other sideways glances waiting for the signal to kill me.

I think another "flimsy guideline" should be that it's possible that you either do own it, or at least want to own it. I know I got my DVD copy of The Warriors on my shelf.

[Thorlief]

You just can't go wrong with Future Force and Future Force 2, the first one featuring the best Z-movie villain ever, William Zipp (also called "The Jacket") as Jason Adams, a ruthless crime lord with a ponytail

Future Force sees the great David Carradine as John Tucker, a tough private cop whose job is to bring his agency (called C.O.P.S) as much criminals as he can patrolling the highly futuristic streets of Los Angeles. Too bad he takes too literally the words "dead or alive", expecially the first part, getting his boss pissed at him..but she tolerates Tucker because he's THE BEST COP oops C.O.P. around the block

he uses a highly advanced power glove, controlled by distance via a crappy tv remote

Tucker has a friend, Billy, a nerd on a wheelchair who is obviously a tech genius who finds out Tucker is in great danger: Adams wants him dead, he's tired of wasting billions because of only one C.O.P. . But he still doesnt know what Tucker can do.

There are a lot of colourful characters: Father Grimes is...um..a priest who doesnt tolerate Adams' businness, but just because he doesn't want to share his own crime income. Father Grimes is dangerous, expecially when he embraces his bazooka yelling in Latin

Becker is Adams fav henchman. He looks like a fat Freddy Krueger, plus he sucks at computers. He's famous for making use of passwords like "Burro", the most difficult password ever; in fact Billy (whos dressed as Luke Skywalker on Tattooine, no kidding) hacks the crap outta it in 0,02 seconds

Marion Simms is the obvious damsel in distress: there are a couple of girls worth mentioning, but only if you are into some perverted stuff like Girls whose head is bigger than a street lamp or Girls who dont wash their feet too often or again Girls who pretend to be girls even if they look like your drunk aunt

some quotes? Becker is kicking the crap outta Tucker, then our hero pulls out his magical remote and Becker says "Whattayadoing with that? Dont like me, wanna switch channel?"

Tucker is watching TV in the C.O.P.S. favourite bar which looks exactly like a 1986 Los Angeles crappy bar even tho we're supposed to be in the future. Marion, a journalist, says that theres too much violence in the world and expecially in L.A. and Tucker states his opinion shooting at the tv with his big gun, saying "NECESSARY VIOLENCE" gaining everyone's great appreciation. The bartender shows up holding a bat, pissed because you cant go in a bar and shoot a TV without permission. "It was..worth it" answers Tucker. Worth it my ass since he gives the bartender like 1000 $ for a crap television


"..the 'uck you want?" Tucker's wannabe girlfriend gently answers to that gentleman that is Becker

"Dominus Vobiscum, Adams!" Father Grimes yells in Latin while shooting the bazooka, and taking down a cardboard helicopter. And the Latin is all incorrect

and then it comes the most illogical call ever. Becker is phoning Adams some really bad news: "It was Tucker...he killed everyone we sent to kill him"; Adams loses his temper and screams "Who the hell he thinks he is??" "He's Tucker" says Becker

funny stuff. You all should get this BS asap

[ultramandingo]

........i vote or the 80s "flash gordon " movie - max von sydow's ming , the bitching hawkmen and queen sountrack pretty much make up for rest of euro disco in space stuff

[Jared]

........i vote or the 80s "flash gordon " movie - max von sydow's ming , the bitching hawkmen and queen sountrack pretty much make up for rest of euro disco in space stuff

Not to mention all the whacky sexual metaphors. "You came!"

And forget "Bond, James Bond." or "This Is Sparta!", the single greatest heroic introductory statement ever is "Flash Gordon, quarterback, New York Jets!"

[Tobias March]

Fatal Deviation - truly abysmal Irish martial arts film featuring a member of the boy band Boyzone as a smalltime mobster. It - Just - Keeps - Going

Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town like some of the best (relative use of the word) Troma films actually succeeds despite been hideous. It'll pass a drunken Friday night...on your own...in from of the tv...the remote too far away from your grasping fingers. It's also Billy Bob Thornton's first movie.

Manos: The Hands of Fate - I grant that I saw this film thanks to Mystery Science Theatre 3000, but it genuinely is a thing of disbelieving awe. Film as a bet by the director/writer/star Harold P. Warren against an established film maker that he could a film at little cost, the resulting picture is filled with pointless cutaways, long static shots of countryside, terrible, terrible acting and for all that a horribly undeserved final fate for the characters (despite not giving a toss for them, a closing shot is just 'ugh...no!') Watch it with Joel and the Bots for maximum satisfaction.

Count Yorga, Vampire. Guess what. The Count turns out to be a vampire. See that's just giving the game away. Despite knowing what none of the main characters know for the first half of the film, this remains a downbeat and strangely affecting horror film, complete with shock ending.

Immortel by Enki Bilal is very imaginative, solidly acted by its lead Thomas Kretschmann (The Pianist/Blade II/King Kong). Despite this the plot involves a god possessing a human to forcibly impregnate a woman...see that's where it loses me. Leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Lifeforce: Ever see Patrick Stewart do camp? Well of course you have. Ever see him before as a female space vampire possessed thrall? (complete with coquettish leer?) Then SEE THIS MOVIE! Great British schlock, complete with references to Alien (Dan O'Bannon wrote it) and the novel Space Vampires.

Shogun Assassin - birthplace of many a Wu Tang Clan sample. Entertainingly violent and atmospheric.

Walker is Alex Cox's film about the interference of the US in South American politics. It is extremely anachronistic, the actions of the characters cause 'future echoes' to appear on screen, so a horse drawn carriage is suddenly overtaken by a modern race car and many might find this off-putting. Nevertheless Ed Harris puts in a strong, compelling performance as William Walker (who is famously recognized by the names of each male in the Bush clan).

Zombi II - Zombie versus Shark!!

Blood For Dracula. Dear god. What was Paul Morrissey on. One of the Warhol Presents horror flicks by Morrissey, this features regular player Udo Kier in his much vaunted performance as the count. Joe Dallesandro spouts sub-Marxist rhetoric while showing off his chest (which also adorns a Smiths album cover) and a series of decadent rich girls get seduced to prevent the Count sating his lust for virgin blood. Very, um, odd.

[The Zapper]

........i vote or the 80s "flash gordon " movie - max von sydow's ming , the bitching hawkmen and queen sountrack pretty much make up for rest of euro disco in space stuff

I'm with you on that! I've had a few people be like "Flash Gordon? Lame. That movie is so bad." Then like five minutes later they're like "So...nothings on T.V. You want to put in Flash Gordon? You know...because it's so bad."

Personally, I think it's always the right time to watch that movie.

[The Zapper]

How about - "Zolton, Hound of Dracula". AKA "Dracula's Vampire Dogs"

That movie is pretty damn bad, but pretty damn fun to watch.

[Thorlief]

Karate Olympia. Look at the plot: a ex nazi is pissed because his karate team lost against the Japanese team during the war, so he decides to recreate the Olympics in some sh*tty place in South Africa against the same trainer. He assembles a international team and hell breaks loose. You have, in no particular order: a nazi dwarf-karateka called Chico, a pretty buff French champ, the american hero, the fatarse Nazi general, lots of Japanese..and Hitler himself. Horrible make up, direction, choreography, dialogues, actors, scenario, music. You can clearly see barefoot champs wearing shoes during the same scene, people patting their chests to spit out the fake blood, metal bars placed on rocks so the actors could hold em to perform a backflip. Insanely funny because it was meant to be a serious action movie.

[BYC]

Batman and Robin. Yeah, I know. But if one goes into it knowing it's god awful, it's hilariously bad. Especially since Arnold was trying do his one-liners like back in the 80s.

Street Fighter. Same as above. Once the viewer knows it's awful, making fun of it becomes really really easy.

Under Siege 2. It's Steven Seagal, and it's over the top in what his character can do.

2 Fast 2 Furious. Walker and Tyrese are pretty good and funny in their buddy role. Just enjoy the horrible dialogue. "Hey bro, hey bra".

Commando. More than any early Arnold movie, this seems to cater to Arnold's strength in his early career. Lots of action, lots of killing, lots of cheesy one-liners. A friend and I counted 128 people Arnold kills himself.

[BYC]

Oh yeah, I forgot about Top Gun :D Discuss.

[Thorlief]

Top Gun always bored me to tears. Awful, but not in a good way

[Tobias March]

Once again, it is time for Quentin Tarantino's cameo in 'Sleep With Me', to be shown.

Here. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=JW9YutYlUHo)

[powerforward]

Road House may be too obvious- so I will go with another swayze classic- Next of Kin- a hillbilly goes to the big city- his brother is killed by the mob- he and his remaining hillbilly kin seek revenge. Also stars Liam Neeson-

also I would like to nominate side out- a beach volleyball movie starring C. Thomas Howell as a aspiring lawyer who gives it all up to be a star beach volleyball player teaming up with the mullet wearing guy from thirty-something- even features real live pro beachvolleyball players to add to the legitimacy.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Super Mario Brothers

A film so bad Bob Hoskins has trashed it recently. Lets be honest , there was no freakin way a Super Mario Brothers film could work . It made a great cartoon and video games. But as a real movie ? It would have taken the genuis of Tim Burton to at least make a film that wouldn't suck.

The film makes pure fantasy and grinds the whole King Koopa , Princess and other elements into reality. Trying to put over that the Dinosaurs basically went to middle Earth and grew smart. The end has the Mario Brothers save the world.

Only Redeeming Value

The cast.... Hoskins , Leguizamo and Hopper. The 3 men tried their best to make this shitty movie work. It did help expose John Leguizamo to the mainstream in a way.

[JeffreyWKramer]

........i vote or the 80s "flash gordon " movie - max von sydow's ming , the bitching hawkmen and queen sountrack pretty much make up for rest of euro disco in space stuff

I concur with this choice. One can't really argue on any level that this film is actually good, but it's nonetheless entertaining as hell.

[Rattlehead]

American Godzilla

Just bad. An entirely fake looking monster terrorizes New York City! They completely change the design of Godzilla, going from an awesome looking monster that resembles a T-Rex on steroids, into a giant Iguana! A silver one at that. At some point we find out that Godzilla is looking for a place to lay eggs! Why or how this occurs we never find out. There certainly isn't another monster for Godzilla to mate with. This concept is so ludicrous, and yet the filmmakers made the completely awesome decision to play the entire movie straight! This leads to completely awkward and uncomfortable perfomances all-around.

The only redeeming quality:

You get to see Matthew Broderick slowly realize that his career is indeed in the toilet on camera. Bonus points for showing the world at large just how much of a shithole Madison Square Garden really is.

[Tumbido]

I like this thread. :)

Carnosaur.

Why is it horrible? It wanted to compete with Jurassic Park, the dinosaurs look out of Land of the Lost but covered in darkness, the dino-preg plot point is just nuts, and the doctor is a total not hot eco-bitch. It also has those annoying X-Files style infected cell count bulletins that serve no purpose to the dino-action. Or you could just say the film is horrible and be done with it.

Why it's entertaining.

Hey, it's based on a book, that lends it legitimacy. It came out before Jurassic Park, so it's not guilty of anything. The dinos are nasty killing machines and that's a good thing: faces, legs, heads, entrails, everything flies off in cheap detail here. Hippies die. The scenes with the monitors and the chickens are creepy. And the government are portrayed as the ultimate cold bastard force, which I guess it's a metaphor for something along with the downer ending. A dark, crazy bloody film with chickens. I like it.

Pod People.

Why is it horrible? The Alf puppets aren't that scary (unless one appeared behind you at night), the deaths aren't that special, the mist machines are cranked up to eleven, it has that horrible band, and a regular killer-alien plot is ruined depending on your view of children in horror.

Why is it legitimate?

Because I like it, that's why. :)

It carries a message of tolerance and innocence, with the kid accepting the alien despite their differences. Also, the music at the start is cool.

Shakma.

It's a film of a crazy baboon killing people. Baboon is crazy because scientist performed aggression experiments on it. Yeesh. That's all there is to it, along with the usual B-movie stupidity like leaving the security of a room that the f-cking baboon can't get into instead of staying there. Also, they are trapped in the building because they were playing a boring LARP when the baboon got loose.

Why is it legitimate?

Because Shakma is a crazy, nasty bastard with a lot of passion for the task at hand. Mr. Blue Lagoon gets to wrestle with a baboon. It goes against predictability by killing the main character's girl. And the trailer's VO assures that you, the audience, will be shocked. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2tnp4QCKtk)

Becker is Adams fav henchman. He looks like a fat Freddy Krueger, plus he sucks at computers. He's famous for making use of passwords like "Burro", the most difficult password ever; in fact Billy (whos dressed as Luke Skywalker on Tattooine, no kidding) hacks the crap outta it in 0,02 seconds

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Burro.....

"Dominus Vobiscum, Adams!" Father Grimes yells in Latin while shooting the bazooka, and taking down a cardboard helicopter. And the Latin is all incorrect

I'm intrigued by this movie.

[Thorlief]

you should totally check it out. Heck, even the VHS cover sucks

http://www.bstore.gr/images/future%20force.jpg

[SPAfreak]

How do you mention David Carradine and not talk about Death Race 2000? A film set in the future (the year 2000) about a car race where the people get points by running over pedestrians and have an attractive navigator that's really just there for sex? When you couple that in with a young Sylvester Stallone you've got movie gold.

So, recap: You've got Kwai Chang Caine, Rambo, a giant car chase, tons of pointless, hilarious and gruesome deaths along with boobies. It's American 70's cinema at it's best. Plus they're making a sequel for some reason.

[rick]

How do you mention David Carradine and not talk about Death Race 2000? A film set in the future (the year 2000) about a car race where the people get points by running over pedestrians and have an attractive navigator that's really just there for sex? When you couple that in with a young Frank Stallone you've got movie gold.

So, recap: You've got Kwai Chang Caine, Rambo, a giant car chase, tons of pointless, hilarious and gruesome deaths along with boobies. It's American 70's cinema at it's best. Plus they're making a sequel for some reason.

Frank Stallone?????

That's Rocky himself, Sly up on screen.

[rick]

From Paul Bartel the director of Death Race 2000, I give you Eating Raoul.

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/1148/eatingraoulkv4.jpg


Director Bartel, B-Movie queen, Mary Woronov and future Star trek actor, Robert Beltran star in this very funny film about sex, consumerism, sex, California, sex and cannabilism.

http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/5654/eatingraoulhu0.jpg


I recommend it highly for fans of all things gloriously bad.

[The Mutt]

From Paul Bartel the director of Death Race 2000, I give you Eating Raoul.

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/1148/eatingraoulkv4.jpg


Director Bartel, B-Movie queen, Mary Woronov and future Star trek actor, Robert Beltran star in this very funny film about sex, consumerism, sex, California, sex and cannabilism.

http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/5654/eatingraoulhu0.jpg


I recommend it highly for fans of all things gloriously bad.
Not near enough sex.

[ultramandingo]

......you cant bring up
Paul Bartel and B-Movie queen, Mary Woronov

with out a "Rock and Roll High School " shout out

[tangentman]

Blood For Dracula. Dear god. What was Paul Morrissey on. One of the Warhol Presents horror flicks by Morrissey, this features regular player Udo Kier in his much vaunted performance as the count. Joe Dallesandro spouts sub-Marxist rhetoric while showing off his chest (which also adorns a Smiths album cover) and a series of decadent rich girls get seduced to prevent the Count sating his lust for virgin blood. Very, um, odd.


I think that Dallessandro image image actually came from Flesh, the leading installment in the infamous "Hustlery Trilogy". I owned a t-shirt based on that album--easily one of my favorite tees EVER.

My submission:

Reform School Girls: A teen metal-head on crystal meth take on the "women in prison" exploitation genre. You know the story: good girl forced into prison--the Juvie Hall from Hell, in this case--who finds herself mired in sadomasochistic lesbian prison politics. A literal fight for heterosexuality, virginity, and life ensue!

Redeeming values: Terrible dialogue, far-fetched story, gratuitous exploitation of women--but hey, it's campy fun! Sybil Danning brings a comic book villain aspect to the piece as the prison warden undoubtedly inspired by "Ilsa The She-Wolf" and the like. Hey, there's Wendy O. Williams for added fun as the head dyke of the resident "Bad Girl" gang. She spends the entire movie running around in a desperately-tested halter top and thong with spiked-heel boots, beating up the heroine, and deflowering tender young virgins!

[Thorlief]

I remember this z-movie with a wannabe tough cop against a corrupted CIA executive..the mastermind behind the awful plot was the real Tony Curtis

I will hunt the title down for you guys..I assure you it's worth watching because
1) there's ONE car chase during the whole movie, the other "action" scenes are actually cut and re-edited angles from the chase mentioned above

2) Tony Curtis is amazingly drunk in all his scenes. When, cornered, he spits out the final explanation you can clearly see his blood-injected eyes, red nose and awesome deambulation towards the camera, not to mention his cartoony facial expressions during the five mins scene

3) the main chick is Charlene Tilton. Her legs are as long as the main hero's arms

4) I think I've seen Charles Napier in it, y'know, the Good old boy from The blues brothers

[stealthwise]

Nearly anything by Paul Verhoeven, especially Total Recall, Starship Troopers, and Showgirls. Only works if you're in on the joke though.

I really like watching, for whatever reason, Dude, Where's My Car?

And Son-In-Law was the only Pauly Shore I found tolerable to watch. Eh, I guess Jury Duty as well.

[SPAfreak]

Frank Stallone?????

That's Rocky himself, Sly up on screen.

Crap. I thought I fixed that. I still remember watching the movie for the first time and seeing him on screen. Utter disbelief followed by profanity. Then laughter.

[StoneGold]

American Ninja. By all rights, it should be total crap. It's a Cannon film from the 80s. It stars Michael Dudikoff. It has many, many ninjas. Some in multi-colored outfits. My guess is in case they get in a fight in a paint store, they can stay camoflaged. And then there's the fact that the African-American sidekick is actually more versed in the martial arts than the hero. The villain's nationality changes part way through the picture. Hell, what the &*(#$ are ninjas doing working for some Eurotrash guy in the Philipines, anyways?

But goddamn, the movie is perhaps the best non-tournament American martial arts movie ever made, and the best American martial arts film since Enter the Dragon. The fights actually have a flow to them, not all cut up so you see one guy kick, and then there is a quick cut to the kickee flying back. And some pretty damn impressive weapons play. And the late, great Steve James. And one of the wackiest deaths ever from the guy who played Mr. Ochmonach on ALF.

[kalorama]

Road House may be too obvious- so I will go with another swayze classic- Next of Kin- a hillbilly goes to the big city- his brother is killed by the mob- he and his remaining hillbilly kin seek revenge. Also stars Liam Neeson-

Oh God, yes! A truly, truly awful film with so many reasons to watch. Of course there's Swayze, but I've always had a fondness for really awful movies that feature early performances by people who later went on to become respectable actors, or even stars. Next of kin features a host of them: Liam Neeson, Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton, Adam Baldwin, and Ben Stiller. It also contains one of my all time favorite bad movie lines, when they guy responsible for Swayze's brother getting killed says to Swayze "That's too bad" and Swazye replies (in a thick hillbilly accent) "You ain't seen bad yet, but it's comin'."


Additional entries:

Purple Rain: Music, concert scenes, costumes are great. Dialogue, acting, direction are laughable.

The Crush: Across between Lolita and Fatal Attraction starring a Alicia Silverstone. Truly dreadful, but highly entertaining.

[The Xenos]

The Pest
My roommate swore by this movie. Though he also knows that it is kinda bad, but he still enjoys it. We even made a joke that when it was getting late, as a hint for guests to leave, we'd start showing The Pest as our next venue of entertainment. We noticed people tended to have to get going once the movie started playing.

Only vestige of legitimacy?
I guess it's interesting to see Leguizamo become a live action Bugs Bunny. Then again The Mask did something similar with Tex Avery and did it better. Meanwhile Little Man also mimicked a Bugs Bunny cartoon and.. ugh.


Once again, it is time for Quentin Tarantino's cameo in 'Sleep With Me', to be shown.
Here. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=JW9YutYlUHo)

Ah. So that's where the Top Gun is gay thing comes from. I remember seeing some internet pages making the arguments. Though I think that went even more in depth.

[GozertheGozarian]

The Pest
My roommate swore by this movie. Though he also knows that it is kinda bad, but he still enjoys it. We even made a joke that when it was getting late, as a hint for guests to leave, we'd start showing The Pest as our next venue of entertainment. We noticed people tended to have to get going once the movie started playing.

Only vestige of legitimacy?
I guess it's interesting to see Leguizamo become a live action Bugs Bunny. Then again The Mask did something similar with Tex Avery and did it better. Meanwhile Little Man also mimicked a Bugs Bunny cartoon and.. ugh.




Ah. So that's where the Top Gun is gay thing comes from. I remember seeing some internet pages making the arguments. Though I think that went even more in depth.
The Pest was so much better than The Mask. Leguizamo>Carrey.

[SPAfreak]

The Pest was so much better than The Mask. Leguizamo>Carrey.

The Mask introduced a large portion of America to Cameron Diaz as the so delectable you want to eat her up Tina. To my teenage self she oozed sexy in that role. Unfortunately I've never found her as sexy since.

[Thorlief]

I found a Future Force clip. Check this out so you can get an idea about what to expect from this funny crap. You can also see the priest Father Grimes shooting the bazooka

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e3rrVxF_ng&feature=related&locale=en_US&persist_locale=1

[rick]

I found a Future Force clip. Check this out so you can get an idea about what to expect from this funny crap. You can also see the priest Father Grimes shooting the bazooka

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e3rrVxF_ng&feature=related&locale=en_US&persist_locale=1

Like his father before him, Carradine is a D-Movie God.

[Tumbido]

American Ninja. By all rights, it should be total crap. It's a Cannon film from the 80s. It stars Michael Dudikoff. It has many, many ninjas. Some in multi-colored outfits. My guess is in case they get in a fight in a paint store, they can stay camoflaged. And then there's the fact that the African-American sidekick is actually more versed in the martial arts than the hero. The villain's nationality changes part way through the picture. Hell, what the &*(#$ are ninjas doing working for some Eurotrash guy in the Philipines, anyways?

But goddamn, the movie is perhaps the best non-tournament American martial arts movie ever made, and the best American martial arts film since Enter the Dragon. The fights actually have a flow to them, not all cut up so you see one guy kick, and then there is a quick cut to the kickee flying back. And some pretty damn impressive weapons play. And the late, great Steve James. And one of the wackiest deaths ever from the guy who played Mr. Ochmonach on ALF.

And didn't the sequel feature the Ninjas getting mowed down with Uzis when waving their swords skillfully?

I found a Future Force clip. Check this out so you can get an idea about what to expect from this funny crap. You can also see the priest Father Grimes shooting the bazooka

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e3rrVxF_ng&feature=related&locale=en_US&persist_locale=1

Hell yes.

[mistervader]

Is this the part where I pimp to you guys the Italina Spider-Man?

It's a movie that MUST be watched again and again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhHhXukovMU

[Thorlief]

Like his father before him, Carradine is a D-Movie God.

definitely. He's amazingly fat in the movie as well, but he shows his belly without any shame. What a manly thing.

[OverMaster]

Commando. More than any early Arnold movie, this seems to cater to Arnold's strength in his early career. Lots of action, lots of killing, lots of cheesy one-liners. A friend and I counted 128 people Arnold kills himself.

Yeah, I think Commando is a good choice here.

Also, the He-Man live action movie is awful from an objective view, yet I like it more than most old school He-Man episodes.

Oh yeah, and 'Hard Ticket to Hawaii' and 'Live Nude Girls'. Nothing tops hardcore fanservice. Nothing.

[Toku King]

........i vote or the 80s "flash gordon " movie - max von sydow's ming , the bitching hawkmen and queen sountrack pretty much make up for rest of euro disco in space stuff

Flash! A-ah! He'll save every one of us!

[Thorlief]

Bulletproof is a wonderful z-movie with Gary freakin' Busey. Let's just say he plays a retired war hero and, forced to fight for his country once again, he's got to face Mexicans, Arabs and Russians. American way all the way. He wears a college jacket (like Richie Cunningham) and kicks butt. They call him "bulletproof" because he's so badass