Only Two Reasons for a Break-up

[Indy24LA]

I maybe be totally off here, but aren't there really just two reasons someone breaks up with you. Now of course there are some other reasons, abuse, addiction, infidelity or moving, but outside of those more extreme cases isn't it just they just don't feel the same way or they've found someone new?

Three of my friends (2 guys and 1 girl) are going through break-ups of fairly long relationships right now and I've been there for them, listening and consoling. And each one has been told different reasons why it's over, tired of all the fighting, growing apart in their lives, and in the third case the break-up'er is going through a tough period and just needs some time and space (he sounds like Carl Sagan). And they were all told something like, "I still love you and probably always will, but...". I haven't said this to my friends, but what I REALLY think is the other person just ain't into them that much anymore or has found someone else.

So am I totally wrong? Do people really break-up with someone they're still in love with? Or are all the reasons (excuses) just window-dressing because they don't want to hurt the other person anymore than they already have?

[Paradox]

Indy24LA wants reasons:

Do people really break-up with someone they're still in love with?

Sure, sometimes. Off-hand I can think of a few that were mostly "my life's going this way and yours is going that way and neither of us want to go the other way." But, mostly it's just something people give lip service to. "I love you, but..."

[StoneGold]

Three of my friends (2 guys and 1 girl) are going through break-ups of fairly long relationships right now and I've been there for them, listening and consoling.

Those kind of relationships always have trouble. I couldn't do it. Besides, I'd always have an irrational fear of accidentally touching the other guy's elbow while we were tag teaming her or something.

[Indy24LA]

Those kind of relationships always have trouble. I couldn't do it. Besides, I'd always have an irrational fear of accidentally touching the other guy's elbow while we were tag teaming her or something.

That was funny... I guess I should have clarified, it's 3 separate friends in 3 separate relationships.





Not that there's anything wrong with that kinda relationship...

[beetlebum]

And each one has been told different reasons why it's over, tired of all the fighting, growing apart in their lives, and in the third case the break-up'er is going through a tough period and just needs some time and space (he sounds like Carl Sagan). And they were all told something like, "I still love you and probably always will, but...". I haven't said this to my friends, but what I REALLY think is the other person just ain't into them that much anymore or has found someone else.


Everything goes well until their loose cannon ex gets into the picture. Well that and all of the girlies who hang around your guy because he's nice and they want to take advantage of that, and that drives you crazy. Just sayin'.

But I think our relationship ended for the reasons I bolded above. Breaking up sucks.

[stealthwise]

I can break it down into two even simpler terms if you liked:

1) She/He f'ed up

2) I f'ed up

In the past, it's usually been number 2 for me. :)

[Shellhead]

I maybe be totally off here, but aren't there really just two reasons someone breaks up with you. Now of course there are some other reasons, abuse, addiction, infidelity or moving, but outside of those more extreme cases isn't it just they just don't feel the same way or they've found someone new?

Three of my friends (2 guys and 1 girl) are going through break-ups of fairly long relationships right now and I've been there for them, listening and consoling. And each one has been told different reasons why it's over, tired of all the fighting, growing apart in their lives, and in the third case the break-up'er is going through a tough period and just needs some time and space (he sounds like Carl Sagan). And they were all told something like, "I still love you and probably always will, but...". I haven't said this to my friends, but what I REALLY think is the other person just ain't into them that much anymore or has found someone else.

So am I totally wrong? Do people really break-up with someone they're still in love with? Or are all the reasons (excuses) just window-dressing because they don't want to hurt the other person anymore than they already have?

If somebody is really, truly *in* a relationship, they're not going to "find someone new." Yes, the whole world is full of bright, shiny people that might seem "new", but if you're really in a relationship, you're not looking for someone new, and even if you meet somebody "new", you're not looking to get into a relationship with them. So that's bullshit when people use that excuse. The real issue is that somebody is too selfish for a relationship because they were really just looking to trade up. That new relationship won't work out either, for the same bullshit reason.

In my opinion, some people get involved when they aren't really ready for a relationship. Addicts and abusive people certainly aren't ready to love, they need to work on their problems first. If somebody is moving away, the relationship wasn't as high a priority as some other aspect of their life, most likely education or career, and that means that they weren't ready to make a commitment either.

Regarding the people dumping your friends:

1. "tired of all the fighting" That is a very legitimate reason to break up. If two people are fighting too much, they probably shouldn't be together at all. They are just two different people who can't be happy together.

2. "growing apart in their lives" It seems like they are a more polite version of the previous couple. They don't have enough in common to stay together, but at least they aren't fighting because of their differences. They might as well split up and find more compatible partners.

3. "Going through a tough period and just needs some time and space" sounds like complete bullshit to me. A good relationship should help somebody get through tough times. So either this was a bad relationship (like #1 above) that just adds to the stress, or this guy who wants time and space has actually found someone "new." Because that's the only real reason he would need time and space away from someone who cares about him, is if he is planning to be with someone else.

[stealthwise]

Shellhead is wise.

Another thing I notice is when people say that "there's no chemistry," translation: I don't find you attractive anymore. Not hard to figure out what's going on there, and it's usually the trading-up thing, or the extra 20 chocolate bars that one/both person(s) is (are) downing each week.

[Chris Nowlin]

Shellhead is wise.

Another thing I notice is when people say that "there's no chemistry," translation: I don't find you attractive anymore. Not hard to figure out what's going on there, and it's usually the trading-up thing, or the extra 20 chocolate bars that one/both person(s) is (are) downing each week.

I guess I'm lucky I'm not attractive to begin with.

[StoneGold]

That was funny... I guess I should have clarified, it's 3 separate friends in 3 separate relationships.



The only reason you needed to clarify is if you didn't want smartass answers like mine. I knew what you meant, I just chose to go with my own interpretation.

[twilight]

Not that there's anything wrong with that kinda relationship...

It seems to work for Enya.

-Twi