Round 5: Charles Paul Wilson III (Only judges can post here!)

[CPWilsonIII]

Cover
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr5cth.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr5c.jpg)

Page 1
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr51th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr51.jpg)

Page 2
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr52th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr52.jpg)

[Brandon Hanvey]

Page 3
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr53th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr53.jpg)

Page 4
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr54th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/charleswilson/cwr54.jpg)

[Tom Brevoort]

All right, I’ve been a bad soldier, in that I haven’t been following along throughout the competition—so I’m coming to these artists and their work fresh. So let’s see what I can say:

Charles, your work overall seems very solid. You understand the basics of panel-to-panel storytelling, how to compose a page, and an inviting style overall. I like the coloring approach on the cover.

Speaking of the cover, while it’s nicely drawn, I don’t know that it really gets across the premise of the series. Rather than saying that this is “Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends”, this tends to look like “Spider-Man and his Two Mutant Guest-Stars.” The emphasis is almost entirely on Spidey—and even the Spidey figure doesn’t tell me a whole lot that’s novel or new about the character, or entirely pump me up for that particular brand of web-slinging action; it’s a little bit quiet. And I’m assuming that that’s the Goblin’s face on the lower left—which isn’t great, because I shouldn’t need to assume anything when looking at the cover to a book (or, in this case, a pitch.) All that having been said, the coloring technique is very appealing, and the overall impression is strong.

PAGE ONE: This is a decent establishing shot, but as is my usual custom, I’m going to pick away at the weaknesses rather than praising the strengths. The composition is just a little bit cluttered—it feels like you’re trying to jam Iceman and Firestar in where you can. The Iceman figure in particular is a bit “soft” in his posture—divorced from context, he would look like he was taking an icy stroll down the block, rather than chasing after a crazed super-villain. You’re also cheating a bit on the perspective of the cityscape in the background, and this is hurting your believability. Some of those buildings almost seem to be wobbling on a weak foundation.

PAGE TWO: The Goblin’s blow in Panel One is a bit wimpy, and given the angle of his arm, I’m inclined to wonder where the rest of his figure would be were we to see more of the shot, and how that would relate to Spidey’s position. The composition here seems strained. Panel two is better, but even here, Spidey’s figure seem to be reacting to a blow other than the one we’re seeing land—he looks like he’s been struck in the head and is bending backwards, rather than reacting to the Goblin’s cheap shot below the ribcage. Panel three suffers a little bit from trying to do too much—the Goblin and Spidey figures tend to fall together into a confusing mass, while Iceman is so small and positioned in such a way that he doesn’t make as much of an impact as he could. It was a good move re-establishing the cityscape here, though, to keep a sense of place going throughout the fight. Panel four has a really good idea behind it, using the typography as a visual element, but I think it would be stronger and easier to read if the Goblin’s throwing arm we raised a bit higher in the shot, so as to silhouette a bit more against the negative space of the background. It’d be easier to “read” that way.

PAGE THREE: Panel one is a tough panel, with a lot of things going on, and the action effectively blocked by the silhouette of Gobby and Spidey. It’s tough to tell what I’m supposed to be seeing here. So I’d rather you gave me a clearer image of Iceman’s ice-slide being blown out from under him by the Pumpkin Bombs, even if we had to lose track of Spidey and the Goblin for one frame to do so. And while it’s a good idea to re-establish Firestar here, she’s just adding to the overall confusion in this image. Panels 2 & 3 work pretty well. I like the fact that you move in for the tight reaction on Spidey in panel 2 from the extreme long shot of panel 1, and the punch Spidey throws in Panel three has some decent weight and impact behind it. Panel four is nice for creating a sense of relationship between Iceman and Firestar, but the composition and the overall body language and expressions of the characters tends to slow the sequence down. We’re back to the slow, icy stroll here. Panel five, though, is nicely composed and has some cool energy to it, even with the figures at that size, and helps to keep the page from becoming static—I like the way you move the camera in and out.

PAGE FOUR: Good impact in Panel one. I could quibble that the Goblin feels like he’s too close to Firestar (right stop her, actually), but the nice movement saves this shot for me somewhat. As you switch scenes in Panel two, I’m glad you give me an establishing shot, but I do wish that it was a less generic-looking establishing shot. And I’m not entirely certain that the central building is the one I’m supposed to be concerning myself with, as it’s equal in importance in the shot to the buildings on either side. It also wouldn’t have hurt if there was some visual way of connecting or segueing between panels 1 & 2, but I’m going to chalk that up to you being limited by your script (even though you were the guy who came up with the script in the first place.) Panel three is a bit of a problem, in that, by going from the exterior of the building to a shot of a television screen, I lose all sense of place. I suspect that this page would be slightly more effective if you swapped panels 3 & 4, gave me the interior establishing shot with May and the TV first, and then moved in for the close-up on-screen. But there’s a nice sense of environment to panel 4 (though, again, the perspective is off—that kitchen table only comes up to Aunt May’s knees.)

Overall impression: you’ve got a nice, bouncy style with some good energy to it, and your characters are appealing. You could work a little bit more at composing your individual panels before you commit yourself to tight drawing.

Good luck in the finals!

Tom B

[Marc Silvestri]

Charles-

Well this is it man, I know it’s been a lot of work but I hope it’s been fun too. If you don’t mind, I’m going to use a paragraph here to make a general comment to all the contestants who have participated. Cool?

Congratulations to all of you for shining in what can easily be described as an entertaining but grueling contest. You’ve all been asked to do your very best under professional level conditions (mind-bending deadlines!) and have done well. I want all the voting fans and contestants to know that having to deliver samples of work under pro level time constraints should be considered a huge caveat. I mention this only because after working with fresh talent for going on sixteen years, I know learning under duress is neither easy nor recommended. Every page I’ve seen in this contest has the stamp of “rushed” adhered to them and I really wish I could have seen what the contestants could have done with two or three more days per round!

Now that’s the show’s over, I want all the contestants to sit back, check the critiques from all the rounds and learn from them. Take your time, learn your craft, THEN go out and bust your balls as a pro! Do yourselves a favor and don’t blast out of the gate working at a speed that will short-change your ability to hone basic drawing and storytelling skills! Bad habits once ingrained are REALLY tough to break!

Okay, now back to our regularly schedule bashing…um, critiquing! Well Charles you don’t need me to tell you the cover has got to go. Book covers are supposed to yell at a potential reader “Hey pick me up!” In this case bro it says, “Say I think you should go spend a couple of bucks on that old issue of Devil Dinosaur instead”. This would have been a perfect opportunity to sell what’s in the book, a fight between Goblin and Spidey!

A cover needs to not only be compositionally pleasing (Frazetta is THE man) but elicit a feeling as well. Even a shot of a single, sizzling “Pumpkin Grenade” coming straight at us would have been cool as that would tell the reader pretty much all he needs to know. Here the elements are too evenly sized, don’t relate to each other and our hero is oddly off center. Plus he’s dull, and not very Spidey-like. If you’re going to create a montage-style cover you need a strong central (often large) element on which to focus and/or tie all the elements together.

Page one. We don’t letter on the boards any more but I like the old-school look you gave it. My favorite part of the page is Spiderman’s head. He’s not easy to draw well and I think your version looks great (didn’t need the fussy black spotting on his forehead though). His actual figure looks stiff and awkward unfortunately and lacks the “boneless” fell he needs. In fact, all the figures on the page suffer the same awkwardness. Rushed? There are some clumsy tangents in both the figures and overall composition as well. Note the line created by Goblins arms, hands, legs and even the edge of the glider’s wing and the way they align with Spiderman’s legs and feet. And all those elements mix with the perspective of the buildings in the background. At least there are no blacks spotted in the background so good job there.


Page two. Panels one and two are awkward in both figure work and composition. I’m not really sure what’s going on here and because both panels are pulled in tight I get no feeling if Spidey is in danger of falling off the glider or what. Panel three is almost there. It works except for where Goblin’s fingers touch Iceman’s slide, again creating an odd tangent. I really like panel four with all the “HA” elements used as a background. This panel would have totally rocked had you moved the figures slightly left and made the foreground pumpkin about twice as large to force the depth of field.

Page three. The idea of a black foreground element is good but in this case it blocks important action in the background. Iceman being blown off his ice slide high above the ground should be a very dramatic beat but here it’s almost an afterthought. Panel two is well drawn but I’m not sure why Spidey is upside down. Panel three’s punch lacks punch. This also would have been a good panel to show just how high they are. Showing the street far below would have added drama and a sense of real danger.

Panel four doesn’t really convey the action of Iceman saving himself and his comment to Firestar makes no sense since it was Spiderman who yelled out his name just a few panels earlier. The last panel gets a big nope. I’m not even sure what the big black shape at the bottom is supposed to be. Again, most of these gaffs look like “deadline” mistakes.

Page four. I like the energy and power in the first panel and feel it’s your best this round. But then you stub your toe and follow it with a pretty weak second panel. In it the buildings are arranged like a staircase, the composition in dire need of a foreground element, and the border panel and horizon should never be the same line.

Panel three’s reporter looks good but has a really weird Spidey in the background. Careful with the perspective in panel four (Aunt May looks to be about Shaq sized). In the last panel the room behind her looks a bit small and the window and picture frame design and the TV are all battling the eye and pulling attention from May.

So there you have it Charles. A little harsh I know but I really believe you can turn pro. I’d love to see you redo some pages from one of the rounds without a ticking bomb under your chair. I bet they’d kick ass. Good luck man.

-M