Round 5: Jon Reed (Only judges can post here!)

[Reed]

Cover:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr5cth.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr5c.jpg)

Page one:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr51th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr51.jpg)\

Page two:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr52th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr52.jpg)

[Brandon Hanvey]

Page three:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr53th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr53.jpg)

Page four:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr54th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr54.jpg)

[Tom Brevoort]

Just to repeat some of what I said in the other thread, I’ve been a bad soldier, in that I haven’t been following along throughout the competition—so I’m coming to these artists and their work fresh. So let’s see what I can say:

Jon, there’s a flavor to what you do that I really like. However, I do think you tend to try to do too much in too little space, as we’ll soon see.

I like the overall composition of the cover. It’s a nice balancing of the various elements. The one place I think it’s lacking is in that none of the elements really takes priority over the others—there’s not enough of a strong focal point to draw my eye in and tell me what the concept of this series is. I think this would be stronger if one element was more prominent. Heck, simply tightening the shot, trimming off the left and top and even a little off the right would make this stronger, simply by making the figures and important elements a bit larger within the space. And I’m not sure what that helicopter is doing at the upper left, other than balancing the composition a trifle. It’s extraneous to the overall effect.

PAGE ONE: As with Charles, I’m going to tend to focus on the drawbacks, rather than the strengths of what you’ve got going on. And Jon, I’ve got to tell you, on this page, Panels 2, 3 and 5 are close to useless to me. There’s no room for any copy to speak of in these shots, not without covering important visual information. I also think you err in making Panels 1 and 4 so close in size. This is tending to blunt the impact of the Rhino’s arrival through that storefront—it’s no more important visually than the establishing shot. Speaking of the storefront, I wish we saw just a little bit more of its identifying elements in panel 4, so that it’s clear that this is what the Rhino is bursting through. I had to check twice, since we see it in the background of panel 5 as well. I think having part of the sign among the flying rubble in Panel 4 would have helped to bridge this gap. And Panel 5 is so small that it’s difficult to really make out or attach importance to the shrouded figures behind the Rhino.

PAGE TWO: I think you’ve got too much information crammed into too little space here. Again, panels 5-7 are virtually useless to me in terms of fitting any copy—and that sequence depends on copy to work (Tombstone reacting to somebody calling him from off-panel.) I think as an overall comment, you need to pull your camera out a bit more, give your subjects more room to breathe, and allow for more interesting negative space to silhouette them better in space. Panels 2 & 3 establish the kidnapped Doctor reasonably well, but I wish she were easier to pick out in panel 1 so that I could more readily make the connection. It’s also strange that she’s over Tombstone’s left shoulder, but her entire body turns in space so that she can face a camera from behind his right—there’s something wonky with the special relationships here. Where this page really falls down for me, though, is in panels 5 & 6. In order for this to work best, the camera reversal has to be almost instinctive. But the way you’ve set up these shots, and the relationships of the elements within them, it “reads” as though the camera hasn’t moved at all—Tombstone’s facing the same way, and his head is even at the same size, in the same place in the frame. To make matters worse, the overlap of Tombstone’s head from panel 5 into panel 1 confuses the storytelling a little bit, makes my eye want to jump ahead and bypass panels 2-4 entirely. And a really minor, minor thing, but the always-thinking John Romita Sr. would have been driven batty by the tangent you’ve set up in panel 7, where Spidey’s webbing comes from off-panel perfectly centered on the corner, thus objectifying the panel borders.

PAGE THREE: Panel one’s got some punch to it, but I really miss some sense of environment here. Sometimes you can get away with going without a background, for the sake of impact. But this isn’t quite pulling it off. One of the reasons, I think, is that the three figures don’t entirely seem to be moving in unison. (It’s mostly Firestar who gives me this impression, Iceman does seem to be in lockstep with Spidey. But Firestat almost seems like an afterthought, like you’d drawn the Spidey figure first, and then had to figure out how to fit her in around him.) Panel two is clunky, in that the action isn’t especially clear. I get the idea that Spidey is meant to be swinging in and snatching up Tombstone, but the way he’s arrayed on that webline, it feels more like he’s doing a handstand on Tomby’s shoulder. There’s no swing in the figure, so the action doesn’t completely come across. Finally, Panel three is pretty strong. I like the movement and the impact. I do think that it’s hampered by panel 2, though, in that the sequence doesn’t flow. First Spidey is above Tombstone with a hand on his shoulder, then he’s suddenly braced on the ground, flipping Tombstone through the air.

PAGE FOUR: In Panel one, I like the gimmick of Iceman making big icy boxing gloves to hit the Rhino with. But the punch he’s throwing looks wimpy, and a bit stiff. He needs to have a bit more tension in his figure, perhaps spreading his legs a bit more, and putting more of his body into the blow. Panel two has some impact. I do think that Firestar winds up too close to the top panel border for comfort’s sake, creating a bad almost-tangent. But I like the movement, the returning background, and the fact that the diagonal action drives the eye right into panel three. Panel three is also pretty good, though again, I feel like your figures are crowding the top border too much. If you eliminated the bottom ¼ inch of this drawing and lowered everything down, I think it would frame and silhouette better, and would communicate more freely.

Overall impression: there’s a clunkiness to your page and panel design that shows that you’ve got some grasp on what you’re supposed to be doing, but you haven’t sublimated it instinctively into your drawing process quite yet. If you can lick these larger composition issues, your work will improve by leaps and bounds. I also feel like, on some level you’re fighting your natural instincts when it comes to character design and so forth. I haven’t checked out your previous sample pages in earlier rounds, so I could be wrong, but these pages almost feel to me like a guy trying too hard to draw “the kind of comics Marvel likes” rather than following his own stylistic impulses and coming up with work that’s perhaps a hair less mainstream-oriented, but is also more genuine.

Good luck in the finals!

Tom B

[Marc Silvestri]

Jon-

Determination alone should get you pro work dude. Hammering out the pages at a pro pace and getting hammered by sadistic judges would have turned a lesser man to quivering jelly by now. So regardless of the outcome give yourself a pat on your manly (not even slightly gelatinous) back!

Okay enough with the free pass, let’s get to the last beat-down! Cover? Who needs a cover? You do man! This is SPIDERMAN and his amazing friends. He’s THE guy and should be the main focus and not just because he’s the only one spotted with black! And why is he waving at us? HE’S ON FRICKIN’ FIRE! What’s with the random helicopter? Girl in the center is good though. More of that please.

Page one. I almost like the establishing shot but it seems like the street is too narrow and takes away the feel of a big city. The shot would work better without the woman on the right. There are already enough foreground elements and she just adds to the clutter. Showing more small people further back would add depth. Second panel is ok but the little guy between the kids head and hand is distracting.

Panel four should be better because Rhino actually looks pretty cool. Problem is we’re lost in space so we lose most of the dramatic impact of a huge guy crashing through a wall. All the rubble seems too neatly placed and we don’t see enough of said wall to know where things are happening. Odd placement of pedestrian and hand at the bottom of the panel too. Panel five just ain’t workin’ for me. Figures aren’t badly draw they’re just terribly cropped and for no reason to boot. Good attempt at establishing busted building in background but it’ll probably get covered up with a word balloon. Nice dust.

Page two. Again the first panel almost works for me. Mysterio should be smaller so the main group doesn’t crowd the panel and we could be seeing more of the background. Where did they all come from anyway, same place as Rhino? Speaking of Rhino he looks more tired than ready to kick ass. The reporter looks more like a pattern on Tombstone’s jacket and should be separated more. Good idea to focus on I.D. badge but it’s a bad idea to have it bleed out of the panel in number three. Should have pulled way back in panel four to show some relative space around our bad guys. NEVER do what you did with Tombstone’s head in panel five. Not only does it lead you back into panel one but you create a spatial nightmare by making it seem he’s in the foreground when in fact the reporter is.

Page three. Panel one NEEDS a background for reference. In fact, spatial relationships between characters are goofy on the whole page. Why is that little Mysterio zapping Tombstone in the head in panel two? The action, panel-to-panel continuity, camera angles, and perspectives are all off on this page. I’m just gonna chalk it up to deadline panic and move on.

Page four. Bad cropping everywhere dude and I’m not sure why considering there are only three panels on this page. It’s not as if you don’t have room to show these guys. The sidewalk perspective in panel one is way off from the background and what’s with the manhole on the sidewalk? Aren’t those usually on the street? The page in general lacks drama. Firestar blasting Mysterio would be much more effective if you established Mysterio was even remotely dangerous to begin with. The blast itself seems like he’s being sprayed with a garden hose!

Panel three suffers the same fate as one and two and lacks the kinetic energy and staging needed for a good fight scene. How did Tombstone spring up into Spiderman’s grip like that? Why isn’t Spidey doing Spidey stuff? And what the hell is Iceman doing?

Sorry man but these are your weakest pages to date. I’m going to throw you and Charles a bone though in that I think this round was asking too much too soon. All it really did was showcase weaknesses in both of your guy’s work because of the huge time demand. Personally I’d like the see the format of the final round changed to give the remaining contestants time to incorporate tips and criticisms from previous rounds and really kick ass. What happens under intense deadline pressure is a natural instinct to revert to comfortable defaults. It’s just my opinion but I’d like to see that changed.

I believe both you and Charles deserve professional work but take some time and work on drawing and storytelling basics before you commit to pro comic deadlines. Good luck man!

-M